A Chance You Only Get Once

Chapter Twenty
Why Can't We Be Friends?

Remus Lupin chased Severus Snape almost down to his dungeon classroom before he could make him stop and turn around to talk to him. "Snape, I'm no more thrilled with our new forced association than you are," Professor Lupin told him. "But like it or not, we are going to see each other and probably much more often than we did when we were students."

"Then we will be mature and calmly ignore each other," Professor Snape said simply and coldly, turning to go into his classroom. Why did people like Remus Lupin always insist on saying unnecessary words about such subjects? It was obvious that his plan was the only option. Why did people like him always have to discuss things like this?

"You really can't forgive me for something that wasn't even my fault?" Professor Lupin demanded.

Professor Snape froze; then he slowly turned, indignation and loathing written all over his face. "You think that our enmity springs from a single incident?" he hissed in a tone as icy as his expression. There was no other comparison that Professor Lupin could have made to describe the coldness in his voice and face. They were in a class all their own. "You think that the only reason I have to hate you is your hilarious little stunt in the Whomping Willow?" From the look on Professor Lupin's face, he had. Professor Snape's face assumed a sneer of contempt, "Attempted murder is only the chief crime on your rap sheet," he snarled at him. "You stole my job most recently. You stole her. And you think that this is about Sirius Black?"

"I didn't steal her from you, Snape," Professor Lupin said sharply. "Or you job for that matter."

"Oh of course not," Professor Snape snarled at him. "You only accepted at the last minute when Dumbledore was finally considering me for the position. You only took her and refused to let her be even my friend anymore."

"You made that choice, Snape. Marissa was free to associate with you all she wanted," Professor Lupin replied coldly, his tone joining the class that Professor Snape's tone and expression had formed a moment ago. It was always a mistake to bring up Marissa Fletcher when Remus Lupin and Severus Snape were in the same room, for several reasons. "And if Dumbledore chose Lockhart over you last year, I don't think that you'll ever get my job."

"Don't patronize me," Professor Snape hissed at him, taking a menacing step closer. Professor Lupin stood his ground. What Professor Snape hated more than anything else about Professor Lupin was that he still scared him. He would never tell him that, obviously, but that didn't change the fact that he did. "You didn't let her near me the moment that she chose you. You took from me the first person in my life that ever gave a damn about me. The only person that I ever loved chose you. Not because she hated me like everyone else. She actually liked me. I actually might have had a chance to be happy. But you were there. I was smarter than you. I'm better in your area of expertise and we both know it. Any equality argument you have is out the window. I'm more honest than you. I'm more everything than you. But you have some indefinable quality that made her choose you over me. You took my one chance at happiness away from me. And you think this is about you trying to kill me? No, this is because you took the only person who kept me wanting to live away from me then blamed me for her death! It would have been a mercy if James Potter hadn't chickened out of it! I curse him for that night, not you!"

Professor Lupin was silent for a full two minutes after Professor Snape's outburst. "So we will be mature and calmly ignore each other?" Professor Lupin said eventually. Professor Snape answered by going inside and slamming the classroom door in Professor Lupin's face. "I see we've already begun being mature," Professor Lupin muttered as he turned to leave.

* * *

There was a great deal of things that Remus Lupin had once thought that he would never experience. Before he had received the bite, he never would have guessed that he would spend the rest of his life as a werewolf. Before Dumbledore had become Headmaster, he had never thought he would be able to attend Hogwarts. Before second year, he never would have believed that his friends would be accepting of the fact that he was a werewolf. Before fifth year, he never would have imagined that his transformations would go from being the worst thing in his life to some of the best times he ever had.

And before five seconds ago, he never would have dreamed that he would be kissing Marissa Fletcher. It was a long and impressive list, the things in his life that he would never have expected. There were things on the list that arguably would have a bigger effect on his life. There were things that arguably meant more to him. But at this particular moment in time, this one took the cake.

And the others couldn't even compete.

Neither of them noticed when, in response to Remus's presence, the stairs began to shift into a slide under their feet. Neither noticed when they began to slide slowly back down to the Common Room. Remus only noticed that they were about to fall over enough to reach out and catch the wall to steady them. Marissa didn't notice at all.

Then Remus's sense of panic set in. This was too perfect to be true. He pulled away, holding her face just far enough away from him that he could look into her eyes, "This isn't because you - you feel sorry for me?"

"What?" she said breathlessly. "No, I've liked you for a long time."

"Then why didn't you - "

"Why didn't you?" Marissa returned with a smile.

"I see your point," he replied.

"No, that's not the point," Marissa said. "Can we get back to it?" Then they were kissing again. This time, even Remus's insecurities were momentarily silenced. Sirius Black, however, was not.

At what point Sirius Black came down the stairs and how long he remained there is a question that neither of them could ever answer. One thing that became clear rather quickly was the Remus was successfully blocking Marissa from his view. "All right Moony!" he cried loudly, clapping his hands together and making them both jump. Marissa and Remus were staring into each other's eyes, smiles growing on both their faces. Sirius was oblivious. "Right in the middle of the Common Room! Tsk tsk!"

"Did anyone ever tell you, Padfoot, that you have a real knack for spoiling the mood?" Marissa said with a laugh, still looking at Remus. Sirius Black, for the first time in anyone's memory, was speechless.

At least, for a moment. "Well," he said, putting his hands on his hips and looking remarkably like Professor McGonagall, "How long has this been going on?"

"About thirty seconds," Remus answered.

"Oh give us a little more credit than that," Marissa laughed giving him a playful shove. She turned to face Sirius, taking Remus's hand in hers.

"Well what took the two of you so long?" Sirius demanded, still doing his McGonagall impression. "I've been telling you for months - "

"We got together too soon, we got together too late, we got together in the wrong place," Marissa laughed, shrugging. "You might be right on all three counts. But, as there's only one that we can do anything about..." Marissa pulled Remus forward with a smile. He followed willingly. "I bet you know some more appropriate spots," she said with a smirk at him.

"I can think of a few places," Remus said with a smile.

"Oh really?" Marissa said, raising her eyebrows at him and folding her arms across her chest.

"I - well, Sirius tells me things - " Remus began to stammer.

