The Hogwarts Players Present

Act the First: Part 4

Neville, Luna, Cho and Cedric Appear, Audience Confusion, and Draco's Big Number

The crying abates as the the lights come up, revealing a slum in Paris--the backdrop is the same sooty brick wall from "At the End of the Day," along with a raised platform with a railing on it upstage center to represent a bridge.

As the musical interlude nears its end, the chorus of the POOR, made up of

Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, enters from both wings and fills up the stage. Some are kneeling on the floor, some are leaning against each other for support--in short, they all look extremely pathetic. Their clothes are in varying degrees of raggedness, and all of them are very dirty. As magical fog filters out of the base of the brick wall, the POOR begin to sing:

THE BEGGARS (LOOK DOWN)

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS

Look down and see the beggars at your feet.

Look down and show some mercy if you can.

Look down and see the sweepings of the street.

Look down, look down, upon your fellow man.

Suddenly, from the audience:

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: (whispering) Wait, what's going on?

RANDOM A.M. 2: No idea, mate.

RANDOM A.M. 3: I'm confused!

RANDOM A.M. 2: I'm sensing a continuity error.

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: (loudly) What in the name of Merlin is going on? I think we skipped something important...

SEAMUS: (from offstage) Ha! I told you they'd notice that there was no "Master of the House!"

The action onstage freezes, but the music continues under. Nobody onstage is quite sure of what to do. They all look at one another, wondering whether to keep going or not.

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: (still loud) I thought Valjean was going to get Cosette...What happened?

RANDOM A.M. 3: Did he die along the way or something?

RANDOM A.M. 2: Where are we now, anyway? I though Cosette lived with some ruddy innkeeper...is she homeless now?

Faces of the cast, including

Harry, Ron, and Hermione at the forefront, appear in the wings, just visible peeking around the edge of the curtain. They look puzzled. The orchestra conductor is also pretty puzzled. The music keeps playing, but no one sings. Snape decides to intervene.

SNAPE: (turning in his seat) Silence, the lot of you!

MCGONAGALL: (also turning) Yes, some of us are trying to watch, you know.

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: (cheekily) But Professor, they skipped

something.

RANDOM A.M. 3: And we're confused!

MCGONAGALL: (annoyed) What do you mean, you're confused? What's there to be confused about?

RANDOM A.M. 2: Well, we don't know what happened...did Valjean adopt Cosette?

RANDOM A.M. 3: Or did he die or something?

SNAPE: No, Valjean did not die...Although the show might be better for it.

MCGONAGALL: Professor Snape, do you mind?

SNAPE: (petulant) Mind what, Professor McGonagall?

MCGONAGALL: (ignoring

Snape) Will you all be quiet, please? You will find the plot of the show detailed in your program. That should answer your questions. Now settle down!

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: But if we stop to read the program, we'll miss the song!

SNAPE: That is not our concern. Now stop disturbing the rest of us or you will find yourself with a week's worth of detentions!

RANDOM A.M. 2: But Professor Snape...

RANDOM A.M. 3: I'm still confused!

SNAPE: Ten points from...from...Whatever house you belong to! Now SILENCE!

The

Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs onstage have started milling around, casting glances at the little drama going on in the first few rows of the audience. Draco and Pansy are peeking around the curtain now as well to try and figure out what's causing the holdup. Just as the music gears up again, preparing to continue the song, Dumbledore realizes that something's amiss, and the music halts again:

DUMBLEDORE: (finally turning around) What seems to be the problem?

MCGONAGALL: Some less considerate members of the audience are having problems following the plot of the show, and decided to make the rest of us suffer for it.

DUMBLEDORE: Oh, is that all? (to students, sotto) As I said, this is a preview only, so some plot points are missing. I'll catch you up: Valjean adopted Cosette, Fantine's daughter, and moved to Saint Michel in Paris. He's still a very wealthy man and on the run from the police, but Cosette is none the wiser. In this scene, it's nine years after Valjean took Cosette away from the innkeeper Thenardier, and the city of Paris is in turmoil. That's the short of it, since I'd very much like to see the show continue now. There's more detail in your programs. All caught up now, then? Splendid.

Dumbledore turns back to face the stage, McGonagall and Snape following suit.

The audience members shut up, and riffle through their programs. Dumbledore nods to the orchestra conductor, who continues the music. The faces around the curtain disappear, and Colin as GAVROCHE enters from stage left, strutting to center stage while singing:

COLIN

How do you do?

My name's Gavroche.

