A MST of a Different Kind

James: FIX MY HAIR NOW, LILY MARIE EVANS!!!!!!!!!!

Lily: Alright, alright...You were complaining about looking like Snape, so I fixed it for you!

James: That does not mean I want to look like bloody LUCIUS MALFOY!!!!!!!!!

Lucius: ::shocked:: I beg your pardon? I happen to think I look dead sexy.

Bella: Er, I have to agree with Potter here. Platinum blonde is just not his color.

Lily: Oh, fine! ::waves wand:: ::James is now a redhead::

James: LILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily: Hee Hee...Oops?

James: FIX IT NOW!!!!!!!!

Lily: Oh, your no fun! ::changes his hair back to black::

James: ::runs hand through hair, messing up all of Lily's hard work:: I swear to God, I will never let another person go near my hair. I don't care how scruffy it is, it just isn't worth it!

MVTSMLM: Hey, I'm back!

Everyone: ::groans::

Lily/James: ::extremely evil looks::

MVTSMLM: Don't look so excited. Now, who wants to read this chapter?

::crickets are heard in background::

MVTSMLM: Oh, fine! I'll choose! Eni, Meanie, Miney, Moe! ::points to Lucius::

Lucius: @#!*$!@&#&@(*$&@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MVTSMLM: Thought you'd be happy. Now start reading. ::disappears::

Peter: She's not happy today, is she?

Remus: It's just lack of sleep. She'll get over it.

CHAPTER THREE: THE KNIGHT BUS

James: Hey! I've ridden on that before!

Bella: So have I. I ended up sick for weeks...::grumbles::

Harry was several streets away before he collapsed

Lily: ::jaw drops:: My baby!! ::tries to run over to him, then remember he isn't born yet:: ::cries::

onto a low wall in Magnolia Crescent, panting from the effort of dragging his trunk.

James: Don't cry, Lily...

Sirius: ...Dragging a trunk is liable to wear anyone out.

Lily: ::sniffs:: If you say so.

He sat quite still, anger still surging through him, listening to the frantic thumping of his heart.

Peter: Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Narcissa: ::angry:: ::jumps up:: WILL YOU STOP THAT?! It's driving me crazy!

Peter: Oh, sorry. ::grins:: ::under his breath:: Thump.

Narcissa: ::screams::

But after ten minutes alone in the dark street, a new emotion overtook him:

Frank: Oh, let me guess...could it be panic?

panic.

Remus: I know the feeling. ::smiles grimily::

James: Trust me, Remus is the king of panicking. And worrying. ::thinks about it for a minute:: God, he sounds like my mother!

Lily: ::slaps him::

James: Let me guess what I did wrong this time...I insulted Remus?

Lily: ::nods head::

James: I know I've asked this before, but why do you like Remus and not me?

Lily: Because Remus is sweet. His sophisticated. He's not annoying. He's a prefect.

James: ::angry:: He's a bloody were...

::Large truck appears out of nowhere, making very, very loud noises so that absolutely no one can hear what James just said.::

Snape: Wait a minute...Did he just say Remus was a...

MVTSMLM: OBLIVATE!!!!

Snape: ::dazed:: Oh, what pretty stars! ::faints::

MVTSMLM: ::turns to James:: ::is very, very angry:: You! You...::points finger:: I'll deal with you after this chapter! ::disappears::

Everyone: ::turns to James:: What did you say?

James: Nothing...It was nothing...::looks around sheepishly::

Remus: ::evil, evil glare::

Whichever way he looked at it, he had never been in a worse fix. He was stranded, quite alone, in the dark Muggle world, with absolutely nowhere to go.

Lily: ::sniffs:: MY POOR, POOR BABY!!!!!!!!!!

Lucius: Gees, woman, get a hold of yourself!

Lily: ::slaps him::

James: ::laughs::

Lily: ::slaps him too::

James: What was that for?

Lily: For laughing, rather than worrying for our son!

Alice: ::to Sirius, so no one else can hear:: Did my ears just deceive me, or did she say our son?

Sirius: ::to Alice, so no one else can hear:: I think our Perfect Prefect is starting to actually enjoy the company of the Ringleader of the Marauders.

Alice: Second we get out of here, I am so setting the up on a date.

Sirius: Duh!

Alice/Sirius: ::sigh romantically::

And the worst of it was, he had just done serious magic, which meant that he was almost certainly expelled from Hogwarts.

