Dragon Tamer

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Dragon Tamer

Chapter 27: Black Books and Red Pajamas

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"Grounded? Grounded? How the hell can I be grounded?"

"Shut up, Potter. In case you've somehow forgotten, I'm grounded too, so quit your whining."

Harry and Draco had dutifully returned to Draco's room and were now in the sitting area in front of the fireplace. Harry was standing up and pacing about the room while Draco lounged on the leather sofa, reading his "fashion magazine."

"But Draco, how can your dad ground me? I'm your boyfriend! And a house guest! Not to mention a celebrity!"

"Channeling our inner diva again, are we Harry?" Draco said mildly, turning a page. He was trying to decide between trying out some of the new positions recommended for shower sex or whether to call for Yoda to have him bring up strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate so he could make himself a Harry Potter sundae.

Harry gave Draco a dirty look and flopped down on the sofa next to him. "I didn't mean it like that, you prat. I was just thinking about the horrible headlines that will be printed if The Daily Prophet finds out about this: Death Eater Find New Horrible Punishment for Boy Who Lives - Harry Potter Grounded. Ugh, I can't bear to think about it."

"Mmm, yes. Absolutely dreadful," Draco muttered distractedly. Shower or sundae...shower or sundae...

"Honestly, grounded by a Death Eater. What's next? I bet the next time I have to duel with Lord Voldemort he's just going to say 'Potter, I was going to kill you, but I've changed my mind. Now I'm just going to take away your allowance.'"

"Sounds like fun," Draco replied, having just decided on a Potter sundae first, followed by wickedly hot shower sex.

"You're not even listening to me," Harry said petulantly. He looked over at Draco, who was immersed in his "magazine." "What could possibly be so interesting in that publication that makes it worth ignoring me?"

"Article on the rarity of natural blondes and why we're such a hot commodity," Draco lied smoothly. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Figures. Vain git."

"I'm not the one whining about getting poor press in The Prophet," Draco pointed out, setting the magazine down on the coffee table. "Are you hungry?"

"What?"

"Hungry, Potter. As in, do you want something to eat?"

Harry shrugged. "Sure. What'd you have in mind?"

Draco smiled wickedly. "I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Much, much later a sticky, chocolate and whipped cream covered Harry and Draco finally found their way into Draco's enormous sunken tub where they lay snuggled together, Harry lying in between Draco's legs with his back against Draco's chest. Draco's arms were wrapped tightly around Harry and his chin was resting on Harry's shoulder.

"That," said Harry, sighing blissfully, "was amazing."

"I know," Draco said, slightly smugly, writing Granger another mental thank you note. He tightened his grip around Harry's waist and turned to kiss Harry's cheek. "You make a very tasty sundae, you know."

"Do I?" Harry said playfully, turning his own head to kiss Draco properly, if rather lazily. Their lips moved together languidly, and as Harry's tongue snaked into Draco's mouth he could taste the strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate that Draco had licked off him.

Despite being completely relaxed not two seconds earlier, that delicious combination of tastes flooded his senses and woke him back up. He reached out and grabbed Draco behind the head , threading his fingers through his wet hair and turning the blonde head so he could deepen the kiss.

Draco, who always found himself melting when Harry kissed him like this, let out a soft noise that echoed off the tiles and cut through the constant pounding of the shower. That was all the encouragement Harry needed before turning in Draco's arms so that they were face to face, Harry on his knees between Draco's legs. He leaned forward, pressing Draco against the cool porcelain of the tub, not breaking the kiss. His tongue continued to plunder Draco's mouth, seeking out every last trace of chocolate and strawberry that still lingered in their kiss.

Reaching out with the hand that wasn't holding Draco's head, Harry felt around and grabbed the first bottle that he came in contact with. Popping open the top, he regretfully let go of Draco's hair to squeeze some of the smooth liquid into his hand.

A cool, elegant scent that practically screamed Draco wafted through the shower. Draco pulled back, panting, to look up at Harry.

"That's my personal bodywash, you know, Potter," he said, lifting an eyebrow. "My very own, specially made, customized, very expensive bodywash. That one bottle alone probably cost more than Weasley's dad makes in a year, and you're going to use it like this?"

Harry casually dropped his hand onto a very specific part of Draco's anatomy that didn't seem to have issues being covered in expensive bodywash.

