A Chance You Only Get Once

Chapter Eighteen
Conspiring With the Enemy

The snow-woman was peaceful. The white face of Marissa glided into his field of vision. Then something subtle started to happen. The gentle breeze blowing past suddenly seemed to affect her. Autumn leaves weren't just blowing past her, her hair was blowing back with them.

Then her eyes snapped open, they were blank and empty. "Hurry!" she cried.

Sirius sat up in bed, panting as if he had been running hard. His eyes began to adjust to the dark in his bedroom as his breathing slowed.

Sirius snapped the covers back and jumped out of bed, not caring that it was the middle of the night. He searched around on the floor of his room for something to wear, not particularly caring if he ended up wearing clothes that matched. His heart wouldn't settle. There was rising panic in every frantic heartbeat. Years ago he might have dismissed this as a mere nightmare. Then again, he had been raised in a very superstitious, he couldn't think up a better word for it at this hour of the morning, home, again for lack of a better word. But Lily herself, the quickest to scoff at any form of Divination and even a great deal of Arithmancy, had agreed with James. Listen to your fears. When your spine tingles, pay attention. And in this case, get out. Fast.

Sirius had known how dangerous and how great a test of his mettle and loyalty serving at the Potters' Secret-Keeper would be. Serving as the decoy, however, had no less danger. Perhaps even more. There were more people he was protecting. And he had to not only keep the secret under torture, but keep from giving any clues whatsoever that might lead them to Peter; he was protecting many secrets rather than one. It was no small thing. Especially since Death Eaters might be coming for him in the dead of night. His fear was not so groundless.

Sirius Apparated the instant that he had thrown some Muggle clothes on his back and shoes on his feet. They were scarcely his most comfortable pair, but hopefully this would be a quick excursion to soothe his worries. Drop by Pete's to check up on him, then drop in on James and Lily although after checking on Peter that would be redundant. James and Lily were as safe as Peter was. As long as he was all right, so were they.

Sirius hurried up the street unable to stop himself from running until he reached Peter's apartment building. He broke into the front door and made his way up the stairs (far too easily, for is peace of mind. They had thought of putting wards up, but Sirius himself had refused that. It would draw more attention to Peter, and he was supposed to be inconspicuous).

Sirius let himself in with his key, announcing his name for the ward that they had risked putting up inside his apartment. It kept a tally of where he was as well, but in theory only Sirius, James, Lily, and Dumbledore could read it, not that Dumbledore even knew about it. Anything could be broken, but the battle was already lost if they were looking for Peter, and it was important for the Order to be able to find him. If anyone needed to contact Lily and James whom Peter hadn't already told, they needed Peter. Sirius could know absolutely that they were staying in the Potters' summer cabin in Godric's Hollow. He could quote the address down to the zip code, but he couldn't tell anyone else that or even say it aloud. Only Peter could now. It was only because Peter had told him that Sirius still knew at all.

The list showed that Peter was in. He hadn't checked out again since he got home from work. "Hey, Wormtail?" Sirius called, not particularly caring if he woke his friend from his sleep. "You want to go visit James and Lils? Or just go barhopping? I'm up for either." It had been a long time since James and Sirius went barhopping. Ah, the good old days. The bachelor party had been the last one, and that was years ago. It would almost make Sirius feel better than seeing Lily and James to have Peter in his constant sight, knowing that he was all right.

Sirius was so engrossed in his inner monologue that it took him a minute to realize that Peter hadn't answered. "Peter?" he tried again. Peter could sleep like the dead when he was tired, and he had looked very, very tired lately, but even so, he had learned to respond quickly whenever anyone came to check up on him. "Petey boy?"

You could have heard a pin drop in that apartment were it not for the pounding sound of Sirius's heart. "Peter. This isn't funny. Answer me now." Peter's snores could wake the dead. They had had to put silencing charms on his bed at school to get a wink of sleep. It sometimes even woke Remus from his post-transformation exhaustion. There was silence in the apartment. Peter wasn't sleeping, and he wasn't answering either.

"Damn it Peter! Answer me!" Sirius cried, bursting through the door to his friend's bedroom. He wasn't in it. The bed had not been slept in. What the hell? There had been no sign of struggle in the apartment. There had been no sign of a fight. If Death Eaters had come for him, even Peter would have been able to put up some kind of fight. If he had just left for, oh hell Sirius didn't know, a smoothie at two o'clock in the morning, the ward's list should have noted it. Where had he gone?

Sirius transformed into his dog form, sniffing about for the most recent scent of Peter. Could he have drowned himself in the bathtub or something? It was then that Sirius detected a smell that he certainly hadn't expected. Peter's animagus form? Peter as a rat? Where would Peter have to go as a rat?

Sirius quickly followed the trail, fairly easily as it was different from the others. It led to a mousehole. Sirius transformed back into his human form in pure surprise. This was the only kind of transformation that still hurt physically after all these years of practice. So the thoughts that had exploded in his head at the sight of the mousehole took a minute to reform in his mind once he was in his human form again.

Peter had a way out! If Death Eaters came for him, he could escape easily! He had a way out and they wouldn't be able to find him! This was great!

Why hadn't he told them? The smile that had been starting on Sirius's face faltered. Why hadn't he told them? Why had he left? It couldn't be that Death Eaters came for him. If they had arrived to find him gone (by all appearances) they would have turned the place upside down in case he was hiding. They would have still been waiting for him to come back. What could Peter have been running from?

