The Seduction of Severus Snape

Chapter 12: Clean Break

* ~ April 3 ~ *

I think I started this week off pretty well. After I'd made it clear to Colin that I was extremely angry at him, I didn't see him all weekend, so I had plenty of time to evaluate our relationship. This was a good thing, because it took my mind off the fact that my father is a bastard. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I didn't even really fancy Colin anymore, and I'd rather not date him. So, when Monday rolled around, I was ready to throw him to the lions. I was kind of nervous about approaching him, but that problem was fixed when he stopped me after classes while I was on my way to the library.

"Nadia, we need to talk."

"Yeah... I'm dumping you."

"...What?" I had wanted to be sensitive about it... So I had to save myself from that blurt.

"Listen, Colin. I don't think this is working out. I mean... You're jealous all the time, and I just feel like... I don't know... Like we're constantly playing some kind of twisted game. I think we're better off as just friends."

"I... But... I don't... I apologized!"

"It's not just about that, as I pointed out. I'm sorry, but... I just don't want to be together. I hope you don't stay angry at me, because I'd like to be friends."

"Well... I... Fine. I see. I'll just... Go think. See you around."

"Yeah. See you later." Huh. He'd taken that remarkably well. Maybe he was just very bitter. Or he'd realized that I wasn't really worth his time. I wouldn't blame him for either; I'm a real bitch.

Since I suddenly wasn't in the mood for the library anymore, and found myself with some free time, I made my way to the most obvious place for me to go: the kitchens. I simply... grabbed some delicious, wonderful food and went out to the courtyard to chow down. Yum, spanakopita.

"Is that... Oh." I looked up to see Professor Snape, wearing his usual scowl.

"If you sit and act melancholy with me, I'll share," I bribed. He looked pensive for a moment, then sat down. I handed him half of my spanakopita, but he hesitated.

"Are you sure I'm allowed to eat this?" Yay! He's paying attention to his diet!

"Yes. Most Mediterranean foods are good."

"Oh, thank God."

"Seriously, I'd die without this stuff." Long silence. We just sat and ate... and acted melancholy. "I like this," I finally commented.

"Silence is good," he agreed. Then there was more of it. "Miss Page."

"Fwa?" My mouth was full.

"I..." he mumbled something incoherent. I stared at him a bit, trying to decide what it might have meant.

"Apology accepted." He nodded. Hey, I'd had a feeling.

"And... Your father?"

"I'm not speaking to him."

"Ah. I see."

"Yes." We both let out a long sigh. At the same time. Which was spooky, and I could tell that Professor Snape was of the same opinion. "You're being nicer to me than usual. Why?"

"It's the food. It's the best thing I've eaten in months." He looked longingly at the last piece.

"Fine." I handed it over. "You know, the house elves make it if you ask them to. Nicely."

"Not the last time I checked."

"I gave them a recipe. I was fed up with their weak excuses." I looked down at my concealed bundle of food. "...Do you like pepperoncini?"

We sat and ate like that, not really talking. I think he did it mostly because of the food, and a little bit out of guilt. Plus, no one else was around to see him in my presence. It was really rather pleasant. I hadn't thought Professor Snape would do pleasant, but I guess these past weeks have just been full of surprises. After about half an hour he got up to leave, and I resisted the urge to throw myself at him. "I have papers to grade," he said, smoothing out his robes.

"I'll see you later, then, Professor," I replied casually. He eyed me warily for a moment, then walked off. Damn, it's hard to leave him alone when he's got a body like that. And when he's being almost nice to me. And especially when April Fools' had come and gone. I didn't do anything. Oh well.

Eventually, I decided to do something completely discreet for him on Easter. I guess that means I forgive him for being so mean. Anyway, I've got to go think of something that doesn't violate our agreement.

* ~ April 7 ~ *

Today was Easter. I woke up this morning feeling rather dazed, which is normal for me, so I wasn't worried. Yawning, I turned over to see a carton marked "Easter eggs" and a coloring kit, along with a basket full to bursting with candy. I got the feeling that Dad was sucking up to me in order to get back on my good side. What a dirty trick. I guess I really do take after him.

After I'd properly woken myself up and gotten dressed, I inspected my deliveries. There was a letter to go along with them, and I debated with myself over whether to open it or throw it out. I concluded that since there would probably be a message from Mum contained within, I should open it. Ugh. So, I opened it. Ugh again. I really don't like associating with people I'm currently angry at.

Reading the letter was... Surprising, to say the least. The first part was from Mum, and contained her typical ramblings. The second part was from Dad, and contained not only an explanation of his school day exploits, but pictures as well. My goodness. So, I looked at the photographs.

The first was a picture of Dad and Professor Snape, both teenagers, sitting among a pile of galleons. Yow. That was a lot of money. Then there was one of Professor Lupin, looking around the same age, only very gaunt and tired; his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Then, a photo of Professor Snape, standing in a field of sunflowers. Suddenly, I remembered the sunflower I'd seen on his desk during one of my detentions. It must have been from Dad, then. Well, there's one mystery solved.

There was also a clipping from the Daily Prophet. The headline read: "Hogwarts Student Murders Classmates: He's a Monster, Say Victims' Parents." Oh, shit. Three dead; two were seventeen, one eighteen. An entire corridor in the dungeons was torn up. Damn. That's an awful lot of damage to do when you're blacked out. But... How? It certainly wasn't explained in the letter or the article.

Speaking of the letter, there was one section that I particularly liked, in which Dad apologized for keeping things from me, and proceeded to beg for forgiveness. Well, it serves him right. I hate it when he doesn't tell me things, and it's a habit he's had for years. It makes me feel like he doesn't trust me.