"Do you really care?" he asked carelessly as his hand began moving up and down. Draco stiffened.

"On second thought - no, not really," Draco managed to squeak out. Harry added a second hand. "Or not at all. Nope, no problems. None whatsoever."

"That's what I thought," said Harry smoothly, leaning in to kiss Draco again.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Friday passed in a very mild manner. Draco and Harry spent most of the time closeted in Draco's room, coming down only for meals. Harry wondered just how long it would be before Lucius realized that by grounding them he had basically given Harry and Draco license to shag like bunnies.

Saturday, or Christmas Eve, didn't pass in nearly so mild a manner. No indeed.

It started out harmlessly enough. Harry and the Malfoys were gathered around the breakfast table, eating crepes with raspberries. Harry and Narcissa were deeply engrossed in a chat about Quidditch and Draco was dressing DLM in a new jumper that read "Hopping Mad for Harry Potter."

Lucius, trying very very hard to ignore what his son was doing, discreetly pushed The Daily Prophet over to Draco, open to one of the back pages.

FORMER HOGWARTS STUDENT AT ST. MUNGO'S DISCOVERED TO HAVE MISSING 'BITS' was the headline. Draco smirked and began to read the article.

It was discovered late last night that Mr. Terry Boot, former Hogwarts prefect convicted of attempted rape, appears to have been the victim of some vigilante justice. Mr. Boot was found in screaming in his St. Mungo's bed last night, shouting "It's gone! It's gone!" Upon further inspection, it was indeed found that Mr. Boot was no longer in possession of his "bits."

"It's the strangest thing," said Dr. Wilma Workman, an internist at St. Mungo's. "I was doing rounds and I heard this screaming, and then it was just...missing. Someone must have snuck in late in the night and used a special curse to remove his -

"Whatcha reading, Draco?" Harry asked, craning his neck to look over Draco's shoulder.

"Nothing!" Draco squeaked, shoving the paper over to his dad, who quickly vanished it. He smiled weakly at Harry. "Just some fiscal report about increased taxes for the ridiculously wealthy."

"Oh," said Harry, wrinkling his nose. "Sounds boring."

"It is. Very boring. Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about."

Harry rolled his eyes and turned back to talking about seeker tactics with Narcissa. Draco flashed his dad a discreet thumbs-up sign. Lucius smirked back.

In hindsight, Draco should have known that just because he dad was looking out for his son when it came to vengeful ex-boyfriends did not mean that his dad had given up turning his son straight as an arrow.

When lunch rolled around and the family was again seated around the dining table, Lucius' newest ploy to stuff his son securely back in the closet reared its ugly head.

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"Cissa, darling, I've been thinking," Lucius began casually as lunch was ending, in a tone of voice that should have told Draco that he was clearly up to no good. "Why don't you take little Harry here out shopping this afternoon? The boy could use some new clothes, and it'd be a chance for him to get out of the house a bit, stretch his legs."

"Get out of the house and stretch his legs?" Draco said, incredulously. "This place is gigantic. Harry can stretch his legs just by walking from my bed to the bathroom."

Lucius shot him a dirty look. "Yes, but I still think it'd be nice for Harry to get out with your mother for a bit. I'm sure she'd love to by him some new clothes."

"Lucius, what a simply wonderful idea!" Narcissa gushed. "I would positively adore taking Harry out shopping!"

"Oh no, I couldn't," Harry stammered. "You're already letting me stay here, I couldn't possibly let you buy me anything. I have plenty of money, you don't have to - "

"YAY SHOPPING!" Draco said enthusiastically. "I'll go get my coat."

"Oh no you don't, young man," Lucius said firmly. "You'll be staying right here."

"What?"

"You're grounded, remember?"

"But...what...but how come Harry gets to go?" Draco complained, confused. "You said Harry was grounded too!"

"Oh, but Harry knows I didn't really mean it, right Harry?" Lucius said with a winning smile at the bewildered Gryffindor. He even went so far as to ruffle Harry's hair, leaving Harry wide-eyed and perplexed. "After all, Draco, Harry's a celebrity. I can't ground a celebrity."

"But Daddy - "

"Draco, rules are rules. You're grounded until your birthday, and that means no allowance, no flooing, no owls to your friends, and most definitely no shopping. So you're staying home, and Harry's going out with your mother."

