Be All My Secrets Remembered

Interlude: Aftermath

1 November 1981

He had fallen asleep, albeit somewhat more soundly than usual, and things had been normal, at least as normal as they ever were. But then, he had awakened at two in the morning to the sound of someone banging on the door of his flat.

The Dark Lord had been defeated, at least temporarily.

It was only halfway into a bottle of celebratory champagne that Remus Lupin was informed of the deaths of Lily and James Potter.

For several seconds, he could not speak. Too much was whirling madly within his head, thoughts of Fidelius Charms and Secret-Keepers and...

No. It isn’t possible.

The very thought of James--of Prongs, indestructible, bloody Prongs being dead--was enough without that small, nagging doubt within that wondered how Voldemort had managed to find them. Remus had barely heard the rest of the story, of how Voldemort’s attempt to kill Harry Potter had backfired upon him.

The next morning, the Daily Prophet proclaimed headlines of Sirius Black’s arrest. Barely days later, the columns told of his deportation to Azkaban Prison. And then, after a week or so, the more notorious of the Death Eaters followed him, including Black’s cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange and her husband. Remus had not wanted to believe it--

I just wanted someone to tell me I was wrong. That he *wasn’t* guilty. That all my paranoia and fear had been for nothing. I didn’t need to be right all the time, no matter what Padfoot said. I didn’t *want* to be right this time.

--but surely, hundreds of eyewitnesses could not have been wrong. James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were dead, either directly or indirectly by the hand of Sirius Black. And he, Remus Lupin, was the only one left. He, the mainstay of what had once been the closest group of friends he could have imagined.

James, the pinnacle. The one with everything--talent, brains, looks, love--poised after seventh year to take over the world if he had so chosen. Remus had seen the body before it was interred in Highgate Cemetery, and had half-expected James to start up and exclaim disgustedly that he felt overdressed. He’d always hated wearing dress robes and he’d have to wear them for the rest of eternity. He hadn’t looked like himself.

(Ashes to ashes, dust to dust)

Then there was Sirius. Somehow, it hurt even more than the news of James. Had he been jealous, then? Jealous of what James had, what he, Sirius, had so wilfully thrown away?

You could have had it all, Padfoot. It was your own folly that ruined your chances. I thought you’d accepted that. But no---you would never have accepted that. You always thought you deserved better.

Twenty members of Magical Law Enforcement had come to take Sirius away, but he hadn’t resisted. Just stood there and let them do it. That was unlike him. The Sirius he knew would have charmed them, argued, cajoled, and finally fought tooth and nail before letting them take him to Azkaban. But he apparently hadn’t known Sirius at all, had he?

(The next time you want to kill someone, Black, at least have the decency to do it yourself.)

No. No, he had known. He’d just wilfully shoved his own words into the back vaults of memory, forgotten as his friends had asked him to do. Remus could have laughed at the irony of it all, that Sirius had taken his bloody advice in the end.

Padfoot, how could you have done it? They were your best friends--*our* best friends. All of them. Even Lily. You were closer to her than I was, perhaps in a way even closer to her than James was. How could you have killed her?

And the baby. Little Harry, who had been godson to the three of them, for all that Sirius was the only one made official. Only Sirius had been invited--for reasons of secrecy, of course--and Remus and Peter had waited back at Peter’s flat. It had been a relief, to speak truth. He hadn’t wanted to see Sirius, had confessed. And Peter, in his softly nervous way, had agreed that it was the right thing to do. “You know how Padfoot is. You remember what he did in sixth year. He’s careless, Moony, because he can afford to be. None of us can afford that.”

And so he’d stayed away, avoided Sirius with surprising ease, before leaving for Siberia on Order business. By the time he returned, everyone had settled into a brittle sort of normality, and rumour hinted of a spy in the Order’s ranks.

I should have been there. Why wasn’t I there?

He knew why he hadn’t been there. Because Sirius had been Secret-Keeper, not him. Brilliant, charming, reckless, thoughtless Sirius. Sirius, who had barely spoken a word to him after that snow-bright day in January when the air still echoed with screamed accusations. “He’s not in his right mind, Moony,” Peter had said. “He’ll come round. Just wait.”

But Peter had been wrong. Apparently they had all been wrong.

