Dragon Tamer

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Dragon Tamer

Chapter 29: The Party, Part Two: TAKE ME, SEVERUS!

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"Hello, Lucius."

Lucius swallowed a nervous gulp as that achingly familiar voice slithered into Draco's room, that silky drawl that had haunted him for ages.

"Se...Severus," Lucius managed to stutter. He kept his eyes fixed on Draco and Pansy, willing his heart to stop racing. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you hallucinating like the rest of the guests?"

"Tsk, tsk, Lucius," Snape chided, and Lucius fought back a shiver as Snape's voice caressed his ears. "Surely you know that I would recognize my own potion ingredients. But I must thank you for using them when you did. You've given me the perfect opportunity."

"I have?" Lucius asked, licking his suddenly dry lips. "To do what?"

"Why, to seduce you, of course, my blonde little minx," Severus Snape purred, stepping into the room.

"Oh, right of - wait, what did you just say?"

"I'm here to seduce you, Lucius," Snape drawled, and Lucius felt his mouth fall open in utter disbelief. "I've been after you for ages. Couldn't you tell from my letters?"

Lucius thought for a moment, trying to recall some of Snape's letters.

...so, Lucius, Draco tells me you say "hi." I say "hi" too, you unbearable little hottie, you...

...I've got "strong, manly arms," do I? I've got nothing on you, with all your lean, chiseled muscles. Tell me, Lucius, do you work out much? Maybe we could have a good workout together sometime. A nice, long, sweaty workout...

Dear Lucius,

Of course you can have them. Like I could ever say no to you. I'd be happy to give you any "special" ingredients you want. In fact, I've got something else I'd like to give you...something big and hard and I want to give it to you all night long...

And as Lucius remembered, the hand of the grandfather clock moved another notch.

The time was now 11:58.

"You sly dog, you," Lucius said admirably. "I didn't notice."

"Typical blonde. Pretty, but dumb as dirt," Snape said with affection.

Lucius snapped his head up to glare at Snape. "Now wait just a minute, I resent - "

And here Lucius froze.

Snape looked...amazing.

"Severus...your...your hair...it...it's so..."

Snape's hair was, indeed, quite different. Not longer its normal, greasy, oily, stringy mess, but a shining mane of jet-black raven tresses that cascaded to his shoulders and shone like new galleon. Lucius was floored.

"Nice, isn't it? MacNair spent the last hour giving me a makeover. Special attention to my hair. He's really got a gift, you know." And here Severus gave a slight shake of his head, sending his hair swishing around his face.

Lucius gulped audibly.

The hand of the clock moved another tick.

The time was now 11:59.

Lucius screwed shut his eyes and tried to focus. He had to say the spell in one minute. He had to. Must focus...must focus...

"I've wanted you for so long now," Snape was saying huskily, taking a couple slow, measured steps toward Lucius. "I've been dreaming of you...your hair...your eyes...."

45 seconds left until midnight...

Lucius clenched his fists and aimed his wand. Must resist...must focus...cannot...give in...to Severus...

30 seconds left...

"I think someone's been a naughty boy," Snape drawled, stepping even closer. "Do I need to give you a detention?"

Oh Merlin. Not detention. Come on, focus, Lucius, FOCUS...

15 seconds...

Lucius risked a quick glance at Snape. Out of nowhere a wind blew through Draco's room, sending Snape's shiny black hair billowing around his face.

Lucius swallowed hard.

Ten...nine...eight...

"Come on, Lucky," Snape whispered, so close now that Lucius could almost feel Snape's warm breath against his neck. "Come to Daddy..."

...seven...six...five...

Snape was right behind him now. "Just give in, Lucius," Snape breathed into the blonde's ear. "We'll have wild, crazy, kinky-monkey sex that'll put everything your son and Potter ever did to shame."

...four...three...two...

"Oh sod it all," Lucius finally snapped, throwing down his wand. "Draco's a leather-wearing, man-bag carrying, Madonna-loving, bunny-owning, Potter-shagging homosexual - just like his Daddy."

And with that he turned around and launched himself at Snape, wrapping his arms around Snape's neck and his legs around Snape's waist.

"TAKE ME, SEVERUS!"

""""""""""""""""""""""

The next morning, the pale winter sun finally flitted down through the clouds around noon, illuminating Malfoy Manor, where hundreds of very confused house guests were waking up in even more confusing situations.