Or running to? "No," Sirius whispered. "No, he couldn't be ..." Then Sirius lept to his feet, "NO!" He Apparated instantly to his garage. It would take an hour to run from the nearest Apparition point to Godric's Hollow. His motorcycle was the fastest way. He could do it in under ten minutes if he got high enough in the sky. Sirius flew higher and faster than even he had ever dared that night, panic spurring him on. He kept up a steady litany in his mind all the while. This will all be just a nightmare. This is nothing more than what happens when you eat something funny before going to bed. This will all be just a mistake that they can all hate me for waking them up about. This is all a bad dream and a misunderstanding. The Potters will be fine. Peter might even be with them. Harry will be safely asleep. Lily and James will be up reading to each other or whatever it was that they do.

He almost dropped straight out of the sky when he saw their house below. Or rather, what had been their house. He lept from the motorcycle several feet higher than was wise and let it roll itself to a stop several feet away. Sirius didn't notice or care.

The house was gone. Gone. There was rubble and ashes in its place. There was a hand sticking out of the mound of scorched wall and plaster and brick and whatever else people made houses of. James's hand, bloody and destroyed. James. Oh Prongs, Sirius cried silently as he fell to his knees, blind from the tears and grief that threatened to overwhelm him. How could we have been so wrong? If only we'd been a little more wise or a little less clever. Then the sobs came. They came for Lily and Harry too, but James had been his only family for too many years for his death not to mean the most. His brother, his friend, the only one he really trusted. And because I was wrong, you are dead. Lily, the beautiful and stunning Lily who had loved him once and had always cared for him, who had been his friend through thick and thin, who had trusted him to the extent that she would make him Secret-Keeper and agree to change it at his advice, his stupid advice. Lily was dead.

Harry was gone. The sweet, innocent little child that Voldemort had marked for death. The toddling little one year old who cried whenever he didn't have his parents' full attention. Who demanded their love so greedily as if he had known that their days together were numbered. Harry was dead.

Sirius saw a huge shape bend suddenly. He had thought that that was a pillar or support that had somehow remained standing. No, it was alive. Sirius was on his feet, wand drawn instantly. "Get back you!" he roared furiously. "Get back I say!"

"Sirius?" the voice of Hagrid asked, turning to him. His voice was choked with massive sobs that would probably have shaken mountains.

"Hagrid!" Sirius cried in relief, putting down his wand and running over. "What are you doing here?"

"Dumbledore sent me fer Harry," he answered tearily.

"Harry!" Sirius cried in surprise.

Hagrid showed him a wrapped bundle in his arms which, miraculously, wonderfully, joyfully, held the sleeping one year old Harry James Potter. "He survived?" Sirius cried in wonder.

"Migh' never know 'ow," Hagrid said.

"Will you give him to me, Hagrid?" Sirius asked. "I'm his godfather. And I'm his guardian now."

"I'm sorry, there, Sirius," Hagrid said. "But Dumbledore said I'm ta bring 'im to 'is aunt and uncle's. And he know best."

Dumbledore didn't know best. Dumbledore didn't know about the switch. That was why Sirius had been passed over. That was why Dumbledore was going to Petunia. Merlin. Sirius was a dead man...

No, that was Peter. The real betrayer. A powerful rage such as he had never known filled Sirius in that moment. "Take my bike, will you, Hagrid?" Sirius managed to say. "It's probably faster than most anything else, especially for getting to a Muggle neighborhood."

"Are ya sure, Sirius?" Hagrid asked.

"I won't be needing it anymore," Sirius said grimly. I'm coming for you, my friend. I'm coming for you, Peter Pettigrew. I'm coming for the rat that said he was my friend. I'm coming for the rat I trusted above Remus. I'm coming for you, Wormtail, so you better run. You better hide. And you better hide damn well, because when I find you, I'll rip you limp from limp. You won't get to die quickly like James and Lily did. I'll make it last a long time, as long as your betrayal was.

The moment that Hagrid had mounted the bike and zoomed off into the sky, Sirius transformed and went in hunt of the man who had been his friend, the man who had tricked them all so well, the man who had betrayed them, the man who had been conspiring with the enemy.

The man who was the enemy.

* * *

"So answer me one question, will you?" Remus asked as he walked Marissa from the first Prefect Meeting of the year to what was likely to be just as gigantic a disaster: the first James Potter Fan Club meeting of the year.

"Shoot," she replied, taking an unexpected turn rather suddenly.

"What?"

"Go ahead," Marissa said with a small smile.

"Aren't you, in a way, conspiring with the enemy?" he asked with a smirk at her. "After all, the Fan Club is about the last thing that's likely to help Project DJE."

"If you only look at things on the surface," Marissa replied non-commitally. "I suppose that seems very true. However, I control the Fan Club. So how can consorting with myself be consorting with the enemy? I have big plan for the Fan Club and DJE."

"You keep your own counsel, don't you?" Remus asked with what was almost a sigh.

"Only for a little longer," Marissa answered to his great surprise, and a little skepticism. "Full disclosure will come very soon," she said as she turned to look at him with a smile. "For now, however, I only give you the same advice as last time."

"Don't miss the Quidditch match?"

"That's the one." Marissa stopped in front of a door. She turned to face him, leaning against it. "Well, I'm afraid that I can't allow one who hasn't taken the sacred oath to go any further."

It was probably just like old spy movies from what Marissa had told him of them. They were in a dark, deserted passage (in a haunted castle) and she spoke suggestively of secrets and passwords and mysteries. Marissa was just as mysterious to him at times like these as those women in the movies. She seemed like the keeper of some deep, dark secret just barely kept under her control.

It was also probably Marissa's intention to create this little scene. "And suppose I did take this sacred oath?" Remus asked, amused by the whole charade.

"Well," she said, stepping forward slightly. "Then you'd be privy to the whole despicable spectacle that we're all about to make of ourselves." She said the last part in her normal voice, shaking her head in the direction of the door. "It keeps me up some nights how daft some of these girls are," she whispered, glancing back carefully at the door.

