The Hogwarts Players Present

Act the First: Part 2

Harry Takes His Shirt Off

And so, Harry leads Hermione offstage right. Draco makes a move as though to follow and protest some more, but stops himself. He goes to sulk downstage left instead.

THE RUN-AWAY CART

Just as Hermione gets offstage, a group of Gryffindors comes running onstage yelling "Run-away cart!!" A cart is pushed to center stage by obvious stagehands making horse noises. The cart is piled high with vegetables, including tomatoes. Dennis Creevey, as FAUCHELEVANT, comes running on from stage left, a little late. With the help of a couple of Random Gryffindors, Dennis is wedged underneath the wheel of the cart. Harry rushes into the fray to help, while Draco looks on, smirking, from DSL.

HARRY

Is there anyone here who will rescue the man?

RANDOM GRYFFINDOR (stepping in front of Harry)

Don't go near him, M'sieur Mayor!

That load is as heavy as hell!

RANDOM GRYFFINDOR #2

The old man's a goner for sure,

It'll kill you as well!

Harry pushes the Gryffindors aside, and goes over to Dennis, who is moaning melodramatically under the cart. The group of Random Gryffindors watch, agape, as Harry tries to lift the cart. The vegetables wobble ominously. Draco is watching with a sneer on his face as Harry, in an incredible feat of strength, hoists the cart off of Dennis.

As the cart overturns, the vegetables go flying. Some cabbage hurtles into the orchestra pit, concussing the flutist. A bunch of radishes soars into the Ravenclaw section of the audience, sending the students squealing and jumping away. Vegetables are now littering the stage around the broken, upturned cart.

A particularly large tomato flies directly at Draco, before he knows what's happening. It hits Draco's boots, and explodes on impact, spattering him with seeds and chunks of tomato flesh. All he can do is gasp angrily and stare, shocked, down at his ruined shoes and tomato-covered trousers.

From offstage:

RON: All right, Harry!

SEAMUS: That was WICKED!

HERMIONE: I don't think the flutist can get up...

Draco sneers angrily at Harry, but then gets back into character and pastes a stunned, suspicious look on his face.

DENNIS

M'sieur the Mayor, you come from God,

You are a saint!

Harry helps Dennis to his feet, and the Random Gryffindors assist him offstage, all very happy that Dennis hadn't been squished. As soon as Dennis gets offstage, we hear him squeal:

DENNIS: Colin, guess what? I fell under a cart!

Harry begins to walk offstage. Draco is still standing DSL, arms crossed over his chest, covered in tomato from the knees down. He is glaring at Harry's back.

DRACO

Can this be true?

I don't believe what I see.

Harry stops, and slowly turns around. Draco walks over to him, sliding a little in the tomato mess on the stage. He eyes Harry up and down as he continues:

DRACO

You make me think of a man from years ago,

A man who broke his parole...

(he remembers that he's talking to the "mayor")

Forgive me sir, I would not dare.

HARRY (smirking a little, looking at the tomatoes all over Draco's shoes)

Say what you must, don't leave it there.

DRACO

I have only known one other

Who can do what you have done.

He's a convict from the chaingang,

He's been ten years on the run.

Harry's arms go slack as his mouth drops open in shock. He's sure he's just been caught. But Draco continues very smugly, nose in the air:

DRACO

But he couldn't run forever, we have found his hideaway.

He has just been rearrested and he comes to court today.

He couldn't run forever,

No, not even Jean Valjean!

With a final smirk,

Draco does an about-face and struts (yes, struts) offstage left. Harry is left staring after him.

From offstage:

DRACO: Will you look at my pants? And my shoes! They're ruined!

RON: (under his breath) I'd say he's lucky that the audience wasn't pelting tomatoes at him, the lousy git...

DRACO: Shut up, Weasel King!

HERMIONE: Quit whining and just go change--you're on again in about three minutes!

DRACO: I don't need you to give me stage directions, Mudblood!

RON: (snarling) Watch your mouth, ferret!

PANSY: Draco...

DRACO: Want to come over here and say that, Weasel?

HERMIONE: Never mind, Ron!

PANSY: Draco, hold still for a minute!

DRACO: Why? What are you doing?

PANSY: Hold up your shoes...Scourgify.

DRACO: Oh...Why didn't I think of that?

