There'll Be Bluebirds

'Harry?'

Harry looked up from the file on his desk at his godson standing uncertainly in the doorway of his office. He closed the file and slid it into the open drawer next to him and shut it. 'You're up late,' he observed.

'It's not even ten and I'm not Lily,' Teddy said scornfully. 'And James thinks he's being clever, because he's reading under the covers with a torch,' he informed Harry.

'So that's where it disappeared to,' Harry mused thoughtfully. 'I tore the tool shed apart looking for it...'

'Did you really?' Teddy's face scrunched in distaste. The tool shed made him sneeze and all the rafters were festooned with several large cobwebs. It even smelled a bit musty, like the Potions classroom.

'Not really. Just moved a few Chocolate Frog boxes around and gave it up as a bad job.' Harry unfolded himself from the battered chair behind the desk and stretched languidly. 'Fancy some hot chocolate?' he asked.

'Is that really a question?' Teddy retorted.

'Right. Forgot who I'm talking to,' Harry chuckled, draping an arm across Teddy's skinny shoulders. 'So what's got you prowling the house so late?'

Teddy shifted uncomfortably. 'How well did you know your godfather?'

'Sirius?' Harry couldn't hide the surprise from his voice. 'In all honesty, not very well,' he confessed. 'I didn't know about him until I was thirteen. And didn't know I could have lived with him after my parents died until I was almost fourteen.' Harry snagged two mugs from a cupboard and set them on the counter. 'Get the milk, will you?' he said to Teddy, rooting through the pantry for the drinking chocolate. 'Any contact I did have with him was sporadic at best over the next two years, and we didn't exactly sit down and have deep, emotional conversations.' Harry poured milk into each mug, then tapped it with his wand, heating the milk. He measured chocolate into each mug and flicked his wand carelessly at a drawer. Two spoons floated out and landed in each mug and began to stir. Harry handed Teddy one of the mugs and took the other to one of the windowsills, sitting sideways, his knees drawn up to his chest, back braced against the frame. 'And then he died... Suffice to say, I didn't know him nearly as well as you do me.'

Teddy nodded, taking a sip of his hot chocolate. 'Who's Gideon Prewett?'

Harry raised a brow, but merely said, 'One of Molly's twin brothers. Gideon and Fabian. She doesn't talk about them much. Why do you ask?'

Teddy toyed with the spoon in his mug. 'I think he and Sirius were...' His hair slowly changed from deep turquoise to bright, fiery orange. 'Just...' He shoved the journal at Harry, who took it with a questioning look. 'The page marked with the quill,' Teddy mumbled.

Harry thumbed it open and began to read, his face smoothly neutral. 'Hm. Learn something new every day,' he murmured. He turned a few pages thoughtfully, mind racing through a few hazy memories of Molly and her interactions with Sirius. -Explains a lot, he mused, recalling the somewhat tense aura that seemed to surround them at times. Harry wondered if what he'd just read contributed to their frequent spats. It certainly would have made a great deal of sense. Sirius' reputation as a prankster was widely known, and certainly well-deserved. And what from what Harry could gather from the little Molly had said, Fabian and Gideon had their less serious moments, but when the occasion called for it, they could be even more serious about the task set before them than Percy. Harry could see how it might have gotten under Molly's skin if Sirius had managed to rub off on Gideon. Harry didn't know the exact circumstances surrounding her brothers' deaths, but based on Remus' ruminations on how heavily Gideon's death weighed on Sirius, perhaps Sirius might have been indirectly responsible for it. Unfortunately, the new information opened up more questions than it actually answered.

'You don't think...?' Teddy's hesitant questions broke through Harry's musings. He took a hasty gulp of his hot chocolate to cover his embarrassment, wincing when he scalded his tongue.

'Sirius and your dad?' Harry asked gently. Blushing furiously, Teddy nodded, his eyes fixed on the wilting flowers in a vase in the middle of the scrubbed wooden table. 'No,' Harry said firmly.

'How do you know?' Teddy asked tightly.