Ron and Hermione found themselves on top of the dining table with a three reporters from the Daily Prophet, all completely covered in the remains of last night's appetizers. Ginny opened her eyes to find her head, along with Parvati and Lavender'a, on Neville Longbottom's stomach, with Neville appearing to be covered in three different shades of lipstick. Nigel the photographer was snuggled up tight with Rodophus Lestrange, Crabbe and Goyle Senior, Avery and MacNair, all using their man-bags as pillows.

"Ugh," Nigel said, wrinkling his nose as he took in their mismatched clothes and not-so-pleasant morning breath. "Straight men." He took a closer look at MacNair. "Oh wait, not this one. My bad."

Harry woke up to a horrible noise that he was much too familiar with: the clicking of Colin Creevy's camera.

"Colin, what the fuck?" he muttered groggily. He struggled to sit up, only to find himself securely pinned to the floor by the two bodies half way on top of him. The bodies of Blaise and Seamus, who were still in their matching Harryz Hunnyz t-shirts and by the looks of things were out cold.

"OMG, I am soooo jealous!" Colin was saying as he documented the moment. "Blaise and Seamus got to cuddle with you, Harry! Wait till the rest of the fan club finds out!"

Harry sighed. "For Merlin's sake, what the hell is wrong with you guys? Give me the camera."

"No."

"Colin..." Harry pleaded, straining to get out from under Seamus and Blaise.

"NO!"

"GIVE IT TO ME!"

"NO! You can't have it! It's MINE!" And with that Colin ran off.

"Creevy, get back here you little voyeur! Get back - oh fuck it," he said, collapsing back against the ground as the combined weight of Seamus and Blaise kept him pinned to the floor.

He sighed. What a horrible way to wake up. Still, he couldn't help but notice how nice and soft the pink Harryz Hunnyz t-shirts were. Maybe Hedwig would want one. Maybe Blaise and Seamus could make one that said Harryz Hedwig. Now that would be a cute shirt. Maybe they could even make one that said Harryz Very Special Pretty Owl Hedwig, the Most Brilliant Owl to Ever Fly on Planet Earth.

Hmmm. Maybe not.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Draco woke up on the floor of his bedroom, very very grumpy. His head hurt, his mouth tasted wretched, and he was lying next to a lesbian. He had no idea how he'd gotten there, or what he had been doing, or why it smelled like roses and horses. He looked over at Pansy, who was out like a light next to him, snoring. Maybe she was the source of the smell. Of roses or horses, he wasn't quite sure.

Draco carefully stood up and made his way downstairs, walking gingerly to avoid jostling his tender head. By the moans and groans that were floating up the staircase, he'd venture a guess that everyone was waking up in a similar state.

Wincing as he came down the stairs and into the bright light filling the main hall, he had one clear thought in his head: find Harry.

"Harry?" he began to call out. "Harry, where are you?"

"Draco? S'that you?" a voice called out from the parlour. And then - "Ugh, Blaise, Seamus, would you two get OFF me?"

"Harry!" Draco made his way into the parlour, carefully stepping over the many unconscious bodies on the floor. He walked in to the room in time to see Harry extricating himself from two bright pink bodies and carefully standing up.

Despite the pounding of his head Draco ran to Harry and threw his arms around his neck, practically knocking Harry over.

"Harry, I'm so sorry about last night," Draco began babbling. "I feel so awful. I knew you were jealous about those models and I just lost my head when I saw you with Charlie and I didn't mean to make you even more jealous and - "

Harry cut him off with a quick kiss. "It's okay," he said, ending the kiss but wrapping his arms around Draco's waist. "I'm really sorry too. But I wasn't flirting with Charlie at all, I promise."

"I know you weren't. I didn't mean to get jealous, I really didn't. And I'm so sorry about those models, Harry."

"I told you, its fine. And not that I'm complaining, but why the exuberant apology?" Harry asked curiously. "You hate to apologize for anything."

Draco shrugged. "I just had this horrible feeling that I almost lost you last night."

"Because of some models?" Harry shook his head. "It'd take a lot more than models to get me to go away. Gryffindor, remember? Loyal to a fault?"

"Yeah, but...it's nothing," Draco said, shaking his head. "Just one of those weird feelings. And hey, speaking of weird, what the hell happened last night? Everyone just went nuts."

"I don't know. That punch must have been something else. I can't remember a thing after our fight. Just a lot of blurry faces and something about a leprechaun."

"Hmmm. I distinctly remember cats. And rainbows," Draco said thoughtfully. "No leprechauns though."

"Harry! Malfoy!" Hermione's voice rang out over the crowd as she made her way over to the boys. "I need to talk to you!"

"Hermione, are you wearing...hummus?" Harry asked, pointing at a large yellowish blotch on her face.

She waved him off. "Harry, that isn't important. I just remembered something I have to tell you guys."