Marissa laughed and quickly closed the distance between them to kiss him briefly. "You're so cute when you're being defensive," she said with a smirk, starting back out toward the exit again.

"You're always cute," Remus said, sliding his arm around her shoulders.

She relaxed back against him, "You're even cuter when you're flattering." She kissed him again as they slid out of the Portrait Hole.

"Try to make it last more than thirty seconds this time, Moony!" Sirius yelled after them. Then he shook his head after them. Two minutes into their relationship and already they were bantering like an old married couple. They were a perfect fit. And it was about bludgering time.

* * *

"I've got a se-cret," Sirius cried in a sing-song the moment that Lily came down the stairs. He was practically dancing. "And it's a great big one."

"That's nice, Sirius," Lily said with a wave of her hand. "Where's Marissa? I thought she came down a few minutes ago. She promised to come back up and get me before she left for dinner."

"Oh, she forgot all about you, Lily," Sirius said with a tremendous smirk on his face. "She went off with Remus."

"Okay," Lily said slowly. Then, all of a sudden, a smile started on her face, "Oh, no, is she up to something again? Did she drag Remus into it?"

Sirius smirked meaningfully, leaned forward conspiratorially (ignoring that they were a full room away), opened his mouth to speak, and sang, "I...'ve got a se-cret. I've got a se-cret." Lily threw her hands up in the air in frustration mostly with herself. Had she really expected a straight answer from a Marauder?

"You're impossible, Sirius!" she said, looking upwards as if appealing to heaven to deliver her from Sirius Black.

"You say that like you're surprised by it," James said impudently, coming down the stairs. Lily shot him an unappreciative look. "What's he going on about?" he nodded at Sirius who was still caroling about his secret, he was even starting to develop a dance to go along with his chant.

"He won't tell me," Lily said, obviously highly annoyed. Her hands were on her hip and, though she was not doing it intentionally, she looked remarkably like she was doing Sirius's McGonagall impersonation. James appeared to be trying very hard not to laugh.

Lily noticed. Further aggravating the situation, Sirius chose this moment to stop spinning around the Common Room and go whisper in James's ear. "Really?" James cried aloud. "You're serious?" Sirius opened his mouth wide, but James put his hand over his mouth, "Don't even. That joke is beneath you." Sirius closed his mouth but smirked happily. "But really? They were?"

"Yep, finding out secrets seems to have brought them together," Sirius said with a wink. James looked less pleased with that thought, but then that wasn't exactly hard to observe as he wasn't dancing about the Common Room like his best friend.

"When you're both done acting like I'm not even here," Lily said in annoyance. Lily hated how she acted around James Potter. She just couldn't act anywhere near her best when she was with him. Around other people she was nice and forgiving and clever and sweet, but she just couldn't act like herself around him. She couldn't decide if this was because she hated James Potter or wanted him to like her.

Both emotions were absurd. Marissa had told her that learning to trust again was a long, slow process, but sometimes even for her it seemed to take so fricking long. And in the meantime, she was about to blow if they didn't tell her what they were talking about.

* * *

"So, you go first," Marissa said, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment as they walked along. "Tell me the first person that you ever kissed."

"So apparently we're taking my comment that it's some kind of new couple rule to go over all the other people that you've liked as a suggestion," Remus said with a heavy sigh. "All right, I brought it up. As a joke, but all right." Marissa just smiled at his consternation. "But you have to guess."

"Oh I do, do I?" Marissa said as she opened the door to a seldom used classroom and looked at him for his approval. "Do I get a hint?" she asked as she plopped down on the ledge by the window.

Remus sat down next to her, and she immediately cuddled up next to him. It felt so incredible to have her there, just resting in his arms as if there were no where else in the world that she would rather be. "Yes, I'll give you a big one," he said. "She was a prefect."

"Gryffindor?" Marissa guessed.

"Naturally," Remus replied.

"Alice Watterby was the first person to kiss you?" she said, pulling away to look at him in surprise. "Does Frank know?"

"There's nothing to tell Frank," Remus replied. "It wasn't Alice."

"Ew!" Marissa squealed, pulling away automatically. "Marleen McKinnon is your first cousin!"

"That's why I'd never consider kissing her!" Remus cried defensively. "My, what a dirty mind you have, Riss. I never knew. Now you've guessed two of the four, do me a favor and don't leave it until the last guess."

"Oh, but then," Marissa stopped. "No way was that your first kiss!" she cried, staring at him. "You were way too good at it."

Remus shrugged, "I had the proper motivation, and a good teacher to make sure that I perfect the skill," with that he pulled her back to him. It was such a relief to be able to kiss her whenever he wanted now. He could just reach out and touch her, and she wouldn't mind. All those times that he had wanted to take her and just kiss her, and now he could whenever he wanted.

"You're a quick study," Marissa laughed slightly when they broke the kiss.

"No, I'm afraid I'm a terrible dunce," Remus said, shaking his head.

"I guess we just don't have any other choice," Marissa replied with a sly smile, "We're just going to have to practice until you perfect it."

She kissed him again. "We'll have to really put in the necessary time," he murmured in agreement. "Make a real commitment to quality."

"It'll be tough, but it'll have to be done," Marissa added before they kissed again.

When they came up for air again, Remus asked, "So, your turn I suppose." Not that he really wanted to know. Unless this was her first relationship too. That would be a tremendous load off of his mind, but he doubted that that was the case. He knew just how lucky he was. Marissa Fletcher was incredible.

"All right," Marissa said. "I'm not going to make you guess, because you'd never guess Lummox Lovegood."

"Lovegood?" Remus cried in surprise. She was right, he never would have guessed.

"After a Quidditch Match, that last one in fourth year, when Gryffindor beat Slytherin but Ravenclaw won the Quidditch Cup so both Houses were going crazy? We were all dancing out on the pitch, then all of a sudden, Lummox was kissing me. I put it down to random Quidditch hysteria at the time, but he asked me out the next day," Marissa said with a shrug. "I turned him down so I never told you guys. Lily thought it was cute though."

"So, who since then?" Remus asked, trying to keep any tightness out of his voice.