Harry looked down at the slightly worn journal, the leather scuffed along its spine. Images drifted through his head of Remus with Sirius the few times he'd seen them together - in the Shrieking Shack his third year, at Grimmauld Place his fifth year. It was the same sort of relationship he had with Ron. Closer than friends, and closer than brothers, but strictly platonic. He let his eyes drift shut and he saw the way Remus' eyes followed Tonks around a room, even though nothing else indicated he paid her the slightest bit of attention. And the way he stared into the dark July sky, searching for Tonks the night they took him from the Dursleys, his thumb worrying the still-new wedding ring on his finger. The palpable relief he felt when Tonks staggered off her broom, and threw herself into Remus' arms, shaking with a mixture of fear and relief at arriving safely. 'Do you ever really look at a photo of your mum and dad?'

'Yeah...'

'Do you ever notice the way he looks at her sometimes?'

Teddy idly stirred his cooling hot chocolate and mentally contemplated the photograph that stood on his night table at school. 'Yeah,' he said cautiously. 'Like she's some sort of tasty morsel and he hasn't had chocolate in ages...' Teddy trailed off as the impact of his statement hit him. 'Oh, that's disgusting!' he cried, lifting his cup to his lips, swallowing the entire contents without stopping, as if it would erase the thought from his mind, gasping for breath when he set the cup down.

'How do you think you got here?' Harry retorted.

'I prefer to believe I was left by the stork,' Teddy said loftily. 'And Mum and Dad just held hands.'

'Well,' Harry said, settling into the windowsill. 'That's how I know.'

*****

'I've been thinking...' Sirius said, his slipper scuffing against the stone floor of the kitchen.

'Don't strain yourself,' Remus quipped lightly.

'I was thinking about the flat,' Sirius continued, as if Remus hadn't spoken.

'Oh?' Remus felt his heartbeat slow and pound painfully in his chest. His face prickled uncomfortably as the blood drained slowly from it, and he gripped the edge of the table tightly to keep from swaying.

'I was thinking that when I'm able to clear my name, I'll move out of here and get a place that's big enough for Harry and me. He'll need some space of his own to strew his dirty socks, and that old flat's awfully small for that. It'll reek of teenage boy in ten seconds.' Sirius shoved a scroll across the table to Remus. 'If you sign that, the old flat's yours, legally.'

'Oh...' Remus carefully unrolled the scroll and scrutinized it, nodding in agreement until he came to the last paragraph. 'You've what?' he yelped.

'There is more gold in my bloody vault than I could ever spend,' Sirius said patiently. 'Even if I gave half of it to Harry to fritter away on international standard racing brooms for the entire Gryffindor team until he finishes school. Pride is sometimes a virtue, Moony, but not when you have to starve because of it. Or go without decent clothes.' He fingered the cuff of Remus' jumper critically. 'You won't be able to keep repairing this much longer, will you? And I know you... If you let yourself allow things with Tonks to go any further, you won't want her to be the main breadwinner...'

'That's not going to happen,' Remus interrupted, a line deepening between his brows.

'So you say,' Sirius said smoothly. 'And even if that doesn't go anywhere, what if I'm not able to clear my name? I'll have to leave England once more, won't I? And Harry... Harry will need somewhere to go, and I know he's got his own money, but for Godric's sake, Remus, when he ends up leaving his aunt and uncle's house, if he doesn't have somewhere else to go, he'll wind up at the Burrow and Molly will mother him to death!'

'You make that sound like it's a rather awful fate,' Remus murmured. 'What if Harry wants mothering?'

'Either way, he'll still need somewhere where he can scratch, and belch, and...'

'And do other disgustingly male chest-pounding activities that he'd never dream of doing in front of Molly?' Remus guessed.

'Well, yes,' Sirius allowed, 'but where he can also get into a spot of trouble with Ginny...'

Remus choked on the tea he had just sipped, spewing it all over the parchment in front of him. 'Really? You think he's got some sort of crush on Ginny?'

'You weren't here much when Arthur was in the hospital at first,' Sirius said quietly. 'Harry spent most of his time hiding in his bedroom those first few days. Ginny was the only one who could get him to talk.' He glanced at Remus over the rim of his own cup. 'I may be a self-centered, egotistical, selfish git, but not when it comes to Harry. Mostly. Those Extendable Ears Fred and George developed are dead useful. ' When Remus glared at him incredulously, Sirius merely shrugged. 'It's not my fault they didn't charm the door... Anyway,' he added briskly, 'Ginny won't put up with any of his nonsense.'

'Neither will Hermione,' Remus interjected.