"Can it wait until later? Honestly, my head feels like it's about to burst," Draco said plaintively, massaging his temples.

Hermione shook her head. "This is really important. It's about the shagged silly potion you guys took. I can't believe I didn't tell you last night, it completely slipped my mind during the party. Anyway, listen, about the potion - "

Hermione never got to finish her sentence, because at that moment something happened that got the attention of everything single witch, wizard, and camera in the hall.

"YEEEEE-HAAAA!"

Lucius Malfoy came sliding down the railing of the West Wing staircase, wearing chaps and a cowboy hat. He jumped off the railing, landed with the grace of a cat, and turned to run, when he noticed his sizable audience gaping at him.

"Morning, all," he said pleasantly. "I trust we had a pleasant evening?"

Nobody answered as they continued to stare at Lucius in amazement. One, he was dressed as a cowboy. Two, he was acting pleasant. Something was very very wrong here. What on earth could have -

"LOOOO-CIOUS!!"

Severus Snape had appeared at the top of the west wing staircase.

"Oops, gotta run," Lucius said with a smile. "You'll all stay for tea, I hope?"

And with that he dashed off in the direction of his study.

Everyone watched, open-mouthed, as he ran off, and then turned to see Snape running down the stairs, a fashion magazine clutched in one hand. He was waving it over his head as he ran.

"You better run Lucius Malfoy, my feisty golden snitch," Snape called out, "because when I catch you we're going to try page 47. This particular position was only known during the days of Algernon the Amorous, and it's supposed to give you the most incredible, mind-blowing...mind...er....ah....hmm..."

Snape, reaching the bottom of the stairs, had suddenly discovered his audience.

Snape seemed at a loss for a moment. Finally, with the most admirable of composures, he drew himself up and said with his most formal of Potion Master voices:

"Would any of you happen to have seen which way Master Malfoy went?"

Wordlessly, every hand in the main hall pointed in the direction of Lucius's study.

"Excellent," Snape said, and then took off down the hall.

Everyone in the hall remained completely frozen. Finally, after an age, Draco turned to Harry.

"Harry...was that my dad?"

Horrified does not begin to do justice to Draco's expression.

With a bit of a noticeable wince, Harry slowly nodded.

"And then...was that...Professor Snape?" Draco asked again, his face drained of all color.

Again, Harry nodded.

"And then did they...did they...please tell me they didn't..."

"Sorry, Draco," Harry said sympathetically. "I think they did." He paused, and then offered Draco a weak smile. "More than once."

And then Harry had to move very, very quickly to catch Draco before he fainted.

''''''''''''''''''''''''

Draco came to a few moments later, twisting in Harry's arms.

"No...NO! It isn't...it can't...not Daddy...not Professor Snape...no..." he babbled as he woke up. Harry shook him lightly.

"Hey, it's okay Draco, it's okay. Don't worry, everything's going to be all right, they just - "

"Everything most certainly is not going to be all right!"

Harry and Draco looked up into the extremely ticked off face of Hermione Granger, who was glaring down at them.

"You stole my book!"

Harry tried very, very hard not to look guilty. "Book?" he said innocently. "What book? We didn't steal any - "

"YES YOU DID! You stole my book! Page 47? The long-lost favorite position of Algernon the Amorous? It took me six months to find that information and carefully document it, and then you two stole my book!"

"No we didn't!" Harry said earnestly. "We were just...er...borrowing...it..."

He trailed off as Hermione's glare got even more intense.

"And then you lied to me about it, Harry James Potter! I can't believe you!"

Draco looked at Harry, surprised. "You knew about the book?"

Harry shrugged. "You mean your "fashion magazine." Yeah, I found out what it really was."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Draco asked, curious.

"Because you were doing such a good job, I didn't see any reason to interfere," Harry confessed.

Draco smirked at him. "You're wicked."

Harry smirked back. "No, you are."

"YOU BOTH ARE! YOU ARE WICKED, HORRIBLE, IMMORAL - "

"Okay, Granger, we get the point," Draco said, wincing. "Ow, my head."

"Lay off him, a bit, alright?" Harry said, cradling Draco protectively to his chest. "He's just had a nasty shock." He turned his back on a still seething Hermione to check on Draco, gingerly feeling his forehead.

"Poor thing," Harry said with concern. "You're all clammy. Let me get you some tea." He gently helped Draco to his feet, and then remembered something.

"Wait, Hermione," he said, turning to the furious girl. "You said you had something important to tell us. Something about the shagged silly potion?"

