Our Little One

.~*~.Our little one. ~*~.

Chapter Fifteen

Be There for Me

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This part of the chapter is not from any particular first-person POV.

This chapter is partly flashbacks.

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The first thing Olivia saw was the familiar book in front of her. It was the song book, lying on a table next to her. A two-feathered Voice Quill was on top of it, scribbling all the time.

Remus was sitting on the edge of a small bed. There was another bed on the other side of him, a ways away from the first one. In both beds lay a child, one girl, one boy, at least regarding to the colours of their pyjamas: One of them had pink clothes, the other had light blue pyjamas. Anything else she couldn't see, as it was dim in the room, and she was quite some way away from them.

Remus was petting the boy's hair gently. He sang quietly a song that Olivia recognized from the book. "The gold is meant for the sun above," his soft tenor sang, "so that it would come and shine and shove all the doubts of our little minds aside..."

"The gold is there, and you can find it," a deep baritone joined in from the doorway, "if you look in the eyes of children, where the sun shines through the winter..."

Olivia listened in fascination as Remus and Lucius, both looking a bit younger than the Malfoys she knew, sang the song to the end. She sneaked nearer to the beds, trying to take a glance at the children, whom she assumed to be the Narcair's kids.

To her great surprise and shock, she noticed that she knew neither of them - and still she'd seen them both before.

*

Where the rainbow ends, so I've been told

There lies on the ground a pot of gold.

The gold is meant for the sun above

So that it would come and shine and shove

All doubts of our little minds aside.

The gold is there, and you can find

It if you look in the eyes of the children

Where the sun shines through the winter

That chills our hearts and takes the hope away.

Sleep, child, you pick the gold on the life's way.

*

Olivia woke from the memory. She'd dropped the book to her lap in shock of seeing the unexpected sight.

Shocked, she held her head with both hands. Those children in the memory had looked a bit familiar to her. She couldn't quite grasp on it, but she was sure she'd seen them somewhere. She let her gaze wander around the room, half hoping it'd give her some clues about where she knew the kids from.

Then, she saw the little angels on the shelf. And she understood.

Olivia slowly got to her feet, walking warily to the shelf. She examined the angels closely, noticing that she'd indeed been right.

This was where the children had been familiar from: They'd looked exactly like the crystal angels.

Determined to know what was going on, she reached out her hands, grasping on the tiny angels and thus entering the memories attached to them.

*

Olivia was standing on grass. She absently noticed she was in the garden of the Manor, and it was summer. The sun was shining, lighting up the whole garden with a soft, golden glow.

A bright green butterfly flew past. Its wings were glittering in the sunlight, emerald and jade and tree leaves in spring and many other greens she didn't have names to.

She heard a happy laugh, a child's laugh, and turned around. Then, she saw them.

Severus and Remus were there, true. Severus was smiling, he was happy. He was wearing blue instead of his usual black robes, and his black eyes were sparkling. Remus was happy also. He had a light blue shirt, along with dark green trousers. Remus's wand was slowly waving around. They were both watching two little children, around three or four years both.

The boy wore his long, platinum hair on a ponytail. He was wearing a green shirt and grey trousers, and he resembled Lucius disturbingly closely. Even his silver eyes were the same, fixed on the green butterfly.

The girl also looked a bit like Lucius, but not so much. Her hair was dark, reddish brown, and her eyes were also brown. She had on a blue sweater with a glittering picture of a unicorn on it, and she was also wearing a necklace with a silver pendant. She was reaching for the butterfly, trying to catch it but always only touching the small glitters of magic in its trail.

Olivia just stared, unable to do anything else. She blinked, and as she opened her eyes again, the picture was different.

*

The memory was from a time before the first one, she knew that. How she knew it, she couldn't be sure, but somehow she knew that the one memory before hadn't happened yet.

Olivia was in a room she knew all too well. Remus and Lucius's sitting room, to be exact. Only that it was nothing she was familiar with. Where she'd got used to see light and warmth were now shadows and an eerie atmosphere, and a saddened tone seemed to hang over the whole room.

Severus and Remus were there, though. The two children were there as well. The two wizards sat on the couch, watching silently as the children lay on the floor. The girl was scribbling something on a piece of parchment with the unmatchable skill of somebody below three years of age, while the boy was glancing through a bright-coloured story book.

Suddenly, the boy closed the book and stood. He climbed to the couch next to Remus, and tugged his sleeve. "Tell something," he demanded.

"What should I tell, Philip?" Remus asked with a little bit sad voice. "What do you want to hear?"