HERMIONE: Dumbledore confiscated your wand, remember? He couldn't trust you not to hex anybody during the performance.

DRACO: (snidely) That'll be all, Granger!! And thanks, Pansy.

PANSY: No problem.

Harry finally moves downstage center to begin his song. Behind him, various stagehands run onstage to clean up the produce. Inner struggle obvious, Harry starts to sing:

WHO AM I?

HARRY

Who am I?

Can I condemn this man to slavery?

Pretend I do not feel his agony?

(he gestures to offstage left, where

Draco exited)

This innocent who bears my face,

Who goes to judgment in my place.

(faces the audience again)

Must I lie?

How can I ever face my fellow men?

How can I ever face myself again?

(again,

Harry does his Streetcar impression)

My soul belongs to God, I know,

I made that bargain long ago!

He gave me hope, when hope was gone.

He gave me strength to journey on.

As

Harry sings the next lines, the set for the COURTROOM appears on the now produce-free stage behind him, frozen in a tableau. It consists of a bench for the prisoner and a French flag as a backdrop. Draco stands to the left of the bench, eyeing his prey smugly. Daniel Radcliffe, as the LOOK-ALIKE VALJEAN, sits morose and manacled on the bench between Crabbe and Goyle.

HARRY

Who am I?

Who am I?

I'm Jean Valjean!

Harry begins to walk backward toward the COURTROOM, so that the audience can see him unbuttoning his vest, and then the shirt underneath. As Harry undoes his buttons, we hear excited squeals from many of the First Year Girls backstage:

RANDOM FIRST YEAR 1: Oooh...Take it off!!

RANDOM FIRST YEAR 2: He's almost done with the vest!

RANDOM FIRST YEAR 3: Look! He's starting in on the shirt!

ALL THREE: Squeeee!!!

RON AND HERMIONE: SHUT UP, YOU LOT!!!

Harry glances gratefully at Ron and Hermione offstage, then walks into the courtroom set. Draco looks confused, glancing from Dan to Harry and back again.

HARRY

And so Javert, you see it's true.

This man bears no more guilt than you!

Who am I?

Harry undoes his last button, and rips open his shirt to reveal the "24601" on his chest. Draco looks absolutely shocked, his mouth hanging open, when he sees the tattoo.

HARRY

Two-four-six-oh-one!!!

As everything comes together for

Draco, his face screws up in rage. Harry closes his shirt and dashes offstage right. Draco pulls his billy club out of his belt, and runs after him, a murderous expression on his face.

The lights go down as

Dan Radcliffe is unmanacled.

From the audience, over thunderous applause:

DUMBLEDORE: (applauding vigorously) Good show, Valjean!! Incredibly noble!! (to McGonagall) You know what?

MCGONAGALL: (also applauding) No, what?

DUMBLEDORE: I truly think that if Jean Valjean had attended Hogwarts, he would be in Gryffindor House. He was a good man; noble, brave, aiding the underdog, completely selfless.

MCGONAGALL: (nodding) Yes, he was.

SNAPE: (dryly) He was also fictional.

DUMBLEDORE: So?

Pause, as they all consider the profundity of

Dumbledore's answer. Then:

SNAPE: What about Javert?

MCGONAGALL: What about him?

SNAPE: (as though it's obvious) He's definitely the more complex and ambiguous of the two characters--much more interesting.

MCGONAGALL: (dryly) Yes, you are a fan of ambiguity, aren't you, Severus?

SNAPE: (nettled) And that's supposed to mean what, exactly?

DUMBLEDORE: (ending argument) Well, a touch of ambiguity in one's character does make for some wonderful debates...Although I don't quite think that Javert is all that ambiguous. What you see is what you get, really.

SNAPE:

How did we start arguing about this?

MCGONAGALL: We weren't arguing. You brought up ambiguity, and your belief that Javert is an ambiguous character, and then the Headmaster shot you down.

Dumbledore gives a little chuckle as Snape sneers, then pushes a lank piece of hair out his face.

SNAPE: (muttering) Malfoy's still a better actor than Potter.

McGonagall takes a breath to retaliate, but Dumbledore speaks over her:

DUMBLEDORE: Oh, look! The next scene is starting. This one's a real tear- jerker. Minerva, I do believe I'll need my box of tissues...Where did I put it?

*~End of Part 2~*