Rating:
PG-13
House:
Riddikulus
Ships:
Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Characters:
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs Severus Snape
Genres:
Humor
Era:
1970-1981 (Including Marauders at Hogwarts)
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire
Stats:
Published: 01/06/2004
Updated: 11/16/2004
Words: 6,569
Chapters: 4
Hits: 3,218

Unexpected

Draconn Malfoy

Story Summary:
When Sirius, James, and Peter find out who Remus is dating, they are very shocked. So is the whole school. However, in the end everything ends more or less well -- even though Sirius doesn't get to give his friends a striptease show. Slash, kisses, and confusion.

Chapter 01

Chapter Summary:
It's a cool, windy winter day. Remus has a hickey, Snape walks past, Sirius sneaks on Remus's stuff and finds a note, Remus is very much in love, WPP spy on Remus and his mysterious lover, and Sirius throws up when silencing spells fail. Slash, kisses and confusion.
Posted:
01/06/2004
Hits:
1,236
Author's Note:
This fic was written solely in need for some more humor among my usually pretty angsty fics, and some fic for Master & Wolf. This fic contains SLASH (RL/SS), so if this offends you, please go away. Flames will be unappropriated.

It was a cool, windy winter day in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. Most of the students kept inside in their warm Common Rooms and dormitoried. Four sixth-year Gryffindors, however, were sitting outside.

Sirius Black was bored. He had nothing to do. They had no homework for once, there were no Quidditch practices, and after their last incident with whipped cream, gigant-sized porn pictures, and the Great Hall ceiling, they had decided to keep low profile for some time, so pulling pranks wasn't appropriate at the moment.

He glanced at his friends. Peter was currently explaining some especially complicated Charms assignment to James - Peter maybe wasn't very good in many subjects, but in Charms he was excellent. In theory exams he was always the second best, and in casting the charms, no one could beat him - not even the best seventh years. Some were sure that he'd become the Charms teacher after Flitchwick, but Sirius knew better - Peter was maybe good, but he'd never become a teacher. And James - well, James was James. He only cared about Quidditch, and usually got only just enough points to get through his exams.

The last one of hid friends, Remus Lupin was concentrated on a book laying in his lap. 'Of course,' Sirius thought. 'Trust Moony to have a book around anywhere.' Because he had nothing else to do, Sirius watched lazily his friend. Suddenly he noticed something that made him doubt his own eyes. Something he had never expected.

"Remus - you've got a hickey."

Remus blushed fiercely and tried to wind his scarf tightly around his neck. It didn't help, though. Sirius was sure about what he had saw, and he wasn't going to give up.

He turned towards James and Peter. "Did you hear?" he asked, grinning. "Remus has a hickey! Our little poor never-gets-girls Remus has a damned hickey - isn't that a miracle?"

James grinned also and leaned nearer, looking interested. "Really?" he asked. "Where? I thought you didn't even know what's the difference between boys and girls! Looks like you've been working hard lately, eh?"

"Shut up," Remus snapped, still blushing. "It's nothing of your business." He grasped the ends of his scarf and kept them firmly in his hands, like he was trying to strangle himself. Then he seemed to notice how hard it was to breathe, and loosened his grasp. Therefore, the hickey got again in sight.

"Yeah, it is!" James exclaimed. "Woah, that's unbelievable! Our little Remus has a hickey!"

"Enough of that already!" Remus shouted, his face as red as a radish.

"No, not enough," Sirius grinned. "Who it is? Tell us, Moony! We are your friends, we deserve to know!"

"No, Sirius doesn't," Peter said, grinning as well. "He's teasing you, you see? But I've said nothing, you can tell me who you are seeing!"

"I'm not seeing anyone!" Remus said firmly.

"We don't believe you," the other three Marauders said in unison.

"Fine, don't believe then," Remus grumbled. "Because I'm not telling you anything."

"Hey, not fair!" James said poutingly. "You always know who we are dating! Why can't you tell us?"

"Drop it, James," Remus advised, sounding bored. "It doesn't matter how much you try, I won't tell you anyways."

"Spoilsport," Sirius mumbled. Then his eyes wandered away, and his expression lit up. "Hey, look who's there!" he exclaimed. "It's Snivellius!" He drew his wand, grinning mischieviously. "What about some fun?"

"Could you please at least once in your life not to torture every on-coming student who you don't like?" Remus asked, sounding much more patient than he really was. The blush had vanished from his face as soon as the hickey topic had been dropped.

"This is not an ordinary student," Sirius protested. "That's Snivellius!"

"Let him be," Remus said again.

"Weah, you're not fun," Sirius pouted.

"Remember what happened last time you wanted some 'fun' with Snape?" Remus snapped bitterly. "You nearly got him dead, or bitten - and me into Azkaban!"

