The Hogwarts Players Present

Act the First: Part 5

You Just Can't Keep Hermione Offstage...

Lights up on the ABC CAFÉ set. This consists of three tables clustered center stage, all with red tablecloths on them. Ron, Neville, Dean, and Four Random Gryffindor Sixth Years are clustered around the center table. A map lies on the table, which all of the students are studying seriously.

The music cues in as the lights come up on the frozen tableau. All of a sudden, Cedric dashes on from stage right, thinking he's missed a cue. He elbows his way past Neville in order to stand next to Ron. Ron turns to him, surprised. Cedric gives a little "Wow, I almost messed this up!" sort of grin, as Neville and the other STUDENTS look away a little embarrassedly.

The problem is that Cedric has indeed "messed up"; he's not supposed to enter till later. Ron makes furious shooing motions, to no avail--Cedric just glances confusedly from Ron to Neville and back again.

There are some titters backstage as Ron finally gives up, and turns back to the map. The other STUDENTS follow suit, deciding to just ignore Cedric's presence. And they begin:

RED AND BLACK

DEAN

At Notre Dame the sections are prepared!

NEVILLE

At Rue de Bac they're straining at the leash!

Students, workers, everyone,

Like the flowing of the tide,

Paris coming to our side!

Ron is loving the part of ENJOLRAS, and plays it with a lot of dramatic forcefulness. Meaning that he's hamming it up just a bit with his emoting. Anyway, as he listens to Dean and Neville sing, Ron is leaning over the map, palms flat on the table on either side of the map. For reference, he looks like a ship captain poring over a route in any of those old seafaring movies.

RON

The time is near.

So near, it's stirring the blood in their veins.

And yet, beware:

Ron looks up dramatically, and surveys the STUDENTS around him. There are some snickers from backstage at Ron's performance, but he either doesn't notice or doesn't care.

RON (stabbing the air with his pointer finger)

Don't let the wine go to your brains!

For the army we fight is a dangerous foe.

Ron slaps the table a bit harder than necessary, causing everyone onstage to jump.

With the men and the arms that we never can match.

He slaps the table again, but the others don't react. A few of the wine bottles on the table bounce, though.

RON

We need a sign, to rally the people, to call them to arms,

To bring them in line!

Slightly disgusted,

Ron turns to Cedric, who's just standing there like a lemon. There's some more muffled laughter from backstage as Ron gives the next line, looking irritated (but in the context of the scene, it works).

RON (spoken)

Marius, you're late.

Cedric looks confused (this is becoming a common occurrence), and just stares at Ron blankly. Ron, rolling his eyes, pushes Cedric around to the front of the table where the rest of the STUDENTS surround him.

NEVILLE

You look as if you've seen a ghost.

DEAN (holding out an uncorked bottle)

Some wine and say what's going on.

Cedric, not quite grasping the concept of "miming," takes a big swig from the bottle (which luckily contains only water). He coughs and sputters, spraying Dean and Neville, who jump backward. Ron is starting to flush, annoyed and embarrassed. He gives a brief, apologetic glance out toward the audience. Meanwhile, Cedric has missed his cue, and the music has gone on without him. Finally Neville, looking worried, slaps Cedric on the back and gives him his cue, sotto voice:

NEVILLE: Quick-- "a ghost you say?"

CEDRIC: Huh? I didn't say...

NEVILLE: Your LINE!

CEDRIC: OH!

Offstage, we hear Hermione, Harry, and Draco snort disgustedly at Cedric's ineptitude.

CEDRIC (off tempo)

A ghost you say? A..um..

Cedric is completely lost. He doesn't have his libretto, and he just looks around helplessly. Dean, still brushing Cedric's spit off the front of his shirt, looks annoyed. Neville is looking around as though trying to decide what to do. The other STUDENTS are just standing there. The conductor finally throws up his hands, and the music cuts off.

From the audience:

MCGONAGALL: Oh dear, this isn't going well at all, is it?

SNAPE: (snidely) I think Mr. Diggory left his script backstage when he made his early and incorrect entrance.

MCGONAGALL: That was a rhetorical comment, Severus.

SNAPE: It was phrased as a question--how was I to know you didn't expect an answer?

MCGONAGALL: (annoyed) I was simply using the "rhetorical question" medium in order to state a fact.

FLITWICK: (piping up from his seat on McGonagall's left) Is there such a thing as "the rhetorical question medium"?

McGonagall just glares at Flitwick, who shrugs and turns back toward the stage. There's a pause, during which the majority of the audience gets a mean sort of pleasure from watching Cedric crash and burn. Finally:

DUMBLEDORE: (with a little chuckle) Oh my. Look at Mr. Weasley.

Ron looks ready to explode. His face is red, and his hands are balled into fists as he stands behind the table. Cedric is screwing up ENJOLRAS'S scene!

After about a minute of silence and shuffling, Neville comes to the rescue. He motions to the orchestra to take up where they left off, and pulls Cedric closer to center stage. Neville stands almost completely behind Cedric, and begins to sing MARIUS'S lines. There's a general sigh of relief from the cast, both offstage and on.

NEVILLE (with Cedric clumsily lip-syncing)

She was just like a ghost to me.

One minute there and she was gone.