Marissa smiled at him, trying to ease the blow. "Actually, from there on it gets pretty interesting. Peter Pettigrew under the mistletoe this Christmas, Sirius Black this summer when he came over to my house depressed and moody, and obviously nothing came of those. They both took it pretty well when I told them not to try it again." Remus was speechless. Two of his best friends? One of whom had been saying all school year that Marissa liked him? Oh drat, this meant that Sirius had been right. He'd be insufferable for at least three weeks.

"And... and ..." Marissa was suddenly very nervous. Remus thought idly that if there was anything that was worth suffering Sirius in full-throttle "I was right and you were wrong" mood, it was having Marissa Fletcher curled up against him calling herself his girlfriend.

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"You're not going to like it," she said warningly.

"I don't like the idea of any other guy kissing you," he told her candidly. "But this really isn't a very fun game anymore."

Marissa mumbled something quietly, looking down. Now it was Remus's turn to recoil, not from her but just as a reaction to the horror he felt. "Did you just say Snivellus kissed you?"

"He surprised me behind the greenhouses, I couldn't believe it," Marissa said, defensive and stuttering. Remus stood up and started to pace the classroom. Marissa also rose to her feet, "It's not like I wanted him to, Remus. Try to calm down."

"I don't feel like it," Remus snapped. "He - he - kissed you? He just - what? Jumped you? Oh Merlin! You're Florence Copia! I was already having nightmares from that rumor when I thought it was Copia! Bertha saw you?"

Marissa looked sheepish. "I'm sorry, Remus, it's not like I wanted him to kiss me," she said, pleading. "I did want you to kiss me, if that counts for anything..." Remus smiled at her, his heart not really in it, but, a minute later when she pointed out that they had missed dinner, he put his arm around her as they walked down to the kitchens to eat. They were quiet until they sat down.

"I suppose this is our first date," Remus said with a smile as they sat a few hundred feet below their regular spots at the Gryffindor table. It was the first genuine smile since her admission.

"You think you're getting off that easy?" Marissa laughed, looking greatly relieved at his calm tone. "This is dinner. You still have to plan a first date for me, and let me tell you, it better be good."

* * *

Marissa kissed him goodnight at the bottom of the stairs, but he was still in a terrible mood when he reached the room. He was kicking things and furious. His friends (who by this time were poised on the edge of their seats ready to pounce on him with good-natured teasing) were bewildered. "Wow, that was the shortest honeymoon period ever," James remarked dryly after several awkward minutes.

"I know that I had a cold reception when I tried to kiss Riss," Sirius said, obviously expecting this to be news to him. "But she seemed much happier after yours. It was very emasculating, by the way."

"Where under the blue moon did you learn a word like 'emasculating'?" Remus asked, throwing the Snitch that James kept in the room (when he could nick it) at his pillow. It immediately came alive and began to flit about the room until it came near James who reached up and snatched it out of the air almost carelessly.

"Remus, are you feeling all right?" James asked. "You never use the word 'moon' when you don't have to. Is this about the Sirius and Peter kissing Marissa thing? Because you can punch them if it'll make you feel better."

"I'll tell you who I'd like to punch," Remus said viciously, hurling a shoe at the window which broke the glass and hurtled down to the ground.

"Um, you do know that that was yours, right?" Peter asked, glancing nervously at Remus. He hated that the thought raced through his head, how can I use this?

"I don't care!" Remus said, throwing up his hands.

"Do you want to tell us what's wrong, Remus?" James asked carefully, the first good comment that any of the Marauders had made since Remus entered.

"Snivellus jumped Riss and tried to kiss her behind the greenhouses!" Remus finally yelled. The uproar from the others was immediate. Then they completely understood his mood. Unlike Remus, however, they were not content merely with throwing things out the window.

* * *

"Well don't you look proud of yourself?" Lily teased when she came in.

"I think I have a right to be," Marissa said with a very pleased look indeed. "Three boys kissed me today." She sat down and began the pre-bed primping as if she intended to not say another word about it.

"Ah!" Lily cried, rolling off the bed and hurrying over as if she could hear better from there. "Which ones?" she asked eagerly.

"Your father, Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore," Marissa replied immediately.

Lily folded her arms across her chest and stared her friend down. Marissa smiled, "James Potter, Severus Snape and Remus Lupin," she replied, spinning around on the stool to face her best friend with a great smile on her face.

"You're dating Remus!" Lily cried joyously, grabbing her hands and jumping up and down with them. Marissa squealed and jumped up to do so with her. Then Lily stopped suddenly, "Was the second guy you said Severus Snape?" she demanded with a horrified look on her face.

"Yes, long story," Marissa said.

"I will make you tell me later," Lily warned. Then she smiled widely again and they began jumping up and down for a few more minutes.

When they stopped and settled down on their respective beds, Lily asked, "James Potter kissed you?"

"Jealous?" Marissa asked teasingly.

"Surprised," Lily clarified sternly.

"Whatever you say, Lils," Marissa laughed. "But don't worry; it was just on the cheek."

"Please tell me you meant Snape's," Lily groaned. "Otherwise I have to send you to brush your teeth for a year."

"Don't be mean, Lily," Marissa said.

"Don't think that he won't be when he finds out that you and Remus are dating," she returned.

* * *

"Okay, Padfoot, stop looking at me like that," Marissa snapped, glaring at him across the small circular table in the Divination classroom. "Right now," she said, sitting up straighter in her chair. "Sirius Black, stop it this instant or I swear I will -"

"Tell your boyfriend?" Sirius said sarcastically.

"You know, you laugh, but Remus could so beat you up," Marissa said angrily. "And he'd probably do it if I told him you made an inappropriate comment about me."

"First of all, Remus would beat me up if I forgot to say 'thank you' to you," Sirius said, looking just as angry. "But I was talking about your other boyfriend."

Marissa let a small scream of frustration that earned her the temporary attention of the Hufflepuffs who always tried to actually work while she and Sirius made fun of the subject or ignored it completely. She looked him directly in the eyes as she shouted, "Galda, tell Sirius when he's going to die!"

"June 1996," Galda said immediately, then gasped and put her hand to her mouth.

"Ha!" Marissa cried. Professor MacBone was horrified at her slip. "Serves you right!"