Lucius: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lily: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

::both glare at each other evilly::

He had broken the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry so badly,

Frank: Not that bad kid, not that bad. Trust me, I work at the Ministry. Things like that happen. Daily.

he was surprised Ministry of Magic representatives weren't swooping down on him where he sat.

Alice: Oh yeah, he most definitely is panicking.

Sirius: He only blew up his aunt!

Narcissa: It's nothing to get expelled about!

Remus: I have to say though, he's got a wild imagination!

Lily: Is that a good thing?

Harry shivered and looked up and down Magnolia Crescent.

Peter: ::sarcastically:: Really, now, is this not a thrill-a-minute book?

Lucius: Surprisingly, I agree.

Sirius: Your just mad because you had to read. Besides, it gets better. I think.

Remus: It did earlier, remember?

Sirius: Yeah, last chapter was action packed!

James/Lily: IT WAS NOT! ::pout::

What was going to happen to him?

Frank: You'll be going back to Hogwarts in about two weeks. ::grins::

Would he be arrested, or would he simply be outlawed from the wizarding world?

Lily: ::begins biting her fingernails::

James: ::to himself:: Thankfully! It hurts when she slaps you, with those long nails of hers!

Lily: ::hears him:: Why I oughta...::slaps him::

He thought of Ron and Hermione,

Bella: Does his life just revolve around those two?

Tonks: His social life does.

and his heart sank even lower. Harry was sure that, criminal or not,

Sirius: ::tenses at the mention of criminal.::

Ron and Hermione would want to help him now,

Lily: At least they're good friends. ::smiles::

Remus: I know exactly how he's feeling. ::smiles sadly::

Marauders: AWWWWWWW!!!!!! ::hug each other::

Others: ::watch with amusement::

Lucius: Okay...That was...weird...

but they were both abroad, and with Hedwig gone, he had no means of contacting them.

Narcissa: What about floo?

Remus: HE LIVES WITH MUGGLES!

Narcissa: Oh yeah! I forgot! ::giggles::

He didn't have any Muggle money, either.

Bella: Not many wizards do.

There was a little wizard gold in the money bag at the bottom of his trunk, but the rest of the fortune

James: ::ears perked:: Fortune?

Lily: ::sniffs:: At least we left him well off.

James: Holy crap, I'm rich!

Remus: Care to loan any of that, James?

James: ::not listening:: Take that, Aunt Marge! Unemployed my ass...

his parents had left him

Lily: ::sniffs::

was stored in a vault at Gringotts Wizarding Bank in London.

Lucius: ::out of nowhere:: I own Gringotts.

::pause::

Narcissa: ::stares:: That was random.

Lucius: I know it was. I couldn't help it.

He'd never be able to drag his trunk all the way to London. Unless...

Bella: Uh oh, I think he's plotting something...

Lily: It's okay. He's my son, he's bound to be brilliant! ::smiles proudly::

Bella: Let me rephrase that: He's plotting something not-so-brilliant.

Lily: ::looks offended::

Snape: ::begins to stir awake::

He looked down at his wand, which he was still clutching in his hand. If he was already expelled

Frank: I'm telling you, he's not.

Lily: ::fearfully:: You don't know that!

Frank: Please, I've done more than blow my Aunt up, and I was never expelled!

Lily: But this is under completely different circumstances!

Alice: Somehow, I doubt that.

(his heart was. now thumping painfully fast),

Peter: Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Remus: Okay, Pete, that really is getting annoying.

Peter: Sorry. Couldn't help it...::grins sheepishly::

a bit more magic couldn't hurt.

Snape: ::wakes up:: Um...Who am I?

Sirius: ::grins very Sirius-like:: ::pretends:: JOE BILLY BOB!! YOUR ALIVE!!! ::hugs Snape::

Snape: Joe...Billy Bob?

Sirius: My long lost twin brother, whom we all thought died at birth! How are you?! ::hugs Snape tighter::

Snape: Can't...breath...squeezing too hard...

James: ::grins:: ::pretends:: Joe! My second son! How very good to see you! ::hugs Snape as well::

Snape: ::jumps back:: There is no way in hell that you are my father! Your too short!

Lily: ::grins:: ::getting into the act:: He is too your father! He's a midget, remember? And I'm your dear cousin, Sue! ::pretends to be worried:: Oh, you do remember me, right? We used to play dolls together! We did each others hair and put on make up!

