Shades of Lavender

Shades of Lavender

Chapter one: Shag, Marry or Push off a Cliff

"Miss Brown?" Professor McGonagall's voice was particularly sharp today. Lavender grimaced and hastily took her gum out. "Are you chewing gum?"

"No Professor," Lavender said innocently, hoping that she'd get off this time. Professor McGonagall's wrath was not the nicest thing to face first lesson on a Monday.

Professor McGonagall glared at her. "Humph." She continued around the class, stopping to beam at Hermione Granger's table. Hermione had successfully performed the revision charm of vanishing that they had been set.

Parvati, sitting next to her and buffing her nails, rolled her eyes. It wasn't fair, Lavender thought. She rather liked Transfiguration. She didn't even mind Professor McGonagall, despite Parvati's complaints. It wasn't her fault that she was useless at the practical work.

Although, being terrified of the rats that they were vanishing didn't help. She rolled up the sleeves of her robes and tried again, carefully avoiding actually touching the smelly creature.

"You know what," Parvati said as she successfully vanished the rat without even trying. "I think a poem would help us remember this. Professor McGonagall," she called out across the classroom. "If we write a revision poem, will that exclude us from homework for the week?"

Lavender squealed with laughter. Professor McGonagall didn't even bother replying.

It was Monday and already Professor McGonagall was ignoring them. Not a good start to the week, on the whole.

"You know, it'd be amazing how well you two would do if you actually worked in class," Hermione said loftily.

Lavender scowled. "Says the girl who never has any fun."

Hermione went pink. "Just because I choose to spend my class time actually completing the class work, it doesn't mean that I don't have any fun."

Parvati grinned. "Course it doesn't, 'Mione," she said. Lavender knew that the ''Mione' would annoy Hermione more than anything else. "But we get along just fine really. Passed everything last year. We're in Potions again, aren't we? And Transfiguration."

"Time to pack up," Professor McGonagall called.

"At last," murmured Parvati. "Tell me, Crayola. Why are we stuck in Old McGonagall's class again?"

Lavender grimaced at the all-too-familiar nickname. Parents who call their children after colours should be hunted down with pitchforks and slowly and painfully killed, she thought savagely. "Transfiguration will be useful for us, 'Vati. Besides, I like it."

"Right," said Parvati. "Where to now?"

"Well, we have a study period. Up to the dormitories to listen to music?"

Parvati had worked out how to play music while at Hogwarts. It was great for dancing to and it irritated Hermione, which had to be good for something. It wasn't that she hated her; it was just that sometimes Lavender felt like Hermione came from a different, much more complicated planet. Lavender bopped her head along to the rhythm of 'I Saw You in the Potions Lab' by The Trolls, while Parvati re-applied her lip-gloss and sorted through her piles of luggage that, despite having been at Hogwarts for several weeks, she still hadn't unpacked.

Parvati was a goddess, Lavender thought with a sigh. They'd been best friends since their first year when Lavender had made a rather spectacular entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room, tripping over the portrait rim and sprawling across the floor. But, every year she would gaze in awe at Parvati. Her eyes were large and brown, rimmed with thick eyelashes and a lot of kohl. She had thick dark hair with copper highlights and a sexy smile. Her voice was low and husky as she sang along to the music. "Oooh, oooh. I saw you in the Potions Lab. Ah, aaaaaaaah. Da dee ... da dum ... dum."

Lavender got up and went over to the mirror. She hadn't had time to brush her hair properly that morning due to not waking up in time so her appearance was relatively disheveled. She didn't like what she saw in the mirror that much. Her hair was a rather ... interesting form of orange after a disastrous dyeing incident in Vietnam in the summer holidays. She was short, although taller than Parvati, but unlike Parvati, she did not make being short an art. Freckles adorned her snub nose. People, like her Dad and Parvati, called them cute. She called them hideous. The only thing she really liked about her appearance was her large eyes, dark purple in colour, and able to get her out of most situations.

Lavender shook her head and went back to her bed, where she began writing a letter to her father, telling him that she hadn't been raped and murdered in the three weeks she'd been at Hogwarts that year. Her Dad, being a Muggle, didn't entirely trust Hogwarts - particularly when he found out about the number of student deaths over the past five years.

One, but nonetheless. People don't go around dying at Muggle High Schools apparently.

"Writing to Daddy again?" Parvati said, a little too mocking for Lavender's taste.

"He worries," she said defensively. "Besides, it's not like you never write to your parents."

Parvati bit her bottom lip. Her parents were a touchy subject. They'd recently divorced and Parvati and Padma hadn't quite forgiven them. "Padma normally writes and I sign. Mum only reads Hindu anyway and I couldn't write a word in it if you paid me. Padma's much better at the whole languages thing."

