- Rating:
- R
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Characters:
- Draco Malfoy Harry Potter
- Genres:
- Romance Humor
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Spoilers:
- Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
- Stats:
-
Published: 05/14/2004Updated: 01/04/2005Words: 114,843Chapters: 29Hits: 563,518
Dragon Tamer
jennavere
- Story Summary:
- Desperate to avoid an arranged marriage, Draco convinces Harry to pretend to be his boyfriend. What follows is an epic romantic comedy involving scheming, snogging, silliness, shagging, snarky boys, superstars, singing, shagging, snuggling, secrets, sex gods, shagging, and a bunny named Draco Lucius Malfoy the Third. HD SLASH (and how!).
Chapter 01
- Chapter Summary:
- To avoid an arranged marriage, Draco gets Harry to be his boyfriend. Outrageously shallow plot? Check. Superstar!Harry and Draco behaving badly? You bet. Absolute mayhem and craziness? Oh yes. Pack your compass, because it’s a wild ride. Slash.
- Posted:
- 05/14/2004
- Hits:
- 34,882
- Author's Note:
- Attention, please: The story you are about to read contains slash of the Harry and Draco variety, and it
Chapter 1: Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures
******************
"Five minutes...just five more minutes," Harry Potter was muttering to himself, trying desperately to will himself through the end of his potions class. He was dying to get out of the dreary dungeon and into the Great Hall for lunch. As he began cleaning up his desk, anticipating his freedom, the door to the classroom opened and a fifth year Ravenclaw student he didn't know walked over to Snape's desk and handed him a note.
Snape looked at the note briefly, then called out, "Mr. Malfoy, you are excused early. Your father is waiting to speak to you." Draco Malfoy gave every one his trademark smirk, grabbed his things and strode towards the front of the classroom. Harry cursed under his breath, ridiculously envious of Malfoy and fervently wishing that he could leave this hell hole.
As Draco passed by Harry's desk (Harry being made to sit in the front of the classroom where Snape could keep an eye on him), he imperceptively reached out with his wand and knocked over a large vial of armadillo bile - all over Harry's desk.
"MALFOY!" Harry shouted, but to no avail. Flashing him a decidedly wicked smirk, Draco slipped out the door. Snape was on him in an instant.
"That will be five points from Gryffindor, Potter, for wasting valuable potions ingredients," Snapeled.
'But Malfoy - "
"And five more points for trying to blame your own ineptitude on another student."
Harry rolled his eyes, seething inside. Snape turned to the rest of the class and spoke.
"Class dismissed. Except of course, for Potter, who will not even think of leaving until he has cleaned up every drop of armadillo bile." Biting back a million angry retorts (mostly having to do with what he thought of Snape with a healthy dose of insults pertaining to Snape's mother), Harry grabbed a cleaning rag, and went to work, catching the sympathic eyes of fellow Gryffindors while he steadfastly ignored the jeers of the Slytherins.
"Don't bother waiting for me," he said to Ron and Hermione as they walked by. "I'll just catch up with you in the Great Hall." Ron looked furious, and muttered something that Harry was quite sure Mrs. Weaseley would never approve of under his breath as Hermione cast Harry a sympathetic look and steered Ron out of the classroom.
"See you at lunch, then, Harry," said Hermione, and she and Ron disappeared out the door.
Meanwhile...
"What?!?" Draco Malfoy was staring at his father, aghast. "You can't be serious?"
"Of course I'm serious, Draco! Why on earth not? It's a perfectly acceptable practice among pure-blooded wizards."
Lucius and Draco Malfoy were standing in a small room by the Great Hall, and Lucius had just given Draco some unappreciated news.
"Father, I can't marry Pansy Parkinson, you know this! Did you really expect me to agree to an arranged marriage?" Draco felt like his head was spinning, and the word fuck kept repeating itself over and over in his head.
"Draco, really, be practical here. I expect you to agree because I expect you to do your duty by the Malfoy name. Miss Parkinson is a lovely witch from a good family. You two will be married right after your graduation from Hogwarts." Lucius seemed to consider the matter settled.
Lucius sighed heavily. "Forgotten, what, exactly, Draco?"
"Um, maybe that I'm GAY??" Draco could not believe he was having this conversation with his father. When he came out to his dad last year, he really thought that his father had understood.
"Draco, if you are referring to your little 'tryst' with the Zabini boy last year, I hardly think that makes you gay. You were just experimenting. It's not like you're seeing anybody now. And it's certainly not a reason to back out of your arranged marriage."
Draco just stared at his father, at a loss of words (for once in his life). Months of passionate sex with 'the Zabini boy' was hardly a tryst in his mind, not to mention the Ravenclaw prefect he had fooled around with and the Quidditch player from over the summer. Then he grasped desperately at the one thing his father had said that he might be able to use to get out of this situation.
"Wait, Father, what if I told you I was seeing someone now?" Draco held his breath.
Lucius looked at him carefully. "I suppose if you were seeing someone now, I might be more willing to believe your sexuality is real and not a passing fancy. However, Draco, that is hardly the point, you're not seeing anyone, you are obviously just trying to back out of this marriage and that's just not -
"But I AM seeing someone!" Draco shouted desperately. Lucius frowned heavily at being interrupted.
"Really, Draco? I'm disinclined to believe you. May I ask why you haven't told me?"
Draco thought fast. "Because we've been keeping it a secret."
Lucius scoffed. "Nice try, Draco, but nobody would keep the fact that they were dating a Malfoy secret. It's quite an honor."
"Well, yes, but see, we were keeping it a secret because of him, I wasn't sure I could tell you yet, you know, he's so different from us, we were just being cautious..." Draco knew he was babbling, but he was desperate here. Marriage to Pansy Parkinson was NOT an option.
"Fine, Draco, I don't believe you but I'll play along with your little game. So just who is this mysterious boy that you've been seeing, that you feel you have to hide from your father?" Lucius raised on eyebrow in challenge to his son. Draco felt his heart pounding in his chest.
"Father, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Harry Potter."
Author notes: Think this is a very silly premise for a plot? Outrageously shallow, even? Me too. But this is a humor story, so just work with me here. Thanks for reading!