Every Guy has a Soft Spot for a Cat

"Long John Snape," Harry said with a stern look. "What did we say about teaching your shoulder parrot dirty pickup lines?"

The chastised pirate shuffled his feet. "If I'm going to use Petey to hit on students, I should at least make the lines clever and sexy, not raunchy and overly detailed."

"Yes, and do you think that Boot Deck Harry appreciated it when Petey asked him if he would like to insert your huge phallic sword into his youthful butt sheath after a romantic lobster dinner?" Harry asked.

Long John Snape sighed. "Prolly not."

Harry tugged his skirt down only to feel it instantly slide up, once again revealing a little more of his rear than he liked. "So what do you have to say to Boot Deck Harry?"

Long John Snape turned and directed his attention to the floor (or boot deck) at Boot Deck Harry's feet. "I'm sorry for demeaning you in a less than impressive way."

"That's okay," replied Boot Deck Harry. "You meant well."

"No, don't let him off that easy," Harry said. "Go on."

"I only taught Petey to say those things because I wasn't confident enough to approach you myself...because...well, Boot Deck Harry, I like you. I mean I really like you."

"And..." Harry muttered.

"And?"

Harry gestured to the parrot.

Long John Snape nodded. "Oh yeah, and Petey has something to say too."

The parrot squawked as its owner poked it forcefully. "Hey baby! That's a very becoming sweater you've got on."

"Why thank you," Boot Deck Harry replied.

"I'd be coming if I were on you too."

Boot Deck Harry teared up. "Aw...that's so sweet! You really know how to treat a guy like an object and a lady at the same time."

Long John Snape smiled. "It was nothing."

"Alright," Harry announced, heading back to the front of the classroom. "Now that we've cleared that issue up, let's continue with the anatomy lesson, and yes, you two may be excused for obvious reasons."

"Can we skip the lobster dinner?" murmured Long John Snape.

"I thought you'd never ask," Boot Deck Harry whispered.

"Remember," Harry called after them. "The Sex Room is down the hall on the left behind the YOU MUST BE 17 OR OLDER TO READ THIS FIC sign."

He was beginning to notice that he walked with a booty in heels. "Now class which is dwindling far too rapidly for my comfort," he said to the remaining three students. "Are we ready to expand our lesson to the female reproductive system?" He perched himself on his desk and crossed his legs in a less than professorly manner.

"Ew," squealed Running Out of Clever Pirate Names Harry. "Girl's are gross."

"Why bother?" asked Flying Dutchman Snape. "There's almost zero chance of encountering a vagina on this ship."

"Less than that," said Running Out of Clever Pirate Names Harry. "I'm bored. Let's screw."

Flying Dutchman Snape hopped up and hoisted the horny adolescent over his shoulder. "Alright. Let's go!"

"Wait!" Harry cried. "The Sex Room is occupied!"

"They'd settle for a bathroom stall if necessary," the Snarry Captain said.. He got up from his desk and started toward the horrified instructor. "And now we're alone..."

"Oh Merlin, you're still here," Harry whimpered. "I almost forgot." He laughed nervously.

The Captain knelt and kissed Harry's knee. "It's a pleasant surprise I hope."

"A surprising one at any rate." He gasped as the older man lifted him off the desk and started toward the door. "Wait!"

"What is it now?" the Captain groaned.

"I have to pee."

"What?"

"I'm serious. I totally had a huge cocktail back at the bar when you kidnapped me and all."

"Fine," Snape snapped. "But make it fast."

"Of course, of course," Harry said. "I'll wee like the wind."