The Real Story of Harry Potter

Chapter Eleven: Back to The Burrow

The first thing I noticed when I arrived in The Burrow, another place I hadn't had time to visit before, was that the Weasley's clock had changed. The usual nine hands had become fourteen; there were now hands reading "Harry", "Joanne", "Hermione", "Sirius", and "Remus". Twelve of the hands pointed to "home"; Bill's and Charlie's were pointed to "work".

"Now," said Moody, "this is going to be difficult. I think this is going to call for a Multiple Secret-Keeper Charm, because if only one person knows your whereabouts, then we're going to have some communication problems. Here's what I propose. Myself, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Sirius and Remus should be the Secret-Keepers for the children and Joanne." Ron scowled at the word. "That means that none of you underage ones can leave the house, or else Voldemort could find you. And it should be all the children in the house who have Secret Keepers. Sirius and Remus, are you two willing to go without any sort of magical protection?"

They looked at each other and nodded. "I'm going to do Memory Charms on all the Hogwarts teachers, so none of them will remember where the children are. Now if I could have the Secret Keepers come outside, please, and I'll perform the charm." They left out the front door.

"Children!" exclaimed Ron indignantly. "He makes us sound like a bunch of infants."

"Imagine not leaving the house until Voldemort's defeated again," said Harry gloomily. "No Quidditch practicing, no traveling..."

"What are you lot doing here?" It was Fred. He and George had just come down the stairs.

"Don't worry, Hermione, I'll do the explaining this time," I said. I did. They gaped.

"And all these people are supposed to be living in our house?" asked George.

I looked around. He was right, it was going to be quite a stretch.

"Let's see," said Ron. "Hermione and Jo can share Ginny's room. Harry can share mine. Percy can move in with Fred and George and give Sirius and Remus his room."

"Or Fred and George could move into mine," said Percy. "After all, they've got the two beds."

There was an uncomfortable silence. "I don't think Sirius and Remus will mind sharing a double bed," said Harry. The silence continued.

"All right," I said, "this is getting stupid. We aren't going to be able to have too many secrets if we're all living in the same house. Sirius and Remus are lovers. Anyone who has a problem with it can live with it, because there isn't anything else you can do."

Percy squirmed. I tried not to laugh. "Oh, and Percy, they've been known to have sex in other people's beds before, just to warn you."

His face turned as red as his hair. "Don't worry, Perce," said Ron. "I have a feeling we're all going to be too busy and stressed to think about things like sex."

I glanced over at Fred and George. They were going into silent convulsions.

*

The next morning, I awoke with Hermione's feet next to my head. We'd let Ginny have the bed, and were going to take turns each night.

Ginny's room was the smallest in the house, from what I could tell. When we were asleep, every inch of floor space was covered. There was a gentle knock on the door. "Come in," called Ginny sleepily.

Mrs. Weasley opened the door. "All your things came just came from Hogwarts, Hermione. Hagrid sent them. Oh, and Joanne, you've got your computer back. You know, the one the Ministry turned into a Portkey."

I sat up straight. I had my computer back. Now I could use my e-mail and IM to communicate with the Muggle world! They must be so worried about me. I leaped out of my sleeping bag, grabbed the laptop from a startled Mrs. Weasley, and turned it on. Sure enough, I had mail. It was from Lisa, my agent.

Joanne:

Where are you? Your husband and Jessica are frantic. I hope wherever you are, your computer is with you and you can receive this message. The press is having a field day, by the way. We had to turn in a Missing Persons report for you. Please answer immediately if you get this.

Lisa

I typed an answer.

Lisa, please tell everyone I'm all right, and cancel the Missing Persons report. I know you won't believe this, but the Harry Potter books are not fiction. A lot has happened, but now I'm at The Burrow and I'll have to stay here for a while. Joanne.

Chapter Twelve: The Long Wait

As soon as I turned off my computer, my stomach began to churn. I ran to the bathroom and was sick.

Hermione looked scared. "Are you all right, Jo? And you didn't even come near a broomstick."

I swallowed. "I'm fine."

Mrs. Weasley gave me a knowing look. "How many months?"

"Four," I said, a bit surprised.

"I had the same thing with Percy. Flying makes it worse....someone mentioned broomsticks and I felt ill."

"Could someone PLEASE tell me what's going on here?" asked Ginny, annoyed.

"I'm pregnant," I said. Ginny squealed.

