Dates, Pranks and Marauders

Chapter XI- The Grande Finale Part 2

When Transfiguration had ended, Lily and Peter helped a dazed and exhausted Remus to the dormitory. Lily had taken extra notes and was planning to use a copying charm later so that the sleep-deprived marauders wouldn't fail.

'It's quite alright, Remus. I don't think McGonagall noticed you were asleep at all.' Peter assured Remus. Remus made an indistinct noise in his throat and allowed more of his weight to be supported by Peter.

'Yes Remus, it's fine. I'll bring up lunch for you and James and Sirius; you all can sleep until dinner, and I'll tell Binns you're indisposed. I'm sure McGonagall will back me up.' Lily said, kindly patting Remus on the arm; he made another indistinct noise. 'I still can't believe that you've only gotten three hours of sleep in three days, Remus, you need to take better care of your- oh, dear.'

'Who is that?' Peter asked, as both he and Lily noticed the two bodies lying at the bottom of the stairs, one of them making a sound like a bear with a lung disease.

'I'd know that snore anywhere...' Remus groaned without looking up.

'What should we do?' Lily asked walking cautiously over to Sirius and her boyfriend.

'I guess we should wake them up,' Peter said, bending down and shaking Sirius. Sirius snorted and a few cupcake sprinkles flew from his nose.

'Eww.' Lily stepped a few feet back as the sprinkles rolled across the floor. Peter now tried to wake James, but it seemed that he had passed out. Remus slumped to the floor and started to close his eyes as well.

'Remus, don't go to sleep yet!' Peter picked him back up under his arms and leaned him against the wall.

'I don't think we're going to be able to wake them up. Should we perhaps carry them?' Lily looked doubtfully down at the more than three-hundred pounds of dead weight.

'No, leave them,' Remus said blearily.

'Why? Remus if we leave them on the stairs they're likely to be trampled,' Peter stated.

'I don't care what you do with James, but Sirius is not going to sleep in the same room as me. Not with all the various food garnishments that are stuck up his nose. Just leave him, he deserves whatever happens,' Remus said, staying semi-awake.

'OK, but how are we going to get James up the stairs?' Peter asked.

'Mobilicorpus,' Remus said simply, flicking his wand carelessly at James and walking up the stairs. Lily and Peter shrugged their shoulders at Sirius and followed.

****

'I'm finally going home to my own bed,' Remus said ecstatically. 'No dorm mates, no classes, and no snoring.' Remus looked pointedly at Sirius, who was pointedly ignoring him, as they got onto the train on that Friday night.

'I don't have to stay home alone this Christmas, and I don't have to see my parents at all!' James said happily, looking at Sirius.

'What? Don't you like seeing your parents, James?' Lily asked incredulously.

'I'll explain it to you later, Lily,' James muttered in reply.

'I get to see Petunia, the most annoying sister to walk the planet,' Lily said, trying not to think of all the grief Petunia caused her every time she came back from school.

'Oh, yeah? You have no idea, Lily. I have four sisters, count them, four. And all of them are going to be at my house for Christmas.'

'I'm an only child, I don't have any sisters. I get to spend Christmas with my mother and grandmother,' Peter stated as he unwrapped a chocolate frog to eat. Lily and Sirius stared at him in contempt, then rolled their eyes in unison.

'So, anyway, Lily, what do you want for Christmas?' James said quickly changing the subject.

'Oh, I'll like anything you get for me,' Lily said, affectionately putting her arms around his neck.

'See, I told you,' Sirius hissed at James with his best 'told-you-so' face.

'You're wrong, Sirius, she doesn't really mean that at all. She just says that, and then expects me to get her what she really wants, and she won't tell me what it is that she wants. Then later, I'll get in trouble for not getting her what she wants. I've seen this happen to my dad many times, and I don't even see him that much,' James whispered back, still holding Lily.

'I am still here, you know,' Lily said, angrily drawing away and putting her hands on her hips. 'I can hear what you're saying.'

'I'm sorry, my little strawberry muffin. It won't happen again.'

'Aw, I just can't stay mad at you,' Lily said, kissing him on the nose and putting her arms around his neck again.