"Tell about Uncle Luc," the little boy asked. "And about Uncle Sirius, too."

Remus hesitated for a moment, only ceasing the petting as the girl abandoned her drawing and climbed to his lap. Then he started, carefully, "Lucius... he is a very proud man. He fights fairly, never uses low blows to win. He respects himself too much to turn to low-mannered options and knows he can get his way otherwise, too.

"To the outside Lucius is a very cold man," Severus's silky voice cut in. "But to those near him, he's very warm. He loves his family and friends, and is very protective of them. He still loves his ex-wife, Narcissa, like a friend. Lucius also loves Draco more than his own life, and Remus, well, he loves Remus more than anything." He glanced carefully at the werewolf, who was seemingly fighting to keep tears back.

"Your uncle didn't like your mother much," Remus said with a raspy voice, "nor did he like your father. Lucius didn't like them, because they'd done things that hurt him and his loved ones. But he likes you, Philip and Joyce, he loves you. There are a few things he holds dear in his old family, and you're definitely two of those things."

"Why he's not here, then?" the boy named Philip asked quietly. "If he loves you and us, why he's not here with us?"

"He would be, if he could," Severus assured the boy, noticing that Remus was on the verge of tears. "But the Ministry men have taken him from us."

"Why?" asked Joyce, her wide brown eyes full of confusion. Her drawing lay now on the floor, completely forgotten. "Why took Unca?"

"Because they are bad," Severus replied calmly. "And because they are stupid enough to listen to a man named Weasley, and Weasley is evil."

"Weasley also made them take Uncle Sirius," Remus continued quietly. "Sirius is also a proud man, although in a very different way than Lucius. Sirius is never afraid of anything, rather many things are afraid of him. He never thinks before he acts, much less before he speaks, and that's why we all love him so much."

"He's also loyal," the Slytherin picked on the story, his voice soft with held-back tears. "Loyal and honest, and faithful. Tell him a secret, and he won't spill it - usually," he added, exchanging pointed glances with Remus. "Sirius never cheats anyone. He values people's trust above anything else, excluding love, which he always values first." His voice trailed off, and he trembled - something Olivia'd never seen from her mentor.

"And to Sirius," Remus continued as Severus was unable to do so, "'love' means Severus."

For a moment, everyone was very quiet. Then Philip said, quietly, "They are good people."

"Yes," Remus said, hugging Joyce against himself, "they most definitely are."

*

Again, she was in the sitting room, but this time in a much more happy situation. Sirius and Severus were both sitting on a couch very near to each other, Sirius's arm around the Slytherin's shoulders, both looking inevitably happy. A child's book was open on the couch next to Severus, but neither of them gave it a single glance. Obviously, they were used to see children's things lying around.

On the couch opposite to them, Lucius and Remus sat, looking equally happy. Even though Olivia could tell that this memory was more recent than the previous one, Remus looked almost younger. Younger, and definitely happier. He had the little girl, Joyce, sleeping in his lap, looking definitely older than in the last memory. Philip, who also was seemingly a "big boy" already, at least more so than the last time, was asleep as well. He was curled up on the end of the couch, his head lying on Lucius's lap.

Even without seeing those two, she could have told there were children in the house. The storybook on the other couch wasn't the only thing lying around. There were a couple of bright-coloured balls, at least three fairly expensive dolls, stuffed animals, and many other toys all around the room. On one corner she saw a few more books, and on another a pile of papers and some wizarding crayons that shone in the darkness.

"Seems it's fairly late already," Severus chuckled just as Olivia was taking it all in. "Or when have you last seen these two voluntarily asleep before midnight?"

"Oh, a couple of times, in fact," Remus chuckled, scooping the sleeping child to his arms and rising to his feet. "Besides, you're the one who's supposed to know what the time is. With your infamous inbuilt clock, you don't need to look at their sleeping to tell the time!"

"It's actually a quarter past ten," the dark-haired Slytherin replied calmly. "Well past the proper bed-time of children this age."

"If I may remind, these are our children, not yours," Remus replied cooly, although a little smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth. "So, it's our job to decide when they go to bed." He steadied Joyce on his one arm, then bent carefully down to pick up the boy also. He didn't seem to have any difficulty carrying one child on each arm, although they were both so big that he could hardly hold them comfortably.

"Seems that you're using the extra strength on your full advantage," Sirius said with a smirk.

"And be glad about that," Remus said cheerfully. "Otherwise, I'd make you carry one of them, as we all know that Severus can't lift more than a phial at time and Lucius managed to get his arm broken." He sent a glare to the direction of his husband, then huffed, "I still don't understand why it's so necessary for you to try to blow up yourself!"