"Oh, I love babies! That's one disadvantage of being the youngest, you never get to have a baby brother or sister. Do you want it to be a boy or a girl? What color hair do you think it'll have? I'll babysit any time you want....."

"Ginny, Ginny, calm down and let Joanne rest," Mrs. Weasley said. With a grateful look, I lay back down on the sleeping bag.

"Oh, you can't sleep on the floor anymore!" Ginny exclaimed. "I'd feel just awful. Here, take the bed, can I get you any more pillows?"

I was about to answer when Mr. Weasley burst through the door. His hair was uncombed and his eyes were wide and wild. "Molly! We've got to go, I've just spoken with Professor McGonagall, she wouldn't say exactly what was happening but it's got to do with You-Know-Who and it's very urgent! Sirius and Remus aren't to come, and we're to meet at Hogsmeade!" The second his mouth closed, he Disapparated.

"Stay here and don't leave, no matter what," said Mrs. Weasley. She Disapparated too.

Hermione was out the door like a shot. Ginny and I ran behind her. She raced down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Ron and Harry were sitting at the table. "Ron! Harry! They've gone, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, something about Voldemort, they had word from McGonagall. Sirius and Remus are supposed to stay here and no one's to leave. And I looked last night and there isn't any more milk and Joanne's pregnant and we don't know what the bloody hell is happening and we can't find out and this house isn't nearly big enough for this many people, no offense, and I'm so worried and scared!" With that, she burst into tears.

Harry looked very solemn, but worried. "I'll go wake up Percy, Fred, and George," he said. Hermione was still sobbing. Looking a bit awkward, Ron moved his chair closer and put his arm around her. "Stop it now, Hermione, nothing's going to happen."

"We don't know that!" she wailed. "We don't know anything! And if there's one thing that drives me mad, it's not knowing anything!"

Harry reappeared in the doorway with Percy, George, and Fred behind him. They looked at Hermione and Ron, and then at me. Muggle or not, I thought, I'm the only awake adult in this house (if you didn't count Percy, which I didn't). I've got to take charge.

"Hermione, calm down. Take some deep breaths. That's it. Now. Someone ought to get Sirius and Remus up."

Harry looked over at the clock. My eyes followed his. The hands labeled "Sirius" and "Remus" were pointed to, "Doing Things That Are None Of Your Business".

"Not me," said Percy. "I don't even want to think about the two of them and my bed."

Hermione suddenly stopped sobbing. She moved away from Ron's embrace, stood up, faced Percy, and slapped him hard. He yelped.

"What the hell did you do that for?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK!?!" she screamed. "YOUR PARENTS ARE OUT THERE FIGHTING VOLDEMORT AND ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS HOW YOU DON'T WANT REMUS AND SIRIUS SHAGGING IN YOUR BED! WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR YOUR STUPID HANG-UPS! NOW GO AND GET THEM UP! NOW!"

Percy left as fast as he could. Seconds later, he returned with Remus and Sirius.

"All right," said Sirius firmly. I sat down, relieved that someone else was taking charge. "No one leaves. The best we can do now is stay as calm as possible and try not to worry. And, Harry, if you're thinking of leaving with the Invisibility Cloak, don't."

"I wasn't thinking of it!" Harry protested.

Sirius gave him the SBTMTTOIKYL. "All right," Harry admitted, "it did cross my mind."

*

By lunch time, there was still no word. Hermione had bitten down all her nails, and Harry's hair was sticking up even more than usual because he'd been compulsively running his fingers through it. Remus kept pacing the downstairs corridor and Sirius hadn't moved since after breakfast, when he'd collapsed on the sofa and buried his head in the pillow. Ron and Percy were playing game after game of wizard chess, and Fred and George had disappeared upstairs. The only one doing anything sensible was Ginny. She'd taken on the role of caretaker in her parents' absence, and she'd been busy making me tea, brewing a Foul-Tasting Potion for Hermione to paint on her nails, and trying to convince Remus to sit down.

Just as I was about to ask what we should be doing about lunch, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley walked through the door. Ginny squealed, almost spilling the tea she had been bringing me. "Mum! Dad! You're all right!" She thrust the tea at me and ran to throw her arms around her mother.

"It's all right, everyone, don't worry," said Mr. Weasley. Sirius looked up and breathed a sigh of relief. "Ron," said Mr. Weasley, "if you'll go and get everyone in here, I'll tell you all the whole story,"