'Bleurgh,' Peter said in disgust.

'Strawberry muffin?' When did that start?' Remus said, his nose wrinkling up.

Lily and James were still entirely absorbed in each other, and were completely oblivious to their surroundings.

'I don't know, but I don't like it,' Sirius scowled, watching as James took Lily's face in his hands and kissed her gently. 'Oh, get a room.'

Lily and James looked up at Sirius and stepped apart in embarrassment.

'I don't know if you realise this, but we're all here while you're doing that,' Sirius began ranting. 'Really, every time you start we're around, I realise that you're off in your own little 'couple world' but could you please find someplace else to do that?'

'Oh, er-' James began, but was cut short by Lily kissing him fully in the mouth, looking defiantly at Sirius; Remus started laughing at Sirius' grimace.

'That's it, I'm not going to be replaced by you. I'm the best friend. I'm going to go somewhere else and find food,' Sirius said, getting out of the compartment and stalking off down the corridor to nowhere in particular.

'D'you think he realises that the lady with the cart doesn't come on the train at Christmas?' Remus asked into the silence that had filled Sirius' void. They all pondered this for a moment, before breaking into gales of laughter.

'I'd better go and check on him, I feel bad, I was mean to him,' Lily said, getting up to leave.

'No, Lily! Don't! Stay with me, you don't need to go after him,' James grabbed her arm and tried to prevent her from going.

'James, I feel terrible, I was just being vengeful, I need to apologise,' Lily said, twisting out of his grasp and leaving the car they had all piled into.

'Why?' James asked Peter and Remus. 'Why is it that every single time Lily starts getting like that one of you has to go and ruin it, eh?'

'It's not us, it's her,' Remus said, resettling himself as the train began its journey.

'What do you mean, it's her. Are you insulting Lily?' James began to get angry, and didn't pause for a response. 'How dare you say that about my girlfriend! I-'

'James, will you be quiet for half a moment? No one is insulting her. We were just commenting on how compassionate and caring she is,' Remus calmly explained, pushing James back down into his seat.

'Oh, well that's fine then,' James said, but that conversation ended as Sirius walked in with his arm around Lily, tightly pinning her to his side.

'Well, Sirius and I have made up,' Lily told everyone.

'Yes, and we made out!' Sirius said, looking pointedly at James. Lily slapped him playfully on the chest. James started mouthing angrily in disgust, and then sat back in his chair, deciding not to comment. Sirius sat down on one side of James and Lily took the other.

'Yes, Potter, I can see why you're dating Lily,' Sirius continued, making an inappropriate gesture.

'Padfoot, you are a terrible, terrible person,' James commented dryly.

'Yes, I suppose that's true, but if I'm so terrible then why did I invite Lily to stay at my house after Christmas? Hey, I know why! So we can make out there too, right under your nose.' Sirius wrinkled James' nose with his index finger.

'Alright, Sirius, that's enough, it's not funny any more. Actually, it was never funny,' James said, putting his arm protectively around Lily.

'Aw, come on James, lighten up. I thought it was funny,' Lily chided. 'But I really am coming over on Christmas Day, after I celebrate it with my parents.'

'Really!? Is that true Sirius?' James exclaimed excitedly.

'No, we've both been lying this entire time,' Sirius said completely without emotion, rolling his eyes. 'We spent all of our make-out time coming up with a clever plan to pull at your heartstrings. We get a sick pleasure out of it. Like to see ya' squirm.'

There was really nothing that James could say to this, now was there?

'I like to see you squirm, James,' Remus said quietly with a strange smile on his face.

'What?!' Lily, James, Sirius and Peter exclaimed, backing away from Remus and staring at him with wide eyes. Sometimes they feared his predatory wolf side was a little too prevalent.

'Guys, I was just kidding!' Remus said, looking at their startled faces. 'Well, maybe I do find some humour when James gets all spastic.'

'Spastic? I do not get spastic! Where did you get an idea like that?' James pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

'Yeah, James, you are a little spastic.'

'Sorry, honey, but you are spastic sometimes.'

'You're a regular spaz Jamsie boy.'

