Shades of Lavender

Chapter six: Hopefully Devoted

Lavender ran over to Parvati as fast as her ridiculous shoes would take her. It took her seconds to take in both her pale face and an anxious Dean with a comforting arm around her waist. Parvati was devastated and she was never in that state about anything - even her parent's divorce hadn't made her look so small and vulnerable. "It's Harry, isn't it?"

Parvati wailed and threw herself into Lavender's arms. Almost a romantic encounter, Lavender thought wryly.

"Yes," Dean said quietly. When you talked to him, it was easy to forget how tall he was. He was such a sensitive person. "We stumbled upon him and Ginny snogging in the alley beside Zonkos. Parvati's quite upset. Is there anything I can do?"

Lavender thought for a moment, stroking her best friend's head. Parvati liked her hair being touched when she was upset. For some reason, she found it comforting. "Can you ask Hermione to bring up some food to our dorm? She'll know what to get."

Dean smiled shakily. "Is that all? She's pretty cut up about it."

"Yes," Lavender said. "Thanks Dean. You're a sweetheart."

"I know," he said, raising his eyebrows and grimacing. He patted Parvati on the shoulder and strode back up to the castle, dark head bobbing above the crowd.

Lavender tried to avoid other students as she guided Parvati up to the Gryffindor tower. They didn't say anything. Lavender knew that words were unnecessary. The problem with words was that sometimes they didn't give you the chance to think.

Parvati still hadn't said anything when they were in their room. She pulled on pyjamas - comfort clothing - and sat in the middle of her bed, hugging a pillow. She looked very young and afraid.

Lavender waited. Parvati didn't say anything. For the girl who was continually talking, it was unnerving and slightly worrying.

"Do you want to talk?" Lavender asked gently.

"No."

They lapsed into silence again, which was soon broken by a sharp tapping on the door. Hermione peered into the room. "I've got food - hot chocolate, chicken and rye bread sandwiches and pumpkin pasties."

Lavender took the tray gratefully. Although Hermione could drive her completely mental, she was alright. And it was definitely helpful to have someone practical around for whenever things went wrong.

Parvati began to eat. It is impossible to eat and remain as upset as you were before you began and it wasn't long before she started talking. "He never liked me, did he?"

"What makes you say that?" Lavender wanted to be careful.

"He's never singled me out. He's never talked to me unless he couldn't help it. He only asked me to the Yule Ball out of necessity and because Cho weepy Chang couldn't go with him."

"He did ask you though." It was difficult to know what to say when someone was realising the truth.

"Yes, but you would have done just as well. He just needed someone to go with and I was the only Gryffindor not taken. Stupid really."

"We would have made an interesting couple," Lavender remarked. "Me and Harry Potter. The Boy who Lived and the Girl who had a Ridiculous Hair Colour."

Parvati talked on, as if Lavender wasn't even there. "What's so wrong with me? Dean thinks I'm the prettiest girl at Hogwarts. Well, me and Padma. Ginny has freckles. And dreadful hair."

"Her hair's not that bad," Lavender said.

Bugger, she thought. Should not have said that.

"Oh, what would you know?" Parvati snapped, cheeks flaring up with pink. "Your hair's horrible."

The previous summer Lavender's father had taken Parvati to Vietnam with them. After the disastrous and embarrassing hair dyeing incident, Parvati had told her that she was beautiful and that with a stylish new cut, her hair would be trendy and quirky. Lavender had grown to like her hair as something that singled her out, because of Parvati. It was the first time that Lavender thought maybe Parvati wasn't as straight as she had thought. Something about the look in her eyes ...

"Words hurt, Parvati." Lavender was more upset than she could ever imagined about so stupid a remark. It wasn't the comment, but the insinuations behind it.

"What would you care?" There were pink blotches on her tear-streaked cheeks. "You're never here for me anymore."

"That's not true." Another mistake, Lavender thought. We both know that's not true.

"You weren't there for me today even though you knew I'd be down that Harry hadn't asked me to Hogsmeade. And look what happened."