Snape: ::grabs the nearest, hardest thing available:: ::knocks himself back out::

MVTSMLM: ALRIGHT DOWN THERE! YOU'VE HAND YOUR FUN, NOW START READING!! ::waves wand:: ::tries to fix Snape's memory::

Peter: Crikey, she still isn't happy...

Remus: Something tells me we're going to have to pay for her unhappiness, too...

He had the Invisibility Cloak

James: ::looks at his feet guiltily::

Everyone: Ooh!!!

Lucius: Where on earth did he get one of those?

Alice: I hear they are extremely rare!

Frank: I hear they don't even make them anymore!

Marauders: ::giggle, thankfully unnoticed::

he had inherited from his father

All minus Marauders: ::stare at James:: YOU HAVE AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK?!

James: ::nods sheepishly::

Lily: ::clicks:: So that's how you're able to play all those pranks and never get caught! Why you little... ::shakes fist::

MVTSMLM: Just so you know, my MSTeteers, whatever you find out about anyone in this book, you are never to speak of it again outside this room. Understood?

Everyone: ::nod their little noodles, with fingers crossed behind backs::

MVTSMLM: I mean it now, else I might make you eat the left overs from Thanksgiving...and even though it's past New Years, I still have some...

Everyone: ::groans::

what if he bewitched the trunk to make it feather-light, tied it to his broomstick, covered himself in the cloak, and flew to London?

Sirius: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life. And I've heard stupid stuff. I'm like, the King of Stupid, here, folks.

Remus: Don't blame him! He's panicking! People do that when they panic!

Sirius: It's still stupid.

Remus/Lily: He's not stupid!

Then he could get the rest of his money out of his vault and... begin his life as an outcast.

Peter: Okay, I agree with you, Sirius. It's stupid.

Frank: He's panicking.

Remus: ::looks offended:: People do stupid things when they panic.

Alice: I thought that was "People do crazy things when they're in love?"

Remus: That too.

It was a horrible prospect, but he couldn't sit on this wall forever,

James: Yes he can. He's my son, he can do whatever the hell he wants!

or he'd find himself trying to explain to Muggle police why he was out in the dead of night with a trunk full of spellbooks and a broomstick.

Everyone: ::laugh::

James: That would be absolutely hilarious. ::laughs::

Sirius: And James has no sense of humor! ::laughs as well::

James: ::hits Sirius::

Sirius: AIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily: ::hits James::

James: OW! What was that for?

Lily: Hitting someone. Don't you know that's my trademark?

James: No! Besides, he deserved it!

Lily: ::thinks about it:: True. ::hits Sirius::

Sirius: I just can't win, can I?

Harry opened his trunk again and pushed the contents aside, looking for the Invisibility Cloak -

Everyone: ::look at James::

James: ::blush::

but before he had found it, he straightened up suddenly, looking around him once more.

Frank: He really is panicking, you know. Nothings going to get you!

Alice: You don't know that. Besides, he might just have a bad gut feeling. I get those all the time.

Peter: Gut feelings never work.

Sirius: Really, like, the first time I met Peter, I had a bad gut feeling that he was an evil sneaky rat...But he's an alright guy! ::wraps arm around Peter::

MVTSMLM: ::bites lip::

Remus: Oh, come on, Author Lady! Pete's a nice guy!

James: Yeah!

MVTSMLM: Just...read the book...::disappears::

A funny prickling on the back of his neck had made Harry feel he was being watched,

Everyone: Ooh! Mysterious!

Old Record Player from Two Chapters Ago: ::plays strange, mysterious, music::

Sirius: Maybe someone else has an invisibility cloak as well... ::looks around like something is going to jump out and kill him:: Gah!

but the street appeared to be deserted, and no lights shone from any of the large square houses.

Peter: Okay, your right. He does panic a lot.

Remus: Nothing wrong with panicking...I do it all the time, and I turned out fine, didn't I?

Sirius: ...No comment...

Remus: ::stands up:: ::looks very intimidating:: Let me repeat myself: I turned out fine, didn't I?!

James: ::gulps:: Yes, Moony, you turned out just fine!

Remus: Good. ::sits back down.::

He bent over his trunk again, but almost immediately stood up once more, his hand clenched on his wand.

Lucius: Smart move. Always have your wand out. You never know what's around the corner...::eyes all the others like they're going to jump out and attack him::

Tonks: Speaking of 'panicking'...