'See, I told you, everyone agrees with me.'

'I can't believe you guys are saying this! I'm the captain of the bloody quidditch team! I'm poised, and balanced, and collected, and- and well, completely unspastic! Give me one example of me being spastic,' James ranted indignantly.

'Do you want the short list or the long?' Remus asked quirking an eyebrow.

'Well, there was the time that you ran into that pole.'

'And the time when you spat pumpkin juice all over everyone because you thought you'd missed a Quidditch game,'

'And the time when we tricked you into thinking you'd slept through class, even though it was a Saturday...poor Peter, I think you really scared him that time,'

'Hey I wasn't scared! That reminds me of the time when you thought that Padfoot was a Grim and refused to go to practice, mumbling about death by broomstick.'

'What about the time when I wore that pink ribbon round my neck while I was Padfoot?'

'What about it, I don't think that's an example of James being spastic.'

'And there was that time you ran into a tree!'

'No, Sirius, that was you.'

'Oh, so it was, well there was that time when you thought you'd lost your potions assignment, and you blew up Snape's rucksack, thinking he'd stolen it, when really you'd had it in your hand the entire time.'

'Your rant just moments ago would be a good example.'

'And then there was the way you were acting on our first date.'

'Oh, you should have seen him before the date, you wouldn't believe what he did, he-'

'OK, OK, enough already, I get the point,' James pouted.

'Oh, but muffin, you're so cute when you're spastic,' Lily cooed, kissing James on the ear.

'Ooooh muffin! Jamsie wamsie you're so cute!'

'Sugar lump, you're so adorable, I could just kiss your little ear.'

'Cupcake, your spasiness is so attractive to me, with the result that I wish to publicly display my emotions to you repeatedly.'

James and Lily chose to ignore these comments, kissy-faces, and rude sounds to go back off into their own happy little world.

****

As the Hogwarts Express pulled into platform nine and three-quarters, Sirius pressed his nose to the glass, eagerly looking for his family. They were not hard to spot. His three sisters that weren't at Hogwarts, brother-in-law, niece, nephew, mum and dad stood waving merrily (some more merrily than others) from the platform, ready for Christmas in their Yule Tide jumpers. Peter's mother stood near the Blacks with his grandmother, already holding a tray of freshly baked biscuits for him.

When the train had stopped, as Lily, James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter had collected their things and got off, a line of families waited near the iron-wrought gate to welcome them back.

Peter ran up to his mother and helped himself to several biscuits off his mother's plate and shoved them into his mouth before grabbing each his mother and grandmother in a one armed hug.

The Lupins stood quietly, smiling as Remus approached them. Their small son waved at Remus enthusiastically with both arms but said nothing. Remus' brother grabbed on to him,

'I missed you, Remus,' he murmured into his older sibling's robes. Remus smoothed his brother's hair gently before hugging his mother and father and wishing them all happy Christmas.

James was not at all surprised that his mother and father weren't there. Lily and James seemed to be having a contest to see who would miss the other more, as they slowly walked hand in hand from the train. When Lily spied her parents she let go of James hand as if it had suddenly turned red hot and scooted about a foot away from him.

'Daddy! Hi! Mum, Dad, Happy Christmas!' she said, putting on a big grin.

'Happy Christmas pumpkin nose, have you had a good term?' Mr. Evans replied, eying James warily. James stood expectantly, waiting for Lily to introduce him. Lily noticed this, so told her mother and father,

'Oh, Mum, Dad, this is James Potter...' Lily began, trying to gauge how her parents would react, 'my, er, friend from school.'

'Well, as long as he isn't your boyfriend, that's fine. My little Tiger Lily is far too young to have a boyfriend.' Mr. Evans playfully punched Lily on the arm.

'Heh, heh, alright. I'll be along in just a moment. I'll meet you at the car after I say goodbye to my friends,' Lily said nervously, trying to get them as far away from James as possible.

'Ok, popkin,' Lily's mother answered, picking up some of Lily's things and kissing her on the cheek.

'We'll see you in a moment, then,' Lily's father warned, watching James intently as they walked off towards the Blacks.