"Hey!" Lavender said, in horror. "We did brilliantly at that French course! I aime-d it tres much." For the second half of the summer, they had taken a Wizarding French course every morning. Sadly, they'd missed the lecture on French fashion. Seeing as they had been out buying British fashion, Lavender didn't feel too badly over it. But it would have been better than talking about Brittany's windmills. Or was it lighthouses? She didn't know. She'd dozed off once she'd been told that Brittany was a lot like New Zealand.

Parvati laughed. "Oui, I aime-d it beaucoup also." Her sober mood gone, she glanced at her watch. "Gryffindor's ass! We have Potions in about two minutes. Snape's going to kill us."

"Nothing he hasn't done before," Lavender remarked, grabbing her satchel.

They ran down to the dungeons and managed to get to the back of the line of students filing into the gloomy classroom. Snape was standing at the front of the class, glaring at them. He hadn't been very pleased to find that so many Gryffindors had gotten into Potions. As well as Parvati, Lavender and Hermione, Harry Potter and Dean Thomas had all received 'Outstanding' in the Potions OWL. He seemed as vindictive as usual, Lavender thought. His black beetle-eyes peered out from beneath mountains of thick greasy hair and his mouth was curved in disdain.

"If we find out when his birthday is, can we get him some shampoo? He looks as if he needs it." Lavender stifled her giggles.

"Miss Patil, Miss Brown," Snape snapped. "If you would be so kind as to be quiet." Parvati smirked. "And get that smile off your face now. It's not funny."

Parvati lowered her head demurely. At least he hadn't taken points off. "Today," Snape continued, with a final glare in their direction. "We will be learning the theory behind the chemical reactions involved in ox-ee-da-sion. This is similar to the Muggle science, oxidation." He sneered. "However, we wizards know subtleties that Muggles know nothing of."

Lavender raised her hand. "Isn't oxydation just 'oxidation' in French?"

Snape's nostrils flared dangerously. "And your point is...?"

"Well, I just think it's a bit peculiar that the great 'subtlety' is that we translate all the English into French."

"Ten points from Gryffindor for daring to question the sensibility of my lessons," Snape said silkily.

Lavender raised an eyebrow. "It was a bad translation anyway," Parvati muttered to her.

Snape ignored her while Lavender giggled. She wondered how long it would take for him to kick them out. They had decided, after a week of terror, that they were sick of Snape and were endeavoring to get in as much trouble as possible.

They emerged from the dungeons, wrists aching from the pages of notes and eyes watering in the sudden sunlight. "It's far too dark down there," Lavender complained, rubbing her wrists out of their cramp.

They wandered off to Divination, where they were settling into a fine routine of doing very little each lesson. Most of the class had dropped Divination. Only her, Parvati and Seamus were left. The lessons mainly consisted of Trelawney giving them a text book page, them doing five minutes of work and spending the rest of the lesson teasing Seamus about his Ravenclaw girlfriend, Lisa.

"It's so cute," Lavender whispered. "Our ickle Seamikins is all grown up." They had dated in fourth year, broken up and become good friends.

Seamus hit her.

Professor Trelawney murmured something like, "Discussion helps clear the inner eye, my dears."

Charms was fairly eventless. The only thing of note was that Lavender set Zacharias Smith's robes on fire with a fire curse. He was not pleased and told her this in strident tones while Lavender tried not to laugh and Professor Flitwick tried to calm the class down. Parvati looked over at her and grinned and Lavender felt slightly dizzy.

"Brown? Are you even listening to me?" Zacharias yelled.

"Not really," Lavender said frankly. "Your voice gets a little tiring." She wasn't concentrating. Over the other side of the classroom, Parvati was flirting with Harry. She was fluttering her eyelashes slightly and pouting. Lavender grimaced.

Zacharias looked thoughtful as they packed up their books. Although, Lavender thought, that could have been fury. She was still useless at gauging male expressions.

That night, Lavender couldn't sleep. The windows were slightly open and a sharp breeze was flowing through them but she still felt hot and a little feverish. One day Parvati would realise...

"Can't sleep either?" Parvati's voice cut into her thoughts.

Lavender retained her façade of normality. "No. The room is too close."

Parvati's voice had a grin in it. "Hermione? Daphne?"

It was too silent.

"Look, I know you both can't sleep. I think this calls for a midnight game."

Daphne gave up on getting to sleep before three o'clock in the morning, and dragged herself and her blankets over to Parvati's bed. Lavender jumped onto it.

"Hermione?" Lavender murmured. "We know you're awake. There's no snoring."

"I do not...oh crap." Hermione's tone was testy. "I'm a prefect you know. I could give you detentions."

"Just think of the duffing up you'll receive if you do that," Parvati's voice was a little too sweet.