"I'm blowing up nothing, dear," Lucius said with a slight smirk. "I just happened to break my arm."

"Yeah, for the seventh time in the last six months!" Remus remarked as he carried the children towards the door. "You have beaten it up so badly that even a Skele-Gro takes two days to work!" He was gone before Lucius could answer.

The blonde man glared at the Blacks, who were both suppressing laughter. "Don't you dare," he hissed through clenched teeth. "If you ever tell him, I'll skin you alive!"

"Tell him what?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow in mock-surprise. "The fact that you botched that potion on purpose?"

"Or that you did that so you could use yourself as a test subject to your own healing potion?" Sirius smirked. "I'm sure Remus would love to hear that..."

Lucius glared again at them. Then, he drew his wand. "Accio envelope," he murmured, reaching out his hand. In an instant, a thick manila envelope flew to his hand.

"What's that?" Sirius asked, unable to keep his curiosity back.

"You'll see," the oldest man said with a wink and a smirk.

"You are insufferable, Lucius, you realize that?" Severus smirked at his best friend.

"I'm just trying to live up to my reputation," the blonde replied calmfully.

They kept on idle chatting until Remus returned, having put the children to their beds. The werewolf sat down next to Lucius, then noticed the envelope his lover was holding.

"What's that?" Remus asked curiously, eyeing carefully the object in his husband's hand.

"A little early birthday present to you, dear," Lucius said to the werewolf, pecking him on the cheek and handing him the envelope.

Remus opened the envelope curiously, taking some parchments out of it. As he saw them, he gasped, then dropped them to his lap and hugged Lucius tightly.

"What is it?" asked Sirius curiously, smiling at his old friend's enthusiasm.

"The adoption forms," Lucius replied for Remus, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and returning the hug. "Complete, signed, and accepted."

*

"Happy Birthday, Uncle Sev!" Philip yelled. He and Joyce were standing in front of the tall Slytherin, both in new clothes, jumping on their place with excitement.

"Happy day, Unca Sev!" Joyce giggled, earning warm smiles and chuckles from all the adults present - Remus, Lucius, Sirius, Narcissa, Thomas, Draco, Harry, and a woman whom Olivia recognized from the photo albums as Lilian Snape.

"Thank you, little ones," Severus chuckled, then crouched down to hug them both briefly. Olivia couldn't help but giggle at Harry's surprised expression which she saw over Severus's back.

"This is our gift," the little boy told him, sounding excited. He was reaching out a parcel that looked so messy and well-suffered that he'd definitely made it himself.

"Thank you, dears," the dark-haired Potions Master said, taking the parcel. The others tried hard not to laugh at the children's excited expressions as he purposefully took his time opening the gift.

At last, he got it open, and dropped a couple of some small objects from it to his hand. He surveyed the things closely, his long, silky hair blocking Olivia's view of whatever was on his hand. Then he again looked up, watching the children in turn. "Thank you," the lanky Slytherin said yet again, and smiled briefly. "These look just like you two!" he added, making the children laugh.

Olivia stared at the objects.

There were two little crystal angels resting on Severus's palm.

And, unsurprisingly, the memory faded away again.

***

"Olivia? Are you there?" Sirius asked. He stepped inside the room, looking for the girl.

As he spotted her, he froze.

"What's it?" Harry asked from the doorway. "Is something wrong?" He and Draco both came in. As they saw Olivia, they froze as well.

The girl was standing by the shelf. Her hands were clutching on the little crystal angels. Her eyes were staring straight forward, and her lips were silently moving, like she was talking to herself. It was more than clear that she wasn't in the real world, but in a trance.

A trance caused by the crystal angels. Seeing the memories attached to them.

"Oh shit," Sirius whispered, voicing the thoughts of them all. "Harry, go and get Remus and Lucius. Quick. And don't let Severus here. Whatever happens, don't let him come here."

Harry nodded, slowly. "This won't be pretty," he murmured, before turning around and leaving.

Sirius and Draco, still staring at the girl, could do nothing but agree.

***

It was summer time yet again. Olivia was standing near a little forest in the Manor's garden. She watched curiously around herself, until she spotted them.

Remus wasn't present this time, only Severus was. He was standing on the grass, holding a hand of each child in each of his hands. They were all staring at something in the forest.

Just as Olivia started to wonder what they were waiting for, she saw something emerging from the shadows of the forest. She gasped in surprise as she realized what it was.

Three shiny white unicorns came to sight, and the children squealed in excitement. Severus gave them a couple of last instructions, and let go of their hands. They immediately went to the unicorns, willing to pet their soft hair.