Colin stops in mid-strut, realizing that the gang of STREET URCHINS (played by a group of Random First Years) that are supposed to be following him aren't there. Looking nervous, he motions down to the orchestra to just keep repeating his cue music. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs onstage are all very irritated by this new holdup. After the cue repeats for the third time, we hear Ron from offstage:

RON: Oy! Midgets! You missed your cue!

HERMIONE: Ron! I told you before, you can't call first years midgets!

RON: And I told you before--they're titchy!

During the above argument, five very small Random First Years have rushed onstage from left to gather around Colin at center. So Colin continues:

COLIN (with the air of a tour guide)

This is my country, here's my patch.

This is my school, my high society,

Here in the slums of Saint Michel.

Think you're poor? Think you're free?

Follow me!

Colin leads the URCHINS up onto the bridge, and they all watch the action going on below.

As Colin finishes, Ron as ENJOLRAS, Neville as JOLY, Dean as GRANTAIRE, and Cedric as MARIUS have entered from SL, followed by four other Random Gryffindors. All of them are much cleaner than the POOR, and wear black school caps.

Cedric is carrying an armload of books--the top one is all too obviously the libretto for Les Miserables: School Edition. He also has no idea what to do. Neville, taking pity, sort of covertly leads him around the stage.

The STUDENTS begin handing out coins to the POOR, as Ron, Cedric, and Neville move to center stage.

RON (very dramatically, with lots of fist-pumping)

Where are the leaders of the land?

Where are the swells who run this show?

Neville quickly points to the spot in the libretto where Cedric is supposed to be, and Cedric sings while reading from the script.

CEDRIC (sort of flatly--no time for comprehension)

Only one man, and that's Lamarque

Speaks for the people here below.

HUFFLPUFFS

See our children fed!

RAVENCLAWS

Help us in our shame!

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS

Something for a crust of bread in holy Jesus' name!

CEDRIC (trying to keep up with the music)

Lamarque is ill and fading fast.

Won't last the week out, so they say.

RON

With all the anger in the land,

How long before the Judgement Day,

Before we cut the fat ones down to size?

(he turns to face the audience, and hoists a fist in the air)

Before the barricades arise?

Ron spins on his heel, and he and Neville walk toward the POOR. Cedric, who is immersed in the libretto, doesn't notice. Neville sees him, and goes over to him. He grabs Cedric's arm and leads him over to Ron, and the three of them stand talking to the POOR, Cedric still looking a little lost.

Seamus enters from SR. He's dragging a petulant looking Pansy by the wrist--she really doesn't want to be here. She's carrying a bundled-up blanket under one arm. Seamus is wearing a wild-looking gray wig, along with a dirty shirt and trousers held up with a rope belt. They are trailed by Crabbe, Goyle and Nott, who now make up THENARDIER'S GANG. The GANG members menace the POOR as they walk past, snatching coins from them and such. Pansy stands with a hand on her hip, glaring out over the audience, while Seamus does some hammy "evil" gestures and grins.

COLIN (pointing at Seamus)

Watch out for old Thenardier,

All of his family's on the make.

Once ran a hash-house down the way,

Bit of a swine and no mistake!

From the audience again:

RANDOM A.M. 2: Oh!! He must be the ruddy innkeeper.

RANDOM A.M. 3: Is a "hash-house" an inn?

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: I thought it was a brothel.

RANDOM A.M. 2: Oh, gross! Fantine had her daughter living in a brothel??

SNAPE: (whipping around in his seat) SILENCE, OR I SHALL HEX YOU INTO OBLIVION!!

MCGONAGALL: (also turning) And a hash-house is indeed an inn, not a brothel.

The audience members shut up, the teachers turn back around, and

Colin continues:

COLIN

He's got the gang, the "Bleeding Lay-About."

Even his daughter does her share.

That's Eponine, she knows her way about.

Only a kid, but tough to scare.

Cho Chang as EPONINE has entered from SR, looking dirty and wearing rags. As she enters, she hams it up, trying to look tough-yet-alluring by doing a bit of posturing and mugging--basically, trying to upstage everybody. A Ravenclaw near her notices, and pokes her in the side. Cho, miffed, settles for hovering over near Cedric and looking forlorn.

Cedric is supposed to notice Cho, but of course he's oblivious. Cho grabs his shoulders and whirls him around to face her, just in time for his cue.

CEDRIC

Hey Cho-- (Cho shakes her head wildly, and points to the libretto)

Oh! Eponine.

(

Cedric begins to read from libretto)

I haven't seen you much about.

CHO (with a flip of her hair)

Here you can always catch me in.

