Five O'Clock Shadow

Five O' Clock Shadow

A.K.A., The Most Pointless Story at FictionAlley.com That You'll Ever Read

Chapter Two

In Which Harry Learns About the Dreaded Five O' Clock Shadow (Whatever the Bloody Hell That Is) and Cries a Lot--Hermione sees Ron's Bare Chest and Ron knocks out Dean! Eeee! All Before Breakfast! Very Interesting....This Is Probably The Most Pointless Chapter of the Story So Far, But Oh Well, Too Bad

And Harry and the Author (yours truly) Almost Start a Pointless Argument But Don't Actually Argue in the Story; Well, They Actually Do But Oh Well, Just a Tiny Bit, and Harry Gets Deleted Again But He Is Still in the Story Because Without Him, There Would Be No Point To This Already Pointless But Semi-Funny Story

Also....The Trio Goes to Hogsmeade and Ron Gets Drunk! Oops, Sorry, That's Next Chapter....

Hermione_Ginny: Whew, that was a long title. Longer than last chapter, I must admit. A lot longer.

Harry Potty: That's because you're a weirdo. And - WHAT???!!!???!?! My name is not Harry Potty!

H_G: *deletes him for the...what is it...third time?* It is now...or at least, it was...

Harry: *fumes and tries to talk but, as he is deleted, he can say nothing*

H_G: *grins evilly*

Harry: *says nothing, as he can say nothing*

H_G: Shall we get on with my pointless but semi-funny story?

Harry:...

H_G: Good. I shall take that as a yes. *begins to type furiously*

Around ten 'til five o' clock that next morning...

In Gryffindor Tower...

In a bed...

Harry: *whispers* Couldn't it be a warm and cozy bed?

H_G: Hmmm...maybe I should add some details...

Harry: *shakes head enthusiastically*

In a cold and hard bed...

Harry: *glares at H_G*

H_G: *strokes the Delete key lovingly*

Harry: *hides*

H_G: Now now, where were we...oh yeah...

Lay a boy named Harry Potter, who had been sleeping three minutes previously but woke up abruptly when a red-haired boy suddenly jumped on his bed.

Ron Weasley: Harry!

Harry: Holy heart attack, Ron, you nearly gave me a Snitch!

Ron: Wha...?

Harry: Oops...I mean, holy Snitch, Ron, you nearly gave me a hernia!

Ron: Heart attack.

Harry: Same difference.

Ron: *raises an eyebrow* Not really.

Harry: *stares at Ron's one raised eyebrow* Wow, that's cool!

Ron: What?

Harry: That's cool! What you can do with your one eyebrow!

Ron: Oh...thanks.

Harry: Can you teach me how to do that?

Ron: Uh...it's not really that hard. *arches eyebrow again*

Harry: *wets himself*

Ron: *scoffs* Good job, Harry, you are now eligible to join Bed-Wetters Anonymous.

Harry: Cool!

Ron: *slaps himself on the forehead*

Ten minutes later...

Ron: *checks his watch* It's five o' clock!

Harry: Wha...? *finishes his application to Bed-Wetters Anonymous*

Ron: It's five o' clock! It's time for the five o' clock shadow!

Harry: *looks up from writing the following:

Dear Bed-Wetters Anonymous,

My name is Harry James Potter. You may know me as the Boy-Who-Lived or the Chosen One or the King of Bed-Wetting. I would like to join Bed-Wetter Anonymous because I don't want people to know me by the King of Bed-Wetting. Except you guys. *a run-on, Harry - I mean fragment* So like uh...will you let me join? I'm assuming you guys aren't Muggles, because if you are I will find you and turn you into wizards, and I don't know if I can do that but I will anyway now what was I saying I forgot oh yeah I WANT TO JOIN BED-WETTERS ANONYMOUS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you.

Your friendly friend,

Harry James Potter, a.k.a., the Boy-Who-Lived a.k.a. the Chosen One a.k.a. the King of Bed-Wetting and Chocolate-Frog-Eating

P.S: Can you send me a PlayWizard Magazine? As soon as you can.* What's that, Ron? Can you teach me that too?

Ron: No, you stupid dunderheaded idiot.

Harry: Wee-oo wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! *cries*

Ron: Shut up Harry, you've got the five o' clock shadow!

Harry: *hiccups* Wha...?

Ron: You've--got--the--five--o'--clock--shadow!

Harry: What's that?

Hermione Granger: You need to shave! *walks over to Ron's bed and sits down; she is wearing short pajamas so that her legs show and a pink bathrobe*

Ron: *covers up his bare chest, then decides against it and lets his chest show*

Hermione: *blushes*

Harry: What are you doing in here at five in the morning, Herm?

Hermione: DON'T CALL ME HERM!!!!!!

Dean Thomas: *wakes up* What the hell?

Seamus Finnigan: I want some pickled apricots too...

Neville Longbottom: *taking no notice of the situation, snores*

Ron: Go back to sleep.

Dean: *goes back to sleep*

Hermione: *goes over and sits on Ron's bed*

Ron: *grins stupidly*

Harry: Hermione! Get out of here! I have the five o' clock shadow!

Hermione: What? *watches Ron's eyes wandering casually to her chest*

Harry: I have the five o' clock shadow! *points to his chin*

Hermione: *smacks Ron's hand away as he tries to touch her chest* It's not contagious, Harry.

Harry: THEN WHAT IS IT???????

Dean: *wakes up* Harry, stop flirting with Hermione. Did she and Ron sleep together again?

Hermione: *turns a delicate shade of pink*

Ron: *punches Dean*

Dean: *is knocked out*

Ron: Well, that was fun.

Hermione: Um...uh...I'd better go...it's Hogsmeade today, you guys, don't forget....*leaves*

Harry: Weeeeeeee-ooooooo!! *cries* She left!! What's the five o' clock shadow?

Ron: *yawns* Darn...hey Harry, guess what!!

Harry: *sniffles* What?

Ron: Hermione's arse looks like a pretty little butterfly.

Harry: Go to sleep, Ron.

Ron: 'K. 'Night, Harry.

Harry: Ron, it's five o' clock in the morning.

Ron: Right. Whatever. *turns over*

Harry: Whatever yourself!!

Ron: *closes his eyes*

Harry: *leans back onto his pillows* Ahh, this is nice and comfy....

Ron: *fakes a snore*

Harry: Faker! *turns over and closes his eyes*

Ron: Am not! I'm asleep!

Harry: If you were asleep, then you wouldn't be talking in delicately constructed sentences!

Ron: Oh...right....

Harry: Finally, some peace!

Ron: Peace!! *holds up his middle and pointer fingers*

Harry: Whatever.

.......

.......

Ron: Harry?

Harry: What?

Ron: Did you know that Hermione has a hot arse?

Harry: Go to sleep, Ron.