The Seduction of Severus Snape

Chapter 9: Operation: Lay Lupin

* ~ January 18 ~ *

It's been a while, I know, but we had another breaking period in the SSS tasks. Mostly because we had taken upon ourselves the momentous task of setting up Professor Lupin with Draco. Colin, of course, refused to be involved in any way. "It's gross!" was his main point of argument. Ginny and Luna, however, agreed to help me quite readily.

"He may be a git," Ginny said of Draco, "but at least he's sexy." And so, we were off like bandits with fine china. First, we had to wait for Draco's reply.

We didn't have to wait very long. It was two days later when an eagle owl came flying in with the morning post, dropping an envelope before me. Of course, Draco had to be all fancy and write in green ink, as always, so I knew right away that it was from him. It stated that he would agree to the date, but only if it was someone decent and not a crazed imbecile (such as Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, or any Gryffindor in general.) I scribbled quickly that the man in question was a responsible, intelligent adult who also happened to be a tiger in the sack. I figured that would get him to agree to meet me in Hogsmeade, and I was right.

Next step: talk to Professor Lupin. That wasn't too difficult, since all I had to do was stay after class. (By the way, I got full marks on that essay... Once I handed it in.) "Operation: Lay Lupin is a go, sir," I informed him. I just like talking like that.

"...Operation what?"

"That's not important. What's important is that you meet Draco at Sorella's on Burro street, noon sharp. This is imperative!" So I was exaggerating a little... It's fun to pretend that everyday tasks are really top secret operations. Really. It's perfectly normal. Besides, this was a very important operation. This was life or death, hot gay sex or celibacy, here!

"Er... Alright. If you insist."

"Do you know where that is?"

"Yes."

"Excellent!" Professor Lupin jumped a bit, apparently startled. "Let's move out!"

"What?"

"GO GO GO!!" And then I began to scamper off, giggling madly. However, Professor Snape suddenly obstructed the doorway, looking his normal sour self. When he saw me hurtling towards him, he spread his legs and braced himself. "DIVE DIVE DIVE!!" I dove between his legs, then pushed myself to my feet and ran away, still giggling madly. I could hear Professor Snape behind me as I went, asking Lupin if he'd given me any sort of illegal substance.

Then, the exciting day came. The day of the date. I went into Hogsmeade at seven with Colin, giving Ginny and Luna express instructions on where and when to meet me. Then, I had my own little date with Colin. Which, basically, was going to the normal spots for students to go to, followed by me dragging him to adult bookstores and sex shops. What can I say? I'm of age, and I have very broad tastes. After expanding my collection quite a bit, I carried him off to be snogged senseless. With handcuffs on. You know, I think he liked it.

However, all good things must come to an end, and so I packed away my handcuffs, left my packages and a kiss on the cheek with Colin, and ran off to meet Draco. I waited on the side street where I'd told Draco to meet me, tapping my foot impatiently. If he didn't hurry, he was going to be late. Then, I spied him walking towards me, feeling quite happy that he had finally arrived.

Oh, no. He'd spotted the new Quidditch supply store. Don't stop, don't stop... He stopped. Sighing, I took a deep breath and... "IT'S DRACO LUSCIOUS MALFOY!!!!" People stopped and stared at me. "YOOHOO!! IT'S MY LITTLE YUM-YUM!!!!" Turning an angry shade of red, Draco ducked through the crowd, grabbed me tightly by my arm, and pulled me into a darkened alleyway.

"Don't you ever call me that in public again!" he snarled indignantly.

"Nice to see you, too."

"Yes," he sniffed. "Very nice indeed." I punched him playfully in the arm and he winced.

"You're such a girl," I sighed, brushing the grime from the alley off myself as I stepped back out into the light of day.

"I am NOT a girl! How many times do I have to defend myself from that accusation!? Isn't my manly charm obvious?" I eyed him.

"No, not really. But don't worry, the man you're meeting won't mind a lack of masculinity." He grumbled something incoherent.

"...And it had better not be Snape." I laughed menacingly.

"Perhaps it is." He paused.

"You had better be lying."

"I am," I admitted. "Come on, you're going to be late!" I grabbed him by the sleeve and dragged him down the street, heading for that cosy little restaurant I'd told Professor Lupin to wait at.