Anyway, I finished the letter... And it explained a lot. And Dad did seem sorry. Though, I'd prefer an apology in person. I'll just wait for Dad to get on the ball. In the meantime, I wrote back to Mum and thanked her for sending her stuffed grape leaf recipe, which I had requested earlier; I've been meaning to teach it to the house elves.

It was another half hour before Luna woke up, and after she was ready for breakfast we grabbed the eggs and the coloring kit and went off to the Great Hall. Once there, we sat with Ginny and Colin and colored eggs. Colin was still a little sore about the break up, but he was alright. A little. So, he glared at me a lot. Big deal. Besides, it was fun writing secret messages on the eggs and watching them turn up with the color. For instance, I wrote my Dad's name on one and dyed it pink. Then I smashed it flat and ate the remnants of its carcass. Ginny suggested that I was harboring hostility or something like that, but I think she was just imagining things.

After that, we just hung out on the grounds, seeing as it was such a beautiful day. I was planning to give my special surprise to Professor Snape in the evening, at a time when no one would SLEEP ALONE. However, to complete my momentous task, I would have to start very early. So, around lunch time, I bid farewell to my comrades and made my way to the kitchens. The house elves molested me with food, but then once I'd listed the ingredients needed for the grape leaves, they all scattered to complete their search. Phew. It wasn't long before they were done, though.

It was time to get to work. It's like Mum says: the most important ingredient is luuuurve. Or love. You know. Anyway, it took me forfrigginever to finish the stuffed grape leaves, but once they had been completed... Well, it was worth it. Especially since there was an abundant amount left over for me. I wrote a little note that said "Don't eat them all at once," signed my name, and handed it over to the house elves along with the grape leaves and instructions to deliver it to Professor Snape's private quarters. They seemed unsure, so I threatened them a little bit. Then, it was time for dinner.

I smiled at him during the meal, but he only looked at me like I was crazy and continued his meal. Yum, roast leg of lamb with mashed potatoes, gravy, roasted onions, and ice cold milk. I love food.

* ~ April 10 ~*

Professor Snape had received my gift. I know, because I just happened to accidentally on purpose bump into him yesterday. It was while I was eating some left over Easter eggs (which were dyed green, both inside and out) and estimating my test average in Charms. I was just sitting there, in the courtyard, at the exact same time that Professor Snape takes his daily mandatory walk. Isn't that a coincidence? "I received that package of yours," he informed me as he prowled along, scowling.

"Good afternoon, Professor," I replied idly.

"Miss Page-" He paused, wrinkling his eyebrows in sexy puzzlement. "Are you eating green eggs?"

"Yes." I sighed. "Now, if only I had some ham." He gave me a blank stare. "...Right. Just go about your business."

"Ten points from Ravenclaw. I'll not take your sass."

"Sass? What are you, seventy?"

"We had an agreement, Miss Page," he ground out.

"Tsh. Fine, go ahead and stab me in the heart. I only spent thirty-six hours in labor trying to push that big head of yours out my vagina." He scowled at me, then just walked away. "I see how it is!!" I called after him.

"Nadia?" Ginny sat down beside me. "What are you doing?"

"Telling Professor Snape that I gave birth to him. You?"

"Eh, nothing much. But damn, I need some new shoes. Oh, by the way, did you know that my birthday is in two weeks?"

"Way to drop a hint," I replied, popping a green egg into my mouth.

"I wasn't dropping a hint."

"Style and color."

"I have a picture in my dorm, I'll just show you tomorrow."

"You should thank your firm, round ass that I'm such a good friend."

"I will. Anyway, enough come-ons. I've got an idea." I raised an eyebrow, making it rather apparent that I was intrigued. "It's about the love letters." Ah, yes, the love letters. I've been sending them regularly every since we started that task. "I think you should start making them more dirty." Oh, I like the way she thinks.

"More dirty?"

"Yes. Say you want to... I don't know... Run your moist fingers along his taut ass globes, or something to that effect. Get all hot and heavy with him." She winked.

"You know, that's a pretty good idea." By then, I was grinning. "In fact, I think I'll get on that right now." So, I did. It sounds a little bit like gay porn (since that's mostly what I write) but I think it's pretty credible. Most of the terms are awfully generic, anyway.

I sent it last night, and it was so funny to watch Professor Snape read it this morning. His face started going extremely red, and then... Oh, this was the best part... Professor Lupin leaned to the side and started reading it over his shoulder. He didn't even notice, either! Well, not at first. When he did, though... Well, let's just say that it'll take a while for Professor Lupin to get all that egg yolk out of his hair. Nothing else terribly momentous happened, so... This entry is through.

* ~ April 19 ~ *

Oh my goodness. The most horridly funny thing imaginable has happened. Not to mention I was actually exposed to some good points of my father, for a change. Though, I'm getting ahead of myself. Allow me to start from the beginning.

After three days of work, my potions essay was finally completed, and absolutely perfect. I rolled it up and set it on my bedside table, looking forward to getting an excellent grade. Then, I started working on the new underground challenge that had appeared on the Ravenclaw bulletin board. Hmm... Two teachers... That was easy. Professors Snape and Lupin. Involving the giant squid... Well, it would be easy to work the giant squid into a secret rendezvous outside by the lake... Rating? X, of course. I wrote the heading and summary, then began my tale of forbidden love. It took a few hours to finish, but by the end I had several rolls of parchment full of glorious smut. Tired, I set it on my bedside table; it wasn't due for another ten days, so I had plenty of time to proofread it and such. I then drifted into wonderful, beautiful sleep, and when I woke up the next day I hastily grabbed my potions essay from the bedside table and stuffed it in my bag.