Once they were all assembled on Parvati's bed, Lavender grabbed the container of categories. "You all know the rules," she said. "This is Shag, Marry or Push off a Cliff. Pick a category - " they picked "- and we will choose three names among us. Who will start?" Lavender looked down at her slip of paper. It said 'Hufflepuff'.

"I'll go," Daphne offered. "I've got Slytherin."

"Okay," Parvati said. "Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini and -"

"- Theodore Nott," Hermione put in.

Daphne thought for a moment. "I'd shag Draco Malfoy, marry Theodore Nott and push Blaise Zabini off a cliff."

Hermione shuddered and from the dim light, Lavender could see that her face was lined with disgust. "You'd shag Draco Malfoy? He's despicable." Hermione tended to talk like she had swallowed a large thesaurus.

"He's better looking than my other choices," Daphne said, shrugging. "Besides, Pansy Parkinson told me that he's a bit of a player."

"Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Sex God," Lavender said, and they all laughed.

"I'll go now," Parvati said. "I've got Gryffindor."

"Ah, and we know why you want to go," Lavender said, waggling her eyebrows.

"Okay," Daphne said. "Harry Potter -"

"- obviously," Hermione said.

"- Ron Weasley and that really hot guy in seventh year, Lewis."

Parvati answered almost immediately. "I'd shag Lewis, marry Harry. Heh, that rhymes! And push Ron off a cliff."

"Hear, hear," Lavender said. Hermione whacked her.

"I really don't understand your fascination with Harry. He's scruffy and moody and thinks you're a bit silly," Hermione said.

"And we trust your opinion so much. We know you're lusting after Ron," Lavender said, dodging Hermione's hand and massaging her bruised shoulder. "I'll go now. I've got the Hufflepuffs."

"Ernie MacMillan, Justin Finch-Fletchley and ... Zacharias Smith - since you two got on so well in Charms," Hermione said, sniffing slightly. The trouble with Hermione was that she held grudges.

Lavender smiled. Hufflepuff was such an easy category. No one expected you to seriously want them. They were too nice. "Well, I'd push Justin Finch-Fletchley off a cliff. He's a little too..." She bit her lip in thought.

"Gay?" Parvati suggested, laughing.

"That was bitchy," Lavender replied tersely. No one seemed to notice that she had become much tenser. "No, too needy. I'd shag Ernie and marry Zacharias."

Hermione's reaction equaled her reaction to Draco Malfoy. "You'd marry Zacharias? He's contemptible."

"He's not very attractive," Parvati put in doubtfully.

Well if I can't have Parvati, I don't want anyone, Lavender thought. Out loud she said, "He has a cute nose. And I like his curls."

"Hardly the basis for a stable relationship," Daphne remarked dryly.

"It's a start," Lavender said, smirking at Parvati. "We all know 'Vati here only wants Harry because she he's so 'hot and brooding'." Parvati smirked back.

Hermione looked confused. "But he's not. I'll never understand you, Parvati."

"Whatever," Parvati said, waving her hand dismissively. "It's your turn now, Hermione. What's your category?"

"I don't want to play anymore," Hermione said. She started to move but Daphne pinned her down. Helpless, she glared at Daphne, usually on her side in these sorts of dormitory discussions.

"You got teachers, didn't you?" Daphne said. Lavender could detect a cackle in her laugh. "Okay, I say we all choose one. And, to make it easier, it's past and present teachers. I choose Lockhart."

"Professor Lupin," Parvati said. "He was sweet. Crayola?"

Lavender rubbed the bruise on her arm where Hermione had hit her earlier. It was starting to hurt. "Snape. You know, that hurt before, Hermione. You should watch your strength. I could report you for abuse or something..."

"Shut up, Crayola," Parvati said, yawning slightly. "I want to hear Hermione's answers."

Hermione's face was as red as Ron Weasley's hair. She hid her face in her blankets. "This is so unfair," she muttered.

"Luck of the draw," Parvati said. "Or, should I say, mischance?" They laughed.

"Fine. Fine!" Hermione said huffily. "I'd marry Lupin."

"Good start," Daphne said, approvingly. "I'd have married him."

Hermione muttered something. "Couldn't quite hear that," Lavender said, grinning.

"I'd push Lockhart off a cliff."

It took Lavender's brain a few seconds to work out the implications of that statement. Then, she fell off the bed. "I think we should all go to sleep now."

She didn't sleep much that night. Images of Snape, Hermione and a can of whipped cream haunted her dreams. The sugarplums had taken one look at the feather boas and ran as fast as they could to a safer, happier place, where they were less likely to be molested by a Snape carrying a bottle of chocolate-flavoured body paint. On the whole, Lavender sympathised with them. It was quite disturbing really.