Rating:: R
House:: Riddikulus
Characters:: Draco Malfoy Harry Potter
Genres:: Romance Humor
Era:: Multiple Eras
Spoilers:: Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:: Published: 05/14/2004

Updated: 01/04/2005

Words: 114,843

Chapters: 29

Hits: 563,518

Dragon Tamer

jennavere

Story Summary:: Desperate to avoid an arranged marriage, Draco convinces Harry to pretend to be his boyfriend. What follows is an epic romantic comedy involving scheming, snogging, silliness, shagging, snarky boys, superstars, singing, shagging, snuggling, secrets, sex gods, shagging, and a bunny named Draco Lucius Malfoy the Third. HD SLASH (and how!).

Chapter 02

Chapter Summary:: So Draco's got a desperate plan...is Harry going to go along with it?

Posted:: 05/27/2004

Hits:: 22,349

Author's Note:: As I said in Chapter 1, this is an R-rated slash comedy. Lots of romance and humor, but it really, really will be an R-rated story, and it really, really will be slash. Please don't read it if these things offend you. For everyone else - thanks for reading my story!

Chapter 2: The Scam

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Harry could not believe his ears. WHAT had Malfoy just said? His boyfriend? I don't think so. Harry, and was just opening his mouth to say so when Draco carried on.

"See Dad, that's why I couldn't tell you who I was seeing, because it was Harry Potter! And you see now why I can't marry Pansy, I'm in love with the Boy-who-lived!"

Harry almost laughed out loud, but held himself. This was certainly an interesting situation. He knew Draco was gay, everyone knew that, and he didn't blame Draco for not wanting to marry Pansy. He looked at Draco, wondering why on earth Draco thought he was going to go along with his crazy story.

Then he looked at Draco's eyes. They were beyond desperate. Draco was begging him to help him. And inwardly, Harry sighed, because he knew he WAS going to go along with Draco's crazy story. He was too much of a Gryffindor for his own good, sometimes.

"Is this true, Potter?" Lucius's voice was very soft, but the look on his face was pure murder. Harry and Lucius had loathed each other since the incident with Dobby in Harry's second year. Each time Harry defeated Voldemort, Lucius hated him more and more. For his part, Harry couldn't stand even the sight of Lucius Malfoy, and was about to say something scathing when a realization occurred to him.

Lucius was absolutely furious at the idea that Harry was dating his son. Completely pissed off. And if there was one thing Harry enjoyed absolutely, it was pissing off Lucius Malfoy. The Slytherin within him g.

"Why, yes, it's true, Malfoy," Harry smiled up at Lucius, wrapping his arm around Draco's waist and pulling him close. "Your son and I are deeply and passionately in love."

Draco breathed a tiny, inaudible sigh of relief that Harry was going along with this. Then he got a good look at Harry's face, and began to get a little nervous. Harry had a wicked glint in his vivid green eyes.

Harry continued speaking to Lucius. "You see, Draco came to me at the beginning of the year and confessed everything. How he had always loved me but never thought I would return his love, how all the animosity on his part had been desperate attempts to get my attention. He was just so adorably honest and cute, how could I not forgive him for everything and fall madly in love with him?"

Harry was enjoying the effects that his words were having on Lucius Malfoy. Lucius wasn't taking too kindly to the idea that his son was adorable or cute, and he especially didn't like the idea that his son was in love with Harry Potter. If he had been pissed before, that was nothing compared to what he was feeling now.

"Draco?" The word held a warning in it, and Lucius was now looking at his son, his anger written all over his face. Draco gulped, but knew this was his one chance to get out of marrying Pansy.

"Yes, Father, it's true. I.wanted him." Draco prayed that Potter would just shut up now and play along, but Harry was having way too much fun.

"Oh, Draco, silly, don't play yourself down. Lucius, your son is such a romantic, always bringing me flowers, sending me secret notes, meeting me up in my room in Griffandor tower -"

"Potter, shut up!" Draco hissed under his breath. Lucius was ready to kill. Harry just smirked. Draco took a deep breath. "Father, I know it's hard to believe but Pot - Harry makes me...really happy. And I want to be with him."

Lucius looked at his son carefully, trying to decide if he was telling the truth.

"Fine, Draco, if you are truly in love with Potter here I won't make you marry Pansy." Draco sighed in relief. "BUT," and here Draco looked positively terrified again, "I'm not absolutely convinced you are telling me the truth, so I will make you a deal. If you and Potter are still dating by the end of the year, you will not have to marry Pansy. However, in the meantime, you and Potter will come out to the entire school about your relationship - after all, no need to keep it a secret now that I know, is there?"

Draco gulped again. Lucius continued. "This way, I will hear about it if you break up. And mark my words, if you break up with Potter here, you WILL be marrying Pansy Parkinson, and that's final. Understood?"

Draco took a deep breath and looked over at Harry, eyes pleading one last time. Harry just rolled his eyes, then nodded. Draco could have kissed him at that moment - nothing was better than marrying Pansy. Draco looked back at his father.

"Understood." The voice chanting fuck fuck FUCK in his head gradually subsided, and Draco breathed freely. He couldn't believe he had gotten away with this. Of course he had to pretend he was seeing Potter for the next several months, but compared to lifetime of marriage to someone he wasn't remotely interested in he'd take Potter any day.

"And you, Potter, you understand this arrangement?" Lucius was sneering down at Harry. Harry didn't even flinch.

"Oh, I'd never break up with Draco, he's just way too good in bed."

At those words Lucius and Draco both chocked and sent him twin Malfoy death glares. A single Malfoy death glare is usually enough to send a normal person fleeing with their tail between their legs. Luckily, Harry Potter has never really been what could be considered a "normal person."

"Shall we go on to the Great Hall, then? I'm just dying to tell everyone the news," said Harry cheerfully, and dragged Draco out of the room by his hand, with Lucius following behind him, cursing under his breath.

Harry and Draco headed towards the Great Hall, hand in hand, with Lucius behind them just out of earshot. Taking his one opportunity to talk privately to Harry, Draco leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"Look, Potter, I appreciate you doing me this favor and all, but are you quite done humiliating me?"

Harry looked at Draco with ridiculously big, innocent eyes. "Why Malfoy, whatever do you mean?"

"You know exactly what the fuck I mean!" Draco hissed in his ear.

"Malfoy, language!" Harry couldn't fight back a grin. Draco gave him a murderous look and continued.

"Stop making up ridiculous things about me. My father is going to kill you."

Harry just smirked and quipped sarcastically. "Oh, I'm so scared. I'm shaking."

Draco sent Harry a death glare, but secretly (though he would never admit it), he was a little impressed. Harry obviously wasn't scared of his father. "Maybe he's braver than I thought," Draco thought to himself, and then quickly banished the insolent thought. He turned his attention back to the matter at hand.

"Potter, listen, if you know what's good for you, you will stop embarrassing me, got it?" Draco hoped his message had gotten through. Harry just looked at him incredulously.

"Okay, Malfoy, first off, you really aren't in any position to be making threats, now, are you? You need my help, not the other way around. And second," and here, Harry got that wicked gleam in his eyes that made Draco so damn nervous, "I haven't even BEGUN to embarrass you yet," and with that they walked into the Great Hall, still holding hands, and Draco was very, very afraid.

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