The Curse of the Bambino

Entry 2—In which the "agents" are engaged and the Red Sox pay up.

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24 October 2004

6 a.m.

MEMO TO: Carl, Front Office
FROM: Reg, CFO

Here's your goddamn money. Go hire those so-called investigators/curse-breakers/voodoo woolies and tell them to take care of the fucking curse. After the way the team played in Game 1, we're gonna need everything in the arsenal.

The key to my townhouse up in P-town is with the complex manager. I've emailed him to expect two guys to show up on Thursday morning. They can eat anything they find edible in the 'fridge. Actually, if they clean the thing out, I'll be terribly grateful. But if they touch one bottle in my wine collection I will fucking hunt them down and grind them up for fish bait.

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EXPRESS OWL
MEMO TO: Bill Weasley, Gringotts Wizarding Bank, London, UK
FROM: Carl Petrocelli, Boston Red Sox Baseball Club, Boston, MA USA

Dear Bill-

Enclosed you will find a draft from Saffady's Wizarding Financial Center, Boston, MA in the amount of 10,000 Galleons and vouchers for two first-class, round-trip plane tickets at the British Airways counter for the werewolf and the potions guys. I can meet them at Logan to take them to check into The Onyx for check-in.

Just for curiosity's sake, why didn't they want to portkey over? It would've taken much less time.

I have located the burial place of George Herman "Babe" Ruth. Knowing how anal particular some potions people are about their ingredients, I assume that your potions guy will want to collect the bits of the Babe necessary for the potion. We will, of course, pay all the necessary expenses to getting down to Westchester County, NY. I assume he can Apparate once he gets here? If not, we're going to be in one helluva time squeeze.

No doubt if you've read the morning wire you've seen that the guys almost blew Game 1. I must tell you that thought I saw the Ghost of the Babe floating over the park, laughing his bloated face off at us. For a second there, I thought I was really losing it. However, our money guy was similarly affected and he finally loosened up the purse strings to allow me to get your guys over here.

Just for my own information, will these guys need two rooms or just one at the Onyx? Not that I'm trying to cheap out here--no, NO. I'm willing to spend whatever it takes to keep these guys happy. I just would like to know since prices are really high because of the Series rooms may be hard to come by with all the visitors in town.

Thanks, Bill. I look forward to meeting you one day especially if we're able to pull the title out of this.

GO SOX!
Best,
Carl

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MEMO TO: Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
FROM: Agent X948

The arrangement has been made. We need for the dark one to be set free from his confines to do what he does best. I think that he may also appreciate some time away after that.

Send him along at the usual time and tell him to bring his toys.

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STEALTH OWL to Gringotts Wizarding Bank, Diagon Alley

Weasley—

Your attempt at subterfuge is utter nonsense. Anyone with half a brain would be able to decipher your note to Dumbledore. Even Longbottom could read that I am to be sent on a secret mission.

I would appreciate it in the future that you refrain from referring to my valuable equipment as "toys." You may be on the receiving end of the use of said toys at a future date for your cheek.

S.

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HOWLER to William Weasley, Gringotts Wizarding Bank, Diagon Alley

HOW DARE YOU SEND ME TO THE COLONIES WITH THAT. . .THAT WEREWOLF! OF ALL THE FUCKING NERVE! I AM NOT A GODDAMN FUND RAISER FOR HOGWARTS! I AM INSULTED THAT YOU DID NOT CONSULT ME BEFORE OFFERING MY SERVICES!! I WILL DO THIS BECAUSE DUMBLEDORE IS REQUIRING ME TO DO SO FOR THE "GOOD OF BRITISH-AMERICAN WIZARDING RELATIONS."

IF YOU EVER, EVER DO THIS AGAIN, SO HELP ME MORGANA I WILL HEX YOU SO FAR UP YOUR ARSE YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE SUN SHINE AGAIN.

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STEALTH OWL to Severus Snape, Hogwarts School, Scotland
FROM: Remus Lupin, Number 12, Grimmauld Place, London

Really, Severus, was a Howler necessary, especially in the middle of the bank? Bill had a terrible time getting the security Goblins to calm down; they nearly hexed all the customers and melted a cauldron full of knuts. Do you realize it caused a near riot right at the noon rush hour? I won't even take you to task for the possible breach of secrecy it nearly caused, what with all those wizards about to get quite an earful of your rather colorful language.

Be sure to pack warmly. I hear Provincetown evenings are quite chilly this time of year. And bring the Chateau Monteserat '89. It will go well with lobster.

Remus

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Next up: Entry 3 -- In which the Brits invade America and the Americans don't know what hit them.