Harry Potter and Friends Read: A Series of Unfortunate Events

KimCelia

Story Summary:
What happens when Harry Potter and Co. are locked in a room with only the Baudelaires and books for company?

Chapter 01 - Harry Potter And Friends Read Lemony Snicket 01

Chapter Summary:
There are only books and Baudelaires for company in this mysterious locked room... Tempers will fray and sparks will fly in the first chapter and page.
Posted:
01/03/2006
Hits:
751
Author's Note:
Hey, this was just something I wrote to amuse myself. Hopefully you guys who are reading this now will like it (even just a little) too.


Ron: Why are we stuck in this stupid room?

Hermione: This room isn't stupid! It's remarkable!

Harry: Stop fighting. You're getting on my paranoid, highly-strung nerves.

Ginny: Let's discuss this calmly and GET THE HELL OUT!

Luna: We had DA meetings here.

Others: (stare at Luna in disbelief)

Fred: This is-

George: Wicked!

Draco: Who the hell are you?

Hermione: Constantly showing good manners, Malfoy.

Stranger 1: I'm Violet Baudelaire.

Stranger 2: I'm Klaus Baudelaire.

Stranger 3: Sunny!

(Introductions are made. The author is lazy and cannot be bothered typing out the previously mentioned character names.)

Violet: (politely) How do you do?

Klaus: (politely) How do you do?

Sunny: (politely shrieking) Odo yow!

Hermione: At least some people have manners. (stares pointedly at Draco)

Hermione/Draco fans: (get excited)

Hermione: Do you know how you got here, Baudelaires?

Klaus: No but I have a feeling that we have to read this to get out. (holds up small book)

Harry: 'A Series of Unfortunate Events, by Lemony Snicket. Book the first, The Bad Beginning'. Weird name for a book.

Ron: Sounds depressing.

Violet: The person on the front looks rather like Count Olaf...

Draco: Whatever. Just read the damn book already. I want to get out of here.

Hermione, reading: If you are interested in stories

Draco: I'm not. I hate books.

Ron: Me too.

Draco and Ron: OMG! Did we just agree?

Hermione: (fixes them death glares) with happy endings, you would be better reading some other book.

Luna: What, like this one? (Holds up Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

Harry: (glares and growls) SNAPE!

Others: Huh?

Harry: Nothing, Hermione please keep reading, I need to pull Ginny- (falters at the look from Ron)- away from a Dementor...

Hermione: In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning

Luna: Why?

Draco: We don't know yet. We haven't even got past the beginning. I thought people in Ravenclaw were supposed to be smart? Honestly!

Hermione: That's my catchphrase! (Picks up Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and starts beating Draco with it. Draco runs off, screaming)

Klaus, reading: and very few happy things in the middle.

Luna: That's sad.

Ron: (sarcastically) Well NAW!

Klaus: This is because not very many happy things happened in the lives of the three

Others: WHAT? WHO? TELL US! OH MY! THE SUSPENSE!

Klaus: VIOLET! SUNNY! LEMONY SNICKET HAS BEEN STALKING US!

Others except Violet and Sunny: (rolls eyes)

Draco, has returned, with bruises: Keep reading, bookworm.

Sunny: Hasrilf.

Draco: Shut up, little monkey!

Sunny: Ecca Hasrilf!

Violet: My sister, Sunny, thinks you are related to Count Olaf. He called Klaus a bookworm and Sunny a monkey.

Others except the Baudelaires and Luna: Who's Count Olaf?

Violet: You'll find out later.

Klaus: Baudelaire youngsters. Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire

Luna: Who?

Others: LUNA!

Klaus: were intelligent children, and they were charming, and resourceful and had pleasant facial features

Fred: Lemony has got that-

George: Last part-

Fred and George: RIGHT! (Stare at Violet seductively)

Violet: (blushes)

Klaus: I thought you liked Quigley! I totally saw you kissing him on that frozen waterfall.

Violet: KLAUS! You were supposed to be researching! Anyway, I thought you were working out the Verbal Fridge Dialogue?