Sirius had laughed after he blasted Peter to bits. Or so the witnesses claimed. Remus could almost hear it now, sharp and not unlike the bark of his Animagus form. And even so, every recollection of Sirius laughing was accompanied by Sirius smiling, that irrepressible grin that nobody could resist, not James, not Lily, not even Peter--

We never really thought of you, did we, Peter? Perhaps we should have, before the end.

And so it was that, while the wizarding world celebrated the fall of Lord Voldemort, Remus Lupin raised his glass to his final victims.

All of them.

Chapter Five: The Tangled Webs of...Friendship?

August 1976

"Rose, why did Lily ask us to meet her here? If she was taking the train back from Cannes, surely it would have been easier to pick her up at the station." Andrew Evans peered down the slightly crooked street, one hand shielding his eyes from the late-afternoon sun.

His wife, Rose, from whom Lily had inherited her rather glorious red hair, shrugged delicately. "Maybe they drove to Cannes. She did say she was going with friends. In the meantime, why don't we be polite and introduce ourselves to the Gaspards? After all, they did allow Lily to stay with them all summer."

With one last glance at the street, Andrew followed her. "I do hope she gets here soon, seeing as I told Petunia we'd be back at the Champs-Elysées to pick her up by five."

"Oh come now, Andrew. We needn't leave tonight, surely," Rose suggested. "Besides, it might be nice to stay the night and leave when we're a bit fresher."

"Rose, I'm due in at work tomorrow afternoon," her husband pointed out.

She sighed. "Very well. We'll leave as soon as Lily gets here." And with that, she knocked on the door. When it opened to reveal a well-dressed woman who looked to be in her mid-forties, Rose smiled. "Madame Gaspard?"

"Ah, you must be Lily's parents. Do come in." She stepped back as though to allow them in. "Lily telephoned early this morning to say they were leaving, so she should be here quite soon. Though I don't think she was expecting you till tomorrow..." she shrugged lightly. "It will be a lovely surprise. And you'll get to meet that handsome young man of hers."

"Young man?" Andrew's eyes narrowed instantly. "Lily doesn't have..."

Just then, a near-deafening roar filled the narrow Rue Bosquet. The black motorbike swung around the corner and came to a graceful stop bare inches behind the Evans's dark-green Beetle, while Andrew Evans went completely rigid. Its driver pulled off a matching helmet to reveal a laughing, grey-eyed boy of no more than seventeen. And behind him, pulling off her own helmet in surprise, was Lily.

"Mum! Dad! I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow."

"Evidently." Rose swallowed. "Lily, if I might ask...?"

"Oh, of course." Lily hopped off the motorbike, disentangling her skirt from around her legs. "Mum, Dad, this is Sirius Black. A friend of mine from school," she added.

Sirius set his helmet on the seat and stepped forward, holding out his hand. "A pleasure to finally meet you properly, Mr Evans, Mrs Evans."

"Sirius Black?" Rose studied him curiously. "I've heard your name before. But you're not from the Sorbonne, are you?"

"Oh no," he laughed. "I'm from Ho---Harrow," he amended as Lily poked him in the arm, her eyes flickering to Madame Gaspard in the doorway.

"Yes, Mum. We're in the same year," she smiled somewhat nervously.

Rose nodded slowly. "Lovely to meet you, Sirius. A very interesting name."

"My parents were into astronomy," he replied. "All of us got named after constellations. Earns us rather a lot of teasing."

"Andrew?" Rose addressed her husband. "Do greet your daughter and her...friend."

"Nice to meet you." Andrew stepped forward both to shake Sirius' hand and examine precisely how close the motorbike was to his car. "That's...quite an impressive bike you have there."

"You think so? I'm rather proud of it," he grinned proudly.

"Come in, everyone, please. Let's have a civilised discussion inside," insisted Madame Gaspard, and, unable to conceive of any reason to refuse, they all followed her into the house.

"We told you we were coming today, Lily. I can only suppose this means you're not packed?" Andrew enquired after they had sat down to tea.

"Not at all," his daughter replied breezily. "I've had most of my things packed for days now. Even moved them to one of the spare rooms downstairs before leaving for Cannes. All I took there was my overnight bag."

Rose blinked. "That's quite impressive, dear."

"Well, why don't I start loading them into the car?" Andrew stood up. "We've left your sister near the Champs-Elysées and I told her we'd get her at five."

"Do let me give you a hand," Sirius rose as well, shooting Madame Gaspard a conspiratorial smile as he trailed after Andrew into the front hall.

