Dragon Tamer

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Dragon Tamer

Chapter 22: Discoveries and Dark Lords

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Harry and Draco sat at the Gryffindor table, eyes wide, faces pale, staring at the charred remains of Lucius Malfoy's Howler.

Utter silence reigned around them.

Slowly whispers began to filter through the Great Hall, and then soft talking, and then finally, normal conversation resumed.

Well, not for Harry and Draco.

"Did...did your dad just say..." Harry began, a horrified look on his face, meeting the eyes of an equally horrified Draco.

"I...I...I think..." Draco replied, and the two boys just stared at each other.

Then, in an unspoken agreement, Draco turned back to his breakfast.

"Well," he said with a rather forced smile, "It won't do to dawdle all day now, will it? After all, we have lots to do in Hogsmeade. Let's just eat our breakfasts, shall we, Harry?"

"An excellent suggestion, Draco," Harry replied with a forced smile of his own. "Wouldn't want to stick around here when we could be in Hogsmeade, would we?" He began taking small bites out of his muffin, not quite meeting Draco's eyes.

Ron looked back and forth between the two of them, confused.

"Malfoy, didn't your dad just say he shagged James Pot -

"NO!!!" Both Harry and Draco shouted at the same time. Ron looked startled.

"But -" the redhead began.

"Weasley, pass me the maple syrup, would you?" Draco said in a falsely cheerful voice. "There's a good mate."

"But I clearly heard your dad say - "

"Ron, dish me up some sausages, alright?" Harry said quickly, shoving his plate in Ron's face. "Thanks."

"But Harry, your dad shagged Malfoy's -

"You know, Harry, I think I'd like to get breakfast in Hogsmeade instead. What do you say?" Draco said, turning to Harry and standing up from his seat.

"What a positively smashing idea, Draco. I'd love to have breakfast in Hogsmeade. In fact, let's go right now," Harry replied, hurriedly standing up from his own seat.

"But you guys are just ignoring the fact that your dads clearly -

"Bye Ron, bye Hermione!" Harry said a little too quickly and loudly, striding rapidly away from the table.

"Yes, bye Weasley, Granger. See you later," Draco tossed over his shoulder, hastily following Harry out of the Great Hall.

Ron turned to Hermione. "What's their problem?"

Hermione just rolled her eyes.

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Harry and Draco were almost to the Entrance Hall when Draco stopped suddenly.

"What?" Harry asked, confused.

"I should grab my cloak," Draco said, turning to head towards the Slytherin dungeons. He looked Harry up and down. "Come to think of it, let me get a cloak for you too. It's freezing out and all we've got on are your sweaters." Draco, having spent yet another night in Harry's room, was again dressed in Harry's borrowed clothes. He silently thanked whatever gods there were that he had taken Harry on that shopping trip back at the beginning of their pseudo-relationship, because he sure as hell seemed to end up wearing Harry's clothes quite often.

Harry just shrugged. He wasn't really one to think too much about what he was wearing, but didn't want Draco to be cold so he dutifully followed the blonde into Slytheirn territory.

Draco spoke the password to the bare stretch of stone as Harry hissed a hello to the portrait of the lady with the snake across the corridor. Draco narrowed his eyes.

"So that's where you got the password when you came to assault me after the Wicked Witch Weekly article."

"Yes, actually," Harry said, smiling pleasantly. "He was such a help. After all, I did have quite a score to settle with you that day."

"Wanker," Draco said, almost affectionately. They walked through the Slytherin common room and Draco put his hand on the door to his bedroom.

And stepped back, confused.

"It's locked," he said, looking puzzled.

"That's odd," said Harry. "Must be some kind of mistake."

"Must be," said Draco, pulling out his wand. In short order he undid all the locking charms on the door and swung it open.

There, in plain view, were Seamus Finnigan and Blaise Zabini.

Naked as the day they were born.

On Draco's bed.

