Our Little One

.~*~.Our little one. ~*~.

Chapter Sixteen

Falling Apart

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This part of the chapter is not from any particular first-person POV.

This chapter is partly flashbacks.

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"Severus," greeted a black-haired woman as they stepped out of the Floo. "It's good to see you every now and then, little brother."

"Lilian," Severus replied calmly. "I'm happy to see you, too." Then he turned to nod towards the girl he had with him. "This is Olivia," he stated the obvious.

"Nice to see you, Olivia. I hope you will get on well here," she said, offering her hand. After a moment of hesitating, Olivia took it with a little, nervous smile.

"As long as she has a laboratory, she'd get on well in the depths of Hell, I'm sure," Severus remarked dryly. "Olivia's even worse than I am, Lilian, I swear to my soul she is!"

"Is that even possible?" the woman asked with a raised eyebrow. "Nobody's even as bad as you, Sev dear, let alone worse. I refuse to believe that anyone might be more obsessed about potions than you are!" Turning towards Olivia again, she added, "Well, our laboratories here are yours to use freely. Usually, my son Malcolm would have filled at least one of them with his own tests, but right now he's at Hogwarts. And as I've never held a true desire for Potions, nobody else is going to use the labs but you."

"Malcolm?" echoed Olivia, sounding a bit wary.

"Yes, he's your age, I believe," Lilian said, noticing her nervousness. "On fifth year in Hogwarts right now. A good boy, although most think that he's taking too much after little Sev here, good and bad alike. He's doing well at school at any rate, although last time I heard of him he'd just broke up with his boyfriend."

"Boyfriend, eh?" asked Severus, sounding amused. "That boy truly moves fast, doesn't he? Last time I heard of him he was still longing after that Ravenclaw girl..."

"That was the beginning of his fourth year," Lilian replied. "And, he did tell you about his boyfriend last summer, you just didn't pay attention that's all..."

"Hey!" Severus protested angrily. "Are you implying that I don't pay any attention to my nephew?"

"That's exactly what I was saying," Lilian said calmly. Then, completely ignoring her little brother, she said to Olivia, "Shall we see your room, then? After you've settled in, I could show you around the Manor, or do you want to explore it by yourself?"

"I think I'd like taking a look around by myself," Olivia said, having eased more than a bit after hearing about Malcolm's ex-boyfriend. Straight men were a subconscious fright to her, even if not present, but with gays, she had no problems. "Oh, and thank you so much for taking me in!"

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Lilian smiled. "We don't have that many friends or family, Olivia, so we stick up together. In the end everything comes back to family ties, no matter how distant they are. Lucius might be my ex-brother-in-law, but that's enough for me, since we're also friends."

Olivia's expression fell for a moment at the mention of Lucius, but then she forced a smile on his face again. "I'm sure I won't bother you for too long, since there's no way Severus could lose anything, not even a trial," she said, trying to sound cheerful. "But in the meantime, I truly am grateful to you for letting me stay here."

"As I said, no problem, little one," the witch said. "It's too quiet around here when Malcolm is at school. And of course Severus will visit here every now and then to keep up your tutoring."

"That's right," the wizard said, nodding. "I'm not going to let you take it easy!" he added, a bit of twinkle in his beetle-black eyes.

"I wouldn't have even dreamed of it," Olivia chuckled. "Like you'd ever let anyone neglecting their studies, at least not in Potions."

"Damn right," Severus admitted. Then, his expression turned serious. "Now, Olivia, keep carefully in mind what I'm just about to tell you," he said sharply. "As you know, I grew up in this house - and my childhood was definitely not a happy one. Therefore, as I'm a Seer, many dark memories are attached to this place. You have to use the blocking potion all the time - and absolutely no Brew of Dreams. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Severus," she replied, nodding. "I shall not do anything you forbide."

"It's only better to you, you know," the man added, "as I don't think you'd like seeing any of my memories around here. None of them are pleasant, and most are downright horrid." With this said, he bid a goodbye to his siter, then turned to the fireplace, and tossed some Floo Powder to the flames. "Black Manor!" he shouted before stepping into the fire, and disappearing.

*

After Lilian had shown Olivia to her room, she let the girl on her own. So, being curious as she was, Olivia started to explore the nearby rooms. Lilian had told her to look anywhere that wasn't locked, so she had no fears of browsing the Manor.

In half an hour she'd managed to find a comfortable old sitting room that seemed to have been unused for quite a while. There was a huge, ancient dresser in the room, and being bored, she decided to browse the drawers.

From the bottom drawer she found a few old Christmas cards. Smiling slightly to herself, she opened the first that came to her hand, opening it. On messy handwriting, the card read, 'Merri Crismas to Father and the New Siser! Philip.'

Olivia frowned. She didn't understand this at all. Whoever could Philip refer to as a 'new sister?' He'd been only a year old when Joyce'd been born, that was far too young to write anything!

To Olivia's mind, there was only one way to find out what it was. Completely oblivious to the numerous warnings from Severus, she drew a small, blue phial from a bag on her belt.

Still holding the card in her other hand, she drank the dose of the Brew of Dreams.

***

Two people were bent over something on a table. As Olivia went nearer, she saw to her shock that it was Lilian and Philip, making Christmas cards together.

"Aunt Lil?" Philip asked happily. "When will the new sister arrive?"

"Not for quite a while, Philip," Lilian chuckled, ruffling the boy's hair. "You still have a few months to wait."

"That's booo-ring," the boy whined, pouting. "Why can't she come already?"

"Because she has to grow up, my dear," the witch replied, smiling at his enthusiasm. "Right now she's just a tiny thing inside your Father's stomach, but she's growing at every moment. That's why you have to be nice to your Father - he's very tired because the baby is using his energy."

"Oh!" he nodded, finally understanding something. "So that's why Father fell asleep yesterday in the middle of the day?"

"Exactly, little one." She then turned her attention back to the cards in progress. "Are these already done? Shall we write the greetings to them?"

"Yes!" Philip squealed happily. "Can we put the new sister to Father's card?"

"Of course, dear, of course."

Smiling, they both got back to work.

*

"Back already?" Lilian asked smiling, looking up to the man in the doorway. As Philip heard her words, he jumped up from the armchair he'd been sitting at, and ran to hug Remus's legs.

"Dad!" he exclaimed. "We made Christmas cards! You'll get them at Christmas!"

"Really, Philip?" the werewolf asked, sounding bemused. He bent down to pick the boy up, hugging him tightly. "Have you had fun with Aunt Lilian?"

"Lots!" the boy replied. "Where's Joyce?"

"We'll go and pick your sister up at the Narcairs'," another voice said behind Remus. Lucius stepped to the room, his stomach round in a telltale way that told about a happy family event sometime in the near future. "Thank you for looking after him, Lilian," he then said, nodding his thanks to his former sister-in-law.

"No problem," the darkhaired woman replied, smiling. "It's a bit quiet around here while Malcolm's away, it was just nice to have some life around. Besides, I know you need rest sometimes," she added with a slight grin. "When I was pregnant with Malcolm, all I wanted to do was sleep!"

"Sounds familiar," Remus said, laughing a bit. He wrapped an arm around Lucius's round waist, still securing the little boy on his other arm. "Day or night, you never know when he's going to fall asleep!" These words earned him a glare from Lucius, but he didn't care. Instead, he just placed a slight kiss on his husband's temple - or at least attempted to, but because of their great length difference, he only managed to kiss Lucius's shoulder.

"I'll gladly take care of the children in the future, too, if you need help," the witch promised with a friendly tone. " I especially think you'll require some help after the next full moon. I have no problem taking the children in, and I think that even Malcolm might consider not scaring them, as he'll already home by then."

Lucius smirked, then shook his head. "There's a Potions Masters' meeting the day after the full moon," he said. "I'm anyway required to be there, so I thought I'd take the kids with me, as Remus is clearly incapable of taking care of them. It being so near Christmas, I don't want to burden anyone else with my own children, if I can look after them myself."

"Do as you wish," Lilian replied with a slight shrug. "Will you stay for some tea?"

"No. As Lucius said, we have to pick Joyce up from Narcissa," Remus replied, smiling. "But we'll be sure to visit during the Christmas holiday, if you'll allow that."

"With pleasure," she said, returning the smile.