"Did Marissa Fletcher just speak badly of someone?" Remus said aloud in a highly amused tone. "And many people nonetheless."

"I'm a prefect, not a saint," Marissa said with a smile. Then she spun around and pushed open the door. He caught a brief flurry of what sounded like screaming before the door closed behind her, and he was left alone in the shadowy passage.

Remus let out the heavy sigh that he had been holding back throughout their conversation. Why couldn't he just enjoy her company? Why was it never enough for him anymore? She clearly didn't want anything more than friendship. He couldn't even bring himself to be honest with her. Perhaps he didn't deserve even that. But he couldn't bring himself to tell her because he couldn't bear to lose her. Yes, she was understanding and forgiving and one of the most accepting people that he knew, but Remus remembered all too well the brief, fleeting, but still very present look of horror in his friends' eyes when they finally worked it out. They had been loyal and wonderful and beyond incredible in the years since, but even they had recoiled when they first realized. He couldn't bear to see that look in Marissa's eyes. It would break him.

So Remus made his solitary way back to the Common Room with these melancholy thoughts. Or, at least, that was the plan. He had thought at first that it was merely echoes in the empty passage. Then he had thought it was his overactive imagination. But when the footsteps began to sing very softly, "Rissa and Moony sitting in a tree," it was undeniable.

"There is no other entertainment in the castle?" Remus demanded of his friends, not turning to address them as they still had the Invisibility Cloak on. Sirius at least. Remus just assumed that he wasn't alone. "Is this evening really so boring that you chose to follow Riss and me around?"

"But you're so cute together," Sirius said cheekily, pulling the Cloak off himself. He was alone after all.

"We're hardly together, Padfoot," Remus said in annoyance.

"That's the part that I still can't figure out," Sirius said, folding the Cloak over his arm as he took a few hurried steps to catch up to Remus. "You like her."

"Of course I like her," Remus began, meaning to go on.

Sirius would have none of it. "You really like her. You're always looking over at her and smiling at her and laughing with her and spending all the time you can with her," he said, playfully teasing.

"She's my prefect partner," Remus replied simply.

"And you're dancing partner," Sirius added. "Even though the test you had to learn it for was over last year. Two months before the O.W.L.s in fact. But you didn't tell her. And you two still go on with the lessons as if you have an excuse." Sirius had him there, Remus had to admit. Professor Perkin's little fling with the dancer who had convinced him to teach all of them was long over, but the dancing lessons weren't.

"And?"

"And..." Sirius drawled the word out almost gleefully, "You like her. At least, you'd better. Because you seem to like being around her more than being around us, so either you've got a crush or we've got competition as your best friends. And we know that that's impossible. We're the best friends ever."

"While not arguing that point," Remus said, the old familiar inexpressible gratitude swelling in his heart, "I have to spend a lot of time with Marissa for prefect duties."

"Mm hmm," Sirius returned, "And you like her."

"I feel like we're back in second year," Remus said with a long-suffering sigh.

"Moony likes Marissa, Moony likes Marissa," Sirius cried in a sing-song that echoed loudly in the empty corridors.

"Oh shut up," Remus replied irritably.

"Moony like Marissa," Sirius said in his normal voice impudently.

"Even if I did, what good would that do?" Remus snapped in irritation.

"She likes you too," Sirius declared.

"No, she doesn't," Remus replied.

"Yep," Sirius argued intelligently.

"No, Padfoot, she doesn't."

"Yep."

"Stop being ridiculous, Sirius."

"But she does," Sirius replied, the smirk still very firmly in place. "Would you like to hear my reasons?"

"Nope."

"Too bad," Sirius went on, undaunted. "She spends a lot of time with you."

"Again, prefect duties."

Sirius waved that aside. "She smiles a lot around you."

"She smiles around everybody. She even smiled at Snape the other day." Remus couldn't repress the shiver at that memory.

Sirius also shuddered, but when on a moment later, "She talks to you about stuff that she won't talk to the rest of us about."

"Maybe because you don't listen," Remus said pointedly. "You haven't been listening to me this entire conversation."

"Sure I have, you're in denial," Sirius said, throwing an arm around Remus's shoulders. "And you aren't listening to me either or you'd stop interrupting."

"If you weren't talking nonsense I might pay more attention," Remus said grouchily.

"My final point," Sirius went on cheerfully, "And let's just see you get out this one: she continued the dancing lessons this year." Remus had nothing to say to that. "Just be nice about how you tell Peter, all right? He's still hung up on her too."

* * *

Only those who had received at least an E on the O.W.L.s was allowed to take advanced potions. That was all of the Gryffindor sixth years except for Peter and almost all of the Slytherins as well. If Professor Delacour was disappointed that the inter-House politicking in her class was not likely to stop, she didn't show it. She came into her first class of the year smiling her perfect French debutante smile.

"Good morning, class," she said as she entered, as usual not a hair out of place. "As your labwork is particularly difficult this year, you will be working with one partner the entire year. You will need to be able to work together well. You will be Brewing and creating your own potions by the end of the year. As such, I have partnered you." The class was unable to supress its collective groan. "I gather from that outburst," she said in a tone of high disapproval, "That you did not like my previous parings. Allow me to assure you that this year is too important and consists of far too delicate work for me to make them based on politics, even my own." She took a moment to look at them sternly again before continuing. "I have chosen your partners based on demonstrated methodology. Ability only to a certain degree as everyone here is quite qualified to be here as your O.W.L. results demonstrated. I have paired you according to your thought processed and attention levels more than your test scores. Sometimes like-minded partners and sometimes opposites, but above all people that I believe will work well together.

