The Curse of the Bambino

Entry 3

26 October 2004

EXPRESS OWL TO Bill Weasley, etc. etc.

FROM: Carl, Boston

Bill-

Just who the hell ARE these guys? The one called Severus nearly hexed me when I suggested that we take a taxi from the airport. Come on! They’re the ones who took a Muggle flight! I thought there might be something wrong with them since they didn’t use magical transport. I had to flag down a limousine service. It ended up costing me three times as much. Not that I’m complaining. Money is no object at this point. Whatever they want, they can have, as long as they take care of that damn curse.

And demanding! You forgot to tell me that this guy is a son of a bi--- is a perfectionist. I had to buy all new potions bases for him. I mean, okay, I didn’t do so hot in potions, but I wasn’t too bad. I know the difference between mineral water and spring water, but jesus, this guy insisted that it come from the source no less than 24 hours ago. Do you realize how difficult it is to get that kind of water so quickly around here? I had to Apparate 90 miles away to the caverns of Jessup in the mountains and fill the bottle myself!

Remus seems to be a very nice fellow, though he pants a lot. And he sometimes gets this really…bizarre look in his eyes from time to time. He stares at Severus. A lot. And pants. Of course, I’ve never actually seen a werewolf in real life. I’ve only ever read about them.

Just out of curiosity, are they… um…are they together, ifyouknowwhatImean? I mean, that’s fine. It’s great. I have no problems with that, but it’s just that the interaction between them seems to be really…strange. I have several gay friends, so I’m not weirded out uncomfortable with them, but they don’t act like any gay couple I know.

If you’ve read the papers, you’ll know that the Sox won Games 2 & 3 rather handily over the Cards. They were such an easy victories that our money guy almost reneged on the money. But I hastily explained to him that the contract had already been engaged and that a portion had been spent. He was none too pleased about the hotel bill (they got into the mini-bar!!) and the cost of disinterring the body of the Babe (What a nightmare the paper work was for that! I had to get the Governor to sign the order!)

Sorry….I’m just venting a little, y’know? Truly, I'm grateful they're here. Really. Everything is going to be fine.

Carl

*~*

EXPRESS OWL TO William Weasley, Gringotts Wizarding Bank, Diagon Alley, London UK
FROM: Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts School, Scotland

Currently in exile in the colony of Massachusetts

Weasley—

I loathe you.

Have I mentioned how much pleasure I am going garner by hexing you into the most remote and vile corner of universe once I return to England? You will suffer for the inconvenience and travesty your charitable compulsion has forced upon my person. I will make sure you are cursed into the fourth generation. I will see to it that you are cast into the lowest depths of Hades and forced to do hand labor for the rest of eternity. And I want you to know that I will be laughing at you the entire time.

This wizard who works for a Muggle sports team is an incompetent berk. He is annoying in the extreme. I am most disappointed in the laboratory facilities he has procured for this most difficult potions work. The Salem Witches’ Institute is in desperate need of a facilities upgrade. I find this situation intolerable, hence my desire to visit unspeakable pain and anguish upon your person.

To make matters more difficult, it seems there is a problem with the wolfsbane potion. It should not have been affected by the different balance of electrolytes in the water, but apparently it has as Lupin is experiencing some odd symptoms. Please send via express owl one litre of mineral water from the Pillar of Storgé. It is the usual base for the potion. I need to get a decent night’s sleep because he pants in my ear all night long and cannot for the panting in the next room that’s louder than even my strongest silencing charm.

That is all, Weasley. Do NOT fuck this up.

S.

*~*

EXPRESS OWL To London

Bill—

I AM SO GOING TO CURSE THE HELL OUT OF THAT POTIONS GUY!

Carl

*~*

EXPRESS OWL to The Onyx Hotel, Boston, MA USA
Remus Lupin, Room 489

Remus—

I understand you’re feeling rather wonky, but I’m sure Severus is doing all he can to help you. I trust the water arrived in one piece. Dumbledore insisted on sticking a portkey to the bottle, but I wasn’t certain where it would land. The "Lab" at the Institute was somewhat vague.

Speaking of Carl, is there any way you can run interference between Severus and him? I wouldn’t bring this up, knowing how out of sorts you get this close to the full moon, but could you please make sure Carl doesn’t curse Severus before the potion is finished? I would hate for us British wizards to get the reputation for not holding up our end of contracts.

Well, bash on. I trust all is well and that the accommodations are good. I hear the bisque at the Lobster Pot in Provincetown is excellent. Mum sends her best and wishes you well during the full moon.