He had sensed

Lily: Use the Force, my son!

Others: ::stare::

Lily: Sorry...Author Lady has to have her minor Star Wars references, else she doesn't function properly.

rather than heard it:

Alice: I told you he had a bad gut feeling!

Peter: Damn those gut feelings! Just damn them! They never work!

Alice: Well, mine do. ::evil glare::

someone or something was standing in the narrow gap between the garage and the fence behind him.

Everyone: Ooh! Mysterious! ::wiggle fingers mysteriously::

Old Record Player: ::plays even MORE mysterious music::

Harry squinted at the black alleyway.

James: Ah, damn, he has my eyesight too...

Lily: My poor baby...::rubs James head::

James: ::laughs::

Sirius/Alice: ::grin like very horrible matchmakers::

If only it would move, then he'd know whether it was just a stray cat

Sirius: I hate cats.

Remus: We know. You've only told us a billion times before.

Sirius: I know, just wanted to remind you.

or -- something else.

Lucius: Something else? ::gulps:: That's insinuating that it might not be a cat...

Sirius: ::again:: I hate cats.

Frank: So says Mr. Doggy-Boy...

"Lumos," Harry muttered,

Frank: ::joking:: Ooh! Harry, you just did more illegal magic! Ministry's going to have your head for this you know!

Others: ::laugh::

Lily: ::glare::

James: ::was about to laugh, but saw Lily's glare and didn't::

Lily: ::smiles happily because of James::

and a light appeared at the end of his wand, almost dazzling him.

Bella: That's a good dueling move, you know. Get near your opponent and use a simple Lumos spell...They'd never know what hit them!

Alice: Wow! I didn't know that...I'll have to try it sometime.

He held it high over his head, and the pebble-dashed walls of number two suddenly sparkled;

Peter: Now, seriously, folks, this is starting to get boring again.

Lucius: ::evil, evil glare because we all know how evil Lucius is:: Maybe it wouldn't be so boring if some people ::glares at others:: would just let me read the chapter!

Everyone: ::backs away slowly::

the garage door gleamed, and between them Harry saw,

Sirius: Eureka!

Peter: He can see!

Remus: Maybe he's not as blind as James after all...

James: ::evil glare at friends::

quite distinctly, the hulking outline of something very big, with wide, gleaming eyes.

Alice: HA! Take that, Peter! His gut feeling worked!

Peter: Beginners luck...::grumbles::

Harry stepped backward. His legs hit his trunk and he tripped.

Lily: ::jumps up:: MY POOR BABY!!!!!!! Oh, is he hurt? Did he break his leg? Arm? Buttock? Blood rushing to the head...Come on now, Harry, how many fingers am I holding up?

Others: ::watch with amusement::

Remus: Lily...He's not here.

Lily: ::sniffs:: I know. I just wish he was. I miss him already...

Bella: ...Never mind the fact that you've never met him...

His wand flew out of his hand as he flung out an arm to break his fall, and he landed, hard, in the gutter -

Lily: ::sniffs:: He's hurt...My poor baby...Don't worry, Harry, Mummy's here for you, in the spirit, at least...

There was a deafening BANG,

::somewhere in the back of the room, something explodes::

Everyone: SIRIUS!!!

Sirius: Sorry! I couldn't help it!

and Harry threw up his hands to shield his eyes against a sudden blinding light -

James: DUN DUN DUN!!!

Sirius: May we, the Honorary Marauders...

Remus: Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs...

Peter: Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers...

James: Present to you, the title of the chapter:

Marauders: THE KNIGHT BUS!!!!!!!!!!

With a yell, he rolled back onto the pavement, just in time.

Frank: Dang...The Knight Bus nearly killed him.

Lily: My poor baby...

Snape: That's gotta hurt.

Everyone: ::shocked:: Snape! Your back!

Snape: Um, I never left...And who's Snape? I thought I was Joe Billy Bob...

Lucius/Bella/Narcissa: ::blank stare::

Others: ::laugh before continuing to read::

A second later, a gigantic pair of wheels and headlights screeched to a halt exactly where Harry had just been lying.

Lily: I'm suing the Knight Bus.

James: Why?

Lily: For future damage to my one and only son, Harry Potter...

