Lost and Found...Love

Chapter 9

Now I'm Beginning to Understand

"Ah, I wondered if you'd pick up on that. Very good, Harry. Ok, remember I said I thought that was when Severus decided to join Voldemort? Well, Professor Dumbledore suspected that might be the case, too, and he had a talk with Severus and told him that, no matter what happened; Severus could always come to him for help or shelter, at any time. That simple reassurance was always in the back of Severus' mind. Well hidden from Voldemort, obviously, but there, none the less.

"But he did become a Death Eater."

"Yes."

"I don't understand. Why didn't he kill you if he was a Death Eater? Old friend or not," Harry inquired, with a puzzled look on his face.

"Ah, well, it seems that just as he was leaving Voldemort, to come to your grandparent's house to call off the others, he overheard Voldemort boasting to one of the other Death Eaters. Something to the effect that he was getting pretty good at getting rid of parents who stood in the way of his plans: first his own father and grandparents, then the Snapes, and now the senior Potters. Whoever he was talking to asked what he meant and he explained the he had wanted Severus as a follower because of his abilities in potions. Severus' father had been an early supporter of Voldemort and had bragged to him about his son. But Severus' mother objected vehemently and as Voldemort became bolder and more ruthless; his father was having second thoughts, apparently. So, Voldemort had gone to their home, put an Imperius Curse on Severus' father and forced him to kill his wife. When Voldemort left and the curse wore off, his father did go insane, with the realization of what he had done. His father had a reputation as a violent, mean, abusive man anyway, so no one questioned that he had finally lost his mind and murdered his wife.

"But Snape showed up at my grandparent's house anyhow, obeying Voldemort orders."

"Yes, but he was in shock, on autopilot, so he did come to get the others, but when he arrived, what did he find but me, dueling Lucius and that was it; he'd had enough of the killing and hatred. He wanted nothing more to do with it. But he had to get me out of the middle of that mess, so he did the only thing that came to mind; he knocked me out and got me to a safe place; St Mungo's. That's also when he contacted Dumbledore and became a spy for the Order."

"So that's what changed his mind. Now I'm beginning to understand."

"Yes, he risked his life to go to Dumbledore. He immediately started passing information to the Order and through them to the Ministry. Unfortunately, Voldemort never revealed who his spies were, so Severus couldn't warn the Order about what Voldemort had planned. Or get a warning to James and Lily. He thought, like everyone, it had to have been Sirius that betrayed them. That is, until you helped Sirius unmask Peter, and later at the Tri-Wizard Tournament and what happened then. But it was too late; there was just too much left over animosity, on both Severus' and Sirius' part, to settle things, and, no time, as it turned out.

"Do you really think they could have become friends?" Harry asked in amazement

"Not friends, but I think if push came to shove, they'd have fought side by side with Dumbledore against Voldemort. But more 'maybe ifs' won't bring Sirius or your folks back. Hopefully, in our next life, we'll all be friends and live happily ever after."

"You believe that?"

"Oh, yes. But that's a whole different discussion. Where were we, oh, right, Severus not killing me. "

"But he could have come to you at St. Mungo's and told you why he'd just saved you life. Weren't you curious?"

"No. As I said, I was SO bloody mad; I wouldn't have listened if he had tried to tell me. I blamed him for keeping me from doing my job, helping my friends, just being there. Had I been thinking properly, I might have wondered why he didn't just kill me, as Lucius had ordered."

"That would have been my big question," Harry agreed.

"I've only just found out about all of this myself, Harry. Severus told me the details at the beginning of the term. That's when I finally understood the real reason he didn't kill me. I had always thought, maybe, because it was me, he just couldn't kill the only friend he'd ever had, but it went much deeper than that."

"Deeper? I don't get it."

"Harry, Severus loves me. Has since we were in school .. and I love him."

"WHAT? SNAPE!"

"Well, as long as I'm telling you everything, I may as well let you in on that secret...our secret. Besides, I've be dying to tell somebody!"

