Severus Snape Unleashed!

Severus Snape: The Very Dark Yet Mostly Good, Scary Yet Sexy Potions Master Who Used to Be A Death Eater But Now Gets His Evil Thrills By Assigning Detention, Who Would Be Fully Good If Someone Just Gave Him A Hug, Gosh Darn It All.

     Severus Snape lay down upon his fluffy pink down comforter.. ‘If they could see me now, the dark and mysterious Professor Snape, curled into the fetal position and sucking my thumb. I’d have to Avada Kedavra them all.’ That thought perked Snape up a bit. The mental image of Hermione Granger twitching beneath his Crucio curse was usually terribly delightful, but for some reason Snape couldn’t get into the fantasy today. He pulled himself into a sitting position, rearranging his stuffed animals at the foot of his bed. He pulled Mr. Snufflytons, his teddy bear, close to his chest and began to sing to it.

     ‘Am I actually seeing this?’ Hermione Granger thought, biting the inside of her cheek so hard, she drew blood. Hiding inside Snape’s closet started out as a way to steal some important potion ingredients. It had become Severus Snape: What You Thought (and hoped) You’d Never See. Snape unleashed! Hermione barely suppressed a giggle, a half snort escaping her. She clamped her hand over her nose and mouth, but not before Snape had heard it. He relinquished his grip on the teddy bear and stood from his bed, his cloak settling around him like a dark misty dress.

     “If there’s anybody in here, just look out!” Snape said, drawing his wand. No teacher at Hogwarts was quicker on their wand than Snape. He allowed himself a moment of brood-posing before he walked towards his closet. He had heard a snort, he just knew it. It was probably Malfoy. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d been hanging out in Snape’s closet, sniffing his robes and trying to absorb some of his broody sexiness. Snape allowed himself a moment of amusement when he recalled Malfoy’s pathetic excuse - “I just want to find some way to be smarter! Then Hermione Granger will want me, not Weasley!” Snape had been amused briefly, then released Draco with a promise that he wouldn’t tell Draco’s secrets, if Draco didn’t tell Snape’s.

     Snape placed his hand upon the doorknob to the closet. Inside, Hermione was cursing her rule-abiding self. ‘Why didn’t I just learn to Apparate? Why? Because I had to follow the rules, that’s why! Damn myself!’ Snape pulled open the door and found himself staring down upon his favorite student, though he’d never admit it. First of all, she wasn’t a Slytherin. Second of all - okay, there was only one reason.

     “Miss Granger,” Snape said, his voice low and cold as always.

     “Professor Snape,” she countered, her voice cool but amused. He reached out and grabbed the collar of her robes and drew her towards him.

     “You saw nothing!” he whispered. She raised a hand and wiped her face.

     “Gross, Professor. Say it don’t spray it,” she said, before dissolving into a fit of giggles.

     “Shut up, you foolish girl!” Snape said, but for some reason he was on the verge of giggles himself. ‘Don’t be ridiculous Severus, you do not giggle.’ he thought. Even as he thought it, a guffaw threatened to break loose from his throat and shower Miss Granger. An event which must never take place, he decided. You must maintain your reputation. Hermione worked herself out of Snape’s grasp and exited the closet. She wandered to the bed and picked up Mr. Snufflytons.

     “Want to introduce me to your friend, Professor?” Snape darted across the room and grabbed the bear from her hands.

     “This is - a friend’s,” Snape finished lamely. Hermione raised an eyebrow but said nothing. She ran her hand over the fluffy pink comforter, a smile playing on her lips.

     “You have a really nice bed, Professor,” she said coyly. Snape looked at her in disgust.

     “If you are implying what I think, Miss Granger, you are even more disgusting than Draco says he thinks you are.”

     “Why do you say that?”

     “Who’d want to have sex with me?” Snape blurted, cursing himself for having revealed so much about his insecurity. A look of realization came upon Hermione’s face. She settled herself down on Snape’s bed.

     “So... I think I’m beginning to understand all the bitterness and grease,” Hermione began. She paused. “Well, the bitterness at least.”

     “Whatever your know-it-all opinion is, Granger, keep it to yourself,” Snape spat angrily, turning away from her.

     “Aw, come on Snapey-poo...”

     “Snapey-poo? Miss Granger, hold your tongue!” He whirled around to find Hermione with an irresistible smile on her face. Snape felt an odd tugging at the corners of his mouth. “What’s happening to my mouth? Granger, help!” He exclaimed, grabbing at his cheeks. Hermione jumped up from the bed and laid her hand on his shoulder.

     “Professor, you’re smiling,” she explained.

     “How idiotic! There’s no excuse for such behavior! Ten points from Gryffindor!”

     ‘He’s completely lost it,’ Hermione thought as she watched Snape slapping himself in the face.

     “This is all Potter’s fault! This has something to do with Potter! Don’t look at me that way, Headmaster! POTTER!” Snape was screaming and clawing at his face, ranting like a madman. Hermione looked on in amusement, wishing she had a Muggle video camcorder. Severus Snape: The Mental Breakdown of an Already Unstable Man.

     “Professor, professor, please calm down,” Hermione finally said, disappointing though it was to interrupt his rant. He kept his hands on his cheeks but stopped screaming Potter! “Now, listen to me, Snape. Harry isn’t even here. All that’s happening is a smile, it’s perfectly normal.”

     “It isn’t just the smile, Hermione... it’s everything! I... I actually... LIKE that Potter boy! Weasley, too! Merlin help me, I can’t even find a cruel feeling for Longbottom!”

     “What about... me, Professor?” Hermione asked timidly, plucking at her robes and looking at her feet.

     “That’s the worst of it all! You, Miss Granger, are my favorite student!”

     This last admission rendered Hermione speechless. She stared at the black-glad, sallow, greasy figure before her and felt an emotion she’d never felt for him - sympathy. She settled back down onto the bed, pulling Snape down alongside her. They lay together for a moment, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.

     “Why don’t you tell me about your childhood?” Hermione asked.