Sirius shook his head. 'Nah. With Ginny, it's more like equals. Hermione treats him like he's a daft younger sibling sometimes. It's almost like...' His mouth crimped and he shook himself. 'Well, then. Ought to get that paper signed, hadn't you? Before Kreacher slips something in my morning coffee one day and it all goes to Harry, who doesn't need it.'

'I'll take the flat, but not the gold,' Remus countered.

'Why not?' snapped Sirius.

Remus heaved a sigh. 'Because,' he began with exaggerated patience. 'It's charity.'

'Damn it, Remus!' Sirius exclaimed. 'Why won't you let me help you?'

A muscle in Remus' jaw jumped wildly. He ground his teeth together in frustration as Sirius' seeming inability to understand his refusals. But then he remembered the weeks when he barely had enough food, especially before Dumbledore tracked him down after Sirius had been imprisoned and Harry left with his Muggle relations, and began to send Hogwarts elves to him every so often with baskets of food. The daily fear that he'd shred one of the few clothing options available to him, with no way to replace it. The Hogwarts elves still brought the baskets of food, but since Umbridge had arrived at the school, it had grown increasingly sporadic, and he had needed to rely on what his odd tutoring jobs paid him to keep from starving. 'Very well,' he said tightly. 'But only for emergencies.'

'I'll go fetch a quill,' Sirius murmured. 'Or at least have Kreacher tell me where he's hidden them. He took all of the quills from my mother's old desk. I'll be back in a bit. I think he's up in the attic... Up there a lot lately.' He left the kitchen, leaving Remus alone with the parchment.

'Sirius?'

Remus jumped and peered around the kitchen, looking for the source of the new voice. It came from Harry's head inside the swirling flames of the fireplace.

'Harry!'

*****

18 April 1996

When I was teaching at Hogwarts, I rather suspected Severus still harbored a terrible resentment against James and Sirius that he then re-directed toward Harry. While I understand the incident in question might have been extremely embarrassing for Severus to have Harry see (and it was unfortunate that Harry felt the need to literally poke his very curious nose into someone else's business as he did) I feel I must challenge his decision to stop instructing Harry in Occlumency. If Voldemort can see what Harry does, so much of what we're doing is at risk. Of course, the question regarding Severus true loyalties do remain.

Just what has Harry seen, besides that one memory? When I spoke with Severus yesterday, he seemed to imply that this wasn't the first time Harry's breached his memories. Dear God, has he become so blinded by these old hatreds and resentments that he's willing to destroy what we're working to accomplish? I've sent a message to Kingsley. I hope he can somehow reach Dumbledore and talk some sense into Severus.

As for the flat... I'm grateful it's mine now. At least I can have roof over my head. And the Ministry cannot take it away from me. Before, my living arrangements were somewhat precarious, as I did not own it outright and Sirius was in no position to say I could stay there permanently, so they could have thrown me out. And legally, it's a gift, as much as I hate to take it like this, it's a gift and there are no laws regarding gifts to werewolves. There doesn't have to be... Because really, who would give a werewolf a gift?

I'd rather not think about the gold. I shall do as I told Sirius and keep it aside of emergencies. Only if I need it. And my definition of "need" is much different from Sirius'.

*****

'I will not continue to give the brat lessons!' Severus' sonorous voice rang through the kitchen, echoing off the stone floors. 'And you cannot force me to do so!' he added petulantly.

'No,' Kingsley said mildly. 'I cannot. But Dumbledore expressed to me his desire for you keep giving Harry lessons in Occlumency.'

'I only take orders from Dumbledore,' Severus spat. 'So until he orders me in person instead of by proxy,' he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, 'to continue to attempt to pound the finer points of mental control into Potter's extraordinarily thick skull, I shall pass.' He spun on his heel and flounced from the kitchen in a swirl of black hair and blacker robes.

A grating, splintering sound filled the void of sound and Remus looked down, surprised. Four parallel gouges marred the arm of his chair, and his fingernails had begun to thicken, and they dug into the wood with barely suppressed rage. 'Shite...' he breathed, looking wildly at his watch. The moon had risen and a faint beam bathed his hand. He had no time to return to his flat and the relative sanctuary of the heavily charmed room in the basement. He could feel his pulse begin to race and the blood pounded in his ears. Remus didn't feel the hand that clamped around his wrist, all but dragging him to the thick door that led to the basement of the house. Nor did he feel the hands that impassively divested him of his clothing, soon replaced by a warm, furry head, pushing against his hand... A hand that rapidly devolved into a hairy claw.