"Yes, I did," Hermione spat. "I wanted to tell you that it's only going to last for..." and here she trailed off, as a wicked glint appeared in her eyes.

"Yes?" Harry prompted, not particularly patiently either. "How long does it last?"

Hermione smiled at him, the exact same smile a shark might give a minnow. "For years, Harry. It lasts for years."

"Oh." Harry processed this. "So why was it so important to tell us this now?"

"Oh, you know me and knowledge," Hermione said, a little too brightly. "Can't keep it to myself for even a moment!"

"True enough," Harry mused. "Well, thanks for letting me know."

"Anytime, Harry," Hermione said, her voice sweet like poisoned honey. "What are friends for?"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Harry had just led Draco through the main hall to the door to the parlour when said parlour door swung open, and Bill and Narcissa walked out.

Hand in hand.

And mouth to mouth.

Harry and Draco's jaws both dropped.

They watched, Harry in disbelief and Draco in horror as Bill and Narcissa kissed like the world was about to end. Harry was wondering if they were ever going to stop when a loud noise from Draco caused them to break apart.

"MUM!" he shrieked. "What are you doing?"

Bill and Narcissa pulled apart and Narcissa smiled at her son, not looking the least bit guilty. "Oh Draco, darling. Mummy didn't see you there."

"Mummy, what on earth are you doing?" Draco demanded. "Where have you been? And did you know that that man is a Weasley?"

"Of course I do, dear. And he's a perfectly marvelous Weasley. Now what are you fretting about?" she asked.

It was too much for Draco.

"I can't take this, I just can't take it. Mummy," Draco pleaded, practically whimpering. "Mummy, PLEASE tell me Daddy isn't about to shag Professor Snape and that you didn't sleep with a Weasley last night."

"What on earth are you talking about, sweetheart?" said Narcissa, looking puzzled. She turned to Bill and smiled. "Do up my robes in the back, would you, love?"

Draco's whimpering became even worse as Bill slowly zipped up Narcissa's robe, planting a soft kiss on her neck as he did so.

"Mummy?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Mummy, did you sleep with Bill Weasley last night?"

"Don't be silly, sweetie," Narcissa said, patting Draco on the head.

"But you two were just kissing! I saw you! He just kissed your neck!"

"Oh, that's because we're friends, darling. It was just a friendly kiss. Look, see?" And here Narcissa gave Draco a quick peck on the cheek. "See? Just a little kiss. Look, I'll give one to Harry too."

Narcissa gave Harry a quick peck on the cheek. Harry immediately flushed pink.

"See, sweetheart? Just friends. Now let me give Bill another one," and here she planted a long kiss on Bill's cheek.

"Maybe just one more."

Another kiss, a bit closer to the lips.

"Hmmm...Bill, darling, did I by any chance show you my broomstick collection last night?"

"Why no. No you did not. Why don't we go look at it? Right. Now."

Narcissa giggled, grabbed Bill's hand and began leading him out of the room.

"Oh God," Draco said, looking rather pale. "Oh please, no..."

Bill's voice drifted back towards the parlour as he and Narcissa walked away.

"Why don't I show you my broomstick collection? I've only got one, but it's very impressive."

And for the second time that day, Harry caught Draco as the blonde collapsed in a dead faint.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

When Draco came to, Harry gently led him to the sofa and asked Yoda to bring them some strong tea.

"So horrible...so horrible..." Draco kept saying, his pale face paler than ever. Harry made him a cup of tea with milk and sugar.

"Here, love, drink this," he said, passing Draco the cup. Draco gratefully took a sip.

"Thanks, Harry," he said. Harry kissed his head.

"It'll be okay, you'll see. Just drink your tea," he said, rubbing Draco's back. Draco drank a bit more tea and then sighed.

"That was so horrible."

"I know, baby, I know."

"My mum and a Weasley...my dad and Professor Snape...my endless mountains of upcoming therapy bills..."

"Poor thing," Harry said sympathetically. Draco sighed again.

"You know, I don't know which freaks me out more," the Slytherin said, shaking his head. "The fact that my mum slept with a Weasley or that my dad apparently bottomed for Professor Snape."

Harry paused. "Yeah. That's a toughie."

"I mean, I knew my dad was gay," Draco went on, looking very perplexed. "But I never thought he'd be a bottom."

Must run in the family, Harry thought to himself.

But he knew better than to say that out loud.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

A short while later, as all the guests were milling about, exchanging stories about the night before and nursing hangovers, Lucius Malfoy appeared in the main hall.

"Hallo again, everyone!" he called out. "Marvelous time we all had last night, I hope?"

There was a collective cheer, and then a collective groan, as a couple hundred very hung over guests clutched at their heads.