That was last week. Today, we were to receive our graded potions essays. I sat in potions, listening intently to the lesson and brewing my potion carefully, eagerly awaiting what I was certain would be my best grade all year. Finally, at the end of class, we were told to clean up, and then we would be given our essays. One by one, Professor Snape called the students up to his desk and handed back their essays along with a scathing comment about its poor quality. However, he concluded this without calling my name. I waited, puzzled, but he merely sat down at his desk, angrily marking off something on his ledger. I was about to raise my hand and ask for my essay when the bell rang, and the students started packing up their things, becoming irritatingly loud. "Miss Page," Professor Snape called over the din, "you are to stay after class." He didn't elaborate. So, I packed up like everyone else, then sat at my desk and waited.

Once everyone else had gone, Professor Snape beckoned me to his desk. Carefully, I approached, wondering what he was looking so angry about. Then, I noticed a roll of parchments that could only be my potions essay. "Is this about my essay, Professor?" I asked nervously, standing before him and grinding my teeth, which I stopped once I realized I was doing it.

"Yes," he hissed, sneering and standing up. It seemed as if he was towering over me, looking very menacing. He gripped my essay tightly, wrinkling the paper. "Tell me, Miss Page," he snarled, "what was going through your twisted excuse for a mind when you decided to write this?" He indicated my essay.

"Er... The positive and negative effects of experimentally modifying a potion recipe?" I guessed. That had been the topic of my essay. A wordless growl escaped the professor's throat.

"Follow me," he snapped, prowling out of the classroom. I quickly grabbed my bag and silently followed. I had no idea what he was so angry about; perhaps I'd forgotten something? Or maybe I'd doodled on the sides without noticing... "Fizzing Whizbees." We had arrived at the headmaster's office; shit. I had no idea what I'd done, but it must have been bad. When we walked into the circular room, Professor Dumbledore wasn't the only one waiting for us. Professors Lupin and Flitwick were also there. Well, I knew Professor Flitwick was there because he was my head of house, but Professor Lupin...

My mind immediately went to the story I had written for the challenge, still laying neatly on my bedside table. I hadn't had any time to proofread it, so I hadn't so much as touched it all week long. But... What if I had switched it with my potions essay? "Now, Miss Page," Professor Snape growled. "You will inform us all of what possessed you to write this unnatural smut!" Damn. I'd switched them. My mouth was suddenly very dry.

"What did she write, Severus?" Professor Flitwick asked, sounding concerned.

"I was wondering that, myself," Professor Lupin cut in. He looked surprised when the story was thrust under his nose. There was silence in the room as he took it from Professor Snape and unrolled it, his eyes scanning over the words... Before he blanched and nearly dropped the paper. "What... Buh... Huh?" Throughout this ordeal, Professor Dumbledore had remained silently amused, but now he spoke up.

"Perhaps you should read it aloud, Remus," he said cheerfully. Professor Lupin turned bright red, then cleared his throat, shakily reading the summary.

"'Professors Snape and Lupin meet on the grounds for some elicit activity and discuss who is a better- a better-'" he paused for a moment, then cleared his throat again. "'...A better topper. Is it Snape, Lupin, or the Giant Squid? Warning: Contains slash. Rating: X.'" He lowered the parchment, looking shocked and embarrassed. Professor Snape looked enraged, Professor Flitwick looked dumbstruck, and Professor Dumbledore looked immensely amused.

"What, exactly, is slash?" Professor Flitwick asked warily.

"Homosexual romance," I replied morosely. I was sure to be expelled.

"She handed that in, in place of a potions essay," Professor Snape informed them, his lips incredibly thin and his hands balled into tight fists.

"It was an accident, really!" I protested. All eyes were on me. "I- I got the parchments mixed up." I hadn't thought it possible, but Professor Snape looked even more angry and disgusted than before.

"So you wrote this for your own sick pleasure?" he asked quietly.

"Now, now, Severus," the headmaster cut in pleasantly. "Let's not make assumptions. I wonder, though, Nadia... Why did you write it?"

"I... I..." It looked as if I had busted the whole ring. I was a dead woman. "You see, there's a... A challenge, if you will, that the Ravenclaws have come up with. You know, to pass the time... And- and improve writing skills. People from the other houses participate, too. You see- you join this sort of... Underground organization, you might call it... Under an assumed name- so people don't know exactly who you are, but you still have an identity to attribute your stories to. You can write according to the challenges, or you can write other things... And, the challenge this month was to write about two teachers, something forbidden, and involve the giant squid. So... That's my submission." I was acutely aware of all the stares- and one glare.

"That is no excuse for writing such disgusting, perverted filth!" Professor Snape spat. I, of course, felt the need to defend my brainchild.

"I'll have you know that half the students in this school would kill to get their hands on that!" More silence. "Professor," I added, as an afterthought. "People like what I write. And it's not against any rules I've heard of." I noticed from the corner of my eye that Professor Lupin was immersed in my story, explaining his continued silence. I suppressed a smile at this.

"Well, it may be a bit... off-color," Professor Flitwick said uncertainly, "but I don't believe there are any rules against it."

"She's just as demented as her father!" Professor Snape snapped back. I certainly didn't appreciate the insult to my father, especially since the professor seemed to remember him in something of a fond way the last time he was discussed. Though it was rather painful for me. "She should be expelled immediately!"