"You think that I take her blarney seriously?" Sirius demanded with a sneer.

Professor MacBone, who had been about to apologize, looked outraged, "I beg your pardon!" she cried shrilly.

"Oh just give me a detention and call it a day," Sirius snapped at her. Everyone was riveted to their exchange by this point. Sirius Black was irreverent and disrespectful and unruly, but he had always known where to draw the line. Until Snivellus Snape tried to kiss Marissa Fletcher. Then the fragile thread joining him to reason snapped.

"You both do," Galda said, radiating anger. "Tonight. You will get back in touch with your inner souls as you both seem to desperately need that."

"See you then," Sirius snapped, rising and making his way out of the classroom.

"I'm not done with you, Black!" Marissa shouted, rising and following after him. "Sorry, Professor. Eight o'clock?"

"Midnight, and if your auras don't clear I will keep you until morning!" she yelled after her as Marissa almost slid down the rope ladder. Marissa didn't even pause but sprinted through the tapestry that took you directly down to the Entrance Hall. Strangely, she didn't see Sirius there.

"Stupid," she murmured. "Of course he would know I'd take that way!" She plunged back down the passageway and raced at a very dangerous speed down the stairs. "Wait for me or I'll probably die crashing down these stairs!" Marissa screamed down in his direction.

"I hope Snivellus breaks your fall!" Sirius hollered back.

"Stop being so stupid you know that I only want Remus!" Marissa said, seeing his head bob into view only a few flights down. "How long can you be mad at me like this for something that I didn't even want to do?"

"As long as it takes to get that mental picture out of my head!"

"Then try to imagine him surprising me then me pushing him away and trying to let him down easy!" Marissa screamed back, "Because that's all that happened." She was careening around a turn and nearly ran right into him where he had stopped on the stairs.

"You mean like with you and me?" he asked softly.

Marissa sighed heavily. "Sirius, we're friends. And I was already falling for Remus. You didn't really want me; you just needed someone to help you forget for awhile. That's why I didn't want you to kiss me," Marissa said.

"I know all that!"

"Then you know that it's not something that Remus would be jealous of! Or something that you should be mad at me about!" Marissa cried, glaring the obstinate Sirius Black down. He was staring back at her just as hard.

"Well then it must be different with Snape because I can tell you, last night Remus was almost blind with jealousy and anger!" Sirius screamed, almost in her face now.

The anger immediately melted off of Marissa's face. "He what?" she whispered softly, surprised and worried. That, finally, calmed Sirius slightly.

"What did you think, that he wouldn't care that on the same day that you got together another guy tried to kiss you? Especially when the other guy got to you first? Especially when it's someone as - as - there aren't even words to describe it - " Sirius stopped when she started to look at him sternly for criticizing Severus. Usually, Sirius would have gone on, but he didn't want this conversation to get sidetracked. She had to understand what not settling this thing about Snape would do to Remus. "And it didn't help matters that you wouldn't walk into breakfast with him this morning because you were afraid of hurting Snape's feelings. In fact, I think he's one 'I just want to be tactful about this' away from convincing himself that you really fancy Snape and you just feel sorry for him."

"Oh," was all that Marissa could say. Sirius could tell that she had listened and knew that he was right. Remus was so convinced that this was too good to be true that he would be subconsciously looking for a way that it wasn't true after all. "Oh I didn't even think - "

"I'm tempted to say 'exactly,' but I think I can trust you instead to do everything that you can to show him that he's wrong," Sirius said. "You two belong together. You were the sweetest thing I've ever seen, practically running and jumping into each other's arms this morning. Don't let him second guess this. You could both be really happy. Don't let him screw it up because of his insecurities which, I suppose, you know the reason for now."

"Yes, I do, Padfoot," Marissa said with a small smile. "And I guess I'm too busy being giddy about my new boyfriend to think about how what I do will affect him. What a great way to start a relationship!" She laughed hollowly.

"Don't beat yourself up too much," Sirius said with a wink. "It takes several years to get used to understanding everything from Remus's self-depreciating point of view."

"At least for egomaniacs like you and James," Marissa laughed as they both started down the stairs at a more normal pace, surprised by how few flights they had left. "But seriously, you guys are undoubtedly the best friends that he ever could have found."

"Now that's too much, did you figure it out about us too or did the writer of the secrecy code himself spill his guts?" Sirius asked, throwing his hands up at the disaster he seemed to think had occurred.

Marissa laughed and started skipping down faster. "Move it along, Sirius, we've got to meet the others for History of Magic," she said gaily as she went, almost as if their dramatic encounter had not happened. If it were anyone else, he might have worried that it had been in vain by her attitude, but it was Marissa. She could shake off a mood but still not forget the conclusion that she had come to during it. She would take the necessary steps to ensure Remus knew just how lucky he really did have it (by Sirius's estimation, at least, he was one lucky dog), but she seemed also to have a kind of urgency about her lately. She shook off fights and disagreements and melancholy moods as quickly as possible when they were her own.

Sirius shook his head. He was making something of nothing. Oh well, it wouldn't be the first time. "I don't have History, Riss, and you're the only one who likes that class," Sirius said, walking down in a calm, steady, almost stately way that he had learned in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black was the proper way to descend a flight of stairs. He didn't even notice it anymore.

Marissa, who at an early age had learned mischief and a good measure of frivolity to be used whenever possible from her mother, skipped lightly down them with a laugh.

* * *

"I can't believe you got called down in Binn's class," Lily was laughing and highly enjoying herself. "Does he realize that you're the only student who consistently bothers to pay attention? Who actually likes his class? And he sent you and Remus to opposite sides of the room! I thought I'd die trying not to laugh!" Lily certainly wasn't making the slightest effort on that front now.

"At least you tried," Marissa said with a mock-glare at Peter who had had to duck out of the classroom momentarily (though of course, Binns hadn't even noticed that). "And it wasn't like we were kissing or anything!" Marissa continued defensively.

"Next time, honey," Remus said with a laugh, slipping his arm around her waist and pulling her to his side. She slipped her arm around his back, giving him a mock-glare of his own. They entered the Great Hall like that, all of them still laughing and Marissa in Remus's arms. Severus Snape looked over at them, at the way that Marissa looked lit up inside just looking at Remus, and snarled silently. Fine. Then let it be war on you both.