"But you hated him! Or at least didn't trust him much, even now."

"That's my, our, cover story."

"Since when?"

"First night."

"No!"

"Yes, and I didn't even know myself. He told me how he felt about me after all of you had left."

"You and Snape .. Bloody hell!" Harry put back his head and started to laugh.

"What, may I ask, is funny?" Anna crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Not funny, it's actually really cool, but, He! He! He! Draco would have a stroke!"

"Oh! Wouldn't he just?" Anna agreed and they both dissolved into a fit of the giggles.

After they calmed down, Anna reached for her wand. "Well, I'd better finalize that memory charm, before I forget! Seriously, it's too dangerous for you to know all about us and the last bit I told you about Severus. So, it's for your safety as much as ours."

"Oh, sure, I understand."

Anna pointed her wand at Harry, who closed his eyes and winced.

"This won't hurt, Harry, so just relax. 'Obliviate Arcanum' ."

She watched Harry's face go slack and then his eyelids started to flutter. She smiled, a little sadly and cleared her throat.

Harry looked up, perplexed. "So that's what a memory charm feels like. Will you ever tell me the whole story I just lost?"

"Yes, someday soon, I hope." Anna smiled at him.

"Ok, I can live with the fact that I know, but don't remember. So, you were saying?" He smiled at her.

"Let's see .. humm. Oh, yes, survivors: you and me .. and Voldemort. But there is a big difference. Voldemort fears death, Harry. He craves immortality. He doesn't understand it is a hope, a promise that love gives us, that there is more after death. He doesn't know or understand love, so he has no hope; except not dying.

"Yeah." Harry hung his head.

Anna tilted her head and looked closely at him. He looked up at her and her eyes widened.

"Oh, Harry, does it have to come to that?"

"Can you do Legilimens?"

"Oh, yes, always have been able to, I'm a natural, as Severus is at Occlumency. We learned that the first time our eyes met. But, Harry! The Prophesy!"

"You know?"

"I do now .. sorry .. I didn't mean .."

"It's ok. Actually, it's a bit of a relief. Now I can talk about it. Only Professor Dumbledore knows."

"There's no way around it?"

"No."

"Well, if it has to happen, at least you're prepared. Or will be, if I have anything to say about it. I won't make any obvious extra efforts for you in front of the other students, but you'll know if I want you to pay special attention."

"How?" Harry was perplexed.

"Watch me." She got up and walked around the room. "'When I'm talking, if I look straight at you at any point," she said, turning and tilting her head, locking eyes with him, "you'll know I want you to pay special attention." But that part of the sentence, Harry heard inside his head. "Do you see what I mean?" Without Anna saying a word aloud, he had heard her.

"Wow. That was strange." Harry shook his head.

"Well, I don't use it, normally, unless I know the person and they are aware of my ability, or if it's a matter of life and death. Mad-Eye, Albus and Severus know, of course. It's not needed most of the time, but it's handy, on occasion." Anna sat down again.

"Once, a few years ago, I was wearing my Invisibility Cloak and was looking into someone's eyes. She was just sitting there, staring, thinking, so I talked to her. And she answered. She didn't even realize I was doing it. Now that was strange."

"Who would you want to talk to, wearing an Invisibility Cloak?"

"Alice Longbottom. That's when I realized there was hope for Frank and her. She couldn't, or wouldn't, talk with anyone who was right there in front of her. She would hardly even look at you, certainly not recognize you, just drifted around. But in here," Anna whispered, tapping her head, "I can talk with her. Work with her and Frank. It was Christopher's idea to try, after visiting them with me, soon after we were married. He said they resembled people with Autism. He thought it might work, so I tried it. But without getting Neville's Gran's permission, it's been a slow and, obviously, secret process. But there has been progress."

"That's great! Does Neville know?"

"Yes. He and Christopher and I talk about his parent's progress about once a month, after I get back from seeing them on my bi-weekly trips to St. Mungo's."

