A Chance You Only Get Once

Chapter Nineteen
Can You Keep a Secret?

"No, that's the wrong wand movement there at the end," Lily said authoritively. All three of the boys looked at her in annoyance. "I spent hours perfecting it with Flitwick, I think I've earned the right to act knowledgeable about it," she said tartly, looking pointedly at James.

"Of course you have, darling," he said obediently, giving his wife a short kiss on the forehead. "Which begs the question why you don't just cast the Fidelius Charm. You're the one who understands it. And the best charmer here these days, with my attention elsewhere."

"Because it would be better if Sirius does it," Lily said, ignoring his comment. Then she smirked at her husband and, mostly to lighten the mood, added, "And you're still pretty charming when you set your mind to it, James."

"I thought the spell was more powerful if none of the participants was involved," Sirius said slowly. Both of the Potters turned slowly to face him, not saying anything. Sirius's face broke into a smile, "So I see that you're taking my advice?"

"Including not telling anyone about it until the moment of truth," James replied with a smile. "It is a brilliant plan, Padfoot. But it's asking two of our best friends to take on such danger on our behalf." At this point in the conversation, they all turned to face Peter who had been standing there before them, fearing that he understood what this conversation meant. They weren't going to use Sirius as the Secret-Keeper. There was only one other person here.

Peter had planted this plan in Sirius's mind himself. He had fostered it along the whole way without them noticing that he was convincing them step by step. Now, his success so near, even his honor protected as after the betrayal Sirius would be blamed because of the profound secrecy that Peter had been sure they felt the need for, Peter wished that he could back out. He wished that he had the spine to not go through with it. Then he recovered himself. He had gotten over these feelings years ago. He could never be forgiven by this side of the war for deeds already done. Why not make his place on the side that was going to win anyway?

He let them tell him. "Peter, we want you to be our Secret-Keeper," Lily told him calmly, looking at him in the eyes. "We want everyone to think that it's Sirius. If it leaks from the Order, it will be Sirius that everyone, even Dumbledore, thinks it is." She turned her eyes to Sirius again. "We're asking you both to risk so much..."

"We'd do anything for you and James," Peter said after a moment of calculated silence. Sirius smiled at him encouragingly. "Anything you asked of us." James put an arm around his wife who was holding the sleeping Harry in her arms protectively. They made a pretty picture standing there, leaning against each other. A loving family that would do anything for each other. That used to be what the Marauders had. Peter had spent years breaking that, little by little. It had shattered once without his help. He had had to break it again repeatedly until Remus was finally firmly on the outside. James had left too, his family was Lily and Harry now more than Sirius and Peter. Oh, Sirius would always be his brother and Peter his friend. But Lily and the baby were his first priority. The breaking of the Marauders might have occured even without Peter's help.

But Peter doubted it. Well, it had happened. Everything as he planned. Now the only thing that he had to do was find a way around all the protections that they were explaining that they already had in place, ready to be activated. Sirius put his hand on James's shoulder, gripping it tightly. "You'll be sure to tell me where this guy is before he goes crazy with tripping me up when I can't notice him?" Sirius asked Peter with a wink.

Peter looked at them. What a moment this must be for this group, especially James. His beautiful wife under his arm, his adorable son in her arms, his best friend standing by him. But then, Sirius was Lily's best friend now too. They were a strong, whole group, a family. Maybe Peter was wrong. Maybe Sirius was a Potter now too. At that moment, at least, it seemed so. Sirius had been the only one that they considered for Secret-Keeper before Peter's interference.

James and Lily kissed quickly then nodded to Sirius. Peter stepped over toward them. "So, Peter, can you keep a secret?" Lily quipped lightly with a laugh.

Peter wanted to laugh as well. I can keep a thousand secrets at once. I can keep them so well that not even the all-knowing Dumbledore suspects me. I'm the best keeper of secrets that you'll ever meet. I've been doing it for so long that I don't even notice it anymore. I've kept my secrets under the ever watchful eyes of Aurors; I've hidden them from the eternally suspicious Alastor Moody. I've kept secrets from you so well that you trust me above Remus, who would die to keep you from getting a hangnail.

I've kept secrets from everyone. Oh yes, Lily, I can keep a secret. I can keep a secret so well that you don't even realize that I'm doing it now. You've never guessed. It's never even so much as crossed your mind that I might be the one who's been betraying you. You think it's Remus, because he can keep a secret almost as well as I can.

"I can keep yours," Peter answered her. She smiled warmly at him, tears of gratitude in her eyes. Oh yes, Lily. I can keep secrets. I've kept them so well that your smile and your tears never even suspect that I might be the one who's tricked you all these years. I keep secrets better than anyone. Just look at how you trust me. I'm keeping one now. And you don't even suppose that I might have one.

"Fidelide Hermano," Sirius began to intone the words of the spell. Sparks began to fly out of his wand and circle the Potter family and Peter. "Il segreto il più profondo della mia anima che si fido di a lei quanto a nessuno altro."

But your secret, Lils? Peter thought as he looked at her in the light of the whirling sparks flying all around them. No, that's my biggest secret of all: that I'm the last person that you would ever want to trust with your secrets. Sirius continued the words of the spell, sealing the fate of five lives and placing a secret in the heart of a man who had long ago learned that real weakness was regretting what you intended to do all along. At least, that was what he told himself was the great secret.

The deepest secret of my soul I trust to you as to no other. Fidelide Hermano. My brother.

* * *

"Can you answer me one question, Riss?" Lily asked as she flipped her hair back at the breakfast table in the Great Hall. The boys were several places down from the two lionesses. "Since when do I like the Marauders better than you do?"

"If you'd rather sit with them, I'll understand," Marissa replied, looking up at her friend for the first time all morning. Her porridge couldn't have been that interesting considering she'd hardly taken five bites. It didn't take a genius to figure out that something was bothering her.

"Don't be stupid," Lily told her tartly. "In fact, why don't you stop being stupid and kiss and make up already? I'm tired of this silly feud."

"Interesting opinion for you to have," Marissa said pointedly. "You've had to put up with this fight for, what, a week? When I had to deal with your ridiculous little grudge for two years? Cry me a river, Lils."

"Well, aren't we in a mood today," Lily said, taking a bite of her own porridge. "But may I remind you that I am not the one that you are mad at? Or are you just mad at the world? Because I can tell you it's very uncharacteristic of you."

"How can anything I do be not like me?" Marissa asked in an annoyed voice. "It's just like a me you don't particularly like and prefer to overlook."

"You've never acted like this before, Marissa," Lily said, looking up at her friend. "And no, I don't like it."

"Well tough, deal with it, because this is one side of who I am," Marissa said in the same uncompromising tone that she had used all week. She had been so on edge for the past few days. She jumped at everything, she seemed to want to cry at the slightest provocation. She was angry at nothing all the time. Just about the only time that she really seemed at ease was when she was around Severus Snape. Maybe they were wrong to think that he would be so bad for her. Maybe he was, subtly, what she needed. Or maybe he was the cause of this new mood.

"Friendship means taking the good with the bad, Lils," Marissa continued.

"I am taking the bad with the good, Marissa, but do you have to keep testing my endurance?" she almost snapped at her. Then, almost as if to prove that she could be petulant and unreasonable too, Lily added, "And don't call me Lils when you're being like this." After that they ate in silence, both looking down at their plates as if they had never seen anything so interesting.

After a very long moment, Marissa spoke softly, still looking down at her untouched porridge, "I'm sorry, Lily. This is the worst time in the world to be fighting. I don't know what I'm doing. It's like lately I can't control my emotions. I'm so sorry that I've been lashing out at all of you."

Lily looked up at her and met the troubled, haunted eyes of her best friend, "That's Lils to you, pal."