"So, I'm sure that you are all anxious to hear," she continued. She picked up a scroll of parchment. "Sit in desks in the order you are announced. As we have a slightly smaller class, skip every other workstation." Then she read off very quickly, "Sirius Black and Remus Lupin; James Potter and Lily Evans; Jessica Havisham and Augustus Trabb; Igor Karkaroff and Annette Penola; Marissa Fletcher and Severus Snape."

The members of each house turned to Snape and Marissa with sympathy, the only Inter-House pairing. They needn't have bothered. Although Snape would never admit it even to himself, he would enjoy Marissa Fletcher's company far more than that of members of his own house, and Marissa was just about the only member of Gryffindor that might be able to get along with him. It was fairer than making, say, Sirius Black or James Potter partner him. That would be a bloodbath every class period.

Snape did not appear to be taking this magnanimous view of the situation when Marissa brought her things over to the workstation he was already beginning to set up for the potion they were assigned. It was a delicate potion, she knew from her reading. "I see that I'm going to get a chance to use several of the ingredients I learned about in that book you suggested in our potion today," Marissa said cheerfully.

"Fletcher, neither of us is the other's first choice for a potions partner, let's not exacerbate the situation with mindless chatter," he said coldly, pulling out his set of knives in a rather ominous way.

"I'm rather hurt," Marissa said with an outrageous fake pout. "Is it really that terrible to be my partner again?"

"That's just it," Snape snapped at her. "You know that we were paired together because we got on tolerably last year. We're being punished for not trying to attack each other in class like Potter and Karkaroff. Funny sense of justice that little French brunette has, wouldn't you say?"

"We did get along fairly well last year," Marissa replied mildly. "And that suddenly has to change this year because...?"

"Because I have to partner once again a largely incompetent, ignorant Mudblood who probably only qualified for this class because of my help, all just because of my superb skill for adapting to difficult situations," Snape replied nastily.

"Then could you adapt to this one?" Marissa returned, "Because I'm not in the mood to hear you insult me. Shocking, I know, but my idea of a perfect potions partner is not one who spends the entire time degrading me when we're supposed to be working."

"Aren't you suddenly the industrious one?" Snape fired back. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing, but it seemed to be working. There was a great wall between them now. Perfect. Keep it that way.

Marissa, who had turned away to grab one of the ingredients, whirled back around, "Can I ask you something?" she asked intensely, then without waiting for an answer she continued, "Do you really think that that's the first time that anyone's ever called me a Mudblood?"

Snape didn't know what to say to that. He doubted that anyone else would have either. He settled for just staring at her mutely. "Everyone else may buy your 'skulking Slytherin hiding in the shadows waiting to spring out at the unsuspecting' act, but if you ask me, you play it a little too heavy-handedly for it to come off genuine," Marissa told him matter-of-factly. "What do you really mean by it? Acting like this the first day? When I couldn't have possibly done anything to offend you so much that you'd jeopardize your potions grade? Especially when you're vying with James Potter for Head Boy and you'd love nothing more than to beat him?"

Again, Snape could only stare at her. Dear Merlin, I've provoked it. Never provoke someone who can see right past all the walls that you put up. There's no telling what unpleasant things you'll learn about yourself. No telling what will come flying out of the mouth of someone who can see what's written in your mind. Even in the most angelic, or perhaps especially in those, there are things that you wouldn't want said aloud. Especially by someone that you care about.

Care about? Oh hell.

"Now, the way I see it," Marissa was continuing, her eyes still blazing slightly, oblivious to his inner monologue, "We have two options. We can either spend the year finding ways to make each other miserable, or we can spend the year trying to find ways to coexist. If you decide on the latter pass me the horned toad feet."

Marissa didn't wait for an answer, but instead went straight to slicing the bezoar that all the workstations had been provided with. Only when, a few minutes later, she saw that the horned toad feet had been placed near her, did she say anything at all to Severus Snape. When she did, he answered politely if stiltedly.

* * *

"Would you mind slicing today? I've been a little clumsy lately."

"My hand is steady."

"Glad to hear it."

There was a long silence as they both went about their tasks.

"So are you all right?"

"Huh?"

"Intelligent response. I asked if you were all right. Is there something wrong that's making you clumsy?"

"Oh, the usual. Lack of sleep, stress, et cetera."

"Ah. Good."

* * *

"The cauldron's boiling over."

"I'm aware, Fletcher."

"Is this one of your fancy methods?"

"Don't be cute."

"I just can't help it, I'm afraid."

"Then can you cutely help me get the cauldron fire under control?"

"I'm not sure if that can be done cutely. I don't want to risk spoiling my image."

"Well, you're risking spoiling your grade at the moment."

"I'll try to find a way."

"Glad to hear it, Fletcher."

* * *

"Do you have a shrivelfig?"

"Actually no, Fletcher, not that it's any of your business."

Marissa laughed softly, a fluting sound that was barely muffled enough to not attract the attention of their neighbors. "I meant that disgusting blob just to the left."

"Oh that's way too easy," Sirius Black said from behind them.

"Shut up, Black."

"You shut up, Snivellus."

"Wow, what a stunning comeback."

"Shut up, both of you."

* * *

"That's got to stop. Seriously," Sirius was fuming as they climbed the stairs up from the dungeon. "She was looping me in the same category as Snivellus!" All the Marauders were like-minded about Marissa's tentative but growing ... friendship? ... with Snape, but Sirius was easily the most vocal about it.

"Remus, you've got to talk to her," he said conclusively after railing all the way up to the Great Hall. It was their last class of the day on Thursday until Astronomy at midnight. They had a long evening stretching ahead of them and far too much time to brood over the unfortunately pleasant state of affairs at the Fletcher-Snape potions workstation.

"Why do I have to talk to her?" Remus asked. He was no less disturbed by the budding ... friendship? ... than the rest of his friends, but he was wary of inviting Marissa's certain wrath.

