Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Bad Ideas

Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Bad Ideas

By: Emiko

~~~

The usual quiet of the Slytherin common room was broken by a sound similar to a shriek of disgust, but will not be called such for who uttered it. It was Draco Malfoy, and he was going through his mail. We'll call it a wail of discontent, to be both gentle towards Draco and at least partially honest towards the action he administered.

Sifting through what he received by owl earlier that day, he noticed amidst the encouraging pile of anonymous love letters, a letter from his father. Upon seeing it, he tossed the love letters aside (he hadn't planned on reading them, anyway) and ripped it open.

"Dear Draco,

"Being as you are now sixteen, and nearly a man, your mother and I have come to notice the fact that you have never, even once, mentioned anything about having a girlfriend, significant other, or potential wife. As a Malfoy your are required to uphold the family honor, by increasing its already vast fortune, marrying well, and producing an heir. We worry that because of your utter failure to do so thus far, even in terms of finding a girlfriend, you will not be able to do so in the coming years.

"We have chosen a fiancée for you do to your incompetence. She is a Slytherin, from a well-off family, and, of course, a pure-blood. Her name is Pansy Parkinson, and her parents have already agreed to the marriage and informed their daughter of it. I trust you to acquaint yourself with Mis Parkinson, being as she is in the same House and year as you are, and treat her respectfully. After all, you two will be spending quite some time together.

"Your father,

"Lucius Malfoy"

It was then that Draco shrieked -er, gasped loudly in discontent. How dare he. How dare he!! And about his showing no signs of having a girlfriend... He glanced at the stacks of unopened love letters. It certainly wasn't like he wasn't getting any offers! Draco simply liked the idea of being worshipped and adored much better than the idea of being attached to someone, that was all. And he really was much further along than his father thought in other areas as well, if you counted certain escapades in the Astronomy Tower.

Another shriek -this time one that can clearly be defined as such of excitement- was heard coming from the girls dormitories. Draco's heart sunk to his feet as Pansy herself emerged from her room, smiling like she'd won the lottery. "Draco, guess what? I've just got a letter from my parents-"

"No," Draco cut her off, deadpan but secretly terrified. "No, no, no, no, no. It's all a figment of your twisted imagination. It's a sick joke being played on you by your parents. It's a lie. It'll never, never happen. I'd sooner marry Hermione Granger."

Before she could reply, he stalked out of the common room and locked himself in his room.

~~~

Draco didn't come out again until hours later, when Pansy had long given up on pawing at his door. He carried a bag of Floo Powder in one hand and a traveling cloak in the other. He threw a fistful of powder into the fireplace, threw the cloak around his shoulders, and threw himself into the fireplace.

"Malfoy Manor!" he almost-yelled, and in a dizzying, dirty whoosh of air, he appeared in his parlor fireplace. He shook the soot from himself, making sure to make as much of a mess as possible, and stomped off to find his father. He liked making so much noise up and down the corridors. It made him more assured he was being paid attention to. His father would surely reprimand him later for it, but Draco was too angry to care.

He threw open the doors to the library, kicking at a house-elf who had come to clean the last bits of soot off his boots as he walked. "Father?" he called. "Father, I know you're here!"

Lucius Malfoy emerged from the study on the opposite end of the room. He looked tired, unamused, and anything but willing to deal with his son at the moment. "Yes, Draco?" he said anyway, as if it was perfectly normal for the boy to return home in the middle of a school term.

"What," Draco waved the Letter in the air, "Is the meaning of this?"

"Exactly as it implies," Lucius replied. "You are now betrothed to Pansy Parkinson. And stop waving your arms like that, you look like a git."

"I do not look like a git. I'll look like a massive git tomorrow when the whole school knows that you're forcing me to marry Pansy Parkinson." Draco was growing hysterical. "Father! Pansy Parkinson!? Couldn't you have used just a little discretion? I would have much rather had Blaise Zabini or something, but no! You had to pick the slimiest, ugliest piece of-"

Lucius, now standing next to Draco, hit him smartly over the head with his cane. It effectively shut him up for an entire three seconds.

"Father, have you ever actually seen this girl? There are rumors going around the girls' dormitories that she's not really a girl at all. She's absolutely disgusting!"

"We were able to see quite a few baby pictures..." Narcissa Malfoy entered the library, hearing all the loud noises and immediately recognizing that Draco was home. "She was a very cute baby."

"She certainly grew out of that quickly enough."

Narcissa ignored Draco's last comment and swept over to him. "Draco, darling, you've got soot in your hair," she said, and started brushing it out with her fingers.

"So you really haven't seen her," Draco continued, not bothered a bit by his mother fussing over him. "For your sakes, at least, that's a good thing. You don't have to see how sickening she is every day. She's in my House! It's horrible just having to look at her! I mean, it was bad enough having to take her to the Yule Ball, but I waited too long to ask anyone else, and it would've been shameful to go stag."

"It's already been decided, Draco," Lucius said, tired of his son's complaints. "There's nothing that can be done about it."

"I've comprised a list of reasons why I should not have to marry Pansy," Draco went on, ignoring his father completely and pulling out a piece of parchment with a flourish. "One: I'm much, much prettier than her. True, I'm a Malfoy and all, but it's still just not right. Two: She's much, much uglier than I am. This goes without saying, due to Number One. Three: She has the personality of a toad. Four: She has bad breath. Five: Being the Hottest Guy in School, I have a duty to -oh, by the way, Mother, Teen Witch Weekly named me the Handsomest Underage Sex Symbol."