There was a moment of horrified silence, and then:

"Blaise!"

"Draco!"

"Seamus!"

"Harry!"

"Potter!"

"Zabini!"

"Malfoy!"

"Finnigan!"

The foursome just gaped at each other. Draco recovered first.

"What the BLEEDING HELL are you two doing? And why the FUCK are you doing it on MY BED???"

Blaise winced. "Um...nicer sheets?"

Harry's mouth was opening and closing like a goldfish. "Seamus...what the hell? You and Zabini? SINCE WHEN ARE YOU AND DRACO'S EX-BOYFRIEND AN ITEM???"

Seamus smiled weakly. "Since the day after I tried to make a move on you?"

The two Gryffindors and the two Slytherins just stared at each other for a moment, before Draco noticed something brown and furry hiding under a night table across the room and began howling again.

"You PERVERTS! My BUNNY is still in the room! Look at him! LOOK! You've TRAUMATIZED him, you bastards!!!"

Blaise and Seamus exchanged guilty looks while Draco ran over and picked up the rabbit from his hiding space by Crabbe's bed.

Harry bit back a smile. "Draco, I'm sure your rabbit is fine. After all, there is that expression "fucking like bunnies," it has to come from somewhere."

"Shut up, Harry," the blonde snarled as he cradled the bunny rabbit to his chest. "He's a sensitive rabbit, he shouldn't have had to see that." Draco turned and glowered at the naked wizards on his bed. "Well?? What the fuck are you waiting for?? Get the hell off my bed!!"

Blaise and Seamus hastily complied.

"AND FOR MERLIN'S SAKE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

The pair of newly discovered lovers quickly threw on their discarded clothes.

Draco gave them both a very icy stare. "Incendio," he muttered, pointing his wand at his bed. The sheets and comforter went up in smoke.

Blaise sighed. "Honestly, Draco, you're completely over-reacting. We weren't even under the covers."

Draco's glare got decidedly icier. "Just be glad I decided to wait until the two of you were out of the bed before I set it on fire." He set Draco Lucius Malfoy the Third down on Crabbe's bed so that his famous Malfoy Death Glare wasn't lessened by a cuddly, fluffy bunny in his arms.

"Right. Point taken," Seamus responded nervously.

There was a moment of very awkward silence.

Finally Harry put on a brave smile. "Well, um...congratulations?" he said, tentatively. Seamus returned his smile.

"Thanks," the Irish tow-head said back. Blaise looked at Draco expectantly. Draco glared back.

"I'm not congratulating you, you smarmy bastard. You're doing it with a Gryffindor on my bed. The only Gryffindor who should be debauched on that bed is Harry."

Blaise waved him off. "You're so touchy sometimes."

Harry suddenly seemed to put something together. "So I guess this means you two were together last night when I kissed..." he winced at Blaise's narrowed eyes, "...um, yeah. Sorry about that."

Blaise gave him a very dirty look. "Actually, Potter, we've been together for quite some time now, and if you wouldn't terribly mind, the next time you decided to snog someone to make Draco jealous, would you mind terribly not snogging my boyfriend?"

Harry smiled weakly. "Right. Duly noted."

Seamus, meanwhile, was looking at Blaise hungrily. "You're so hot when you're jealous," he purred. Blaise shot him an equally hungry look.

"Oh, ew. I so did not need to hear that," Draco moaned.

"Actually, I think it's great. I'm really happy for you two," Harry said sincerely. Draco gave him a half-appalled, half scathing look.

"Thanks, Potter. You know, if you want, you can always stay and watch," Blaise said lasciviously.

"Or maybe even join in?" Seamus added with a smirk. Blaise cuffed him on the back of his head. "Ow, Blaise!"

"That's it. We're leaving. RIGHT NOW," Draco snarled. He stomped over to the closet, grabbed two winter cloaks off the hangers, tossed one at Harry, and began pushing him out the door.

