Dragon Tamer

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Dragon Tamer

Chapter 20: I'm a CELEBRITY, damn it!

***********************

Back in the Room of Requirement, the game had ended, and everyone was standing up and stretching. "Well this really was fun. We should do this again sometime," Hermione said brightly, glancing at her watch. Then her eyes widened. "It's already 11pm! Draco and Harry left two hours ago! Where the hell have they been?"

"Probably shagging," Blaise said nonchalantly, biting back a smirk at Hermione's horrified look.

"But you said...you said that Draco was just going to lecture Harry! Just a good scolding, that's what you said!"

"I did say that, didn't I?" Blaise said casually. "Oh well. I lied."

"But...but...why would you lie about that?"

"Granger, if I hadn't lied, then you would have gone after them, and then they wouldn't have had sex. And what kind of friend would that make me? You know how it is. Friends are supposed to help friends get laid. It's a rule."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "No, it isn't."

"YES, it is," said Blaise, Ron, Ginny, Seamus, Millicent, Lavender, Dean, Pansy, Neville, Parvati, and even Crabbe and Goyle in union.

Hermione glared at all of them. "You don't understand! This is horrible! Draco's probably out there somewhere with Harry, completely off his rocker!"

"Really?" said Parvati, eagerly. "Boy, I'd like to see that again. I bet we could get him to sing another Madonna song, or maybe even some Prince or some Wham!"

"Oh, yes!" squealed Lavender next to her. "And remember the bunny he conjured? It was so cute. Maybe he'll make another one!"

Pansy wasn't usually one much for girlish squeals, but she found the idea of a shagged silly Draco incredibly appealing right now. "Let's go find them!" she suggested, and everyone enthusiastically agreed and headed for the door.

"Wait, come back!" Hermione shouted, but to no avail. Most of the others had already left the room. She held back Ron, Ginny, Seamus and Blaise. "Okay, listen to me. We have to find them before the others do, okay? And help Harry get Draco back up to his dorm to get some antidote. Are you with me?"

The others nodded. "Okay, let's go," and they left the room, heading in the opposite direction of everyone else.

***********************

Harry and Draco were curled up together on one of the sofas, Harry's head resting on Draco's chest. From his slow and steady breathing, Draco surmised that Harry was probably dozing. He dropped a hand onto Harry's head and ran it affectionately through his hair, and in his sleep Harry snuggled closer.

Draco grinned. Maybe he should have told Wicked Witch Weekly that the Boy Who Lived liked to cuddle. That would make a cute story. At the very least it'd be better than the one the Prophet had run about Draco getting shagged -

Hey. Wait a second.

Draco felt completely normal. No urge to sing. No urge to conjure fluffy things. No urge to profess his undying love for Harry (well, okay, a little urge to do that, but nothing stronger than usual). This was great! He hadn't taken the antidote, but he hadn't been shagged silly, either. So he wouldn't lose his mind every time he and Harry were inflagrante delecto. How fabulous.

He looked down at the sleeping Harry, and felt quite proud of himself. Not everyone could shag Wonder Boy until he was completely knackered and sleeping on your chest. Then he frowned slightly. He was still a little miffed at Harry for believing that he was trying to get back together with Blaise behind his back. AND he was truthfully still more than a little miffed about the kiss with Finnigan. Obviously he and Harry were going to be having a nice little Discussion about all this.

But that would be later. Right now they needed to get back to the Room of Requirement before their friends sent out a search party for them. And that meant he had to get Harry up.

"Harry, love," he said gently, kissing the top of Harry's head, "Wake up. We need to get dressed." Harry didn't budge. Draco shook him gently. "Harry, come on. Wake up." This time, Harry's eyes fluttered open.

He looked up at Draco through his eyelashes. "I'm not getting up," he said rather haughtily. "I need my beauty sleep." Then he promptly closed his eyes again. Draco rolled his eyes.

"Oh right, Potter. Nice one. Now come on, get up."

Harry's eyes popped open and he sent a vibrant green death glare at Draco, who was a bit taken aback.

