Every Guy has a Soft Spot for a Cat

"Oh great...terrible techno remixes and a 70s-esque light up disco floor. Fantastic."

Harry glanced over his shoulder as another version of himself punched another Draco in the arm.

"Oh cheer up, Dripping with an Unhealthy Amount of Sarcasm Draco," said the Harry. "Lighten up! It'll be fun... We can dance!"

Dripping with an Unhealthy Amount of Sarcasm Draco sighed. "Well, I have been just itching to bump and grind, and this electronic combo of Barbie Girl and Lovecats is rather catchy."

"Now you're just being rude. Besides, I'm sure you can relate to the song... You're blonde and catty."

Dripping With... (oh for goodness sake)...Sarcasm Draco rolled his eyes. "Ha. Ha. You kill me Overly Optimistic Harry." He frowned. "You really do."

"Draco, is everyone here as crazy as you?" Harry asked.

Draco blinked. "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you talking to me, love?"

Harry glared in frustration. "Yes..."

"Well, there are a lot of Draco's around," Draco replied. "You'll have to be more specific."

Harry had to admit there were an awful lot of Draco's around, each accompanied by a Harry. "Sorry..." he sighed. "Eccentric Millionaire Draco, is everyone here as wacko...as nutso...as cuckoo...as off their rockers...as batshit insane as you are?"

Draco looked at him with the expression of an exasperated mother. "I get your point, and yes, they are." He searched the room. "I think..." He trailed off.

"What?" asked Harry.

"I think..." Draco squinted at the bar. "I think we need a drink."

"Finally, something that makes sense," Harry said. "Booze I understand."

They approached the bar, manned by a sleek Draco in leather trousers and decidedly no shirt.

"I'll have a Stupendous Stout," Harry said confidently.

"Don't have any," replied the bartender.

"Burfender's Bubbling Brew?"

"Nope."

"Auspiciously Awesome Ale?"

"'Fraid not."

"Pigman Pint?"

"Thankfully no."

Harry gave his own leather pants a hike. "Do you have beer...just plain beer of any kind?"

"This is a cocktail bar," the bartender responded.

"Cock...tails...?"

The bartender smiled. "That's right, babe...sound it out."

Harry grimaced. "Ack!" He watched in horror as the bartender climbed up on the counter and began gyrating seductively to the music.

"Lemme guess...Coyote Ugly Draco?"

Coyote Ugly Draco smiled. "For your viewing pleasure."

"Honey, get off the bar. I swear...I turn my back for one minute, and you're up there shaking your groove thang and spraying booze all over the men as if you were Tyra herself."

Coyote Ugly Draco hopped down and gave the other bartender a peck on the cheek. "Well, I have to sneak a few dances while you're busy tossing bottles around to impress the blondes, Similar to Tom Cruise in Cocktail Harry."

Harry was beginning to detest these far too elaborate names. "Can I just get inebriated already?"

"Sure," said Coyote Ugly Draco with a wink. "What'll it be?"

"Something manly, please."

Similar to Tom Cruise in Cocktail Harry looked doubtful. "How manly?"

Harry pleaded to the sky with his eyes. "Manly as you've got? Manly-ish?"

Coyote Ugly Draco whipped up a pink liquid and poured it in a sleek martini glass. "Erotic Tryst in the Broom Closet, it is!" He handed it to Harry with a flourish.

Harry stared at it in defeat. "If this is as manly as it gets, Viktor Krum must be a fairy princess."

Coyote Ugly Draco plopped a cherry and a pink umbrella in the drink.

"Thanks," Harry said. He paused, hearing a strange giggle.

"Oh, Similar to Tom Cruise in Cocktail Harry...you're shameless!"

"How can I help it when such a beautiful boy needs a drink?"

"Stop it! You're making me blush!"

"A rosy compliment to your flawless skin. That is an amazing coat, by the way," Far Too Long a Name Harry purred.

Harry turned to see Draco...his Draco flirting with I'm a Douche Bag Who Is After Other Harrys' Draco's That Somewhat Resembles Tom Cruise in a Cinematic Snorefest Harry.

"Here you go. One Senor Happy in the Pants Mocha Frappe Flavorfiesta...on the rocks."

"Thanks, dreamboat."

"Don't mention it," Similar to Tom Cruise in Cocktail Harry replied. He took Draco's hand and pressed a slip of paper into it. "And here's my number," he whispered. He winked. "Give me a call, gorgeous."

Harry stormed over and snatched the paper. "First of all...all of the Draco's look the same...so I see no reason for the special flattery, and second of all, this Draco is mine...or I'm his...or whatever. And third...you suck...a lot."

Draco snatched the number back. "If I want to call him...I will."

Snatch. "No, you won't!"

Snatch. "Stop it!"

Snatch. "No!"

Snatch. "Back off!"

Snatch. "I don't like it when you flirt with other guys, Draco!"

Draco paled then blushed. "You don't?"

Harry tore up the paper. He ran a hand through his hair with embarrassment. "Um...no, I don't. I don't want you to flirt with anyone but me.."

"That's so adorable I could piss myself," cried nearby Emo Draco."

"Right..." Harry mumbled. "Draco, I need to know right now...I need to know..." He exhaled. "I need to know where the hell your future self is," he said quickly. "Now quit flirting with Similar to that One Guy in that Crappy Film About Booze Harry and get to work!"