The older woman chuckled. "Quel charmant," she murmured, directing the words at Lily and laughing further as a blush crept along the girl's cheeks.

Rose immediately fixed her daughter with an enquiring look. "Well?"

"Well what?" Lily busied herself with picking out a particularly appetising petit four.

"When were you planning to tell me about this young man?" Rose crossed her arms in front of her chest in a manner well suited to her occupation as a secondary-school teacher. "This..." glancing at Madame Gaspard, "...charming young man? Who just happens to wear rather a lot of leather and ride a motorbike?"

"Oh Mum, we're just friends. I can't see why you and Dad are overreacting like this." She finally looked at her mother with a smile. "And I see nothing wrong with the motorbike. It's quite fun, actually. Especially on the seaside roads."

"The seas---you were in Cannes with him? Not," she added swiftly, "that I have any problem with your seeing a boy, Lily. But isn't this a little...?"

"Mum, it wasn't just us! Sirius was just kind enough to bring me back to Paris several days early." She rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Mother. You let Petunia bring home those awful boys with no personality whatsoever..."

"This might be erring a bit on the side of too much personality, dear."

"You don't even know him. He's absolutely brilliant, one of the smartest students at my school, and he's just living here in Paris for the summer."

Madame Gaspard cleared her throat. "Why don't we see how the gentlemen are getting on?"

The three of them moved toward the door just as Sirius stepped back from the Beetle. "Well, I think that's everything except for that last suitcase."

Andrew looked somewhat stunned. "I have no idea how you managed to fit all those boxes and bags...it was quite amazing, really. Do they teach you those sorts of things too? Not just...well...the strange stuff?"

"My cousin taught me that particular trick, but yes, they do teach us practical..." Sirius glanced toward the door just in time, "...applications as well. Though I'm afraid this last one simply isn't going to fit. It'll take up about half of the back seat."

"Oh dear..." Rose turned to look at her daughter. "What on earth did you buy?"

"Books." Lily bit her lip. "A few scrolls. And some antiques."

"Lily, really. You're going to be horribly cramped for the entire journey. Didn't you think about that?"

"I didn't..." Lily began, only to be cut off by Sirius.

"Mrs Evans, I'm heading back to London myself. I can take her and that ought to free up some space in your car." He offered her the sweetest of smiles. "I'll be leaving tomorrow, so it'll just be another night."

"Are you riding...that...all the way back to London?" Rose eyed the motorbike doubtfully.

"Of course. I'm a perfectly safe driver, I promise." He murmured something under his breath that Lily couldn't quite catch. It sounded French. "We should reach London by early evening tomorrow."

"I suppose..." Rose seemed to consider the idea for a moment. "I don't see why not. So long as you promise to drive safely."

"Mum!" Lily stared, more than a little taken aback. "You're going to let me?"

"Yes, dear." She smiled. "But now, we must be going. We need to fetch your sister and then it's off home. Your father has insisted that we leave tonight."

"I'll see you back home, then. Tomorrow." As if in fear that her parents might change their minds, Lily smiled brightly and waved. "Tell Petunia I said hello."

"Of course." In spite of Andrew's incredulous expression, Rose practically pushed him into the driver's seat. "Goodbye, Lily dear!"

After the car had rounded the corner, Lily frowned in puzzlement. "One minute, she thought you were too much for me, and the next she's letting you take me home from Paris on a motorbike? Madame Gaspard must have put something in the tea."

"Nothing of the sort." Sirius grinned. "Just a little Persuasion Charm Eliane taught me a few years ago."

"You charmed my parents?" Lily stared, disbelieving. "How could you?" Adding almost as quickly, "And is that that illegal anyway? You're not supposed to perform magic outside of school!"

"It's not a harmful charm, Lily. It'll wear off in about three hours and they won't quite remember exactly what they agreed to. As to the illegal bit, I'm not in England, am I?" he shrugged. "Besides, you didn't want to be cramped in that car for hours on end."

"Well, I didn't, but still..."

"I just solved your problem for you. Now, how do you want to spend your last evening in Paris?"

***

In retrospect, Lily had to admit there were sparks of the romantic in those twenty-four hours, despite her utter lack of interest in Sirius. What Moira and Kate would think, she could only imagine, and had to stifle laughter at the thought of telling them. No doubt they'll hate me and wish me dead for at least six hours.