"Who is it? Not a student, is it?"

"It's Dumbledore," I replied, stopping outside the restaurant and peering through the window. Professor Lupin was waiting patiently at a table in the corner, playing with the silverware and looking quite bored.

"I'm not going in there until you tell me who I'm supposed to be meeting." He sounded like he was bleeding from the cunt.

"Alright. Brace yourself, Bridget." He waited. "Remus Lupin." His mouth fell open.

"No! You did not set me up with a Gryffindor!"

"I did."

"He's a werewolf, too, you know!"

"I know. But he's sexy." Draco looked ready to make another point for his case, then stopped, apparently considering my last argument.

"...Alright. You've convinced me. I'll go." I grinned widely. "But if he turns out to have some part of him or habit or something that isn't sexy, then I'm leaving." He eyed Professor Lupin through the window, apparently assessing him. "...Wish me luck."

"Good luck, Rainbow Brite."

"...I will not dignify that comment with an answer." He walked towards the door, then paused. "Butch cunt eater." Then he entered the restaurant. As I watched him saunter up to Professor Lupin and hold out his hand in greeting, I could just imagine him introducing himself as "Draco Malfoy, sex bomb extraordinaire." Mostly because he probably was. That pink tinge on Lupin's cheeks spoke volumes.

Throughout the rest of the dinner, they apparently just chatted with each other. They seemed to be getting along rather well, actually. I was so involved in spying on the happy couple that I didn't notice Professor Snape walk up behind me. "...Miss Page?" I ignored him. "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but... What are you doing?"

"Sh!" I insisted, trying to shoo him away. "Shove off!" I could practically hear him scowling at me.

"Ten points from Ravenclaw!"

"Oh? Oh yeah? Well- ten points from you!"

"...Pardon?"

"Hah! That's right! IN YOUR FACE!" He blinked slowly.

"Miss Page... Are you aware that you are making absolutely no sense whatsoever?"

"SHUT UP!" I squealed, catching a glimpse of Draco and Professor Lupin leaving their table.

"How dare you-"

"Quick, hide!" I hissed, ducking under the window.

"What?"

"They're coming! Go! In the bushes!" I pushed him into the bushes and dove in after him... Which, in hindsight, probably wasn't a very good idea.

"What do you think you're doing?" he growled. I shushed him.

"Shh!" See? It was lucky that I did, because it was then that Draco and Professor Lupin walked outside, chatting amiably. They strolled away, apparently hitting it off. "Yesss!" I hissed to myself, before leaping out of the bushes and stealthily stalking after them. Professor Snape followed me, though acting much less spy-ish. While I was crouched down, darting back and forth between shadows like a proper nosy matchmaker, he was merely walking along behind me, looking mildly amused, yet irritated.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm being spy-like," I replied in a whisper. "You should be able to tell!"

"...Right." I decided that some theme music was in order. So, as I crept along the cheerful, sunlit avenue I quietly hummed my stealthy spy theme. Professor Snape made no comment. I trailed the couple in question all the way to... (danana!) the book store! I paused outside, peering at them through the glass. Draco had made his way to my favorite section (gay erotica, woohoo) and was showing Professor Lupin one of my favorite books. He seemed much less embarrassed than he is when I do that! "This is sick," Snape grumbled from behind me.

"Why are you still here?" I asked. "Do you have a reason for following me?"

"I thought you needed monitoring. Seeing as you're so unstable." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not unstable, I'm making matches!" He raised his eyebrows.

"You're... What?"

"I'm setting up Draco and Professor Lupin. Now, be quiet and help me monitor their progress, or be on your way!"

"This is sick," he muttered, backing away. "Ten points from Ravenclaw."

"Ten points from Professor Snape," I replied sarcastically as he walked away.

"Hey, Nadia!" It was Ginny and Luna. Finally!

"Where were you guys?"

"Following you," Luna said airily.

"We thought we'd keep our distance until Professor Snape left," Ginny clarified.

"Right," I answered, watching Professor Lupin and Draco sit down in the café for some caffeinated beverages. That reminds me of the summer I tried to quit drinking soda, and ended up replacing it with coffee. Not the most healthy replacement, I'll say. Anyway...

