Rating:
PG-13
House:
Riddikulus
Characters:
Draco Malfoy Ginny Weasley Tom Riddle
Genres:
Humor Horror
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 04/09/2004
Updated: 05/30/2004
Words: 5,568
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,063

Violence, Voices, and Blood...Who's Bringing The Chips?

Lady_D

Story Summary:
OH MY GOD, SOMEBODY KILLED COLIN! And so our tale begins. A horrible murder has occurred at our beloved Hogwarts, and Fudge is a bungling idiot. Oh, and did I mention Dumbledore has experienced S.M.E.F.? If you want to know what smef means you're going to have to read my delightfully funny murder story.

Violence, Voices, and Blood...Who's Bringing the Chips? 01

Chapter Summary:
OH MY GOD, SOMEBODY KILLED COLIN! And so our tale begins. A horrible murder has occurred at our beloved Hogwarts, and Fudge is a bungling idiot. Oh, and did I mention Dumbldore has experienced S.M.E.F.? If you want to know what smef means you're going to have to read my delightfully funny murder story.
Posted:
04/09/2004
Hits:
726
Author's Note:
Well, you've decided to step inside, good for you. S.M.E.F means spontaneous massive existance failure. (read Douglas Adams). This is a brand spanking new version of a story I wrote and posted in Dark Arts. That was when i was new and actually thought I could right a serious fic. And a few months later I stand before you wiser. Any way hope you enjoy.

Colin Creevey was walking very quickly back to the Gryffindor common room, his solitary foot steps echoing off the stone walls. He had just finished up a very long night of cataloging all of Harry's pictures in his "Special Place," a broom closet he used as a darkroom. It was very dark in the hallway, and Colin was petrified with the thought of running into Filch or his dread assistant, Mrs. Norris.

He quickened his pace, stroking his camera. "It's alright my precious," he gently whispered to his magical camera. Colin was almost to the common room when he heard the terrified shriek of a girl coming from the direction he had just come. The painful sound sent shivers up his back. As scared as he was, Colin was still a Gryffindor, and without a second thought, he rushed toward the sound.

What he saw when he turned the corner was worse than anything his imagination could have possibly produced. Before him lay a horribly disfigured body in a Slytherin uniform. He could tell it had been a girl, but that was only because of the tattered remains of a skirt. A few feet away from the body glittered a green and sliver prefects' badge. But that wasn't the worst of it. A few feet ahead of him a hooded specter was whistling a happy tune as they were mopping up the blood through out the hallway. Despite the dark color of the cloak, Colin could still see blood dripping from its tattered corners. A bloody axe had been casually laid against the wall near the figure. Before another thought entered his mind, Colin took a quick shot of the scene with his handy-dandy camera. The hooded figure reacted instantly and before Colin could do a thing, they had grabbed the axe and cut off his arm. The pain was like an electrifying shock that rippled through out his body. The camera dropped to the floor as he fell to his knees right next to his severed limb. Petrified, Colin lay still as he looked into the hooded face of his killer. The thought of using his wand had never occurred to him. Another swing of the axe and Colin fell on his back. Now the pain was throbbing through him like a drum. As he turned and looked up at the figure over him, he caught a glimpse of their face, "You! Why?" Those were his last words as the axe came down on his head and everything went black...

Colin's head rolled away from his body as the figure laid down her axe. She casually bent down, picked up the camera, and removed the film. She shoved it down into her worn cloak's pocket and went back to mopping up the pure blood. Just as soon as she went back to mopping, the voice came back to her.

Now, was that as hard as you thought it was going to be? And look! You got us an extra.

"It was just a Muggle born," the girl replied.

Too bad. We'll need a lot more than this.

"I know, but don't worry," the girl said, still in shock over what she had done. "I could probably do that again."

**

The dark Slytherin common room was alive with the voices of terrified students. Everyone was in an uproar over what had happened.

"Poor Pug, the girl was a bitch but she wasn't that deserving of a blood draining," Blaise Zabini commented.

"Perhaps this is the work of the Dark Lord," suggested Montago.

"But why would he kill Pansy? She was just as Pure as the rest of us," Millicent Bulstrode replied over her schoolwork. Not in the least bit concerned that her schoolmate had lain dead in a broom closet for several hours.

"Hey D, who do you think offed her?" Blaise asked. A group of students joined him in questioning. They were all sure that Draco's father would have filled him in if this was some Dark Plan.

Draco was sitting in a large leather chair next to the fire. He had been pondering this all day. Unlike most of his peers, the fact that Pansy was dead didn't phase him at all. In fact, if you asked him point blank, he might have smiled, chuckled even. Draco had never liked Pansy; she was just so damn annoying. Not to mention, she had owned a face that a horse would have been ashamed of. The fact was; someone in this school had the gall to kill a pureblood. For the first time in his entire life, he was in some type of peril. Draco had always been more proud of his Pureblood heritage than Pansy had, and quite frankly, he was not happy about possibly being in danger because of it. He was used to being the one who caused the peril, or at least was one of the people in on it. All day, he had been reading and rereading the Prophet over and over, yet it let out nothing of importance. Figures, Draco thought, why do people even read this trash? He looked over the paper to see his classmates, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle looking down at him, as if he was the one person alive who would tell them everything would be all right. In all actuality that was probably true, Draco had always been the brains for those two and they in turn were his muscles. A good commodity when you're the sarcastic Prince of Slytherin.

