Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Bad Ideas

Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Bad Ideas

By: Emiko

~~~

When the post arrived the next morning, Draco paid no mind to the flurry of owls surrounding him. He focused on what was going on at the Gryffindor table. Not that he could see much after the roses were delivered to Granger. Potter and a couple of Weasleys obscured his vision for a few minutes, but when they sat down, Granger looked red and thoroughly embarrassed. She had the letter in one hand, and she fingered a rose with the other. She stared at the letter for a very long time, until she realized the owl that delivered it was waiting for a reply. Then she tentatively scribbled something on a piece of parchment and sent it off.

Granger picked at her food until Potter and the tall, not-nearly-as-cute-as-the-younger Weasley pulled her off to class. Now that he noticed, Weasley's face looked about as pink as Granger's for some reason. But then again, he got like that a lot.

Draco waited a few minutes, and then made a mad dash for his dormitory. His owl was there picking at the gourmet owl treats he'd set out for him earlier. The owl spotted him and held out his leg lazily; he waited like it was a chore for Draco to take off the letter attached. Draco practically ripped it from him and read:

"Malfoy,

"You sick freak. It would be a little less obvious that you wrote that letter if you didn't put YOUR FAMILY SEAL on it. How very subtle of you.

"Just what are you playing at? I haven't told Harry or Ron yet (don't worry), but only because I don't have any idea of what you're thinking. What do you want, really?

"Hermione Granger"

Draco folded the letter carefully and slipped it in a pocket in his robes. Granger dotted her i's with little stars. How quaint. Damn her to places mentioned only in Death Eater meetings. How could he be so stupid?

He had two choices. One: Draco could keep on lying to Granger in an attempt to win her heart, upon doing so he would be able to conjure a "yes" out of her. Or, two: Draco could do the easier thing, tell Granger the truth, and hope her Gryffindor "Let's help everybody!" attitude would compel her to help him. The latter sounded easiest. He scribbled a note to her and sent it off to her.

"Meet me alone in Snape's classroom at 11:00 tonight."

"D.M."

With a quick glance after the owl, he ran to class.

~~~

"Lumos."

At the sound of Granger's spell, soft yellow light leapt from her wand, illuminating the previously pitch-black dungeon. Draco stood leaning against a wall with his arms crossed, trying to make a very dashing picture of himself. However, Granger either didn't notice or just didn't bother to pause and drool, because she made an uneasy beeline for him upon sight. Her frizzy hair bounced when she walked.

She had a piece of folded parchment poking out from her pajama (they looked like something a ten-year-old would wear) pocket. He assumed it was his letter.

"'Evening, Granger," Draco said.

"Malfoy." Granger stopped two feet from him. "What's all this about?"

"I figured I should tell you the truth."

She raised an eyebrow. "I should hope so. That was quite possibly the most embarrassing thing I've ever had happen to me."

"You haven't lived, Granger. Either that, or I haven't been doing my job."

She glared, and he smirked.

"Buck-tooth."

"Hippogriff chow."

"Idiot bookworm."

"Ferret."

"Ahem. About the letter."

"Yes?"

"I hope you didn't get your hopes up, because I'm certainly not madly in love with you."

"Well, thank goodness. Why did you send me that letter, then? And the roses?"

"To convince you into falling in love with an anonymous admirer, and then upon that happening proposing to you."

Granger gawked at him. "I-I don't understand."

"If don't successfully propose to you in public, then I shall be doomed to marry Pansy Parkinson," Draco explained solemnly.

She broke down and laughed, and she didn't stop for several seconds. Draco waited very patiently before continuing.

"My parents arranged it, because they apparently think I'm incapable of doing any better on my own."

"But you get a million love letters a day at breakfast!" Granger still couldn't stop giggling.

"Although I have a wide range of young ladies to choose from, I prefer to be adored from afar than go steady with any one girl."

"So, you told your parents you were already engaged to me? ...But I'm Muggle-born."

"Actually, I told them I was already engaged to Blaise Zabini, but she insisted that I had to propose to you before she would agree to write my parents saying that we were engaged."

"She didn't ask for money or anything?"

"Not even the smallest sexual favor. She said she found this method much more entertaining."

"How very devious and cruel."

"Yes, it is."

"I'm not going along with it, Malfoy."

Draco was surprised at how quickly she answered, when he hadn't even asked anything yet. "You won't?"

"No. I've composed a list of reasons why I would never help you." She pulled the parchment from her pocket, revealing it to be a list. "One: You tried to trick me. How would I know that this isn't another one? Two: Ron and Harry would never approve. I wouldn't be able to tell them the real reason why I'd accept such a thing. Three: You've never done anything for me but give me grief. Four: If I were to agree to anything having to do with you, that would turn me into nothing more than another silly girl who'd do anything for Draco Malfoy."

Draco was taken aback. It was a privilege to be one of Draco Malfoy's groupies!

"And, newly added due to the new information, Five: Would we be able to play something off like that to the school once you turn around and announce that you're engaged to Blaize?"

"I was planning on something along the lines of Broadway-quality theatrics."

"So much for Slytherin cunning."

"Well, up until recently, I was going with the 'win her heart, and then break it' idea, but I thought better of it."

"I'm touched. But I'm still not going to go along with it."

"Anything I could do to change your mind?"

"Get Neville to forgive you for all the horrible things you've done for him."

"Longbottom?"

"Yes."

"Anything else I could do to change your mind?"

"I'd tell you to apologize to all the Gryffindors, but it would be too easy."

"Ah."