"Mum!" Draco whined. "This isn't fair!"

"I'm sorry, darling, but those are the house rules. Now do as your father says."

Draco crossed his arms over his chest and pouted horribly. Harry cleared his throat.

"Well, if Draco can't go than I really shouldn't - "

"Nonsense, Harry. Draco wouldn't want you to stay home just because he's grounded," Narcissa said sweetly.

Draco opened his mouth to say "Actually Mum, I want that very much," but Narcissa was already continuing.

"Now run along and get your coat, Harry dear, and we'll floo to Diagon Alley. Oh, I can't wait to see you try on the newest line of robes from Gladrag's!"

Harry looked from one Malfoy to the next. Narcissa was beaming at him, Draco was glaring and pouting at Lucius, and Lucius...well, he looked just a little too innocent to be believable.

Still, Harry was really fond of Narcissa, and she seemed so genuinely excited, so with a last apologetic look at his sulking boyfriend he went upstairs to get his coat.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Harry had just grabbed his coat from Draco's bedroom and was just about to walk out the door when he heard a tapping noise at the window. Turning around, he saw Hedwig looking in. He rushed over to the window and opened it, and Hedwig soared inside and landed on the mantel, holding her foot out.

"Got a letter for me?" Harry asked, untying the letter with one hand and stroking Hedwig's feathers with the other. Hedwig hooted importantly. Harry pulled the letter off and slowly unrolled it.

Dear Harry,

It sounds like you're having a lovely holiday at the Malfoys. Do they really have a House Elf named Yoda? I couldn't stop giggling when I read that! I'm having a wonderful time at home, although Ron seems to be nervous about meeting my parents. Typical boy.

Anyway, it was great to hear from you! See you next week at Draco's birthday party!

Love Hermione

Ps. I seem to have lost my book. YOU KNOW WHICH BOOK I MEAN. Tell me, by any chance do you know where it is? I admit, I'm a little bit suspicious that Draco may have nicked it. Write me back and tell me as soon as you can.

Harry smiled to himself, imaging Ron hanging out with the Grangers. It would be so funny to see Ron, who knew nothing about muggles, trying to figure out a muggle house with muggle appliances and electricity and -

Wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hermione had lost her book? The book? Her book of kinky-monkey sex ideas?

Well, that was a shame, to be sure. Harry had really wanted to get his hands on that little black book of hers. Still, it's not like he had any idea where it was. And obviously Hermione was wrong about thinking that Draco had stolen it. Harry would know if Draco had that book, because they would be having all sorts of crazy, wild, kinky...

Crazy, wild, kinky...

Huh.

But wait. Harry would have seen it. It's not like Draco could hide the fact that he was constantly reading a sex book unless...

Harry's trained seeker eyes swept over the room and came to rest on the well-worn fashion magazine that was lying oh-so-innocently on the coffee table.

...unless it didn't look anything like a sex book.

Striding over to the coffee table, Harry picked up the magazine and opened it. His eyes flew wide open as he scanned page after page of Hermione's handwriting, detailing all sorts of naughty activities, several of which Harry recognized from the past few days with Draco.

"That little brat," Harry thought to himself as he flipped through the book. "I can't believe him. He is not going to get away with this."

Harry quickly flipped over Hermione's letter and began to write a response.

Dear Hermione,

You won't believe this, but...

Harry continued to mutter under his breath. "I can't believe that prat. I can't believe that he stole that book and he didn't tell me and he's been secretly using it all week to give me the most incredible, unbelievable, mind-blowing sex I've ever had, over and over and...

...I love him so much."

Dear Hermione,

You won't believe this, but you're wrong about Draco. He didn't steal your book, and we don't have it here. Maybe you left it at Hogwarts?

Have a great holiday, say hi to Ron for me. Happy Christmas!

Love Harry

'''''''''''''''''''''''''

After Draco and Lucius said goodbye to Harry and Narcissa as they left to go shopping (Harry having given Draco an insanely passionate kiss before he left that left the blonde confused but happy), Draco went up to his room to sulk. He collapsed on his soft leather couch. DLM, sensing that Draco was upset, hopped up on the sofa next to him and into his lap.

Feeling slightly cheered by the bunny, Draco picked up the "fashion magazine" that was lying exactly where he had left it on the coffee table. He smiled to himself. He couldn't believe he was getting away with having Granger's little black book. Harry really was so cute and predictable. He'd never suspect in a million years what was really in this magazine.