Klaus: I was, but I got bored. I still figured out though.

Others: (stare)

Klaus: Ahem, anyway.

Draco: (sarcastically) No we are so interested in your sordid little affairs!

Harry: My Aunt Petunia said that about an actress, but she followed the case obsessively afterwards. I bet you so want to find out who Quigley is.

Draco: HOW DID YOU READ MY THOUGHTS?

Harry: Oh, I met up with Voldemort (everyone except the Baudelaires flinch) during the summer and he taught me a little Legilimency.

Draco: Really?

Harry, sarcastically: Yes.

Draco, annoyed: He never taught me... (Dawns) Oh. Pretend I never said that.

Sunny: Tem, gerg!

Violet:(translating) Moving on...

Klaus: but they were extremely unlucky

Sunny: Sraf.

Others: What!

Violet and Klaus: Sounds about right.

Klaus: and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery and despair. I'm sorry to tell you this

Luna: Why are YOU sorry Klaus, it wasn't your fault.

Everyone: Lemony Snicket is sorry!

Luna: Oh.

Klaus: but that is how the story goes

Sunny: Hooray!

Draco: Wow, I understood the monkey!

Ginny: (hits him)

Hermione: Don't be mean about Sunny!

Ginny: Yeah, she's cute!

Ginny and Hermione: (glare at Draco)

Draco: (whimpers, then remembers to sneer)

Fred: Why was she-

George: Saying-

Fred and George: 'Hooray!'

Harry: STOP DOING THAT!

Fred and George: Why?

Everyone: It's creepy!

Harry: I think she was saying hooray because we made it past the first page.

Klaus: Their misfortune began one day at Briny Beach.

Violet, Klaus and Sunny: (cry, cannot read and cry)

Ginny: (looks at the book) OMG!

Others: What?

Harry reading: The three Baudelaire children lived with their parents in an enormous mansion

Draco: Like me! I think I like you guys!

Harry: at the heart of a dirty and busy city,

Draco: OK, not like me. My respect has gone done again.

Ginny, angrily: They are HERE Malfoy; so shut your Slytherin mouth!

Klaus, stops crying for a moment to define: Slytherin isn't a word.

Draco: (faints)

Everyone: YAY!

Harry: and occasionally their parents

Baudelaires: (cry harder)

Harry: I don't like making people cry. Ron, read.

Ron: I don't like reading remember? Make Hermione do it.

Fred: It's because-

George: He can't-

Fred and George: Read!

Ron: Shut up.

Fred and George: No!

Ron: gave them permission to take a rickety trolley- the word "rickety" you probably know, here means "unsteady" or "likely to collapse"-

Luna: Well they aren't very good parents are they?

Baudelaires: (aren't violent, so DON'T hit Luna, although they would like to)

Ginny: (hits Luna)

Luna: But it's true! Why do their parents give them a rickety trolley? They sound rich, so why don't the parents give their kids a nice, steady trolley?

Everyone: Luna, shut up.

Ron: alone to the seashore, where they would spend the day

Fred: Eating crabs?

George: Catching fish?

Draco: (has woken up) Biting sticks?

Sunny: Bite!

Draco: (smirks)

Sunny: (bites his hand)

Draco: OW!

Ron: as a sort of vacation as long as they were home for dinner. This particular morning was grey and cloudy, which didn't bother the Baudelaire youngsters one bit.

Ginny: Why not?

Violet: When it is hot and sunny-

Sunny: (smiles)

Klaus: Briny Beach is crowded with tourists-

Violet: So it is impossible to find a good place to lay one's blanket.

Ron: That is exactly what it says in the book.

Luna: How did you know? (Dawns) Oh! You were reading ahead, weren't you?

Others: (Smack their heads with their hands)

Ron: On grey and cloudy days, the Baudelaires had the beach to themselves to do what they liked.


Hey, if you got this far, good on you! Please review, even if it's just to say 'yay'. Al reviews are greatly appreciated and sorry if the jokes were a bit lame. WARNING: Flames will be doused by my Super Sonic Hose Mega 3000. Happy reviewing! =D