Then, the memory faded away.

***

"Olivia?" asked a quiet voice. "Olivia, are you there?" As she got no reply, Lilian stepped to the dim room. She'd looked everywhere she could think of, and had found nothing. Therefore, she was now using the last possibility.

To her great shock, she indeed found Olivia there. She wasn't shocked about the fact that the girl was there, but about the situation she found her from. The Ciddle was sitting on the floor, clutching an old card in her hand, and crying silently. Tears had drawn their traces to her face over and over until her cheeks were all wet, but she didn't seem to care; she just cried some more.

"What's the problem, Olivia?" Lilian asked, kneeling down next to her. "And what's this?" She gently pulled the card from the girl's grasp. As she saw what it was, she gasped in even greater shock.

It was a Christmas card she'd done with Philip... One of those she'd hid away and had never shown to her former brother-in-law and his husband.

"Is it true?" Olivia asked hoarsely, startling her from her thoughts. "Was Father truly pregnant when the explosion hit him?"

"Yes, he was," Lilian said quietly. "The baby, a girl, was lost immediately... He'll also never again be able to carry a child, they're doomed to never have children together."

At this, Olivia didn't say anything. She merely started to cry, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "Not fair," she whispered. "They've lost so much already... Why did they have to lose all hope as well?"

"Well, at least they have you now," Lilian said, then drew the girl into a hug, trying to comfort her the best she could. For a moment she cursed herself for ever letting Severus leave, since she realized that her little brother was the one person closest to Olivia right after Remus and Lucius. In her mind, Lilian thought, 'Let's just hope that the fact they have you doesn't change, too...

Truly you are leading a though life, little one.

~*~*~*~

This part of the chapter is from Lucius's POV.

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"Will you take some chocolate?" I offer, handing a box of Honeydukes's best chocolate to Remus.

"No," he says quietly, hugging a pillow against himself, pressing himself even nearer the corner of the couch. "I don't want chocolate, Lucius. All I want is Olivia back."

"And you shall get her," I promise, squeezing his shoulder slightly. "Do you seriously think I would give her away without putting up a good fight?"

"But what if it's not enough?" he asks miserably, watching me through his fringe. "What if she never comes back to us?"

"Of course she will," I say, deciding to keep quiet about the owl I just received from Draco about his sudden discovery. "Why wouldn't she?"

"Don't know," Remus admits quietly, "but I have a bad feeling about this."

Just then, an owl pecks at the window. We seem to be really liked today. Walking to the window, I open it, and the owl flies to the table, dropping its message there. I frown, wondering what Lilian could have to say this soon, for I recognize the owl as one of hers.

Remus takes the message, quickly glancing through it. Then, it falls away from his trembling hands. "Oh, Merlin," my husband whispers, looking shocked.

"What it is?" I ask, worried. Has something else gone wrong?

"Olivia's had a dream," he replies, waving the letter in air. "Lucius... She knows about Kathleen now."

As he says this, memories come back to me like a wave of terrifying misery.

***

23rd of December, 2000

*

It feels odd to look down and actually see my feet. I've got so used to my round belly that walking around without it, even if only seemingly, feels really strange. In the beginning, I for a moment doubted whether the Concealment Charm is really necessary, but after thinking about it again, I have to admit that it is. We haven't told anybody but our nearest friends about my pregnancy yet, and for good reasons, too. We've seen just how delicate male pregnancies are, and how easily the baby can be damaged. If something that unfortunate really happened, I don't want the loss of my child be all over the headlines through the whole Wizarding World, like I'm sure it'd be if the press knew. Just as well my pregnancy alone would be in every newspaper the next morning somebody found out about it, and that's the last thing we want.

Thus, the Concealment Charm is almost a necessity.

Often I have to fight down the urge to put my hands around my stomach as somebody hurries past me. I can't help but want desperately to protect my little child from all possible harm. Remus and I have been through hell and back together, and this baby will be our price. She's probably the dearest thing in my life right now, besides Remus, of course. I do love Philip and Joyce, and of course Draco, and my friends, too - but it's just not the same. They're not the same as Remus, and our little Kathleen.

I see Severus nearby. He's watching an old wizard, who's, in vain, trying to make his potion correct, but he can't seem to get it thick enough. A bit of Venderroot might do that, I guess.

"Maybe you should put a bit of Venderroot in it," Severus advises friendly. Nice to know I'm not the only one with that idea, then.

The old wizard turns towards him, obviously furious. "How dare you?" he demands with an obvious accent. "I'm the Lead Potions Master of Spain!"

Severus quirks an eyebrow, seemingly very amused. "Really?" he asks. "It's nice to meet you. I am Severus Snape."

The old man stares at him for a moment, his mouth gaping like he was a goldfish. Then he snaps his mouth shut and turns away, but not before murmuring his quiet apologies to him.

Severus and I both notice that he indeed drops a bit of Venderroot into his brew.

Severus notices that I'm watching, and flashes a quick grin to me. I reply with a similar grin. I am genuinely proud of him. I don't think there's a single person in this place who would even consider challenging my friend when it comes to potions. And the best of best are here.

For a moment I wonder where the children are, glancing around. Then I see them, and practically every other child in the whole event, gathered around a large cauldron. Some witch is stirring a potion in the cauldron, and it's sending sparkling, colour-changing bubbles into the air. As the bubbles pop, every one of them lets out a different short melody. The Musical Mess, then - even though nice to watch and hear, the bubbles have a bad habit to colour anything they touch. That's why the potion shouldn't be brewed anywhere else but in large, open places, where the ceiling is either very high or there is simply no ceiling - just like this hall.

Well, let's just hope that neither of the children falls to the potion. Even though I do love them, no matter what they look like, I'd much prefer not to have rainbow-coloured kids running around the Manor on Christmas Day.

Wandering away from the cauldron, knowing that the children are at least at the moment away from any ill-wished deeds, I start to explore all the potions brewed here. Most of the British Masters and Mistresses recognize me, and I greet them all, even talk with a couple. After half an hour or so, I turn back to the place where I started from, seeing even far away that there's still a herd of children around the large cauldron.

As I'm about a hundred feet away from them, I hear as Joyce suddenly screams, and try to run to her. The next second, however, there's a loud bang, and I find myself being tossed away by a huge wave of air. It must be an explosion. Concern and worry for the children fills my mind for a second, but then I feel a painful twinge in my stomach.

The baby, I realize in a flash of a moment. Despair replaces all other feelings in my mind. I can't lose the baby...

Then I fall into darkness and know no more.

***

15th of January, 2001

*

I slowly open my eyes. My eyelids feel far too heavy, and the constant pounding in my head isn't usual, either.

As I at last snap back to focus, I see Remus. He's sitting on a chair next to the bed I lie on, watching me concernedly. As he sees that I'm awake, he leans forward, looking relieved.

"Lucius," he sighs, reaching out a hand to wipe a hair off my face. "At last, you're awake."

"At last?" I repeat his words, confused. What does he mean? How long have I been unconscious?

As I voice my question, he smiles sadly. "Three weeks, Lucius," he says quietly. "Three dark, endless weeks that were almost enough to kill me off."

I ponder this for a moment. Then I ask, warily, "Philip and Joyce... What about them?"

Remus bites his lip, and I already know what the answer is. "They're dead," he then says quietly, looking away from me. "I'm so sorry, Lucius... They're dead..."

"Oh." There's nothing else I could say. Our little children are dead, and it's my fault. They're gone, they'll never come back, and it's all because of me.

I should never have taken them there, never, since it's now my fault that they're dead. If only I had accepted Lilian's offer! Then, Joyce and Philip would be all right, and -

Suddenly, I notice how empty I feel. After a moment of thinking, I notice just what makes me feel that. And, as I realize it, I also realize that almost my whole life has been destroyed... Destroyed completely, and I did it myself.

"I lost the baby," I say quietly, knowing that it's the truth. I feel nothing inside me anymore. Our little girl is gone, dead far before she was even born.

Remus nods again, chewing his lip. "You can never carry a baby again," he then says quietly.

I can't say anything so I just nod, begging for an explanation with my eyes.

"The explosion did it," my husband continues with the same blank, unfeeling tone that flows with hidden emotions. "It damaged your temporary uterus so that it got partly absorbed to your body. It can't be fixed, it can't be removed without endangering your other internal organs, and a new one can't be created because it still exists in a way."