"How DARE you try to order me around," Harry said scathingly. "Don't you KNOW who I AM?"

Draco furrowed his brow. "Um...you're Harry Potter?"

"That's right," Harry said disdainfully. "I am HARRY POTTER. The BOY who LIVED. I am the SAVIOR of the WIZARDING WORLD and I think I deserve a little RESPECT."

"What?" Draco was all sorts of confused now.

"Don't you WHAT me," Harry said, sitting up and glaring heated daggers at Draco. "I'm a CELEBRITY, damn it."

"Um...well, yes, I suppose that's true," Draco said somewhat cautiously, not really sure where Harry was going with this. "You are indeed a celebrity, no doubt about it. You're famous. Very famous." That seemed to appease Harry, who looked at Draco with a satisfied look.

"Well, I'm glad we got that settled and you're prepared to treat me properly," Harry said, then glanced at the floor. "Fetch me my clothes, will you? I need to get dressed. And then you can fetch me some water - I only drink imported Swiss mineral water, so make sure that's what you get - and then I'll need some fresh fruit, and some chocolate, and -

"Wait just a second. Now you listen here, Potter. I don't know what's up with you right now, but you of all people should know that Malfoys don't fetch," Draco said irritably, but to his surprise Harry just resumed glaring at him.

"I THOUGHT we CLEARED this UP. I'm not just ANYBODY, you stupid PRAT. I'm HARRY FUCKING POTTER, and you're going damn well treat me like it. That means you're going to GET MY CLOTHES, GET MY WATER, and GET MY CHOCOLATE, and you're going to be POLITE about it, because I'm a CELEBRITY, damn it!"

"What the FUCK?" Draco thought to himself. Harry had never, ever in the six years Draco had known him, acted like a celebrity before, and right now he was about a million times worse than Gilderoy Lockhart had ever been. Draco took a deep breath, and got ready to start seriously chewing Harry out. He glared back at Harry, meeting Potter's Avada Kedavra eyes defiantly -

And then he gasped, because Harry's pupils were nothing but two bright pinpoints of black in a sea of green. And when you added that to Harry's outrageously out of character behavior, it could only mean one thing...

Draco Malfoy was a fucking sex god.

*************************

"Any luck?" Hermione asked worriedly, when Ginny and Ron returned.

"Nothing. Not so much as a hair from their heads," said Ron, frustrated. "Where are Seamus and Blaise?"

Hermione shrugged. "Don't know. They said they wanted to go look for Harry and Draco together in some dark, abandoned corridor. Good friends, those two."

"Very good friends," agreed Ginny. "Look, let's try to old Arthimancy corridor. There's a bunch of old teacher's lounges, maybe they're in one of those rooms."

*********************

"...and so that's why he's so cool. Because he's just a regular guy, like me, but then he fights evil, like me. Only I don't have that bitchin' Bat Mobile, and the cool belt with all the gadgets."

"And you say his name is...Batguy?"

"Batman, Malfoy," Harry said haughtily.

"You're absolutely right, of course. My bad." As soon as Draco had figured out that Harry had indeed been buggered completely senseless he had changed his whole approach. Instead of arguing with Harry he had started sucking up to him like mad. He had grabbed Harry's clothes, conjured up water, chocolate, and fruit, and was now indulging Harry by listening to him tell stories about muggle superheroes.

Now why, you may ask, was Draco indulging all of Harry's whims? Well, it would seem that finding out that you are a confirmed sex god tends to put people in a very agreeable mood, and Draco was prepared to take good care of Harry until midnight when they could take the antidote.

"This chocolate is quite good," Harry said amiably, eating another piece. He looked at Draco thoughtfully. "You're not a bad boyfriend, you know. I feel like you really respect me, not just as a celebrity, but as a person who's really famous."

"Well, thank you, Harry, that's very kind," Draco said back, ruffling his hair. They were sprawled amicably together on the old, worn out sofa, Draco sitting upright, Harry's head in his lap. "I just feel so lucky to be dating such a famous wizard. You're way too good for me."