"Uh... Draco?" Crabbe asked, waking Draco from his stupor. You have to tell them something Draco, anything will do, he told himself. He knew what the Slytherins wanted, someone to tell them Pansy was a traitor, and that they wouldn't be harmed. Draco merrily said what he had said before, "I'll ask my father if he knows what's going on." Without a look at his fellow classmates, he turned back to the front page of the Daily Prophet.

Murder at Hogwarts

Yesterday, an awful tragedy occurred at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The school was witness to the deaths of two students: Slytherin sixth-year, Pansy Parkinson and Gryffindor fifth-year, Colin Creevey. The students were found dead this morning shoved into a broom closet on the fourth floor. Young Creevey was found decapitated and Miss Parkinson was so terribly disfigured, that Madam Pomfrey, the school Head Nurse, didn't discover her identity until several hours after the discovery of the bodies. The pair were found by Rose Zeller, Hufflepuff third year, when she was sent to go get something from the closet.

Unfortunately, the identity of the murderer is still unknown. Lucky for investigators, there is one major clue: Miss Parkinson was found lacking almost entirely in blood, while Mister Creevey was covered completely in gore. According to the Auror in charge Kingsley Shacklebolt, the blood is a tip off that the murderer is interested in those of Pureblood. He also speculated that all Purebloods at Hogwarts are still in danger. The killer left no clues, as he magicked the area spotless before leaving. "It must have been the work of an expert, but rest assured, your children will be protected at all costs. We at the Ministry are sure to find him. You may also take comfort in the fact that while I am running this school the likes of this will never happen again," was quoted today from Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, who even now has taken over as Headmaster of Hogwarts, due to another disappearance by Albus Dumbledore (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. Of Wizards).

The paper went on to list Fudge's "accomplishments", but no more was mentioned about the killer. Although Draco did note there was an exceptionally nasty picture of the two mangled bodies being removed from the closet. Oh, and a sappy bit of brown nosing by none other than Percy Weasley.

***


Hmm, an interesting Weasley, what am I to do with you? I see loads of courage, that's a given, very intelligent, but they don't really notice that. Ah what a devious little thing you are...yes I think Sly...

Please, not Slytherin, I'll never be able to look my family in the face again.

Are you sure? Your skills would be appreciated, you could finally get the recognition you desire...

No not Slytherin.

Very well better put you in "GRYFFINDOR!"...you could have been great...

"

Oh Virginia, I had no idea you were keeping this locked away up here..."

"Tom?" Ginny sat up in bed, the sweat beaded on her forehead. It had been four years since her trip to the Chamber of Secrets, her first year, however sometimes the nightmares of that year came back to haunt her.

Ginny slipped on her robe and tip toed out of bed. Making sure not to make much noise as she felt along the stone corridor to the common room. The fire hadn't completely died yet, and it cast a ominous red glow on the walls. Ginny sat down on one of the large red couches and waited for her heart to start beating at a normal speed again.

Ginny had finally started to relax and was about to slip into sleep when a bump in the corner of the room sent her off the couch, wand out pointed toward the corner where the sound had come from.

"Lumos," she whispered and the tip of her wand lit and she pointed it toward what looked like an miss-matched pile of yarn, with two oddly shaped ears poking out of it.

"Please don't shoot Dobby," the pile of yarn wimpered. Ginny, now once again nicely terrified, lowered her wand and slowly sat back down on the couch. It was only one of the House Elves picking up Hermione's clothes. Hermione's clothes?... Ginny thought.

"Uh, Dobby is it? Don't worry, you can come out, I'm not going to hex you," Ginny said as softly as she could. The House Elf came out of the shadows and tried to bow to her but ended up tripping on one of the socks and falling flat on his face.

"Dobby is very sorry for disturbing miss, Dobby has been quite clumsy lately. Ginny looked down at the mass of yarn with the sparkling green eyes, she knew she shouldn't ask, but Ginny was never good at taking her own advice. "Pardon me, but why are you carrying all of the things Hermione has made for all of you?"

"Dobby is all alone in here, but Dobby doesn't like to complain Miss. No, Dobby will be quiet now," the little House Elf said as a sock slid off his shoulder.

But Ginny wasn't to be satisfied with an answer like that. "Why are you all alone up here, where are all the other House Elves?"

"They won't come up here anymore Miss. No, they is scared they will be accidentally set free grabbing one of these pieces of clothing. So Dobby must come up here all alone and clean up the tower," Dobby said, trying very hard to hide the sound of frustration in his voice.