CEDRIC

Mind the police don't catch you out.

Harry, and Luna as COSETTE, enter from upstage right, climbing up onto the bridge. Harry now has a gray moustache to match his hair, and is wearing a somber black suit. Luna, holding limply onto Harry's arm and strolling uninterestedly, is wearing a black mourning dress. As they cross the bridge, Colin and the Random First Years move to let them by.

This is Pansy's cue, and instead of singing, she just crosses her arms over her chest and scowls. Yet again, the cue is replayed (the conductor's getting used to this). Finally, Seamus jerks her elbow and glares at her. Pansy glares back, but starts singing:

PANSY (gesturing vaguely at Harry on the bridge)

Here's the old boy, stay on the job,

And watch out for the law.

Harry and Luna descend from the bridge, coming to a stop next to where Ron is handing out coins. Luna watches Ron with some interest, as Harry glances sympathetically at one of the POOR and hands them a coin. Seamus sees Harry, and with an evil grin, starts to slink toward him. Cho glances over her shoulder, sees Seamus coming, and panics.

CHO (to Cedric)

Stay out of this!

CEDRIC

But Eponine...

CHO

It's not your concern, you'll be in the clear!

Cho shoves Cedric backward in an attempt to get him away from the scuffle that's about to ensue.

Cedric is supposed to stumble backward and bump into Luna, but he misses and collides with Ron instead. Not very good with improv, Cedric delivers his romantically charged apology to Ron.

CEDRIC (gazing dreamily into Ron's eyes)

I didn't see you there, forgive me.

Harry clamps his hand over his mouth, struggling not to laugh. Luna doesn't appear to think that anything's amiss. Ron blushes furiously, then grabs Cedric's shoulders, turns him around, and shoves him at Luna.

Seamus sidles up to Harry, takes his elbow, and leads him over toward Pansy. Harry glances back at Luna, who is now standing with Cedric. They're supposed to be having some sort of "lover's conversation," but Luna is looking at Ron over Cedric's shoulder. Cedric scuffles his feet and looks at the ground, unsure of what to do, as Cho hovers jealously nearby, looking out for funny business between Cedric and Luna.

SEAMUS (simpering)

Please M'sieur, come this way,

Here's a child that ain't eaten today.

He gestures at

Pansy, who holds out the bundled blanket with one hand. Then Seamus takes a closer look at Harry, and stops his grifting.

SEAMUS

Wait a bit, know that face!

Ain't the world a remarkable place?

Men like me don't forget. (he grabs Harry by the lapels and shakes him)

You're the bastard who borrowed Cosette!!

Yet again, the audience is having trouble:

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: "Borrowed" Cosette? What the bloody hell does that mean?

SNAPE: (whipping around) Did I not tell you to keep SILENT?!

MCGONAGALL: (not bothering to turn around) For heaven's sake, what's the matter now?

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: What does Thenardier mean, "borrowed" Cosette?

RANDOM A.M. 2: It sounds a bit dodgy to me.

RANDOM A.M. 3: A bit dirty, even.

MCGONAGALL: That's enough!

RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: But...

SNAPE: It is not relevant in any way! Now be quiet!

DUMBLEDORE: It's a good question, Severus.

SNAPE: (almost snarling) Well then, Headmaster, what would the answer to this extraordinarily "good" question be?

DUMBLEDORE: (cheerfully) I haven't a clue. The word "borrowed" in this context makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Must be a bad translation from the original French.

There's a short pause.

DUMBLEDORE: Now that's cleared up. Let's watch, shall we?

And so we continue:

HARRY (trying to wrench himself away from Seamus)

What is this? Are you mad?

No, M'sieur, you don't know what you do!

SEAMUS (shaking Harry even more vigorously)

You know me, you know me,

I'm a con just like you!

CHO (flatly--she's concentrating on Cedric and Luna)

It's the police, disappear.

Run for it--

It's Javert.

Everybody onstage freezes when they hear JAVERT'S name. Then the POOR make a mad scramble to try and get offstage, trampling the feet of the STUDENTS as they go. Most of the POOR make it offstage, leaving only a few scattered trios behind.

Colin and his little gang are still on the bridge, and Cedric and Luna are still standing together. The STUDENTS form a little huddle around Ron. Seamus still has Harry by the lapels, and Pansy is looking around hopefully, waiting for Draco to enter.

Draco stalks onstage from down left, billy club in hand. He's got a few more wrinkles than the last time we saw him, and he's wearing a black trenchcoat over his Inspector's uniform. Draco sees Seamus and Harry struggling center stage, and strides over to separate them. Seamus jumps away from Harry, who is watching Draco warily. But not to worry--Draco doesn't recognize Harry as VALJEAN.