"Oh, stop, you flatter me," said Harry in a bashful voice, closing his eyes. "I'm only a little too good for you. Now where was I? Oh yes. So Batman has a sidekick named Robin, and together they fight villains like the Joker, the Penguin, Catwoman -

Suddenly, Draco heard a poof next to his ear, and a tiny Draco Malfoy appeared on his left shoulder, dressed in his normal Slytherin school robes.

"What are you doing, Malfoy?" the little Draco asked, giving him a funny look. "Why haven't you taken him back to the Room of Requirement yet? You could show everyone how crazy he's gone, all because of your amazing sexual prowess. Don't you know how much fun you could have with Potter in this state?"

"Well, yes. But he's my boyfriend," Draco sighed. "And I don't really want to embarrass him. I thought I'd just wait until midnight and then take him back to Gryffindor tower for some antidote."

"What? Are you mad? He let you embarrass yourself when you were shagged silly," the little Draco pointed out. "Remember all the things you did? The bunny, the singing?"

"Well, he didn't know what had happened to me," Draco defended Harry. "It wasn't his fault. And he got me out of there as soon as he could."

"Oh, a likely story," the little Draco started to scoff, but at that instant Draco heard another poof, and on his right shoulder another miniature Draco appeared. This one was also dressed in his normal Slytherin school robes, but he was hastily wrapping a Gryffindor scarf around his throat.

"Sorry I'm late," he said apologetically. "I needed some accessory so you could tell I was your good half, but I couldn't find anything until I got this scarf."

"Where exactly did you get a Gryffindor scarf?" asked Draco with interest.

"Um...I borrowed it," Gryffindor-Draco said, a little guiltily. Draco raised an eyebrow.

"You mean you stole it, don't you?" Gryffindor-Draco raised his hands in the air.

"Oh alright, you've caught me. I stole it from some dark haired fellow with glasses and a funny scar who had been stunned. But I'm going to give it back, I swear."

"A likely story," scoffed Slytherin-Draco. "Like you gave me back my new Madonna anthology? You lying little bastard."

Draco was a little unnerved by the fact that his evil half owned a Madonna anthology and his good half stole scarves from unconscious Gryffindors.

"Oh hush," Gryffindor-Draco was saying to Slytherin-Draco. "Now, what seems to be the problem here?"

"This great git," Slytherin-Draco said, pointing up at Draco, "Is having an attack of conscience," he said, spitting out the words as if he was describing something so foul and nasty it actually tasted bad to say it.

"Draco, you aren't really having conscience problems, are you?" Gryffindor-Draco said to Draco, incredulous. Slytherin-Draco shot Draco a nasty look.

"Oh, yes he is. He's thinking about taking Potter here back to Gryffindor tower to get him some antidote before anyone sees him. Can you believe it?"

"Wait, wait, wait," Gryffindor-Draco said, shaking his head back and forth. "That makes no sense. Draco shagged that Potter boy senseless, right? And now he's an uncontrollable, crazy diva who keeps carrying on something dreadful about how he's a celebrity?"

"Correct," confirmed Slytheirn-Draco.

"So the logical thing to do is take him somewhere where everyone can watch Potter make a fool of himself and recognize that Draco is an uncontested animal in the bedroom."

"That's what I'm saying," nodded Slytherin-Draco. Gryffindor-Draco turned to Draco.

"So what's the problem?" he asked. Draco didn't say anything. Gryffindor-Draco raised an eyebrow speculatively. "You're not really thinking of protecting Harry from humiliation by taking him up to Gryffindor tower before anyone sees him, are you?"

"Well..." Draco began cagily, looking slightly uncomfortable. Gryffindor-Draco was appalled.

"Draco Malfoy! You can't do that! That's so...so...ugh, moral."

"My sentiments exactly," Slytherin-Draco agreed, glaring up at Draco, who was a little disturbed by this whole conversation.

"Now look here you two," he began, glaring at his miniature images. "I'm not going to turn him lose to run amok. Harry is my boyfriend, and I don't want to see him humiliated. I love him."

"Oh Lord, not this again," Gryffindor-Draco sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Slytherin-Draco murmured.