And then...

Nothing.

Nothing save an incomprehensible thirst to maim and rip. Something large shouldered him aside, and lowered its head, whining softly. Remus felt a growl rumble through his throat, and the black dog lowered his head to the floor, the piteous whine growing a bit louder, the pale eyes wide and pleading. Remus backed into a corner, hackles raised at the unfamiliar surroundings. It wasn't the usual room where he spent the nights of a full moon. This room was almost frigid. His breath clouded in front of his snout. The dog... Padfoot... whispered through his frenzied mind. Padfoot whimpered, showing deference to the wolf, who howled triumphantly, charging toward the dog. Remus stopped at the last moment, gazing down at the cowering dog, then pounced, as a hazy memory took over. He nipped at the dog with ferocious playfulness, somehow knowing the dog wasn't to be harmed. Padfoot fought back - not enough to hurt the wolf, but hardly the passive animal he'd presented earlier.

It was enough. It wasn't the wild freedom he knew when he was able to prowl around the moors and forests, but it was enough...

For now.

*****

Remus blinked at the unfamiliar ceiling above his face. One hand drifted up to the itchy woolen blanket draped over his naked body, and his face creased in bewilderment. 'What happened?' he asked hoarsely.

'You're a lot rougher now than you were when we were seventeen,' Sirius observed, leaning against the wall.

'How did I get here?' Remus clarified.

'That's not like you...' Sirius mused idly. 'You practically have the moon phases memorized for the next twenty years.'

Remus sat up stiffly, glaring at Sirius. 'I'm afraid I don't remember much past Snivellus repeatedly calling Harry a brat, refusing to continue lessons that might help the boy live to see his second decade, if we're lucky, and then storming out like an overgrown, sulky, adolescent bat.'

Sirius brows rose. 'You called him Snivellus...' he breathed in awe. 'You never call him that...'

'Yes, well... I'm not quite myself just now.' Remus paused and lifted the edge o the blanket, then set it back across his hips. 'Who undressed me?'

'Who do you think?' snorted Sirius. He slid to the packed dirt floor, wrapping his arms around his bent knees. 'It's not the first time I've seen your blindingly pale arse.'

'Y-y-you did?' Remus choked weakly.

Sirius' lips pursed and he stared at a spot on Remus' forehead. 'Does it bother you that I did it, or does it bother you that I did it, now that you know about... me...' Sirius chuckled in ironic, scathing laughter. 'I wouldn't have thought you'd be so bloody parochial, especially considering your... issues...'

'That's not what I meant!' Remus snarled, surging to his feet, the blanket slithering to the floor. He spied his neatly folded clothing on a high shelf and snatched at it, yanking his boxers over his feet and legs. 'You and James... and Peter...' he murmured. 'You were already in your Animagus forms when I... When I...' He jerked his shirt on his arms, a distant corner of his mind noting how frayed the cuffs were becoming. 'You never had to see it happen.'

Sirius shook his head. 'I didn't.' He pushed himself to his feet and tugged Remus' trousers from the shelf, holding them out. 'As soon as I got you undressed, so you didn't rip your clothes to shreds - although why you won't let me replenish your admittedly pathetic wardrobe is beyond me - and then I transformed. Before you really got going.'

'I see...'

'It was kind of nice,' Sirius said, flicking his wand at the blanket. It folded itself as it flew through the air, landing in his outstretched arms. 'Just like the old days. Well... sort of like the old days.' He blinked a few times. 'I wish...'

'As do I.'

*****

3 May 1996

It has been a long time since I forgot about the moon. I was startled by Severus' resolute insistence to cease to instruct Harry in Occlumency, but that shouldn't have rendered me blind and deaf to what was occurring within myself.

I know... I've always said publicly if Dumbledore trusts Severus, then so must we all. But why? What does Dumbledore know about him that hold such sway over Severus and his loyalties? Is he merely loyal to Dumbledore or is he loyal to the Order? Dumbledore does not put his trust into others lightly. But there's a small part of my mind that wonders if his trust is just a bit displaced. What do we offer Severus that the other side does not?