"And don't go writing a silly letter to him, too."

"Damn you, Granger. Damn you and the horse that brought you here."

"I don't have a horse."

"It was a joke." Gryffindors have no sense of humor.

Granger rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'll find out about it soon enough. If you do manage to have him forgive you, Neville will be sure to tell everyone all about it."

"Right. So, is there any specific time you'd want me to pop the big question?"

Granger made a face at him. "If I don't find out about it from Neville, warn me in private before trying anything." With that, she turned and walked away.

"Just make sure to look your best in a day or two!" Draco called after her. "I don't want to make a temporary fiancé out of anyone looking like they've forgotten to brush their hair for the past week!"

"Do you want to apologize to Ron, too? That'd be even more difficult."

"You're beautiful, Granger. Don't change a thing."

~~~

Draco cursed Granger to a variety of tortures only spoken of at Death Eater meetings upon returning to the Slytherin dormitories. Then he cursed himself to nothing in particular for his own stupidity. He *knew* it was coming, and he didn't do anything to stop it. Neville Longbottom! Why, fate? Why did it have to subject him to such punishment?

Blaise spotted him in the midst of his damning and asked, "Anything wrong, Draco, dear?"

Draco regained his composure and smiled. "Everything's going along just swimmingly, Blize. Nothing to worry about."

Blaise beamed and went back to whatever she was doing. Draco ran to his room to plot, but he ended up falling asleep before he could think of anything.

~~~

"Today, you will be making a Sympathus Potion," Snape announced to the classroom. "Can anyone tell me what this is used for?"

Granger's hand sprung up, as usual. Snape ignored it.

"Anyone? No?" Snape went on to harass the Gryffindors for a few more minutes, before finally explaining. "Sympathus Potions are used induce a merciful feeling in the person who drinks it. Its effects are similar to that of a Cheering Charm. Now, choose your partners; we will be testing your results at the end of class..."

Draco's heart sang. Thank you, Snape! Snape was the best teacher Hogwarts has had in fifty years! This is just what he needed! Draco departed from the sides of Crabbe and Goyle (they could fail on their own) and moseyed over to where Longbottom was. Thankfully, he was one of few who didn't have a partner yet.

"Be my partner, will you, Longbottom?" Draco asked.

Longbottom paled and searched the room for an escape, but alas, everyone else was with a partner. "All right," he said mournfully.

Draco bordered on gleeful, but then he remembered that Malfoys were not gleeful under any circumstances, so he settled on smug. "Great. Hand me that bottle of lacewings, would you?"

Longbottom obeyed.

They managed to finish their work early, and as a result, they were obliged to test their results early. Draco poured some of the potion in a vial with delight, and handed it to Longbottom. "Here. Drink it. See what happens."

"No." Longbottom looked terrified. "I don't trust you."

"Longbottom," Draco said exasperatedly, "I didn't put anything in it that I wasn't supposed to. This is my grade, too, you know."

"No. You drink it."

"No, you do it."

"Is there a problem, gentlemen?" Snape slid up to the two of them. "Longbottom?"

"There's nothing wrong, Professor," Draco said before Longbottom could manage anything out of his gaping mouth. "We were just getting ready to test my potion."

"I see. Please continue."

"Here you go, Longbottom." Draco shoved the vial in Longbottom's face.

"Y-You said you were going to drink it, Malfoy," he managed.

And just like that, Snape went from the top of Draco's Like List to just in front of Dumbledore. Longbottom was miles behind from there. "Er- that's right. Sorry." And he downed the potion in one gulp.

The Sympathus Potion was, of course, perfect in every way. Draco immediately felt a serene, peaceful feeling overcome him. "How do you feel?" Snape asked.

"Pretty good," Draco said.

"Step on his foot, Longbottom. Give it a good hard stomp."

Longbottom did so without question. Hard. Draco winced, but then again, it wasn't that bad...

"Sorry," Longbottom said.

Draco smiled benignly at him. "Think nothing of it. Nothing to worry about."

Snape marked an "A" in a little book, commanded Longbottom to go back to the Gryffindor half of the classroom, and moved on to criticize the other students' work.

Once class was over, Draco called Longbottom over to him. He still looked hesitant of him, but he couldn't imagine why. "I have something to ask you," Draco said.

"What is it, Malfoy?"

"Well, I realize that I've been pretty awful to you over the years since I've met you." And he did, too. Oh, he was terrible. How could anyone pardon him for what he's done, especially Neville? "I wanted to apologize."

"You're still feeling the effects of that potion, aren't you?"

"No. Well, yes, but that doesn't matter. I've wanted to say I'm sorry since even before that. Will you forgive me?"

"Oh." Neville thought for a moment. "No, I won't forgive you."

"Why?" Out of the corner of his eye, Draco spotted Pansy Parkinson walk by, but he didn't pay any attention. "Please, Neville, you have to forgive me! I swear I won't ever be so cruel to you again; I'll do anything!"

"Anything?"

If it wasn't for his inability to control himself, Draco would've shut his mouth ages ago. But things were beyond his control from the get-go. "Of course!" he said. "Anything."

Longbottom grinned at him. It would turn out that he had a sadistic streak, as well. "If you kiss a Hufflepuff that doesn't like you in front of everyone at lunch, then I'll forgive you."

Draco could feel the effects of the potion wearing off very quickly now. It was replaced by a sense of dread.

Longbottom blinked. "You weren't serious, were you?"

"Yeah, I was," Draco said, and headed off to lunch despairingly.

~~~