Welcome to the Light Side

Author's Notes: Thanks to hogwartsduchess of MuggleNet Fan Fiction for beta reading, and thanks to Emilia, HPAddicted, Cho_Malfoy, Juliet Buttler, and Poison Tears for the reviews. Chapter Two is dedicated to the College Board, purveyor of great pleasures to American high school students. Happy 50th birthday to the AP program!!! [/sarcasm]

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I never walk into social events, even eating lunch with a group of friends, without knowing exactly what to expect for a reason. It's not like I'm the really domineering sort who has to be in control of all the planning and all the determining of who to invite and who to exclude, but I just need to be mentally prepared for the situation. Here I was thinking that Terry, Harry, Ron and I were going to have a nice meal at The Leaky Cauldron and then go our separate ways, and suddenly were going to "meet up" with "some people" somewhere "in Hogsmeade." The whole state of affairs is too ambiguous for me, and if the people with whom we're meeting up turn out to be people with whom I do not particularly want to meet up, I'm in for a hellish afternoon. On that particular afternoon, hellish was in the cards, all right.

"Look what the wind blew in!" Colin Creevey exclaimed loudly from the center of The Three Broomsticks, where he was sitting with Terry, Parvati and Padma Patil, Harry, and Ginny Weasley. Incidentally, I'm never going to understand how that little Gryffindor twerp made his way into our inner circle; surely doting on Harry for all these years hasn't finally paid off? My only guess is that he has some sort of in with Ginny. By reputation among those of Ravenclaw House, at least, she'll snog anything that stands still long enough. This is one of many reasons I tend to avoid her. "C'mon in, Ron, Anthony," he paused briefly, looking at Zacharias questioningly, "and Zacharias. Pull up a chair ... make yourself at home ..."

Fortunately, there were plenty of chairs available to pull from the empty tables adjacent to my lovely little luncheon party. For two years, I'd always figured that my friends have been given a wide berth in public places because of The Celebrity Factor. Harry, of course, has been famous for nineteen years at this point, and Ron and Hermione Granger also accumulated a fair bit of glory to their names due to their roles in the downfall of Voldemort. Recently, however, I've come to a realization. The bottom line is that they're just weird, the whole lot of them. Ordinary witches and wizards think they'll be contaminated if they go too close, or worse, that their kids will be.

Even Harry, the man himself, is more than a little bit odd when it comes to his personal life. He's currently dating an eighteen-year-old first-year Auror trainee who used to play Chaser when he was the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain back in sixth year. That's not completely horrible in and of itself; I remember when eighteen-year-old Viktor Krum, for instance, took fourteen-year-old Hermione to the Yule Ball, and their lasting friendship continues to give hope to the love lives of all young men. What is completely horrible is that every time they go out they have to go out, as in, leave the house. There's no down time in a relationship like that. And you want to know why? Because Harry lives at the Weasleys' house with Ron and Ron's parents!

I quickly made to drag a chair next to Terry, across the table from Padma. Yes, she has been my girlfriend for four years, but I still get a funny feeling when we're together and Parvati's hanging around. This is for two main reasons. First, what if I got them mixed up? Would Parvati be kind enough to stop me if I were getting a little ahead of myself with her, or would she regard it all as some great big joke? Would Padma find it remotely amusing if I asked her sister out to dinner? And second, assuming that I didn't get them mixed up, I still find it embarrassing to have my girlfriend's sister nearby every waking second. It just puts me on edge. I never went to the Astronomy Tower while we were at Hogwarts. Three guesses why.

"Here, Anthony, take a menu -" Suddenly someone was shoving one in my face, and I realized that in my haste to avoid Padma I had ended up sitting between Colin and Ginny, the lone teenagers. Oh brother, this was going to be the pits. Colin doesn't know how to shut up and Ginny doesn't know how to stop flirting, even when the guy in question has been involved in a relationship since he was sixteen and his girlfriend is in the same room. I saw Terry shoot me a quick but apologetic glance, and I briefly felt lucky to have a normal roommate, at least. Key word: briefly. Savour this moment.

"So where's Hermione got to that she has to skip lunch, Ginny?" Parvati opened the talk conversationally, glancing up from her menu.

"Don't know," Ginny said, raising her eyebrow. "I'm only the roommate." Hermione, Ginny, and Luna Lovegood, a nineteen-year-old who was in my House at Hogwarts, live together in some apartment in London, only Hermione and Ginny may as well live alone so far as paying the rent is concerned. To the best of my knowledge, Luna decided to go on some bizarre escapade involving The Quibbler newsmagazine and a passel of helio-somethings when she was eighteen, and hasn't returned since. She always was a bit of a creepy kid, in my humble opinion. "It's the boyfriend's responsibility to know her whereabouts," Ginny added, looking pointedly at Ron.