Olivia watched as Philip pressed his cheek against one unicorn's tail, amazed by its softness. Joyce stroked in excitement one shiny horn as the smallest of the unicorns bent her head down for the girl to pet. Severus watched everything with a tiny smile on his lips, obviously amused by the children's joy.

She noted that none of the unicorns made any attempts to approach the man. Even though they moved between the two children with ease, seemingly not at all bothered by their adoring, none took as much as a step towards Severus. 'Must be because of the Dark Mark,' she mused to herself.

At last, the amazing creatures grew tired. They gently shoved the children's hands off themselves, then nodded as if in goodbye, and went back to the forest. Joyce and Philip stared after them, then turned towards the tall Slytherin.

"Uncle Sev," Philip said excitedly, "that was amazing!"

"Yes, it was," said the dark-haired man, smiling down at both children.

Then he took their hands and started leading them away from the edge of the forest.

***

Something was wrong, Severus knew it.

He would have known it even without Harry running into the room, taking the Malfoys with him, and ordering Severus himself to stay without any further explanations. He knew it because something in the general atmosphere of the house had changed, telling him about distress and shock somewhere.

As the Malfoys were specifically addressed, it had to be something about Olivia. And if it was about her, Severus needed to know.

Turning to the right corridor, he took a few hasty steps towards the room Olivia was currently occupying, then stopped. The hairs in his arms were standing up. Every muscle in his body was tensed, and his nose caught a very special scent only existing to those with a very special talent.

It was the scent that only experienced Seers could smell. The scent of somebody Seeing.

He sniffed the air for several times. The scent was nothing like the usual scents, his behaviour nothing like the canine way Remus and sometimes even Sirius would sniff the air in order to know what was around them. The sniffing of his nose was more only a habit; the scent couldn't be clearer to him by any chance.

Somebody was Seeing, yes. Things that had already happened and became true. And not just visions of the past, no, these were real memories. Memories attached to some object - or objects.

The person Seeing wasn't very strong, at least not compared to him. It wasn't a miracle, though - the only other person in the Manor right now with the same talent as he was Olivia, whose powers hadn't developed yet to their strongest, and Severus himself belonged to the little group of strongest Seers in the country. And it was a Seer that was in a trance here.

He also smelled that the memories were his own.

This all took a mere second to sink in to him. Then, alarm bells began ringing in his head. He turned around on his heels, practically running away before the Seeing would tug him into the memories also.

***

The first thing Olivia knew about the new memory was a distracting, sharp smell, rather similar to that of burning hair. After that, her ears caught the distant noises. Then, she got her sight, and looked around her, curious to see her new environment.

At first, she saw only smoke and dust. There were screams and cries everywhere. As the smoke faded a bit, she could see people running away, and others lying on the ground, seemingly unable to get up.

She was standing in an enormous hall, large enough to hold hundreds of people. And there were people, yes; bruised and bloodied and wounded, everywhere. She saw one witch whose right arm was lying five feet from the rest of the body, and she felt like throwing up.

Olivia took a couple of shaky, tentative steps. She currently stood in a rumble of stones and rocks. As she glanced upwards, she saw that part of the ceiling had fallen on the floor. The remains of it were under her feet.

There was a foot sticking out from under one rock. It was so small, as long as her forefinger. A baby's foot.

The rest of the baby was under the stones.

Then, she spotted him. Severus, kneeled on the stones, frantically throwing them aside, trying to get to something under them. Other than the few scratches on his hands and the dirt on his robes and skin, he seemed to be completely unharmed. He still looked bad, really bad - there was an odd, almost insane glint in his eyes, and his expression was that of a hopeless man searching for some hope.

Olivia moved nearer, trying to see what he was looking for. She tried her best not to look at the bodies and single limbs sticking out of the pile of rocks she was walking on.

At last, she reached Severus's side. As she saw what the man was trying to get to, she felt like she'd faint on any moment now.

The thing Severus was trying to dig his way to was a long lock of platinum hair, crawling from under stones.

She watched as the man threw even more stones aside. At last he lifted up the final rock, from under which the hair was coming. Olivia leaned forward, trying to see what was underneath.

As she saw it, she wished she hadn't.

The boy's face had been crushed to a bloodied mass. His eyes were staring to the sky through the hole in the ceiling, his mouth opened in an endless scream. Severus turned his head away, tears flowing from under his closed eyelids.