Sirius/Alice: ::share a look, before sighing romantically::

They belonged, as Harry saw when he raised his head, to a triple-decker, violently purple bus,

Bella: ::shakes with bad memories::

which had appeared out of thin air.

Lucius: Duh! It's magical! All magical things can just appear out of thin air!

Gold lettering over the windshield spelled The Knight Bus.

Peter: See?

Remus: When the Marauders are right, we are right!

For a split second, Harry wondered if he had been knocked silly by his fall.

Frank: ::joking:: What are you talking about? You're always silly!

Lily: ::slaps Frank::

James: ::laughs::

Lily: ::slaps James:: I would've thought you'd learn by now not to laugh at others expense...

Then a conductor in a purple uniform leapt out of the bus and began to speak loudly to the night.

Alice: Doesn't even notice that they nearly killed him...How nice.

"Welcome to the Knight Bus,

Marauders: ::smile proudly::

emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard.

Peter: You don't know how convenient that really is until you really are stranded.

Lily: If it's helping my son, I like it.

James: But at the same time, we don't like it. It nearly killed Harry!

Lily: ::smiles and nods::

Just stick out your wand hand, step on board, and we can take you anywhere you want to go.

Remus: Except for under water.

Frank: Yeah, the bus doesn't like to get wet.

Snape: It gets angry when it's wet.

Sirius: Just like a cat...::growls::

Peter: Will you stop with the cats, Sirius?

Sirius: No. I hate cats. I hate them. I hate them!

My name is Stan Shunpike,

Everyone: Nice to meet you, Stan!

Lucius: Shunpike...I think I know a guy name Shunpike!

Everyone: Really?

Lucius: Yeah! He has a son... ::gasps:: Named Stan!

Everyone: ::double gasps::

Old Record Player: ::plays dramatic music::

Remus: Congratulations, Author! You've indirectly mentioned someone else!

MVTSMLM: Oh, joy!

and I will be your conductor this eve --" The conductor stopped abruptly.

Tonks: Do you think he noticed Harry laying on the ground?

He had just caught sight of Harry, who was still sitting on the ground.

Lily: My poor baby...He's probably so confused...Don't worry, honey, Mummy's here for you...

Harry snatched up his wand again and scrambled to his feet.

Lucius: I have to admire his connection for his wand. He always remember to grab it. Snape: That's also good for dueling...I think...::looks confused:: What's dueling?

Close up, he saw that Stan Shunpike was only a few years older than he was,

Narcissa: It's scary that they'd let someone so young work on a bus for crying out loud.

eighteen or nineteen at most,

Bella: Really scary!

with large, protruding ears and quite a few pimples.

Alice: I have to say it, but it doesn't seem like Stan's much of a looker, now is he?

Frank: Now now, Alice dear, we aren't to judge based on looks, are we?

Alice: Nope! Else the authoress might just zap us for being so rude!

Lucius: I might want to tell George to remind his son to wash his skin..

"What were you doin' down there?"

Lucius: Good Lord, does no one speak proper English anymore?!

said Stan, dropping his professional manner.

Snape: Great...He's a liar as well. That's nice.

"Fell over," said Harry.

Lily: ::sniffs:: My poor, poor baby... ::pretends to coddle a pillow which she has named Harry::

"'Choo fall over for?" sniggered Stan.

James: ::rolls eyes:: He didn't do it on purpose, you dimwit!

"I didn't do it on purpose," said Harry, annoyed.

Sirius: Wow! James, your starting to know Harry as well as Lily does!

James: ::smiles proudly:: He defended me when I couldn't defend myself. I respect that. Plus, he looks just like me, (Dead Sexy) so what's not to like about him?

Remus: He panics.

James: Yeah, but that's just probably because he hung around you too much when he was younger.

Remus: ::is insulted::

One of the knees in his jeans was torn, and the hand he had thrown out to break his fall was bleeding.

Girls: Awe...Poor Harry!

Lily: Mummy knows how to make it better, baby, don't you worry! I've just got to find some sort of potion... ::looks around carefully::

Snape: Uh oh...

Sirius: What?

Snape: We best start running. People who talk in third person are always psychos.

Alice: ::insulted:: Lily is not a psycho!

Snape: Sure, that's what they all say...That's what they all say...

Alice: She's not, Joe Billy Bob!! ::pouts::

Snape: ::sighs:: I know that's my name...But I just can't get over the feeling that their's something you guys aren't telling me...

