Every Guy has a Soft Spot for a Cat

Meanwhile Harry Potter was strolling down the corridors of the learning establishment known as Hogwarts, contemplating what would happen if he were to walk under a ladder, open an umbrella indoors, and break a mirror, all in one day.

He frowned as a small black cat crossed his path. Bugger.

"Mew!"

The kitten dashed up to him and smiled playfully.

Harry bent down and scooped up the creature. "Hello there. What are you grinning about?" He paused. At least he assumed it was a grin...could cats grin?

He shook it off.

The kitten blinked and swatted Harry's robes viciously. Harry chuckled.

He paused again. A small white envelope was attached to the green ribbon tied neatly around the kitten's neck.

"What's this?" he asked, pulling it free and opening the letter inside.

Dear Harry, the Boy Who Bloody Well Did Not Die:

Meet thyself and in turn find thy one true love.

Hugs and Kisses...Mysterious Person

Ps. That sounded really poetic, didn't it? I totally rock at this! Anyway, enjoy the kitten.

Harry stared at the note curiously. The whole thing was either a joke, dreadfully serious, or completely insane. He decided on all three and quickly stuffed the letter in his pocket.

He glanced down, scratching behind the cats ears absently. The kitten looked up at him inquisitively. They started toward the dorms.

"Hedwig will be terribly jealous," said Harry finally.

The kitten mewed understandingly.

"Well, alright, but when people ask, I only decided to keep you because you're amusing...not because you're adorable. Got it?"

"Meow."

"Great."

***

"You're naming him what?" asked Hermione incredulously.

"Butterwick," Harry replied. He stroked the kitten's soft black fur silently.

"Why Butterwick?" She stared at the new arrival in confusion.

Ron blinked. "Isn't that a butler name?" he asked.

The other three stared at him in horrified bewilderment.

"What? I heard it somewhere!" he muttered defensively.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Anyway, Harry, are you sure about this? The whole situation seems dangerous."

"Dangerous? It's a cat!"

"But this Mysterious Person...it's all so..."

"Mysterious?" added Ron helpfully.

They scowled at him.

"Hermione," Harry sighed. "Even if this is some sort of plot, it can't be a very good one. I mean, 'Meet thyself and in turn find thy one true love'? What does that mean anyway?"

"Search me," muttered Ron, taking the letter, "I'd be more worried about the 'Hugs and kisses'." He started at it a moment. "Perhaps this person is mad. It sounds like they think you're a cat or something...or maybe they want you to fall in love with the cat?"

They stared at him again.

"Seems a bit loony to me."

Harry baulked. "True...although the writer of this message appears to be a bit off their rocker...I don't think that's what they meant."

Ron scooped up the cat and eyed it suspiciously. "He's up to no good, I tell you."

"You say that about all cats," said Hermione.

"I said that about your cat, and I stick by my word." He crossed his arms indignantly.

"Crookshanks was only trying to--"

"Would you two focus on something other than your pent up sexual feelings for each other!" Harry snapped. "Let's get back to the matter at hand--"

"Your pussy?" said Ron.

"I do not have a pussy," Harry muttered.

"Sure you do," giggled Hermione. "Ron seems to really enjoy stroking it."

Ron scoffed. "I am not stroking Harry's pussy. It is merely nestled between my legs."

"Let's talk about something else!" Harry cried desperately. "How about your pent up sexual feelings for each other? That seems to be going pretty well. You know...the whole bickering and pretending you don't secretly know you're meant to be together thing? Yeah...just love it."

Harry quickly snatched Butterwick out of Ron's lap and headed toward the door.

"Don't be embarrassed by the deep connection I have with your pussy, Harry!" Ron shouted.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Do the world a favor and just kiss her already!" he shrieked.