"Malfoy's making a move!" Ginny hissed. I snapped to attention in time to see Draco nudge his hand forward and place it over Professor Lupin's, batting his eyes.

"Aw! Come on, go for it..."

"I didn't actually think it would work," Luna muttered, sounding surprised.

"They're so sexy together, though!"

"It looks like they're going to kiss!" Ginny exclaimed. They were indeed leaning towards each other... Just a little further and... And... And Draco was pulling away. Then they were standing up.

"Dammit! Hide!" We ducked into the shadows and waited for them to exit the bookstore. "What the hell is he doing!?" I hissed, a split second before deciding to ask him myself. So, as I watched him follow Professor Lupin out of the bookstore, I picked up a large pebble (at least, that's what I'd call it) and threw it at him.

"FUCKER!" Oops. I'd sort of... Knocked him over.

"Merlin, Nadia, why'd you throw that huge rock at him?" Ginny scolded.

"It was a pebble!" I protested, watching Professor Lupin help Draco up and ask him if he was alright.

"It was a gigantic chunk of hardened sediment!" I rolled my eyes.

"It really wasn't that big."

"Nadia, when you need to use two hands to pick it up, it really is that big!" Puh. She exaggerates too much. I would have made more of a stand for my case, but Draco had just excused himself from Professor Lupin's company and was heading for us. He ducked around the corner and into the shadows where we were skulking, limping slightly and clutching his side.

"Christ, Draco, what happened to you?" I asked. He glared at me.

"You clubbed me with a rock!!"

"It was a pebble! And keep your voice down."

"It wasn't even a rock! It was a small boulder, for Merlin's sake! I think you fractured a rib!" Augh, I hate it when he gets whiny.

"Don't be such a wimp," I grumbled, poking the spot the rock had hit.

"YOW!"

"'Yow?' What are you, a cartoon?" I fixed his hair for him and started brushing the dirt off his robes. "And if you go tripping over yourself all the time you'll never make a good impression." His mouth dropped open and for a moment he just stared at me.

"Were you even watching what was going on there? I fell over because you threw a boulder at me!" I rolled my eyes.

"Don't be such a drama queen. Ginny, do you have any lotion or something?" Ginny fished in her bag for a moment before handing over some moisturizer.

"Drama queen? At least I'm not... Not... Grenda, Queen of Ultimate Pain!"

"Grenda? Pff." I moisturized him.

"You always injure me, in some way or another, every time I see you! I should have known I'd end the day with a trip to the hospital!"

"I never injure you," I argued.

"What about that time you punched him in the face?" Luna interjected. I groaned.

"That was an accident!"

"No it wasn't!" Draco protested,

"Yes it was." I finished moisturizing him and gave the tube back to Ginny. "There. You're all set, now go back out there and score! Do it for me."

"That's... Extremely creepy. I'd really rather not think about it." With a long suffering sigh, he turned to go. "And try not to hurt anyone. Except maybe yourself."

Alright, I think it's about time that the punching Draco in the face story was told. See, I was talking to Blaise, and he insinuated that I was completely helpless, and then I got angry at him... Well. Let's start over. SQUIGGLY FLASHBACK LINES!!!!

~~~~~~

I crossed my arms, glaring at Blaise. "What, you don't think I could take care of myself?" He snorted derisively.

"Not without your wand, you couldn't," he replied imperiously.

"Hah! I could deck you with one punch!" He let out a little chuckle. "I really could! Dad taught me how." His laughter only increased.

"Oh, I could see that. You'd probably hurt your fist more than the person you were actually punching." He shook his head, as if casting away the fanciful whim of a child.

"You don't believe me, eh? Fine. Come here!" He looked suddenly bewildered.

"...Huh?"

"That's right, I said come here! Attack me! Come on, I'm ready for you! I'm on the edge!" He blinked slowly, backing away.

"Er... Calm down."

"Let's go!"

"Hey, what's all-" The voice behind me was suddenly cut off as I whirled around and punched the intruder in the face. Draco dropped like a sack of bricks, sporting a bloody nose.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to punch you!" I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to his feet, propping him up against the wall. "That was a complete and total accident. Are you alright, Draco?"

"...Rumplestiltskin?" Blaise started laughing, doubling over in his mirth.

"Oh, that is priceless!" he chortled.

"Blaise! He's hurt." I turned back to Draco and held up my hand, like they do on the television. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Er... Runespore?" I took my time to come up with something to say in response to Blaise's renewed laughter.

"Shut up and help me out, here!" Well, I think that was worth the wait.

"You are just... Too much," he breathed, still chuckling as I hoisted Draco onto my shoulder. Damn, he's heavy. "Oh, Merlin- imagine what your children will be like!"

"Well, if you plan on being the father, then I can tell you one thing they'll be: ugly. Now, grab Draco's other side."