He suddenly remembered why he had fallen over

Frank: Real good memory he has, too.

MVTSMLM: About as good as ya'lls.

Remus: Ya'lls?!

MVTSMLM: Ah, shut up about my country accent! I didn't ask to be born and raised in the southern part of the United States! Besides, you guys' memory is horrible! You don't remember any of what you read three seconds ago!

James: Sure we do!

MVTSMLM: ::raises eyebrow:: Really? Proof it!

Sirius: Um, three seconds ago...

Peter: We...um...

Narcissa: I think, no...

Bella: No...that was last time we we're captured by an evil author and used in a fanfic...

Snape: Don't ask me...My memory was erased, remember? But it is starting to come back...a little.

Alice: I'm not sure, but I think...

Lucius: ::angry:: Three second's ago we met Stan Shunpike, Harry almost got ran over, and he was very annoyed.

MVTSMLM: Wow! One of you pay attention! Gold star for Lucy! ::claps::

Lucius: DON"T CALL ME LUCY!!

MVTSMLM: ::ignores him:: Now keep reading!

Everyone: ::groan::

and turned around quickly to stare at the alleyway between the garage and fence.

Peter: --And saw that it was empty. 'Wow! It must have been my imagination!'

The Knight Bus's headlamps were flooding it with light, and it was empty.

Alice: ::jaw drops::

Remus: Wow, Pete! You were right! He was just imagining things!

James: I don't believe it!

"'Choo lookin' at?" said Stan.

Lucius: A book: How To Speak Proper English By Lucius O. Malfoy

Narcissa: Nah, he was talking to his imaginary friend!

"There was a big black thing,"

Snape: Doesn't go overboard on description, does he?

said Harry, pointing uncertainly into the gap. "Like a dog...

Sirius: ::barks::

::pause::

Everyone: ::stares::

Frank: Wow, Sirius, that was...very realistic.

Sirius: What can I say? I love dogs!

Marauders: ::evil glare at Sirius::

but massive..."

Lily: You know, there is a huge dog that hangs around Hogsmeade sometimes.

Alice: What, Snuffles?

Snape: ::stiffens:: I hate that dog.

Sirius: ::shifts his feet nervously::

James: ::to Sirius, so no one else can here:: You'll have to be more careful when you transform, else they'll figure us out!

He looked around at Stan, whose mouth was slightly open.

Bella: And drooling.

Tonks: Yuck! That's gross!

With a feeling of unease, Harry saw Stan's eyes move to the scar

Lily/James: ::shake nervously::

on Harry's forehead.

Frank: He's going to start panicking again.

"Woss that on your 'ead?" said Stan abruptly.

James: ::proudly:: ::as Harry:: It's a scar I got when I was a year old! Did I mention I'm the only known survivor of the killing curse?

"Nothing,"

James: ::jaw drops::

Lily: At least my boy is modest. ::smiles proudly::

said Harry quickly, flattening his hair over his scar.

Lily: ::jumps up angrily:: SEE?! SEE?! HIS HAIR LIES FLAT EASILY!! WHY WON'T YOURS?! ::pulls James' hair::

James: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. LET GO OF MY HAIR!!!!!!!! LET GO OF MY HAIR!!!:recoils::

If the Ministry of Magic was looking for him,

Frank: Which they aren't, but hey, if you want them to...

he didn't want to make it too easy for them.

Sirius: He panics.

Remus: Nothing wrong with panicking! I keep telling you guys that, but you don't believe me!

Peter: Yes, well, you're a pessimist.

Remus: Better safe than sorry! ::crosses arms::

"Woss your name?" Stan persisted.

James: Harry Potter! ::smiles proudly.

"Neville Longbottom,"

Frank: ::spits out his Butterbeer:: WHAT?!

James: That's what I was thinking!

Alice: Read it again, Malfoy.

Lucius: No.

Others: Why?

Lucius: Do I look like your personal book reader? No, I think...

MVTSMLM: ::zaps him::

Lucius: ::coughs:: Ah, right. Reading...

"Neville Longbottom,"

Frank: Wow...A Longbottom...I'm--amazed!

Alice: I love the name Neville!

Frank/Alice: ::look at each other:: ::blush::

Remus: Wow, Mysterious Authoress! That's like, another one of us mentioned, even if it is indirectly!

MVTSMLM: ::smiles::

James: ::confused:: I still don't get it...Harry was talking...Who the hell is Neville Longbottom...

said Harry, saying the first name that came into his head.