"Parvati," Lavender said gently. "You're upset; don't you think you're taking this a bit far?"

Parvati's eyes were burning. "You were too busy snogging your boyfriend to come straight to me when you saw I was upset. We never do silly things in Potions anymore. You're sitting next to Smith. We don't bludge answers off Hermione in Charms. You're helping Smith with the Charms work. I can't remember the last time we signed something with 'Lavati and Parvender'."

"Look," Lavender began. "I don't want to be with Zachie all the time ..."

"You don't even know how to comfort me anymore." Parvati's voice had lowered and Lavender had to lean forward to catch what she had said.

"You think that I'm not trying to help you? For God's sake Parvati, you're being ridiculous. It's Harry. He's weedy and bespectacled and just not worth it. He's not worth ruining our friendship for."

"But Smith is?"

Lavender laughed hollowly. "Zachie isn't worth ruining any friendship for."

"Yet you enjoyed that kiss, even when you knew I was waiting. You've been thinking about him throughout this entire conversation." Parvati was articulating every word, as if speaking to a very slow child.

"I haven't," Lavender said hotly. Unconsciously though, she had been because Lavender knew what a lie felt like and she had just made one.

"Just go to Hell, Lavender," Parvati said, her voice dangerous.

Lavender stood there, shaking.

"Go."

Lavender went. There were blurry spots in front of her eyes and her chest was aching. Having a broken heart is such a cliché, she thought as she ran down the spiral staircase, out of the common room and into the grounds.

She hid in a small section of bushes, crying and retching, extremely glad that there was a feast on and no one was outside to see her upset. Zacharias had been wrong on one count - she wasn't a crybaby. At least, not about serious things. This was a strange and scary exception.

When her mother and younger sister had died in the car accident, Lavender hadn't cried. When she looked down on Saffron's little face, ghostly white and unmarked, she hadn't cried. She hadn't looked at her mother, hadn't wanted to until she was lowered into the ground.

After that Lavender never cried about the things that seriously bothered her.

The sky was darkening and the moon was up above her, shrouded in dusky clouds. "I miss them," she whispered, and realised that it was true, that the tears and the dull ache in her chest that had been gnawing away for weeks was because of Saffron and her mother - not Parvati.

"Lavender?" A voice asked. She looked around blearily. "Is that you?"

Lavender stood up and saw Susan Bones was sitting on a rock by the lake, looking up at the moon. "Hi," she said weakly. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be out here."

"So you thought you'd come and cry where no one could see you?" Hufflepuffs were direct. It was the first time Lavender had really considered the Hufflepuffs as anything but loyal and hardworking. "Parvati wasn't looking too good last I saw of her. Is she okay?"

Lavender clambered up onto the rock to sit beside Susan. "No," she muttered. "She's not."

"Harry?" she questioned, flicking her sandy plait over her shoulder. Honestly, did nothing escape her notice?

"Yeah. He's with Ginny."

"Thought so." Susan seemed faintly pleased with herself. "So what are you crying about?"

"I dunno. I thought I was crying because Parvati and I had a fight. But I miss my sister and my Mum."

"Write to them," Susan suggested.

"See the one fly in that ointment is that they're dead." Lavender had tried saying that their family had lost them, as her father had suggested, but that made it sound like they'd be able to find them if they made a bit more of an effort.

Susan clapped her hand to her mouth. "Oh God, I'm such an idiot. Oh honey, I'm sorry." She didn't ask to know more, which Lavender appreciated. She was sick of story-telling. "What was the fight about?"

"I don't really know. Except that I'm not really there for her anymore - now that I have Zacharias."

"Just because you have other friends doesn't mean that you can't be close to Parvati."

"Oh, you have no idea."

"Go back and talk to her," Susan suggested. "Have some 'Lavati and Parvender' time," - did she ever miss anything? - "over the holidays and talk a lot. There's nothing worse than losing someone you care about. It happened with me and Justin."

