Hogwarts Idol

Mr. Crabbe

***

Jaina: Yes, we are back to Hogwarts Idol! After Lord Voldie's little performance we are ready for a good singer now, I mean, someone new.

A loud voice overhead: And I have just the person for you, Bob. Mr. Crabbe come on down, you are the next person on The Price is Right! *jumping up and down Mr. Crabbe runs down slapping the hands of his friends on his way up to the stage*

Jaina: *she looks around* What the....who was that? And I'm not Bob, I'm Jaina, you know, the host for Hogwarts Idol, where our three judges, Harry, Hermione and Ron judge the students to see who'll become the next Hogwarts Idol. Ok, anyways, next up is Mr. Crabbe. *she turns to Crabbe and smiles at him. He is wearing a very small tank top, a very short plaid skirt, showing his tight underwear that says Dirrty on it and a pair of chaps* Welcome to the show.

Crabbe: Hi.

Jaina: *she steps away from him, eyeing his outfit* That's some outfit you have. So, you are a Death Eater. And a complete lackey of Lucius Malfoy's, right?

Crabbe: Yeah.

Jaina: Alright, so what will you be singing for us today?

Crabbe: "Dirrty" by Christina Aguilera.

Jaina: *she raises her eyebrows and mutters* Oh god, please no. *a little louder* Well, good luck up against the judges, Harry, Hermione and Ron. *muttering* You'll need it.

Crabbe: Thanks. *he walks up onto the stage* Crabbe. "Dirrty" by Christina Aguilera. For Goyle. *he walks to the doors of the Great Hall and turns around*

Dirrty
Filthy
Nasty
Too dirrty to clean my act up
If you ain't dirrty... you ain't here to party!

*Crabbe turns around with a yell*

Ladies move, gentlemen move

*he starts walking up to the stage*
Somebody ring the alarm
A fire on the roof
Ring the alarm (And I'm throwin elbows)

*Crabbe elbows a few Hufflepuffs out of his way as he approaches the stage*
I said ring the alarm (And I'm throwin elbows)
Ring the alarm (And I'm throwin elbows)

*After muscling his way up to the stage, Crabbe hops on it with a burst of energy*

Ooh, I'm overdue
Gimme some room, I'm comin' through
Paid my dues, I'm in the mood
Me and my girls gonna shake the room

*some girls come up on stage, dressed as little as Crabbe is. The guys start to cheer for the half naked girls, but look sick when the glance at Crabbe*
DJ's spinnin (show your hands)
And let's get dirrty (that's my jam)
I need that ... to get me off
Sweatin' till my clothes come off

*he pulls off the tank top to reveal a tiny triangle bikini top*

It's explosive, speakers are thumpin'
Still jumpin', 6 in the morning
Table dancin', glasses are crashin'

*Crabbe jumps up on the head table, kicking the teacher's goblets out of the way*
No question, time for some action!

Temperature's up (Can you feel it?)
'Bout to erupt (so get)

*he rolls around on the table in front of McGonagall, who looks very sick*
Gonna get my girls
Get your boys
Gonna make some noise...

*jumping down, Crabbe's personal dancers come out, looking much better than him, and begin to dance around him*

Gonna get rowdy
Gonna get a little unruly
Get it fired up in a hurry
Wanna get dirrty

*a mud pit suddenly appears and Crabbe begins to roll around in it*
It's about time that I came to start the party
Sweat drippin' over my body
Dancin' gettin' just a little naughty
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time for my arrival

*he starts fighting a girl but the girl beats him up pretty good, almost knocking him out*

Ahh, heat is up
So ladies, fellas, drop your cups
Body's hot from front to back
Move your ass, I like that

*he jumps and turns around shaking his booty at everyone. Hiding her eyes Jaina cries*

Jaina: The pain! The pain!

Crabbe: Tight hip huggers (low fo' sho')
Shake a little somethin' (On the floor)
I need that ... to get me off
Sweatin' till my clothes come off

*he begins to take off his very short 'has no real point since we can see his underwear already' skirt when Ron jumps up*

Ron: No more! No more! Are you all trying to bloody kill me?

Hermione: *coughs* Indirectly? Yes.

Jaina: *looking past Crabbe to some of his better-looking dancers* Er, very nice performance there Crabbe. Well, let's hear how our judges liked it or didn't like it. Hermione?

Hermione: Well, you had a very nice routine and great dancer's. *she was flirting with one of the dancers now* I might need to get the names and probably numbers of some of them so that I can see if they want...er...special training.

Jaina: *smiling at the dancers as well* Hermione, focus.

Hermione: *coughs again* Oh yes. Well, as for the singing part. I will have to say no. What about you Harry?

Harry: Well dawg, to tell ya the truth...you suck. And that outfit, one, how the hell did you get into it? And two, please, please never wear anything like that again, bro. Though I do agree with Hermione, the dancers are nice on the eyes. *mutters* Even if you aren't. What do you think, Ron?

Ron: *he holds his wand to his forehead* I'm a Wizard on the edge! I'll do it, I will! If you make me listen to one more bloody note I'll kill myself!

Jaina: *she points her wand at Ron* Obliviate! Is that better Ron?

Ron: *he looks around confused* Huh? How did I get here? Wait, it's all coming back to me now, Hogwarts Idol, and...*he looks at Crabbe* NO! You'll never go on! You'll never be a Hogwarts Idol!

Jaina: *sighing she knocked Ron out* Sorry, folks, but I couldn't let him hurt himself. Don't worry, everyone's favorite Ron will be back for next episode. But it looks like Crabbe won't be. How do you feel about that Crabbe?

Crabbe: Not good?

Jaina: Are you sure about that? Is that your final answer?

Crabbe: Umm, yeah?

Jaina: *she shakes her head* Well, sorry you didn't make it, but good luck with the wild card round. *Crabbe walks off the stage* After we wake up Ron we'll have another contestant for all of you. But that concludes our show tonight. Don't forget to vote for the winner and wild card. *Hermione and Jaina run after Crabbe's fine looking dancers as Harry prods an unconscious Ron*