" Far be it for me to pry Dobby," Ginny said feeling a little sorry for the poor creature, "but have you tried talking to Hermione about it?" The second it came of her mouth Ginny regretted saying it.

At the sound of Hermione's name the poor House Elf broke down. "DOBBY HAS TRIED MISS!" the House Elf screeched. Ginny quickly jerked her head toward the entrances to the dorms hoping nobody would come out.

"Dobby, I'm sorry," Ginny said softly. "Here, let me help you with some of this." However Dobby was having none of it, the poor Elf was having an official brake down.

"DOBBY HAS TRIED," he sobbed in his high pitched voice. "Dobby didn't want to do it miss, but Dobby was desperate, Miss, desperate. Dobby asked her, Dobby asked Miss Granger to stop, but she said...she said...." Dobby took a deep breath trying hard not to let anything else out, but there is only so much a little House Elf can take before he finally snaps and Dobby had reached his breaking point about twenty pairs of socks ago.

Ginny knew she shouldn't, she knew it, however curiosity was a curse of hers, and it just, kind of slipped out. "Well, what did Hermione say?" Ginny said.

That did it, if Ginny had looked carefully enough at his eye she could have spotted the exact spot where he snapped. "SHE SAID DOBBY LIES, SHE SAID DOBBY WAS A SELFISH ELF FOR KEEPING HER HATS AWAY FORM THE OTHER HOUSE ELVES AND THAT IT WAS WRONG FOR DOBBY TO KEEP FREEDOM FOR HIMSELF," the poor creature had gone horse screaming and Ginny wouldn't have been surprised if the entire school had heard that and came running. Surprisingly there was no more screaming coming from the Elf. The creature had flung himself on the floor and was now crying bitterly. Ginny slowly got up and seated herself on the floor next to him feeling slightly guilty for bringing it up. She allowed the creature to put his head in her lap and let him cry. They stayed like that for an hour before Ginny fell asleep.

When Dobby saw the girl was asleep he got up and finished up his work and left. But not before using his magic to put her on the couch and drape a blanket over her. In Dobby's life there had been two other humans who had treated him like an equal, he wouldn't be forgetting her kindness soon.

***


The death of Colin Creevey spread through the school like wild fire. However, Pansy's death was mourned by few, and most of them were Slytherins.

"So, who do you think did it?" Hermione asked not looking up from her Transfiguration book. Harry wasn't paying attention, he was completely absorbed in the paper looking for any word on the Order. Although he was feeling guilty about Colin, the kid had always freaked him out a little. It was almost like the guy was stalking me, taking pictures. Harry dismissed the thought as he picked up an apple.

"What was that?" Harry asked when he realized Hermione had asked him something.

"Huh? Oh, nothing."

A few minutes later, Parvati and Lavender came and sat down at the table as quietly as possible, both looking at Harry like he would spontaneously explode and take everybody else with him.

"What now?" Harry sighed looking at them. They both looked quite pale, and were glancing down at their plates, not saying a word. A moment later, Ginny and Ron came staggering in, covered in mud.

Harry gave them a forlorn glance, wishing he was the one just now coming in before he went back to the paper. When Fudge had been made Headmaster after Headmaster Dumbledore had disappeared again, he had brought back in many of Umbridge's Educational Decrees. So, Harry was no longer on the Quidditch team (again), and Ginny was filling in for him (again). He then noticed that Pansy and Lavender were still staring at him like he was going to take off his skin and turn out to be an alien brain sucker from the planet Saturn. Not to mention, while they were staring at him, they were nervously whispering to each other. Oh no, not again, he groaned as he remembered last year and Cerdic's death the year before that.

"Alicia has a mean streak a mild wide," Ron said, sitting down and scooping everything in reach onto his plate.

"So are the owners of House Elves; at least you volunteered," Hermione said, looking up from her book for the first time. Ever since she had met Kreacher last year she had been adamantly proclaiming her organization S.P.E.W which now had a whopping number of five members since Neville and Luna joined up. She was watching Ron with a distasteful look as he sat scooping everything on his plate into his gaping maw. Ginny dodged the debris, rolling her eyes at Hermione as she helped herself to an orange.

"Oh get off it Herm, this is getting ridiculous," Ron said through a bit of food.

Hermione shut the book, slammed it down, took out her knitting kit, and started making some more elf, sized hats. She looked back up at Ron with a superior look then went back to her work.

Meanwhile, Harry had been having a bitter stare down between Parvati and Lavender and had lost bitterly. "This is just my life," Harry said sarcastically as he grabbed his books and left. As soon as he was gone, Parvati and Lavender began to start whispering to each other again.

"Can someone please pass the toast?" Ginny asked quietly. ***


Author notes: Hello all! Chocolate Muse here, the co-author who got no billing, how fun! Anywho, how did you like our fic? I also get the fun of nitpicking the fic over, and over, and over again. Yes, I do have a life :) Please review