DRACO

Another brawl in the square, another stink in the air.

Was there a witness to this? Well, let him speak to Javert!

He turns to

Harry, who is watching him with a deer-in-the-headlights expression. Draco continues, singing the next bit as graciously as he can, considering it's Harry he's talking to.

DRACO

M'sieur the streets are not safe, but let these vermin beware,

We'll see that justice is done!

Now

Draco pivots and sneers at Seamus, Pansy, and the GANG, but Seamus in particular. Harry takes this opportunity to back away from Draco, then stride quickly over to Luna. He takes Luna's arm, and leads her almost at a run offstage left. Luna gives Cedric (or Ron, it's hard to tell) a little good-bye wave as Harry yanks her offstage.

DRACO (oblivious to Harry's swift retreat)

Look upon this fine collection, crawled from underneath a stone.

This swarm of worms and maggots could have picked you to the bone!

(he turns around to find

Harry gone)

But where's the gentleman gone, and why on earth did he run?

SEAMUS (as evilly as he can)

You will have a job to catch him, he's the one you should arrest!

Draco turns toward Seamus, just enough to sneer at him. Seamus continues, keeping his distance.

SEAMUS

No more bourgeois when you've scratched him

Than that brand upon his chest!

Draco turns back to face the audience, and sings the next bit as though to himself. The STUDENTS, Colin and his GANG, and the remaining POOR watch him warily. Pansy is almost beside herself with admiration.

DRACO

Could it be it's some old jailbird

That the tide now washes in?

Heard my name and started running,

Had the brand upon his skin.

Could he be the man I've hunted?

Could it be he's Jean Valjean?

SEAMUS (backing away from Draco)

In the absence of a victim,

Dear Inspector, may I go?

Just remember when you've nicked him,

It was me who told you so!

Seamus runs offstage right, followed by Crabbe, Goyle, and Nott. Grudgingly, Pansy follows, with several glances back at Draco, who is still gazing over the audience. After some indecision, Cho also exits stage right.

DRACO (sneering at audience, holding billy club like a torch)

Let the old man keep on running.

I will run him off his feet...

Draco pauses, then glances at all of the people watching him onstage. He screams these next lines instead of singing them, waving his arms threateningly.

DRACO

Everyone about your business!

Clear this garbage off the street!

Ron leads the STUDENTS offstage left, as the remaining POOR scatter and Colin and the First Years scamper off the bridge. Draco watches them leave, sneering, then moves downstage center to begin his song as the lights darken to represent twilight.

STARS

During the intro, Draco puts his billy club in his belt, and stands facing the audience. His stance is reminiscent of Tom Felton's Malfoy in "Chamber of Secrets" during the delivery of the "Saint Potter" line (anybody remember that?). He looks incredibly snobbish, in other words--his back very straight, and his nose in the air as he addresses the evening sky (or the lighting booth).

DRACO

Stars, in your multitudes,

Scarce to be counted, filling the darkness

With order and light.

You are the sentinels, silent and sure,

Keeping watch in the night.

Draco's manner becomes more dramatic as the song reaches its climax. There's a lot of fist pumping and arm waving. Flecks of spit are flying out of his mouth and showering the orchestra.

DRACO

And if you fall as Lucifer fell,

You fall in flame!

And so it has been, and so it is written,

On the doorway to Paradise,

Now

Draco addresses the audience directly, stabbing a finger toward the front row.

DRACO

That those who falter and those who fall

Must pay the price!

There's a brief bridge in the music, during which

Draco wipes the spit off of his lips, and turns his gaze back up at the lighting booth.

DRACO

Lord, let me find him, that I may see him

Safe behind bars!

I will never rest till then, this I swear!

This I swear by

The stars!!!

The note on "stars" is held for a long time, and the music reaches a pounding crescendo. As he holds the note,

Draco thrusts a fist into the air.

When the song ends,

Draco stays in this pose for a moment, as the Slytherin section of the audience explodes in whistles, cheers, and applause. Dumbledore is applauding enthusiastically as well. With a satisfied smirk, Draco saunters offstage left.

Then, from backstage:

PANSY: Oh, Draco, you were wonderful!

DRACO: (smug) Yes, wasn't I?

PANSY: Oh, yes, so dramatic!

Hermione makes a noise somewhere between a snort and a scoff, while Ron and Harry make retching noises.

*~End of Part 4~*