At last, he seemed to collect himself. He reached for his wand and started levitating the rocks away. Olivia didn't know why he hadn't used magic before, but she supposed that the shock had affected him too badly - or he just hadn't trusted his magical skills yet, fearing that he might accidentally kill the people under the rocks if they still were alive.

The stones and rocks flew away, little by little revealing the small body. It was indeed Philip, dressed in Malfoy-green trousers and a white shirt. The shirt was now spotted with blood, at least the part that was remaining - most of the front of his body had become a bloody mass of torn flesh as the explosion had hit him there.

Severus bit his lip, then lifted the boy on his arms. Olivia followed him as he carried the boy away from the place. She tried not to look at the brush of reddish brown hair on the bottom of the hole Severus had dug to the rocks. She was sure that if she'd been inside her body, she'd been sick many times by now.

Severus carried the boy away from the area of stones. He lay the dead child on the floor next to another, larger body. Olivia realized in a flash that the man lying in front of her was Lucius. The platinum hair was tangled with blood, his green robes torn and bloody, and many cuts and wounds resided all around his body. But he seemed to be alive, luckily enough.

Severus stopped for a moment to collect his breath, then returned to the place where he'd found Philip's body. As he lifted yet another rock, both he and Olivia could see that it indeed was some of Joyce's hair coming from under the stones. Next to it was a small, pale hand, by some miracle unharmed. Severus reached out a hand to touch it in a mad wave of hope.

The hand got loose and stayed in his grasp, neatly cut off from the wrist.

***

Olivia screamed and pulled her hands hastily away from the angels. She took a couple of steps backwards, seemingly still in the trance, not seeing the world around her. Harry took a hold of her before she fell on the floor. Then he slowly lowered her on the floor, not risking the obviously shaken girl to her feet again.

For a moment Olivia stayed in the trance, merely staring in front of her. Then she seemed to break down, starting to cry helplessly. Harry held her up by her shoulders, not knowing what to do.

Then Remus kneeled down next to her. He looked very pale, almost sick. "It's okay, Olivia," he said in a soothing voice. "It's okay. Calm down, dear."

"It - it's not okay," she sobbed. "It was horrible. There were dead people and screams and crying and - Oh, Merlin, those babies..." Her voice trailed off, even more tears flowing down her cheeks. "And Philip and Joyce," she then whispered softly.

All the adults stared at each other. They had no idea what they could do. The only one who knew what exactly was in those memories, the only one who could tell them that and help them to figure out how to comfort Olivia the best, was the only one of them who couldn't come to this room without falling into a trance as well.

"They should have been playing," Olivia whispered, "they should have been chasing magical butterflies or petting unicorns. They should have been flying kites, laughing at Puffskeins, or making snow angels! They shouldn't have been lying there... Under the stones..." She lost her voice again, sobbing comfortlessly.

Remus decided to take the risk and put his arms around the trembling teenager, rubbing her back soothingly. Fortunately, she was already too upset to feel uncomfortable with that. She merely clutched on his robes, pressing her teary cheeks against the soft material and weeped to Remus's chest. The werewolf petted her hair and back, being for a moment just like any parent to their little child.

At last, she raised her teary eyes to see the people around her. Sirius was standing in the doorway, seemingly torn between the urges of staying and going to search for his husband. Draco and Harry also stood there, Draco snaking his hand into Harry's. Next to her and Remus stood Lucius, leaning on his cane, a worried look on his face.

Olivia now locked her eyes at her blonde father. "You were in Azkaban," she said softly. "They said you were."

"That's true," Lucius admitted quietly, nodding his head slowly. "I got out of there about six months later as Remus, Severus, and Dumbledore at last fought me free of the accusations."

His eyes slid off focus, a distant expression entering his face as he slipped into the old memories.

~*~*~*~

This part of the chapter is from Lucius's POV.

~*~*~*~

7th of January, 1999

*

It's so cold here. So fucking cold, and lonely, too.

I wasn't cold once. I remember warmth... Warmth, and strong arms wrapping around me, holding me, keeping me safe. For a moment, I feel good.

Then they come. They are swarming around my cell, hungry for my memories, my feelings. They suck away the happiness and warmth, take the memory of you away from me. They take the warmth of your smile, your glowing eyes, your sweet words in my ears.

I still remember you. I can't help but remember, but I only remember the bad things, not the good ones.

I remember your tiny body, covered with scars, shivering in the coldness of the morning after yet another full moon.

I remember your eyes, accusing me; I hear your sharp words, "Then you can kill me on my seat." How could I ever hurt you? How could I ever raise my hand against you? And yet I remember your cold eyes, honestly expecting me to kill you.