"But Draco, it might be kind of fun if we -

"Finish that sentence and you're a dead man, Potter," Draco growled, and shooting one last evil glare at Blaise and Seamus he shoved Harry out the door, shouting over his shoulder as they left.

"And for the love of all things holy STAY OFF MY BED!!"

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"All I was going to say was it might be kind of fun if we went on a double date with Seamus and Blaise some time," Harry was saying in an injured tone of voice, as Draco yanked him up the path to Hogsmeade, the first snow of the year crunching under their feet. "I wasn't actually thinking about some kind of kinky foursome with two of our good friends."

"Good," said Draco shortly, "because if we're going to have a kinky foursome with any of our friends it's going to be Weasley and Granger."

"WHAT???"

"Oh yeah," said Draco, biting back a smirk at the horrified look on Harry's face. "I mean, face it, we know for a fact that Granger's a little wild cat in the bedroom, and she's quite a looker, for a girl. And Weasley - well, aren't you just dying to know if the carpets match the drapes?"

"Oh. My. God," Harry said, looking sickly pale. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Oh, come on, Harry. It'll be such fun. We can dress Granger up in some kind of cute little outfit, like a French maid, and then I can watch while Weasley takes you from be -

"NOOOO!" Harry moaned, covering his ears with his hands. "Draco, please, please, I'm begging you, STOP!"

Draco grinned and bumped his shoulder gently. "It's okay, Potter. I was just joking."

Harry cautiously removed his hands. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Harry glared at his boyfriend. "You're a monster."

"Yeah, well, you're a prat who kisses other boys to make me jealous. I'd say we deserve each other."

Harry gave Draco a pained look. "You're never going to let me live that one down, are you?"

"Nope," said Draco cheerfully. "Oh look, there's Hogsmeade. Now how about that breakfast? You're buying, right?"

Harry sighed a melodramatic, long-suffering sigh. "Oh, very well then. But only because you're the girl in this relationship."

Draco's mouth fell open in outrage. Harry knew when to run.

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Far away from Draco and Harry's antics in the snow, Lucius Malfoy was sulking in his study.

Harry Potter was going to be spending Christmas holidays at Malfoy Manor. Harry Potter. Lucius poured himself a snifter of brandy and downed the whole thing in one gulp.

This was so not cool. Why Harry Potter? Why oh why couldn't Draco have just married the Parkinson girl like the good little Malfoy he was supposed to be?

Lucius threw back yet another brandy...and another...and another...

...and a little while later, Lucius plopped down in his favorite chair, leaned back with a contented sigh, and closed his eyes. Apparently a high enough blood alcohol level can really help you forget that the hero of the wizarding world and your gay son's current shag would be spending the holidays at your manor.

Suddenly there was a loud 'pop' out in the garden. Lucius cracked opened one eye.

"Whosh there?" he slurred, trying to look out the window from his spot slouched in his favorite chair. Before he saw anything, however, the door from the garden to the study opened, and in walked the Dark Lord himself, You-Know-Who, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, his imminent evilness, Lord Voldemort.

"Oh," said Lucius dismissively, closing his eyes again. "Itsh just you."

Lord Voldemort looked at Lucius with a raised eyebrow. "Malfoy, are you drunk?"

"No!" said Lucius indignantly. Then he paused. "Alright, yesh," he admitted sheepishly. The Dark Lord rolled his eyes.

"Honestly," he muttered, and pointed his wand at the Senior Malfoy. "Sobrietus!" he incanted, and Lucius suddenly felt his mind completely clear.

"Whoa," he said, shaking his head a bit. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," said Voldemort offhandedly as he reached into the handbag that was hanging over his bony shoulder. Lucius looked at him, puzzled.

"My Lord?"

"Yes?"

"When did you start carrying a purse?"

"It's not a purse, Malfoy," the Dark Lord said indignantly. "It's a man-bag."

"A man-bag?"