A little while later, there was a knock on the door of his room.

"Come in!"

Lucius walked into his son's room, trying to suppress feelings of admiration for the lovely décor and most definitely suppressing the urge to go "awwww" when he saw his son cuddled up with his rabbit.

"Draco, I need your help."

Draco looked up from his magazine. "Whatever for?"

"I invited the Parkinsons for tea, and they'll be here any minute. I need you to entertain Pansy for the afternoon."

Draco's mouth fell open. "WHAT?" He threw his magazine onto the coffee table and stood up, setting DLM on the floor. "Dad, no. No. N-O. I do not want to spend my afternoon drinking tea and making chit chat with a disgruntled lesbian just because you have some crazy mixed up notion that Malfoy men are straight."

"Now, now, Draco," Lucius scolded gently. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. Pansy is a lovely girl, and I'm sure you two will have a wonderful time."

"Well, this explains why Harry isn't grounded anymore," Draco said irritably. "You needed to get him and Mum out of the house so you could force me to spend time with Pansy."

"Draco, I'm appalled that you think I would do such a thing!" Lucius said, sounding shocked, holding a hand to his chest dramatically. "I assure you, I've done nothing of the sort."

Draco snorted. "Yeah, right. This is unbelievable. I can't believe you want me to have tea with Pansy, who I do hope you know likes men the way vegetarians like steak."

"Draco, really," Lucius started to say, but was cut off as the doorbell rang. Draco shot one last withering glance at his father before stomping downstairs to greet the Parkinsons.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Mum, why are we here again?" Pansy asked, scowling, as Yoda led Pansy and Mrs. Violet Parkinson into the parlour to wait for Lucius and Draco.

"Because," Mrs. Parkinson said, with a forced smile that clearly said 'this is the one-millionth time I've had this conversation with my teenage daughter and she is slowly but surely driving me crazy,' "The Malfoys invited us for tea."

"Yeah, right," Pansy snorted. "You just want to marry me off to Draco so you and Dad can retire in southern Italy. Don't think I don't know this."

"Pansy, sweetie, we have been planning your marriage to Draco for years, and it's high time you accepted it," Mrs. Parkinson said long-sufferingly. "And don't snort, it's not lady-like."

"Yes, because acting lady-like is so high on my list of priorities."

"Well, it certainly wouldn't kill you to try. Men don't like it when women snort."

"Yes, because caring what men like is so high on my list of priorities."

Mrs. Parkinson sighed. Pansy was so dead-set on pretending that she liked women, when it was obvious that Draco was perfect for her.

"Look, darling, just try to act a little more ladylike while we're here, alright?" Mrs. Parkinson pleaded. "We want Draco to like you, don't we? Afterall, the two of you are going to get married!"

"Mum, I don't want to marry Draco. He's gayer than a fashion designer turned figure skater."

"Pansy, that's not very nice! Draco's a lovely young man. Perhaps a bit...effeminate, but surely you would like that in a boy."

Pansy took a deep breath and set her jaw. "Mum, for the last time, I do not want to marry Draco Malfoy. I don't want to marry a man. Now if we were talking about Narcissa Malfoy, it'd be a different story. She's so freaking hot."

"Pansy, hush," Violet whispered, as Lucius and Draco Malfoy appeared in the parlour. Pansy rolled her eyes at her mum and looked at Draco and Lucius uninterestedly.

"Violet, Pansy, how lovely to see you both," Lucius said with a dashing smile. Lucius really could be quite dashing when he wanted to be.

Violet giggled slightly, but of course the relative dashing-ness of any man was really rather lost on Pansy.

The foursome walked into the conservatory, which was bright and sunny thanks to the winter sun streaming through the glass walls. Plants adorned every side, with beautiful flowers charmed by Narcissa to never wilt. In the center of the conservatory sat a small table with a beautiful white lace table cloth and a lovely tea service set - for two.

There were only two chairs at the table, and both Draco and Pansy, seeing where this was headed, balked and cast longing looks at the exit. Lucius wasn't having it though; he grabbed Draco by the arm and practically shoved him down into one seat while Mrs. Parkinson did the same to Pansy.