~~~~~~

And that's about it. Draco was very good about forgiving me for it, too. He only tried to poison me about five times. That's very few, for a Malfoy. (P.S. - Blaise wasn't really ugly.) Anyway, back to current events.

Draco and Professor Lupin ran around to various places for the rest of the afternoon, eating and shopping and touching each other's butts. But they wouldn't kiss! ARR! It was getting late, and still no kiss!! I decided to get Draco's attention again. "Hold it!" Ginny grabbed the pebble from my hands and tossed it aside. "Do you want to give him a concussion?" I rolled my eyes.

"Fine." I let Ginny pick out a pebble (which was really just a little speck, I didn't expect Draco to be able to feel it) and toss it at him. Draco, blinking, turned around and raised his eyebrows at us. I made a kissing motion with my mouth and signaled for him to get on with it, then ducked back around the corner to watch. With an exasperated expression, Draco turned around and tapped Professor Lupin on the shoulder.

Professor Lupin smiled at Draco and started to say something, but was suddenly interrupted by having Draco shove a tongue down his throat. We were all very happy that we'd been successful, and awarded each other with several hearty pats on the back. Then, Draco gave Professor Lupin a slap on the bum and came trotting over again.

"I'm going to take him somewhere for drinks," he hissed at us. "I expect you to get on back to the castle. Trust me, I can handle things from here." I snorted.

"Fine. Just don't come crying to me when you mess the whole thing up." So, we watched him prance off with his hand on Professor Lupin's butt, then headed on back to the castle. All seemed to be going well.

That night, I was doing my customary prefect patrols, and happened to be walking through the Defense Against the Dark Arts wing when who would I run into, but Professor Snape! "Hello, Professor," I greeted happily.

"You!" he ground out, his fists clenched and his face paler than usual. "You did this!" I blinked, confused.

"I... Did... What, exactly?"

"You were the one who set this up!" I was about to ask what it was that I had set up when I suddenly heard it; the very, very naughty noises coming from what I could only assume were Professor Lupin's living quarters. My mouth dropped open a bit as I stared at the firmly closed door. Hells yeah! Operation: Lay Lupin was a success!

"Oh my goodness, Professor," I breathed, as he started to look a little smug. "I had no idea. Say, can you get in there? I want to watch."

"Because of you," he burst out angrily, "I am scarred for life! Argh!"

"That's nice," I replied distractedly as I pressed my ear against the door.

"Ten points-"

"Yes, yes, I know," I grumbled, waving my hand dismissively. "Ooh, is that growling I hear?" Then I realized that, yes, it was, but it was coming from Professor Snape. This realization came to me... Well, probably when he grabbed me by my collar and yanked me away. "You're no fun," I pouted.

"This behavior is extremely inappropriate," he seethed. There was a short silence between us. "And gross," he added with a grimace.

"You're gross," I grumbled, crossing my arms. "But not physically," I added quickly. "You're just... Well, that little secret of yours is pretty gross." He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, come on. I know you like to ride the crimson tide, if you get my meaning." He immediately turned red and started spluttering.

"What- twenty points- detention!"

"Thanks, honeybuns. Alright, I've got to go patrol the charms corridor, so don't be surprised if I slip into bed a bit late." I winked at him. "Night, sweet thing." Then I was off like a shot. When I finished my rounds, I wrote a letter for Draco, asking him the details. I didn't send it right away though, since I knew he wouldn't be getting home until late. Heehee.