He knew how to charm a girl, that much she had to admit. First, dinner at a small bistro not terribly far from the Latin Quarter, and then the walk along the Seine back to the Rue Bosquet and the Gaspard house. Contrary to the plan he had given her parents, Sirius had left for barely under an hour, just long enough to pick up his things, and they had left Paris around midnight.

Though Lily was entirely familiar with how the motorbike worked, her heart had still jumped into her throat as they ascended from near the Sacre-Cœur into the star-studded night. It was safer to travel at night, he had explained before their departure for Cannes almost a week before, since people were less likely to see the strange apparition of a flying motorbike. She did not argue, wrapped in a light wool coat, her arms clinging comfortably around his waist.

Having known that they had some time to spare, Sirius veered westward and they touched down in Devon, skirting along the seaside until the road forced them to turn north-east toward London and Windsor, where Lily's parents lived.

To say that Petunia Evans was shocked to see her sister arrive on the back of a motorbike would have been the understatement of the year. Her satin designer purse dropped like a stone from her hand and her eyes seemed fit to widen to the size of saucers.

"Petunia!" Lily jumped off the motorbike only to feel her legs nearly collapse beneath her. Sirius grabbed her arm to hold her steady.

"Careful. You've only been sitting on this thing for about fifteen hours," he pointed out somewhat archly. Lily stuck her tongue out at him and murmured an incantation that brought her legs at least mostly back to normal.

"Who...is...that?" Petunia finally managed to stammer out, blinking such that her eyes returned to normal size.

Lily shrugged. "Sirius, my sister Petunia. Petunia, this is Sirius Black. He's a friend from school."

"A friend?" Petunia's eyes travelled up and down, lingering on Sirius' face as he pulled off the helmet. "Really?"

"Yes," Lily replied, slightly exasperated. "Why do people always assume more than that?"

Sirius shrugged. "You've got me there."

"Sirius Black," Petunia frowned. "That doesn't sound French."

"Not from La Sorbonne," Sirius clarified. "From Hogwarts."

Petunia's recoil was instantaneous. Her nose wrinkled and she picked up her bag, straightening almost to the point of being hyper-extended. "Oh. Well, I'd better get inside." And she did precisely that, nearly slamming the door behind her.

Sirius glanced at Lily, more than a little bemused, and she reddened. "I'm sorry about that. Petunia's a bit...well...touchy about the whole Hogwarts thing."

"The whole Hogwarts thing?" Sirius queried. "Meaning?"

"Well...it was something of a surprise when I turned out to be a witch. Apparently it comes from some great-aunt on my mother's side that everyone had forgotten about. And it skipped Petunia entirely." Lily stared at the ground. "My parents were absolutely thrilled--they seem to view it as just being gifted or something--and they rather ignored Petunia in response."

"Ah." He nodded. "So she's taken to hating anything that reminds her of how different you are?"

"Something like that." She slung her bag over her shoulder. "Do you want to come in for tea?"

"I'm afraid I can't. I ought to get to James's and he's up in Hampstead," he flashed her a smile. "But thank you for the offer. And the company."

"It was my pleasure. Thanks for the ride." She smiled back, albeit somewhat shyly. "Does this mean you won't be ignoring me at school?"

"Only if you can stand to be around Potter," Sirius pointed out, "seeing as he is my best friend and has been for nearing six years. That's not going to change."

"I'd hardly expect it to. And I'm sure he can be bearable, if you and Remus can manage it so well," she retorted. "I think I'm quite a bit more patient than you are."

"We shall see." He pulled the helmet back over his head. "See you at King's Cross, Evans!"

And with that, he roared off, leaving Lily smiling more than a trifle indulgently.

***

It turned out to be James who opened the door when Sirius knocked. "Padfoot! I was wondering if you'd ever reappear."

Sirius grinned, somewhat ruefully. "I told you I would."

"With you, it's hard to tell." James stepped back to let him in. "So where were you? No, wait. Don't tell me. You were in Romania or Egypt or someplace unforgivably exotic, weren't you? Like Brazil, maybe? Or Fiji. Fiji sounds entirely up your alley."

"I was in Paris, actually."

James's face fell visibly. "Paris? You flew off in the middle of the night with all that drama to go to Paris?"

"I did," replied Sirius as he settled into a chair and reached for one of the Chocolate Frogs James had left sitting in the middle of the table, snatching it up with his other hand when it tried to escape. "Don't sound so disappointed, Prongs. Paris is very nice this time of year."