Marissa mouthed, "Thank you." Then she bent back to her porridge. "I do miss them," she said quietly, casting a look at the Marauders who all had their heads together obviously plotting something. "They really do rule the school. They're hilarious too."

"Oh I know," Lily sighed. "And from the looks of things you could really use a good laugh. And honestly, I'm not sure that I'm equipped to handle the challenge." Marissa smiled at her slightly. "So, you know, you could just go over there and - "

"I could," Marissa said noncommitally, but from her voice the idea held a great deal of appeal. Lily said nothing, afraid that any false movement would make Marissa change her mind again. Marissa put her spoon down in her porridge and seemed about to rise, but then McGonagall startled them both by putting a hand on her shoulder to get her attention.

"Miss Fletcher, I need a word with you," she said softly. Marissa looked up at her. The hand was still on her shoulder almost as if to be supportive. Lily looked at McGonagall in some alarm. "Would you please come with me." That wasn't McGonagall's angry tone. This was something else entirely. There were only two reasons that a person would be summoned out of the Great Hall by McGonagall. If they were about to be yelled at or if they were about to receive some very bad news.

"Can I come, Professor?" Lily asked, casting a look at Marissa concernedly.

"I don't think that that would be best, Miss Evans," McGonagall said as Marissa rose to her feet. She stepped over the bench and then followed the grim Deputy Headmistress out of the hall. The Marauders turned to watch her walk out. Lily rose and went over to sit next to them.

"What was that?" Peter demanded instantly.

"McGonagall said she wanted to talk to her," Lily said worriedly, her eyes still following the solemn pair. "She didn't think that I should go along."

They all sat in reflective silence. "You don't think something could have happened to her dad or brother, do you?"

"She doesn't have any other family," Lily said. "Both her sets of grandparents died even before her mother. Her dad's parents when he was still little. Neither of her parents had any brothers or sisters."

"Merlin, I hope it's not Gus," Remus murmured.

"Or her father," Sirius added. "She'd go ballistic if they tried to send Gus to an orphanage or something."

"She might even try to quit school again," Peter sighed.

It was a true testament to the friends of Marissa Fletcher that even when she was being unreasonable and unfair and refusing to speak to them that that they cared so much about her. They would be there for her when she came out of McGonagall's office, they decided. However, McGonagall sent them off to class and told them not to come back. Marissa had already gone home.

* * *

Marissa was actually in the Hospital Wing being prepped for a large procedure that a St. Mungo's Healer was coming in to direct. She and McGonagall, though the Transfiguration professor was highly disapproving of the secrecy, had agreed on a cover story. Her father had had a mild heart attack. He'd be all right, but she wanted to be there to help take care of things for a few days to make sure and take care of Gus.

Jerome Fletcher looked as if he might have a real heart attack soon when he came to see her. He was nervous and fumbling and seemed to be just looking at her miserably with nothing else to do. He seemed desperate to find something to do with his hands. Marissa looked over at him, "It'll be okay. And this is the only one I'll ever have to have."

"It's dangerous?" he asked the Healer, reaching out and taking hold of her hand.

"Not particularly," he answered honestly though slightly distractedly. "Just a little involved. And she'll be in recovery for several days." Then he turned to her father, "You can stay and watch if you like."

Jerome Fletcher looked at his daughter for approval before answering. "I'd appreciate that, thank you."

"Deep breath now, Marissa," the Healer said in a calm voice. "And relax..." Not that it was hard despite her nerves, the potion that they had given her a few minutes ago was already beginning to kick in.

* * *

Lily was lonely without Marissa there. She'd been gone for a few days now, and she was beginning to wonder if the Marauders really liked her at all without Marissa around. James had been the nicest of them about it. Who would have guessed it? All right, anyone would have guessed it except for Lily. Perhaps one betrayal could be gotten over after two years, even so large a one. But not quite yet. James had been selfish and stupid all those years ago, and yes, he had been young, but he had still sacrificed her happiness for his own. That wasn't someone that she trusted yet.

And she wasn't convinced that his version of the story was true.

Lily wished that she had something else to mull over at the very least, but with the boys having abandoned her in the castle tonight there was very little to do. There was always her homework, but she had finished all of her essays an hour ago. Whenever just sitting and staring morosely at the fire got boring, or when she started to feel thoughts of how her mother was doing creeping in, she would add something to them, but they were already getting longer than the professors had asked for. Lily had always thought that doing that was showing off.

She sighed. Where was everyone? And why didn't she have something better to do tonight?

* * *

Every time that Marissa had woken up the past few days, she had looked around and asked the same question, "Where am I? What day is it? What's going - "

"You are in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts Castle," the calm voice of Albus Dumbledore answered her. She looked up at him in confusion. She could barely remember where she was and why when she first woke up from these exhaustive sleeps, yet she had come to expect her father to be sitting there to tell her that. "At eight o'clock in the morning on Sunday the 29th of October," he continued. "And this is your last day of enforced confinement. I had rather hoped to see you more with the world this morning, Miss Fletcher."

Marissa sat up, and for the first time in days they didn't stop her. For the first time in days the effort didn't exhaust her. "I remember where I am, it's just hard to get your bearings back when you sleep like that," she explained coherently, pushing bits of her mat of hair back that had fallen in front of her face. "I've been doing a lot of that lately." She wiped the sleep from her eyes, only after all these mostly useless actions had been done did she feel self-conscious to be so disheveled in front of the Headmaster.

She knew that Dumbledore hardly cared, but she still wanted him to see the best in her rather than her weakest moments. "Did my father go home?"

"Last night," the Headmaster answered her. "He came to say goodbye but you had fallen asleep."

"He have work tomorrow?" she asked, trying to keep irrational bitterness out of her voice in front of Dumbledore. What right did she have to ask anything of her father anymore? The roles that they had once played had been reversed. She was now the one who was being selfish and involved in a life outside of her family, and he was in charge of Gus.

"Actually, I believe that your brother's babysitter had to go home," Dumbledore said mildly, looking at her in a slightly disapproving way but also forgiving. She had just woken up to find one of the men she respected most in the world watching her confused and messy state.

"So can I get out of here yet?" Marissa asked him with a smile that said just how tired she was being cooped up in this bed, however incapable she had been of leaving it.

"As soon as Madam Pomfrey has checked you out and you are dressed and ready to return to us," Dumbledore answered her.

A huge smile broke out on her face. "Oh thank goodness! So, what are you doing here, Headmaster?" she asked, the sparkle back in her eyes and going full force.

"I was just coming by to see how you are faring, Miss Fletcher," he replied. "We have all been most concerned about you on the staff. Madam Pomfrey has even complained about the way your teachers bombard her for updates any time that she goes to the Faculty Lounge. You are most beloved in Hogwarts Castle. I have the impression that we wouldn't have been able to restrain all the students who would demand to know your condition if you had not convinced us to maintain secrecy."

"I appreciate that, Headmaster," Marissa said with a warm smile. "But if you don't mind, I'd like to get dressed now and go down to see everyone again."

Dumbledore smiled at her. "It will be a great pleasure to see you in the Great Hall and about the Castle again, Miss Fletcher," he told her genuinely. Then he rose and walked out the door, stopping only to tell Madam Pomfrey something, presumably that she had woken up and was ready to be checked out.

The curtains had been drawn around her bed in case any other students came in. There was a small opening that Dumbledore had made when he drew them aside to walk out. It was her only window out into the rest of the Wing. All she could see was Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey talking and that there was another circular curtain up several beds down.

Marissa pulled it tight when she stood up, in only a thin T-shirt she didn't want to face anyone. She walked over to a small basin and mirror that were set up within the curtained off section. She poured some water in, pleased to find that she had much of her strength back and it wasn't a great effort to lift the full pitcher.