"So that's where you go. We'd wondered why you weren't here every weekend. So, it is working?"

"Definitely. It would be better if we - I - could work with them full time, instead of in secret, at odd intervals. That's a stop-start-stop-start frustration factor I'm getting tired of. When Neville comes of age next summer, he said the first thing he's going to do is give me permission to go at it full time. Then we'll see how quickly they come around. But, I'm very hopeful."

"That would be wonderful, for Neville and his family and for you. That weigh would be lifted, eh?"

"Indeed, Harry, it surely would." Anna smiled at him.

The sound of barking made them both look up.

"Dogs?" Harry asked. "Oh, yeah, Doctor Jones has those two retrievers, doesn't he?"

"Yes, come with me." Anna and Harry went to the door of her chambers and stepping out onto the landing, had an almost eye level view of the nearby painting. "There they are," Anna said, pointing to the landscape, where the two dogs were romping in the tall grass. That's Chester," Anna commented as she indicated the yellow lab on the left, "and Beau, the chocolate lab, is the other one's name. Christopher must have had them out for a romp."

Sure enough, he came striding out of the woods and, seeing Anna and Harry, waved.

"Hello, Doctor Jones." Harry waved back. "Good looking dogs you have there."

"Hello, Harry! Yes, these old boys are great company. Go on, you two. Go lay down."

The retrievers obediently trotted off into the painting of Christopher's study and flopped down on the hearth rug for a rest.

"Where have you been? Bit of a ramble?" Anna leaned on the railing, smiling at her late husband.

"Actually, I just took a little walk, but got lost again, so it fast turned into a ramble. I did find my way back, though. Some knight on the upper floors kept challenging me to combat! Odd little fellow."

"Sir Cardogan," Harry laughed. "Yes, he's a bit of a nutter, but he will show you the way, if you're hopelessly lost. Considers it a quest, you see."

"Well, that's good to know in case I encounter him in future." Christopher walked into his study and settled into his favorite chair. "So, what have you two been doing? Having that tea and chat you promised Harry your first night here?"

"Yes." Anna smiled.

"Exactly." Harry nodded.

"I tried to answer his questions, but I'm sure some more will pop into Harry's head. We'll get to them later."

"Speaking of getting to .. " Doctor Jones checked his watch. "Shouldn't you two be getting down to dinner?"

"Oh no, what time is it?" Anna looked down at the clock on her desk. "Harry, we'd better make a run for it!"

"Right .. race you!"

"You're on!"

X # X # X

The two of them went tearing down the short flight of steps from Anna's chambers and ran the length of the classroom, laughing, and through the door they flew, along the corridors, leaping over benches, skidding around corners and down the stairs, two at a time, to finally slide to a stop outside the Great Hall. They then proceeded through the doors, walking slowly and calmly, although with flushed faces.

"Don't look at me, Harry, or we're in deep trouble."

"Yes, I think that's best," gasped Harry, fighting valiantly to suppress a grin.

Strolling down the table, Harry stopped and took a seat with his friends as Professor Twigg-Jones continued to the staff table. As she sat down at her place, greeting Professor Flitwick and Professor Snape, she glanced down the Gryffindor table to Harry, who looked at her and smiled. She winked.

"What have you and Potter been up to this dreary afternoon?" Snape inquired softly, handing her a basket of rolls.

"Oh, just having tea." Anna answered, turning to Professor Flitwick. "Rolls, Filius?"

"Thank you, my dear."

"Tea?" Snape persisted, with eyebrow raised.

"Yes, tea." She looked at Harry and tilted her head slightly. "Nosy git, isn't he?" she commented. Harry spat out the pumpkin juice he was starting to drink and laughed. She dissolved into giggles, glancing at Severus. Seeing him frown and knit his brow, Anna laughed. "You had to be there, Severus."

"Indeed. Pity I can't get you alone for an afternoon," he growled.

"Well, the holidays are fast approaching; perhaps Father Christmas will bring you something extra special this year."