I nod again, this time slower. I can't help but think that it's unfair. Not only have we lost all our children, but we can't even have any in the future.

Whatever did I do to deserve this? Better even, what did Remus do? I don't think that even Voldemort himself deserves a fate like this, no matter all the things he did.

I feel his fingers stroking slightly my hand, and I grasp on them. With great effort I manage to bring his hand near enough to place a light kiss on his fingertips.

"You look pale," I then say, for he truly does. He looks like he hasn't been sleeping for the last week at least, regarding to the dark circles around his eyes. He's thinner than before, and his eyes... Oh, Salazar, his eyes...

They used to be beautiful pools of amber glow. Now they are like two fathomless pits, so dark in colour that they're almost as black as Severus's eyes. He doesn't seem to have cried recently - most probably the tears have ended ages ago.

"I know," he replies quietly, his eyes cast down to the floor. "You don't know what it's been like, Lucius... You can't realize how we've been. Severus remembered it all again, and Sirius... Sirius has been trying to keep us both alive and sane."

To this, I can't say anything. I just reach out my hand.

Remus grasps on it.

***

I'm startled awake from my memories by Remus, who's frantically shaking me by shoulders. Snapping my eyes open, I see his worried expression. "I'm fine," I try to assure him, but the worry in his features doesn't disappear.

"You'd been half a year without these fits before," he says quietly, "and now you've had two in as many weeks. Are you sure you're fine, Lucius?"

"Of course I am," I continue telling him. "Besides, only the first one of them was about Azkaban."

"But this one was memory also, and you weren't able to snap back from them without help," Remus points out sharply. "It's also a result of Azkaban, even if you don't think about it as such."

"Maybe you're right," I admit, and sigh. "But I don't know what could have caused it." To be honest, I do know the reason, but I can't tell it to him. What would he say if I told that I've been taking a potion that kept my mind under line, but stopped drinking it after hearing that in long-term usage it causes infertility? How could I ever explain that to him? Shit, I'm not even able to explain it to myself wholly!

...But I just can't give up hope, some insane hope that once, one day, we'll have a little baby of our own.

Maybe, just maybe, one day a remedy to our agony shall be invented. I love Olivia, I love her like she truly was our own, but she's still not the same as a little baby, with a tiny nose and tiny hands and feet, and an adorable smile and maybe Remus's golden hair...

Don't think, Lucius. Just don't think...

And especially don't remember.

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This part of the chapter is not from any particular POV.

~*~*~*~

"It's done," the Unspeakable said curtly, nodding a bit to Severus as he exited the room he'd been in. The Potions Master thanked him quietly, then rushed to the room where Olivia currently was, fearing the worst.

Just like he'd expected, the girl stood in the middle of the room, her face a blank mask. The change in her memories hadn't yet had time to sink in, and when it happened, Severus wanted to be present. The Unspeakable hadn't allowed him even to the same room as the process had been done, claiming that it was impossible due to his Death Eater status. Honestly, would that one stigma haunt him the rest of his life?

But, at least he could now give Olivia all his support, for he was everything the girl now had for comfort.

"Death Eaters," she whispered. "They - they -" Then, she hid her face to her hands, unable to continue.

Severus let her cry, knowing that she needed it. He knew exactly what the girl had endured, knew it better than anybody should. Olivia was not the only one who had suffered greatly in the hands of Death Eaters.

But, like he desperately hoped, she was one of the last ones.

*

Much later, Olivia had calmed down enough to discuss her feelings sensibly. She was curled up on a couch next to Severus, her head pressed against the man's shoulder, being at any rate just like a little child seeking comfort from a parental figure. Severus, on the other hand, was quietly speaking, answering all her questions, and trying to assure her that she was in no danger from either his or Lucius's direction.

"Lucius has raped women, true," Severus now told quietly. "As well as has killed, tortured, and cursed people without a second thought. But he's never raped children, that's where he put his limits... And nowadays, he's left it all behind. Lucius is not a bad person, Olivia, nor is he evil - he was just led wrong when he was young, and once you join Voldemort, you stay with him, or both you and your loved ones will suffer. He knew that those things were wrong, but he did them because he had to, because he needed to survive. He never wanted to kill, he never wanted to torture, and he definitely never enjoyed it. That's the difference between him and any other voluntary Death Eater."

"What about you?" asked the girl quietly. "Were you voluntary?"

It was like a shadow had crossed Severus's face as he froze for a moment. Then he said, very slowly and his eyes cast down to the floor, "No, Olivia, I wasn't... My father forced me."

"How did he do that?" she asked, still with a very quiet voice. "How did he force you to it?"

"I'd rather not tell," he murmured, now closing his eyes, trying to escape from the painful memories. "Let's just say that there are indeed very good reasons why you should use the blocking potion in this house." While saying this, he gave her an accusing glance. He'd heard from Lilian what the girl had done with the Christmas card. Even though he understood perfectly her shock and curiosity over the odd greeting in the card, she'd just been extremely lucky to drink the Brew of Dreams in one of the very rare rooms in the house where there were none of his bad memories attached to the very space of the rooms. Some other time, she might not be as lucky. Therefore, it'd be the best if she took his caution very seriously.

"So you became spy right in the beginning," Olivia said quietly.

To this, Severus nodded. "Right after I'd been initiated, I went to Dumbledore," he told. "Fortunately, he understood. I was distressed beyond belief back then, I did not know what else to do, so I just trusted that the Headmaster would find a solution to my problem."

"And what about Sirius?" asked the girl slyly.

Severus grimaced before saying, "Well, let's just say that we had a little fight over it... At last, he understood what I had gone through, however, and gave me his full support."

"How did Father turn to Light, then?" asked Olivia, her voice hardly more than a whisper.

"To that, I'm afraid I don't have a true answer," Severus said, shaking his head. "Of course I know the basics - how he switched sides to keep Remus safe from Voldemort - but details are mostly unknown to me. For a true version of the events, you should ask Remus or Lucius, but that obviously is not an option right now," he added grimly. "Unless..." Suddenly, his expression turned from gloomy to cunning. "You know, Olivia, I think I know just the way you could see their sides of the story..."

***

5th of July, 1993

*

It was two days after the full moon, and Remus was exhausted.

He was sitting in his kitchen, slowly sipping some tea. Each and every muscle still ached from the transformation, and the deepest gashes hadn't closed yet. Even the slightest of movements hurt, but somehow he'd managed to keep himself in one piece.

If the transformation had been hard on him, the couple of nights before and after it had been pure torture. Nightmares were disturbing him, making him toss and turn in his bed, not allowing him a moment of decent sleep. Dreams of Azkaban, of his friends, and of one man in particular... A man he'd lost, and would never get again himself.

Suddenly, there was a knock on his door. Getting to his feet, Remus quickly walked towards the door, secretly fearing who might be behind it. If Ministry officials were after him, they'd come right after the full moon... Wouldn't they?

He opened the door, and was forced to stare. In front of him stood the very man he'd thought he'd never see again.

Lucius Malfoy stood in front of him, looking absolutely out of place in Remus's little, shabby garden. The Slytherin was wearing his usual black robes, the familiar cane firmly on his hand. Remus knew even without telling that under the left sleeve was the ugly mark that had finally taken Lucius from him.

Now, Lucius looked calm and content - something Remus knew very well he himself wasn't. Forcing his voice to stay expressionless, he said, "Mr. Malfoy. Please, come in."

Lucius stepped past him, the cane accidentally knocking the doorframe as he passed it. For a moment Remus was lost in old memories, where the cane, a sing of authority and superiority, was abandoned as soon as Remus came around. With him, Lucius had always been free of his usual role, free to smile, laugh even, and especially free to say whatever he thought was fitting, even if it was too gentle or personal to ever be heard by anyone else but Remus. Seeing the cane, the very symbol of Lucius's role, hurt Remus.

However, he was not dwelling in the memories too much to hear as Lucius remarked dryly, "You're not very cautious, I see. One'd think that you'd take more care of whom you're letting in your apartment and who not."