"So, are you and Justin together?" Lavender asked curiously. Parvati had been dying to know for weeks but the damn Hufflepuffs, even Zacharias, were so secretive about it.

Susan laughed. "We're just like you and Zacharias."

"Really?" Lavender asked, even more interested. Was she not the only one dating someone for convenience?

"Yes. Truly madly deeply in love with each other but pretending that we don't care so much."

"I think you've misinterpreted something slightly," Lavender began.

Susan smiled. "I'm always right about these things. His eyes light up when he mentions you. He's fallen hard." And with those words, she scrambled down from the rock and ran back up to the castle.

Lavender realised that she never asked Susan what she was doing out on the rock when there was a feast going on inside. Or what on earth she was talking about.

*

When Lavender went into the dormitory, the curtains around Parvati's bed were pulled. Daphne sighed, "she's in there," and went back to brushing her thick blonde hair.

"If you ask me," Hermione said quietly. "It's losing you, not losing Harry, that's been rough for her. She'll get over Harry. She won't get over you."

Lavender smiled and tapped on Parvati's bedside table. "Can I come in?"

Parvati grunted. Hermione whipped out her wand and performed a silencing charm on the curtains. "Show off," Lavender muttered.

"I heard that," Hermione said, amused and went back to her absurdly large textbook.

"Vati? I'm sorry." It was all that was needed. Parvati sighed and leaned forward, using Lavender's shoulder to cry upon.

"I've missed you," she whispered. "Don't leave me so much anymore."

Lavender smiled sadly, trying to avoid the image of Zacharias smirking from floating upwards in her sea of thoughts. "Of course I won't." Zacharias can wait, she thought.

They spent the night lying in Parvati's bed together, talking and laughing and crying.

"I feel bad," Parvati stated. "I never asked you how your date went?"

"Are you sure you don't mind me talking about it?" Lavender worried.

"Course not, you twat. I expect you to have a life." Parvati thwapped her lightly, fingers brushing Lavender's shoulder.

"Well, actually, it was pretty fantastic," Lavender confessed. "We had a picnic at the bottom of a cliff. He got me to the bottom of a cliff, which is pretty amazing in itself. Ate far too much, talked seriously about stuff. Oh, and I found out that Justin and Susan are totally madly in love with each other but pretending that they're not."

"Oooh," Parvati said, grinning. "Did you play the game with him?" Parvati tested all prospective boyfriends with Shag, Marry, Push off a Cliff. It gave you a surprisingly good idea about their character.

"Yes, I did actually." Lavender grinned. "Don't be mad. He said he'd push you off a cliff."

"The bastard," Parvati laughed. "He's probably just jealous because you like me so much better." Lavender smirked. "Oh God, you even smile like him now. You're going to be one of those couples who turn into each other. There was an article in Wild Witch about it. If you curl your hair into prattish little ringlets I'm going to have to kill you."

"No fear there," Lavender said, smirking again. "And isn't Wild Witch pornographic? Parvati, you sick little girl."

"It's not," she cried and started laughing. "That's Britches. You're losing touch mon amie."

"C'est impossible!" Lavender cried. They lay in comfortable silence for a moment. Then, "Shag, Marry, Push off a Cliff. Daphne, Susan or me?"

"Girls?" Lavender could hear Parvati raise an eyebrow. "Hypothetically I'd shag Daphne, marry you and push Susan off a cliff. If that was even possible. Gay marriage is illegal, not to mention a little weird."

Lavender shivered but pushed it to the back of her mind. She'd try again another day, on a day where Parvati was not into Harry and was thinking about moving on. One day she'd tell her the truth. "Why does everyone shag Dahpne? Even Zachie did."

"She's blond, uncomplicated, good at sports and, judging by the knowing looks Jared gets from the guys in his Dorm, knows how to handle males."

"True, true."

They had almost drifted off to sleep when Parvati murmured, "By the way, congratulations on trying spontaneous. You make a good pair." She snuggled up again Lavender's arm.

If you only knew, Lavender thought, stroking her best friend's hair and sighing.