Cedric gives Neville a grateful look, and Dean slaps Neville's shoulder in a "good job" gesture, before he sings:

DEAN (in a teasing tone)

Is Marius in love at last?

Dean turns to Ron, who is turning back to his normal color and unclenching his fists.

DEAN

You talk of battles to be won,

And here he comes like Don Ju-an!

Dean pushes past Neville, and sings in a falsetto, one hand on Cedric's shoulder:

DEAN

It is better than an o-per-a!

The STUDENTS, laughing, descend on

Cedric, giving him good-natured punches and slaps on the back. Cedric still looks a little blank (like a fire-cracker just went off very close to his ear and he can't quite figure out what happened), and nervous because Neville (the walking libretto) is now about five feet away.

There's a lengthy bit of music, and the STUDENTS all run out of things to do. Now they just stand in a cluster around

Cedric. Dean and Neville are the only ones doing any sort of "acting."

From the audience, during the interlude:

SNAPE: Well, this all looks ridiculously staged.

DUMBLEDORE: (friendly but firm) Severus...

SNAPE: (determined to be a git) It does. They've no idea what they're doing. As soon as they perform the actions they've already decided on, they're completely lost. No sense of improvisation.

DUMBLEDORE: (amused) I'm sure that what you've just said will make perfect sense after I've had a moment to think about it.

Further discussion is cut short by

Ron's cue. He walks around to the front of the table, and comes to a stop in the middle of the STUDENTS' cluster. He has a deadly serious look on his face as he surveys the other actors.

RON (quietly, very serious)

It is time for us all to decide who we are.

Have you asked of yourselves what's the price you might pay?

Everybody is stunned by

Ron's excellent delivery. From backstage:

HERMIONE: (sounding almost surprised) Ron is doing a brilliant job.

HARRY: Yeah, definitely...But it's sort of creepy, isn't it, seeing Ron looking so...I dunno...intense.

HERMIONE: Yes, actually. Quite creepy.

Although

Ron is being serious, there's an obvious expression of enjoyment underneath as he continues:

RON (a little louder, a bit angrier)

Is this simply a game for rich young boys to play?

The color of the world is changing day by day!

Just before

Ron launches into his number, there's a muffled discussion from the audience:

MCGONAGALL: (surprised) My word, Mr. Weasley is giving an excellent performance in this scene.

DUMBLEDORE: I quite agree. (a pause) But seeing him with that life-or-death expression on his face...it's a little creepy, don't you think?

MCGONAGALL: (nods) Quite creepy.

Ron whips one of the red tablecloths off of a table, sending wine bottles skittering and rolling into the orchestra pit. He takes no notice, but brandishes the tablecloth over his head as he sings out toward the audience:

RON (forcefully, fist to chest)

Red, the blood of angry men!

Black, the dark of ages past!

Red, a world about to dawn!

Black, the night that ends at last!

All of the STUDENTS cheer, and cluster around

Ron (Cedric a little late), talking excitedly. All of a sudden, Colin comes rushing in from stage left, looking frantic. He tugs on the sleeves of various students, pulling their elbows, etc., trying to get someone to pay attention to him. No one does.

Finally,

Colin jumps up onto one of the chairs.

COLIN (cupping his hands around his mouth)

LISTEN!!!

One by one, the students fall silent and turn to stare at

Colin. Colin looks down at them, obviously about to make a big announcement. He takes a deep breath, his fellow actors waiting, anticipating...the dramatic pause business just keeps going...Then:

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: Get on with it!!

RANDOM A.M. 2: Yes! Get on with the plot now, please!

SNAPE: (under his breath, sarcastically) Yes, the suspense is killing us...

McGonagall shushes the students, then leans forward in her seat in order to glare at Snape.

Colin looks out at the audience, hurt. But he takes the advice to heart, and delivers his line:

COLIN (as sadly and pathetically as possible)

General Lamarque [dramatic pause]

Is dead.

Immediately, from the audience:

ENTIRE STUDENT BODY: Who?

SNAPE: Oh, for...

Snape rubs his temples, as though getting a migraine. McGonagall is also slightly irritated, but Dumbledore, as ever, is just amused.

Hermione, though, is less amused. All of a sudden, she pokes her head out of the wings, and addresses the audience in a teacher-like tone:

HERMIONE: Now really! General Lamarque was the one man in the French government that stood up for the rights of the people. His death facilitates the student uprising, because now there's no one left to speak for the poor. We mentioned it three songs ago! You should have paid attention.

There's a stunned silence from the audience. All on stage have turned toward Hermione, gaping. Ron, however, is a little indignant.

RON: (sotto) I was just about to say that...it's my next line!

He glares, upset at being upstaged. There are some mutters of "What a know-it-all" and "She's so bossy!" from the audience. Hermione just sniffs, and then disappears backstage. Ron narrows his eyes and faces the audience, twisting the red tablecloth like he's trying to strangle it.

RON: (sarcastic) All caught up now, are you?

ENTIRE STUDENT BODY: Yes.

RON:

Fine.

And so Ron continues, singing each line emphasizing "the people's man" with a glance at where Hermione had been a moment before.

RON

Lamarque is dead.

The people's man.

His death is the sign we await!

The music for "Do You Hear the People Sing?" cues in. There's excited muttering from backstage as Ron takes center stage, handing the tablecloth to Neville.

*~End of Part 5~*