* * *

Remus actually handled his first close encounter with Severus Snape fairly well. Snape handled Study of Ancient Runes well also. Lily seemed far more uncomfortable than either of the boys, looking between them constantly as if expecting them to both suddenly rise from their chairs and start dueling.

Their relationship seemed nearly unchanged. It had never exactly been warm.

Marissa's and Snape's, however, had obviously changed drastically. It might have been that way anyway after the attempted kiss, but the fact that she had started dating Remus sealed the schism. Snape obviously had no desire to reconcile. His anger and bitterness had reached new levels, far worse than when he had been trying to drive her off. It had been too forced then, and she could see through it. Now, she knew that there was nothing but fury and pain and an uncompromising dislike behind his nastiness.

Snape's movements were jerky, and his gaze was almost frightening in its closed intensity. He was glowering. His grip on anything he held even momentarily was so tight that his knuckles instantly turned white. He hadn't even looked at the board for the instructions since the first glance at the beginning of class.

"Severus, I think you're gripping - " Marissa said, looking at the way he was holding the delicate the Kelpie brain.

"Don't call me Severus!" he snarled at her in a furious hiss, squeezing the brain heedlessly. "You are not my friend. You were never my friend."

"Don't be like that, Whatever-I'm-Allowed-To-Call-You-Now," Marissa said with a pointed look of her own. "And definitely don't take it out on the Kelpie brain. They're expensive and we only get one."

Snape dropped it unceremoniously into the cauldron although it was suggested that they slice it thinly before adding it. "You think that this is just a mood? That I'm only angry?" he asked icily. "You don't know me at all. You never did. I do not allow my mood to affect everything about my life like you and those idiot boys do. I was stating pure fact. We were never friends. You found me an amusing psychological project and you were my potions partner whose company was repeatedly forced on me."

"Then why did you help me back to Gryffindor Tower that night?" Marissa said. "If you only talked to me when you couldn't avoid it? If you didn't like me in the least?" She was staring at him stubbornly, daring him to look at her. He was just as stubborn if not more.

"Do not patronize me again, it is bad enough that you did it once," he snarled at her, slicing clean through Kappa bone marrow with one swing of the knife. "You think that I do not know that the entrance to Gryffindor Tower is a portrait? You think that I did not know you were lying to me? Do not pretend you have never lied to me. And that was one thing I did promise you I would never do. Not because I particularly like you, but because I hate all liars."

"And you aren't lying to yourself now?" Marissa said. "Whether or not you want to continue being my friend, don't deny that we were."

"That would be lying to myself," Snape hissed in reply. "Did you ever seek out my company before we were forced on each other as potions partners? Did you ever sit with me in the Courtyard during breaks?" He turned and looked at her, a cold and frozen fury radiating out of him. "You were only my friend when you had to be. And as for me? I tolerated you, made conversation with you because I knew that resistance would only lead you to more drastic measures that I did not want to endure. What happened behind the greenhouses was simply the biological necessity resulting from the combination of teenage hormones and you being a member of the opposite sex who did not appear repulsed by me. That is all. And as you were repulsed by me after all. I do not see why you feel the need to pretend that you care now."

"Severus," Marissa began.

"Don't you dare!" he snarled at her, aloud and not in the whispers that they had been using so as not to draw attention to themselves in the middle of the delicate potions projects.

"Severus," Marissa continued, still in a low volume although they were already beginning to draw the attention of their classmates. "Just because my heart was taken doesn't mean that I don't care about you at all."

"I thought that I told you not to lie to me," Snape said, loudly again. "If you cared about me," he hissed quietly. "If you thought about my feelings at all, you wouldn't have paraded your new relationship so soon after my fumbling overture, now would you? You didn't consider how it would affect me. You don't care about me, Fletcher, and I'm getting tired of your charade."

"I'm sorry you didn't come along soon enough, Severus, but my heart was already claimed when I started talking to you," she said, anger beginning to color her tone as well. "I couldn't give it to you just because you had a biological imperative! It's no reflection on our friendship that I couldn't translate it into a love affair for you. I don't love you, but that doesn't have to mean that I hate you." She was talking more loudly now too, blood rushing in her ears from the pure frustration of the conversation. "It wasn't a lie. And I'm sorry, but I'm not going to hide the fact that Remus and I are dating from you!"

"You couldn't have waited a day?" Snape yelled. "You, however erroneously, thought that I had sincere feelings for you and you seemed to take pleasure in what would have crushed them if they existed! And you want to claim that you've been my friend throughout this? If this is friendship then I haven't been missing anything!"

"I didn't do this to hurt you!" Marissa screamed back. "Don't make my relationship look mean! This was not done to you! This was not done because of you! This was not done because of anything having to do with you! And I certainly wasn't going to give it up because you had some sort of biological imperative behind the greenhouses!"

"Wait a fricking day!" Severus hollered over her. "Or are you too much of a tramp even for that?"

Then they both saw Remus moving toward them at a run. Marissa threw herself at him, trying to hold him back. "No, no, don't," Marissa cried. She turned to look at him, "It's not worth it. You don't want to get in trouble over this. He's just angry."

"And what a wonderful friendly thing to say," Snape hissed at her triumphantly. "That I'm not worth it. Well, thank you Marissa Fletcher. You have proved yourself a hypocrite once again. You have proved me right all these years to think Gryffindors a pathetic, hypocritical and mean-hearted crowd. It's good to know that I was right." He started to walk out. "And I am angry, Fletcher, but your pathetic psychological profiling doesn't have the slightest idea why. So I'll tell you: it's because you almost had me thinking that there was something halfway decent in your fallen House. I'll hate myself forever for that thought."

Remus had his arms around Marissa from behind, holding her protectively as Snape stormed toward the door. Was no one staying in class today? "I didn't want to hurt you, Severus," Marissa told him, unable to just let him walk away.

"I thought I told you when we met, Fletcher," he said, "I hate liars."

