How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony

How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony

Part 6: Professor Snape's Panic Button

Dumbledore nodded and continued, "Well, as you might imagine, there was much confusion where Professor Snape's loyalties were concerned."

Harry interrupted him--again. "Earlier you said that Snape had another task. What was it? Tell me that Hermione didn't fall for all this."

"Stupid Potter!" Draco snarled. "This is the very reason no one ever tells you anything! You. Are. An. Idiot."

Harry immediately hurled a lemon drop at Draco, hitting the blond in the eye.

"Bloody ponce, I think you took my eye out," Draco said, entirely too casual.

"Now, Harry, that really was quite the rudest thing you've done today," Ron replied. "'Suppose Draco and I should go take a bathroom break now, then?"

Dumbledore grinned. "Excellent idea. Five minute intermission everyone."

"INTERMISSION!" Harry was livid. "No! Finish the damned tale now!"

"Very well," Dumbledore smirked. "Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Weasley, you may go. Prepare the students for this evening. Oh, and have your eye checked, Mr. Malfoy."

The two boys scurried off, leaving Harry in Dumbledore's office.

"Now, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore began. "Everyone took off their clothes. The end."

"What was that suppose to be?" Harry snapped.

"The ending."

Harry snorted. "That wasn't the whole story."

The Headmaster raised a brow. "Now you want details?"

Harry only glared so the elderly man continued on. "Well, there was the mishap at the Council meeting..."

"Mishaps?"

"Yes, it seems our students' parents had gotten word of Miss Granger's nudist campaign."

Harry moved to the edge of his seat. "Oh, really?"

Back at the Great Hall. Nine hours, forty-three minutes, ten seconds after Hermione gained many admirers.

Hermione tapped her foot on the floor impatiently. She was certain that the next half hour would be extremely important to their cause. People would look back on this Council meeting and see the right in what her followers were doing. They would see that house elves deserve respect and freedom as well as all other thinking creatures. They would see Professor Snape's wisdom in his obtuse suggestion and Hermione's Gryffindor bravery in stripping herself bare. They would see--

"Shoes."

Hermione's eyes shot to Ginny Weasley. Ginny was giggling uncontrollably and pointing in the direction of the hall's entrance. Hermione immediately found the source of the red head's entertainment.

Pansy Parkinson was walking her way, wearing stilettos and carrying a fashionable handbag. However, she was still nude as was everyone else in the room. Pansy pranced up to Ginny, a smug frown on her face.

"What's so funny?" she snared.

"Why are you wearing shoes? We're nudist now, remember?" Ginny replied.

"We were only told not to wear clothing. Heels are not classified as clothing. Plus, they make your calves look much better--you should really try them." Pansy put her hands on her hips, striking a pose.

"Please! Nudist don't need shoes--especially shoes with a matching handbag," Ginny replied.

Pansy turned to Hermione. "What do you think?"

Hermione made a face that either meant the house elves were cooking tuna surprise or that she simply didn't wish to point out the obvious. "Well...They are a bit out of place."

Pansy let out an animalistic grow. "You're just saying that because you like Ginny better than you do me!!!"

"Now, now." Hermione tried to calm the two girls but Ginny's face was already the color of a beet.

"How dare you!!! Hermione is our leader! She would never be swayed to lie about our cause over a matter of shoes! Stripping is more important than that!"

Pansy was livid. "So now you're saying that I don't care about our cause because I'm wearing a very trendy pair of stilettos. Next you'll be saying that earrings are foolish and that I'm a Knicker Hugger for having jewelry!"

Ginny grinned. "Well, if the shoe fits."

"YOU!!!" Pansy leapt, taking Ginny down. The two tossed and tumbled, ripping out bits of hair and scratching each other in a furious cat fight. Hermione was quite sure she heard feline hisses.

Hermione turned, noticing that the entire hall was now watching Ginny and Pansy. Included in the crowd were Draco and Ron, both with heads cocked and mouths half open as they watched the two girls continue to fight. Blaise stepped between them offering them popcorn and taking bets on who would win.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Honestly."

"This is. . . . Wicked," Ron breathed.

"I know," Draco sighed. "Is there anyway we can provoke them into fighting every day."

Ron grinned dreamily. "Couldn't be that difficult."

"RON! DRACO!" The two boys jumped at Hermione's call. "Separate them before they hurt one another," she continued.

Ron nodded glumly. He and Draco approached the girls, carefully grabbing them by the elbows to hold back. The girls continued to struggle.

"Ladies, honestly, this is a stupid fight. You're fussing over the right to wear shoes!" Ron said, holding tightly to Pansy's arms.

Draco nodded, taking up where Ron left off. "Really! It's as stupid as fighting over the right to wear a hat!"