Remus sighed inwardly, losing all hopes of getting the old Lucius back. They were far past that point now, had been for what felt like forever. "Like I could prevent you if you wanted to come in anyway," he said with an equally dry voice, closing the door. "It's only a couple of days after the full moon. Therefore, I'm about just as capable of fighting anyone as a deathly ill feather." And that was true, oh, Merlin, how it was true. He was hardly capable of even standing straight, leave alone opposing anyone - especially not the man who'd taught him everything he knew about fighting.

Again, memories took over him, and he bit his lip to prevent a sigh coming out. But how could he forget? Forget all those times he'd trained with Lucius until they were both wet with sweat, then sitting next to each other, his head resting against Lucius's shoulder? Or forget every time Lucius had come to him after the full moon mere moments after his friends had left, giving him potions to strengthen him, holding him as he trembled in slight fever, wiping the cold sweat off his forehead? Forget all those sweet nothings Lucius had whispered into his ear during the long, dark nights?

He couldn't forget, he just couldn't.

Of course he knew that it would never be again, that he'd never again have Lucius in his arms, and that he'd never again lie back in the bed, his head resting on Lucius's muscular chest. This knowledge just made him grasp even tighter on what he had, the bitter memories and the thought of "never again," for he knew it was the only thing he'd ever had of Lucius. There was no taking back what was gone, but at least he could remember what had been, and enjoy the memory.

Leading Lucius further inside, he wondered what the man was after. "Unexpected" was too little to say about this, he'd never thought he'd even see Lucius again, much less in his own house. So, as they sat down in armchairs in his small living room, he did nothing to hide his curiosity from Lucius. The blonde man merely eyed his furniture, not saying anything at first.

After a moment, Remus could not wait any longer. "So, what did you here come for?" he asked, hoping that his thoughts wouldn't shine through his hopefully calm tone. Half of his mind was still glued to the memories of a better time with Lucius, and he was both unable and unwilling to shake himself away from it.

"Lord Voldemort has given some orders to his followers," Lucius said, not batting an eyelid. Obviously he knew that he had nothing to fear, even with this half-confession of his own business with the Dark Lord. "All the werewolves are to either join his forces or die."

"I was kind of expecting this," Remus replied, again telling only the truth. He'd been both waiting and fearing this day ever since he'd first heard of Voldemort's recruits. As a werewolf, he was naturally talented in the Dark Arts, like he'd proved in those lengthy training sessions with Lucius in their young days. "It was only a matter of time until you'd turn your attention to us Dark creatures." Then he looked at Lucius watchfully. "So what are you doing here? Asking me about my choice? Then you can Avada Kedarva me right here on my seat. I'm sorry, but I won't turn to Voldemort." To his great surprise his voice didn't even waver at these words. All these years of thinking about this day, the choice he would be forced to make and wasn't a choice at all, had prepared him well to it as it now finally came. He would not turn to Voldemort, not under any circumstances. It was just plain impossible. Remus might have known all the Unforgivables by heart before his sixth year had been out - a fact that had given him a few benefits in the War - but he was by no means evil, and would never accept Voldemort's Mark. He'd lost Lucius and would never get him back, if his death would at least come from the man's hand and not from some unknown, faceless Death Eater, he'd be more than happy to die for the Light.

"No," Lucius said, surprising him even more. "I came to offer you an option."

Forcing himself not to show his shock, Remus raised an eyebrow, nodding to Lucius as a gesture to tell him to continue.

"I've come to an agreement with Headmaster Dumbledore," Lucius explained with that ever-calm voice that he always used in his role. No matter what his words were, his voice always seemed to be unaffected by any emotions. "You will attend Hogwarts as a DADA teacher the next year. Even if you're fired due to your Lycanthropy, they will keep you safe."

Not believing his ears, Remus just stared at him for a while. This was not true, is it? Why'd Lucius ever do that? "Okay, what are you looking for?" ...It was time to find out the price of his life.

Lucius looked taken a bit aback. "Excuse me?"

Remus let out a frustrated sigh, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. Was the man just playing stupid or did he not really understand? No, it had to be just an act, for what else could Lucius ever do that for? "You understood me very well. What are you after? If it is the most obvious, then I'm sorry, I can't accept this offer. I'm not, and I won't become, anyone's whore. Not for anything, not even for my life." That was a thing he'd always kept sure of. Even when he'd been near starving, he hadn't even considered selling himself for living. In that, he respected himself too much to fall.

Lucius blinked. Obviously he hadn't been expecting this kind of a reaction. "I can assure you," he said, "this has nothing to do with that particular thing."

"What it is, then?" asked Remus, knowing that his voice sounded sharper than it maybe would have, but gone past caring now. "It's well known that Malfoys do nothing for free." Truly it was. Some benefit they had to get from everything, no matter what it was - a business deal or an affair, it was all the same to a Malfoy. This was the conclusion Remus had come to after years of bitterness and sorrow over his lost love. Nowadays, he'd come to accept that it just hadn't been meant to be - not that he didn't occasionally hope for something else, of course.

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Would you believe me if I told I've realized how wrong I was to ever join Voldemort and am trying to make up for it?"

Remus didn't even bother answering, for the question wasn't worth an answer. He just shook his head, a dry smile curling his lips.

To his surprise, Lucius actually smiled. Then he said, "I decided that I owe you," and shrugged. "I owe you enough to do this. Besides, no matter how this all ends, I'll be on the stronger side - whatever side wins, I'll be near to the most powerful people."

Remus snorted. He should have guessed something like this. "How practical of you," he said dryly. "But I must say that I'm surprised. Your previous statement suggests that you really think whatever Voldemort is doing is wrong." Remus leaned backwards on his chair, resting his head against the back of the seat. The full moon still exhausted him, and this conversation certainly did not cheer him up, nor did the memories it was bringing about. For a moment he considered just leaving his odd visitor as he was and starting to sleep, but didn't. At first, he wanted some questions. "Do you think so?" he asked, watching Lucius intently.

Lucius shrugged. "I'm well aware that whatever the Dark Lord does, must be wrong," he admitted calmly.

"And you still stay on his side?" asked Remus, although a mad tinge of hope had just been born deep inside him. If Lucius truly knew that he was on the wrong way, maybe there indeed was some hope of redemption to him, too...

"Do I have any options?" Lucius scrutinized his long-fingered, perfect hands. How many times those hands had caressed Remus's skin? How many times those fingertips had run along his sides, sending tiny waves of pleasure all over his body? ...No, that wasn't right. Remus forced himself to snap away from the memories and listening as Lucius continued, "I've chosen my side, and Voldemort greatly disapproves traitors. Should I leave him now, I, and my family, would be downright executed. Whatever you think about me, I'm not going to let my son and wife be murdered." Of course not. Lucius might be a Death Eater, but he wasn't evil - not that evil, at least.

"I'm impressed," Remus said dryly, forcing his personal feelings aside for a moment. Lucius wasn't even interested in him anymore, so why even bother trying? "Last time I heard you talking about your family, you were struggling against ever marrying Narcissa Snape. And now you don't want her to be harmed? I could almost think that you've developed some feelings for her."

"She's a good friend," Lucius snapped, a flash of irritation in his silvery eyes. "And whatever I feel towards my wife is nothing of your business."

"No," Remus admitted, "it isn't. It ceased to be my business long time ago." In his mind he was practically screaming against the wrongness of it all, but forced himself to stay calm. Choices had been made, and Lucius's choice of the way of life did not include one Remus Lupin. He should stop hanging on, for he obviously had no hope in the matter.

Something relative to guilt flashed on Lucius's face, although it was so momentary that Remus could just as well have imagined it. Then, however, the Slytherin asked with a careless tone, "What exactly was it? I don't seem to remember. What was the point we stopped being in contact?"

Now, Remus couldn't help but smile lopsidedly. "You really don't remember?" he asked disbelievingly, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "Well, the point I decided to stop was when your name was published in the Prophet. In the list of disappeared." The memory of it still hurt. Reading Lucius's name along with all those others, knowing that he had not been killed but that he'd turned to the Dark Side... It had hurt more than any of the numerous wounds he'd had in his life, from his transformations and, during the War, in battles. And the ache hadn't faded still.

For some time, he'd hoped that maybe Lucius was the spy that was giving them information from the other side. He'd at last given up his hope as he'd realized that Lucius would never put himself and his friends to such a danger just for the cause of Light. If he'd turned to the Dark, he'd done it because he wanted power, not to help Dumbledore collect information of the future attacks.

