Almost Harry Potter and Draco (the Amazing Bouncing Ferret)

Almost Harry Potter and Draco (the Amazing Bouncing Ferret)

Tracy Elisabeth Lewis walked long the corridor with her long chain of friends following behind her. She was a Metamorphmagus, and therefore she was very popular with everyone. All the boys, especially Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret) thought that she was very attractive, and Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret)'s best friend Ron Weasley, a secret Death Eater, also thought so. Hermione, a Gryffindor, couldn't believe her intelligence.

Everyone knew that Hermione was going out with Professor Remus Lupin, however much they tried to hide it. Even Professor Lupin couldn't hide how much he fancied Tracy, however, and Hermione was very jealous.

Then, one day, Tracy, Lupin, Hermione and Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret) suddenly were whisked back in time to the Marauder era. There they met Moony Jr, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, and started singing S Club 7. Tracy had brought the CD along with her. This ended up killing Wormtail, and so the lives of Lily and James were saved.

They came forward again in time, just to see Tom Riddle blowing up the school.

THIS FANFIC HAS BEEN APPROVED BY THE MINISTRY OF SILLY WALKS

Luna, Harry, Hermione and Neville saved the day, by shooting Tom Riddle repeatedly with machine guns. Then they were all killed by Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret) and Ron. Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret), just to round things off, married Tracy and had lots of evil little Malfoylets.

However, before all this happened, Tracy started her first year at the same time as Harry, Hermione, Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret) and Ron. She was the secret daughter of Sirius Black, the mass murderer, and had lived in America for all her life. She was sorted, of course, into Gryffindor. She blew up the offices of the loony newspaper, and everyone read the Daily Prophet instead.

The Slytherin Quidditch team won the cup every year, due to the absence of Gryffindor house making one. Tracy therefore transferred to Slytherin, where she was just as popular. Her housemates often bribed her mother's owl into dropping things into Gryffindor drinks before flying home again.

In her sixth year, everyone was forced to wear proper school uniform, even when asleep. It was a good idea, as when you showered you could wash your clothes as well. Also, many pets were confiscated from students due to being against the rules. Professor Lupin was almost removed from the school, before admitting that he was not Hermione's pet but a teacher. The most popular animal to leave was a Vogon, the most evil creature on earth. Due to his nature, Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret) managed to keep his. Ron, who had transferred to Slytherin, got a nundu, one of the few creatures still allowed. Eagles became a popular pet.

One day, Tracy was walking along the corridor carrying her pink sparkly mod-stick when it was snatched out of her hand by Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore. His friend Eduardo Julianus Ricardo Ollivander replaced it with a purple one. This was also a rule change. Ron, who used to have a very nice braided hat, was forced to remove it by a very personalized Educational Decree.

One day, in potions, Neville made a mess of his cauldron.

THIS FANFIC HAS BEEN CLEARED BY THE AURORS' OFFICE

Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret) was covered in the stuff, as was his friend Ron (minus the braided hat) and Tracy. This was three days before the school exploded. They went to the hospital wing, where Madam Pomfrey quickly healed them.

Unfortunately, the day before the school got blown up, Draco (the amazing bouncing ferret) and Tracy were caught snogging and were given detention - separately. Then at midnight they went to the Marauder-era. Tracy was quickly covered in her CDs, magically transferred into records suitable for the era.

After the school got repaired again, Tracy went back to Hogwarts to teach her Malfoylets. One of them, Sam Malfoy, became a prefect. He never broke the rules, and always remembered to lock the door behind him in the prefect bathroom. Bob Potter never remembered, and always went in too early when the girls were bathing. He got lots and lots of detentions, but never as much as the Marauders.

Bob Potter became the latest Marauder, along with the sons of Fred and George Weasley. They were also getting detentions for letting off fireworks in the corridors. This did not go down well with Tracy.

"Your uncle Ron was a good man, why can't you be more like him?" she said, while she poled them across the swamp. "And as for your father..." she added to Bob.

"My father was a hero!" exclaimed Bob.

"He was a liar!" replied Tracy, as Bob began to sing 'Weasley is our King'. Eventually, he puked up all over the corridor, and stopped. Tracy made him clean it up.

"That should teach you!"

After that, everything continued as the FA rulers had said it should, and the weird and wonderful ways of the universe continued.