That shut Sirius's mouth immediately. He merely glared at the Slytherin as he walked past them. James and Peter glared at him as well, but Remus didn't bother - he kept his eyes locked at his book again.

*

It was late afternoon. Remus had left to the library to get some book he needed for his research, and the other three boys were laying in their dorm - Peter and James on their own beds and Sirius on Remus's, because his own bed was, as usually, a complete mess.

"I'm booored," Sirius complained and stretched himself on the bed. "I wish Moony was here, we could tease him some more."

"And then he'd definitely not tell us anything," James pointed out. "I suggest we try to sneak after him some day and spy on him and his mysterious girlfriend."

"Nah, it wouldn't manage," Peter said. "He's a werewolf, remember? Even if we used your cloak, he'd hear or even _smell_ us. There's no way we could get after him without getting caught."

"Peter is right," Sirius said. "I hope we only knew where he's meeting her - we could spy on the room."

"There's no way we could know that," Peter complained. "I mean, Remus knows how to keep a secret. He'll never let anything slip."

"You're right," Sirius said. "We can't find that out. Unless..."

"Unless?" echoed James. "What you have in your mind, Padfoot? I know that twinkle in your eyes. What you're up to now?"

"Oh, nothing much," the tall teen grinned and sat up on Remus's bed, throwing his ponytail over his shoulder. "Only..." He got on his feet and walked to Remus's trunk.

"You can't!" Peter snapped. "He'll skin you alive if he finds out!"

"He'll never find out, if you don't turn me in," Sirius said calmly as he began going through their friend's stuff. "Besides, I'm only - Ah-hah!" he exclaimed then triumphantly. "I knew it! Remus never knows how to keep his ware!"

"Maybe he didn't assume that you'd be blunt enough to sneak on his stuff," James pointed out. "What did you find? Her picture with her name, year, and house on the behind?"

"Better even," Sirius grinned. "What do you say about this?" He waved a little parchment note in the air.

The two other boys jumped out of their beds and walked nearer, curious. They crouched down to look at the note. It was written in fine, careful hand-writing - nothing familiar, though. The message was simply enough.

"'Abandoned Charms classroom in the ground floor. Midnight,'" Sirius read aloud. "No signature. Nothing else." He glanced at the other boys. "D'you know where's the abandoned Charms classroom?" he asked.

"How could I know that?" James snorted. They both nailed their eyes on Peter, who looked thoughtful.

"I could maybe find it," he said slowly. "If it indeed is a Charms classroom, they've been used there far more than any other magic. It could be even easy to hunt down."

"And because it's the ground floor, we can look inside without brooms or levitating," Sirius grinned. "Oh, boy - this sounds perfect!"

"What about if the note is old?" Peter asked warily. "Maybe that's why he left it there - it's old so he doesn't have to care of it being revealed to us."

"What does it cost to check?" Sirius snorted. "If he doesn't go anywhere, we don't go anywhere. And if he indeed does, we'll sneak outside and try to find the window of that classroom. Simple."

"And very simple is also that if you don't soon put that note back where it was and close the trunk, you'll get caught," James pointed out. "Remus said he wouldn't stay away for long. You'd better be ware."

Sirius indeed obeyed. When he had put all the stuff back and closed the trunk, he had just enough time to jump back on Remus's bed.

"What are you three up to?" Remus asked cautiously as he stepped inside and saw his three friends laying on their beds - or, in Sirius's case, his bed - seemingly innocent.

"We? We're up to absolutely nothing," Sirius said, giving him an angelic grin. "We're as innocent as first years, aren't we, boys?" He glanced at the two other boys, who started nodding furiously.

"Sod off from my bed, Sirius, and stop telling rubbish," Remus sighed dryly. "Fine. Don't tell me. I suppose I'll find it out anyways." He eyed the three other boys attentively. "You still remember our old rule, right?" he asked. "We don't pull pranks on each other."

"Right," the other boys replied in unison.

Remus merely shook his head before kicking Sirius off from his bed and starting reading the book he had just fetched.

*

Remus was only the tiniest bit nervous as he stepped inside the abandoned Charms classroom near midnight. The familiar scent of his lover flowed over him at the same second as he stepped inside. His lips curved into a little smile as he greeted the person who was waiting for him.

Severus Snape stood up from the chair he had been sitting in and walked nearer Remus. He moved with grace Remus had always adored, and there was a little, nearly unnoticable warm glint in his beetle-black eyes as he reached out his arms to welcome him.