"Oh yeah," said Ron, gesticulating vaguely. "Job interview. She's through with the Ministry, I think - wants to join this arthro - anthro - whatever - a-something-pology group abroad. Has to do with rune translation, unless I'm completely off-base." Even after my disaster of a crush, I've always had a special place in my heart for Hermione, who was Head Girl the year I was Head Boy, though I have to admit that I was not entirely surprised to hear that her first career at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures was not a rip-roaring success. The story's a bit different depending on the source, but everyone seems to be in a state of general agreement that she attempted to incite a house-elf riot and ended up exciting the goblins.

"It's too bad she couldn't make it," Ginny sighed. "I was hoping for her advice on ... something."

"What do you need advice on that the rest of us can't help you with?" Ron shot across the table, suddenly sitting bolt upright. He has a habit of choosing the worst times to go all overprotective-big-brother on us. This little idiosyncrasy of his has spoiled many a happy meal.

"Nothing, Ron," Ginny said impatiently. "Girl things," she added delicately.

"Oh, so is that why you came here, Ginny? Looking for Hermione? I was wondering." In a rather rare display of presence of mind, Harry interrupted at exactly the right instant, for Ron was glaring angrily at his sister and his ears were starting to turn bright red. "How are things going at work? We scarcely see you at all anymore!"

"Oh, all right, you know ..." For all her faults, Ginny remains the only person among us who managed to quickly secure both a job (an internship at the International Magical Office of Law) and a suitor (some twenty-two-year-old up-and-coming foreign fellow in her Department) of some prestige. Unfortunately, she let go of the boyfriend three months ago and since then has been showing every sign of letting go of the job as well.

"You still hot stuff in legal affairs?" Terry asked, leaning forward slightly in what I think he thought was a cool and sophisticated way, and causing me to promptly choke into the glass of gillywater that Madam Rosmerta had just placed in front of me. I feel sorry for him sometimes, I really do ... well, I actually feel sorry for any bloke who can't even flirt with Ginny Weasley; the girl's mind somehow manages to translate a request to borrow a quill into an innuendo of some sort.

"Oh," Ginny sighed heavily, frowning slightly, "the work takes care of me, of course, and what with Hermione going through the job transition and Luna flitting off to Scandinavia or wherever the hell she went I really have to have something that pays the rent. But I'm only two years out of Hogwarts, and the whole international scene is just so boring, not to mention awkward now that Jean-Claude and I aren't speaking ... not that it wasn't awkward when I was dating my boss or anything ..."

"Oh Ginny," Harry groaned sympathetically, clearly completely oblivious to Terry's vain attempts to capture her attention. "We've been so worried about Hermione's job hunt, I think we all keep forgetting how hard it must be on you, having to provide financial support for three people ... if there's anything I can ever do to help, anything at all ..."

Terry rolled his eyes at me from across the table, and I mouthed a quick "nice try" back at him. Pathetic though I find my roommate's romance skills, one has to wonder why exactly Potter still feels the need to flirt with his ex-girlfriend, seeing that he's been in another perfectly happy relationship for several months at this point and Demelza Robins is showing no signs of dumping him soon, Weasley house and all.

"... I mean, it kind of feels odd to be seeing him after all these years, since the last time we actually spoke was the summer after we graduated from Hogwarts and ... I don't know ... he was perfectly sweet at school, but maybe he changed since then, d'you know what I mean?"

"Well, Anthony knows him, don't you, Anthony? Since you're both with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?" Padma said loudly, and I suddenly realized that the discussion of Ginny's romance and employment situation had dwindled off into a side conversation between Harry, Terry, and of course, the lady herself, while the rest of the group appeared to be immersed in Parvati's "potential relationship."

"I - erm - what?" I asked, very much wrong-footed.

"Dean Thomas, he asked Parvati out when they ran into each other in Diagon Alley last week and she said she'd send him an owl after she checked her work schedule," Padma explained impatiently. "Anyway, would you say he's really different from the way he was at Hogwarts?"

"Er ..." I stalled, slightly reluctant to give opinion; while it was perfectly true that I ran into Dean almost every time I visited the Ministry on work business and we had even gone out to breakfast together a number of times over the past two years, who knew what sort of trouble I could get into if I sent my girlfriend's twin sister off on an unenjoyable date? "He's a nice bloke," I offered mildly when Padma started drumming her fingers on the table. "I mean," I added quickly, deciding that a pre-emptive defense might be in order at this point, "I never really saw him much at Hogwarts since he was in Gryffindor and I was in Ravenclaw, obviously, so I'm not in much of a position to judge whether he's changed since we left school, but he's interning with the Wizengamot so things couldn't have gone too badly for him ..."