"Well, we knew you kids wouldn't want to listen to us old people, so you'll be having tea here in the conservatory while Mrs. Parkinson and I chat in the tea room," Lucius said with his same dashing smile. "Doesn't that sound lovely to everyone?"

Both Draco and Pansy protested immediately.

"Dad, are you mad? I don't want - "

"Mum, how could you think that - "

"Well, glad we're all agreeable. You two enjoy yourselves! Cheerio!" Lucius finished, and he and Violet Parkinson made a hasty exit towards the door.

"Bye kids! Enjoy your privacy," Violet said with a wink, as she and Lucius disappeared.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Pansy muttered.

"I hate my life," Draco sighed back.

There was a moment of irritated silence.

Pansy finally cleared her throat. "So...is your mum here?" she asked hopefully.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Lucius and Mrs. Parkinson dropped into their chairs at their large table in the tea room.

"Alright Violet, let's get down to business," Lucius said, pulling out a sheet of parchment from the pocket of his cloak. "Here's the marriage spell I found. It's perfect for our purposes."

"Oh, tell me about it," Mrs. Parkinson said eagerly, sipping her tea.

"Well, if done correctly, it will bind the two participants together forever. However, it must be cast precisely at midnight when the younger of the two participants comes of age. Now, Pansy is already of age, yes?"

"Yes. Her birthday was in October."

"Marvelous," Lucius said, rubbing his hands together and looking wicked. He loved being evil, and this plan was evil as all get out. "So this spell must be cast at exactly midnight between December 30 and December 31, when Draco comes of age. After that, Pansy and Draco will be bound together in irreversible magical matrimony! MUAHAHAHA!!!"

Mrs. Parkinson looked at him, alarmed.

Lucius cleared his throat. "Um...right. Any questions?"

Mrs. Parkinson raised an eyebrow, but let it slide. After a moment, she spoke a concern. "How are you going to get Draco and Pansy in a room where you can cast the spell? And without anyone noticing they're gone?"

Lucius withdrew a bag of bright blue powder from his pocket with a flourish. "With THIS," he said dramatically, waving the bag about. "In this bag are powerful hallucinogenic drugs from none other than Hogwart's resident unbearably sexy Potion Master Severus Snape. I will be mixing them in with the punch, causing everyone to go completely mad, except for you and me, who won't drink the punch. Then we simply guide Pansy and Draco to an empty room, Stupefy them, and perform the incantation at midnight."

Lucius paused, and Mrs. Parkinson looked impressed.

"That's a really good plan," she said, and Lucius looked pleased.

"It is, isn't it? One of my better ones. Now, all I need you to do is bring Pansy to the party, and make sure she doesn't suspect anything."

"Consider it done," Mrs. Parkinson said. At that moment, a knock was heard on the door.

"Enter!" Lucius said, quickly tucking the parchment and the powder back into his pocket. Yoda the House Elf walked in.

"Your pardon I is begging, Master Malfoy. Returned, Mistress Malfoy and Harry Potter have," the elf squeaked. Lucius gave him a funny look.

"Why are you talking like that?"

Yoda shrugged. "Asking me to, Harry Potter is. Saying talks like this, Yoda does. Arguing, I is not."

The elf disappeared with a small pop. Lucius and Mrs. Parkinson shrugged and left the room.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Lucius and Mrs. Parkinson arrived at the conservatory at the same time Harry and Narcissa did.

"Narcissa!" Mrs. Parkinson said at once. "How are you today?"

"Oh, I'm marvelous, Vi, simply marvelous! After all, I got to spend the afternoon with this handsome young celebrity!" she cooed, placing an arm around Harry's waist. "He's just a little dream. If Draco doesn't watch out, I just might steal him!" she teased.

Harry turned pink, and Lucius rolled his eyes.

"Well, shall we see how Draco and Pansy have fared?" he said pointedly.

"Oh, Pansy's here? She's a lovely girl, always so complimentary. I can't wait to see her," Narcissa said, opening the door to the conservatory and walking in, followed closely by Violet.

Harry grabbed Lucius' arm before he could walk in.

"Pansy? What's Parkinson doing here, and why is she with Draco?" he asked, a little sharper than he had intended. Lucius merely smiled enigmatically.

"It's nothing that concerns you, Potter," he said loftily. Harry's eyes narrowed.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Really, Potter. One would think you were...jealous."

"I'm not jealous," Harry said defensively. Lucius snorted.