* ~ January 20 ~ *

A task, a task, alas: a task. Ahem. There was quite a harrowing new task today. Followed by... Other harrowing things. Onward.

"You need a new task," Luna said out of the blue as we sat down for breakfast.

"Really? What kind of task?"

"You know, I've been thinking about that," Ginny said from behind me, leaning over. I rolled my eyes.

"I should have known."

"This had better not be another one of those perverted tasks you seem to like so much," Colin groused from beside her.

"I'm sure it is," I replied, giving him a smile. He returned it.

"Alright, alright!" Ginny held up her hands. "Next task: whenever you're around Professor Snape, act as if you're the heroine of a cheesy romance novel. Treat him as the dashing hero." I stared at her... Then...

"Brilliant!" Hey, I liked it.

"What? You can't do that!" Colin protested.

"Of course I can! I already know what to do and say. I mean, I've read so many of them, it almost comes naturally."

"Potions this afternoon," Luna reminded us between bites of egg. "Should do it today."

"Definitely," I agreed. After a few more minutes, Ginny and Colin returned to their own table, and Colin and I agreed to meet up tomorrow for... I dunno... Dating stuff. Classes were boring, but of course I stayed after Defense Against the Dark Arts to ask Professor Lupin about his hot date. He looked rather tired, and I thought I saw a few purplish bruises around his neck area...

"Ah, hello, Nadia."

"How was it?" I asked immediately. He blinked.

"How was... What?"

"The sex!" I should have anticipated the embarrassed flush on his cheeks.

"Really, there's no reason to think I-"

"I heard you through the door. Was it really all that good? Did he stay all night? Are you going on a second date? I need to know these things!" Professor Lupin started to say something, but was rudely interrupted-

"Hello, lover!" By Draco swinging through the doorway, with a box of chocolates.

"Draco!" I exclaimed, noticing from the corner of my eye that Lupin was shaking his head frantically and mouthing "No!" towards Draco.

"Hello, man hands," he greeted me, sauntering into the room and dropping the box on Professor Lupin's desk. "I just thought I'd drop by to make sure I'd left a lasting impression," he informed the dear Professor. "Sorry I had to leave so early, but those are the duties of an auror-in-training for you." He flipped his hair jauntily.

"Really?" I cut in. "I thought that it was all just paperwork." He sneered at me, obviously sending the message that he was trying to be impressive over there. "Anyway- maybe you'll spill the details. How was last night?"

"I think I was rather marvelous," he sighed. "Remus was alright, too." I rolled my eyes.

"Of course. So I take it you're having a second date?"

"I certainly hope so." He eyed Professor Lupin with a slight smirk plastered on his face. "Wouldn't you agree?"

"Er- yes. Sure." He was so red, he could have passed for a very large, lycanthropic lobster.

"Tomorrow, then," Draco replied. "I'll swing round to pick you up." He nodded to me. "Later, Butch." Then, with a wink towards Lupin, he flounced out.

"He is so queer it's not even funny."

"I agree," I agreed.

"...Thank you. For... You know."

"Getting you laid. Yes, I'd say I'm quite good at that." I flipped my hair in my best impression of Draco and skipped towards the door. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll follow Draky-poo over the rainbow and down the yellow brick road. Ta, Professor." So, I headed off to my next class.

Potions. It was mostly uneventful, until, that is, we started brewing our potions. It all began when a Hufflepuff girl one seat over accidentally spilled her potion all over the floor. Professor Snape was on it like Draco on Professor Lupin. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) That's when I gasped dramatically and grabbed the sleeve of his robes.

"Miss Page!" he growled, whirling around.

"Oh, Professor! Take me completely with your angry-looking erection!"

"W-What was that?" he spluttered.

"I need you! I need to ravage your full lips, run my hands over your smooth muscles, and taste your sun kissed chocolate nipples!" I delicately raised my hand to my forehead, swooning.

"...Sun kissed chocolate nipples?" he repeated menacingly. I fell against him, acting faint.

"Your presence is so intoxicating! The heat from your body makes my womanhood tremble with desire!"

"...Perhaps you need to go to the infirmary."

"I need you to impale me upon your mighty mansword!"

