How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony

How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony

Part 4: Snake Out of the Bag

Dumbledore paused. "Well?"

Harry raised a brow yet again. "Well, what?"

"Well aren't you enraged, I think he means," Ron explained.

"Yeah, aren't you amazed that Granger lied to a teacher? Hell, I was." Draco smiled wickedly. "Not that I had anything against it, of course."

Harry did indeed look amazed. "I'm at a bloody school filled with bloody nudists, and my friend telling a lie--the same friend who started this bloody nudist rally for house elf rights--is suppose to shock and amaze me?! I'm way past SHOCK AND AMAZEMENT right now, thank you very much, straight Malfoy!"

"I was just asking," Draco sneered.

"Yeah, Harry," Ron put in, "that's no reason to yell at Draco."

"I don't need an excuse to yell at a Slytherin!" Harry erupted.

"Slytherin?" Ron asked. "Oh, the Headmaster hasn't gotten to the part where. . ."

"On with the tale," Dumbledore interrupted. "Where was I? Oh, yes, back to the dungeon. . . ."

The Dungeons. Exactly six hours, thirty-seven minutes, and fifty-four seconds after initiation of project Birthday Suit.

Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, and Ginny Weasley stood before the door to Professor Snape's office. The rest of the Flashing Brigade had decided not to try their hands (and other various body parts) at converting the potion's master. Hermione was ashamed to say that Ron would not be joining them in the dungeons. He had backed out of the latest mission after Pansy Parkinson had decided to make protest signs for their final stand. ("I got to work out some *ahem* house relations," Ron had gushed.)

"I can't believe that git dropped us!" Ginny shouted, crossing her arms.

Draco put a hand on her shoulder. "You shouldn't talk about your brother that way. He's serving the cause, just not in the dungeons."

"Wimps," Ginny hissed. "You know, he's snogging Parkinson somewhere."

"I don't have a problem with that," Draco replied. "I think I got the better deal."

Hermione turned to the two with a raised brow. "What? Is seeing Snape the better deal, Draco?"

Draco grinned wickedly. "Not how I see it."

Ginny squealed and jumped, putting a hand on her backside. "DRACO!"

"We have a job to do!" Hermione yelled. "Quit fooling around. Professor Snape must fall to us, or else our mission is over. Do you understand?"

"Sir, yes, sir," Draco saluted. "Sorry, Hermione." The Slytherin had loosened up considerably after sharing a flask of fire whiskey with a Hufflepuff, their own form of breaking bread.

"We'll be good," Ginny said.

Hermione nodded. "Let's get to it then, shall we?"

She knocked on the door. They immediately hear footsteps approaching from inside.

"Who dares disturb me!?" shouted a voice. The three students jumped backward.

"This is Hermione Granger, Professor. We are here for your clothing. Surrender. Or face the consequences."

"Oh, in that case. . . ." The students heard an unlocking spell being muttered within. Hermione gave Ginny a questionable stare. Was the professor going to attack them? Or had he literally lost his mind?

There was silence.

"Where is he?" Ginny asked.

The door flung open, half lifted off it's hinges.

"Hello, my pupils. . . ."

Draco Malfoy fell to the floor, Ginny Weasley burst into girlish giggles, and Hermione stood with mouth dropped open. Behold! Severus Snape stood before them, braced against the doorway, a cool, calculated expression on his face. Oh, and he was nude. Yes. The great, evil, slimy git, Professor Snape was without clothing.

Hermione recovered, taking a deep breath. "Professor? It seems you've, umm. Well. . . ."

Hermione surveyed the man before her in disbelief. He was as pale as marble, wearing only a black band on his lower arm. He was nude. An older man nude. And she liked it. She felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

Draco stood back up, a bit tipsy from the turn of events (and the fire whiskey). "Well... Umm, Ginny and I will be going somewhere because there has to be something to do or something."