Then she splashed the water in her face and washed it. What she really wanted was a full bath. That would feel divine later today. Hopefully not that much later. Marissa wondered if she would be happier when she saw her friends again or when she saw the warm water and playful bubbles of the Prefects Bathroom.

Probably her friends, but it would feel incredible to be totally and wonderfully clean again. With a sigh of anticipated pleasure, Marissa turned resolutely to the situation of her hair. She didn't look forward to taming that messy mass that had once been her beautiful blonde curls. Marissa shook her head at that vain thought, but perhaps she could excuse herself one vanity. Marissa loved her hair. It wasn't Lily's by a long shot, but it was a pretty color and the bouncing curls were fun and playful, much like their mistress. It also looked good in lots of different styles.

So, Marissa had to get that hair back. She took the brush and braced herself for a painful first tug at the knotted mess. She closed her eyes and winced in anticipation as she pulled the brush down roughly.

She opened her eyes in surprise when it didn't hurt, and the brush went through smoothly. Or, at least, that was what she assumed until her eyes opened in surprise. In horror, she looked down at the brush and saw a huge tuft of hair had attached itself to it. She gasped raggedly and reached up to touch her hair. She let out a choked sob when more came out in a huge mass when she touched it.

Marissa fell to her knees, sobbing and unable to stop herself, hair falling all around her. It was gruesome and frightening, and it was all over her. A panic seized her and she frantically tried to scrape the fallen hairs off of her, only to dislodge more with her desperate head movements.

She stopped only after a few moments of increasing panic had given way to grief and fear, she was still crying, covering her face with her hands. Then, out of a long developed habit, she reached up to pull her hair back from her face. Now, however, it felt like most of the hair left on her head came away with her hand.

It was all too much. Her body was giving up. Her hair was falling out. She reached out and tenderly, carefully touched the few remaining bunches of hair that were left clinging weakly to her scalp. There were whole huge bald spots. She felt like she would never be able to stop crying.

A few minutes later, Madam Pomfrey entered with a tray of her morning medications and found her in that state. Marissa looked up at her with tear-stained eyes, and the old matron immediately put down the tray and walked over to her. She bent down and pulled her into her arms, holding her as she cried again, not flinching as more hair came away with the pressure her arms around her back exerted on it. Marissa didn't even feel any pain at their easy separation.

How long they stayed there neither could say for sure. Madam Pomfrey whispered encouraging words in a steady stream as Marissa cried a steady stream of tears and sobbed quietly but helplessly in the nurse's arms. It didn't happen soon, and it didn't happen easily, and it didn't wait for her grief to lessen, but Marissa's tears slowly dried up and she calmed, exhausted from the effort of crying.

Madam Pomfrey pulled away and looked at her kindly. "Sit down on the bed, Marissa," she told her softly. It was the first time that the kindly matron had ever called Marissa by her first name. "It will be all right," she said softly. She took out her wand and summoned all of Marissa's hair into a small bag that she produced from nowhere. "We'll get a razor for the rest of it," she told her. "And then Professors McGonagall and Flitwick will make you a wig out of it."

It was the most perfect thing that they could have done for her. The overwhelming kindness of it made her dissolve into tears again just when she had thought that they were all gone. "There, there, Marissa," the nurse whispered, rubbing her back comfortingly. "It will all be all right, you'll see." Marissa's answer was to let out a sob.

Madam Pomfrey said in a pleasant, encouraging voice, "I think that you'll find that magical wigs are in many ways better than real hair. It will stay on your head, it's not removable, but it can be charmed so that it doesn't get knots and will stay at its best all day without any work. Now, you may have to use spells to style it, but that's easier in some ways. But you can play with it and it will feel just like normal. It's the same as before. Except that it doesn't get messed up."

"This is perhaps the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me," Marissa whispered, looking up at her, trying to blink back her tears. "Oh!" she cried, wiping at her tears. "I thought I was done with being overemotional now!"

"You are, dear," she told her. "There's no such thing as an overreaction to something like this." A moment later, Madam Pomfrey was back with a razor that took the rest of Marissa's hair. That was a kind gesture in itself when it could more easily be pulled free. Then she left a bald but calm Marissa to take her medicine and eat her breakfast while she took the small bag of her beautiful blonde curls to the Faculty Lounge.

Marissa looked at herself in the mirror steadily, her white scalp making her face look different and almost gruesome. She took a few deep breaths and managed to not cry despite the image.

Marissa also managed to not cry when her two professors and Madam Pomfrey returned half an hour later with a beautiful wig that, when they had bound it to her head, looked just like it had before this whole mess began. What was almost too much was to look back in the mirror and see that nothing had changed. That was what Marissa wasn't sure she could handle.

Almost as if he had heard her thought, Professor Flitwick said, "And another fun little charm I've added to your wig." Marissa bent down enough for the tiny professor to wave his wand at her hair. He directed the length of it and a totally different, shorter style was on her head when she looked back up at the mirror.

Marissa laughed with a big smile on her face. "Can you show me that one?" she asked with the air of a child playing with a brand new toy. She seemed much lighter than before, though it was a very fragile state.

Her professors smiled and taught her the wand movement. "Now, you can experiment with this all you want, the hair will always grow back as long as you want," Professor McGonagall explained.

"I'll be Rapunzel," Marissa laughed, making her hair grow down to her feet. She giggled. "Or maybe something a little shorter to be credible." After a few seconds, Marissa had bouncing blonde curls that came to just above her shoulders. It was perfect. It was different enough from the hairstyle that she had had only this morning to not make her feel like nothing had happened.

"Thank you so much," she said with a wide smile and tears back in her eyes as she turned to them with her new style. She hugged both professors at once, seeming to take them by considerable surprise. Professor Flitwick only smiled and winked at her, but Professor McGonagall looked considerably more flustered by the display of emotion. It almost made Marissa want to laugh again. Then she hugged Madam Pomfrey again who bore it with considerably more grace.

"Oh, and you can straighten it out and recurl it with a different encantation," Flitwick added, telling her the spell. "It's the same wand movement. Say it backwards to go back to curly."

"I'm a little attached to my curls, Professor, but it might be fun to straighten it occassionally," Marissa said with a smile. "Thank you both again."

"It was our pleasure, Miss Fletcher," Professor McGonagall said in her usual stiff way. She seemed to be more affected than she liked to let on, however. She was looking at Marissa in a way she didn't usually look at her students. It was a caring, sympathetic and sorrowful look that she turned on one of her favorite, though not one of her best, students. Marissa understood.

"Now, I believe that we should let you get dressed and ready to return to your House," Professor McGonagall said. Marissa looked down and was relieved to find that she had at some point she didn't clearly remember put on some pants. She smiled as they left and drew the curtains again. She put on the clothes that she had brought with her, shoving the rest of her things into a small bag so that it would look like she was indeed coming from home. She didn't bother with her uniform as it was Sunday. She pushed the curtain aside abruptly, ready to skip out to meet the day.

When she did, however, her heart skipped a beat. She froze, staring through the opening of the other curtain that she had seen earlier. The midmorning sun was streaming through the window onto a bruised, bloody and utterly exhausted looking Remus Lupin lying asleep on the bed. He didn't look asleep, however, he looked almost dead.

Her emotions were too close to the surface for her to be able to restrain herself. With a cry of dismay, she flew across the Hospital Wing toward him. Madam Pomfrey barely managed to intercept her in time. "Oh God, oh God! Oh God, please no!" she cried loudly, staring in horror at Remus who was looking so terrible. He looked mauled and beaten to within an inch of his life. "What the bleeding hell happened? How long has he been there? What happened to him?" she cried in anguish, trying to push past the insistent nurse.