Lucius now nodded in understanding. For a moment, he seemed to be thinking. Then, startling Remus from his own dark memories, he asked bluntly, "How come you're still alive?"

"Excuse me?" asked Remus, blinking in surprise. Why on Earth would Lucius ask that?

"How are you still alive? I can't imagine you managed without at least attempting to kill yourself. Not with the naturally depressed character you have."

So, always the self-confident Slytherin, certain about his own importance to everyone. "You're overestimating your own value to me," Remus said with a forcedly dry tone, and snorted. Then he sighed, knowing that there was no use to tell lies. Even after so many years apart, Lucius knew very well about his suicidal side. "You're right," he admitted simply. "Fortunately, I had friends who saved me. Otherwise, I would have surely died. It would have been real pity if I died for a bastard like you."

"Don't call me a bastard," Lucius said casually. "I'm pretty certain that my parents were married." And people had called Sirius a smart arse? No, no thinking about Sirius. Too many bad memories... Bad memories that would never fade away, any less than the pain over his loss of the man that was now sitting in front of him. "Besides, I'm trying to save your hide here, endangering my own. One might think that you wouldn't call me names after that."

Remus couldn't resist the urge to sting back a bit. "One might also think that you wouldn't leave me without as much as a goodbye after three years together," he said calmly, but the coldness of polar ice flowing in his mind.

"You should know better by now than to trust my kind," Lucius said with a careless shrug.

Now, this was just too much. "'Your kind' meaning what?" Remus asked sharply. "Malfoys? Slytherins? Death Eaters? Pure humans? Or just people who lure you into their bed on the first day you're of age?"

"You didn't seem too unwilling by then," Lucius said lazily, his mask never wavering.

"I never said I was unwilling," Remus replied, still forcing his voice to be calm. If Lucius could keep up this act, then sure as Hell could he. He was not giving in to this cool man whom he knew to be just a facade. Knew, because once, many years ago, he'd been allowed to look past this facade.

"Well, this conversation is not getting anywhere," Lucius said, obviously attempting a bored tone. "If neither of us has some good points, I think I should just leave."

"Um..." Remus hesitated a bit. He could not let Lucius leave, not this easily, after all these years! Besides, he hadn't even thanked the man yet... At last, he said softly, "Thank you. For doing this for me. I can only imagine what this could cost you if you were revealed."

"I won't be," Lucius said calmly. "Besides, I owe you. That's the reason why I'm doing this."

Deciding to still try to affect the blonde man in at least some way, Remus thought rapidly. If his memory wasn't failing, Lucius had always been sensitive to touch on his hands and arms, just as well as he'd enjoyed touching Remus's hands. Therefore, he reached out his hand to slightly brush his fingers against Lucius's hand as he asked, "So there are no other reasons?" He felt Lucius shiver slightly in response to his thought. 'Ha,' Remus thought triumphantly. 'The cool and unaffected Malfoy isn't completely made of ice, then?' Aloud he asked, "Just because you owe me?" As he said this, he drew his hand back, satisfied with the reaction he'd got from the other man.

Lucius swallowed, he could see it. Seemingly his hopes weren't all that impossible, then. Although even if he had some hope, he still had a long way to go before he could even dream of getting Lucius back again. Perhaps the Slytherin didn't even feel the same way, but just responded to the physical reaction, like he would to anybody else's touch?

"No," Lucius then replied. "Not just because I owe you." The pair of silvery grey eyes were raised to meet Remus's amber gaze. "Also because I don't want you to get hurt."

"Nice to hear," Remus said, smiling slightly. Now, this was definitely more than he'd ever expected. Even if he had to let Lucius go without a single touch more, even if he didn't see the man ever again, he'd treasure these words to the very core of his heart, since he knew how rare it was that Lucius expressed his caring to anyone.

"I figured as much," Lucius said, and the usual coolness was for some reason lacking from his voice - a fact that made Remus very happy.

Remus got up on his feet. He had nothing to lose but everything to win, so better just try even harder than before. "You know," he said thoughtfully, "right after your disappearance I thought you were just spying, or they'd attacked you. I couldn't believe you'd be completely evil." He smiled slightly and glanced at Lucius, allowing his smile to touch his eyes, too. Lucius had always been telling how he loved the way Remus's eyes twinkled in light as he smiled, after all. "Maybe I should listen to my instincts more often, seeing that they were right about this."

"Nice to hear that at least somebody trusts me," Lucius said a bit dryly. "When I told Severus I'd found out he was a spy, he thought that I was going to kill him. Honestly, we'd been friends for seven years at that point! Am I really that horrible?"

"Not horrible," Remus said, thinking about this. No, Lucius was not horrible, he decided, walking slowly to the window and looking out of it. His herb garden seemed to be doing very well this year, but, it didn't matter right now. "Just too controlled. You never let your emotions show. It's sometimes hard to tell if you have them at all, considering how cool you are." And how true was that!

"I have to keep my mask," Lucius said, and Remus's keen werewolf senses caught the sound of the other man standing up as well. "As well as Severus, I have a facade to retain. More often than not, that requires acting cold and emotionless. Showing feelings means showing weaknesses. Besides possibly blowing up my facade, I'd give easy weapons to Voldemort's hands. He knows very well how to use one's weaknesses against them."

"And again, it all comes down to Voldemort," Remus said, and sighed. Voldemort, always Voldemort! The Dark Lord and his followers were the reason of deaths of Lily, James, and Peter, the reason of Sirius's betrayal, the reason why Harry had to grow up with those horrible Muggles... And, more than anything, the reason why Remus was alone, with nobody on his side. Nobody, and especially not Lucius. "He controls your life, Lucius, no matter what you think." He was quiet for a moment, then asked softly, "Was it worth it, Lucius? Was joining Voldemort worth it all?"

He had to know, had to hear it from Lucius himself, whether the man truly regretted his actions or whether he was proud or happy about his past. Whichever answer he would get, it would also tell whether Lucius was even worth his struggle.

But, he had a good suspicion of what the answer was going to be.

At last, Lucius came to a decision - or, more precisely, to the decision Remus had known he'd make. "No," he said quietly. "It wasn't."

Remus nodded, satisfied with what he'd heard. At least something of the former Lucius still remained under that cool facade.

After a moment of silence, Lucius suddenly spoke. "Remus," he said softly, "can you ever forgive me?"

Remus merely watched him at first, wondering whether he'd heard the question right. This was simply too much to be true, too good to be true. Allowing himself the luxury of believing his ears, he smiled warmly at the man who'd once been the center of his life, and would maybe be again. "Consider yourself forgiven," he murmured, reaching his hands out for Lucius.

Lucius grasped his hands, his fingers surprisingly warm around Remus's, feeling comforting to the werewolf who was still in a bit of fever as a result of the full moon. The Slytherin gently pulled his hands to his sides, thus bringing Remus nearer. Then he wrapped his arms on the small brunette's waist, looking him right in the eye. Remus saw only warmth and sincerity in the silver eyes, and he was beyond happy, since he knew he'd won now.

Letting his fingertips run up and down Lucius's back, Remus pressed himself against the body he'd memorized in his youth, but had forgotten in the long, painful years of loneliness. He gazed up and saw Lucius leaning towards him, and he happily reached upwards, his mouth searching for the other man's.

Then, their lips met at last, Lucius's warm mouth brushing against his. Without a second of hesitating, Remus replied the kiss.

***

Remus smiled a bit as he, too, led the silvery strand of memories to the Pensieve Severus had brought to them, explaining its function. Lucius had already given his own part, which was, of course, much more than Remus's memories. Maybe Olivia wouldn't need more details than that. It was certainly better that she didn't see anything else, at least nothing that had happened right after Remus's memory of his and Lucius's reunion - no reasons to traumatize the poor girl any more.

But, he had to admit that it had been one of the best days in his life - and that the following night had been even better.

*

Olivia smiled distantly as she at last exited the memories, having seen them through more times than she cared to count. "Thank them for me," she said quietly to Severus, who still sat in the chair in the corner of the room, having waited for her all the time. "I - I truly feel better after seeing these."

"I figured you would," Severus said with an equally quiet voice. "This is the safest way for you to get to know what happened exactly."