"Please, all you Potter men are the jealous type."

Harry scoffed. "Oh really? You think Potter men are jealous? Then what about Malfoy men, huh? Malfoys are about a hundred times more jealous and possessive than any Potter ever was."

"We most certainly are not!" Lucius said indignantly.

"You are too," Harry retorted.

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are...Potter, I am not having this conversation. Now into the conservatory with you."

Lucius grabbed Harry's shoulder and guided the disgruntled teen into the conservatory. Draco's face, upon seeing Harry, immediately lit up.

"Harry!" he called out, interrupting Pansy as she was complimenting Narcissa on her lovely new gown. He stood up and ran over to his boyfriend. "You're back! Did you have fun?" he asked, throwing his arms around Harry's neck and kissing him hello.

Harry's arms immediately snaked around Draco's waist as he kissed him back. "Mmm, yes," he murmured against Draco's lips. He pulled back for a second and rested his forehead against Draco's. "But I missed you."

Draco smiled and they started kissing again. Lucius stood still and watched them for a moment, the strangest feeling bubbling up inside him. It felt...warm and fuzzy and sweet, kind of like how he felt when he looked at Draco's little bunny rabbit.

Draco and Harry looked...really, truly happy together. Like they were in love. And then Lucius thought about how he was about to betray Draco and bind him for eternity to the girl who was currently flirting shamelessly with his wife, and for just a second, he felt guilty.

But Draco was a Malfoy, and Malfoys had certain duties, and marrying the right sort of person and producing the right kind of heir was one of them. He had no choice. He was doing the right thing. He was.

Right?

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The next day was Christmas, which was a lovely affair at Malfoy Manor. The Malfoys and Harry exchanged presents in the morning. Narcissa had absolutely squealed in delight at her present from Harry - four luxury tickets to a sold out Quidditch match between the Chudley Canons and the Montrose Magpies in early January.

"I thought we could all go together," Harry said uncertainly, and Narcissa gave him a huge hug. Lucius rolled his eyes but secretly thought it was a great gift. Harry had also gotten Draco an autographed Madonna poster, causing the blonde to go into transports of utter delight for a total of 30 minutes.

Harry had gotten Lucius a diary - a very nice, leather bound diary with 24 karat gold trim and a matching Phoenix feather quill - but the irony was not lost on Lucius. Still, considering that he had gotten Harry several pairs of socks (cashmere socks, but still socks) and a book on House Elf care, he really couldn't make any snide remarks.

Lucius and Narcissa had given the boys an all-expense paid, "guaranteed 100 Dark Lord and Death Eater free" holiday in the south of France. It had been Narcissa's idea, and somehow Lucius had ended up going along with it.

That happened a lot with Narcissa and Lucius.

The biggest surprise of the day, however, had to be the pajamas from Draco. Lucius wanted to hate them. He did. After all, they were Gryffindor red, with gold lightning bolts, and they came from the Harry Potter Fan Club catalogue.

But they were really, really nice pajamas, of such a gloriously soft and luxurious silk, and the matching slippers were so warm and cozy and fuzzy, and the cut was so comfortable that Lucius grudgingly had to admit they were the nicest pajamas he had ever owned, and he positively loved them.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Lucius was actually wearing said pajamas the following Thursday, December 29, the day before Draco's "birthday party," while sitting in his study in the middle of the night and sipping a cup of hot cocoa.

He was staring into space and thinking over the whole Draco/Potter situation for the one millionth time when he heard the soft patter of little furry feet.

He looked up from his chair, and sure enough, DLM III was hopping into his study.

"Go away, you wretched animal, before I turn you into stew," Lucius said, narrowing his eyes at the bunny. DLM ignored him and hopped over to the chair.

"I'm warning you," Lucius said, although his voice wasn't quite as stern as before. "I'm an evil, dark wizard. Bunny rabbits such as you should fear my wrath."

DLM sat back on his hind legs and put a paw on Lucius' leg.

"I mean it," said Lucius, but now his voice had gone rather soft. "You should go. I'll stew you...I will...I...oh hell." Lucius took a quick look around the room, confirmed that he was alone, and then picked up the rabbit and set him on his lap.

"Don't you dare tell a soul about this," he said menacingly to the bunny. After a brief moment, he conjured up a carrot and handed it to the rabbit. "There, you horrid rodent. Don't say I never did anything nice for you."