"You are still vulnerable to infection, Miss Fletcher," Madam Pomfrey said sternly, pulling her back away from him.

"He's sick?" Marissa cried, staring at her. "An infection caused that?"

"No, but some of those cuts might be infected despite my cleaning. That's what I was finishing before your reaction," Madam Pomfrey explained.

"What's wrong with him?" Marissa demanded. "What happened?" Her tears were back and rolling down her cheeks now. Remus.

Madam Pomfrey pushed her to the door. "Miss Fletcher, Mr Lupin is not on his deathbed. He is, however, my patient. I will not disclose any personal information about him or his condition, therefore," she said calmly. "You have been discharged, you may go."

"Then I want to visit my friend," Marissa demanded.

"No visitors," Madam Pomfrey said sharply.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong with him?" Marissa cried in an anguished voice, being pushed out of the Hospital Wing entirely, craning her neck around to see the curtain behind which Remus was lying as pale as death and with so many wounds on him that it did not seem unreasonable that it might be approaching.

"Miss Fletcher," Madam Pomfrey said calmly, "If he were to have seen you this morning when he came in or when he woke, what would you have had me tell him?" The fact that she was clearly calm about the extent of Remus's injuries did not register with Marissa. She was too panicked, too emotional from her terrible morning, and most of all, it was Remus. She couldn't be reasonable.

But her words did make Marissa realized that Madam Pomfrey was a brick wall on this point. "You're the keeper of all of Hogwarts' secrets, aren't you?" she whispered, miserable in her defeat.

"And I keep them well," she replied. "People can hide many things from each other, but they can't hide them from their bodies. I am aware of virtually every secret in this castle, and I will disclose none of them." She was looking Marissa steadily in the eye. Marissa felt trapped. The hypocrisy of her demand to know Remus's health status did not go unnoticed, but it was highly unappreciated. She didn't feel like being fair and rational today. Not with Remus lying there with God knows what wrong with him.

God, yes, and perhaps someone else too, Marissa thought suddenly. She allowed Madam Pomfrey to close the door on her and immediately whirled around and ran (as much as she could anyway) to Gryffindor Tower. Those boys were going to tell her what was wrong with Remus. They were going to bloody spill the beans. No Marauder secrecy. No stupid brotherhood loyalty would keep them from telling her. They were going to tell her why he was lying there looking half-dead.

She was almost to Gryffindor Tower when she saw them making their way from it. "Riss!" Sirius cried joyfully when he spotted her. "You're back."

But by this time Marissa was furious. She had realized, on the way, how Remus would have had to have come by these injuries. The Marauders had undoubtedly done something stupid that had gone horribly wrong, and now they weren't even with their friend to see him through it. So it was the face of fury that she turned on them. She ran right up to them, ignoring how much it hurt, and started beating the closest one - Sirius - screaming, "What did you do to him? What the bleeding hell did you do to him?" then she was sobbing again. "What did you do?"

James tried to grab her and hold her back, but Marissa twisted in his grip, trying to escape. This was too much. Her hair, Remus, it was too much for one morning. She had snapped. She was crying and in her hysteria, James was all the unfairness in the world that had let this happen. So she beat at him mercilessly and madly.

"He started it, Marissa, I swear Snape started it - " James tried.

"I don't care about Severus fucking Snape!" Marissa yelled. "What the hell is wrong with Remus?" Then she stopped fighting and hitting and was sobbing again. James was already holding her back, but now he had to hold her up. She tried to calm herself but found it difficult to even just draw breath. "Why is he lying in the hospital looking like death?" she demanded, the painful words making still more tears stream down her face.

Over her head, all the Marauders exchanged looks. None of them had any idea what to do. "We - we can't tell you, Riss," James said gently.

Marissa sobs had slowed mostly from exhaustion, but she looked up at James furiously, "Damn to hell your Marauders code! I'm not going to bust you for it! I'm not going to tattle to McGonagall."

"It's not about that, Riss," James said. "It's just not my secret to tell you."

"What are you, a clone of Madam Pomfrey?" Marissa demanded, her anger giving way to pure frustration. "Why won't anyone tell me if he's going to be all right?" she cried, burying her face in James's chest. "I just want to know if he's going to be all right."

James pulled her forward and looked her in the eyes, "He's going to be fine, Riss," he told her calmly. "He'll be back to normal in just a little while."

Marissa looked up at him and he could see all the anger and fear and sorrow slowly draining out of her eyes. Everything else seemed to be draining too. She sighed in her relief and seemed to sag from lack of energy. James held her up, and she leaned back against him for strength. "He'll be back to normal soon, I promise."

Marissa had no more tears left, not even in her profound relief. Then James spotted Remus himself over her shoulder. Werewolves heal very quickly, and Marissa had woken him with her hysterics, not that he had known who it was. In the several minutes that Marissa had found her way through the castle and yelled at the Marauders, Remus had gotten dressed and quickly had every cut that hadn't healed itself mended by Madam Pomfrey.

James pulled Marissa back again, "There, see?" he said as he pointed behind her. She turned slowly and, when she saw Remus, closed her eyes and exhaled in relief.

She immediately closed the distance between them and fell into his arms, holding onto him, barely able to stand herself now. "I don't want to fight anymore," she said, the tears still in her voice. "I'm sorry."

"You changed your hair," Remus said softly in surprise. Marissa smiled against his chest. That meant he forgave her. That meant they could be friends again. And he was all right. Marissa smiled broadly. She could have stayed like that forever. She nodded her head to answer his question.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it," he replied, not letting go of her. It was at that moment that Marissa knew once and for all that she was deeply and hopelessly in love with Remus Lupin.

* * *

"So what in the world happened this morning?" Remus asked when the Marauders were finally alone (in the Common Room) that evening. Marissa and Lily were spiritedly catching up, and Lily was making a rather overwhelming attempt to catch Marissa up in her classes. Glancing over at them, Remus saw that Marissa was laughing at Lily's overzealous explanation of the Arithmancy lesson, trying to interrupt to remind her that Marissa didn't have Arithmancy.

He turned back to James, Sirius and Peter who looked grimly back at him. "She saw you in the Hospital Wing," Sirius answered softly. Remus's shoulders sagged. Frick. Hell. Damn. "Madam Pomfrey wouldn't tell her what was wrong, apparently, and she was really freaked when she ran into us."

"From what she said, she thinks it's some kind of prank gone wrong," James added. Remus exhaled in relief. He hadn't even realized that he had been holding his breath. "She was nearly hysterical with worry for you. It was actually rather touching, really."

"In a frightening to the depths of the your soul kind of way," Sirius said sarcastically. "Yes, it was very touching, James."

"You don't think it's sweet that she was that worried about Remus's well being?" James challenged, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"No," both Remus and Sirius answered at once. "Not when she had so little concern for my well being the way she was hitting me," Sirius added. "I swear, if she thought it was my fault, why didn't she just hex me? At least hexes have countercurses, but I'll have bruises for a week."

"Oh poor baby," James rolled his eyes.

"What was she doing in the hospital?" Remus asked in confusion, still reeling from the near miss that had occurred.

None of the others knew. They looked at each other for a minute, then Sirius called across the Common Room, "Eh Riss, why were you in the Hospital Wing this morning?" he hollered at her.

"I'm sorry, it's just not my secret to tell," Marissa yelled back with a pointed tilt of her head. James let out a laugh and explained to Remus in an undertone.

Sirius shouted back, "Ah don't be like that, Riss!" Marissa didn't answer, instead she turned back to Lily who had at long last been brought off the subject of school and was berating her for not telling her that she wanted to chop her hair off. "We'll only find out eventually!" Sirius threatened.