"Now, Severus, that will be entirely up to me!" Professor Flitwick protested. "She hasn't hurt anyone-"

"May I remind you that she nearly killed me with a heart attack!?" he shrilled. Ah, I knew that would come up in the discussion. He looked as if he was going to continue when Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Severus, we have already established that the incident was an accident," he said calmly.

"She gave me chocolate knickers!"

"Let's try to stay on topic. Now, Nadia... Have you written any other stories?"

"Tons," I replied.

"Tell us about them." I sighed. If Flitwick wasn't planning on expelling me before, he would after he heard this.

"Well, a couple of years ago I wrote a series of stories about Harry Potter-" Professor Snape snorted- "and Draco Malfoy that was very popular. Especially among the female population of Hogwarts." There was silence.

"Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy?" Flitwick asked warily; it seemed as if he found this whole experience rather frightening.

"Yes, together, as in romance." I swear, one could hear crickets chirping in the room. "And then I also wrote about Professors Snape and Lupin in the Forbidden Forest, in the bath, on the Quidditch pitch-" I started ticking the scenarios off on my fingers- "in the potions classroom, in the DADA classroom, in Professor Snape's office, in Professor Lupin's office, in the potions store rooms, in both the Professors' quarters, in the Slytherin common room, in the Shrieking Shack-"

"That's enough!" Professor Snape looked horrified. "Good gods, didn't you write about anything else?"

"Yes," I replied. "For the topic, 'The daily routine of a potions professor' I wrote about you fetching sweets for Professor Dumbledore. You should be grateful, because you wouldn't believe the number of stories involving karaoke, knitting, the color pink, and love hearts that showed up, Professor. It was rather insulting." And then, into the silence...

"How did they know?" No, it wasn't Professor Snape. It was Professor Lupin, imitating Professor Snape. I couldn't hide my laughter, and neither could Dumbledore.

"Shut your mangy snout," Professor Snape growled.

"Now, Severus, let's not get worked up," Dumbledore chided, still chuckling.

"I also wrote some BDSM about Professor Snape and Neville Longbottom," I added. The room was filled with a shocked silence. "And I also wrote about Draco Malfoy and Neville Longbottom. And Draco and Professor Lupin. And Professor Snape and Harry Potter. And-"

"I believe we have enough information," Dumbledore interrupted, holding up his hand.

"We should shut down this whole foul operation," Professor Snape snapped, glaring at me. He seemed utterly disgusted.

"I doubt you could if you tried," I muttered, though I could be heard quite clearly.

"I agree," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "So, I believe we will leave this whole affair alone. I will ask you not to mention this to the students-" he was addressing this to the professors- "and Severus, I'm sure Nadia would be happy to give you her potions essay, and I'm certain you won't take off any points for this whole affair." He growled audibly, then grumbled something and swept out of the office. "If you'll both excuse me, I'd like to have a word with Nadia." The two remaining professors nodded and exited, Professor Lupin still avidly reading my story. Dumbledore offered me a seat and a lemon drop, and I took both. "Nadia, I was wondering... What would one need to do to join this underground circle of writers?" I was momentarily taken aback, but quickly recovered.

"Well, just apply through a form, with your pen name and other information... Would you like me to send you the guidelines, Headmaster?"

"Yes, please," he replied. "And I look forward to reading these stories of yours." That was sort of... Disturbing.

"Er... Thank you."

"You may go, now. I'm sure you have plenty of things to do. Good day."

"Bye..." I walked out of the office, rather surprised. I was even more surprised to find Professor Lupin waiting in the hallway.

"You're a good writer, Nadia," he said, handing me the story. "I thoroughly enjoyed it." This was indeed a strange turn of events, but also rather sexy.

"Thank you, Professor," I replied, using my wand to smooth out the wrinkles Professor Snape had made in the parchment.

"I wonder if I could join this circle you told us about?" Wow, two new members... And they were not only male, but also professors!

"Certainly, Professor. I'll send you the information in the owl post."

"Yes, thank you... And there's something else I would like to speak to you about, if you don't mind joining me in my office." He looked a bit concerned for a moment.

"I don't mind," I replied, happy to be having a chat with my second favorite teacher, and, in my opinion, the sexiest man aside from Severus Snape in all of Hogwarts.

He led me to his office, which was always a rather pleasant place to be, and conjured up some tea and biscuits. "Tea?" I accepted his offer and sipped my tea, patiently waiting to find out what we were supposed to be discussing. "Nadia, is there anything going on? Anything that's causing you any trouble?" Well, that was unexpected.

"No," I answered, surprised. "Why do you ask?"

"Well," he replied slowly, choosing his words carefully, "while I understand your feelings for Professor Snape, you seem a bit more... Tense around him than usual. You just act as if there's something wrong."

"Well... It's nothing."

"Have you done something to him? He hasn't mentioned you in a while."

"Professor Snape talks about me?" I asked, sounding a little too happy about it, in my opinion. My heart was beating much faster than normal, though, and I was happy.

"Yes," he replied. "I think anyone who has been put through the things you have done to him so far this year would talk about it. I remember one particular evening when he was ranting about how you tripped him down a flight of stairs and stabbed him with a pair of scissors."

"That was an accident!" I protested. "I didn't mean to do that."

"What did you mean to do?" he asked.

"Er... Well, I was trying to cut off a lock of his hair." Professor Lupin's eyebrows flew up and he nearly dropped his cup of tea.

"Well," he spluttered, after regaining his composure, "that- that sounds-"

"Insane," I provided.

"I wouldn't use such a harsh word..." I couldn't help but glare at the professor. "...But yes, insane would be an accurate way to describe it." There was a short silence, during which I wished I had never been born. "Well... As I was saying before... You don't seem yourself lately. Neither does he. Is there anything wrong? Anything I can help you with?" He seemed concerned again.