'If Sirius only knew,' Remus thought. 'If he only knew what he's done!' After the incident in Shrieking Shack last year Remus had been nervous that Severus would spill his secret to everyone. Instead of that, Severus had came to talk with him and apologized - apologized! Severus Snape had apologized Remus Lupin! - for his former behaviour. He hadn't realized how much his remarks about Remus's golden eyes or regular sickness had hurt the werewolf! He hadn't realized exactly how difficult Potions classes where to Remus and his sensitive nose! And now he had wanted to apologize.

After that they had met more and more often - in secret, of course. At first they had only talked about usual topics - school, and Potions especially. With Severus's help and his potions that prevented Remus smelling all the potions Remus had got through his Potions O.W.L.S. and even became rather good in the subject.

Slowly, they had become friends. And then one day they had realized their love towards each other. And this everything was thanks to Sirius, who would most probably have died rather than got Remus together with his despised "Snivellius."

Severus was unbelievable. He didn't care if Remus's body was covered by scars. He didn't care if Remus was a werewolf or not. He didn't care about anything like that. He said that Remus's golden eyes were beautiful, that his scars made his otherwise flawless skin look even more perfect. And he said that he loved Remus, the real Remus, not the wolf or the human but both.

And when Remus looked into those midnight-black eyes, he knew that Severus meant it.

Now Severus was standing right in front of him, that black hair surrounding his pale face. His deep, black eyes were fixed on Remus, and on Remus only.

Remus felt an urge to tell Severus just how much he loved him, how important the Slytherin was to him. "Severus", he started with a very hoarse voice. "I - I -"

"Hush", Severus whispered back, his black eyes glittering in the candlelight. He put one long, pale finger on his lips. "Don't say anything."

Remus felt a tender, soft kiss placed on his forehead. Then Severus kissed the tip of his nose, and then those cool, still burning lips covered his own mouth, making breathing impossible.

He didn't even want to breath, though. Right now he wanted Severus more than oxygen. He leaned against him, eager to be loved by him. He twisted his arms behind the neck covered by jet-black hair. He replied the kiss, then carefully slightly opened his mouth, letting the exploring tongue come into his mouth.

After a while they broke the kiss, both panting slightly. They pressed their foreheads together, looking into each other's eyes, a little smile on the both of theirs lips.

"I love you," Remus said, and he meaned it.

"I love you, too," Severus replied gently.

*

"I love you, too." This wasn't the first time Severus had said those words to Remus, and this definitely wouldn't be the last. And he really meant it, from the bottom of his heart.

And to think that only a year before he had thought he'd never say those words to anyone...

He grasped Remus's shoulders, holding him nearer to himself. His tongue once again slipped into his mouth. The tip of his tongue examined those white, perfect, nice-tasting teeth. He felt Remus's own tongue licking his, trying to twist around his.

Remus tasted good, he noticed. He licked his lover some more, eager to taste more of that Remus-y goodness. His other hand crept up to the smaller brunette's hair, combing the hunny hair with his fingers. The other snaked down to Remus's slender waist, holding him tight.

Their lips kept locked as Severus started leading them both towards the couch.

Only some moments later, they both laid naked on each other's arms.

And then the real fun began.

*

Sirius just stared at the sight before him. "Oh, Merlin," he whispered before jumping down from James's shoulders and therefore out of sight to the window.

"Who it is?" James hissed, eager to hear every detail. "Is she a Ravenclaw? I bet she is, I don't understand why Remus himself isn't there..."

"Believe me, Prongs," Sirius interrupted, still feeling slightly cloud-headed. "You don't want to know. Not really."

"But I do want to know it!" Peter said with demanding tone. "Tell us, Sirius, right now! Who that girl is?"

"James, Peter," Sirius said, "it isn't a girl."

"WHAT?" James exclaimed, his eyes very wide. "Remus is - he's a *gay*?"

"So it seems," Sirius said, closing his eyes. He found it very hard to concentrate on anything.

"So who it is, then?" James asked, after getting ove the first shock. "Who has seduced our poor innocent Moony?"

"It is Snape," Sirius replied with gloomy voice. "And they were in full action just as I peered inside."

James looked like he was ready to throw up. Peter took support from the wall, seemingly near fainting. Sirius just banged his head with his fist, trying to get the mental image from his head.

'Think about anything else rather,' he commanded himself. 'Think about Dumbledore and McGonagall going on it, if nothing else!' He still couldn't get the image out of his head. Remus laying on the couch, naked, and Snape...

He felt like he'd throw up at any moment.

Then he heard a moan loud enough to get through the silencing spells from the window above him, and he indeed did it.

When he again got on his feet, he suggested with weak voice, "Boys... What about getting to the hell from here?"

James and Peter didn't need two commands.

About the same time as they at last reached their dorm, Remus dozed into light sleep circled in his lover's arms, completely unaware of what would await him the next morning.


Author notes: Well? Should I continue?
Please tell me your opinion! *puppy eyes*