"Then why do you bother to keep the secret from me? I'll only figure it out eventually!" Marissa shouted back. "There'll be something gone wrong in the castle tomorrow, I'm sure."

All of the Marauders tried not to pale at this proclamation. "Nobody likes a busybody, Riss," Sirius shouted back after a moment. "Now tell us why you were in the Hospital Wing." Marissa laughed and shook her head at him. "Do as I say, not as I do," Sirius added.

"I was getting a potion for my father," Marissa said, "Not that it's any of your business. But thanks for reminding me. I forgot to get it."

"So you and your dad are getting on better lately?" Sirius replied.

"Yes, and if the conversation won't disturb everyone else in the Common Room, I'll give you details when I get back," Marissa said, standing up and making her way to the exit.

"Do you want me to come with you, Riss?" Lily asked, standing up and pushing her books to the side.

Marissa laughed, "It's after curfew, Lils. I'm going to light my badge and pretend that I'm patrolling. You better stay here." Lily looked like she was going to put up a fight for a moment, then shrugged and plopped back down on the couch and tilted her head back as if to take a nap until her best friend returned.

Marissa stole out into the darkened castle and made her way to the Hospital Wing with no problems. She could probably make the journey in pitch blackness now she had done it so often in the past two months. She opened the door and saw Madam Pomfrey all ready for her, just as she always was no matter when Marissa came in.

Truthfully, she should really be more true to the schedule she was supposed to be following, but it was too risky to think up excuses for the same time every day. The prices she paid for secrecy grew every day. "Here you are," Madam Pomfrey said, handing her the tray when she sat down on the bed. "These are your treatment pills," she said pointing to a small cup with two pills in it. "And these are for the pain," she said pointing to another cup with four pills in it. "You don't have to take steroids anymore, so being prone to mood swings is mostly behind you," she added.

"Not that I needed them this morning," Marissa said with a laugh.

"You are a surprising person, Marissa Fletcher," Madam Pomfrey told her seriously. "Very few people could laugh at something like what you went through this morning, and even fewer could do it so soon after it happened." Marissa didn't know what to say to that. So she just sat there at a loss for words until Madam Pomfrey remembered herself, "And here are your clarifying and strengthening potions, but the strengthening one probably won't kick in until tomorrow, so be very careful heading back to Gryffindor Tower."

"I will," Marissa promised. It was no idle worry. She was beginning to feel weaker already.

"You know, now that the only medications you're taking are in pill form, you could probably keep them in your room," Madam Pomfrey said. "And just come by for the potions every few days. I can make them so that they last three days."

"That would be wonderful," Marissa said with a wide smile. "Not that I don't like spending time with you, Poppy." The nurse did a double take. "I heard Dumbledore call you that sometime over the past week or so."

"Ten days," Madam Pomfrey told her. "A respectable recovery time from that procedure."

"Well that's a change," Marissa said with a smirk, "Because I'm seldom called respectable around here." Madam Pomfrey just shook her head at her patient as she walked out the door. "Oh, and about this wig, can I, er, wash it?"

"You don't have to, but no, it won't hurt it to get it wet," Madam Pomfrey replied. "It'll always be clean though without it."

"Why do any wizards keep their natural hair?" Marissa laughed as she threw the door open and stepped out into the dark corridor.

The Castle was always so peaceful at this time of night. Everything was so busy during the day, even the decorations on the walls were in a flurry of activity. At night, everyone and everything, pictures and suits of armor and all, slumbered to rest up for the next day. It was relaxing to walk along the empty, echoing corridors in the resting world.

A little too relaxing this time, however. It was getting hard to keep her feet under her. "Careful, Madam Prefect, you look as if you're about to fall over," a voice said silkily from the shadows.

Pleasantly surprised, Marissa turned to Severus Snape who obligingly came out of the shadows, "Luckily it looks as if I have a white knight here to help me back to my Tower," Marissa said. "Whatever are you doing here?"

"None of your business, Fletcher," Snape said sharply, taking her under the arm. She immediately let him take a surprising portion of her weight. She laughed quietly.

"Fine, have it your way," Marissa said, sounding amused. "But may I venture a guess?"

"It is of no consequence to me if you attempt to guess," Snape replied. "Though I must warn you that you do not in fact know me well enough to fathom my motives."

"No one ever knows anyone well enough to understand the inner workings of their mind," Marissa said with a shrug, "But that's not going to stop me. It's too much fun playing psychologist. Whether you're right or wrong is only a matter of opinion anyway." Snape looked at her in surprise. Would he never cease being surprised by the things that came flying out of that girl's mouth? "Anyway, I bet that I can say safely that you were setting up something to get back at my friends for whatever it is they did to you this past week when I was gone," she said. "They insist that you started it, however, whatever it was."

"That is entirely a matter of opinion," Snape said matter-of-factly.

"Which?" Marissa asked curiously. "My guess or their designation of you as the instigator?"

"Both," Snape replied crisply. "Not that it should deter you, if being correct is merely a matter of opinion. Truthfully, I'd love to hear you try to explain that to McGonagall."

"I meant about people," Marissa replied, non-plussed by his insistently sarcastic tone.

"You would drive a psychologist mad," Snape said, shaking his head at her. "And make a lawyer tell the truth."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Marissa declared spiritedly. Then she seemed to suddenly sink. Snape quickly caught her other arm to steady her. "Thank you," she said, slightly breathless. He found himself very close to her as a result of the near tumble. He couldn't make himself move for a moment. "I promise, Severus, I'm all right," Marissa laughed. "Although I'm touched by your concern, truly I am."

Snape scowled unpleasantly. Curse you, Marissa Fletcher. If I thought it would drive you out of my head, I would do it too. Don't you even think that I wouldn't. You don't know me, and your opinion could be that you're right all you want right up until the moment that I hexed you into oblivion.

"So, I made up with my friends," Marissa said after a moment of walking along in silence.

"Is that your way of telling me that you won't be bothering me any more?" Snape asked, unaccountably very hurt. Oh screw Marissa Fletcher if she didn't care about him. She was a hypocrit if that was the only reason that she had liked him. And Snape hated hypocrits. It was one fault that he did not forgive.

"No, it's my way of telling you that I won't be sending snide looks in their directions when we talk," Marissa said. "And I thought that I should tell you. Maybe now you'll believe that I am your friend."

"I don't want friendship from you, Fletcher," Snape said coldly. He found that it was true, however.

"What do you want, Severus?" she asked, stopping and looking him in the eyes. Cold black meeting bright blue. Secrecy meeting clarity. Slytherin meeting Gryffindor. Pureblood meeting Muggleborn. Darkness meeting light.

Snape just looked back at her. "You stopped because?" he said after a moment, having no real answer to her question.

"This is the entrance," she explained, gesturing to the statue they were standing in front of. He waited. "And I'm not stupid enough to let you hear the password," she laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow," she nodded at him. Snape bowed politely and let go of her arm. His walk back to the dungeons was a cold and lonely one without her company, without her arm in his and her warm body only a short distance from his own. Snape hated himself for these thoughts.

Karkaroff was in the Slytherin Common Room when the wall dissolved before him. "I could give you a detention for this," Karkaroff warned in a nasty voice. It was so very different from the conversation that he had just had with Marissa Fletcher. Then again, there was more that separated her from Igor Karkaroff than mere House.

"Try it," Snape snarled, making his way toward the stairs. A minute later, he doubled back. "Karkaroff, can you keep a secret?" Snape asked. Karkaroff raised one eyebrow at him.

"I don't think you've ever asked me that before, Snape," he said carefully. "Do you have something you want to unload on someone?"

Snape had a profound feeling that what he was doing was stupid, but it wouldn't hurt to have a few alliances in his own House, would it? "How does one approach a member of the opposite sex to indicate to her that you do not find her especially repulsive?" he asked.

