The Obsession with Duck-Duck-Goose

"Sirius, for the last time, we don't want to play Duck-Duck-Goose!" Lily exclaimed.

"But why not?" Sirius whined.

"How about because I've already exceeded the amount of times I allow myself to slap you today?" Remus said sourly.

"You know, I think I have to side with Moony on that one," James sighed.

"I think we have to get out of this stupid room!" Peter exclaimed.

"Agreed," Lily, James, and Remus said as one.

"But why?" Sirius asked. "We can still play Duck-Duck-Goose. Don't you want to play Duck-Duck-Goose?"

"NO!"

"I'm hungry."

"SHUT UP!"

"Please. Someone help me," Remus muttered.

"Help you? Why do you need help, Moony, my friend?" Sirius asked.

"Save me!" Remus cried to the ceiling.

"Save you from what, Moony? The rabid squirrels?"

"Yes," Remus said sarcastically.

"I don't see any rabid squirrels."

"I need to be saved from you, Sirius!"

"You mean," Sirius said in shock, "I'm a rabid squirrel?"

"Minus the squirrel part," James snapped. "Shut up, Padfoot!"

"Or else!" Lily shouted.

"Or else we will end up playing Kill-the-Idiot!" Peter squealed angrily.

"But I want to play - "

"Sirius," Remus said. "I am giving you until the count of three to run. And when I say run, I mean run for your life."

"I'm just saying..."

"One..."

"... that I want to play..."

"Two..."

"... Duck-Duck-Goose!"

"Three!" Remus said. "You asked for it, Sirius!" Just before Remus jumped on Sirius, Lily whistled.

"HOLD IT!"

Sirius and Remus froze. Everyone's eyes drifted to Lily. You could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears.

"Sirius," she said, seething, "if we agree to play Duck-Duck-Goose - "

"WHAT?????" James and Peter cried.

"TRAITOR!" Remus roared.

" - will you promise to shut up?"

Sirius appeared to think for a moment. "For a little while," he finally said.

"Then I don't believe I'm saying this, but let's play Duck-Duck-Goose," Lily sighed.

"WOHOO!!!!!!" Sirius cried, above his friends' groans. At Lily's command they all sat in a circle. Sirius started to walk around the circle, tapping people's heads. "Duck, Duck, Duck..."

Ten minutes later

"Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck - " Sirius continued.

"FOR THE LOVE OF QUIDDITCH, PICK SOMEBODY!!!" Remus shouted.

"Duck, Duck..."

"Sirius, you'd better pick someone or I'll - " James started.

"Goose!" Sirius interrupted, tapping James's head. James, startled, got up and started to chase Sirius. Reaching his long Chaser arms out, James just barely missed as Sirius skidded free.

"Someday I'm going to get you, Padfoot," James snarled. "I swear on Merlin's grave I will."

"That's the game," Sirius grinned.

"I hate you," James said. "Duck, duck, DUCK," James pressed on Sirius's head as hard as he could, "duck, duck, goose!" James said, tapping Remus. Remus jumped up and started chasing James. James, amazed by how fast his friend could run, doubled around and hid behind Peter.

"PRONGS! Get off - OW! Remus, don't - HEY!" Peter rubbed his stomach and glared at James, who now sat smugly in Remus's spot.

"Ha, Moony," he scoffed.

"Oh, I'll get you, Prongs... you just wait..." Remus said, starting to walk around. "Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck... GOOSE!" This time it was Lily who jumped up.

"You die, Remus!" she cried.

"I don't think so, Lils!" Remus said. He just barely sat down as Lily caught up with him.

Lily grumbled something along the lines of "You filthy stinking cheater," and started out around the circle. "Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck... duck... duck, duck... GOOSE!" Peter got up and started to run after Lily. His fingers grazed her hair, and he grabbed on. Lily screamed. Remus, Sirius, and James watched in amazement as Lily proceeded to forget the game and beat Peter to pulp.

"Break it up, break it up!" Remus screamed. "No more Duck-Duck-Goose! And they call this a children's game..."

"Not for people under sixteen and definitely not for people named Sirius," James said.

"WHAAAAAT??? Duck-Duck-Goose is a great game!" Sirius cried.

"But it's the kind of game that requires some kind of self-control, therefore it's also the kind of game with a little sticker on it that says, 'CAUTION: Not for people named Sirius Black,'" Remus said sourly. "Now Lily, get off poor little Peter. I think you're killing him."

"That's - the - point," Lily said, pulling Peter's hair to see how much he liked it.

"But that's not very nice, Lily," Sirius scolded, shaking his finger for emphasis.

"I - don't - care," Lily gasped. James pulled her off him.

"Now Lily," James said in a parent-like tone. "What have we talked about? Not beating up Pete because he pulled your hair? Hmm?"

"It's not how a Head Girl should behave," Lily muttered miserably.

"Thank you, Prongs," Peter said, getting up and testing his (extreme) weight gingerly. "Thank you."

"Now what do you say?" James instructed Lily.

"Sorry, Peter," Lily chorused.

"Right..." Peter said, rubbing his head. "Sorry."

"Mmm... no more Duck-Duck-Goose," Lily groaned.

"But - but - " Sirius said desperately.

"No," Remus said.

"Then what are we supposed to - " Sirius was interrupted as the door swung open.

"SNAPE!" Lily cried. "My worst enemy! I've never been so glad to see you since - ever! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Evans?" Severus Snape said, eyeing her strangely.

"I think what she means is," Sirius said, "she'll love you forever if you don't close the - "

Suddenly there was a breeze outside the room. Since the door opened outwards and Snape was now fully inside the room, the door closed with a click.

" - door," Sirius ended, his voice sinking.

"It's locked from the outside," James said. "Which means that we're now not only stuck in a room with Sirius, but stuck in a room with Sirius and SNAPE."

There was silence for a moment as the Gryffindors stared at one another.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"