The Curse of the Bambino

MEMO TO: William Weasley, Curse Breaker, Gringotts Wizarding Bank, London UK
FROM: Carl Petrocelli, Boston Red Sox Baseball Club, Boston, MA USA

Dear Mr. Weasley--
It has come to our attention that you are first-class curse breaker for one of the finest wizarding institutions in Europe. I wish to engage your services in a rather timely manner.

I am an assistant manager in the adminstration of the Boston Red Sox baseball club, Boston, MA. This team has quite miraculously, and without the aid of magic I hasten to add, won the American League pennant and advanced to the World Series of Baseball. Our first game is slated for Saturday, October 23.

The ball club has not won a World Series title since 1918. It is a rather embarrassing predicament because while we have been in the Series--the last time being 1986, which I will not go into the convoluted reasons as to WHY it's taken us so damn long to make it to the series once again (can we say 'salary caps?!?')--we cannot seem to take the title.

If you will visit this website you will begin to understand "the curse of the Bambino." I must tell you, I don't really understand it being so young and all, but damn if those fucking Yankees haven't kicked our asses from here to the West coast consistently since that idiot Franzee sold the Babe to the Yanks.

I would like to engage your services to investigate this curse and somehow help this team overcome it. If we don't win this series, it's likely the city will be demoralized and become a seething cauldron of homicidal activity. They might actually burn Fenway Park down. And the taxpayers of our fair city aren't exactly in a generous mood these days.

I'm sick of hearing about this curse. If I read it in the paper or hear it coming out of the mouth out of some prognosticator on the damn wireless, I swear to Merlin I will hex the entire sports reporting network of Boston into oblivion. Obviously, I can't do that since it will give away my true identity as a wizard and may possibly land me in the American justice system, which if you haven't been reading the American press of late, would not treat one such as ourselves too kindly. People are quick to assume that wizards are evil and then there was all that bit with witch burnings back in the 1600s. You'd think people would get a clue that that had nothing to do with wizardry, but people in this country don't take the time to investigate the historical context of such events. They'd much rather execute first and ask questions later. I really don't want to end up in a bonfire on the final night of the series, or in a prison with a 6 foot cellmate with the name of Butch who would like to make 5' 7" me his bitch. I'd probably have to give up my wand.

Enclosed is a downpayment for your services. My contact within the curse breaking system here at Saffadys Wizarding Financial Center on Brookline Ave recommended this amount. Please let me know how much it would cost to continue your services.

Yours kindly,
Carl Petrocelli
Salem Witches' Institute '80
Boston Red Sox

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MEMO TO: Carl Petrocelli, Boston Red Sox Front Office
FROM: Bill Weasley, Gringotts Banking Services

Dear Carl--
Thank you for your kind note and for the information you provided about the Curse. The downpayment is more than adequate and has allowed me to do extensive research into the Curse which seems to have plagued your organisation for the past 86 years.

I don't pretend to understand the nuances of the game of baseball. I have read up on the rules of play of course. I have looked at the records of the major contenders for the titles and have read up on the remarkable biography of George Herman "The Babe" Ruth. Might I just interject that the owner of the team at that time was a tight-wad and should have never traded such a talented asset to a major rival over a measly $5000. But that's obviously water under the bridge.

Further research into the life of Mr. Ruth has revealed the fact that he was in fact a wizard. Oh yes, his pedigree, while not of the typical pureblood wizarding family, suggests that there were untrained wizards in his line. Mr. Ruth had manifestations of magical ability which seemed to most extremely come to the fore whilst he was engaged in the act of playing the game of baseball. His family never saw fit to encourage the other magical abilities (You Americans! You've got to get over this medieval belief that wizardry is somehow from the Devil. There is no such thing as the Devil. The magic emerges from biological initiatives with each human being. There are only bad wizards, such as Grindewald and Voldemort and that guy who invented the disco ball. Really, the American wizarding community would do well to conduct an aggressive media and educational campaign to rid your culture of such beliefs. I can put you in touch with a lovely Muggle media campaign director who works right in your fair city if you wish to pursue such an initiative.) But I digress. Mr. Ruth pursued his baseball career and his success, in my opinion, can be attributed to his magical abilities. No one that rotund could have succeeded otherwise.

As for the curse, if you had thought to check with the Curse Registry located in Whitesburg, Kentucky (which has a wonderful reference archivist by the name of Sherry) you would have located the source of the curse uttered by Mr. Ruth at the time of the trade. It is Registry Number A39867UZ and is actually quite a simple curse to break.

You must go to the grave of Harry Frazee at the full moon in the company of a full-blood werewolf (hopefully the wolfsbane potion is available to your native population of werewolves; if not, I have a friend here who would love to visit the states and would be most willing to assist you in this endeavor. He would require at first-class plane ticket and accommodations in Provincetown for a holiday, as well as a retainer fee of $5000 {just a suggestion}) At the zenith of the full moon, the werewolf must urinate on the grave of Mr. Frazee, and howl four times at the cardinal points of the compass. You then must pour around the grave a potion that contains some part of the body of Mr. Ruth--it won't take much-- dragon's blood for cleansing, Jobberknoll feathers for truth, and caterpillar spleen, and say the enclosed incantation that begs for the forgiveness of the foolish and miserly practices of Mr. Frazee for withholding the $5000 for the retention of Mr. Ruth's services to the Red Sox ball club. Then, you must take a baseball and toss it through the windshield of a Mercedes-Benz C-class (preferably a CL500 coupe) as a sign of the club's cleansing of its tightfisted history.

I don't know how your potions making skills are, but those caterpillar spleens are a bitch to work with. However, for an additional $5000 I can also send a crack potions mixer. I don't think it would take much to convince the werewolf and he to take holiday together in Provincetown. (They don't want to admit it, but I think they make an ace couple).

Enclosed is a bill for my completed services. My best wishes in your quest to break this curse. Of course, that designated hitter rule that the American League passed some 30 years ago smacks of dark and evil magic. You might want to take that up with the Commissioner of Baseball.

Best,
Bill Weasley

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MEMO TO: Chief Financial Officer, Boston Red Sox
FROM: Carl, Front Office

Reg,
I think I've found a solution to our problem to the "curse" that seems to exist on the team. There may, in fact, be some factual basis to this curse. It will cost the team in the neighborhood of $15000 and the use of your townhouse in Provincetown for a couple of weeks for a team of investigators to do the work for us.

Carl

MEMO TO: Carl
FROM: Reg

The hell?! I'll be damned if I turn over my townhouse to a couple of weirdos. And just who are these "investigators"? Been watching too many fantasy movies again? Why should we pay them $15000? Do you know what the Boss would say about this!? There are no such things as curses, you nit-wit.

The Sox are on their own.....