"Well, there are many things wrong, none of which you can help me with, Professor. Sorry." He frowned a bit. "And, if you must know... Not only am I unbearable angry at my father, but I've also fallen in love with Professor Snape." There was a deafening silence. I know it sounds completely insane, but I had come to the conclusion so gradually that it was rather difficult to identify, at first.

"Nadia," he finally said, gently taking my hand, "perhaps you should... reconsider this evaluation of your feelings."

"...Are you hitting on me?" He quickly dropped my hand, looking taken aback.

"No! No, of course not, I..." He trailed off as he saw me suppressing my laughter. "Right. Nadia, this is a serious matter." I suddenly found it hard to look him in the eye. "I know you may think that you love Professor Snape, but I think you'll find in time that- that- are you alright?" I wasn't alright, but I nodded anyway. I wondered briefly what my face looked like, since I have inappropriate laughter syndrome, (which I made up) but quickly decided that I'd rather not know.

"I really do love him, though," I said quietly. Professor Lupin sighed, shaking his head. "I know it can't just be a silly schoolgirl crush, because... Because I've fancied him for so long. And now... I love him." He chewed his lip thoughtfully. "It's not like I planned it," I muttered.

"Well, perhaps you're going about it the wrong way..." I shook my head. It was time to get this whole thing off my chest; it was time to confess.

"That's not exactly the whole story..." So, I launched into a detailed confession of everything. I told the whole sordid tale, including the events that took place at the Yule Ball and in Hogsmeade... And including the love letters. I think some of the events rather shocked and amused him, because every once in a while he would interrupt me.

"You didn't!" he would exclaim, horrified. Or, maybe something like, "You're kidding, right?" or "Chocolate knickers?" When I finished, he chewed his lip thoughtfully. Sexy man... Not as sexy as Professor Snape, though. Which made me start thinking of Professor Snape and that delicious rear end of his... Mmm... I'd love to have a little of that rump roast. Ahem. Right, on with the story... "Did you just call Severus a rump roast?" ...Oops?

"Well, in any case," I concluded, "I've fallen head over heels." There was silence. I sighed, sensing the professor's discomfort. "Look, if you feel the need to send a letter home- address it to my father. And give the owl specific instructions to give the letter only to my father." He looked inquisitive, so I elaborated. "My mother is a muggle who hates birds. My father, on the other hand, is a bird fanatic." I assumed that Professor Lupin would know what I was talking about, since he seemed to know my father already. His eyes widened a bit, then his expression returned to normal, though his mouth was twitching treacherously.

"Oh. That brings back a lot of memories." He looked as if he was enjoying those memories. "You know, you take after him, a bit."

"I've always thought of myself as more... normal than him."

"Yes," he agreed. "And I'm sure you know better than anyone how... Different Nathanyel can be." I nodded. He brought his hand up to his forehead and rubbed it. "You know, I'm seeing more and more of him in you as time goes by." I could feel my eyebrows raising at the statement.

"You mean I'm acting more like him?" Professor Lupin nodded. "...Tell me about him."

"Nathanyel once clipped a piece of Severus' hair, too." I blinked, very confused. Though, I was kind of glad to be hearing a zany story of my father's past, rather than a traumatizing one. "He did it for a polyjuice potion. I was in my fifth year at the time, he in his fourth. He somehow managed to subdue Severus and get him out of the way, then spend an entire day masquerading as him. It was... interesting, to say the least." I couldn't help but let out a small snort of laughter. "That day, we had double potions with Slytherin. I knew there was something amiss when Severus dropped some filibuster's fireworks down James' pants and asked us why Gryffindors seemed to have nifflers stuck up their arses when Slytherins were around. And, of course, when he kissed me on the cheek and gave me a box of sweets, asking me to be his Valentine, despite the fact that it was January." I had to laugh at that. "And when he started a snowball fight with a bunch of second year Hufflepuffs, and built a snowman version of Albus, then charmed it to sing the school song." My father really had gotten up to a lot of trouble passing himself off as Professor Snape, hadn't he?

"Why did he do it?" I asked.

"I asked him that myself, after I found out." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "He said that Severus needed to lighten up a bit, and have a little fun. He thought that if he set an example, Severus might follow it. When I asked him about the sweets and the Valentine, he told me that he thought Severus and I should be... friends, since we looked as darling together as a green and yellow fwooper in mid-March." I couldn't help it; I had to ask the question that was burning on my mind.

"When he asked you to be his Valentine, what did you say?" He blinked a bit, then chuckled softly.

"Well, if you must know... I said yes." Oh... I'd always found the thought of Professors Lupin and Snape together simply delicious, though I had always considered it to be far from reality. "You could imagine how angry and embarrassed Severus was to find out about the whole situation." I blinked a bit. "He always was straight as a pole."

"Oh... I see..."

"That was the first time I'd ever... Well. You wouldn't want to hear that."

"When you started to fancy my dad?" I suggested. Blushing a bit, he nodded. "Well, that's made me feel a bit better, though I'm still angry at him."

"Nathanyel's a good man," Professor Lupin said in a soothing voice, "even if he is extremely strange. It was his idea to continue development on the Wolfsbane potion after the Ministry of Magic dropped the project. He actually convinced Severus to do the experiments." For some reason, any mention of wolfsbane always reminded me of the muggle film "Teen Wolf." I have no idea why.

"Speaking of Professor Snape, didn't you say a while ago that he's been with a man?" Professor Lupin coughed quite loudly and turned red.