"Shut it, both of you. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, we do, Draco," said Slytherin-Draco earnestly. "Think about what Potter just did to you. He just kissed another boy. In front of you. Don't you deserve a little revenge?"

Draco hesitated. That, unfortunately, was a rather good point.

"That's right," said Gryffindor-Draco, warming to the argument, "And he did it on purpose, just to make you jealous. I think he deserves a bit of humiliation."

Draco was swaying slightly. "Well, I admit, that's kind of a good - hey, wait a second! You're supposed to be my good half! You should be telling me to take care of him, not to revenge myself on him when he's not even functioning normally!"

Gryffindor-Draco shrugged. "Not my fault even your good half is a little sick and twisted. Now come on, you know you want to drag him to the Room of Requirement. Don't tell me you don't want to see everyone's reaction when he starts raving about how everyone should respect him because he's a celebrity, damn it."

Draco was wavering. He was still really upset about the kiss, and it would be really funny to get Potter to go into full out diva mode...

But then from his spot on Draco's lap Harry looked up at him with his big, pretty green eyes, and smiled. "Nobody gets me like you do, Draco. When they make a movie about me and I give a speech at the Academy Awards, I'm going to thank you first."

And even though Draco didn't have the slightest clue what that meant, Harry was still Harry, and he was still really sweet, and still really hot, and when he smiled that smile at Draco the blonde felt himself and all his evil intentions melting into a big pile of mush.

"Oh bugger," said Gryffindor-Draco.

"There he goes again. He's such a fucking romantic sometimes, and it's so gross," said Slytherin-Draco.

"Oh, sod off, both of you," snapped Draco irritably. "Harry and I are staying right here for now, and then I'm taking him up to the tower. ALONE."

With irritated rolls of their eyes, both miniature Dracos disappeared with a soft pop. Draco turned back to Harry.

"You are just the most amazing person I have ever met. It's no wonder you're so famous. Now, I would love to listen to you tell me more about these muggle superheroes..."

***********************

"Hermione, Ron, I think I might have found them!" Ginny called out excitedly, pausing in front of a door. The two older Gryffindors came rushing over.

"Did you check for spells?" she asked, and Ginny nodded.

"There're four locking spells and three kinds of silencing spells on this door," she confirmed, and Ron let out a low whistle.

"That'd be them alright. Herm, can you get through the spells?"

"In my sleep with my wand arm tied behind my back," Hermione returned, already working on the first spell.

"Show off," muttered Ron under his breath, and Ginny poked him to shut him up. A couple minutes passed, and Hermione was just about to break the last spell when Seamus and Blaise sauntered around the corner.

"See, I told you I heard voices," Seamus was saying to Blaise, but Ginny interrupted them.

"We found Harry and Malfoy!" she said animatedly, and the two boys exchanged glances.

"Really?" said Blaise, smirking slightly. "Well, this should be good. Shall we open the door and see just how loony Draco's gone?"

"Now really," said Hermione, pausing with her hand on the now spell-free door, "We don't know that Draco was shagged silly again."

"Oh please," scoffed Seamus, "Are you kidding me? Those two haven't done the dirty deed in over a week. They were both gagging for it. I saw how Harry was kissing Malfoy in the common room earlier, and let me tell you, that little ferret doesn't stand a chance. Harry's probably shagged his brains all the way to Wales."

"Why are you so keen on how good Harry is at shagging?" Blaise said icily, glaring at Seamus, who looked slightly guilty.

"I'm not, I'm just saying - " Seamus started to say, but Blaise cut him off.

"I don't think I want to hear anything you're saying right now, Finnigan," he said haughtily, and Ron looked between the two, confused.

"What's going on with you two?" he asked, and Blaise and Seamus shot each other Looks.

"Um...nothing. Absolutely nothing," Seamus said, a little unconvincingly.

"That's right," Blaise said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Nothing. Although I hope you know that you and me are going to have a little talk about all this nothing later," he finished with a pointed look at Seamus.

"Mental," Ron muttered under his breath.

"Shall we?" Hermione said to the group, and everyone nodded. She slowly opened the door.