'Why didn't you just tell them that I'm your boyfriend, Lily?' James hissed as soon as they were out of earshot.

'Did you see my father just now? Do you know what would happen to you if he found out? We can't tell them for a little while at least,' Lily whispered back, slipping her hand back into James' when she was sure that her parents had gone back through the barrier towards their car.

'Well, how long is a little while?' James asked earnestly.

'I'm not allowed to date until I'm eighteen, so...'

'Eighteen!? But that's two years from now! Does that mean that we can't-'

'Nonsense, James, it's less than a year and a half, don't exaggerate. Besides, we can still be together, even if my dad doesn't know about it.'

'Still, I feel a little awkward, Lily. It just doesn't feel like a very positive start, lying to your parents.' James turned towards her looking her right in the eye.

'I wasn't lying, James. I told them you were a friend from school, and you are, a very good friend,' she kissed him lightly on the nose. 'A very, very good friend.'

'Aw, look, two love birds pecking at each other,' Sirius said, joining them. 'I hate to break you two up, but we have to go now James.'

'Just one more minute, Sirius,' James replied, still looking longingly into Lily's eyes.

'You don't understand, James, my family is getting restless. Do you realise just how dangerous that could be in such a small area?' Sirius said, not at all joking.

James chose not to respond, and instead just held Lily close to him.

'For the love of all that is good in the world, James, come on! She's going to come to my house in under a week, let's go.' Sirius now grabbed James by the back of the robes and started hauling him off.

'Half a moment, Sirius! Lily, can you really come? After seeing your parents...'

'Oh, yes, it's fine. I'll just tell them that I'm going over to my good friend Brianna's house, I simply forgot to mention that James would be there or that Brianna has an older brother who is also my good friend,' Lily winked. Brianna was Sirius' younger sister, who was a second year, often referred to simply as 'the Informant.'

'Good-bye,' James said miserably.

'Good-bye,' Lily echoed, their fingertips still touching.

'Good-bye.'

'Good-bye, I'll miss you.'

'I'll miss you.'

'I love you.'

'I love you as well.'

'I'll miss you.'

'Enough! I'm sure you'll both miss each other immeasurably in the week leading up to Christmas, but James has to leave now, unless he wants to spend his holiday in a train station.' Sirius threw an arm around James' waist and began to forcibly drag him towards the rest of the Blacks.

'Good-bye.'

'Good-bye.'

'Good-bye!' Sirius finished this conversation huffily. With one final tug, Sirius managed to wrench James away from Lily. Lily began to walk dejectedly towards her parents' car, looking back sadly every few seconds, as James allowed Sirius to lead him away, also looking back every few seconds.

'Aaaaaaaiiieeeeee!' squealed two, small, raven-haired children, who ran past James in a blur.

'What was that?' James asked Sirius as the pint-sized duo collided with an elderly wizard in a fedora, sending him sprawling across the floor.

'Louis and Lucy, Katherine's kids,' Sirius explained. Katherine was Sirius' eldest sister, who was married and had a pair of two-year-old twins. 'They're pretty evil, really. Mum says they're just like I was at their age. They annoy most people, but they like me, so I don't mind them...' he trailed off as Lucy and Louis began systematically seizing the man's possessions and playing a rowdy game of tug-of-war with them.

'Lucy! Louis! Stop that now!' Katherine protested feebly, chasing after her twin terrors. 'I am so sorry, sir, it won't happen again.' When the man's fedora had come off, so had his hair; Katherine tried in vain to set the man's toupee back on his head, but gave up when she noticed Lucy and Louis playing tag between the train cars.

'Children!' she screeched, now running towards the train. 'Get out of there before the train starts!'

'S'all right, Kate, I'll grab them,' Sirius said, kneeling down near the train tracks, 'Lucy, Louis, Uncle Sirius has a surprise for you!' The children immediately abandoned their game and leapt into Sirius arms.

'Uncle Sihwus! Uncle Sihwus!' Lucy shrieked, her pudgy arms flailing in pure glee.

'Suhpise! Suhpise! Uncle Sihwus!' Louis joined in.