I remember your screams echoing in my mind. I see your body; writhing and struggling in the grip of the cruel silver ropes. And I remember myself, standing back and watching you suffer.

I remember standing next to your bed, not knowing whether you'll ever wake up. I remember waking up and fearing that you might not be there, standing next to me.

I remember you standing next to me, hesitating. You don't answer, and I wait. Everyone waits. I remember fearing your answer, fearing that you might back away on the last moment, that you don't want me anymore. I remember the suspension and silent agony, and yet I'm unable to remember your answer. I can't remember you saying, "Yes." And I can't recall you answering, "No," either. I'm beginning to wonder whether you answered at all, or did we just stand there until I broke down with my fears, now being trapped inside my own insane mind.

After that, I remember nothing. Only your eyes when they took me, the distress and fear on your face, the scream I remember escaping your lips and never remember ending. I want to think that you were upset because you cared about me, but the thought leaves my mind as soon as it enters it. The only reason they allow me to have is that you fear for yourself, that they're going to take you also.

I wonder if they've taken you. Maybe they've killed you. They called you a beast, wanted to kill you. Have they done it now?

If they have, was it because of me?

New memories come to me, replacing the others in my mind. These memories are older, before the time they took me. Your pale body lying on the floor, blood pooling around you like poison, burning my eyes with its colour and my nostrils with its scent.

I remember your wrists, the smooth skin now crossed by an uneven, harsh line on both hands. I also remember the knife, it slid from your small hand, still tainted with your blood.

I hear your voice, quietly telling that you were tired of it all - death, fights, fear. I feel the freshly scarred lines under my fingers, as real as on the day I felt them. I see your eyes, full of regret, but not of regret about what you've done, but about being unsuccessful.

I remember the day I realized you didn't want to live anymore.

Days are so long here, nights filled with painful nightmares. I often wake up screaming and in cold sweat, unable to think about anything good, since every time I catch a nice memory they come, feeding off it until it dies away. Voices, faces, eyes accusing me, hurting me, tearing me apart - and still they can't hurt me half as much as the memories of you.

Today, yet new memories come to me. I see you, watching as your friend walks to the altar, your eyes envying him even though your mouth smiles. You wanted to be on their place but couldn't, they wouldn't let you marry, and it was unfair and you were hurt and envious even when you didn't want to be.

And for my life I can't remember what you answered on the altar.

I remember the long years without you. I've relived a thousand times every moment I missed you, every night I dreamed of you, every morning I woke up alone, every time I looked at my son and thought that he should be yours also. All this I've lived again and again, and never can I remember being happy, even less being with you.

***

I startle as somebody grasps my arm. I see Remus watching me with a look of concern on his face. Olivia is also watching me intently, looking frightened. Everybody else in the room is looking at me, too.

I shake my head to clear it of the fuzzy mess it's become. Then I force a smile to my lips. "Sorry," I mumble, casting my eyes to the nearby wall as I can't bring myself meeting Remus's intense gaze. "It's the Azkaban... I didn't have an animal form to escape to. It... left its traces, the time I spent there."

They all nod slowly. I hope they believe me, at least Olivia - the others more or less know it already, as it is perfectly true. Azkaban truly leaves its marks even in as short time as a month. Remus once had to spend a month - and a full moon - there, and he still sometimes has nightmares about it, often around the full moon. Severus has only been a couple of weeks at best, and he has, fortunately, been saved from the aftereffects. Sirius, who has been there the longest of us all, could always switch to his dog form - and he still has nightmares. Me, I was there for half a year, and I'm not an Animagus.

They understand it does things to a person. They have to. They've all been there themselves - well, Harry and Draco haven't, gladly, but Remus, Sirius, and Severus have. They know what the Dementors are like, what it's like to be hopeless and empty and drained of all warm feelings.

Harry and Draco still have grim expressions. They've seen me having these fits often enough to know what it is about. Sirius bites his lip to prevent the memories coming back to him also, and Remus looks simply worried about me. And Olivia... Olivia looks frightened.

I sigh and walk to her, testingly placing my hand on her shoulder. To my great relief, she doesn't jerk away or even flinch; she just stares at me with wide silvery eyes so similar to my own, and yet so different. I wonder what's the secret behind her birth. Who really was her father?

"We all have dark pasts," I say quietly. "They are bound to affect us sometimes. I'm sorry if I frightened you with my behavior."

"It's okay," she says, and manages a little, shaken smile. "I - I'm just upset about everything I saw." She's quiet for a moment, her eyes wandering down to the ground, then snapping back to me. "Why have you never told me about them?" she asks quietly, tears veiling the silver eyes.