Ginny shook her head quickly. "Yes, that thing we were going to do. We'll see you later. Congratulations on joining the winners, Professor Snape."

The two students ran away, leaving Hermione with Snape.

"Professor, you changed your mind about joining."

Snape frowned, as if bored. "It was my idea, you know."

"Of-of course," Hermione stuttered. "What's with the black band?"

Snape seemed to be loosing control of the situation. "It's for mourning. I'm mourning that stupid mutt, Black."

Hermione raised brow.

"Fine! I couldn't find a proper glamour to hide the Dark Mark. I couldn't just go prancing around with it showing!" Snape glared.

"I understand." Hermione smiled. "So glamours don't work?" Snape glared. "Have you tried makeup?"

"You stupid girl, of course I've tried. . . . Makeup? Makeup. That could work." Snape frowned. "But where would I find makeup?"

Hermione's cheeks turned redder, if that was possible. "Well, up in my room, I have a great supply of makeup. I even have some that magically blends in with your skin color. It's by Maybelline."

"Ingenious. To your room then, Ms. Granger?"

Hermione showed Snape to her room. As Head Girl, she had quarters all to her own, which at this moment she found overly convenient. Snape sat on the edge of her bed as she dug through a box of lipstick and foundation.

"Professor, why exactly did you join us?"

Snape smiled, but Hermione didn't see that since her back was to him. "I always join the winning side. It's a problem that's gotten me into trouble in the past. Plus, since I am to blame for this catastrophe. . . "

"It's no catastrophe, Professor," Hermione muttered, still searching for the right bottle.

Snape, however, was enjoying the view. In fact, some might say that he was enjoying it a bit too much. Snape noticed what was happening at once and grabbed a pillow to cover 'himself' with.

"Aha!" Hermione turned around, holding up a small vial. She sat on the bed beside her Professor and took off his arm band. She stopped, thinking.

"Perhaps you should take a shower first, Professor," she suggested.

Snape held the pillow tightly. "Excuse me! Ms. Granger! Why would you suggest such a thing?"

She looked confused. "Because I'll have to redo your makeup before tomorrow if you don't take your shower first," she explained.

Snape calmed down, somewhat. "Oh. Well, I assure you that I'm perfectly clean."

Hermione laughed at his expression and stood up to get a makeup sponge. She turned suddenly and looked down at the pillow Snape was holding in his lap. A wicked, knowing smile crept onto her face.

Dumbledore's office. The present.

"STOP! Stop the story!" Harry shouted. "Why is this information important?!"

"You asked," Dumbledore explain. "Plus, it adds to the plot."

"How in Merlin's name does this add to the plot!!!" Harry choked.

"Potter, I do wish you'd quit interrupting the tale," Draco whined. He had magicked up a bowl of popcorn for him and Ron to share.

"Yeah! We were getting to the good part!" Ron said.

"I'm going to vomit," Harry stated, his voice monotone.

"Do step outside the room." Draco shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Dumbledore frowned. "It seems I will not be allowed to tell that part of the story. Perhaps, I should transfer the setting to that of the broom closet."

"NO!" Ron and Draco shouted.

"Which...ahem...one?" Ron asked.

"Third floor," Dumbledore answered.

"NO!" Draco shouted, choking on a kernel. "Let's not. Perhaps we should fast forward to the important part."

"Hey, where were you at this time?" Ron asked Draco.

Draco turned pale. "Not with your sister in the broom closet, that's for sure."

Ron smiled and nodded dully. "And I was not in the broom closet on the sixth floor with your ex, either, mate."

"I can't believe you've lost your brains and your boxers!" Harry shouted.

"Boys, we can discuss this later. Time is drawing near. Our tale must be hurried somewhat." Dumbledore announced.

Draco and Ron looked downtrodden but nodded. Harry covered his face with his hands. This was going to be a long story.

Dumbledore began. "As you know, the students were now aiming to bring their terms to me. The protest gained fury and the students were. . . ."