"Excellent," Lucius said brightly. "Well, I just wanted to pop in and invite all of you to celebrate New Year's Eve with us tonight at the Manor. You're all welcome to stay for dinner and then watch the clock tick down. Might as well make a whole weekend of Draco's party, eh?"

Another cheer, followed by another groan.

"Lucius, what's taking so long?" Snape's irritated voice traveled down the hall from the study. "You said you'd just be a moment! The whipped cream is starting to melt!"

Lucius winked at everyone. "Well, I must be off. Duty calls. Cheerio!"

And with that Lucius disappeared back down the hall that led to his study.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The afternoon passed into evening, and finally dinner was served at three very long rectangular tables set up in the ball room. At the head of the center table sat Draco, looking more like a man at his own funeral than a birthday boy.

On Draco's right was Harry, who was patting his boyfriend's leg sympathetically under the table. Next to Harry was Narcissa - right in Bill Weasley's lap. Across from Harry were Lucius and Severus, sitting almost obscenely close to one another and whispering in each other's ears.

A few moments after everyone was seated, a lavish feast appeared on the tables. Trying very hard to pretend everything was absolutely normal, Draco stood up.

"Well, uh, I guess I'll give the speech, since it's...uh...my birthday still, and uh...New Year's and all...

He paused and glanced around. Harry was trying to pay attention, but he kept getting distracted by the sight of Narcissa and Bill, who were kissing again. Lucius and Snape weren't even bothering to look up, and the rest of the guests in the ballroom were already reaching for the food.

Draco cleared his throat and decided to give the speech a try anyway. "Well...another year gone by, so...uh, another...year...um...gone by, and I uh...hope it was good, and...um...well, we all seem to have found romance, so that's lovely, and...um...Bill Weasley is sucking on my mother's earlobe, isn't that what I want to see right before I eat...well...I hope this next year is...good...and...oh sod it all to bloody hell, let's just eat."

He flopped back in his seat and sighed. Harry patted his arm sympathetically and reached for the roast potatoes.

The food was excellent, as the food at Malfoy Manor always is. Everyone was happily eating away, but Draco just kept staring at his parents, and then shaking his head.

It didn't help matters - not in the slightest - when Ron showed up to wish Draco a happy birthday half way through the meal.

"Happy Birthday, Malfoy. And buck up. You look like seven kinds of hell."

"Gee, thanks Weasley," Draco drawled sarcastically. "In case you hadn't noticed, my world has fallen apart. Look at my parents. Just look at them!"

Ron and Harry looked. Lucius was feeding Snape from his own plate and Bill was nibbling on Narcissa's neck.

Ron shrugged. "That's not so bad. Besides, you haven't even realized the most brilliant part of all this."

"Oh yeah? And what, pray tell, is that?" Draco asked snidely.

Ron smirked evilly. "If your mum and dad break up, and then your mum marries my brother Bill, you'll have to call me Uncle Ron."

There was stunned silence for a moment, then -

"YODA!"

The little house elf appeared with a pop.

"Calling for me, Master Draco is?"

"Scotch. Bring me scotch. And a lot of it. I'm getting bloody pissed."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Much later...

"They're not actshally together, you know Harry."

"Who's not actually together? And pass me that treacle tart, would you?"

"Daddy and Profesh...Profesh...Profeshor Shnape. Not together. Not really."

"Ah, there we go. Thank you. Now what's this rubbish about your dad and Snape not being together? What about your mum and Bill?"

"Mummy and that Weashley are not together either. Nope nope nope nope nope."

"Draco, love, are you drunk?"

Emphatic shaking of the head. "No, coursh not. Shober as...well...very very shober. Promish."

"Uh-huh. Sure you are. Well, I hate to break it to you, but Bill Weasley has just become your mother's boy-toy."

"No he hashn't! They're just friendsh. Mummy shaid sho."

"Well, what about the fact that your dad and Snape are now very much an item?"

"Nuh-uh!" More empathic head shaking. "Nope. Not really. They're just...experimenting."

"Draco...are you going into denial?"

"Who, me? Coursh not. Don't be ridi...ridi...shtupid."

"So you admit that they're together then?"

"NO! It's just a phashe. Daddy's really shtraight ash an arrow."

"Straight as an arrow...right...Draco, can you remember anything about your dad right now?"

"Only that he's shtraight. Very shtraight. Lovesh my mum. Very faithful."

"Very faith...riiight. Okay, love. I think Mr. Denial has had enough scotch for one night. Why don't you go lie down?"

"No! Not tired...not tired...not...mmmmm...zzzzz..."