"It's not fair, though," Olivia then said, frowning. "Even though you and Father belong to the Light side, you have to bear the Marks like any of the other Death Eaters."

"We all have our own burdens," the Potions Master said. "To Lucius and I, it's these Marks, and the pain they cause..." Just then, they both remembered the day Olivia had found out the true essence of the Marks.

***

8th of February, 2004

*

It was only two days after the full moon, and Remus was still exhausted. He was, however, well awake in the sitting room as they were planning their trip to Paris with the Blacks.

At the moment, Lucius was explaining his plans for the trip, his hands vividly waving in the air. Suddenly, he gasped, grasping on his left forearm. Severus did the same, the same pained grimace on both men's faces.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked worriedly.

"The Dark Marks are burning them," Remus said gloomily, pulling her a step backwards.

"But - how?" the girl asked, astonished. "Voldemort's dead, isn't he? So how can the Marks still burn?" As she watched, Remus and Sirius both walked to their husbands, drawing them into comforting embraces. For some time the men just stood like that, the former Death Eaters shivering in pain, and their lovers slightly caressing their backs, murmuring quietly to their ears.

At last, Lucius and Severus relaxed. With the last comforting words, Remus and Sirius drew back, though they did not stop throwing concerned glances to the direction of their husbands.

"Well, you see, Olivia," Sirius started, "the Marks were a part of the very essence of Voldemort's powers. Therefore, they are made of pure evilness. They're not only evil because of their creator, but they are evil all on their own. Whenever some of the former Death Eaters use enough Dark Arts at the same time, or even if only one of then casts a curse powerful enough, this reflects in pain in the other Marks."

"That's horrible," she whispered. "You haven't deserved any of the pain, and still you're being tormented!"

"Severus hasn't, in that I agree," Lucius said quietly, "but I think I've done more than the pain's worth of evil deeds in my life, and purely on my own will."

"Lucius!" Remus said sharply. "There's no need to scare her!"

"You're right, love," the blonde admitted. "I apologize, Olivia. I should not have frightened you with my dark words, but it's a usual aftereffect of the Mark burning."

"No need to apologize," the girl said quietly. "I just - I just hope that you wouldn't have to go through so much, that's all."

"So do we all hope, Olivia," Remus said quietly, sadness mixing with exhaustion on his face. "So do we all."

~*~*~*~

This part of the chapter is from Draco's POV.

~*~*~*~

***

6th of July, 1993

*

Father hasn't been here for the whole night. Not that I don't know what he's up to, Mother's away all the time with her various affairs. No, the thing that confuses me is that Father has never had affairs before, nor has he ever stayed anywhere overnight without telling me first. I honestly have no idea where he could be right now.

After the lunch, however, a house-elf comes to me, telling me to go to my Father's study. As I do so, I find him, sitting there and waiting for me. He looks oddly tired, like he hadn't had enough sleep last night. Well, if my suspicions of his doings are correct, that's anything but a surprise.

"Draco," he starts seriously, "do you truly want to become a Death Eater?"

"No, Father," I answer truthfully, for we've long since vowed to always tell only the truth to each other. "I'd much prefer not becoming one of the Dark Lord's servants." It's the simple truth; I don't desire to become a Death Eater and have to murder and curse and torture. If I absolutely had to, to keep up our facade, I think I'd become a spy like my Godfather. That way, I could do something for the Light, and still help our family stay alive. I know also that Father will support my choice, whatever it is.

To my great surprise, he actually smiles. Not that I'd expected him to start yelling at me or anything, I know his heart isn't really into the Dark, but it's still surprising. "Good," he says, surprising me even more. "Seems that I've succeeded in at least something in your upbringing."

"Erm... Father?" I ask. "What exactly do you mean?"

"To put it simply, I love a man," Father says calmly. "This man needs protection from Voldemort - protection that I'm not able to give to him, or we'd all get killed. So, I'm spying for Dumbledore, thus buying protection for the one I love."

"So - you're a spy? Like Severus?" It's hard to believe what I hear. Just how many times I've heard Severus trying to talk Father into this, and how many times has Father refused, saying that it'd be too dangerous for him and his family? Too many times to count, that I know for sure.

And now - now he's switched sides, because of one person?

"Exactly, my son," he replies with a little smile. "Just like Severus."

"But isn't that dangerous?"

Now, his expression turns grave serious. "Being a Death Eater isn't ever safe," he reminds me. "I've been living in danger of death ever since I joined Voldemort, both from His's and Dumbledore's sides. What I've done now is just a change in the danger - if I'm found out by Voldemort, not only me, but my whole family is in danger. On the other hand, I now have no fear from Dumbledore."

"All this, for one man?" I still ask. This just isn't at all like Father, I'd never expected anything like this from him.

He shrugs, and says, "I owe him, and I love him. There are more than enough reasons for me to do this, or anything else, for him."

"Tell me who it is, at least," I hear myself demanding. Pitiful, really. Most likely I don't even know the guy, but I want to hear the name of the person who managed where Severus and I haven't.

"He's one you know," Father says, however, scaring me out of my skin. "And his name is Remus Jonathan Lupin."

For a moment I just stare at my Father, gawking stupidly. Of course I know Lupin. And from where? From the list of werewolves that Father let me see a couple of days ago! At last, I manage to stammer, "L-Lupin? But - he's a werewolf! And a Gryffindor!"

"Draco, Draco, Draco," he replies, shaking his head with a disapproving expression. "When will you learn that those things do not mean everything in life? Yes, he's a werewolf, yes, he's a Gryffindor, and yes, he's male, which would be enough to make most people disapprove our relationship. He is, however, a man I dated for three years when we were young, as well as the person I slept with last night."

"Ergh," I grumble, "that's already too many details."

A smirk touches Father's lips as he continues, "Plus, he's the person I plan to keep at my side for a very long time, since he's the one I want to be there. Either you learn to deal with it, or you don't - I've come past caring now. I've already given up so much for him, I'm not giving him up, no matter what you say. Of course, I hope that we have your blessing, you are my only son after all, but..." With a shrug, he finishes, "If you can't approve our relationship, I'll be with him without your approval. This is my life after all, not yours."

"Are you kidding, Father?" I ask then, allowing a little smile curl the corners of my mouths. "Of course you have my blessing... As long as you don't expect me to date a Gryffindor, and definitely not another boy!"

"We shall see, Draco," is all he says. "We shall see."

***

4th of November, 1995

*

My, my... Severus truly seems to be pissed about something tonight. Not that he isn't irritated all the time, anyway, no, but usually even he doesn't send a seventh-year Advanced class out in tears - at least not Slytherins.

But, then again, he truly has a good reason for it. Because of his knowledge, Pettigrew got caught - but, because he was the only one who knew those things, the Dark Lord now knows that he's a traitor. If my dear Godfather takes a single step out of the castle's grounds, he's bound to be murdered right away. And, despite what everyone thinks, he does not like being closed in one place. True, he tends to spend most of his time in the dungeons and almost never exits the castle, but he doesn't like being forced to it.

He's now hovering over Harry's cauldron, sneering down at the green potion. Green, even though it should be nearer blue at this point. Seems like Harry has it coming...

"Potter, are you awake? You should add those bat ears soon, if you don't want your potion to get spoiled!" snarles Severus, then sweeps away with his brows in a deep frown.

...Poor Harry. He seems truly depressed about Severus's attitude today. Let's just hope the news about his godfather can keep him from being totally down-directed, though. I hate it when Harry's depressed, it makes me angry at anything that made him sad, and it's not healthy to be angry at Severus.

Now, Harry turns to look at me, looking like a kicked puppy. Oh, my poor boy. As I smile at him, he smiles back warily, clearly trying to avoid Severus catching him in it. 'Try to stand him', I mouth silently with an encouraging nod. 'I'll kiss you better after the lesson.'

Harry grins back, and returns my nod. Then he goes back to his work, he doesn't look as depressed as before.

So, I concentrate on my own potion for a while, too. Not that it was difficult, heck no, I made this last summer as Severus was planning his syllabus and it was dead easy even back then. But, it's also easy to burn, and I don't want that to happen. In his current mood, Severus might attack even me.

Suddenly, somebody screams, making me almost drop my spoon to the cauldron.