Parvati's and Colin's eyes widened and they sat in stunned silence as though they had just witnessed the Second Coming, and then just as suddenly, they took off on their excited chattering again, filled with rejuvenated hope. To be fair, I'm sure that this is how any of us would have reacted to the prospect of a partner with A Real Job and Maybe Even A Future and to go out on a real limb, Possibly Some Money. Exhibit A: Padma Patil, who is now gazing fondly at her boyfriend and feeling immensely content and at peace with herself. I give myself way too much credit!

Having resolved the tangled love lives of the Patil sisters, I turned back to Ginny and Harry, who had somehow turned the tide of the conversation and now seemed to be interrogating Terry about his own romances. I keep telling the prat that the only way he'll be able to maintain his privacy in this world is if he doesn't intrude on the privacy of others; clearly the stupid fellow has yet to learn his lesson.

"Well, I've been involved in many relationships over the past couple of months ..." Terry was saying. I swear, if he had known Legilimency, I'm sure he would have been sending do-not-say-a-word-if-you-would-like-to-come-out-of-this-meal-alive brainwaves in my direction at the speed of light. "And though I've met several attractive witches at the Ministry, all of whom appear to be greatly interested in me, I just don't think I'm ready for any sort of long-term commitment. Harry, you're a young guy, I'm sure you know what I mean - actually, you probably don't, as you've been with the same girl for four months, and yes, that's a long time to me - but you definitely understand, Ginny!" he recovered triumphantly. "You and Claude-what's-his-name lasted what, a month?" Honestly, could you dig yourself into a deeper hole?

"It was a year, not a month, you bloody moron!" Ginny snarled, casting a sidelong glance in Harry's direction. "And I swear on my life, I would force-feed Amortentia to Zacharias before a woman three years older than you would fancy you! You have no business even speaking Jean-Claude's name, he's so far out of your league!"

"Whereas you're fresh off a string of really great boyfriends, little Ginny," Terry said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Most recent was the French bloke who dumped you as soon as he met someone equally good-looking who was his own age, before him came the eighteen-year-old Belgian guy who you dated for three months before you realized he already had a wife. Maybe you got a little skittish about young people after that one; it would explain Claudius le charmeur at any rate. And before him, of course, was the infamous Hombre Atractivo, but I just can't remember what was the matter with him, hmm? The language barrier, perhaps? That is to say, the fact that he spoke zero English and usted no habla español? And before him -"

"So sorry to disrupt your conversation, but I really wanted to know whether you reversed many magical accidents at work this morning, Terry?" I interrupted quickly. As much as I hated to do it, the time had come for someone to interject. I love listening to Terry's sarcastic stream-of-consciousness riffs as much as the next guy, and indeed, his cynical side is probably the main reason why we've remained friends for nine years at this point, but the fact remained that Ginny Weasley's boyfriend before Hombre Atractivo was Harry Potter, and I didn't think a nasty joke at my co-worker's expense would be a good idea at all.

"Oh please, I frankly don't think any of us care whatsoever about the Accidental Magical Reversal Squad," Zacharias said haughtily, finally making his presence known. Padma, who works with Terry, bristled; all the eyes around the table swivelled in our direction, making me feel very uncomfortable indeed. "But now that you've interrupted Terry and Ginny's conversation anyway, Anthony, I actually have something that I wanted to ask him." Like I've said, this is a man who is very good at pinning blame and very bad at accepting responsibility.

"Oh yeah?" Terry raised his eyebrows sceptically, apparently forgetting about his verbal spar with Ginny on the spot, and quite understandably, in my opinion; the words "I have something to ask you" issued from the mouth of Zacharias Smith are rarely followed by a question that you have any desire to answer. "What do you want to ask me?" he added, now in a tone suggestive of a convicted criminal's while awaiting the Dementor who would administer the fatal Kiss (don't ask from whence my creative analogies originate).

"Well," said Zacharias, "I probably should be asking Anthony as well," he conceded, prompting me to cringe inwardly, "but I already know what his answer is going to be, since we're such close friends. I'm twenty years old, I'm finishing my final year of Auror training, I'm going to be employed by next June, and my parents want me to get out of their house already. So what I wanted to know ... well, put it this way. I know you two have room to spare, and I want to move in with you."