*********************

"...no, Spiderman is the one who can shoot web stuff out of his wrists. Wolverine is the one with the adamantium over his bones, and the mega-healing abilities, and the claws and the sideburns, and oh look, the door's opening!"

"What?" said Draco, who hadn't quite followed Harry's train of thought. He turned and saw to his horror no less than five people standing in the doorway.

"Granger, Weasley..."he started to say, but Harry was too quick for him.

"Ooooh, fans!" The crowd at the door blinked, but Harry carried on in his rather superior voice. "This is your lucky day, everyone! The Boy Who Lived is telling stories about superheroes!"

"Sorry, what?" said Ron, confused. "Harry, did you just call yourself the Boy Who Lived?"

"The Boy Who Lived is not to be questioned by riffraff such as you," Harry said haughtily. "And don't call me Harry. I'm a CELEBRITY, damn it. I am ONLY to be referred to as the Boy Who Lived, the Savior of the Wizarding World, or the Hogwarts Sex God, do you understand?" Five pairs of eyebrows shot up.

Hermione turned to Draco suspiciously. "Malfoy, what on earth -

"If you don't mind, you're INTERRUPTING the story," Harry said, obviously irritated, his voice rising slightly. "Now I'm going to have to start back at the beginning, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. This is NOT how you TREAT a CELEBRITY!"

Glancing between Malfoy's almost guilty expression and Harry's big green eyes that seemed to have no pupils, comprehension dawned on Hermione.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," Hermione began, but at Harry's scathing glare she hastily amended herself. "I mean, Mr. uh...Boy Who Lived." That seemed to appease Harry. Hermione turned to the others.

"Um, why don't you all listen to his story for a moment while I talk to Malfoy?" she said pleasantly, and the remaining four students standing in the doorway gave her some incredulous stares. Harry folded his arms across his chest and looked cross. "Well go on," Hermione hissed at them, "Before he gets cranky. You know how celebrities can be."

Dubious glances were exchanged, but the other four slowly edged over to the couch and sat on the floor in front of Harry. He bestowed benevolent looks upon them.

"How nice to see you all. As you are well aware, I am a very famous wizard, but today I am willing to tell stories to the fans. Today's story is about the X-Men. Are we ready to begin?"

"I'm not sure..." Ron stared to speak but Harry cut him off.

"It was a RHETORICAL question! You are not actually ALLOWED to speak to me! I am FAMOUS! I am a SUPERSTAR! I am a wizard IDOL! I am HARRY FUCKING POTTER, so sit down and SHUT UP!"

Four very wide pairs of eyes stared back at Harry, but no one said a word. Harry beamed at them.

"Now, where was I? Ah, yes. See, the X-Men are a group of very special muggles, with special powers..."

************************

Hermione had yanked Draco off the couch and pulled him a distance away from Harry's story-telling. "Malfoy, what the hell did you do to him? Why didn't you wait for the antidote?" she hissed, glaring daggers at Draco. He looked indignant.

"How was I supposed to know he'd fly off the deep end? We never figured it could happen to him," he said in righteous self-defense. Hermione seemed to cool off a bit.

"That's true," she said, but then she narrowed her eyes again. "But you could have gone nuts too. You should have been more careful! What were you thinking?"

"He kissed Finnigan," Draco said with a scowl. "I needed to remind him who he belongs to."

"You really are a possessive little bastard, aren't you?" Hermione said, but there was no rancor in her words. Instead, she was watching Harry.

"You're NOT LISTENING!!" Harry was howling at a terrified looking Seamus. "You're supposed to LISTEN to me because I'm a CELEBRITY, damn it!"

"We have got to get him out of here," Hermione said quietly. Draco nodded.

"I know. I was planning to sneak him back up to the tower for some antidote as soon as it hit midnight."

Hermione looked at her watch. "It's quarter to midnight right now. The potion will be ready in fifteen minutes, so I think it's time we got him upstairs."

"Okay, so let's go," Draco said eagerly, stepping towards Harry, but Hermione grabbed his arm.

"Not so fast. There are complications."