"GRIM! IT'S A GRIM!" the Patil girl screams, her eyes wide like bloody plates. The other Divination-freak doesn't even scream, she just faints. Tsk, tsk, girls. Whatever happened to the infamous Gryffindor courage?

Yeah, I know it's Harry's Godfather sitting in front of the class, not a Grim. Who's ever heard of a Grim with pale blue eyes? Honestly, considering that DADA is most Gryffindors' favourite subject, you'd think they knew at least something we learn in the classes.

"Oh, shut up," Granger sighs, rolling her eyes frustratedly towards the ceiling. "Snuffles is only a dog. Okay, he's maybe big and black, and he probably looks like some imaginary monster, but he's only a dog. Aren't you?" she then asks, smiling at the dog. My, my, Granger, I'm truly shocked. You got it wrong, for the first time in your life! Grims are by no means imaginary, I can assure you, they do exists, and at least the one at our family graveyeard is also doing very well for all I know...

The dog just grins at her like only dogs can. Then he sits down, glancing at the door, where Professor McGonagall is just stepping in.

"What's this, Minerva?" Severus asks, giving the dog a disgusted glance. I'm sure he knows who it is, too. "As you can see, I have a lesson going on in here. And I have clearly forbidden that mutt in my classroom under all circumstances!"

"This is a direct order from the Headmaster," McGonagall replied, her stone face never faltering. Truly, if I didn't know better, I'd think she's one of the schools statues - although even most of them have more expressions than she does. "I have an announcement to make to every class, and this 'mutt' is involved in the events." Very well, I have a good suspicion of what it is...

Harry exchanges a glance with Granger and Weasley, who respond with beaming smiles. Then, he risks a quick glance to my direction. I flash him a smile and a thumbs-up in response of his own, slightly nervous grin. After that he hastily turns back towars the front of the classroom, obviously listening carefully as McGonagall starts to read the rather new and official-looking parchment she took from the pocket of her robes.

"With this announcement, Sirius Black is a free man, who has committed no crimes. He has a public apology from the Ministry, he'll have back his wand and all his properties..."

Oh, yes... Good luck, Harry, you're at last free from your nightmarous relatives! Surely they won't force you back to their care if your godfather is a free man? And, I have a good suspicion that Father just might allow me to stay the next summer in the Black Manor, at least if nobody else knows about it... And who knows, maybe the Christmas holiday, too?

As McGonagall finishes reading the parchment, the black dog transforms back to Black. Patil screams yet again in shock, and Brown faints again. Well, she'd just been conscious for a few seconds, after all. Everywhere around the class other students cry out in shock and surprise - even Slytherins. Really, what's wrong with my housemates nowadays? I bet that Father and Severus would have just raised an eyebrow at this, should this have happened in their ages.

Well, fortunately I'm here to do that for them, anyway.

Black doesn't seem to be affected by all the cries, though. His eyes are firmly locked at Severus, who just stands there, staring at the other man. He looks even paler than usual, if possible, and - oh my, are his hands really shaking? Black walks slowly to Severus, but my Godfather still doesn't move a bit. Is that appropriate behaviour for a Slytherin, hmmm?

At last Black stops in front of him. Nobody dares to speak, we all just watch the two men in front of us. After all, this could result with something rather interesting.

"Well?" Black then asks, raising one of his elegant eyebrows.

Hey, wait a minute, elegant? I'm definitely not thinking about Harry's Godfather that way! For Salazar's sake, what has gotten into my mind? Too much time in Severus's companion, I suppose...

"And I didn't believe," Severus murmures with a very quiet voice. Then he very nearly causes me a sudden heart attack by kneeling down to the floor. And this man is supposed to be the Head of our House? I swear, if I ever imagined him kneeling in front of any other than Voldemort to save his life, I'd eat my desk without even salt! "I apologize," he says softly, bending his head down in an almost ashamed gesture. Then he repeats, "I apologize. I should have believed you... Of all people."

Wait a minute again, just what did he just say? Why'd he ever believe Black - they were worst enemies back then, right? ...Or is there something I haven't been told about? This is getting really interesting, now...

Seems that shocks aren't over for this evening, though. There must be some kind of a conspiracy, their only goal to make me die in a heart attack. Black now says equally softly, "Forgiven and forgotten," then reaches his hand out to Severus. My Godfather graspes on the hand, allowing himself to be pulled up. This alone is enough to shock me - even when he's been too injured to even stand on his own, he's never let Father or anyone else help him before he's collapsed and been unable to disagree to the treatments. Then Black seems to forget that there are any other people in the room but he and Severus, and envelopes our teacher in a warm, comforting embrace. "Forgiven and forgotten," he murmures again, his face bent down to Severus's shoulder - he's at least two inches taller than Severus, but he somehow manages to look like he's the shorter of the two. Our dear Potions Master doesn't say anything, but instead he embraces Black even tighter than he's embraced.

I can't help but stare, and I bet everyone other is staring as well. I've seen Father hug Severus, and Severus hug Father, but it's never been like this. Those times, I could always tell that they're friends, just friends and definitely nothing else. But this embrace, the warmth and intensity in it... it reminds me more of the couple of times I've seen Father embrace Lupin. And those times always lead to something much more than just embracing, something that makes me run far and fast.

My, my, Severus, you truly are full of surprises today, aren't you?

Like wanting to ensure that I'm surely going to pass out, McGonagall actually smiles. She doesn't just change her stony expression into a bit less stony expression, no, she actually smiles so that it can be recognized as a vaguely amused gesture. "It seems that the class is dismissed. Away, the lot of you," she says dryly. Even this sudden discovery can't shock her to do more than smile the little she did. Then, she simply slips out of the door like a bloody cat. Well, after all, she is a cat - in a way, at least.

Everyone begins collecting their stuff, chattering with excited tones. Nobody exits the classroom without giving the two men wary glances, though. I'd truly like to stay and hear an explanation for this, but it seems that Harry's friends are also staying, and I can't risk that. So, better be going. I can always come back later...

Oh, what the heck. I'll just simply eavesdrop, right? So, I wait until everyone else has disappeared from the corridor, then cast a simple spell to the door. Before this, I of course check that there's an unused corridor nearby - once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin, and I definitely don't want to get caught by Granger and Weasley.

Harry coughs politely, the ever-goodmannered Gryffindor he is. After a second he says, sounding like he's taking a great effort to keep his voice calm despite everything, "Am I horribly mistaken if I assume that you're maybe something more than only old friends?"

Severus snorts like only a Slytherin can snort - he sounds disbelieving, despising, angry, and definitely above everyone at the same moment. "Oh, no," he replies dryly with his stop-talking-nonsense -voice. "I walk around hugging men every now and then. Haven't you noticed?" That's it, Godfather, try sarcasm when you're too confused for anything else. Not that Severus isn't sarcastic otherwise, too.

"We even got engaged once," I hear Black's voice, with a half bitter, half sad tone glowing through even though he tries to sound happy, for Harry's sake, no doubt. "They took the ring from me when I was thrown to Azkaban. I hope they still have it."

After a second, Severus's voice comes through to me. "They don't," he says with a hoarse voice. Shit, he didn't sound hoarse even when he'd been screaming for half an hour under Cruciatus in the last battle! Will the surprises ever end today? "I kept it as well as my own. I have your wand safe as well." ...Well, I'm just stuck with surprises.

"All these years," Black whispers pathetically. "Even when you didn't believe..." Honestly, how sappy can this get?

Then, I hear Severus. "I maybe didn't believe," he replies, sounding like he's smiling, "but I never gave up hoping." So, here I get my answer. It can get this sappy.

"Romantic Snape," Weasley murmurs. "I think I'm going to be sick." For the first time in my life, I almost agree with the weasel-boy. Not that Severus didn't deserve some happiness, no, he's been through Hell and back and definitely deserves anything good coming to him, but... This is just plain weird.

"Hush," Granger hisses. I don't like her tone the slightest, though. Something in it gives me the impression that she doesn't approve the situation any more than Weasley does.

For a moment, it's completely quiet in the room. Then Weasley makes a choked sound. "Ergh," he growls. "Romantic Snape involved with Sirius. I have to get out of here!"

...Uh-oh. In an instant, I back away to the small corridor next to the classroom door. And not a second too late, even. Just as I get out of sight, the door bangs open, and Weasley rushes out. Just seconds after him, Granger exits the classroom, and they both practically run away.