"It's too painful," I reply, my voice quiet even in my own ears. "They were so little and happy, and then - then they died." I swallow and close my eyes. "And it was my fault," I then continue. It was my fault, after all. It was me who took them there, it was me who didn't realize just how dangerous it would be.

It was me who killed them, and yet I was the one who survived.

"Stop that, Lucius," Remus says quietly. He walks to us and puts a hand on both of our shoulder. "Lucius blamed himself, far from the beginning," he tells to Olivia. "He thought that it was his fault, for taking them to the Potions Masters' meeting. Obviously, he still thinks so." He chews his lip for a moment, then continues, "It was nobody's fault, really. Lucius was expected to be there, and it being the day after the full moon, I couldn't take care of them - something that I couldn't help."

I shake my head slowly. Remus just fails to understand that it indeed was my fault - but I'm not going to argue with him about it. That'd just make him even more upset, and that's the last thing I want to happen. "You're right, we should have told you," I say to her. "They are the reason why we were so upset at Christmas - Christmas Day was when Remus recognized their bodies and they were officially announced to be dead. We always go to their grave then - their ashes are buried under a statue of an angel in a little room in the East Wing."

At first she looks hesitant, then says quietly, "I saw you... In that room, when I got lost in the corridors. I didn't ask anything, I didn't want you to get mad at me..."

Remus draws her to his embrace yet again. "Never be afraid of asking," he says reassuringly. Tears form a veil over his amber eyes as he goes on, "Philip and Joyce are also the reason why I got upset that day at the Narcairs'. The song you were singing to the children, it was the same that I sang in their funeral..." Then he breaks into quiet sobs, and Olivia, too, starts quietly crying again.

I catch Sirius's gaze over their heads and shake my head, sending him a message. He nods, understanding, and leans over to whisper the same to Harry's and Draco's ears. Both youngs nod to me, and I give them a little, tight-lipped smile.

They understand to keep their mouths closed. Some secrets simply aren't meant to be found out.

~*~*~*~

This part of the chapter is not from any particular first-person POV.

~*~*~*~

Olivia was in her laboratory, just about to finish the potion Severus had assigned to her. It was quite simple recipe, but as it was the base for many advanced potions, Severus had wanted to make sure she could brew it properly.

She was quite watchful at the moment. After the incident in the Quidditch match she'd been extremely careful all the time. Still ashamed about her inexplicable freak-out, she tried to keep herself as calm as possible. This far, she'd been rather successful.

Suddenly, there was a sound of somebody entering the room. Olivia turned around, expecting to see her Father or maybe Severus.

She stared in horror at the man who'd forbidden her keeping contact to Angelina and Audrey - the little girls' father.

Ronald Weasley.

*

Lucius and Remus sat in their sitting room in a rather comfortable silence. Both were still wary, though - they knew that a Ministry official would come at any moment, deciding whether Olivia was allowed to still stay as their child. Of course, they both hoped desperately for a positive result.

Suddenly, the door banged open. Olivia came to the room, her lips trembling. As Remus noticed this, he reached out his arms to his daughter. Immediately Olivia fell to his embrace, starting to sob quietly.

"Shh, dear," Remus whispered, cradling the girl in his lap. "What's wrong, Olivia? Why are you crying?" He exchanged worried glances with Lucius over the girl's head.

"It's Weasley - the mean man from the Quidditch match," she started. "He came to my laboratory - asked what I was doing. I answered him, trying not to make him angry. We talked for a moment - he asked a lot of things about you, and about me being here. Then, suddenly, he grasped on my arm..."

Remus hugged her even tighter. "What did you do?" he asked quietly, exchanging glances with Lucius over the girl's head.

"I - I ran away," Olivia confessed, trying to swallow back the tears that still continued to fall. "I don't know why, but - I just got scared." The girl was quiet for a moment. "I hate being weak," she then muttered, her eyes cast down to the floor.

"You're not weak," Lucius assured her. "Believe me, you have very good reasons for your behavior - reasons good enough that the Ministry officials have removed them from your mind."

Olivia looked confused. "Removed from my mind?" she echoed, sniffling.

Lucius sighed deeply and nodded. "There's a Memory Charm cast upon you," he explained. "How they managed to do that without damaging your mental abilities is beyond me, but then again, I've always only truly understood Potions and Dark Arts." The blond man gave the girl a concerned glance. "Believe me, Olivia, we only allowed it because we think it's the best for you. We'd never hide anything you really need to know from you."

"I - I know that," she replied, wiping away her tears. "But - Weasley said he was going to talk with you, too."