"What complications?"

"Everyone from the Truth or Dare game is looking for you two. They figured you'd have been shagged silly by now and they were hoping for a...repeat performance, so to speak."

Draco looked insulted. "Why, the absolute nerve! Why did everyone assume it would be me? May I ask why nobody realized what an incredible sex god I am? I am obviously just as good in bed as Harry! I mean, look what I did to him!"

They looked. Harry was standing up now, glaring down at his four friends seated on the floor.

"I don't think you APPRECIATE having a CELBRITY tell you stories!" he was shouting. "You all should be BEGGING me to even TALK to you! I defeated the Dark Lord when I was a BABY!! And then I killed a BASILISK! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??? I KILLED a FUCKING BASILISK when I was TWELVE!! WHERE IS MY ADORATION???"

The other four were cowering on the floor. Draco turned to Hermione.

"Look, let me handle this, okay?" he whispered, and she nodded. Draco ran over to the group.

"Harry, love," he said sweetly, and Harry turned to him.

"Draco, I am very upset," Harry said, pouting. "These plebians," he spat, glaring at his friends, "Don't appreciate a word I say."

"Why, you're absolutely right, sweetheart," Draco said, as soothingly as he could, "It's obvious to me that you need some new fans."

"YES I DO. Fans that LISTEN to me because I'm a -

"Celebrity, damn it. Yes, absolutely. Tell you what. I'm going to take you somewhere were there are lots of fans who are dying to see you. You can sign autographs and they will grovel on their knees and worship you. It'll be great."

"Really?" said Harry, his eyes nothing but two huge green oceans with tiny pinpricks of black in the center.

"Really really," Draco smiled. "Now go stand with Granger over there for a moment, okay? I need to chew these fans out for not appreciating you enough."

"Draco, I love you," Harry said, kissing his cheek and heading over to Hermione, who looked a bit nervous. Draco turned to the others.

"Why does he still like you?" Ron asked, sounding sulky. Draco rolled his eyes.

"Because I shagged his brains out, alright? And I know how to suck up to him," Draco returned irritably. "Now listen. We've got to -

"Get Harry to the Room of Requirement, and pronto!" Blaise finished. Draco raised an eyebrow.

"What?" he asked, and Blaise just stared at him.

"What do you mean, what? We have to share this Potter madness, its brilliant! Sure, he's a bit scary and maniacal, but it's wildly entertaining. Let's take him back!"

Seamus and Ginny were nodding enthusiastically. Ron was opening his mouth to protest, but Draco cut him off.

"Great plan, Blaise!" Draco said with a winning smile, glancing over at Harry, who was glaring at Hermione.

"What do you mean I DON'T HAVE AN AGENT? Of COURSE I have an AGENT, I'm a CELEBRITY, damn it!"

"Listen," Draco said confidentially to the group. "Why don't the three of you," he indicated Blaise, Seamus and Ginny, "go find everyone, bring them back to the Room of Requirement and tell everyone we're coming? Weasley, Granger and I will bring Harry along in a few minutes. It'll be great!"

Blaise had an evil grin. "Yes, it will. Come on, let's go," he said, and he and Ginny and Seamus left the room. Ron was glaring at Draco.

"You miserable little ferret, if you think for one second I'm going to let you take Harry to that room -

"Oh shut up, Weasley, I was just getting rid of them," Draco said irritably. "You, me, and Granger are taking the Boy Wonder up to Gryffindor tower, alright?"

"Oh," said Ron, and they both looked over at Harry, who was now screaming at Hermione.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN this castle doesn't have IMPORTED WATER? Are you saying that I'M supposed to bathe in COMMON WATER? Like EVERYONE ELSE? Are you MAD? I am HARRY POTTER. I'm the BOY WHO LIVED! I'm -

"Perhaps we should go now?" Ron suggested, and they quickly ran over to rescue Hermione and drag Harry up to Gryffindor tower.

**********************

It took a lot of cajoling on the part of Harry's friends, but finally they convinced Harry that his fan club was meeting in Gryffindor tower and they were dying to hear Harry's stories. The foursome made its way through the halls and were now in sight of the portrait of the Fat Lady, and so far things had been quiet - well, quiet if you don't count Harry's loudly spoken comments.

