Rating:
PG-13
House:
Riddikulus
Characters:
Draco Malfoy Dudley Dursley Severus Snape Sibyll Trelawney
Genres:
Humor Crossover
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire
Stats:
Published: 02/02/2003
Updated: 02/02/2003
Words: 584
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,151

Wizarding Idol

Knockturn

Story Summary:
Not too keen on American Idol? Can't blame you, but wait until you see the Potter version! Draco hosts with an all-new panel of Judges; no appearances by Simon, Randy, OR Paula! Contestants range from random students, to boys-who-lived, to former Hogwarts Professors. And, of course, you won't want to miss the scathing remarks of the judge-with-a-grudge, who is so diabolically British, it's almost sexy. Guess who?

Posted:
02/02/2003
Hits:
1,151
Author's Note:
Well... yes, I suppose this was just inspired by the incredibly ridiculous episode of American Idol I saw... (*ashamed* THERE! I ADMIT IT!) I was thinking how much better certain Harry Potter characters could do. Cheers to Senna (Slytherin) and Vae (Ravenclaw) who *first* brought me to this site with their slightly incessant but very complementary babble on the approximately 439,615,875 fics they've read here since... July. Well, cheers to all readers in Fic Land. The fifth book approacheth! FIVE MORE FORKING MONTHS *dies* -Nox-


*NOTE*

(Ryan Seacrest is being replaced by Draco)

Announcer: ARE YOU READY FOR THE NEW SEASON OF AMERICAN IDOL? *annoying music*
NEW TALENT! *rerun of kelly clarkson*
NEW TERRORS! *merpeople screeching*
AND EVEN....NEEEEEEEEEW JUDGES!?!?!?!

Replacing Paula Abdul..... SYBIL TRELAWNEY!


Trelawney: "That was...interesting, my dear. Quite... absorbing."

Announcer: Replacing Randy..... DUDLEY DURSLEY!


Dudley: *munch munch*

Announcer: And here's the man you LOVE to hate..... sssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSEVERUS!


Snape: "That was so bad, I think I'll have to kill you on the off-chance that it's contagious."


Draco: "Zing!"


Contestant (Ernie McMillan): "Ha-ha!"


Snape: "No, seriously. Avada Kedavra." *Ernie drops dead*


Trelawney: "Really, Severus. That's the eight one this hour."


Dudley: *munch munch*


Draco: "Er, Dudley, don't you have something to say?"


Dudley: "I like doughnuts."


Snape: "Weasley! Come clear up these bodies!"


Weasley: *grumble grumble*


Draco: "Is it just coincidence that they were mostly Hufflepuffs? No, wait. Stupid question."


Trelawney: "Well, at least we don't have a room full of corpses anymore. They were beginning to go... sour."


Snape: "They still smelled better than they sang."


Dudley: "Have we got any more of those family-size valu-eclairs?"

Snape: "NEXT!"

Draco: "Our next contestant is... oh, damn."

*Harry Potter enters, looking nervous*

Potter: "Er... Professor Dumbledore told me I should enter."

Trelawney: "My dear! The clairvoyant vibrations have informed me that your demise is very close at hand!"

Snape/Draco/Dudley: "Goody."

Potter: "My spider-sense is tingling... "

Draco: "No, that's just the eye-crossing potion I slipped into your drink taking effect."

Trelawney: "Quickly, dear! Audition! Before it is too late!"

Potter: "Er, this isn't yet another plot to kill me, is it?"

Snape: "It could be arranged."

Potter: *moving towards the door* "I'll just... be going!" *tears out of the room*

Dudley: "CAN'T I GET ANYTHING ELSE TO EAT, HERE? SOMEBODY?"

Dobby: *rushing forward, bearing an enormous platter that he lifts onto the judges table with great effort* "Dobby has your food, sirs and miss. Dobby hopes that it will last even longer than the last thirty-seven tons Dobby brought, sirs and miss."

Dudley: "Heh heh. Don't bet your tea-cozy on it." *pulls the entire platter onto his gargantuan stomach*

Dobby: *muttering* "Stupid fat hobbit."

Draco: *peering out the door* "Oh, fantastic. This is exactly what we need... "

*Lockhart comes bursting through the double-doors*

Lockhart: "Never fear, my friends! I believe your search is over!"

Snape: "Good idea. Let's end it right now, before he has time to sing-"

Lockhart: "Ha-hah! Doesn't know what he's saying! Allow me to accentuate my melodious vocal emissions." *points wand at his own throat* "Sonorus!" *voice is magnified ten times* OH.... I'M SO LUCKY!! I'M LOCKHART! AND I'LL BRAG, BRAG, BRAG 'CAUSE I'M NOT TOO SMART! THERE AIN'T NOTHING BETTER THAN WINNING WITCH WEEKLY'S MOST CHARMING SMI-"

Snape: *points wand at himself* "Stupify!" *falls to the floor with a thud, unconcious*

Dobby: "Trixy potions master!"

Draco: *pointing his wand at Lockhart* "Expellidufus!"

*Lockhart goes flying out the window*

Dudley: "Are House Elves edible?"

Trelawney: *to herself* "I knew I should have gone into business with Ms. Cleo... "

Dudley: "I'M STARVING!"

Draco: "Try this Cockroach Clust-- ah, I mean, peanut brittle."

Lockhart: *from the outside the window* "DID I MAKE IT?"

*AFTERMATH*
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~end~