DLM munched on the carrot happily, and Lucius found it to be very soothing, sitting there in the firelight, sipping cocoa with a bunny on his lap.

They sat in peaceful silence for quite some time, when suddenly a loud crash was heard outside.

"Shit," Lucius said ineloquently. "The Dark Lord. You better go," he said to the rabbit. "He really will stew you."

Lucius paused. "Actually, on second thought, he'll probably turn you into a hat to match his man-bag."

DLM was out of that room like a bolt of lightning.

Lucius stood up as Lord Voldemort and Wormtail entered the room.

"My Lord," he said, bowing low. "To what do I owe this great honour?"

It did not escape Lucius' notice that Lord Voldemort was carrying a new man-bag. This one was green and scaly - rather like the Dark Lord himself.

"Lucius," Lord Voldemort said fondly. "Could you be a dear and get me a cup of tea?"

"Of course, my Lord," Lucius said, tapping a kettle that he kept handy. It was steaming in moments. He poured a cup for the Dark Lord, one for Wormtail, and then one for himself.

As an afterthought he added a liberal amount of brandy to his own glass. One never knew what Lord Thingy was going to say or do these days.

"Lovely new man-bag, my Lord," Lucius said, as he handed Voldemort his cup. "Is that real snake skin?"

"Of course not!" Voldemort said, sounding horrified. "As if I would kill a snake. It's faux."

"I knew it was faux," Wormtail said in a superior tone of voice. Lucius shot him a Malfoy death glare, and he immediately cowered behind the Dark Lord.

"So, what brings you here tonight?" Lucius said with a forced smile as Voldemort set his bag down on a coffee table to sip at his tea.

"Just thought I'd drop in and see if you'd given any more thought to letting me have Harry Potter."

Lucius sighed. "My Lord, believe me, if I could, I'd gift-wrap the little bastard for you. But everyone knows he's here, and they'll send me straight back to Azkaban if anything happens to him."

Voldemort looked disappointed. "You're sure I can't just - "

"No."

"Maybe if I - "

"No."

"But what about - "

"No."

"Oh, very well." The Dark Lord appeared to be sulking.

"I'd give you Potter, my Lord, even if it meant going to Azkaban for you," Wormtail said in an oily, unctuous voice. Lucius glared at him again. Wormtail "eeped" in fear and sped off to hide in a corner.

Voldemort sipped down the rest of his tea, and then set down the cup. "Well, if I can't have Potter, then I suppose we might as well be off." He picked up his man-bag and turned to go, then paused.

"Lucius," he began suspiciously, his eyes traveling up and down Lucius Malfoy's body, "are those...lightning bolts on your pajamas?"

Lucius thought fast.

"Um, no, of course not. They're, uh...deep gashes. That's right. Deep gashes bleeding gold blood. The pure, golden blood of the innocent."

"Really?" Lord Voldemort was quite intrigued. "Gold blood, eh? Well, now isn't that clever." He reached out a hand towards the fabric. "May I?"

"Oh, um, sure," Lucius said, and Lord Voldemort felt the material between his long white fingers.

"I say, that's rather nice. Are they silk?" he asked, and Lucius nodded.

"Yes, actually. 100 imported Italian silk." The Dark Lord looked thoughtful.

"You know, I think I'd like a pair. Wormtail! Fetch me a pair of these sensational pajamas! And a matching kimono!" He turned back to Lucius. "Where did you say you got these again?"

Lucius smiled weakly. No chance in hell he was going to tell Lord Voldemort that the pajamas hailed from the Harry Potter Fan Club catalogue. "Um, actually, your Lordship, why don't I get them for you? It'll be like a second Christmas present."

"Oh, Lucius, you big softy, you don't have to do that!"

"No really. I insist."

The Dark Lord practically beamed at him. "Well, thank you. That's wonderful. Simply wonderful. You're my favorite minion, you know that?"

He turned. "Wormtail! Let's go!" And with that the Dark Lord left Lucius' study.

Wormtail trailed after him, looking rather miffed, and his sulking voice reached Lucius' ears as he left.

"I thought I was your favorite minion."

Lucius sighed, and with a last bewildered shake of his head at the madness that was his life, he went upstairs to try and get some sleep before the big day ahead tomorrow.

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