"Don't be stupid, Remus," Sirius replied shortly. "Because she listens to you." Remus was relieved and strangely disappointed that he hadn't said, "Because she likes you."

"I don't like it any more than the rest of you," Remus said carefully.

"Brilliant," Sirius said instantly, striding ahead of the rest of them. "Prongs, Wormtail, I think that the three of us can distract Miss Lily."

"Padfoot, right now?" Remus demanded, at a loss.

"No time like the present, Moony," Sirius replied. "The girls are just up ahead."

The next thing that Remus knew, he and Marissa were walking up to Gryffindor tower with none of their friends in sight. "So may I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Do you realize that you're conspiring with the enemy?" Remus asked, hoping that the reminder of a previous situation would soften that remark. He couldn't imagine a good way to ease into this conversation.

"Your enemy? Or mine?" Marissa asked with a warning look at him.

"It's hard to imagine him not being someone's enemy," Remus said darkly.

"Remus," she said sternly, "I don't want to get into this right now."

She walked a little faster as if to lose him. "We're worried about you, Riss," Remus said, walking faster to catch up with her.

She put on a burst of speed, but turned her head back around to answer him, "Well, don't. I'm fine. He's my potions partner. I'm going to be civil to him, I'm sorry if that bothers you."

"If you were just being civil it would be one thing," Remus said, walking faster to keep up with her. "But it looks like you're starting to like him, that could be really dangerous, Riss."

"Oh go rent a low-budget horror movie if you want to act all cloak and dagger, Remus, and get a life while you're out shopping," Marissa snapped. "What could possibly be dangerous about having an amicable relationship with someone that I have to spend a great deal of time with twice a week?"

"When the person is Severus bloody Snape!" Remus replied, anger at her and at Snape and at the world all rushing in. "I know you think that we're all just Slytherin bigots and that that's the only reason that we don't like him, but we have real reasons, Marissa. We didn't base this on the Sorting Hat."

"And I'm sure that they're very rational and impersonal reasons at that," Marissa said sarcastically, walking faster again.

Remus caught up easily, "Well, no small part is how he treats you and Lily," Remus said, grabbing her arm and spinning her around to face him. "How he treats and talks about Muggleborns, it turns our stomaches. And he's so fascinated by the Dark Arts, you see how he's always reading books about evil and black magic. He could literally be dangerous."

"Well if it'll make you feel any better, I won't go near any sacrificial altars when I'm around him," Marissa replied. She jerked her arm out of his grasp and walked off. She turned when she was several feet away. "And Severus Snape is your enemy. Not mine," she declared without stopping.

Remus leaned back against the wall and sighed heavily. Well that could have gone better.

* * *

Marissa hadn't planned on taking Astronomy anyway, but the gap in her schedule proved truly useful in her treatment schedule. All she had to do was pull the curtains around her bed after Lily left for class so when she got back, exhausted, she would think that Marissa was already asleep there. In the morning, she'd just beat her down to the Great Hall which was easy considering they could sleep in on Friday. It was perfect. So when the Marauders, Remus still a little huffy, and Lily headed off to Astronomy (minus Sirius who would probably be much harder to shake off in the future when they got over this Snape fight), Marissa slipped out of Gryffindor Tower with a change of clothes and made her way to the Hospital Wing.

Marissa knew from the past few weeks that arriving for her treatments huffy didn't help them in the least, but she was still furious about Remus's meddling. What did he know about Severus? And he thought that he could judge him? And her? He could tell her who she was allowed to be friends with? Why, they weren't even dating!

Marissa sighed. If only they could. How did she go from being furious with him one minute to wanting to kiss him the next? She had it bad, that was how. But he was still being ridiculous about Severus. All those stupid boys were. Why did they have to act like that? They didn't control her. They didn't own her. They had no right.

"Well, what are we all worked up about tonight?" Madam Pomfrey asked her the moment that she entered. The impressive array of equipment was laid out on a small table by the bed where Marissa would be spending the night.

"Nothing," Marissa sighed, plopping down on the bed.

"Well then, you're sure worked up over nothing, aren't you?" Madam Pomfrey replied. Marissa said nothing. "All right, I can see that you don't want to talk about it, but try to forget about it. I need you to relax back please."

This was quite a trick as the treatment was anything but relaxing, but Marissa always managed it somehow. Then she quite easily relaxed into bed and fell into a deep sleep until the morning. She always felt sick and tired the next morning, but it was always passed after a few hours that day. Then she could live her life normally until the next treatment the next week.

She almost didn't remember the night before when she woke up with the early morning sun streaming in through the window to wake her. She smiled slightly and stretched, becoming aware of the needle in her arm. However, it seemed that no sooner did she start to stir each of these mornings than the stern but kind nurse was hurrying forward to remove it. Then she would grab her clothes and make her way down to breakfast, trying not to throw up on the way.

"Madam Pomfrey?" Marissa asked tentatively, brushing sleep out of her eyes. These were the only nights that she never dreamt, and it was surprisingly disorienting. It felt as if she hadn't slept at all. The nurse turned to look at her politely, "I've been - well, I've been a bit testy lately, a little more so than I usually am- "

"And you want to know if this has anything to do with the medication," she finished for her. "Of course it does. But it'll only be affecting your hormones like that until the larger procedure next week. Then the medication and dosages change. You hormones should settle down and let you stop blowing up at people for minor offenses."

"Glad to hear it," Marissa sighed.

Madam Pomfrey laughed a little. "Have a spat?"

"And I'm still mad at him," Marissa replied.

"Him?" she asked. "Just which 'him' are we talking about?"

"Remus Lupin," Marissa replied simply.

"Lupin?" she asked in what sounded like slight surprise.