* * *

Snape was having a horrible day. He had detention from Delacour and had lost the only person who came close to being a friend all in one fell swoop. And the worst part was that Marissa Fletcher wasn't true. All of the things that had fascinated and disturbed him hadn't been real at all but illusions. Snape hated illusions that were not of his making. What he really hated was that he understood illusions. He understood lies. He understood secrets. He hadn't understood Marissa Fletcher, and he still didn't. But he still wanted to. After all of that, he only wanted to more.

Snape was in the library attempting to bury himself in his research books. His research was fascinating even with the somewhat watered-down books available in the Hogwarts Library. Snape was actually beginning to warm to his subject when he sensed someone sit down across from him. Alarm bells should have gone off immediately. It was an awkward time for librarying as classes were over and nothing could be due immediately.

But Snape was so consumed with fighting off all thoughts of that pathetic Mudblood and so pleased with his apparent success, that he didn't think anything of the companion at his table. The library couldn't possibly have been so busy that someone had to sit next to Severus Snape.

But James Potter had chosen to. And James Potter's patience expired more quickly than Severus Snape's ignorance. "'Lo, Snivellus," he opened diplomatically.

Snape's head jerked up, and he nearly drew his wand on Potter. He reconsidered when he took a quick glance around his surroundings and merely snarled, "Get away from me before I hex you into a thousand pieces."

"Do you really expect that threat to work?" James drawled, obviously highly amused. He loved having leverage over Snape. Snape hated Potter thinking that he knew anything about him. He didn't. That stupid flibbertigibbet didn't, and Potter definitely didn't. "You've been trying for years and here I stand, with absolutely nothing wrong with me for all that I can see."

"Then I suppose you are blind," Snape hissed, picking up his book and planning on ignoring Potter's mind-blowingly frustrating presence as he had obviously come by only for a meaningless exchange of words. If there was one thing that Snape hated more than anything else it was unnecessary words. Why couldn't people just say and do what they meant and have done with it?

"And just about everyone else in the world as well," James said ponderingly, not perturbed in the least by Snape's hostile words. He was refusing to rise to the meager bait Snape had dangled. He was here for a reason. Snape could guess it, and he really didn't want to have this highly unnecessary conversation with James Morgan Potter.

"Including, unfortunately for her, the very blinded Fletcher," Snape said. "Tell me, she couldn't have you obviously because you're obsessed with convincing that other Mudblood that she, like nearly every other brainless girl in the school, should be madly in love with you. But why then did she settle for Lupin? It would be one of your group of Moroners that she turned to, but why not Black? He's more in your revolting image. At least losing to him I would have felt that I had lost to a rival. But to lose to the most pathetic of your little friends? Pettigrew may not be in your league talentwise, but Lupin is the weakest. Trying so hard to be sensitive and understanding all the while part of the most destructive and mean-spirited clique at Hogwarts. At least the rest of you know what you are and chose it."

James was nearly suffocating from having to hold back his anger at all the things that Snape had said for which James wanted to hex him into pieces so small that none could ever be found. He found his calm and his restraint, however, and went on calmly as if Snape had not spoken at all, "Well, you know we all love Marissa. Great friend and all that." Snape made a dissenting noise in his throat that took all of James's questionable maturity to ignore. "But we've known for a long time that she and Remus were right for each other. And we decided about the same time that we wouldn't let anything get in their way. Remus still thinks that if he blinks wrong this will all go away. But even if something that small could, we Marauders are all ready to keep anything from happening to them."

"You consider me a threat?" Snape sounded highly amused now.

"Actually, no," James replied immediately. "Not in the sense that you could take Marissa away from Remus. You could, however, make things difficult for them and cause them all kinds of minor problems trying. However, they both deserve to be happy now without having to work at it. So I'm giving you this warning, Snivellus, stay away from them. Or a horror you cannot even imagine will befall you."

"Forgive me if I in turn consider that an empty threat," Snape said, turning back to his book pointedly.

"You shouldn't," James said quietly, and Snape noticed over the top of the pages that James was twirling his wand around in his hands. There were sparks emanating out of it and, even, out of James himself. Snape hated the sudden fear that struck his heart at the thought of James Potter truly and finally unleashed. "And I don't think that you will."

With that, James stood up and walked out of the library without a second glance, a glow of power still enveloping him. Stupid Potter. If Marissa had fallen for him it would be one thing. Fear was a kind of respect and that would have cushioned this blow even if it was Potter. There was nothing in Remus Lupin to inspire fear.

* * *

"Good evening, Pettigrew."

"It's nighttime, Karkaroff."

"So it is."

Shoot. Peter didn't have time for this. Well, actually, that was a lie, but he was beginning to think that those were a way of life lately. Peter actually had nothing to do tonight with Remus and Marissa off on their first date and James and Sirius tagging along to watch them. Peter didn't have the stomach to spy on them yet. So he had absolutely nothing to do, and it was an ideal time to have a discussion without them ever knowing, but Peter did not want to talk to Igor Karkaroff about his task.

Not that he dared to not go, however. He had been on his way out from a solitary dinner and been greeted by Karkaroff as he passed the Slytherin table. Karkaroff was good, Peter noticed, for he greeted just about everyone as they were leaving that evening, and he was seated on the far outside of the table. It was almost as if he had known that Peter would be eating alone tonight. Peter wouldn't have put it past those Death Eaters either.

So he went directly to the broom closet nearest the Entrance Hall and waited. He waited for a very long time before he realized that almost no one but the Marauders and Benjy Fenwick knew about this broom closet. Someone like Karkaroff would think that it was another one farther along another passage. Merlin! Now he was late!

"What kept you?" Karkaroff demanded.

"Wrong broom closet," Peter said simply, fumbling and nervous.

"Idiot."

Disgust suddenly welled up in him, "You're a prefect Karkaroff. And you're a - a -"

"Interesting that you can't even say it yet you are well on your way to becoming one," Karkaroff said contemptuously. "Not that he would ever make you a Death Eater if you don't get some sense in you. And yes, I am a prefect. But all that that means is that I am an embodiment of the virtues of my House and a natural leader. Think of the Slytherin virtues: ambition, resourcefulness, distaste for ridiculous rules... I am merely fulfilling them. I am ambitions; I want power in this war. I am resourceful; I pick the winning side that can do more for me. I do not care about the silly laws about not breaking any eggs and still expecting an omelet. Yes, Pettigrew, I am a Death Eater."