'''''''''''''''''''''''

After Draco fell asleep in the bread pudding, Harry carefully moved the blonde head into his lap, and then attempted to finish his dinner. The big problem with finishing dinner, being, of course, that no with no Draco to distract him, and with Bill and Narcissa still sucking face, he was stuck watching and listening to Lucius and Snape.

"God, you were so hot last night," Lucius was saying, licking mashed potatoes off of Snape's offered fingers.

"Mmm, you too," Snape said, his eyes half-closed as Lucius's mouth closed around his finger. "You're hot now. So hot...so very, deliciously - "

"Gay?" Harry offered. Two heads turned in his directions with matching irritated expressions.

"What are you even doing here right now, Potter?" Snape asked, annoyance coloring his voice.

"I'm Draco's boyfriend, remember?" Harry said, pointedly looking at Lucius Malfoy. "Can you admit that now that you're sucking on Snape's finger?"

Lucius sighed. "I suppose I may as well get used to the fact that my son has a boyfriend. Why it had to be you, I'm sure I don't know." He turned back to Snape. "I can't believe I've had to put up with the Boy Who Lived at my manor for the entire Christmas holidays."

"You have my utmost pity," Snape said sincerely. "So you're acting as Potter's guardian right now?"

"Yes. And he's a mouthy little brat, let me tell you."

"I'm sitting right here, you know," said Harry, sounding a bit offended. "I can hear every word you're saying."

Lucius and Snape ignored him.

"Yes, I know he is. I have him in class. Arrogant chit. Just like his father. Mind you, there is something rather...alluring about that Potter arrogance, don't you think?"

Harry gasped. "WHAT did you just say?"

"Oh yes. I'd get so mad at James for flirting with the girls, and he'd just be all, "Whatever, Lucius, you know you want me." And damn if the bastard wasn't right."

"Yes, well, who didn't want him? Honestly, the man was a complete arse and yet I couldn't get enough of him."

Harry looked absolutely horrified. "Professor...Professor did you just say..."

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "So you and James..."

"What? Oh no, no. Just a lot of unresolved sexual tension, you know? Mind you, I might have gone for it if - "

"STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!! FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN STOP TALKING ABOUT MY DAD!!! YOU TWO ARE SERIOUSLY FREAKING ME OUT!!"

"What's got your knickers in a twist, Potter?" Snape drawled with a raised eyebrow. Then he turned to Lucius. "Merlin, Potter is annoying. You're his guardian, can't you do anything?"

"Actually, yes I can. As his guardian I can punish him any way I see fit."

"Oh, you lucky dog! I only get to take House Points away and give detentions."

"And you do it rather a lot, don't you think?" Harry said irritably.

"Oh, please punish him Lucius!" Snape said, sounding excited. "Do it for me."

"Anything for you, Sev," Lucius said in a sappy voice, before turning to Harry. "Potter, you're grounded."

"What? But I didn't do anything! Why on earth am I grounded?"

Lucius smiled evilly. "Because it makes Severus happy."

Snape had a very smug look on his face. "Punish him some more, Lucius. It makes me very happy."

Harry sputtered. "Why...why you filthy, dirty PERVERT..."

"Watch your mouth, Harry, and don't be rude to our guests. No allowance for you this week."

Harry scowled. "You're not giving me an allowance, Lucius."

"Oh." Lucius looked surprised. "Well, in that case, you don't get any more dessert tonight. And you have to go to bed early."

"You've got to be kidding me." Harry was beyond exasperated. Lucius and Snape were snickering together like school girls.

"More, more! Oh, this is so much fun!"

"Potter, no sending owls to your friends."

"What? But I - "

"And no flooing anywhere for a week."

"But - "

"And you have to clean Draco's room tonight."

Harry sulked. "You're a bad man, Lucius Malfoy."

"Oh, can I spank him Lucius? Please? He's had it coming to him for six years."

"Okay, that's it. You just crossed the line," Harry said crossly. He turned to Narcissa on Bill's lap. "Mrs. Malfoy," he said earnestly, tugging on Narcissa's cloak. "Mr. Malfoy's trying to punish me. Again."

Lucius and Snape shot Harry twin death glares.

"Tattletale," Lucius muttered under his breath.

Narcissa stopped kissing Bill just long enough to sort things out. "Lucius, leave poor Harry alone," Narcissa scolded, before smiling down at Harry. "Harry darling, you don't have to listen to a word Lucius says, alright?"

And with that she went back to kissing Bill.

"Thank you, Mrs. Malfoy," Harry said, shooting a triumphant look at Snape and Lucius.