"That's the meddler himself," Marissa responded. "Well, I guess I better go down to breakfast or I'll have to explain to Lily why I left before her and didn't beat her down."

"You do know that you'll have to tell them eventually?"

"Yes, yes, I know, then they'll be testy with me," Marissa said with a smile.

"Yes, I fear that they will," Madam Pomfrey said. "Have a good morning, Miss Fletcher," she added as Marissa began to make her way, on mildly shaky legs, toward the door.

"You too," Marissa said with a smile.

* * *

"Come on, Moony, it couldn't have been that bad," Sirius scoffed. "You're exaggerating."

"She basically told me to leave her the hell alone and stop being a bigot," Remus replied. "Doesn't require much exaggeration to be a royal disaster."

"You're obsessing worse than I do, Moony," James said with something of a smirk. "It's Riss, she'll get over it eventually." Marissa snorted quietly, hiding in a passage just out of sight. She had almost walked up to them, but she wasn't in the mood for another Snape Slam-Fest, this time with all of the Marauders yelling at her about him.

"Maybe I should apologize," Remus said with a heavy sigh. Marissa nodded her head from her hiding place, but all of the Marauders instantly dissented loudly at his comment. "And maybe she's right. He does seem to be nice to her."

"Remus, this is Snivellus bloody Snape," Peter said, drawing his words out as if speaking to a simpleton. "The one who told the entire school you were in the hospital wing for impotence when he found out you went there."

"Who told Marissa about that Wemmick rumor in the middle of potions class as meanly as he possibly could," James added.

"Who told Lily when Prongs stole her stuffed bear," Sirius added. "I'm still not sure why, by the way."

"Severus Snape who convinced a first year that Avada Kedavra was a stunning charm that wouldn't cause any lasting harm," James added quickly. "That poor kid almost went to Azkaban for the rest of his life. We've never done that with one of our practical jokes."

There was a short pause. "Sorry, Wormtail."

"The place is bound to come up occassionally, James, you don't have to apologize every time you mention mothers or Azkaban," Peter said with considerable dignity. "And anyway, we were talking about Snivellus."

"But maybe we're overreacting," Remus said.

"About the guy who put veritaserum in everyone's drink in the Great Hall?" Sirius said. "So that the entire school was fighting with each other? And dozens of friendships that had plenty of potential were broken?"

"Obviously not very strong then, were they?" James pointed out impudently.

"McGonagall didn't speak to Flitwick for over a week over something that happened twenty years ago!" Remus burst out. "And if you remember, James, you and Peter didn't speak for two."

"I forget you had twice the reason as the rest of us to hate that one, Moony," James said apologetically. "Dumbledore had to obliviate half the Hall afterwards."

"Suppose he had missed one?" Remus asked ominously.

"This is the man that did that," Sirius said. "And you want us to trust Marissa around him? Like we can trust him not to treat her like dirt? He doesn't care about anybody. He made Marissa break down during class last year. And now she's getting attached to him? She's only going to get hurt. Snivellus doesn't make friends, and he doesn't change the way he treats people. He's only going to hurt her if she starts to think that he might. I don't want to have to rescue her from another Lucius Malfoy."

"I'm not saying that he's a good person for her to start to like," Remus said, "I think he's terrible as the books he reads and the positions he espouses." Remus sighed, "But it's not like they're picking out engagement rings or anything."

"No, we're certainly not," Marissa said, walking out from her hiding spot. They all jumped and turned to face her guiltily. "So you can all stop worrying." She had had every intention of forgiving them, but hearing them talk about Malfoy had brought up too many negative emotions for a happy reconciliations even if she hadn't hated the fact that they felt that they had the right to protect her from the world, that she was their property. Their personal damsel in distress. She knew that she was being at least a little ridiculous about their attitude, but she was too emotional these days to be rational when someone brought up something that triggered any emotions.

She turned and walked off to the Great Hall and sat by herself at the end of the table. Lily joined her a little later, raising her eyebrows at her and nodding in the direction of the boys. "They're being prats lately," Marissa explained testily.

"I've been telling you that for years," Lily said with a laugh. Marissa tried but couldn't return the smile. She wasn't in the mood lately.

* * *

Someone really should have told Valerie Malfoy that before the next Prefect Meeting. No one had the chance, however. She pulled Remus and Marissa aside the moment that they arrived the following night. She was livid, that was clear instantly. With Marissa's hormones raging due to the medicines and Remus's blood beginning to run hotter as the full moon approached in its orbit, it was a disaster waiting to happen.

So it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. At least it didn't look like anyone would be there to see it. "Was I not clear about my policy for this year on the train?" she asked in a deceptively mild tone of voice. She was glaring daggers at them both, however, so neither of them was fooled.

"Crystal," Remus said in the same mild but laced tone.

"Was I not clear both in the Prefect meeting and later when we were discussing your disgusting display of disregard for the safety of others that I wanted McGonagall involved only as a last resort?" Valerie said, looking as if she were livid but firmly in control of both herself and the situation. She was a Slytherin, after all. Anger ran cool in that crowd, the kind of anger that you could use.

"Apparently not," Marissa said mildly, "Because I didn't think that you wanted her called in even as a last resort."

Valerie smirked at her, cocking her head unappreciatively, "Don't be cute. You understood my order."

"You were incredibly clear," Marissa assured her. "In fact, I think you alarmed the other prefects so much that they nearly went to McGonagall to complain about your new policy. I don't think that she would appreciate that too much."

"Any more than she would appreciate your little stunt on the train," Valerie said in a threatening voice.

"Or the fact that you didn't tell her before now," Marissa replied immediately. "Nicely delivered bluff, however."

"What is this about?" Remus demanded, casting a glance at Marissa to tell her to call off the escalating cat fight before they had even found out what Valerie was so upset about.

