The Real World: Hogwarts!

This is the true story (true story) of seven strangers (well, not exactly strangers) picked to live in a house. Work together, and have their lives taped. To find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World: Hogwarts!

The six are still at the Muggle club, by the name of Club Volcano (Volcano for short). Hermione is in a snogging session with Draco, much to the dismay of Ronniekins. Yes, all are still intoxicated. It only just hits them that there's supposed to be one more housemate.

Ron: Bloody hell! What are you doing, Hermione??

Hermione: Dancing and snogging Draco, what's it look like?

Ron: Well stop it! You're grossing me out.

Hermione: Would you like to start snogging me now, Ron?

Ron: Well, I would, I guess...

Hermione: Too bad! I'm snogging Draco again, muhahaha...

Harry: Is it that serious, Hermione?

Hermione: (Not answering, as her lips are still busy kissing Draco).

Ron: Hey Harry, wasn't there supposed to the one more person coming? There are only six of us.

Harry: I guess so...who'd you reckon it is?

Neville: They're missing a kick arse party, whoever they are!

Draco (coming up for air momentarily): Oy, Potter! Come over here, we're inviting you into our snogfest. Well, she's inviting you; I'm only consenting.

Harry (shrugging): All right, I'm in.

Ron: Bloody hell Harry! You're not seriously gonna do what I think you're gonna do are you?

Harry: Lighten up, mate! Are you getting sober or something? We're here to have fun! It's a party!

Ron: I'm no so drunk that I'm going to snog that disgusting little ferret who's competing with Percy to be the world's biggest prat.

Harry: Fine. I'll be over here snogging these two.

Harry makes his way over to Hermione and Draco and begins snogging both of them in turn. Harry seems to be having more fun snogging Draco, while Draco looks a little more comfortable with Hermione. The last of the music and crowd dies away and the group of six head back to the house to sober up and go to bed. The next morning, stories and rumors about the previous night are shared around the kitchen table, and Luna Lovegood, their seventh housemate, arrives. A day late, yes, but with a valid excuse!

Luna: I'm sorry I couldn't get here any sooner, I sort of had transportation and packing issues. Sounds like I missed a party last night though!

Harry: You sure did, Luna. (Rubbing his throbbing temple) Of course, you would've been plagued this morning with a pounding headache...does anyone have any Aspirin?

Ron: Any what, sorry?

Hermione: As-pir-in, Ron. They're pills, it's a Muggle medicine; good for a headache. Honestly, you really can be quite thick sometimes. I think there's some in this cabinet, Harry...

Ron: If you say 'honestly' one more time Hermione, I swear, I'll put a hex on you right here in this kitchen.

Hermione (smirking): Honestly, honestly, honestly!

Ron (pulling out his wand again): I warned you, Hermione!

Luna: Ronald, don't! She was only joking, weren't you Hermione?

Hermione: Of course I was Ron, honestly...

Ron (pointing his wand at Hermione): Tarantallegra!

Harry: What the hell is wrong with you, Ron?? (Pointing his wand at Hermione's wildly dancing legs) Finite!

Ron: I told her! She just had to go and say 'honestly' again in that annoying little voice she has, always trying to wind someone up, always trying to test my nerves...

Ginny: Oh stop bitching Ron; you've been in love with her ever since your second year.

Ron (his ears turning red): That's not true!

Draco (smirking, as usual): Doesn't look like you're so sure, Weasley. Your ears are turning red as tomatoes.

Ron: You shut up, you slimly little git!

Harry: Ron, I think you need a time out.

Ron: I don't need a time out! What am I, three?

Ginny: You're sure as hell acting like it.

Ron (stomping his way upstairs): Aaarrgghh! Fine, fine, I'm going upstairs to my room! And don't any of you follow me; I don't want to see any of you!

Hermione: What's his problem?

Harry: You and Malfoy snogging; it's got to be. When's he ever been satisfied with a guy you're with?

Draco: He's such a prat.

Hermione: He's not a prat, Dracikins! Ewww, I sound like Pansy...

Ginny (chuckling): You sure do.