"Way to spoil all our fun, Potter," Lucius said, sounding a bit sulky. "Perhaps I should give you to the Dark Lord after all."

Snape cleared his throat. "Well...uh...you wouldn't really want to do that, would you? I mean, that's just a little extreme, giving Potter to the Dark Lord and all..."

Lucius looked at him, confused. "But I thought you'd think it was a good idea, us being Death Eat - oh. OH." He leaned in to whisper to Snape. "Potter doesn't know you're a Death Eater, does he? Don't worry, I won't tell."

Harry, who had heard everyone word, raised his eyebrow at Snape. Snape gave him a look of pure, fabricated innocence.

What? He mouthed at Harry.

Does he know you're a spy? Harry mouthed back.

Snape looked uncomfortable for a second. It was all Harry needed for an answer.

I'm gonna tell him, Harry mouthed with an evil grin, pointing at Lucius.

"Potter," Snape spat out loud, but at that moment Lucius jumped up.

"Two hours until midnight, everyone!" he said cheerfully. "Now, who wants to play some parlour games until then?"

A collective cheer went up, loudest from Lucius's "business partners" and the ballroom was quickly vacated.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

After a couple rousing hours of parlour games, it was now nearly midnight. Harry was sitting on a couch in the parlour, Draco fast asleep with his head on Harry's lap (Harry had carried him in). He was chatting happily about the past few months with Ron and Hermione, stroking Draco's hair.

"Good sixth year so far, then, you'd say Harry?" Ron asked. Harry smiled down at Draco's sleeping form.

"Yeah," he said fondly, leaning down and kissing Draco's head. "Great so far. I found true love and tamed myself a dragon."

Hermione and Ron rolled their eyes but smiled anyway.

"There you are, Harry darling!" Narcissa trilled, walking up to the group. "And is that Draco sleeping on you?"

"Yes," Harry admitted. "He kind of had a rough day. I think he's a bit worn out."

"Poor dear," Narcissa said, patting Draco's head. "Still, you'll wake him up for the count down, won't you Harry?"

Harry furrowed his brow. "Actually, I was thinking I'd just let him sleep through it."

"Sleep through it? Nonsense!" Lucius had just walked up to the group and was eying his snoozing son. "I'm sure Draco wants to ring in the New Year with us all."

"I'm not so sure about that," Harry said, spying Bill and Snape waiting just beyond Draco's parents.

"Don't worry, Harry darling," Narcissa trilled. "Draco wouldn't want to miss the New Year! Lucius, sweetie, wake him up, would you?" She asked as she left the group, heading back over to Bill.

"Actually, I really think he would prefer - "

It was no use. Lucius had already pointed his wand at Draco.

"Enervate!"

Draco woke with a start, and he sat up from Harry's lap. "Wha - huh - who - ?" He blinked in confusion.

"Hmmm..." Lucius said. "Better add this one too. Sobrietus!"

Draco's eyes immediately went from fuzzy to focused, and he blinked at Harry.

"That's better. And look, it's only fifteen minutes to midnight! Where's Severus? I'm going to start my New Year's Eve kiss early!"

And with that Lucius sauntered off. Draco looked at Harry in horror.

"It wasn't a dream."

Harry, and Hermione gave Draco pitying looks.

Ron only grinned at him. "Do you have a kiss for your Uncle Ron?"

Draco's eyes darted back and forth between his mother and Bill, and his father and Snape. His mother and Bill...his father and Snape...his mother and Bill...Uncle Ron...

Draco turned to Harry with desperation in his eyes.

"Fuck me, Harry."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Fuck. Me. Harry," Draco said, enunciating every syllable. "Fuck me into next week. Fuck me into the floor. I want you to fuck me so hard and so well that I won't remember one single thing that happened tonight beyond the fact that I got incredibly and thoroughly shagged. Got it?"

Harry, whose eyes had glazed over completely during Draco's little speech, could only gape at him.

"Oh yes, Harry, what a great idea. You should shag him," Hermione agreed, a little too fervently. "It will really help him forget."

"But...but are you sure?" Harry said, a little worried about Draco's current state of mind.

Hermione nodded fervently. "Oh yes. It would really help him. In fact, you should shag him like you did that time you shagged him silly."

"YES," Draco said, pointing at Hermione. "YES. Shag me like that. Exactly like that. I want you to shag my brains out."

Harry hesitated. "I don't know...are you sure you're not still drunk?"

"Oh, he's not drunk at all," Hermione said quickly. "Go on Harry. Shag him rotten. Give him a good seeing to."