Frank: Maybe...just maybe...Neville Longbottom is my son. And maybe, just maybe...he's friends with Harry...::gets teary-eyed:: I have a son!

Lily: ::looks at Alice:: Maybe...Maybe this Neville guy is your son...

Alice: And Harry is your son...

Lily: Maybe...

Alice/Lily: THEY'RE FRIENDS!!! ::squee loudly:: ::glomp each other::

"So -- so this bus," he went on quickly, hoping to distract Stan,

Lucius: Which probably isn't that hard...

"did you say it goes anywhere?"

Remus: Well, not anywhere. Can't very well go underwater, can it?

"Yep," said Stan proudly,

Bella: Proud? Proud?! How could anyone be proud of that...that thing!

"anywhere you like, long's it's on land. Can't do nuffink underwater.

Lucius: ::Begins to bang his head due to lack of proper English.::

Marauders: See? See? We're right! ::dance around proudly::

'Ere," he said, looking suspicious again,

Everyone: ::wiggles fingers:: Wow...MST-terious!

Old Record Player: ::more mysterious music::

"You did flag us down, dincha?

James: ::as Harry:: No, but never mind that...

Stuck out your wand 'and, dincha?"

"Yes," said Harry quickly.

Snape: Liar.

Lily: My son is not a liar!

Snape: ::rolls eyes:: Oh, of course not...Not your precious Harry!

Lily: Duh!!!

"Listen, how much would it be to get to London?"

Peter: Eleven Sickles.

Sirius: But for thirteen you get hot chocolate!

Remus: And fifteen you get a hot water bottle and a toothbrush...

James: In whatever color you want! ::grins::

"Eleven Sickles," said Stan, "but for thirteen you get 'ot chocolate, and for fifteen you get an 'ot water bottle an' a toofbrush in the color of your choice."

Lucius: ::bites lip:: You know what I'm going to be when I grow up?

Bella: Aren't you grown up?

Lucius: ::evil glare::

Bella: ::recoils::

Narcissa: What?

Lucius: An English teacher. I didn't realize just how much the people of England needed it until now.

Frank: Wow, Author Lady, you've made Lucius realize his true calling in life!

MVTSMLM: Hey, anything to help out dear Lucy! ::pets Lucius::

Lucius: ::screams.:: DON'T CALL ME LUCY!!!

Harry rummaged once more in his trunk, extracted his money bag, and shoved some gold into Stan's hand.

James: ::dances around:: I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich! ::continues this for a few minutes.::

He and Stan then lifted his trunk,

Everyone: Why not Levitate it?

with Hedwig's cage

Alice: I'm starting to think that owl is important to the plot, as often as they bring her up.

Tonks: Hey! I know! Maybe she's a witch in disguise!

Marauders: ::uneasy looks::

Lily: Nah, that's just silly!

Snape: I have to agree...It is crazy.

Bella: Not to mention unlikely.

balanced on top, up the steps of the bus.

There were no seats;

Sirius: Of course not! It's the middle of the night, silly goose!

instead, half a dozen brass bedsteads stood beside the curtained windows.

Peter: Boring!

Remus: Maybe to you, but not to the rest of us!

Peter: Whatever. It's still boring. ::lays back, trying to look cool:: ::fails::

Candles were burning in brackets beside each bed, illuminating the wood-paneled walls.

James: You know what would be bad?

Everyone: What?

James: If the candles fell and lit the whole bus on fire.

Sirius: ::nods:: True.

Bella: Good riddance!! I hate that bus!

A tiny wizard in a nightcap at the rear of the bus muttered, "Not now, thanks, I'm pickling some slugs"

Snape: Interesting...

Alice: Why would you pickle slugs on a bus?

Narcissa: I have no idea...

and rolled over in his sleep.

Frank: Alright, we'll forgive him. He was sleeping.

::pause::

Lucius: Why on Earth would you dream about pickling slugs?

Old Record Player: ::mysterious music::

Peter: That's possibly another one of the mysteries of this book that we'll never figure out... Why did the wizard dream about pickling slugs...

"You 'ave this one," Stan whispered, shoving Harry's trunk under the bed right

Lily: That's not nice! He might've had something valuable in their!

behind the driver, who was

Narcissa: -From what Harry could tell, not at all older than Stan...