"You most definitely need to go to the infirmary. Miss Lovegood, kindly escort Miss Page to the hospital wing." He pushed me off of him, letting Luna catch me. "As for the rest of you little dolts... BACK TO WORK!" He turned on his heel to go back to his desk, when suddenly he slipped on the spilled potion that lay forgotten on the floor.

"Ahhhhhh, wipe out!" I snapped my mouth shut, suddenly aware of what I had involuntarily said. Damn you, Teen Wolf!

"Would you care to repeat that, Miss Page?"

"Er... I love your... Shining tresses. I need to go to the hospital wing."

"No you don't-"

"Farewell, my love!" Then I grabbed Luna by the wrist and got the hell out of there. When I arrived at the infirmary, I explained to Madam Pomfrey that I'd been feeling faint and dizzy, and Professor Snape had thought it best that I lay down for a while.

So, I found myself in a hospital bed for the second time in less than a month, waiting for someone to visit me and bring me some entertainment, seeing as Luna had left rather quickly. I was just getting ready to take a nap when Professor Snape came prowling in, a sneer planted firmly on his face. "Miss Page," he hissed, approaching me.

"Hullo, Professor," I greeted, stretching and yawning. "How's the angry looking erection?"

"That's enough! I will not take this kind of treatment from you any longer!"

"What's the matter?" I asked, acting politely puzzled. "I thought you would have liked to feel sexy."

"Well I don't!" I blinked.

"You don't like feeling sexy?"

"I don't like feeling anything!"

"Oh." I let out a long sigh. "So you're playing hard to get, I see."

"I am not playing hard to get! You are a psychotic piece of wacko!"

"Now that's not a very nice thing to say."

"Twenty points from Ravenclaw!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"I don't care!" That's it.

"I've had enough bickering!" I cried out dramatically. "I'm going to save our marriage the only way I can: in the bedroom!" Hey, I'd read it on the back of a romance novel. Professor Snape groaned.

"Please tell me you did not just say that." Just as Madam Pomfrey came bustling over.

"Severus!" she huffed. "Is this true?"

"He never makes love to me anymore!" I wailed.

"You know that relationships with students are strictly forbidden!"

"But I-" he tried to protest.

"I'm calling Albus down here right away!" She hurried off before Professor Snape could say anything in his defense. He watched her go with his mouth hanging open, then snapped it shut and turned to me, looking murderous. I thought it would be a good idea to say something to melt the tension.

"So..." I glanced at his crotch. "Are you going to show me how to ride that thing?"

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!" He lunged at me, but I scampered away just in time.

"Now, Professor, calm down-" He came after me again and I ran and took refuge behind the food cart. "You've got to remember your blood pressure."

"I'LL STRANGLE YOU!!!" He jumped over the cart and grabbed me by the front of my robes, just as the Headmaster and Madam Pomfrey walked in... Along with my dad. I'm sure that the sight of Professor Snape hanging off a food cart and holding me in his luscious grip was quite a surprising sight.

"Really, now, Professor," Dad said casually, breaking the awkward silence, "you need to learn some self control." He swooped forward and extracted Professor Snape from the position of crazed homeless attacker. "I'm sure there's plenty of time for that in the bedroom."

"YOU!!!" Oh, God. That parent teacher conference must have been hell.

"Yes, me. And you, too. Though, you really look a shambles." He started straightening out Professor Snape's robes. "I, however, am the perfect picture of grace and style." Which... Was... Shockingly true. For once. He was dressed in robes that I would expect to see Draco in, and his hair was actually tamed. He actually sort of reminded me of Draco, at the moment. With a sigh, he adjusted his black leather gloves. "And here I had to be called out of a conference just to curb your flaming lust." Even the drawl was there.

"Excuse me!? This girl has been coming on to me for so long I've integrated it into my schedule! I can't go an hour without having to fight off her advances!" Now that's exaggerating a little, surely.

"Severus!" Dad suddenly gasped, looking horrified. "How could you deny her your sun kissed chocolate nipples!?" Now that's the dad I know.

"SUN KISSED CHOCOLATE NIPPLES!!!" Professor Snape roared. "SUN KISSED CHOCOLATE NIPPLES!!!" My, he seemed unbalanced. "SINCE WHEN ARE MY NIPPLES SUN KISSED AND CHOCOLATE!?!?"

