Every Guy has a Soft Spot for a Cat

"You know...you'd think it would have been harder to find some random sea bound bunny," Draco said cheerfully.

Pansy ignored him and continued down toward the beach. "I suppose."

"Lucky for us...he put up a sign." He stopped and gaped at the huge billboard that read: PLOT BUNNY EXTRAORDINAIRE--EXPERT IN STORY LINE CREATION, ALTERATION, DESTRUCTION, AND BULLSHITTING!!! "A massive, flashing neon sign...with a big arrow."

"Quit staring Draco and move your fat ass!"

He sulked. "It is not! It...it's just hard to find time to work out with all this adventuring! I mean, sure it's not as trim as it once was, but--"

Pansy sighed. "I take it back. Move your scrawny butt--"

"Scrawny!"

"Just move!" She grabbed his tee shirt and dragged the delicate blond behind her.

"Halt! Who approaches?

Only the righteous may board

My boat of wonders."

Pansy and Draco stopped at the edge of the rickety black dock. Both peered into the fog, finding nothing, or to be more precise finding more fog.

"We've come to see the Plot Bunny," Pansy said cautiously. "We need his help."

They heard a giggle.

"The Bunny appears

When writers seek his counsel.

What brings you to me?"

"A kinky, nautical version of Professor Snape stole my boyfriend!" Draco piped up.

"We need to find the Snarry ship," Pansy added.

"I know this ship well.

I'm certain I can help you.

But first a contest."

"A contest?" Pansy scowled. "Show yourself."

The giggling began again.

"Just look to your feet.

You're sure to find me right there.

Surely you see me."

Pansy winced as a rather girly shriek pierced the air and was surprised to find that it was not in fact Draco that made it...but herself. She covered her mouth with embarrassment. "You caught me off guard," she said, eyeing the black rabbit that had appeared at their feet.

"You should look down more.

Perhaps you would not get scared

So easily then," the Bunny said morosely.

"So you were saying..."

Both the Bunny and Pansy scowled as Draco picked up the adorable animal and began to stroke his long, furry ears.

"Draco, please--"

"What? He looked like he needed a cuddle, and I miss having a pet."

The Bunny hopped back to the ground and cleared its throat.

"In order to board,

You must master the haiku.

Then I will help you."

"Oo! A haiku off!" Draco said with excitement.

"Haikus?" Pansy muttered. "You're serious."

"I do not make jokes.

Beat me with your poetry,

And I am your guide."

"How do you do a haiku?" Pansy asked.

"5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables," Draco said.

"I hate poetry," she whispered. "Maybe you should challenge him."

The blonde frowned. "Are you sure you trust me with this?"

"Of course."

He smiled. "Good. You know, Pansy...if I didn't know better, I'd have thought that you were convinced that I was a blithering idiot."

She smiled nervously. "Indeed."

"Alright let's do this!" Draco began.

"I accept your challenge, sir.

I will defeat you."

The Bunny raised its eyebrows, clearly impressed.

"The theme shall be ships

For that is my profession.

Choose at your own risk."

Draco smirked and began to contemplate.

"Ginny/Ron is wrong.

The sick write of their incest.

Disturbing yet sweet."

The Bunny frowned.

"Hermione/Ron

Can be quite a dull pairing.

Most canon is though."

"Hooch sees girls shower.

I bet she fancies Katie.

All sudsy and hot."

"Draco is catcher

For Snape the well-hung pitcher.

Poor Draco's sore bum."

Draco scowled.

"Dumbledore/Harry

Hero boy screwing mentor

That's just fucked up, man."

The Bunny seemed irritated that his opponent was doing so well.

"Harry hates Draco.

They'll never be together.

Snape triumphs again."

Pansy watched Draco's face flush.

"Draco loves Harry.

He won't let pirates rape him.

Bunnies are stupid."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"You are deemed worthy.

I will help you find your love.

Please board the boat now."

The Bunny hopped down the deck and began to prepare for the voyage.

Pansy followed Draco onto the dock. "Draco..."

He turned and smiled at her. "Did I do well?"

She nodded. "Brilliant as usual."

He shrugged and turned back toward the ship.

Pansy was shocked at the unprecedented modesty. "Draco."

He looked back at her. "What? Come on!"

She stared at him for a moment. "Its true, isn't it?"

"That I'm brilliant? Of course it is."

She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Ew. Get that off me. Where did you even find a severed hand?"

"Sorry." She tossed it into the water and put her own hand on his shoulder instead. "I meant, is what you said in your haiku true?"

"Which one?"

"The last one."

"Well, most bunnies are incredibly daft, but--"

She covered his mouth. "You love Harry," she said resolutely.

Draco seemed confounded for a moment. "I...I do." He seemed a bit surprised by the idea. "I didn't really think about it. I just...said it."

Pansy paled a bit. "You love Harry."

It seemed so obvious suddenly.

Draco smiled again. "Of course I do." He boarded the small boat with a leap.

Pansy stared out at the ocean with a sorrowful look. "Of course you do..."