Bella: Please, no! ::turns a funny green color::

sitting in an armchair in front of the steering wheel.

James: That's...nice.

Peter: This is a really boring book.

Lucius: We know, Pettigrew! You've only told us that one thousand times!

Peter: Just as long as you know. ::leans back in his chair::

"This is our driver, Ernie Prang.

James: Prang...Prang...I know someone named Prang! ::jumps up::

Everyone: Really?

James: Yes! He's a friend of my Dad's...Blimey, is he still alive?

Sirius: Looks like it.

This is Neville Longbottom, Ern. "

Frank/Alice: ::swell up with pride::

Ernie Prang, an elderly wizard wearing very thick glasses,

James: That's him alright...Wow...I can't believe...Ernie Prang... ::sits down:: ::blank look on face::

nodded to Harry, who nervously flattened his bangs

Lily: ::shoots evil glare to James::

again and sat down on his bed.

"Take 'er away, Ern," said Stan,

Narcissa: Glad to know it was Stan, not that weird guy who was dreaming of slugs.

Bella: Pickling slugs, dear 'Cissa. Pickling slugs.

sitting down in the armchair next to Ernie's.

::MST INTERRUPTION::

Remus: ::snaps fingers in front of James:: James?

James: ::doesn't answer::

Peter: Er, James? ::waves hand in front of him::

James: ::same blank look::

Sirius: ::with a very Sirius look on his face:: JAMES! LOOK, LILY IS STRIPPING!!!

Lily: ::turns red:: Sirius!

James: ::same blank look:: That's nice...

Sirius: Wow...If the idea of Lily without clothes on isn't even making him blink...Something's wrong...

Everyone: ::shares a look::

Lucius: Potter, are you feeling alright?

James: Yeah, just fine... ::stares out into space for a minute:: ::turns to the others:: How can Ernie be alive, and Dad's not? ::eyes water::

Lily: Come on, James...It'll be alright...::rubs his back::

MVTSMLM: ::appears::

James: No, it's not! ::begins to cry:: My parents are dead... ::sobs::

MVTSMLM: Come here, James... I know what you need...Some pie.

Everyone: ::shrieks::

Old Record Player: ::strange woman scream::

MVTSMLM: Not any of my pies, of course! But you can have some of this Turtle Cheesecake my friend made, with chocolate and caramel...

James: ::sniffs:: I'm allergic to cheesecake.

MVTSMLM: ::blinks:: Well, some hot Ramon noodles seem to be in order...::disappears:: ::takes James with her::

Narcissa: ::sniffs:: I wonder...If Potter's parents are dead...w-wonder if Mum is...

Bella: No! 'Cissa, don't think like that! ::hugs her sister:: Don't think like that, 'Cissa . . . Of course Mum is alive! She has to be.

Tonks: ::quietly:: But what if she's not? W-what if my Mummy and Daddy are...

Sirius: ::puts his arm around Tonks:: No, stop it. Nothing in this world would take Ted and Andromeda away from you. ::hugs Tonks:: Or me. ::hugs her tighter::

Lucius: ::puts book down:: Let's stop here for right now...

Alice: But we aren't even half way through the chapter!

MVTSMLM: Yes...But this seems to be the best spot to stop for the moment... Take a break...Here, have some cheesecake...::passes it around.::

Others: ::devouring the cheesecake::

Peter: Yum!

Narcissa: It's delicious!

Lucius: My compliments to the chief!

MVTSMLM: ::tenses up::

Remus: Uh oh...What'd he do?

Others: ::surround the author like some sort of group therapy session::

MVTSMLM: Stupid bastard...Made me a cheesecake for my birthday, two weeks before my birthday, because he forgot when my birthday was! So I tell him, "No worries! My birthdays in two weeks!" And now, when it is my birthday, forgets completely! Not even a "Happy Birthday, Jak!" or anything! ::grumbles grumbles whines moans::

Everyone: Awe! Poor Author Lady! ::pats her on the back::

MVTSMLM: But never mind my problems. You guys have a ton of reading to do!

Lily: ::looks around:: Say, where's James?

MVTSMLM: Oh, he's coming in a bit later. But until then, I've brought a substitute!

::Door opens::

Regulus: ::walks in:: Um, am I in the right place? This is "A MST of a Different Kind" right?

Sirius: ::faints::

Regulus: ::sees his brother:: Oh, this should be interesting...