"Er... I suppose I may have."

"Then... Why was he so disgusted by my story?"

"I think it was more the fact that you paired him off with me." I tilted my head a bit.

"Why? Were you the mystery man?" He turned a bit redder.

"No! No, of course not."

"But I'll bet you wanted to be, eh?" He needs to start wearing concealer with the amount of blushing he does.

"Why don't we move on to another topic?"

"Alright. That reminds me, how's the sex with Draco?"

"Fine. Though, if you'd like to discuss something else..." He had this "hint, hint" look on his face that I simply could not ignore.

"What does a rim job feel like?"

"I meant something other than sex."

"Well, you need to specify. Anyway, what do you think of the global warming issue and how much is it affecting the coral reefs of the south pacific?"

"...I... I got new trousers," he offered hopefully.

"Oh. What color?"

"Blue."

"Blue is most definitely your color."

"Yes." There was a long period of silence, during which I coughed. Once. "Alright, we can talk about sex."

"Yay! So, what's your favorite position?"

"I didn't think you'd be so specific."

"Well, I am a writer. I need details." He raised his eyebrows. "Please? For the fans?"

I didn't get his favorite position out of him, but I managed to squeeze out a lot of other information. For instance, he and Draco have done it on the kitchen table, and there are several sounds made between the two of them that aren't replicated anywhere else. It's still kind of weird that I'm related to Draco, but it's distant enough that I don't mind so much. So... My butt is falling asleep. And soon I will be, too.

* ~ April 27 ~ *

Well, there are one or two things to report. Most of them occurred in the last few days. First off, Ginny's birthday was a couple of days ago, so that was fun. I had gotten her the boots she wanted (which were pretty damn cheap, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered) and all was well. We had cake, we had fun, we stuck our fingers up our butts. Now I just have to worry about Luna's birthday, since my mother's isn't until September, Uncle Kristo's isn't until late July, and Dad's is in a little less than a month, but I'm still angry at him so I might not get him anything at all. I know too many people.

Then, Professor Snape and I had another close encounter the other day. I saw him taking a walk on the grounds, so I decided to join him. I wouldn't bother him, I'd just walk along near him. After a few minutes of this, he turned around and glared at me, but said nothing. After a few more minutes, he decided to speak up. "I thought we had an agreement."

"I'm not bothering you," I argued. "You're not the only person around here who takes walks."

"Go walk somewhere else," he grumbled.

"Oh, honestly. Is this your land? Are you a vassal or a lord? Is this your castle? No. Why don't you walk somewhere else?"

"Fine." So, he went to walk somewhere else. Wow. I didn't think he'd actually give in and leave. Oh well. It's nothing big, but I think it means that Professor Snape is slowly losing the strength to resist me. Then there's my other thing to report.

It was last night, when I was planning on having a little study pow-wow with Professor Lupin, since the N.E.W.T.s are drawing oh-so-near. I knocked on the door to his office, but there was no answer. I tried a few more times, only to again be greeted by silence. So, concerned as I was, I opened the door, surprised to find it unlocked, and puzzled to find the office empty. So, since I'd long since memorized the location of his private quarters, I hurried off to check on him like the concerned citizen I was.

Rather timidly, for me at least, I knocked on Professor Lupin's door. "Come in!" came the muffled reply. So, I entered. Professor Lupin was sitting at the little round table in the kitchenette and staring morosely at a cup of tea. He looked very tired.

"Hey, Professor." He offered me a half-hearted smile.

"Hello, Nadia. Oh, my. I'm sorry I wasn't at my office." I approached slowly, so as not to seem rude.

"That's alright. Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing." I'm sure I looked very skeptical. "Draco left me, is all."

"Why?" I blurted out. Dammit, that was insensitive.

"Found someone else, so... That's it." He sipped his tea.

"Well... I mean... It was just physical. He didn't have to leave."

"I asked him to." He sipped his tea again.

"Why?"

"It was... More the person he was seeing, really... Someone I used to..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "I shouldn't be talking to you about this. I apologize."

"It's not necessary, really," I tried to assure him. With a sigh, he stood up and smoothed out some of the wrinkles in his robes.

"Would you like some tea?" He just looked so... So lonely.

"Oh, Professor." So I hugged him.

"Nadia... I need you to make love to me." I made that line up, actually. Sorry for that. He really said, "I hate to be such a bother." This is a man with serious self-esteem issues, mon capitaine.

"You're not a bother, Professor. I think you're a lovely friend."

"You would."

"Hey, I've got an idea." He looked apprehensive. "Let's turn on the wireless and empty out the ice box."

"You don't have to try and cheer me up, really."

"Would you rather sit here and ferment all by yourself?"

"Not particularly."

"Then let's break out the good silverware and eat things straight from the carton."

"Are you sure? I have serving dishes-"

"I won't take no for an answer!"

"If you insist." So, I put on the wireless station with the most volatile music I could find, helped Professor Lupin gather supplies, and sat him down on the sofa for an old fashioned pity-fest. Within an hour and a half, we'd managed to go through a gallon of ice cream, an entire chocolate cake, and five failed relationships. I'd really had no idea that Professor Lupin could eat like that (or that he'd dated Percy Weasley, for that matter) but he seemed to feel a bit better. "I'm so bloated." See?

"Well, I was bloated in the first place, so I'm used to it. You know, that time of the month."

"Hm, yes."

"And for some reason, I always seem to get hornier than usual around that time."

"Me too." Awkward silence. And then I laughed at him. You know, I'd heard comparisons of lycanthropy to menstruation, but never from an actual werewolf. "It is rather absurd, isn't it?"