"On the surface," Valerie said with a deceptive calm, "It's about the patrol schedules, but what goes deeper is the underhanded way that you went behind my back. I cannot have dissention among my prefects!"

"There's practically an active conspiracy among your prefects," Marissa snapped. "A changed patrol schedule hardly weighs in that."

"And you're at the head of it," Valerie snarled. "Well, what is it that's so important to the two of you on these nights that you wouldn't even consider bringing it to me first? That would be the diplomatic way to attack whatever problem you're having. And the two of you, though dangerous and deceitful, are nothing if not diplomatic. I saw you at work in the meetings last year. You'd try the polite way first, even if only so that you'd have another list of complaints when you eventually went to McGonagall. That is, if this was just an ordinary problem like a major test or a randy significant other." Marissa and Remus didn't dare glance at each other, not wanting to even imagine what their partner must be thinking, not realizing that they both had their own secret that the patrolling schedules had been designed to hide. They both thought that they had to keep both Valerie and their partner from the truth without making it obvious to either that there was a secret to be found.

"And then there's the other little fact that McGonagall unilaterally granted the schedule adjustments," Valerie Malfoy went on. "Unceremonious redid them, with no attempt to compromise with the other prefects or discuss the problem nights with me. She redid your entire schedules. And I want to know why." She smiled evilly, "And believe me I'll find out. And you'll regret that you ever went over my head. It's something big, you wouldn't have done that otherwise, and I'm going to expose it."

"Is this really that important to you?" Marissa asked, and all the fire had gone out of her voice. There was now only calm persuasion. Running just under the surface was a trace of panic that Remus didn't notice, but perhaps Valerie did. "Or do you want something else?"

Valerie smiled. "Maybe you would have made a decent Slytherin after all, Miss Fletcher," she said. "A deal? Well, a secret so good that you'd try so hard to cover it up must be interesting... But I think that having control of my prefects back and an end to this idiotic 'conspiracy' would be even better."

"How can we deliver that?" Marissa asked.

"Not quite so much him, but you," Valerie replied immediately. "I'll tell you my terms. You don't say a word during the prefect meetings unless I specifically call on you. I don't care if you have a suggestion that would solve hours of negotiations. You don't speak. If you are trying to catch my eye excessively, I will merely stare right back at you unless I'm in the mood to hear you speak. Once that gavel bangs you don't open your mouth."

"If McGonagall calls on me?"

"You may answer," Valerie replied. "That specific question and no other."

"And in return you will forget this little mystery that you think you've uncovered," Marissa said clinically. "You don't search for clues, you don't mull idly over the reasons we might care if you poked your nose into our business. You don't speculate, you don't suggest it to anyone else. You don't offer evidence or conclusions or hypothesis to anyone, and you yourself forget that they exist as much as you can. If McGonagall ever does this again, you don't look for a pattern or try to discover any motive. On any day you remember we were supposed to patrol, you don't even blink in our direction twice to wonder why we didn't want to do it that night."

"Your terms are acceptable," Valerie said with a nod.

She turned to head back to the Meeting Room, then Marissa's voice halted her, "And are they accepted?"

She turned slowly back to Marissa, looking torn between severe umbrage that she would be questioned and approval for her careful clarification. She smiled politely, diplomatically, the way you smile at an enemy who has just become neutral, "Yes, Miss Fletcher, they are accepted."

"For me as well, Miss Malfoy," Marissa said. "You won't hear a word out of me after you call the meeting to order."

"Then by all means, let us get in so that I can do so," she said in an only slightly nasty voice. They both nodded to each other as Valerie held the door open for the two divided Gryffindor prefects to step inside.

Once inside, all of the other prefects raised their eyebrows in surprise as the two six year Gryffindors and the head girl came in together, all looking grim but also relieved. Valerie Malfoy also looked just a little victorious. "Conspiring with the enemy?" Eliza Lavelle asked mildly, glaring daggers in Valerie's direction. Her question, however, had obviously been addressed to Marissa and Remus.

"Suffering cats!" Marissa cried unexpectedly. "I'm so sick and tired of hearing that phrase!" She shot a quick, lethal glance at Remus before going on in an unexpected and unstoppable tirade, "Who the hell is the enemy anyway? Why does everyone who isn't just like you have to be the enemy? Why do Inter-House politics have to escalate to the degree that even talking to someone who isn't 'on your side' is treason? Never mind that none of us have any idea what 'side' we're on!"

Everyone stared at her dumbly, but her outburst went on, "Every one of us has turned on Valerie because she wanted us to address each other politely rather than familiarly. That makes her the enemy all of a sudden? There is evil out there that is going to eat us alive if we don't have some unity here where the world is safe! Evil is getting in through the cracks, and we're only making it worse by confusing simple communication with conspiring with the enemy! Enemy? There is only one enemy. The one who makes you think that everyone else is the enemy."

She paused for a minute and looked down, "What are we all doing?" she said softly. "There are more important things for us to fight than each other. They took Lizzie from us, and they'll take more from us if we keep making it easy for them to divide and conquer. Turning on Valerie won't bring Lizzie Walker back. I miss her too. I miss her dreadfully, but don't blame Valerie Malfoy for that. That's just what the man who killed her wants."

There was a ringing silence after her speech. Everyone, including McGonagall, was staring at her wordlessly. Then Miss Malfoy herself grabbed Marissa by the shoulders and pulled her out of the door roughly. She slammed it a moment later. "Of all the unholy alliances," Marlene McKinnon, the new Gryffindor prefect, murmured into the silence.

* * *

"What the hell was that?" Valerie hissed at her. "Because it certainly wasn't your promised silence!"