"What do you want from me this time?" Peter demanded. "Their class schedules?"

"No, information on the Mudblood," Karkaroff said coldly.

"Don't call her that!" Peter screamed at him. "She's your fellow prefect! She spends so much time with you every week in those blasted meetings! Surely by now you should see what she is - "

"What she is is a Mudblood, and although I don't expect a halfblood like yourself to understand that, that will always be what matters most," Karkaroff cut him off. "And don't think that it's only with the good families. The Ministry, all the industries really. They all hate Mudbloods. Now, we can skip her vital statistics, those are well known."

"Why do you want to know about Marissa?" Peter asked, his heart sinking lower and lower by the second. He had reconciled himself to betraying his friends, but Marissa? He still had all the same feelings. The fact that she didn't return them didn't erase his own. Could he betray everyone that he loved? Would he have to eventually? Would Voldemort leave him nothing?

Of course he would. Did Peter actually expect mercy from the man who had cut down Lizzie Walker just to try to get to Gideon Prewett? A mild threat in the large scheme of things however many plots he overturned? "I do not, the Dark Lord does. And he does not feel the need to share his reasons with you," Karkaroff answered him coldly.

"Nice to know where I stand," Peter muttered.

"Marissa Fletcher, Pettigrew, before I start to grow a beard."

"She and her father never got along," Peter said, hoping that at least they wouldn't attack her family, taking great care not to even mention her brother. "Ever since her mother died when Marissa was six."

"From?"

"The Dark Lord really cares about - "

"It is not your job to decide what the Dark Lord cares about. It is merely your job to give him all the information that he requests."

"Trying to give birth to her second child. Dead." Peter hoped that Karkaroff thought that he meant the baby rather than the mother. How much had the other prefects been told about the Mundungus Incident last year?

"Address?"

Peter sighed heavily. But then he told Karkaroff all that the Dark Lord might want to know about Marissa Fletcher, with only a very few exceptions, one of which was the address.

* * *

Marissa was sitting in Remus's lap in the Common Room chatting on a sofa by the fire after their first date. Peter and Sirius were playing chess with grim, determined looks on their faces, glaring at each other challengingly after every move. Lily and James were watching them, each coaching their own player, hurting rather than helping most of the time. The rest of the House was doing homework or merrily talking to friends. In the far left corner, a game of Exploding Snap ended with a tremendous bang. Everyone laughed then returned to their conversations. It was a cheery Wednesday night in the safety of the Common Room and everyone was relaxing or studying frantically.

"I know that you want to ask, Remus, just go ahead and I'll tell you," Marissa said more seriously than before. It had been a subtle bid for the information, but Marissa hardly needed things spelled out for her with Remus. "What do I see in Severus Snape, right?" she said for him when he didn't answer.

Remus nodded, "And all the Slytherins. We're not all prejudiced in this House, but we don't like the Slytherins and have all had our scuffles with them. But not you."

"Until today," Marissa pointed out.

"Congratulations, you officially became a Marauder," Remus said with a small smile.

"Well, I suppose I don't dislike the Slytherins because I understand them," Marissa answered thoughtfully. She took her hands from around Remus's neck and waved one around until a coin appeared in it. "You know that I was planning on becoming a Muggle magician before I came to Hogwarts and found out that I could be, in a sense, a real one?"

"You told me how much a magician at a birthday party cheered up Mundungus once when your dad had been rough on the both of you," Remus remembered well. He remembered everything that she had ever told him. "And once you started learning it you really liked it."

"Well, what is a magician?" Marissa asked. "And what is a Slytherin? Someone who always has something up their sleeve," she said, pulling her wand out of thin air. "Someone who knows the fine art of distraction," she said, showing her hands suddenly empty of the coin and the wand. She pulled on Remus's tie and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, and pulled the wand out of his tie as she pulled away. "Who always keeps you guessing, keeps you looking at this hand," she twirled the wand in her right hand. "While the other is busy with their secret plans," she pulled a coin out from behind his ear with her left. "Ambition, resourcefulness, a master plan that only you know, an infinite amount of tricks up your sleeve ready to be pulled out at a moment's notice..." She smiled at him. "Magicians are very Slytherin you might say."

"You're not a Slytherin, Marissa," Remus told her simply.

"I know," Marissa replied. "But I'm not their polar opposite either."

"I still don't like the idea of Snivellus - " he stopped when she frowned but she just sighed and nodded for him to continue, "Snape kissing you."

"It's not like I let him," Marissa said softly. "If you remember, I chose to kiss you."

"Mind-boggling that," Remus laughed, putting his arms around her waist. "So what are your secrets, Master Magician?" he asked with a smirk on his face.

"Oh now, I wouldn't be a very good magician if I told you, would I?" she laughed. "And if I stopped being a magician, I'd lose a lot of the things that you like about me, and I don't know what I'd do if you stopped liking me Remus." She kissed him again, longer than the peck she had a moment ago.

"Hello! You're not alone!" Sirius called out loudly, pushing the board away after Peter declared a checkmate. "See the Common Room full of people?"

"And apparently we're not alone even when we're supposedly off by ourselves," Remus called back sourly. Marissa just laughed. "You damn voyeurs!"

"They were quiet until the very end, give them that," Marissa laughed good-naturedly. "I suppose you could also say they just want to see their friends happy?" she said, stretching playfully. Remus shot her a look but positively glared at James and Sirius.

"Or they thought it would be funny to spy on us; they've done it before, you know, just at random times watching us walk to and from Prefects Meetings like we're their personal entertainment," Remus muttered.

"You've been what?" Lily cried shrilly. "How could you do that?" At first she had whirled on both of them, but she seemed to be zeroing in on James Potter. "To two of your best friends? Your biggest advocate? How could you invade their privacy like that?"

"Actually, it was rather disappointing how little they were doing that they would have needed privacy for," James said. "It was a waste of a good romantic setting that they were just talking in." He was smirking, shaking his head at Remus.

"Don't demean their relationship!" Lily shouted at him, her voice gaining volume and pitch as she went on. "How could you betray their trust of you like that? Do you realize that you've probably ruined the rest of their dates? They'll be constantly looking over their shoulders now!"

