WWP Presents: The Heir of Slytherin

"I think you guys are really going to like our documentary," George said, sitting down next to Harry, Ron and Hermione. "Cockroach Cluster?" He offered them the bag he was holding.

"No thanks," Harry responded, glancing at it uneasily.

"So, does this have anything to do with you two following Harry around in monster costumes last week?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"No! Of course not!" Fred cried as Harry stifled a grin.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" George exclaimed, looking deeply hurt.

"Hmm, maybe that first year Ravenclaw following you around with a camera?" Hermione pitched in, looking smug.

"Hey! Leave Dad's magic camcorders out of this!"* Fred retorted, looking injured.

"Bloody hell, just watch the film, we got a lot of gold out of this," George interrupted, jingling his cash box.

"Well, you did call it the 'Heir of Slytherin' Ron pointed out. "So what exactly is your theory in that respect?"

"You'll see, lil' bro, you'll see," George said with a grin. "Now shush! The movie's starting!"

The Hall fell into excited whispers as a screen rose up from the floor.

~

"Hullo!" said a loud voice. Fred walked onscreen dressed in safari clothes. "Today we are following the ever elusive Heir of Slytherin! This species is quite rare, but if we're careful, we might get a good look at 'im."

The screen switched to a sudden close-up of Harry, looking elusive and shifty.

~

"Hey!" Ron and Hermione cried out indignantly. Beyond them, the crowd filled with whispers.

"Shush children, just watch," George said, his eyes glued to the screen. Harry smirked behind him.

~

"As we follow the Heir on his daily routine, we see he is a rather neat species."

Harry stands in front of a mirror, brushing his teeth while attempting to brush his hair. A later scene shows him standing in the shower. In the background, music plays 'His eyes are green as a fresh pickled toad.'

~

In the back of the Hall, Draco Malfoy had fallen off his seat, guffawing. Several girls were giggling loudly and demanding to see that again. None of this could be heard over Harry's cries of "Where did you get that footage?" "Stalkers!" and "You guys are creepy! Why were you in there anyway?!" Someone finally silenced him, and the movie went on...

~

"The Heir appears to be great friends with his monster, and it follows him everywhere."

Fred and George lead Harry down a corridor announcing, "Heir of Slytherin! Seriously evil wizard coming through!"

"Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant!"**

A gigantic, furry monster with dripping fangs waited at the end of the hall, and offered Harry his arm. Everyone stared at Harry, who was looking very confused.

"We've found an expert, Loony- erm- Luna Lovegood, who can tell us exactly what these creatures are. Luna?"

Luna Lovegood stood next to Fred, looking dreamy, wearing a safari hat as well as an odd sort of poncho.

~

"What in the world-?" Hermione asked bemusedly as Ginny burst into suppressed giggles.

No one else was attempting to stifle their laughter, however. The entire Hall was in stitches. There were yells of "What is that girl wearing?" or "Loony! How come we never thought of that? Suits her perfectly!"

The girl in question, who sat quietly a few rows behind the group, seemingly oblivious to the noise of the crowd, was looking up at the screen vaguely.

~

"Frederick," she replied.

"Erm, What do you think the Heirs' monster is? Do you, er, have any theories?" he prompted, glancing down at her.

"Oh, of course." she said, "After studying the creature, I have come to the conclusion that it is an Umgubular Slashkilter. This is a very exciting moment." She looked only faintly interested. "The Slashkilter has only been seen from behind before now, Frederick. We have a wonderful opportunity here! I am going to try and capture the creature, as well as the Heir, and conduct extensive research."

"Er, are you sure Luna? We just kind of wanted to, uh, follow it around."

"Oh no!" she said, finally looking affected. "We must capture the creatures!"

Fred was growing more and more uneasy, even alarmed.

"Don't you worry about a thing, Frederick! I will gather volunteers and we will capture that Umgubular Slashkilter!" She looked quite mad now, her eyes bulging wildly

to Fred's alarm, as he was now backing slowly away.

"Er, never mind, don't worry about it."

~

"You know," Fred whispered conspiratorially, glancing over at Luna, "she actually caught Lee once."

Ron choked on the flavor bean he'd been eating.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, we were messing around, waiting for Harry to come out of class, and she snuck up on us and used this odd spell on him. Caught him in a net and took off. We had to chase her down and distract her while Lee escaped. She took tons of pictures though, and Lee ended up on the front cover of the Quibbler!"

"The what?" Hermione laughed. "That's priceless!"

~

"Did you know the Minister of Magic is breeding Slashkilters?" she asked, suddenly serious.

"Oh, really? That's, uh, nice," Fred answered, now out of view of the camera and sounding unaccountably nervous.

"Yes he's breeding them undercover in the Ministry, which he also uses to develop_"

The camera suddenly cut out, interrupting her rant.

~

A sigh of relief went up around the room.

"Thank Merlin," Hermione muttered under her breath. "Umgubular Slashkilters, undercover Ministry dealings...first years!"

Harry and Ron both stared at her.

"What?"

"That's just so unlike you, talking about first years like that." Harry finally answered.

"I liked it!" Ron added enthusiastically.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Boys."