Karkaroff snorted, "You start by not referring to them as members of the opposite sex. And you definitely get a better line than that." He laughed loudly. "So, who is it you fancy, Snape? Let me tell you, it'll be a relief to your other dorm mates if you finally get yourself a girlfriend." Snape snarled at him for that suggestion. "Don't howl at the moon about it, Snape. It's actually in a way too bad you're going to pursue someone else. It's been so entertaining these past weeks to watch those - what do you call them? Moroners? - run around like idiots because they think you and that Mudblood are going to start snogging in empty classrooms."

Karkaroff took one look at the (stupidly) unguarded look on Snape's face and laughed loudly again. "Ah ha! Well let me tell you, this is going to be brilliant! I should have known from your wording. 'Not especially repulsive' indeed. I suppose that is the best thing that you can say about a Mudblood, but I can definitely see the appeal. It would drive those Moroners absolutely batty. And, you know, I don't think she'd make such a bad shag either."

"You approve?" Snape asked mildly.

"Hell, I'll enjoy seeing how this turns out," Karkaroff laughed. "Just let me know so that I can be there when she breaks the news to the Moroners. It's going to be priceless." He stood up to head off to bed, still laughing his head off. "And to answer your question, ask her out to the greenhouses or some shit like that. More romantic. Beats me how a dirty old greenhouse is romantic. Girls." He waved his hand dismissively as he began to head down the corridor to his room.

"One more thing, Karkaroff," Snape said, rising to his feet. Karkaroff turned around obligingly, "Obliviate."

* * *

"Curling iron," Marissa told the statue when Snape had gone and the next moment slid into the Prefects Bathroom. Marissa didn't feel bad about lying to Severus. She knew what his mind would do with the location of the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. Probably stand outside and guess passwords until he got lucky. Recognizing her, the room began to fill with the scent of strawberries and champagne. She didn't care if "strawberries and champagne" were a cliche theme, she like it.

One of the advantages of being a senior prefect was that the bathroom had learned to recognize you and filled your bath for you. This saved a great deal of time and ensured that only your favorite bubbles were in the tub. Marissa always made a point to keep a few extra changes of clothes, both uniforms and PJs, in the bathroom, so she didn't worry about what she would change into when she shrugged off her clothes and slid into the blessedly warm water.

She stayed in the shallow end, sitting on one of the comfortable ledges (cushioning charm on the stone? she wondered) and relaxing in the soft, warm water. She set about scrubbing herself down a moment later. She was exhausted and could barely bring herself to do anything but float in the fragrant water when she was done. Eventually, however, she pulled herself up and out of the bathpool.

It was as she was reaching for one of the great fluffy towels that her mind, which had been blissfully blank for the past several minutes in the luxurious bath, returned to the question of what had happened to Remus.

As she changed into her bedclothes, she tried to imagine what would give him those kinds of injuries. As she used the towel to dry her hair (which was apparently a much easier task with her new wig), she thought that it looked like an animal attack more than anything else.

Could they have been messing around in the Care of Magical Creatures stables? But then, wouldn't the other boys have had some kind of mark on them? And Madam Pomfrey would have been able to tell her about that.

She'd been on the wrong track. It had to be something that Madam Pomfrey wouldn't tell her...

Marissa stopped drying her hair. She slowly put the towel down. She hurried to the door that led from the bathroom to the landing on the stairs of the girls' side of Gryffindor Tower. She hurried with her remaining strength to her and Lily's room. Lily was in their bathroom (hers now, Marissa supposed) so Marissa was able to dig in her trunk without being questioned.

She pulled out the patrol schedule that Valerie Malfoy had passed out before McGonagall had changed it, she had assumed for her treatment schedule. But as Marissa looked over it, she realized that in the four month schedule there were four nights that had been changed, not for her, but had definitely been changed for her and Remus's benefit.

After that, it didn't take much of an intuitive leap for Marissa to realize why Remus had had to have those dates changed. Why McGonagall had granted the schedule changes unilaterally, even in a way that would be very obvious. She understood what would have caused his injuries and also his quick recovery. She understood why they had all looked so frightened that she might understand what was going on.

And then, Marissa understood oh so very much about Remus Lupin.

* * *

Everybody hated getting up on Mondays. As such, they usually did it only at the last possible moment. Usually, Lily and Marissa were a notable exception to this rule, but Marissa seemed to have little or no motivation to get up that morning. When her best friend finally dragged her out of bed, she took only a few minutes to get dressed, much less time that usual.

"Is that new hairstyle of yours less work?" Lily asked in faint surprise when she saw her friend already dressed and ready to go.

"Isn't it nice?" Marissa said with a laugh, flipping the short hair so that it bounced. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I just thought it'd be nice for a change," Marissa said. "I had some time and I really needed to take it to myself back home. A trip to the beauty shop was definitely in order." She wondered how bad a thing it was that she had gotten used to lying so easily. Probably pretty bad. But Marissa wasn't in the mood to thing about that. It made her think, however, that she and Remus had something else in common. They had kept a huge secret from those closest to them. Whose was bigger? Marissa wondered briefly.

Marissa led Lily down the stairs, hopping down the last few. It felt so good to have energy again, even though she probably shouldn't push it. She saw James Potter coming down the stairs at the same moment look extremely disheveled. Immediately, Marissa hurried over and pushed him back up the stairs, "Oh no you don't, James Potter," she said, pushing him up until he was around a bend and out of sight in the Common Room. "You are not coming down looking like that with Lily down there. Button your fly," she commanded, undoing James's mismatched shirt buttons.

She proceeded to deftly button it back up again for him. "Honestly, James, can't you even dress yourself in the mornings?" she asked, cheerfully teasing. "I know it's Monday, but at least come down looking decent."

Even though Marissa didn't even seem to notice that they were very close, not to mention that she was dressing him, James was extremely uncomfortable. He kept glancing just over her head as if watching someone for their reaction. "There you are," Marissa said simply, smoothing his shirt. "Just tuck it in and straighten your robes. I suppose there's nothing to be done about your hair."

"Marissa, can I ask you something?" James said, again his eyes sliding over her shoulder as if looking at someone. Marissa followed his gaze but didn't see anyone. Not that that meant anything considering what Cloak James had.

"Only if afterward I can ask if you have a girl hiding behind me," Marissa said with a look at him.

"Would you have been as upset as you were yesterday if it were me who was hurt?" he asked, even now not looking at her but the empty space behind her.

"Are you asking if I'm your friend, James?" she asked, wrinkling her brow in confusion. "Because the answer is yes."

"I'm asking if you would react just like you did if it weren't Remus down there," James said.

"Are you asking if I'd be more upset if it were you?" she asked in surprise. "Are you asking if I like you as something other than a friend, James?" she added, staring at him. "What vanity is this? You don't like me, you're in love with Lily. What would make you think that?" James smiled, to her mild surprise. Not that anything should have surprised her much after this encounter. "Now, why don't you give me a nice friendly peck on the cheek and we'll go downstairs," Marissa said, displaying her cheek to him.

James pecked it self-consciously, looking at the same empty spot again. Marissa looked over there and stopped. She walked right over to the spot that James had been looking at. James blanched when he saw that part of the Cloak had slipped near the bottom. Marissa walked right up and looked for a moment as if she were going to pull the Cloak right off. Instead, she surprised him by bending down and straightening the Cloak over the place where it had slipped. "I've decided that I don't want to know after all, Prongs," Marissa said, shaking her head at him and bounding down the stairs.

* * *

Marissa was surprised to see a dark-looking owl alight in front of her at breakfast when Owl Post arrived for the morning. She took the letter from it and offered it the remainder of her cereal, but it seemed to disdain her breakfast and flew off again for, she could only assume, breakfast in the owlery.