"Think of it as a bonus," Marissa said back, still obviously energized from her tirade. "And I didn't break our agreement. You hadn't begun the meeting yet."

"You insufferable hypocrit!" Valerie yelled at her. "If you had faded into the background the conspiracy would have dissolved leaderless! Now they'll just appoint a new one!"

"I was never their leader!" Marissa screamed back.

"Like hell you weren't!" Valerie screamed right back at her. "Maybe you never took a position, maybe you never even encouraged them, but they all looked to you. If you had fallen silent they would have been lost little lambs that I could have led - "

"To the slaughter?"

"To order!" Valerie cried over her. Then all her anger seemed to go out of her as if she had sprung a leak. "What I can't understand is ... is that I think you would have done it anyway, even if it weren't for the conversation that we just had." She was regarding Marissa as if she were an alien species she was trying to comprehend. "And the thing that I just can't figure out is why. What am I to you but an annoyance? Why would you defend me?" She paused for a moment, perhaps waiting for Marissa to answer, but more likely not. "Or did you really believe all that blarney you just spilled?"

Marissa smiled slightly, "I think that it may be blarney that's worth believing in. Like most of the things that people hold dear to their hearts." Valerie stared at her for another long moment.

"I don't know who or what you are, Marissa Fletcher," she said then. "But you seem to be both good and stupid or a brilliant politician. Considering how many blunders you've made in the past few minutes, however, I'm going to discount the latter for the time being. I don't know what the hell you are, but Merlin help us if we ever lose you in this war."

Valerie Malfoy would realize months, years, or weeks later that it was the first time that she ever considered it a blessing that Dumbledore's side would win the war. She didn't even notice it at the time. This encounter, however, would linger. And in the time to come, when the war did lose Marissa Fletcher, it would force her to reconsider everything. At this moment, she hated Marissa Fletcher, but she also felt, strangely, that she would hate forever anyone who stood against her. Anyone who tried to destroy what she stood for. Integrity that went deeper than mere fickle honesty, friendship that was given out freely, honor that was as ancient as her bloodline was new in the world. When Marissa passed, it would change her mind.

It would be the death of her too, by the less honorable hand of her brother. But neither girl knew that now. If so, they wouldn't have known who to assign the victory to, or even if it was a victory considering that it ended in the death of both girls, all that they felt then was a mutual sense of failure in creating an alliance. But they now had a bond, though they didn't know it. Respect, unwillingly given, is sometimes the deepest tie of all. Even when they hated each other to their faces.

* * *

Miss Malfoy convened the meeting the instant that she walked back in the door and didn't so much as glance at Miss Fletcher for the rest of it. The meeting was conducted in an orderly and efficient way that the prefects who were used to Lizzie and Gideon's entertaining, witty, almost sarcastic but above all talkative style were rather taken aback by. Though few were big enough to admit it to themselves, it was pleasant to be able to get things done and get back to their lives.

Marissa and Remus walked back to Gryffindor Tower, hanging a little behind Marleen McKinnon, Caradoc Dearborn, and Alice Watterby, and Lockhart; it was the earliest they had ever gotten out of a Prefect Meeting. Remus had half expected Marissa to be full of pent up energy from having to bite her tongue the entire meeting, but then again, she was still mad at him.

"So why'd you do it?" he asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice as her prodded her. Why had she protected him? Blindly? Unquestioningly? Without even having to ask or be told? Perhaps she was still his friend after all the dust had settled.

"What, am I not allowed to talk to Valerie either?" she asked sarcastically. Or she was still mad. She sped up until she caught up with the other Gryffindors. Remus followed a minute later. So much for diplomatic relations.

* * *

"Is she really this mad that we were concerned about her?" James asked under his breath in potions class, casting a glance back at Marissa and Snape who were chatting animatedly as they sat beside their cheerfully bubbling cauldron. Both of them were casting occassional looks back at the Marauders.

James had addressed his comment to Remus and Sirius one table up, but Lily was the one who answered, "She was defending him all the way back from last year," she sighed. "I thought she was batty. That whole screaming episode I had during the O.W.L.s was so dramatic mostly because of stress but partly because I wanted to prove to her that I could be like her. I could accept people and respect their dignity too."

"And we can't?" James asked her, something of a challenge in his voice.

"Not that I've seen," Lily said tartly. "I can think of several examples, only one of which includes myself and my heart being trampled."

"Ah," James said, staring down at the table.

"It's just so wrong," Sirius said, glaring at the pair of them a dungeon away and seeming to grow much further with every laugh and smile. "I just don't understand what she's playing at."

"That's Marissa," Remus said morosely, staring at his hands. "Always has to be friends. We always knew it, we're only just having to get used to what that means."

"I don't want to get used to it," Sirius grumbled petulantly. "I want her to wise up about that slimeball."

"So do I," Lily said softly. "Unlike you boys, however, I'm smart enough to not mention that to her."

They all laughed slightly. They all knew, intellectually, that there were bigger problems to be worrying about. They had dealt with many of them not so long ago. But looking at Marissa Fletcher and Snivellus Snape, they couldn't quite see it that way. Severus Snape was the problem that could be removed. Why not focus on him?

Unfortunately, focusing on him was exactly what Marissa seemed perfectly happy to do. Snape wasn't complaining. He would realize later, of course, that this had sealed his defeat in the battle to combat his feelings for the blonde Muggleborn Gryffindor who talked nonsense constantly but occassionally burst out with something so impossibly perfect that it never left you. Egad, he was getting all sentimental now. And just because he had a cover for wanting to be around her. All just because it annoyed the Moroners, and she was loving every minute of their vexation just as much as he was.

But there was something to be said about the bond that forms between two people when they have a shared enemy. Even if it's only a temporary one.

---

©KatyMulvaneyAprilFoolsDay2005