"I've heard worse," I replied, once I'd calmed down. "Oi, I'm starting to feel sick."

"I have a potion."

"No thanks. I shouldn't put anything else in my body, anyway." I paused a moment. "Except maybe a prick."

"I saw that coming."

"I know. I'm getting too predictable." Short silence. "Let's do makeovers."

"Not a chance."

"I like it when we bond like this. It makes me feel special on the inside parts."

"Yes." Pensive silence. I hate all those quiet periods. "I should tell you something."

"It's alright, I already know you're a dirty pervert."

"Ah. There you are, then." I could tell there was something else. But, as usual, Professor Snape had to come and ruin everything.

"Lupin! Open the damn door!" Grrrr, shit!!! I wanted some gossip material!

"One moment." Professor Lupin let out a long sigh as he shuffled over to the door and opened it. I took the opportunity to take complete control of the sofa. Besides, I needed to lay down, anyway.

"I've brought the Wolfsbane," I heard Professor Snape grumble. "And- and whose boots are those on your armrest?" I could hear him approaching, and soon Professor Snape was standing over me, obstructing my view of the ceiling. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You ruined everything," I informed him. "Professor Lupin was about to confess his undying love for me and convert to the righteous path of heterosexuality." He snorted.

"Of course he was."

"Hey, it could happen."

"Oh, Severus," Professor Lupin suddenly exclaimed. "Any word?"

"Not a syllable," he grumbled. "He's too busy sulking, the big baby."

"Oh." All eyes were on me, now.

"What?" And then I realized... "Oh. You're talking about Dad."

"You really should forgive him," Professor Lupin encouraged.

"I don't see why."

"Really," Professor Snape grumbled. "He was born for deceit, anyway. He's a Slytherin, remember?"

"And a Gemini," Professor Lupin added thoughtfully.

"You actually believe in that utter crap?" Snape groused as Lupin downed the Wolfsbane.

"Well, it's interesting. With muggles, it varies a lot, but wizards usually have traits that match their signs." He stared into the empty goblet, a slight grimace still on his face. "Draco's a Gemini, too." Snape snorted.

"What a bunch of horse shit."

"What are some of the Gemini traits?" I asked, out of curiosity.

"Er..." Professor Lupin seemed to be searching for the right answer. "Well, let's see... Fickle, playful-"

"Shameless and relentless flirting," Professor Snape added as he left, slamming the door.

"Ignore him."

"I usually do," I replied listlessly.

"You really should forgive Nathanyel. Most times, he means well."

"I'll think about it." I didn't mean it, though. "Hey, let's have a slumber party!"

"I had a feeling it would come to this."

"Is that a yes?"

"I'm afraid not." He smiled at me as he sank into an armchair. "You don't want to spend the whole night with an old bore like me, anyway."

"Alright, suit yourself. Just don't finish off all that tea by yourself, you'll get sick." He laughed a bit.

"Of course. I'll keep that in mind." And so I find myself in bed.

* ~ April 30 ~ *

The end of the month has come, I'm back full force, and boy is Professor Snape going to get it. I already performed one task that Luna and Ginny had come up with together. We were eating oatmeal for breakfast, and Ginny had come over to discuss the tasks starting up again. "Luna and I were talking," she informed me as soon as she sat down.

"About?"

"The next task," Luna answered for her.

"And?" Yum, maple and brown sugar.

"Send him a magazine subscription," Ginny said, grinning as she slapped several subscription forms down on the table. "I got these from Fred and George. But, please, don't read too much into it."

"Fred and George must really love porn," I replied as I skimmed through the list. "This would be rather funny... But what does it have to do with me loving Professor Snape?"

"It's a gift," Luna insisted.

"Alright," I sighed, turning back to the list. Then, one title in particular caught my eye, and I knew instantly that it was the one. "This one," I exclaimed, pointing to it. They took one look at the name and started sniggering. I noticed that Colin was giving us dirty looks from the Gryffindor table. "What's his problem?"

"He's still sore that you dumped him for Snape," Ginny told me, rather dismissively. "Anyway, let's fill out that subscription." So, we did.

It arrived this morning with the owl post. I was very excited, because I really wanted to see his reaction. I was practically bouncing in my seat. When it came, I watched from the corner of my eye as the owl delivered the subscription to Professor Snape. I think I chose a good one: Flow, the magazine for men who like it wet and red. Mwahahaha!

Professor Snape casually opened the large envelope, looking rather unconcerned, but when he pulled out the magazine and took a look at it, his eyes went round and he spat pumpkin juice out all over it. Professor Lupin, looking rather curious, glanced over and repeated the action. By then, the Flow was rather wet. Heehee. And, oh, wonder of wonders, then Dumbledore joined in. He tapped Snape on the shoulder and whispered something, at which point Snape turned bright red, handed the magazine to him, and stormed out of the room. Dumbledore looked down at the soaking cover, grinned, then... He winked at me.

...

...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

I love my job.

After that, the day was mostly normal. I didn't see Professor Snape at all, which was a real drag, because I wanted to embarrass him some more. However, there is one person that I did see, though at the time I would rather have sucked the blood out of a tampon. Here's how it happened.

I was just minding my own business, coming back from a rather successful trip to the kitchens (I was teaching the house elves how to make hummus and pita bread) when out of the blue I encountered Dad. In a green kilt. With the Docs. The Docs. That's right. The pink ones. And I was still angry at him, obviously. "Hullo, Nadia."

"Goodbye." I turned to go back to the kitchens.

"You can't stay angry at me forever."

"Watch me."