Ron frowned. "Now, that's different, Draco. A hat serves a purpose. It hides bed head and keeps the sun out of your face and. . . ."

"OH, please, you're as bad as Pansy! A nudist wearing a hat would be dumb," Draco sneered.

"Oh, really?" Ron's face pinkened.

"Yes, really," Draco snapped.

"Well. . . Well, I don't think you should criticize Pansy for wearing shoes! And. . . . And hats are wicked with or without clothing!" Ron let go of Pansy, and Draco released a squealing Ginny.

"I criticize who ever I wish, including you and your pimpled cheeks!"

Ron looked confused. "I don't have pimples on my face."

Draco grinned evilly. "No, not on you face."

Ron tackled Draco and the two began to throw punches in every direction. Pansy and Ginny started fighting once again and thus chaos was born.

Hermione felt a headache coming on. She couldn't think of a worse possible time for the most vital members of the Flashing Brigade to lose their tempers. The meeting would begin in minutes! Sure, the two young men fighting in front of her were quite tempting and very entertaining. After all, they were sweating and flushing in anger and tumbling on the ground. Hermione sighed.

"Erotic, isn't it?" said a voice.

Hermione jumped. Professor Snape was standing beside her, watching the fights.

"What did you say?" she asked.

Snape turned to her with a raised brown. "'Ironic, isn't it?' Why, what did you think I said?"

Thankfully, Hermione did not have to answer that question. At that very moment, Dumbledore and the Knicker Huggers--ehem--the rest of the faculty arrived. The fully clothed individuals kept their wary eyes on the floor, trying to avoid seeing the usually hidden parts of their students' anatomies. McGonagall, with her sixth sense to detect troublemakers, did not even have to look up to shout at the fighting students.

"Miss Parkinson! Miss Weasley! Mr. Weasley! Mr. Malfoy! Please restrain yourselves!!! Twenty points from Gryffindor and Slytherin for fighting in the Great Hall--and subtract another ten for fighting while unclothed."

Dumbledore looked up at Hermione and gave Severus a suspicious wink. The old headmaster smiled kindly. "Well, Miss Granger, it seems that you have transformed the Great Hall into a Council room."

"Yes, Headmaster," Hermione answered. Rebellion streaked across her face. "I must warn you, Headmaster. I do not plan for you to leave this room with your robe on."

McGonagall made a very strange noise behind Dumbledore.

Dumbledore smiled. "Honestly, neither do I."

McGonagall promptly fell backwards onto a naked first year.

Hermione's face lit up. "Headmaster, are you serious? Do you truly wish to join our cause?"

Dumbledore opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a loud thud--and this time it was not a fainting McGonagall. Every eye was averted to the now open main doors. Several unexpected guests peered inside. There were only a few precious moments of silence before all Hell broke loose on Hogwarts.

The Parents had arrived.

"What the bloody hell's going on here?"

"Where's my baby?"

"Dumbledore, I'll have your job for this!"

"Is Severus Snape naked?"

"Everyone's bloody naked!"

"Has everyone gone nutters!?"

"So the rumors are true!"

"I'm suing for sexual and mental abuse!"

"This is just wrong."

"Damn," Professor Snape commented. "Word must have leaked out. That's it. We're ruined. I might as well throw away my degree in advanced potions. My career is over!"

Hermione slapped her professor across the face. "Snap out of it, man!"

Snape held his stung cheek. "Sorry. . . I don't know what came over me." A moment passed. "You slapped me!"

Hermione frowned. "Professor, I think we have discovered your panic button."

While Snape was looking completely perplexed, the parents charged. The Malfoys made their way down the center, flanked by the Weasleys and a very disturbed Ms. Longbottom. The Grangers and several other families fell close behind. The hall erupted in even more chatter as several students received lectures and pinched ears from their concerned guardians.

"Excuse me." Dumbledore held his hand in front of him. Surprisingly, the group quieted. All eyes were on the Headmaster.

Lucius Malfoy was next to speak. "How could you allow something like this to happen? Do you understand what this could do to my son's reputation!?"

"Things are not quite as they seem, Lucius," Dumbledore commented.

"I walk in to find Draco tussling on the floor with a Weasley. Nude. And you are trying to tell me that things are "not quite as they seem"?" Lucius hissed, his voice dangerously low.

Dumbledore smiled politely. "The school was preparing for a meeting to discuss this nudity situation. Would you like to sit in? I'm quite sure that can be arranged. Miss Granger was just about to go over the reasons behind this new nudist trend."

"This should be enlightening," Lucius hissed.

Hermione looked confident. She took a deep breath, put her hands on her hips and began. . . .