"But you could always go to Paris. What's there anyway?" James sank into the opposite chair. "I was expecting an adventure, Padfoot. You disappoint me completely."

"Not everything needs to be an adventure, Prongs," Sirius pointed out, his mouth full of chocolate. "Besides, there's quite a bit in Paris." Adding deliberately, as James took a sip of butterbeer, "Lily Evans, for example."

If he had expected a dramatic reaction, he was disappointed. James swallowed the butterbeer with a shrug. "Was she?"

"Yes, she was doing a summer course in French at the Muggle university there." Sirius regarded James with more than a small amount of curiosity. "Not even a drop spilt at the mention of her name. What happened here?"

"I, Padfoot, am entirely recovered from that little infatuation," James declared proudly. "You're behind the times."

"Then do be so kind as to update me?"

"Well...I was chronically bored for most of the past few weeks, seeing as you weren't around and Moony was too busy working his summer job at Flourish and Blotts. Wormtail, of course, is all the way in Norwich, so I didn't even bother." He took his time, grinning all the while. "So, one day, I decided to take a wander about Diagon Alley, planning to meet Moony during his lunch break. And who should I meet at Florian Fortescue's but Kate Campbell! You know her, right?"

"Kate Campbell?" Sirius frowned. "Shortish? Curly brown hair? A rather annoying laugh? Sat next to Moony in History of Magic and kept passing notes over his desk?"

"I don't think her laugh is at all annoying," protested James. "But yes, that's who I mean."

"Obviously I remember her somewhat. Now, what about her?"

"You'll have the chance to get to know her better, as it happens. She and I started going out about three weeks ago." James crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair. "Well?"

Sirius nodded slowly. "Good for you, Prongs. I hope this doesn't mean you'll be an absolute bore or--perhaps worse--one of those prats who insists upon snogging his girlfriend at every possible instant?"

"O ye of little faith," James laughed. "Nothing's going to change, except that Kate'll be around a bit more than previously."

"Considering I barely knew she existed before, I can't see how this changes very much. But congratulations anyway." Sirius reached across the table to shake James's hand. "Oh, and by the way, Evans and I are talking again. So she'll be around as well."

Perhaps it was his imagination, but James seemed to go slightly stiff. His voice, however, gave no indication of any discomfort. "So long as she's not going to insist upon being rude to me."

"I can't see why she would," Sirius remarked. "So, when does Moony stop working?"

"Three days before we leave. Though I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. Oh, and your cousin came by."

"My cousin?" Sirius froze instantly.

"Yeah, Andromeda. She wanted you to stop in whenever you came back. I'm going to have to give Williams some of the tips she passed on to me. You know Hufflepuff won the Quidditch Cup when she was their Chaser?"

"I'd heard something about it, yes," he smiled. "She taught me everything I know about flying."

"Why didn't you ever try out for the team, Padfoot? I'd always wondered. You'd make an amazing Seeker," James observed.

Sirius had to think for a moment. "I don't know, in all honesty. It just never occurred to me."

"Well, it's not like it's too late. I'm sure if I put in a word with Williams..."

"Prongs, you've already got a Seeker. Besides, I've got enough to do. I've added a few specialty subjects this year," he demurred quickly. "I'd hate to break up a good team."

"Longbottom left last year and Williams leaves after this year. If we move Barton to second Chaser...seeing as he's managed to lose out the Snitch in about half the matches...we lost to Slytherin last year on his account, though Ravenclaw eventually beat them, so there's something to be said for that. Thank Merlin Rabastan Lestrange finally left. I swear he'd deliberately send every Bludger he saw in my direction..." Halting his recital, James studied Sirius for a second or two. "Would you have any interest at all?"

"Honestly, Prongs, I don't know. I like watching Quidditch as much as the next person, but I've honestly never thought to play it." He frowned at the table. "Let me think about it?"

"Of course. Maybe Andromeda can convince you," he added with a grin.

"Maybe she can. Though speaking of her, I ought to let her know I'm back in England and see when she wants me to stop by." Sirius stood up slowly. "Mind if I borrow your owl?"

"Not at all. If he's not in the rookery outside, he'll be back by tomorrow morning. And Padfoot?" he called over his shoulder.

"What?"

"Good to have you back."

Sirius smiled and closed the door behind him.