Every Guy has a Soft Spot for a Cat

"Draco, darling...you are not taking that mongrel to school with you."

Draco stroked the kitten nonchalantly. "Yes, I am." He glanced around to make sure no one was listening. "And he's not a mongrel! He's adorable."

His mother nodded in exasperation and planted a brief, obligated kiss on his cheek. "Write soon," she said simply.

"Goodbye, Mother." He stood as the train pulled away and held the kitten up. "Say goodbye, Harry!"

"Mew."

He grinned. "Good kitty."

***

"He's angry with me," said Draco sorrowfully as they ate dinner.

Pansy watched Draco worriedly. "What makes you say that? You seemed so happy a couple of weeks ago when school started."

He sighed and poked his food thoughtfully. "He's upset about something. I think he feels neglected."

She nodded. "Draco, I'm sure it's just a mood swing. He'll be over it in a day or so."

"No," he said with a sniffle. "It's more than that. We....we don't snuggle anymore...like we used to. I thought we had something special, but lately he's gotten more distant. I think maybe he's found someone else...a Gryffindor. He's always running off and hanging around their tower...I--I'm just so worried! Maybe it's me--"

"No..."

"I just keep getting the feeling that he's restless...like I can't satisfy him like I used to."

She put a hand on his arm. "Draco, I didn't know..."

He sniffled. "And when we're in bed at night...he hardly ever purrs!"

Blaise turned around and glared at them. "Would you two quit toying with people's emotions by making it appear that you are in some sort of gay relationship...possibly Harry Potter...only to destroy their hopes by revealing that you're talking about your cat!"

Draco frowned. "Sorry." He turned back to Pansy. "I just don't know what to do..."

She smiled reassuringly. "Draco, I've got two words for you: cat-nip."

"That's one word."

"No, it isn't.

"Yes, it is. Look it up."

"How? It's not like I have some dictionary that I pull out every time Draco beckons!"

"Yes, you do. I gave it to you for your birthday." He pointed. "It's in your bag right now. It's even got the words, 'Dictionary to be Pulled Out Every Time Draco Beckons', embossed on the cover."

She stared at the bag awkwardly. "My point is...catnip. Cats go crazy for it! Hence the name...CAT-nip."

Draco scoffed. "Are you going somewhere with this?"

She rolled her eyes and took a bite of pudding. "You know what would be great, Draco? If you would shut the fuck up and think for a minute."

"I don't have to think...that's what you're here for."

Pansy sighed. "Forget it. I'll just nab some catnip from Professor Snape, and you can make amends with your precious kitty."

She stood, tugging Draco behind her.

He giggled. "Hey Pansy...I just thought of the best pussy joke..."

"Shove it, Draco!"

"Oh, so you've heard it already..."

***

"Kitty..." Draco called cautiously as he entered the boys' dormitory, Pansy trailing behind him. "Kitty? Kitty, where are you? I'm really really sorry."

He frowned as his apology met silence. "Damn it! What do you want from me?"

Pansy shushed him. "Draco, look." She pointed.

Draco dashed forward and dropped next to Theodore Nott's bed. "Pansy, something is terribly wrong...just look at these stains. And look!" He held up a small gold object. "Harry left his gilded collar! He'd never leave without it! He loves this thing!"

"Draco, I think you're overreacting..."

He sniffled and stood up dejectedly. "He's gone!"

Pansy pulled him into arms as the tears came.

"Harry's been catnapped!"

She sighed. "Draco, honestly...why would someone kidnap your cat?"

"I don't know...revenge...jealousy...an evil plot to obtain sexual favor as ransom for his return...

"Your intellect truly worries me," she muttered.

"Pansy, what are you doing in here?" asked Theodore Nott as he entered the room. "And why is Draco crying? Did you hit him again?"

"Where's my cat?" Draco demanded.

"How the hell should I know?" asked Theodore.

"Tell me!"

He rolled his eyes as the small blonde grabbed the front of his robes threateningly.

"I ate it," he replied sarcastically.

Draco's jaw dropped. "You ate my pussy?!"

Pansy slapped him upside the head. "What did we say about pussy jokes?"

"I couldn't resist!" He glared at Theodore. "Back to the matter at hand...why did you eat my cat?"

"Because I heard it's a delicacy in Stupid, Poncy Blonde Land, and I wanted to learn the ways of your people."

Theodore frowned as the other boy continued to stare at him, awaiting an answer.

Does he actually think I ate his cat?

"I was kidding," he said nervously.

Draco scowled. "Of course, you were." He shoved the other boy aside and struck a dramatic thinking pose. "But who? Who could have stolen my precious kitten away from me?"

Pansy shrugged.

He threw himself on his bed and sulked profusely. "Harry...I will find you, and when I do, I shall exact my revenge on the fiend who took you from me!"