"Such as?"

"Me."

"Ah, well, in that case I must launch a search for an extra large stocking, straight away."

She buried her face in her napkin and dissolved into a severe case of giggles at the idea.

"Silly woman." Snape turned and devoted himself to his dinner.

"Yes, indeed," she gasped.

"Ditto," he hissed back.

Needed: One House Elf

"Well, class, I'm happy to report that all of you have passed your first term exams in Defense Against the Dark Arts, with sterling marks in the written exam and very, very good marks in the practical portion. Not one mark below an E. Keep this up and the N.E.W.T.S. exam will seem like a simple review, not a major hurdle that you have to dread. BRAVO!" Anna smiled and applauded them, which the class returned with grins and laughter.

"Now .. about your holiday homework assignment," she continued, as she walked around her desk.

"What!?!" "Homework .. over holiday?!?" "That's not fair!" "Do we have to?"

"Oh, stop whining, you lot!" Anna put her hands on her hips and looked around at their shocked faces. "I don't mean essays or anything of that sort. Don't you all know me well enough by now to realize I wouldn't do that to you? Ok, let me rephrase .. I'm going to explain about the new skill I want all of you to practice over holiday. Actually, I think you'll really like this, and I expect you to come back with fairly good targeting skills."

"What are you on about?" Seamus laughed.

"Come here, Seamus, and help me."

Anna was opening a large delivery box. Seamus walked around the desk and peered into the box and a grim spread over his face.

"Wicked!" Reaching in, he grabbed and pulled out a slingshot.

"What the..." Ron stood up and came forward, followed by the rest of the class. Seamus handed one to Ron and then passed out slingshots to all of the others.

"This is not a toy," Anna called over the babble of voices. "As you can see, it is a serious piece of weaponry. That's what I want all of you to do over the holiday; target practice. Find a nice secluded spot and use pebbles, pieces of brick, acorns, sea shells...whatever you can find that's about the size of a large marble. Once you get the feel for it, make your target progressively smaller until it's about the size of an apple or a fist."

Anna looked around at the class, who were trying out the stretch of the cords, with a few 'Ouches' being heard. She smiled and picked up one of the slingshots to show them an extra feature.

"Look, it also has a build in arm prop - see?" She demonstrated the flip-over u-shaped attachment. "This will keep the slingshot steady, which will help improve your aim. It also takes some pressure off of your wrist, so your hand and arm don't get too tired. AND, they are silent; no SPONG! when you let go a shot."

"What will we be using these for?" asked Justin.

"Ah .. that's the #1 reason to get back here to school at the end of holiday, isn't it; the answer to that question." Anna smiled sweetly, but she didn't fool any of them.

"Oh, Ha! Ha!" " Sneaky .. juvenile, but sneaky." "Very funny .. NOT!" "I just knew you'd say that."

"Yes, well, don't let anyone see these. Put them in your book bag or deep in your pocket. This is another class project we need to keep to ourselves, understood?"

"Yes." "Right" "Ok" "Gotcha"

The students nodded and grinned at Anna and one another.

"That's it, then. Class dismissed for the holidays. Have a very Happy Christmas and I'll see all of you next year!"

X # X # X

"Harry, a word please," Anna called, as he gathered his things, preparing to leave the classroom.

"Yes, Professor, what can I do for you?" asked Harry, as he approached her desk.

"Are you going to stay with the Dursleys for Christmas holiday?" She crossed her arms and waited for his answer.

"No, I've always spent the holiday here, except for last year. I only go to Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon's at the end of school in June. Have to; no place else to go. Why?"

"Well, it's a bit spur of the moment, actually, but I was wondering if you'd consider spending the holiday with me in London at my townhouse. I know Remus would enjoy seeing you and I'm sure Mad-Eye and Tonks would drop by," she added in a rush. "Of course, that would mean riding on my bike, but honestly. It's not too cold and..."