Ron (in the confessional): Hermione said 'honestly' for the last God damn time. They piss me off, the lot of them. Hermione never ceases to make me jealous with these endless boys of hers. First it was Viktor, now it's Malfoy; our sworn Slytherin enemy. If she starts shagging him I think I might go insane. I just...I just don't think anyone will understand how I feel about her...especially not her. I dunno how I'm supposed to tell her. I've shown signs of course, what with all the arguments I start about her and her boyfriends. She's such a, a...scarlet woman!

Harry (opening the confessional door): You're so funny Ron.

Neville (chuckling): You are.

Ron: Oh shut up, Neville.

Neville: Didn't mean to upset you any more mate. Come on, we're going out for breakfast.

Ron: I'm not going.

Harry (going over to Ron and grabbing him by the arm): Yes you are! Come on, you should at least try to enjoy yourself while you're here.

Ron: Look, you all can enjoy yourselves and go have breakfast with those prats down there. I, however, will eat here...if I feel like eating.

Harry: Damnit Ron, how depressed are you? Come on! You're coming with us and that's final!

Ron: All right, all right, don't wet your pants, I'm coming.

Ron joins Harry and the group of seven walks to The Three Broomsticks for breakfast in the nearby Hogsmeade Village. Pumpkin juice is purchased with their breakfast, and they make plans for the approaching evening. They plan to go to the same Club Volcano; all are excited to have another night on the town, but Ron doesn't sound up to it.

Ron: Honestly, I don't see why we have to go there again tonight. Can't we wait 'til next weekend?

Hermione: Why should we? And look who's using 'honestly' now! I should hex you.

Ron: Am I annoying you, Hermione? Good.

Harry: Ron.

Ron: What? She started it.

Harry: Well end it.

Ron: It's not my fault we have to go to that stupid club again.

Harry: You just don't want to see Hermione snog Malfoy again.

Hermione (smiling): Don't worry Ron, I can snog you too. And call him Draco, will you? Referring to him as 'Malfoy' is just so...cruel.

Ron: We've called him Malfoy since we were eleven.

Hermione: So? We're going to be living with him for the next seven months...and I'll be kissing him for the next seven months too. So there.

Harry: Yeah, I will be too.

Ron: Gaahhh, stop Harry, you're making me get a visual of that.

Harry (half-laughing): You saw me kissing him at the club, what's the problem?

Luna (smiling and in a dreamy voice): Well I'd like to have a go at snogging Draco.

Neville: Yeah, I would too.

Draco (sounding annoyed): Excuse me, I'd like to know why everyone is talking about me like I'm not here. And don't even think about snogging me, Longbottom.

Ron: Bloody hell Neville, not you too!

Harry: Leave him alone, Ron. He, unlike you, is having fun.

Neville: Yeah, Ron.

Ron: Shut up Neville!

Harry: You definitely need a time out.

Ron: I do not need a time out! Merlin's beard, I'm not a little kid! Why don't you just stop talking to me and leave me alone, maybe that might help.

Harry (whispering to Hermione): You're gonna have to snog him. It's the only way he'll snap out of it.

Ginny: And I say again, Ron; you're sure as hell acting like you're a little kid.

Ron: I resent that!

Hermione: Look, can we go back home now? We'll...we can watch a DVD.

Ron: A what, sorry?

Harry: Do I have to explain every Muggle thing to you? Oh no, that's right, I share that responsibility with Hermione. Anyway, it's a disc you can play a movie on.

Ron: A what??

Draco: Damnit, Weasley! You're annoying the hell out of me, you know that right?

Ron: Good, you deserve to be annoyed you stupid great prat! You deserve a lot more!

Ginny: Yep, he definitely needs a time out. Are you all done eating?

The group goes back to the house to watch "Shrek 2" to try to lift Ron's spirits a little, which proves to be ineffective. After putting on a bunch of Disney movies, such as "The Little Mermaid" (Ron absolutely had a fit), "Aladdin," "The Hunchback of Notre Dame," and "The Lion King," they gave up and let Ron have some private time.

Next time, on The Real World: Hogwarts...

Ron: Do I have to do this?

Draco: Yeah, does he have to do this?

Hermione: If you want to snog me, you have to show some respect for Draco and snog him too.

Ron: There are other ways to show respect!

Hermione (smirking): Not when you're drunk there aren't.

Don't miss it!