"Maybe from that visit to Tuscany," Dad replied calmly, quirking an eyebrow. Professor Snape immediately snapped his mouth shut and turned a bright shade of red. With a scowl and a low growling noise, he stalked out of the room. "Well, that was easy."

"Well, Severus isn't very used to his nipples being a point of conversation," Dumbledore sighed knowingly.

"Albus!" Madam Pomfrey protested. "What about Professor Snape's... Behavior?"

"I'm sure that if we leave father and daughter to talk through this situation, all will be cleared up." I could have sworn I saw him wink at me. "Come along, Poppy. I've got an insatiable craving for cream puffs..." He left the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey begrudgingly following. I turned to Dad.

"You seem to be hovering around an awful lot." He shrugged.

"Albus flooed me. Apparently, he was entertaining some strange notion that you and Professor Snape were married or something of the sort." He grinned. "Was he very far off?"

"I'm afraid so." I let out a long sigh.

"Come now, it can't be all that bad." Dad gave me a comforting pat on the shoulder.

"It's actually sort of funny," I replied. Just then, Colin came running through the door with a wilting bouquet of flowers.

"Nadia! Are you alright?" NO. I could see Dad eyeing the bouquet with something bordering on contempt, and prayed to God that he said nothing.

"I'm fine, Colin. You can go, now." His gaze fell upon Dad, and I could tell something bad was about to happen.

"These are for you..." He handed me the flowers, still keeping his eyes locked with Dad's. "...Who is this?"

"I'm Nadia's father," Dad answered immediately, giving a strained smile as he shook Colin's hand.

"I'm Colin."

"Oh. So... Are you Nadia's..." He gave Colin that look, that purely pureblood look, like he was worse than dirt. "...Servant boy?" Colin flushed slightly.

"No. Nadia's boyfriend."

"...I think we need to have a talk."

"Dad, NO! Bad father, bad!" I grabbed Colin by the back of his robes and threw him out of the hospital wing. "I remember when you talked to Blaise! He wouldn't even sit next to me for a month after!"

"Well, he just took it the wrong way."

"Or maybe you threatened to castrate him if he ever touched me again."

"Eh, I might have done that. It's all rather fuzzy, now." He yawned loudly and scratched his head. "Anyway, thank God Albus flooed me, or I would've had to sit through that whole boring conference." He worked in his office all night again, I could tell.

"You were up all night."

"What can I say? I'm just a Hufflepuff at heart." He cracked his... Body. Eurgh, I hate that! It's so creepy! "So, everything's alright? No other boyfriends I need to know about?"

"Oh! I set Professor Lupin up with Draco!" He looked rather surprised.

"You did? And it worked?"

"Yes! They were at it like rabbits!" He grinned.

"That's good to know. It's about time, I say." I nodded in agreement. "Anyway, I'll be off to talk to Albus and Severus; I think a little of my fatherly touch is in order."

"NO! DON'T!" He chuckled and pulled me into a hug.

"Don't worry, I won't embarrass you. And I hope that my presence here will no longer be required." I sighed, defeated. It was no use, anyway.

"Don't worry, it won't." He gave me a kiss on the cheek and bounced off to increase the amount of hostility Professor Snape harbors toward me. At least he means well... I expect he means well. But sometimes I wonder if he's even sane enough to mean well. I guess that only time will tell.

* ~ January 21 ~ *

Nothing momentous happened today, except that... I molested Colin. Oh, and one other thing. This morning, I was walking through the entrance hall when I noticed a small, tittering crowd gathered around a notice. Pushing my way through the gathering of idiots, I got close enough to read it through a space between two Gryffindors.

Join the SKCN Foundation for the Treatment of Nipple Cancer. For contact information, please see Professor S. Snape.

SKCN. Sun Kissed Chocolate Nipples. Oh my goodness. That is definitely the work of my father. I guess he came through for me, after all.

I found the biggest gossip of the lot and told her what the initials stood for. By tomorrow, everyone should know. Ah, that makes me smile so largely. Well, I'm off to nibble some SKCN's. *Wink.*