"Are you serious?" Harry interrupted. "Really? You mean it? Go to London for Christmas and all?" Harry was sure she was joking or maybe he was day-dreaming.

"Yes, I'm dead serious. I happen to know you're the only student who will be left here this year, and I wasn't about to let that happen."

"Then my answer is YES! When are we leaving?"

"Saturday morning after breakfast, at the same time as the Hogwarts Express leaves with the other students." Anna leaned over, checked left and right and then whispered, "Bet we beat them there, too!"

"Just how fast does Tut go?" Harry sounded slightly alarmed.

"Ever been on the Knight Bus?"

"Bloody Hell!"

"I'm kidding, Harry!" Anna laughed at the look on Harry's face. "Besides, I'm a much better driver than Ernie. Trust me." She came around the desk and put her hand on his shoulder. "I've got another reason for asking you to visit. After our talk I remembered that I have, in my attic, a treasure trove of old photos of Lily, James, Sirius and Remus, here at school and on holiday, too. We can go through them and you can have any of them you want. We'll make a big fat photo album as my Christmas present to you."

"I don't know what to say," Harry croaked, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Say you'll be ready to go this Saturday. Pack light - we'll go shopping - I LOVE to shop!"

"I'll be ready, alright. Thank you, Anna." Harry kissed her cheek and grabbing his things, ran out the door to find his friends and tell them the news.

X # X # X

"You lying wench! You need someone to help you decorate the house for the holidays and carry in that bloody big tree you always buy." Christopher put down the book he'd been reading and waggled his finger at her, disapprovingly, although he was smiling.

"That's what teenagers are for; cheap labor. Feed 'em and let 'em have a friend or two in and they'll re-arrange the whole house, if you smile and ask sweetly." She batted her eyelashes but dissolved into giggles at the look of disapproval on Christopher's face. "Seriously, dear, this is his first Christmas since Sirius died and I figured it would be too awful, sitting here, literally by himself. I want to get his mind off of that and get him into happier surroundings, with friends to visit and new things to do and see."

"Like you did last year," Christopher ventured a guess.

"Yes, like I did last year. I think it will be just the thing for Harry, as it was for me."

"Excellent idea, then."

"Thank you."

"Those pictures - he'll have a wonderful time going through them with you as his guide. But, don't go telling too many tall tales or you'll incriminate yourself," Christopher chuckled.

"Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat Sirius or James, if that's what you think. Harry knows they weren't angels, so I'll tell him some of the better stories of their adventures, warts and all!" Anna cupped her chin in her hand. "Speaking of helping...humm...I wonder if I could borrow Dobby for the holiday. I might, correction, I will need a bit of help if too many people descend on us, once they know Harry's with me. Think I'll pop down to the kitchens and check if he's available. See you in a bit."

"Right. See you later," Christopher replied, picking up his book and settling back in his chair.

X # X # X

Stopping in one of the lower hallways, Anna looked up at a painting of a bowl of fruit.

"I hope this still works."

Reaching out she tickled the pear, which giggled and turned into a doorknob. Anna grabbed it and pulled the door open. Walking into the vast kitchens of Hogwarts, she looked around at all of the smiling house elves, but didn't spot Dobby.

"Hello! I was looking for Dobby. Is he anywhere near?"

"Oh, yes, Miss. Dobby is in another room," the elf nearest her answered.

"Excellent! Could you tell him that Professor Twigg-Jones would like a word with him, please?"

"Yes, Miss. Right away, Miss." The elf turned and padded away down the room and turned left, disappearing though a door.

Anna took a deep breath. "My, something smells good. Are you making Christmas cookies?"

"Correct, Miss. You is wanting to taste some?"

"Oh, yes, please"

An entire serving platter, piled with cookies, appeared in front of her, held up by some of the house elves, eagerly awaiting her opinion.

"Oh, goody, snicker-doodles, one of my favorites." Picking up a plump, sugar coated sample from the pile, Anna took a bite. Chewing it slowly, she closed her eyes and hummed in ecstasy, "Ummmm! This is marvelous! You all have outdone yourselves!"