"I'm entitled to make mistakes." What really got my blood boiling was the fact that he was being so damn calm about it, like he didn't even care.

"What's wrong with you!?" I whirled around to shout at him. "Aren't you even put off!? At all!?" He looked ready to smile, but had the good grace not to, the bastard.

"A little."

"A little!? A LITTLE!?"

"You've got such a temper." Then he tilted his head, and he actually did smile.

"I've had enough," I snapped, sounding remarkably like Professor Snape. "I have better things to do than to watch you stand there and grin like a lunatic." Which he is.

"I'm sorry," he replied quickly. "I told you I was sorry, didn't I?"

"I don't need a fake apology."

"Nadia." He actually looked sincere, for once. "I am sorry. You're my daughter. I love you. I didn't want you to know those things about me- who would? I didn't want you to think of me as some evil monster, is all."

"Actually, I think of you as more of a jackass right now, so I guess it all worked out for the best." He was actually starting to look a bit unhappy.

"Ah. Well, I can't say I blame you."

"No, you can't." I started to walk away again.

"Nadia, please wait!" I decided not to be cruel and again graced him with my charitable presence. "I can't be perfect. Don't I deserve a second chance?"

"Dad, I don't expect you to be perfect. But I at least expect you to act like a decent human being!"

"All that was a long time ago." He sighed. "If I could change it, I would."

"What about the embezzlement?"

"That doesn't make me a horrible person." I couldn't believe he was actually arguing for it. "It's not as if the Ministry helps anyone, anyway."

"Aren't you worried about ending up in Azkaban?"

"No."

"Aren't you worried about your family? Me? Mum?" He seemed to be trying to decide on what to tell me.

"I'd never thought of being caught, before. A lot of people can be bought, Nadia. Morals aren't exactly brought into play at the Ministry of Magic."

"So you don't have any morals?"

"I have morals. They're just... Complicated, that's all. I feel justified in what I do. It's the way I am, and I'm not going to change."

"You shouldn't feel justified in stealing!" I argued.

"Why not? Robin Hood was." Good lord.

"You are not Robin Hood! You are my dad! And you are wearing the ugliest clothing ever created by mankind!"

"I really don't appreciate that comment." I had to say it, though. It was just so vomitous, and I'm not normally fashion conscious, but even a homeless crack addict would cringe upon seeing his attire.

"I don't care!"

"I really am sorry. I'm not just saying that; I'd never say anything I didn't mean to you." He had that pleading look on his face he gets when Mum's angry at him. "Not to you." Oh, God. It was so convincing.

"Well, I don't forgive you."

"Oh. Alright, then." He let out a long sigh and frowned slightly. "I suppose I'll be going, now. Call me if you need anything." He really is a good father, despite everything. "I'll be around, in case you change your mind." I shouldn't have felt any sort of distress at seeing him go, but somehow I did.

"Hey, Dad?" And I shouldn't have caved in so easily.

"Hm?"

"Well... You're my dad and... I love you, I guess. So... It's okay. I might as well just forgive you. I know I will eventually, anyway." I'm sure Professor Lupin was right in some way.

"...I'm sorry, love."

"You should be. That kilt with the pink Doc Martens is horrendous." He chuckled.

"Back to normal, then?"

"Yeah. Back to normal." He pulled me into one of his psychotic bone-crusher hugs.

"You know, you're my favorite daughter."

"I'm an only child, Dad." He chuckled.

"Of course you are." God, my dad is creepy. Anyway, we had some bonding time while we sat in the kitchens and ate peanut butter and jelly (I really should cut down on my food intake) before he had to go back to work. The whole episode reminded me of when I was little, and I used to wake up every morning as Dad was leaving for work and make him kiss me goodbye so many times that he was almost late. And I remember how I would cry hysterically and chase after him if I missed him even once. I guess I was just a high-strung child. Separation anxiety, and all. That kind of stuck with me, but only a little bit.

After that whole big thing, I went to the library to study, where I encountered (ominous music) Colin. "Hey, Colin." I sat down next to him. "How's tricks?"

"Fine," he replied tersely.

"I didn't leave you for Professor Snape or anything, if that's what you think," I blurted out. "But... Listen, Colin. I think you're a good friend." He scowled. "You are. But... You're just a really horrible boyfriend. Sorry."

"I'm not a horrible boyfriend!" he protested. "I let you put things up my secret back passage!"

"Your... What?" He blushed.

"It's what my mum calls it," he grumbled.

"Right. Well, you liked it." He turned even more red. "You know you did. And it wasn't like I was rough with you when I did it."

"I'm just a little sore over it, alright?"

"Understandable. You're always sore after the first few times."

"That's not what I meant! I mean- I'm still sore over the break up." I grinned.

"I know. I was just kidding." Long silence. "So... My dad came today, to talk to me."

"Oh."

"I've decided to forgive him."

"What did he do that was so horrible, anyway?" I hadn't really told anyone else about my father's... Shenanigans.

"It's personal business," I replied. "So, am I going to be forgiven?"

"Eventually."

"That's nice to hear." There was a long silence between us. "...I should really get going, now. I've got to go over my N.E.W.T.s study chart."

"You're insane."

"I noticed." I smiled at him before I left, but he still had that sour angsty teenager look on his face. Oh, well. I tried, at least. And now I'm craving peanut butter, but I'm not even going to look at it because I've decided to go diet-crazy for the moment. I need to make up for all the eating I've been doing lately. My ass is big enough as it is in proportion to the rest of my body, without it actually being overweight. So, I'm off to work out for two hours. Huzzah!

...Professor Snape was right. Exercise sucks.