A Godfather's Love (aka The Other Side of the Coin)

2 -- A Talk with Remus

It wasn't until some time after New Year's and Moony had returned to normal after his first transformation of 1999 that Sirius was able to bring himself to approach him. "Moony, I need to talk to you."

"So talk, mate. I'm listening," Remus returned, as the two sat down on the foot of the latter's bed. "By the way, how was your Christmas with Harry and the Weasleys?"

"Great. Up to a point, anyway." The tone of Sirius's voice told Remus that there was something his friend desperately needed to get off his chest, but he didn't know how to start. He wasn't sure how to encourage him to discuss it. Finally he simply smiled softly and squeezed his friend's arm.

"I shared a room with Harry. Did you know that he's fallen in love?"

"No! That's great. Who's the girl?"

"The Weasleys' daughter, Ginny," Sirius revealed. "I even caught them snogging once ... among other things--although they didn't see me. But he's afraid to ask her to be his girlfriend again." Sirius sighed wistfully. "They reminded me so much of Prongs and Lily that it was scary. All the same, I encouraged him not to be afraid to renew his relationship with her. But that's not the problem. The problem is ..." His voice trailed off.

"Yes?" Remus encouraged.

"Moony, I ... love Harry."

"I know that, mate. You're his godfather, after all; you're supposed to."

"Not like that," Sirius protested. "I'm ... in love with him."

There was an interval of stunned surprise on Remus's part before he managed to find his voice again. "When did you realise this?"

"Just recently, shortly after Christmas. He was unable to sleep after a passionate interlude with Ginny, and I had to ... help him relax."

"What did you do?" Remus asked, doing his best not to sound shocked or judgmental.

"What I did for Prongs lots of times, that's all," Sirius assured him. "But I found myself wanting to do a lot more. I wanted to kiss him, caress him, make love to him. Merlin, Moony, how sick can I be to feel such things? A godfather isn't supposed to want things like that! He's Prongs's son, Moony--my best friend's son! What would Lil and Prongs think of me if they knew? Most important, what would they say? What would they do? As far as that goes, what would Harry think of me if he knew? He'd probably want nothing further to do with me, and I couldn't blame him. And what about his friends? How would they feel, especially that Hermione girl? She's so damnably perceptive! Most of all, what if sweet, young Ginny, who loves him, figures it out--much less his best friend? Harry just wrote me, and he says that he's in love with Ginny.

"How can I possibly think of myself at a time like this? Harry's happiness should be my first priority; he's had so little in his life. I can't put such a burden on him; he's got too many already. It should be my job to see that he settles down with the right girl. I shouldn't be thinking of ways to seduce him or encouraging him to begin an all but incestuous relationship with me. I can't do that to him--no matter how much I may want to. All the same, he's such a handsome--no, beautiful--boy. His green eyes with thick dark lashes; his lips, his sweet smile ... that gorgeously messy hair ... but most of all, that slender, well-built body that I ache to touch and kiss so much that I can taste it."

Remus's heart went out to his friend, seeing how sincere, deep and true Padfoot's love for his teenaged godson was. But at the same time, his love was passionate and even carnal. It would devastate him if Harry learned of his godfather's ... unusual feelings for him and severed all ties because he could not accept them. At the same time, it had never been easy for Sirius to hide his feelings for long--especially feelings of love. They had to think of some way to tell him and all concerned how Sirius had come to feel that would preserve their closeness. It wouldn't be easy, but then nothing worthwhile ever was. Harry was the last link Sirius had with his closest friend, and he valued his godson's love and trust highly. He seemed intent on bending over backwards to see that he kept it, whatever the cost to himself.

"Dear God, Moony, what am I going to do? I don't want to lose Harry, but how can I possibly tell him, much less expect him to even consider me as a potential lover? I mean for him to eventually marry Ginny, but at the same time, it's going to be harder than hell to keep my hands off him and not want to snog him silly every time I'm near him."

"I think all we can do, at least for now, is take things one day at a time, Padfoot," Remus advised. "Just advise him as best you can regarding Ginny and continue in your present capacity for the time being. Hopefully some time down the road, we can sit him--or them--down and explain things regarding your ... feelings for him as best we can, and then we'll see what happens."

After that, the two men hugged fiercely for a time and then separated to go to their respective rooms. Remus fell asleep rather quickly. But in the time he remained awake--roughly an hour or so--he could hear Padfoot either pacing the floor of his room or tossing and turning, even softly moaning in the process. He certainly didn't envy him his dilemma. He was happy with Dora and their love and fully intended to propose to her at some point. For the moment, though, he had to try to think of a way to help his friend deal with his feelings for his godson and hide them, if necessary.