'Yes, Uncle Sirius has a surprise for both of you,' Sirius told them, carrying them far away from the train, one of them under each of his arms.

'What's the surprise, Sirius?' Kate asked.

'I can't say it,' Sirius responded.

'Why? Wait, you're not going to give them...'

'Chocolate,' Sirius finished as he set the kids down and reached into his pockets. It was amazing what this simple word could do: Louis and Lucy went into another round of shrieking and now ran in circles until they collided. Unfortunately for the Blacks and James the kids were not even slightly fazed by this severe impact, and now attacked Sirius' pockets with such ferocity that he feared he might soon be arrested for public indecency. Sirius was smart enough to wrap this chocolate in many layers, so it took the terrible two much longer than usual to open it.

Katherine looked at Sirius sourly; she hated the fact that for once she was out of control of something, and Sirius could handle her kids better than she could.

'Are- are they staying at your house as well, Sirius?' James asked cautiously, lowering his voice so that Katherine couldn't hear.

'Oh, yes. They're my favourite members of the family, actually,' Sirius smiled as the pair managed to cover themselves with just as much chocolate as they consumed, then began to lick each other clean. 'I really understand them, you know? They know what life's all about.'

'And what might that be?' Melanie, Sirius' second-oldest, slightly bitter sister asked.

'Chocolate,' Sirius said happily, unwrapping a chocolate frog for himself as he did so.

'Sirius, dear, how I've missed you!' Sirius' mother cooed, grabbing him round the neck, having already smothered his younger sister, Brianna, with various expressions of endearment.

'Yes, Mum, I've missed you as well,' Sirius sighed, giving in to her. 'But not your cooking,' he added to James.

'And James! It's so nice to see you again! You haven't come round the house for ages.'

'Oh, speaking of that, Mum, James is going to spend Christmas with us.'

'You didn't ask already?' James hissed angrily. 'Mrs. Black, I'm so sorry, I thought that Sirius had checked with you first. I don't want to impose, I-'

'Don't be silly, dear. You're not imposing, we'd be happy to have you. By the way, I have some wonderful biscuits baking at home. Let's go, shall we?'

'Don't eat anything she gives you,' Sirius warned in a low voice. 'She's recently discovered this muggle thing called 'tofu,' and it's the worst, nastiest stuff that-'

'Nonsense, my little star,' his mum replied, pinching his cheek. Sirius hastily blushed and refused to make eye contact with James. 'The tofu is good for you. Isn't the tofu good for you, Ryan?' She asked of Sirius' father; Mr. Black's name was, in fact, Orion, but he thought it best to use a nickname for everyday, that, and Orion is just a rather odd sort of name.

'Yes, of course the tofu is good for us. I love to eat the tofu.' Mr. Black recited hastily. 'Hello, son,' he said, playfully ruffling his son's hair. 'And James, you're coming for Christmas? That's great. But really, don't eat the tofu. It's the nastiest stuff you've ever tasted- coming dear!'

As a family, the Blacks walked from the station towards the nearest fire place; James smiled in contentment. It looks as though I'm going to have a real Christmas at last, with a family- a real family. This is going to be the best Christmas ever. James watched as Lucy and Louis tackled Mr. Black shrieking something unintelligible with the word 'chocolate' in it. Then again, maybe not.

YOU'VE REACHED THE END OF DATES, PRANKS AND MARAUDERS

AN: When reading over the last line with the twins we discovered that instead of typing Lucy and Louis, we had in fact typed Lucy and Lucifer. When read out loud at 1:50 AM this can cause many minutes of pure glee.

Well...it's all over now! :*( But you know what, we have already written about eight chapters of it. Hurrah for sequels! Perhaps. That all depends on you. Do you want us to post the next fic?

If we get a lot of people saying things like 'Oh please post your sequel. We don't care if it's so noncanon that it resembles a seuel to the Brady bunch more than a Harry Potter fic. We love your writing and want you to continue,' then we will.

If you don't review and tell us we will assume that our non canon sequel is unwanted, and won't post it. Why take the trouble if you don't want us to, right? ;)

So! Review!!! Tell us if you want a sequel (even if it's very VERY AU)