"Yes. They're all the rage right now in Paris."

Lucius shrugged. It sure as hell looked like a purse to him, but hey, if the Dark Lord wanted to carry a purse and call it a man-bag, that was his prerogative.

"Can I get you a cup of tea, my Lord?"

"Oh, no thanks, I can't stay. I'm here on business, you know."

"Is that so? Well, what brings you to my humble home?"

Voldemort snorted. "Humble home? This place is practically a bloody castle."

Lucius felt mildly irritated. "It's just an expression."

"Whatever," said Voldemort, who had resumed digging around in his man-bag. "Now where did I put that - AHA! Here it is!" And with a flourish he ripped out what was probably the very last thing Lucius Malfoy wanted to see:

A copy of The Daily Prophet.

"Lucius," Lord Voldemort said in a silky voice, taking a seat in the chair next to Lucius'. "We need to talk."

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"So your son actually likes the Potter boy? Like, likes him like that?"

"Apparently," said Lucius, rubbing his temples. Voldemort looked disappointed.

"I had hoped this was some kind of scheme on his part to bring Harry Potter to me. Of course, I had my doubts when I saw that article last week, the one with the picture of your son singing Madonna, after Potter shagged him sil-

"Yes. I remember the article," Lucius interrupted. He really, really, really didn't want to discuss that article ever again.

Voldemort looked sulky. "I can't believe Potter shagged someone silly. Stupid Potter. Everyone thinks he's so great."

"You know, my son shagged him silly too," Lucius said crossly.

Voldemort waved it off. "Oh, yes, yes, I know, but it's Potter I'm competing with here. I can't stand the fact that he's beaten me in something." He looked extremely put out. Then, his eyes got a gleam in them. "I'm sure I could shag someone silly if I tried." He gave Lucius a lecherous look. "What do you say, Malfoy? I've always had a thing for blondes."

Lucius gulped. "Um, as flattered as I am, your Lordship, I'm a married man."

"Oh yeah. Pity." Voldemort looked vaguely disappointed. "Well, there's always Wormtail."

Lucius suddenly felt violently ill.

"Hey Malfoy?"

"What?"

"Wasn't your son supposed to marry the Parkinson girl?"

Finally. Someone else who understood the importance of marrying who you were supposed to!

"Yes, yes he was!" Lucius said excitedly. Here was someone who understood his pain, who he could tell about his secret plan, someone who could help him trap Draco into marriage -

"Well, it's just as well that didn't work out. Draco wouldn't have been happy."

"I'm sorry - what?"

"Well, your son is just so obviously and flamingly gay, Lucius. I can't believe you ever thought you'd get him to marry a girl."

Lucius just stared at the Dark Lord, speechless.

"My son is not gay," he said indignantly. "He's just...experimenting."

Lord Voldemort laughed outright. "Oh, that's a good one! Draco, not gay! And I'm Harry Potter's long lost grandfather!" He sniffed and wiped tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes. "Oh, Lucius. You're such a crack-up. You're my favorite minion."

"Gee. Thanks," said Lucius sarcastically. Voldemort stood up.

"Well, I really must be going. Now that I know that this isn't some scheme on Draco's part to hand me Potter - pity about that, but oh well - I have other work to attend to. And you say Potter will be here for the Christmas holidays? Are you sure I can't - "

"Quite sure," said Lucius firmly. "You can't have him. I'm not going back to Azkaban when he disappears from my house so you're just going to have to wait until some other time to get your hands on him."

Voldemort shrugged. "Yeah, I figured you'd say that. But it was worth a shot. See you around, then."

And with a 'pop' he disapperated.

Lucius sighed to himself. Even the Dark Lord was convinced his son was gay. Everyone was against him.

"LOOO-CIUS!!! I need your help, dear! We need to tend to the gardens! I want everything to be perfect for our little dragon and his celebrity guest!"

Lucius groaned and buried his head in his hands. Life hated him.

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