...So much of hoping that they might some time, in the distant future, approve our relationship.

As soon as they have disappeared from the sight, I return to my previous place behind the door. "Pity," Black says, sounding sad. "What a pity." Then he askes, with a slightly worried and not a bit nervous tone, "Does this disturb you, Harry? I know that most of the people don't like gays. And I know that you don't like Severus very much..."

It takes all my willpower to keep from bursting into laughter. "That was the understatement of the year," I hear Severus murmuring with a hint of dry amusement in his tone. "Or maybe more like something along the lines of the understatement of the decade."

Harry chuckles. "You aren't serious, right?" he asks, amused. "Can you really imagine that I'd walk to my boyfriend and tell him, 'By the way, I just decided to not to talk with my godfather anymore, because he happens to be a gay and is engaged with your favourite teacher. Give me a kiss now.'" Yeah, always the ah-so-subtle Gryffindor, I see.

For a moment, it's completely silent behind the door. Then Black asks softly, "'Boyfriend'?"

Severus, in turn, says with an equally soft and a little bit amused voice, "Favourite teacher'?"

...Now, this seems to be a good place to be involved in the discussion. I push the door ajar, peering inside. "Ah, there you are," I say cheerfully as my eyes catch Harry. "I've been looking for you." I then step inside a grasp Harry's hand, not too tenderly, I admit. "Would you mind if I stole Harry?" I ask from the two men, not bothering to hide the mischievous glint in my eyes.

Black actually snickers. "We have nothing against it," he says, obviously doing everything he can not to start laughing. "Go ahead if you want him," he adds, winking at me.

"Thanks," I say, then grin and slip my arm through Harry's. "Oh, and congratulations for you two," I add, glancing at their hands. Just like I'd suspected, silver rings shine in their left ring fingers. There is a sapphire attached to each of them, and they look very nice. After this quick examination, I drag my boyfriend out of the room, determined to get out of sight before those two get to something even more shocking.

"Sorry that I didn't come earlier," I say apologetically once we get outside the classroom. "But with your friends there, it felt best not to stay. So when I saw them leaving, I decided to come in to check back on you. Only to make sure that you hadn't killed Snape, you know."

"Say it like it is," Harry commands with a teasing smile. "You couldn't hold back your curiosity, so you came back to see what was going on." And this guy calls himself my boyfriend? I'm sure that Severus knew for sure that I was eavesdropping, but no, not Harry, he'd never even suspect something like that. Always the trustful Gryffindor, I see.

"Maybe," I grin, not wanting to break his naive beliefs - those are part of why I love him, after all. "Or maybe I just decided it would be best to take you out from there before those two couldn't control themselves. Who knows how traumatic a show it would have been to you to see your godfather and most hated teacher making out in front of you?"

"I think that on that point I'd have run away like Ron and Hermione," Harry chuckles. Then he looks like somebody had hit him with a knife. He's obviously upset about his friends' reaction, and I can't really blame him from that. Homophobic gits.

"Ran away?" I echo, still trying to give him the impression that I know nothing of what happened after I left. "So they're homophobic, are they?" His sad expression is more than enough of an answer to me. "Oh, my poor boy," I sigh, drawing him into a tight embrace, my fingers drawing small circles to his back. "Don't worry, love. I won't let them upset you." Then, I give him a slight grin, trying to cheer him up a bit. "Hey, at least you don't have to worry about your godfather's attitude towards us, right? And I don't think that Lupin would be any more upset - I mean, he's been Black's best friend for half of their lives. I'd be completely surprised if he didn't know." Not to mention that I know for sure what way Lupin swings, but Harry doesn't need to know that. Father'd skin me if I told anyone about his little affair, and I truly mean anyone. Only Severus and I, and maybe Mother know about the fact that they're together.

"I don't know if he knows about Sirius," Harry murmurs, "but at least he knows about us."

Well, now I'm surprised. "Err... You didn't say what I heard you say, right?" I ask. Maybe I misheard it or something... "Our werewolf professor doesn't know about us, right?" It's bad enough that he's bedding my Father, I definitely do not need him knowing about my affairs!

"Yes, he does," Harry replies, lookin slightly amused. He clearly enjoys my shock. Stupid brat, is this how a true boyfriend behaves? I ought to strangle him, I ought to hit him, I ought to kiss him... Wait, that's not being angry. "He had somehow found out. He talked to me about it on one of my extra DADAs with him a month ago. He seemed to be only happy, nothing else."

"What if he tells somebody?" I ask, playing worried. I think I manage rather well. "Snape and your godfather won't tell anybody, not after seeing your friends' reaction. But he doesn't know how they'd take that! And if he doesn't know about my father... What if he tells?" Oh my, I'm surprising even myself, I didn't know I'd be this good an actor. Of course Lupin knows about Father, shit, it was him for whom Father became a spy!

"Calm down, Draco, dear," Harry smiles. "He can keep a secret. Hell, if he hasn't told Sirius - and he hasn't, you saw how surprised Sirius was - then why'd he tell anybody else? To be honest, I'm much more worried about Snape."

"Why?" I ask. Well, now I'm truly confused. Whyever would Severus tell anybody? "He'd never tell anybody! First, he doesn't want to spoil dad's mission, and second, he doesn't want to upset your friends."

"I don't think so," Harry says bitterly. "I think that he'll be only glad to have something to use on his advantage against me. He's made my life a living hell these past years! I don't see any reasons why he'd stop now, Sirius on his arms or not! He'll probably tell everyone during some Potions lesson, and then we'll be both as good as dead - Gryffindors will kill you and Slytherins will kill me!"

So that's it! Now I understand Harry's fear. "He's my godfather, he'd never do that to me. And he isn't that bad, you know," I smile. He truly isn't that bad, just snappish, easily angried and cold-mannered, never showing his emotions - a typical Slytherin, that is. "It was all only keeping up the Death Eater facade. And when he doesn't have to keep it up any more..."

"What do you mean?" Harry asks. It's seemingly his turn to be confused. "He's still a spy, right?"

Doesn't he really know? "No, he isn't," I say, smiling a bit sadly. I truly pity Severus, although I know he'd kill me if I ever said it aloud. "Didn't you know? The knowledge needed for capturing Pettigrew came all from him. This time Voldemort found out who was behind the betrayal. He knows that Snape is a traitor. He can't leave Hogwarts for a single moment, or they'll kill him the same second he steps outside."

"Oh." Harry is very pale. It isn't until now that he realizes just how serious a game we're playing. If Voldemort has discovered one of our spies, the same might happen again. "So there's only one good Death Eater remaining, right?"

"Right," I say, nodding. I can't help but look sad. Our game is truly dangerous, to us all. "My father. We have to hide this even more than before, if we want to defeat Voldemort."

"So I'd better hurry to the Gryffindor tower," Harry points out. "See you tonight." He pecks me quickly on the lips, then runs away.

I watch as he disappears to the corridor, feeling oddly empty like always when he leaves me alone. Then, not being able to hold back my curiousity, I creep back to the classroom door. Like I expected, it's locked. Pressing my ear against the door, I use my eavesdropping charm to get past the silencing charms they've obviously placed on the door.

"Merlin, Severus, do that again!" Black's voice gets to my ears.

"Eager, aren't we?" Severus's familiar, silky voice replies. "Now, let's see how you like this..."

I step backwards, struggling against the overwhelming urge to throw up. That was definitely more than I want to know about my Godfather's sex life.

***

A/N: I must say that I greatly enjoyed writing Draco's POV, trying to change all those events from Harry's half-POV to his was truly an interesting quest, because I had to try to retain his, shall we say, unique attitude to everything... Plus, as we just saw, he sees more details than Harry. So, as I'm on a good mood now, I'm giving you a teaser from the next chapter! ^_^

Eleven times.

Eleven times, I've attempted suicide. Fortunately, I haven't managed yet.

I can only wonder when that'll happen.

It's hard not to blame myself for it, even though I know that it's the wolf that makes me suicidal. I just can't help feeling that I'm betraying everyone whenever I press the blade against my wrist, whenever I weigh the poison phial on my palm, whenever I step to the edge of the window slide to fling myself down to the ground. There's no way to help that feeling, because I know it's true.

Still, I try again every time.