Shrugging with a glance at her curious friends, she ripped it open and read the contents. They were concise and to the point. She rolled it up quickly and folded it away in her bag. All of her friends were looking at her expectantly, but she looked right back as if she had no idea what they were curious about. Eventually they gave up asking her and started to individually plot how to best steal the letter.

After foiling the second attempt, Marissa took the letter and walked over to one of the floating candles. She set it on fire and walked back to the table as if nothing had happened. She made sure that the entire thing burned into ashes on her empty plate. "Fine, be that way," Sirius said sulkily.

"What way, Sirius?" Marissa asked.

* * *

Transfiguration, Charms and lunch all passed unremarkably. The rest of her year was glad to see Marissa back, but things didn't really get interesting until the rest of her friends left for Defense and Marissa had her free period. She had a different sort of appointment to make. Severus Snape wanted to meet her behind Greenhouse Five during her free period.

How he had known she had a free period was reason enough to go to satisfy her curiousity. She arrived first and, dropping her bag beside her, sat down against the glass wall of the greenhouse. She sighed and smelled the exotic, earthy, and exciting smells that always accompanied the Hogwarts Greenhouses. The soft grass behind it seemed so tame and safe when you thought about the deadly and fascinating plants just beyond the glass that she was resting against.

She opened her eyes when she heard someone, presumably Severus, clear his throat. She hadn't even realized that she had closed them to catch the scent better. She smiled up at him politely.

Snape hated that he was such a damn teenager. Why did it have to be a universal law of nature that teenagers had to fall "in love" or whatever that bullshit phrase was at this age? And usually with totally stupid and unsuited people? It almost made you long for the good old days of arranged marriages that let the parents decide on sensible matches. Hormones could always be counted on to eventually take over anyway. It certainly would have saved Snape the embarassing trouble of starting to lust after Marissa Fletcher.

He had never thought that he was feel the nearly irresistable urge to go over and kiss someone, but he should have known as a scientist that it was inevitable. And if the girl was agreeable, why the hell not just give in? His housemates would think that he was dating her just to get to Potter and his cronies. He would lose no status in Slytherin, in fact he'd probably gain some. And he would have someone devoted to him. Snape hated that he wanted that, but he could admit that he wanted the other things. He could admit that, so why not just embrace it?

Marissa probably would be agreeable. If for no other reason she would see it as an excellent way for her to lead by example in her naive but well meaning Inter-House politics crusade. She had gone to war with her friends who meant more to her than life meant to most people for him. She was one of the first people in his life to look at him with kindness. She tried to understand him. She sought out his company. And all the way back to her Common Room she had let him hold her arm. She couldn't have been that tired.

She was a good conversationalist and made him feel special that she would go through so much strife with her friends to defend their relationship. Now it was Severus's turn to go out on a ledge.

Marissa stood up to greet him, "So, I can't wait to find out what was so important to you, Severus," she said with a smile that was just for him.

"I have something to say to you, Fletcher," he said. She nodded and stood up straighter as if that would help her listen more attentively. "I have given you the impression repeatedly that I do not enjoy your company." She just looked straight at him with no emotion on her face. "You have, insightfully, not believed me. I have much enjoyed your company these past few months."

"I'm glad to hear it, Severus," Marissa said. "I've enjoyed talking to you as well."

Snape waited a moment, then continued, "You have been very insightful throughout our association. Therefore I think that you will understand my motivations for what I want to communicate to you today without much unnecessary explanation."

"You're going to have to give me some kind of hint," Marissa said with a laugh. Oh how that laugh affected Severus Snape.

"I can do that," he said, moving closer. "Marissa," he almost whispered. Snape was almost on top of her and it was the first time that Marissa smelled danger. Snape had never, never called her by her first name. It simply was not something that he would do.

But he had, and now he was mere inches from her face. Marissa was still reeling in shock when she felt Severus Snape's lips on hers. Gasping in dismay, Marissa tried to jump away, but found that his hand was already at the back of her neck. He seemed to mistake her reaction and his very snake-like tongue brushed her lips. She called out in surprised dismay and tried to push away.

She couldn't have overpowered him, most likely, but when he realized what she was trying to do a moment later, he let her go. She sprang away several feet, pure shock on her face. "Er, er, Severus - " she started, clearly trying to find the words.

Snape's face resumed it's traditional closed, calm, dignified and vaguelly menacing expression again. "As I told you before my unwise and apparently unreciprocated display of emotion, one of the things that makes you less repugnant to me than other members of your sex is that you do not require unnecessary explanations. I do not require them either."

With that, he swept away and out of sight. Marissa eyes were still bugged out in surprise when she met her friends and the Ravenclaws for Herbology a little later. She didn't answer their questions and was silent all throughout the class.

* * *

Marissa arrived in the Hospital Wing after her last class, still smelling of that peculiar scent of the greenhouses. She smelled a little more strongly of manure, however, as that was what their task had involved today, repotting some of the more dangerous shrubs.

"You smell like dirt," Madam Pomfrey greeted her. "Are you bringing dirt into my nice, clean Hospital Wing?" she demanded.

"Yes," Marissa replied simply and impudently. "I most certainly am. So, do you have the medicine packet that will let you get rid of me?" Marissa had a few moments to spare here as she could just take a shorter bath in the Prefects Bathroom and Lily wouldn't notice that it took longer than her usual post-Herbology shower.

"Here you are," Madam Pomfrey said, displaying a small case. She spent the next few minutes explaining what each section contained and the clever system that would cause the proper container to light up when it was time for her to take that medicine. "The doses are written on the ledge just below it just in case you forget," she said. "Take care that you check it from time to time. I'll tell you if it needs to be changed when you come in for your potions every three days, but just in case you forget or I do."

"I can't imagine that, Poppy," Marissa laughed.

"Well, be that as it may," she replied serenely and dismissively.

"I'll be careful, Poppy," Marissa promised. "And I have an answer to your question." The nurse turned to her in confusion. "You asked me yesterday what I would have wanted you to tell Remus if he had asked about me," she explained. "And one thing that I wouldn't want you to say was that you couldn't tell me. It turned out to be a pretty big hint for me."

Madam Pomfrey sighed and turned to her. "I suppose I don't even have to tell you that you shouldn't tell anyone? You, after all, I don't think would ever do anything to cause him harm. Not after the display you put on yesterday morning when you thought that he was hurt."

"He was hurt," Marissa replied softly. "And it nearly killed me."

Madam Pomfrey smiled at her, "I could tell. Seeing you would have killed him too."

"Oh how do you know that, Poppy?" Marissa said serenely and dismissively.

"Well, it's been my experience that when a boy whispers a girl's name in his sleep, especially in that particularly tender tone, he is not precisely indifferent to her," she answered with a sly smile. "I've known Remus Lupin for years, and he never does anything by halves. So, are you going to do something about it?"

"Are you kidding?" Marissa asked with a heavy sigh. "How could I date him? I'm dying. It would only hurt him worse." She felt absolutely miserable.

"First of all, if you're giving up hope, then I don't know quite what is happening to the world," Madam Pomfrey said sharply. Marissa smiled at her and shrugged. "But even if that's true, that you're going to be too sick to get out of bed sometime this spring and dead a month or two after that, I'm still not so sure that that's a good reason to let a chance like this go by."

"How can you say that?" Marissa demanded. "I know that they'll be crushed when - if, I know, if - I die, but why would I want the guy I love flattened by it?"