Narcissa beamed. "I'm so proud..."

"Anyway, being the Hottest Guy in School, I have duty to flirt with absolutely every girl worthy of at least flirting with. What would all the girls think if I suddenly had to stop? It's not only unfair to me, but unfair to them, as well."

"All we said you had to do was marry her," Lucius said, not wanting to deal with his son any more. "Do whatever you want, as long as it gets done."

Draco scowled, and pulled out a final piece of parchment. "Number six: I've already proposed to someone."

The announcement was greeted with a shocked silence. "You have?" Narcissa finally asked.

"When, and what did she say?" Lucius asked. "Who is she?"

"Blaise Zabini," Draco said, warming up to his Cunning Plan. "She said yes, of course."

Lucius' eyes darkened. "You have?"

"Yes, I have."

"I don't believe you."

"I'll ask her to owl you tomorrow."

"Zabini..." Lucius searched his memory. "Is she a pureblood?"

"That's a given."

"And her family?"

"Owns a dozen shops in Diagon Alley, plus a few in Knockturn."

"Hm... Acceptable, I suppose."

"And she's a Slytherin."

Narcissa sighed. "The Parkinsons won't be pleased to hear this."

Lucius glowered at his son. "You do realize that if something should happen between you and this Zabini girl, you'll go back to being engaged to Miss Parkinson."

"Yes, Father." Draco's heart danced with joy.

"And I expect a letter from her telling me of the engagement."

"Yes, Father." Draco's heart promptly stopped dancing. "I'd better... get back to school. Class tomorrow, you know. Heh-heh."

Lucius left for his study again without even a goodbye, assumably to owl the Parkinsons. Narcissa escorted Draco to the parlor -it was as spotless as it was before his arrival, thanks to the house-elves- and sent him off with a box of chocolate liquors to share with Blaise. He practically fell back into the Slytherin common room, and conveniently, into Blaise's lap.

"Good evening, Draco," she said.

Draco paused for only a second. He didn't expect to have to approach her like this, but it was now or never. "Blaise, I have a huge favor to ask you."

"What is it? I was in the middle of my Transfiguration homework."

"I need you to pretend to be my fiancé."

Blaise's Transfiguration book hit the floor.

"I'm flattered that you thought of me."

Draco didn't bother to tell her that her name was just something he pulled off the top of his head. "All you have to do is write a letter to my parents saying that you're already engaged to me, so I can't possibly be engaged to anyone else."

Blaise dropped the 'I'm-flattered' act. "What's in it for me?"

"Anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Anything." Draco was desperate.

Blaise flipped her hair and laughed. "I could have fun with this..." She sat back in her chair and thought for what seemed to be an hour. Draco was sweating by the time she spoke again. "If you propose to Hermione Granger in public, and she says yes, then I'll write the letter for you."

Draco blanched. "Granger? She hates me! She's probably the only girl in school who would say no to me!"

"Which is exactly why I chose her."

"Please reconsider. I'd even propose to that idiot Longbottom-"

"It has to be Granger, or no letter."

Draco made a sort of growling noise and ran a hand trough his hair. "You, cruel, devious woman. ...I'll do it."

"Wonderful. Now, go to bed. You'll need your rest for tomorrow. Oh! And don't forget to confess your undying love!" she called after him as he trudged off to his room.

So much for Cunning Plans.

~~~

"Hermione, I'm madly in love with you. Will you marry me?"

"Yes, of course I will!"

Draco's reflection changed from that of one who was ecstatic to a deadpan expression. He turned from the mirror and ran a hand through his hair again. "That was terrible," he said. He looked to the mirror for a well-timed pick-me-up, but it didn't give any. He kicked at one of his bedposts, but that didn't help, either. How could he possibly propose to Granger?

He thought about it for a minute. Blaise expected Draco to make a fool of himself. He'd have to be very sincere in order to get the results he wanted. A new Cunning Plan formed in his head, better, at least in his opinion, than the last one he had.

He glanced in the mirror again. "I'll just have to make sure she'll say yes before I ask her."

"Good work, darling, you're beautiful," piped a female voice. It was the mirror- it finally decided to comment.

"I need a new mirror," Draco said.

~~~

Draco sat back after hours of toil and admired his work. It was surely the most beautifully written anonymous love letter ever written, or at least it was in his opinion, but he was a slightly bias. He even managed to keep most of the heavy Malfoy sarcasm out of it. He read over it once more.

"My Dearest Hermione,

"Please forgive me when I say that I can't reveal my name just yet. If I did, you probably wouldn't believe me when I say that I'm in love with you. Madly in love with you, actually. If I ever found the courage to tell you in person, you would probably laugh in my face and walk off. Hell, if I told anyone how I felt about you, I'd probably end up being laughed at. It's one of those 'Who'd have thought?' things. Don't think me a coward because of it.

"I can't go on in secrecy. Just knowing that I love you, and being able to see you in school isn't enough. Every time I'm near you, I'm forced to pretend that I don't love you like I do. But acting the opposite of how I feel is unbearable. I can't handle not being around you. I want to meet with you in private, but I'm afraid that's impossible right now. However, I want to reveal myself soon.

The roses are from me, of course.

All my love,

Your Secret Admirer.

Oh, yes, it was a pack of lies to be proud of.

~~~