"Why on earth do I have to WALK to Gryffindor tower like some stupid nobody?" Harry sniffed, sounding insulted. His best friends and his boyfriend all closed their eyes and counted to ten silently to avoid smacking Harry, because Harry shagged silly was really a total and utter pill. "I mean, really. First, I have to harass my boyfriend for ages to get what I want. Second, I'm surrounded by moronic, unappreciative IDIOTS who don't like my stories. Third, I have to WALK to my fan club meeting. Where's my LIMO? Or my FLYING CARPET? Or at least a LITTER carried by YOUNG, HOT MEN in skimpy trousers. This is an OUTRAGE. I'm a CELEBRITY, damn -

"THERE THEY ARE!!!"

"Shit!" Draco swore, as the entire group from the Truth or Dare game burst around the corner and the foursome found themselves faced with a mob of eager looking Hogwarts students and no visible means of escape.

"I told you so!" Blaise shouted triumphantly. "I TOLD you Draco would try to take Harry back up to Gryffindor tower. But we've got them now!"

"Granger, Weasley, get ready to run," Draco said under his breath, holding tightly to Harry's arm, prepared to bodily drag him off, "as soon as I give the word..."

"FANS!!!" squealed Harry, and to Draco's dismay he wrenched himself out of the blonde's grasp. "I'm so HAPPY to see you all! I bet you'd all LOVE to hear my stories about -

A flash went off in the crowd, probably from Colin's camera. It wasn't much, but it was enough to make Harry fly off the handle.

"GOD DAMN IT!" he screamed, and everyone drew back, frightened. "Who took that PICTURE??? You can't just TAKE PICTURES of me WITHOUT PERMISSION!! How DARE you!! I will NOT be SPLASHED across the TABLOIDS like BLOODY BENNIFER!!!"

He glared menacingly at the crowd. "I am HARRY FUCKING POTTER!! I am the BOY WHO LIVED. I defeated the DARK LORD! Not ONCE, not TWICE, but FOUR FUCKING TIMES!!! I have been on the COVER of MORE MAGAZINES than ANY OTHER WIZARD ALIVE!! I am the BEST SEEKER in ENGLAND!! I am a SUPERSTAR! I am a SEX GOD! I am an IDOL, and I'M A CELEBRITY, DAMN IT!!!

Everyone just stared silent and open mouthed at Harry, and Draco took that as his cue.

"RUN!" And grabbing Harry by the arms Hermione, Ron and Draco dragged him through a tiny opening in the crowd.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!! HOW DARE YOU MANHANDLE ME LIKE THIS!!" Harry was screaming, but they ignored him.

As soon as they reached the portrait, Hermione turned to Draco. "Ron and I will hold them off, just get Harry upstairs and force-feed him the potion if you have to!" Draco nodded and shoved the protesting Harry through the hole. Hermione whirled around to face the mob.

"ALRIGHT!" she shouted, eyes blazing. "If any of you want to get to Harry, you're going to have to get through me first! And I promise I know more spells and hexes than all of you combined! I am top of our class! I have been doing NEWT practice papers since I was twelve! My I.Q. is off the charts! Anyone want to challenge me? Go on and try it. I dare you." She glared at the crowd.

"Now who's acting like a diva?" Blaise muttered under his breath.

"I heard that," said Hermione testily. Blaise opened his mouth to respond, but Ginny beat him to it.

"We don't have time for this, they're getting away!" she shouted, and whipped out her wand. "Stupefy!" she shouted, catching Hermione off guard. Hermione fell over, stunned. Ron opened his mouth to speak, but Ginny got him with another stunning spell first.

"Now come on, let's go!" she shouted, and the crowd poured in through the portrait hole.

Everyone thundered up the stairs on the heels of Draco and Harry, but they were a moment too late. In the nick of time Draco managed to shove Harry into his bedroom before all their friends made it up the stairs - just in time to see Draco Malfoy slam the door shut.

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