Bill

*~*

27 October 2004

MEMO TO: Carl, Front Office

FROM: Reg, CFO

What with the 3-0 lead in the Series, I think it’s safe to assume the title is in the bag. I think we can put the lawyers onto breaking the contract with these whatsits you’ve hired to break the curse. Jesus, Carl, what were you thinking when you hired these guys? And why did you have to pay them so much? The Boss is really, really unhappy about the fifteen thou you promised them. And then there’s that hotel bill!! Christ on a cracker, couldn’t you have put them up at the Super 8 out on the highway?

And my townhouse? No way. We don’t need these guys. Send them packing.

*~*

MEMO TO: Reg

FROM: Carl

Reg,

I don’t think you want to fuck with these guys. They have powerful, uh, tools at their disposal. And the contract? Unbreakable. It has a "clause" in it that guarantees completion of the terms from both parties. If we try to break it, I don’t think you’ll like the consequences. The representative who negotiated on their side is remarkably powerful clever.

*~*

MEMO TO: Carl

FROM: Reg

Carl,

How long have you lived in Boston? We can call upon some fairly "powerful" and well-connected friends – if you catch my drift – should these pansy-ass Brits give us any trouble.

Show some backbone! And let me know when I need to contact the "family" for backup.

*~*

The Boston Globe

CFO of Sox Ill

by Ben Walker

Reginald McGready, chief financial officer of the Boston Red Sox, was rushed to University Hospital today with an undiagnosed illness.

Security in the Sox headquarters reported that a mysterious man appeared in Mr. McGready’s office early Wednesday morning, and the two exchanged words. Cameras in the outer office and hallways recorded a faint pinkish colored light emanating from McGready’s office. The lights then dimmed for a few seconds. Officers rushed to the scene once they realized an unauthorized individual has gained access to the offices near owner, John W. Henry. Because the team is in St. Louis playing the next three games of the World Series, security teams have been lightly scheduled this week.

Security Chief Willis Redfern stated, "We found Mr. McGready on the floor, unconscious, and immediately called 911. We didn’t touch him because, well, frankly, we didn’t know what to make of the things growing on his face."

Doctors in the University Hospital were still evaluating Mr. McGready’s condition at press time. A hospital spokesperson said that they were uncertain as to why the Sox accountant was bloating and suffering from unidentified appendages that seemed to be growing on his face. Unofficially, he said that McGready looked a bit like George Herman "The Babe" Ruth in his later years.

The unidentified man was described as being about six feet tall and thin. He has shoulder-length dark hair that had the distinct sheen of oil on it. He was wearing a dark pants, dark jacket, and some sort of a long overcoat, and may have been carrying a slender stick-like object in his right hand. Anyone seeing a man fitting this description is asked to contact Boston Police.

*~*

EXPRESS OWL

MEMO TO: Bill Weasley, Number 4, Kneazle Way, Diagon Alley, London UK
FROM: Remus Lupin, The Onyx, Boston, MA USA

Bill—

I’m terribly sorry, but I couldn’t get to Severus after Carl told us they were breaking the contract. Severus was rather tetchy today after a rather nasty encounter with a Muggle in the cemetery in Westchester County where he was retrieving samples from Babe Ruth’s remains. The Muggle tried to jump Severus as he was performing the revelato spell to open the casket to gather some of the remains. It wasn’t pretty, but I was able to shrink his tongue and warts, and oblivate his memory before sending the lad on his way.

Carl is beside himself at the moment. I had to do a calming charm on the poor chap. How much do you know about him? He’s not terribly confident about his magical ability. I suppose he doesn’t get much practice what with working amongst Muggles all the time. I shall have to speak with him about possibly trying to get on with the front office of one of the American Quidditch teams. Could you ask Ron or Harry what they know of Quidditch on this side of the pond?

He has, however, provided a safe spot for me to transform tomorrow night near the grave of Harry Frazee in Mount Auburn cemetery. The weather will be chilly, but at least no rain is forecast.

Don’t worry about us. I’ve sent Carl away until tomorrow night. Unfortunately, I’m not in the best frame of mind to figure out exactly which hex Severus used on this Reg fellow. I believe it was one of his more inventive combination hexes. Remember the one he cast on Ron last year at the Three Broomstick’s Yule party? It took Hermione and me three full days to get the balance of the counter charms just right. Say, has Ron's arse ever — oh, never mind.

Best,

Remus

*~*

MEMO TO: Carl, Boston, MA USA
FROM: Bill, London UK

Carl-

Have you considered what you're going to tell your boss if the Sox win the Series before the full moon? Because if I understand the meaning of the Babe's words, the curse will have effectively been broken if they win. Except for that hell freezing over part. But everyone says that, so it's not terribly meaningful. Hell's been frozen over for a couple of millenia.

Best,
Bill

*~*

Next up--the fourth, and final entry, in which a spell is performed, the Red Sox played like a team possessed, and all's well that ends well.