I do wonder, however, why would Severus deliberately disobey an order from Dumbledore...? Dumbledore is the only one Severus will listen to anymore. Unless Severus really is working for the other side, and this is part of a plan to weaken Harry...

Ahhhh. Stop it. I'm becoming as paranoid as Mad-Eye - seeing shadows that aren't there. That being said, I think I was completely justified in calling Severus "Snivellus". I always abhorred the name, felt it dehumanized Severus. But after his little performance last night, I felt no qualms at all in using it.

*****

Harry leaned back against the bathtub, sighing as he sank into the comforting hot water. He peered short-sightedly at Ginny, accepting the bottle of butterbeer she pressed into his hand before doffing her dressing gown and slipping into the bath with him. He let his head fall back against the rolled-up towel wedged between the bathtub and the wall, while his free hand splashed water over his face. Putting Teddy on the train to return to school was always a difficult day. The rush to London in the early morning, keeping the children occupied the rest of the day so they didn't complain over much about missing Teddy. The complaining there was nothing to do had been especially grating that afternoon. Even the promise of sundaes and a film after dinner hadn't been enough to break the ennui that had gripped the children as they rode in the car back to Godric's Hollow. -It is a long drive, Harry mused, sipping his butterbeer. He sympathized heartily with the boredom that had gripped James, Al, and Lily once the charms of the books and toys in their respective schoolbags had worn off less than an hour into the return trip.

'You're awfully quiet,' Ginny observed, settling her back against his chest.

'Is it terrible of me to be jealous of Teddy?'

'Depends,' Ginny responded, tilting her head back. 'In what way?'

'Well, for the ability to change his looks, for one,' Harry chuckled. 'Be nice to be able to go out sometimes and not have all sorts of people still stare at me. At least that's all they do is stare...'

Ginny snorted. 'Yeah, hi. You're an Auror. Figure out how to disguise yourself, if you want to do that.'

'Yeah...' Harry sighed regretfully. 'It would make it awfully hard to explain why you're with someone else, wouldn't it?'

'Just a bit.'

'It's because he knows his father better than I do mine. Better than I ever will. He even knows Sirius better than I do,' Harry said, with more than a hint of bitterness. 'It's completely ridiculous,' he muttered. 'I'm thirty-two, for Merlin's sake, and I'm bloody envious of my fourteen year-old godson.'

'But you actually knew Remus,' Ginny pointed out.

'Did we?' Harry asked, sitting up and sending a wavelet of water over the edge of bathtub to splash to the tiled floor. 'Did we really know Remus or Sirius, for that matter?'

Twisting around, Ginny gazed at Harry in bemusement. 'What's gotten into you?'

'Did you know Sirius was gay?' Harry hissed.

'Sort of,' Ginny admitted.

Harry felt his jaw drop open. 'How did you know?' he demanded.

Ginny scooted so she faced Harry, and pried the butterbeer bottle from his hand, reaching over the edge of the tub to set it on the floor. 'The summer we stayed there, before my fourth year,' she began, 'I found his old bedroom and Sirius saw me in there, goggling at all the Muggle posters on the wall. And instead of being embarrassed that I found a treasure trove of bikini-clad women, he starts enthusiastically talking about the motorbikes. Like the women didn't even exist. I've really just had suspicions, but nothing concrete. How did you find out?'

'Remus wrote about Sirius and his relationship with your uncle before he died.'

'Which one?'

'Gideon.'

'Ah...' Ginny nibbled a fingernail. 'Explains why he never married. Bet that sent Mum into a tizzy when she found out about it. She always thought Sirius was too flighty and impulsive for his own good. Must have driven her mad to think of one of her precious brothers being under Sirius' bad influence...'

'He should have said something,' Harry stubbornly maintained.

'Wasn't exactly the best time, was it?' Ginny asked. 'The war going on and all. There were loads of other things to deal with at the time and I'm sure Sirius sitting down and having a deep discussion about his sexuality was not high up on his list of things to do. Maybe he wanted to wait until things were settled.' Ginny shrugged. 'Who knows?' She handed Harry his butterbeer and waited while he took a long pull on the bottle. 'Does it change the way you feel about Sirius?'

Harry picked contemplatively at the label. 'I suppose not...'