"Oh, thank you, Miss, thank you!"

"Professor Twigg-Jones is wanting to see Dobby?"

The house elves parted to let Dobby through.

"Ah, here you are! Yes, Dobby, I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to come with me to my townhouse in London over the Christmas holiday. I'm going to need a little extra help."

"Dobby would be honored, Miss, but if Dobby could be so bold, could Professor Twigg-Jones take Winky instead. She is most unhappy and needs something to cheer her up." Leaning toward Anna, he whispered, "Her old Master gives her clothes, Miss, and throws Winky out."

"What? How dreadful! Who was that, Dobby?"

"Mr. Crouch, Miss."

"Oh, dear, I remember now. Remus told me all about it. Of course, I'll take her, if you think she'll come with me, Dobby."

"We must ask her. Come with me, Miss."

They proceeded down the long kitchen and turned left into a side hallway. Stopping at a door on the right, Dobby pointed to Winky, who was sitting on a stool, listlessly stirring a bowl of cookie dough, looking a little dejected and forlorn.

"Winky, here is Professor Twigg-Jones I is telling you about. She needs your help."

Winky looked up and her eyes widened.

"Hello, Winky." Anna pulled up a stool and sat next to Winky. "I have a problem and I'm told by Dobby that you may be able to help me."

Winky shot Dobby a stern look, frowned, put down the spoon and turned to Anna.

"What is Professor Tig-johns .. Twig-joins ....."

"Just call me Miss Anna, Winky," Anna suggested, smiling at her.

"Yes, Miss. What is you needing Winky to do?"

"I'm looking for a house elf, to come with me to London, to my townhouse and take care of me and my guests over the Christmas holiday. If it works out satisfactorily, I might consider making the position permanent."

"Permanent, Miss? Is you saying I could be a proper house elf again? You would be my Mistress?"

"Yes, that's what I'm thinking about, but only if that would make you happy. You'd have to see if I'd be the kind of mistress you would want to work for. I mean, we'd have to try it first - over the holiday, and then decide. Would that suit you?"

"Oh, yes, Miss! Dobby! I is going to be a proper house elf again!" Jumping off her stool, Winky ran around the table to Dobby and hugged him.

"But, Winky. You is free - like Dobby."

"I is not liking being free, Dobby. I is wanting a proper home and a proper Mistress!" Turning to Anna, Winky exclaimed, "I is a good house elf, Missy Anna, you'll see! A proper house elf!"

"Excellent! It looks like we've solved two problems, then." Anna saw Dobby shaking his head slowly.

"Dobby, I don't think freedom suited Winky, as it obviously does you. But that's ok, I'll take good care of her, don't you worry about that.

"Yes, Miss."

"Winky," Anna said, turning to the beaming house elf, "we're leaving Saturday morning. We'll get you a beautiful pillowcase when we get to London. We'll pick it out together, what do you say?"

"Oh, Miss, you is treating Winky like a proper house elf, already. You is a good Mistress, you is."

"I'll try my best and I know you will, too. Come to my chambers right after breakfast on Saturday morning and we'll leave as soon as we pack."

"Yes, Miss. Oh, thank you Miss!"

"Don't thank me, Winky, thank Dobby. He recommended you for the job," Anna laughed.

Dobby blushed to the tips of his ears as Winky threw herself in his arms and burst into tears of joy.

Anna stood up to leave. "You've made both Winky and me very happy, Dobby. This means I'll have to send you an extra special Christmas present."

"Oh, thank you, Miss. You is too kind to Dobby," replied the house elf, beaming at her.

Anna waved goodbye and headed out the door. The other house elves were crammed in the hallway and they'd heard everything.

"Thank you, Miss. Winky has been ever so sad, for ever so long, Miss. Now she is happy again."

"So am I, my darlings, so am I." Snatching another cookie from the serving tray as she passed, Anna made her exit, waving back at the sea of smiling faces.