"But all these people..." Harry said, glancing around at the enormous crowd of friends, family, reporters, "business partners," and more, all waiting to celebrate the New Year. Draco leaned in close.

"Scared, Potter?"

That did it.

"You wish," Harry replied, standing up and hauling Draco to his feet. "Let's go, Blondie. You're about to get shagged out of your bloody mind."

Hermione watched them start to walk away with a satisfied smile that made Ron raise an eyebrow.

"Why so smug?" he asked his girlfriend in a whisper.

"Because," she whispered back. "Remember how I told you I found out that the shagged silly potion would wear off after two lunar cycles?"

Ron nodded.

Hermione smiled evilly. "The second lunar cycle ended approximately two hours and fifteen minutes ago."

Ron gaped at her.

"Hermione!" he said, aghast. "That means Harry could shag Draco silly again! And after the little talk you two gave him he probably bloody will right now."

"I know." Hermione cackled wickedly. Ron looked at her sternly.

"You can't let them do that."

"But they stole my BOOK."

Ron's mouth dropped open. "They stole your book? Your little black book? The one that we use?"

Hermione nodded.

Ron whirled around and called out, "Hey Harry, Malfoy!"

Harry and Draco were halfway out the door by this point, but they paused and turned to hear what Ron had to say.

"What's up, Ron?"

Ron smiled at them. "Why go all the way to Malfoy's room to shag? That's much too far. Just use the room right next door."

"You mean the one just a few feet away from this very crowded room? With all the couches? The one that doesn't lock properly?"

"That's the one."

Harry and Draco exchanged glances, then Draco shrugged.

"It is much closer. Let's go."

Harry's best friends watched as Harry and Draco left, and then Hermione turned and smirked at Ron. "You're wicked."

Ron smirked back. "No, you are."

''''''''''''''''''''''

"Five...four...three...two...one!" the happy crowd of partiers cried out as the clock struck midnight. "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"

THUD!

Lucius froze. He knew that thud.

He turned to Snape and his other "business partners."

"I'll be right back," he whispered, and they nodded knowingly.

He headed for the door. A reporter from the Daily Prophet caught his arm.

"What was that thud?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh, that was the Dar...dar...darn bunny making all that noise," Lucius said, with a falsely cheerful smile. "You know how bunnies like to hop so, um...loudly."

There was another loud bang, and then a shout of, "Wormtail, you idiot, you've Apparated right on top of my new shoes! Honestly, do you know how hard it is to find stilettos in a size 13?"

Lucius smile faded slightly. "Well, I'll just go see about that bunny, shall I?"

He quickly left the parlour, being careful to shut the door securely after him.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Welcome, my Lord," Lucius said, as he entered the study where the Dark Lord and Wormtail were bickering. "How lovely to see you. Happy New Year. No you can't have Harry Potter."

Lord Voldemort looked at Lucius sourly. "How did you know that's what I was going to ask you?"

"Lucky guess." Lucius went into a cabinet and removed a wrapped package. "For you, my Lord. Happy Christmas."

The Dark Lord perked right back up. "Oh, Lucius, are these the pajamas I wanted, with the gold blood on them? You're too much." He took the package from Lucius, adjusting the green, scaly man-bag on his shoulder as he did so. "So how are you liking your new man-bag? I thought they really complemented our robes."

"And well they do, My Lord. Your taste in accessories is only bested by your astounding fashion sense."

"Oh, you're too kind. I got one for all of my Death Eaters you know, - well, except Bella, I got her a nice, big sword and some magically converted power tools."

"Well, I love mine," Wormtail said, indicating the fuchsia bag on his shoulder. "It's dead useful for storing cheese."

"Is it?" Lucius said conversationally. "Well, you know, Sever - uh, I mean my wife, is waiting for me, so I probably should get back. Unless there is anything else?"

"No, we'll just be off. And you're absolutely sure I can't - "

"No. No Harry Potter."

Lord Voldemort sighed. "Very well then. But one of these days I'm going to get that little bugger. You mark my words."

"Consider them marked, My Lord," Lucius said, as he left the study.

"Back to Riddle Manor, then?" Wormtail asked.

The Dark Lord nodded. "Absolutely." He was about to Apparate when something caught his attention.

"Hello, what's this?"

The latest fashion magazine was sitting on a side table next to the big leather couch.

"Well, how do you like that?" Lord Voldemort said, walking over and picking up the magazine. "I've been dying to see what they're doing with dress robes for the mid-winter season. I'm sure Lucius won't mind if I borrow this. I imagine it'll be very useful."

And with that he stuck the fashion magazine in his man-bag and Apparated away.

THE END

''''''''''''''''''''''''