Madam Pomfrey smiled at her. "Love, is it? Well, with all you know about Remus Lupin, Miss Fletcher, think about what his reaction would be if anyone told him that somebody out there would love him someday." Marissa wouldn't have had to know, or really just suspect, about his lycanthropy to know that he wouldn't believe it. Now, she just understood better why he wouldn't believe it. "I think that it would be worse if this opportunity you have was missed. You're taking such a risk for more time that you can live your life as you'd like. Why make that time cheaper?"

"So," Marissa said, feeling as if she had just had an epiphany, "You're saying that it would be a bigger tragedy if he never knew how I felt about him when - if - I die than it would be if - "

"If he were were more broken up about your death at the funeral," Madam Pomfrey answered. "Yes, that's what I mean. And I think that both of you deserve to be happy in the time that you have now. I would think that it would be all the more precious to you, Miss Fletcher, and that you'd be all the more careful not to waste it with the lengths you are going to to protect it."

"I need to think about this," Marissa said, sounding as if she were in a daze as she placed the case of medicines in her bookbag and swung it over her shoulder. "I'm not ready to tell him. I've got to decide if I can be with him without telling him."

* * *

Remus was sitting reading in the Common Room. It was dinnertime and nearly everyone else in the Tower had already walked down to the Great Hall. Remus was reading his Defense textbook as he waited for his friends to come down so that they could walk with him, but he was beginning to think that he might leave without them. He was always hungry in the days before and after a full moon. At least his hair was beginning to return to its normal length now.

He didn't look up when he heard footsteps pattering lightly down the stairs of the Girls' Dormitory. Not until he felt someone plop down on the couch near him did he look up. Marissa was sitting there, smiling at him and waiting for him to notice her. "I think that you need a haircut almost as much as I did," she said when she saw that she had his full attention.

He tried not to panic. Marissa went on gaily, "You know, I just realized that I'm getting rather taken advantage of in this relationship." Although she didn't seem particularly upset about it, Remus closed the book and looked at her in concern. "You see, I'm tutoring you in dancing. What am I getting out of it? I think it would only be fair if you tutored me in something to repay me," she said matter-of-factly.

"And what would that be?" Remus asked curiously.

"Well, Defense Against the Dark Arts, obviously," Marissa said.

"You're not even in that class," Remus pointed out in confusion.

"If I were in that class the teacher would teach it to me," Marissa said. "By the way, how is the new guy?"

"Professor Bones? Well, he's all right. It seems like he mostly wanted to bring his family to Hogwarts to make sure that Amy and the baby are safe, though. Teaching isn't his calling in life," Remus answered. "He's still Edgar to some of the seventh years, I think, so I don't know how he's taking that."

"Well, as I won't hear it from Edgar Bones, and Defense is growing in its importance in our world, I don't think that, as a friend, you can let me be totally ignorant," Marissa replied. "So, what night is good for you? Or do you just want to make every other dancing lesson a Defense lesson?" The second option didn't seem particularly appealing to her by the tone of her voice.

"How about Thursday night? I know you don't have Astronomy, but if you don't mind staying up with us for awhile," Remus suggested. "That would be the most convenient."

"Yes, it would," Marissa replied. "And I think that I can make it work. In fact, it'll be nice to not have a free evening I have to fill with something. I've been resorting to the most dire methods, even homework once." She was smirking at him, trying to coax out a laugh. He gave her a smile.

"Well, now that that's settled," she said happily, springing up. "I'm going to go up and drag Lily down to dinner. Are the rest of the Marauders coming? We can all walk down together that way." She didn't wait for an answer, but instead started toward the stairs. She turned a few steps away from them, however, and called, "Oh, I almost forgot, Remus." He turned. "You dropped you prefects badge on the stairs this morning." She tossed a small metal object to him.

Remus reached out in a slight daze to catch it. She had known it was him standing there? What had she thought of James's loaded questions? Then the small silver badge touched Remus's hand and fire erupted in the spot where it landed. He dropped it instantly, recoiling from the weak sensation that he had felt at its touch.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Remus," she said, hurrying forward and picking up the badge with no problem. "This must be mine. Here's yours," she handed him the plain metal one that McGonagall had had made for him when Dumbledore named the prefects.

Remus stared down at the badge in shock. He turned to stare up at Marissa in surprise, but she had already whirled around and was heading for the stairs again.

Flinging the badge aside and leaving it where it had landed, Remus stood so quickly that his book toppled to the floor. He hurriedly followed her, stopping at the edge of the stairs up into the Dormitory, "Marissa!" he cried. She turned slowly and stepped down a few steps until she was only three from the bottom. "Do you know?" he asked intensely, staring at her in a way that, if she did know, she would understand what he was talking about instantly.

Marissa stepped down another step. "Yes," she said quietly, seriously, looking him in the eyes, "And I don't care, Moony." She was smiling.

Remus was stunned. And panicked. "What do you mean you don't care?" he yelled. "How can you not care that I'm - that I turn into a - that every month I go through - "

"Oh no, no, Remus, I'm sorry," Marissa said quickly, stepping down to the last step and grabbing the wrists of his emotionally waving arms. "That was a horrible thing to say. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that I don't care that this happens to you," she explained, catching his eyes and holding them firmly. "I hate that you have to go through this every month. I only meant that it doesn't change anything of the way that I feel for you, Remus. I thought that that would be you first concern."

"It was," Remus said, all the anger leaving and making him feel numb and dumbfounded. "How long have you known?"

"I wasn't really sure until you couldn't touch my badge," Marissa said. "I didn't mean to do it, but it confirmed it. But I noticed a pattern in the dates McGonagall changed. If Valerie didn't do them out so far ahead of time I would never have noticed." There were tears in Marissa's eyes, "And when I saw you yesterday I just had to know what was so wrong. I couldn't let it go. So I thought about it until I realized."

"How can it not change how you feel about me?" Remus asked her, shaking his head in disbelief.

Marissa smiled. "You're still the same person that you've always been. It's only more amazing that you're who you are now than it was before," she told him softly. Remus suddenly became aware that she hadn't let go of his wrists. "You're still my friend. One of the sweetest guys that I know. You're still you, Remus. Did you think that it would change any of that? Any of who you are?" There was no pity in her eyes. There was no horror. There was no anger. There was concern for him, and the friendship shone out stronger than before. It was more insistent now. That truly was the only change. It was unbelievable.

"You've asked me several questions now," Marissa said with a small smile. "Can I ask you one?" Remus couldn't even speak. He could barely think. Marissa knew, and here she was so near to him, not liking him any less. He saw something else in her eyes as she spoke; it was determination. She seemed to have made a decision just now as he watched.

The next thing that Remus noticed was that Marissa's hands were no longer encircling his wrists. She had instead laced her fingers through his. "Where, you silly boy, did you ever get the idea that I was in love with James?" she said in a such a way that it was impossible even for Remus Lupin to not understand what she meant. Even if he hadn't caught it from her tone, the way she was looking at him confirmed his shocked conclusion.

He was still staring stupidly in a kind of passive denial, however, when she made it abundantly clear what she meant. She raised herself up ever so slightly on the tips of her toes and kissed him.

Remus felt paralyzed with shock and pure, blind terror that this was a dream. If this was a dream, when he woke up he would kill himself. But this had to be a dream.

Mistaking his unresponsiveness, Marissa pulled away, a horrified and embarassed look on her face, "Oh, I'm sorry, Remus. I'm so sorry, it was a terrible moment to -" She let go of him and fled up the stairs. Remus felt like he could hear, dimly, in the background, his alarm starting to go off.

Well, damn it, if this was a dream, which was the only conceivable explanation, he was going to end it the way that he wanted to. He sprang up the stairs after her. He caught her only a few steps along, used her arm to spin her around, and pulled her to him. He whispered, "There is no such thing," just before he kissed her.

And he didn't even hear his alarm going off.

---

©KatyMulvaney4/9/2005