"Lily, they know better than to do it twice, believe me," Marissa called in a voice that seemed deliberately rather than naturally amused. "After the reflexive hexes that we both hit them with when they announced their presence."

"They still shouldn't have been following you around in the first place!" Lily yelled. "You are such an idiot, James! Why would you invade their privacy? The whole school is not put here for your entertainment. You do not have a right to rule over or spy on other people's lives!"

"Lily, you're making a scene," Marissa tried.

"I'm making a dramatic exit," Lily fired back, marching toward the stairs and going up into the Girls Dormitory.

Marissa gave Remus a quick kiss on the cheek and rose to her feet, "Good night, darling. It was a lovely evening." Then she hurried after Lily up the stairs. Lily wasn't one of those who liked to brood alone. She liked to be angry with someone there. She didn't see the point in raging at a wall.

Indeed, Marissa found the door to their room wide open. She shut it when she went inside. She didn't see Lily angrily fuming, however, she saw her in a ball on her bed staring off into space. Marissa walked over cautiously and sat down on the bed next to her. "What's going on?"

"I can't take this anymore, Riss," Lily said quietly. "I hate what I turn into around him." She was silent a moment longer before she burst out. "I hate who I become. I'm something ugly and mean and angry the moment that I get near him. I can't help it. I've tried being his friend, I've tried ignoring it, I've tried to fight it. I'm tired of fighting."

Marissa sighed. They all were. Every one of them was tired of fighting something. Lily had to be assaulted with another battle every day and nearly every minute. James Potter. She believed that he had betrayed her once, and now anger and James were linked in her mind.

"I can't do it anymore," Lily murmured. Then, for the first time in her conversation, she looked Marissa in the eyes. "Well, I suppose I can, but I don't like who it's turning me into. I don't like the person that I am when I'm around him. I turn mean and spiteful and ugly. I don't like being that person."

"Are you still mad at him?" Marissa asked gently.

Lily shifted, her eyes focusing inward as if looking for the answer. "I was happy and he took it away, but it's been two years. He was my friend for four years before that, a friendship that I treasured second only to yours. I felt like I knew him inside out, and we were comfortable with each other. We were friends. I'd have forgiven him by now if it weren't that ..." Lily trailed off into silence, still thinking even as she spoke. "Well, I suppose I have forgiven him for the whole Sirius mess. It was a stupid and selfish and it ended that easy, close friendship that we had. But that was exactly it. He ended that friendship that meant so much to me, and he doesn't want it back.

"He can't have loved me back when he was fourteen," Lily went on. "He liked me, that I'll admit. But ever since then, I'm a prize. Sirius left me, even though we were fairly happy with each other, to pave the way for James. After that selfless display, James couldn't change his mind. He was locked into the choice he had made when he was fourteen and barely knew what love even meant. Now I'm like a unicorn to him, the uncatchable creature that must therefore always be pursued. The thing is, I'm not even necessarily a unicorn that he wants anymore. He just can't make Sirius's sacrifice mean nothing by giving up on me."

"James can't just be friends with you now," Marissa agreed. "But maybe it is because he doesn't want only friendship from you any more."

"All I want is that great friendship that we had back," Lily sighed. "I miss him, I miss him so much, and that great friendship we had was wrecked all just because when he was fourteen he decided that he might like me and Sirius decided that James liked me more than he did. Then we got locked on one path that won't let us have back what we had. And whenever I look at him it just makes me so mad and I hate that I still know him so well and I can't be friends with him like we were because he'd jump on any overture as a chance to try to stick his tongue down my throat. And not even because he wants to, because he has to convince himself that he does."

"Lils, I think that you have accomplished the impossible," Marissa said with a small smile. "You are as insecure and self-depreciating as Remus Lupin."

Lily threw a pillow at her, "I hate what it does to me to be around him!" she cried louder. "You asked why, and I told you! Are you satisfied that it's not something that I can change? That I can't stop being angry that he and I can't be friends? That we never can be? That 'getting to know him better' won't make it easier to be around him but harder?"

"Yes, I understand, Lils," Marissa said seriously.

"Then can you understand why I can't do it anymore?" Lily said, unfolding her legs and flopping back on the bed. "I turn into such a hateful person around him and that's just not who I want to be."

Marissa lay back next to her. "Yes, we don't have to be around him so much," she told her calmly.

"Thank you," Lily said, sounding now as if she were going to cry. Marissa looked over and, sure enough, a tear was rolling down one of Lily's cheeks. "Do you know what really stinks about this? I'm going to miss him."

There was a long pause before Lily asked, "What about Remus? How can you not be around the Marauders as much when your new boyfriend is one of them?"

"We'll figure it out, Lils," Marissa promised, closing her eyes and surrendering to the tiredness in her body. A few minutes later, Lily did too and soon both girls were asleep on Lily's bed.

That was how the sextet became two trios. Lily, Marissa and Remus began to take their meals separately from the other three Marauders. Occasionally, Remus and Marissa would join the other Marauders while Lily ate with the Gryffindors in fifth and seventh years or Sirius and Peter would join Remus and the girls. Sometimes they could even be all together. The norm, however, was a fragmented group with the ties that still bound them having to burrow deeper and deeper for water.

The Marauders were still the Marauders and still spent most of their time together. In classes, it was impossible to avoid variations based on who took which N.E.W.T. courses. However, in the Common Room and Great Hall, where they could have all been together, they broke apart.

When this world and this grouping at last fell apart, Lily felt deprived of the ties of this group and clung to the decayed and nearly broken tie to the friend she had once held nearly as close as the friend she lost. She found, to no one's surprise more than he, that it was still strong. That left Remus very much alone. With this break, the shattering of the Marauders had begun. The process was too slow for any of them to truly notice, so the cracks went unrepaired.

And throughout this, the man who would eventually shatter them so thoroughly that the pieces could never be put back together watched and told all to the man who would try to break them. The man who still loved them, still cared about them, still needed them, watched the cracks form and did nothing. And eventually, he began to see the cracks working to his advantage and made sure that they spread.

©KatyMulvaney4/10/2004