"I'll go and find him," Lucius said, starting to rise from his seat.

Remus, however, stopped him with a raised hand. "I'll go," the werewolf said. "I want to have a little chat with Mr. Weasley."

"Fine, you go," Lucius agreed, giving his husband a slight nod. Not needing more encouraging, Remus walked to the nearest mirror, pressing his platinum seal ring against it.

"Where's the guest?" he asked as soon as the silver dust appeared to the surface of the mirror.

"In the smaller hall," replied the familiar, cool voice from the mirror.

"Take me there," Remus commanded, and stepped through the mirror.

As soon as he stepped out of the mirror on the other side, he faced one Mr. Weasley. The redheaded man blinked in surprise as he saw the Second Master of the Manor stepping out from a mirror, but otherwise, he kept reactionless.

"You scared my daughter," Remus started simply. If the man didn't care about formalities, neither would he.

"I did," Weasley admitted, not even trying to deny it. "I think it's obvious that you've done something to her if she's that afraid of men."

"She's not afraid of men in general, just of straight men," the werewolf replied coolly. In his mind he was busy imagining how he would slowly rip the man into shreds, thus trying to keep his rage under line.

"What would you know about that?" the Ministry official spat out. "It's rather obvious that you aren't a man at least, much less straight!"

Now, Remus was getting really furious. "Mister Weasley, I don't think -" he started with an ice-cold voice he'd picked from Lucius, but he was interrupted by the younger wizard.

"Don't talk to me!" Weasley growled. "I don't care what you think! You're only a pathetic cock-sucker, aren't you?"

Remus flinched, hurt by the younger man's words. He opened his mouth to reply, but suddenly they heard a cold voice from the door.

"Yes, he is," Lucius said, smirking at the redhead. "And a damn good one, I might say. But since when have you had such an interest for the technics of gay sex, Mr. Weasley?"

Weasley flushed in anger. "You don't have rights to talk to me like that," he growled. "I'm a Ministry official!"

"Really?" Lucius walked nearer, his expression turning nearly threatening. "And I'm a member of the Ministry Council as well as the Potions Master Council. And you have insulted my husband, who happens to be the Keeper of the Wolf's Staff, as well as scared my daughter for the second time. I insist you to leave on this very moment and not come back to our home before I or one of my family members tell you otherwise."

"Fine," Ronald murmured. In an instant he Disapparated from the Manor.

"Remus, darling?" Lucius said, walking nearer. "What did he say to you?"

"Not much," Remus replied quietly. "You heard the most important parts, I believe."

"Oh, my poor love," the older man sighed, drawing the werewolf into his embrace. "Don't care about him. He's just a homophobic git who holds grudges for far too long."

"He's also the one who can decide whether or not the adoption will be confirmed," Remus pointed out bitterly.

"I'll take care that they send another official," Lucius promised firmly. "I'm not going to let that excuse of a man rip my family apart. Everything will be all right, love. Just wait and see."

"I hope so," Remus said quietly. "I truly hope so, for I do not want to lose Olivia."

To that, Lucius couldn't say anything. Instead, he just hugged Remus even tighter.

*

"Well, how was it?" Sirius asked curiously as Severus walked in.

"Plain dumb," the Slytherin sighed, sitting heavily to the couch next to his lover. "I just stood there for fifteen minutes, and then, that's it. I wasn't even needed there - only five had tried the test, and none of them passed!"

"Why do you have to be there, then?" Sirius asked. "I know that the announcer doesn't get the knowledge of them passing or failing until in the ceremony, but couldn't they inform you whether you're required there or not?"

"No, because I am required, regardless of the situation," Severus grumbled. "It's a tradition. Only the Lead Potions Master can let new members into the ranks. And, at the moment, only my wand is capable of completing the badges. It doesn't matter whether any of them pass or not, I have to be there just in case somebody does."

"Well, when you attended to the final test, the Lead Potions Master wasn't there for nothing," Sirius said with a smirk.

"No, definitely not." Severus smirked, too, as he recalled the memory.

***

4th of September, 1980

*

"Allen, Timothy, fifth time... lacks forty-nine points."

Severus glanced to his left, where a wizard, by his looks around thirty years old, groaned aloud and slapped his forehead. The young Slytherin couldn't help but raise his eyebrows questioningly. If he truly lacked forty-nine points out of a hundred on his fifth time, why even bother to try?

As more names and scores were called, however, he noticed that the man was more a rule than an exception. Most lacked over fifty points, and a middle-aged witch, a first-timer just like Severus, had only got three points in the whole test.

As his name came nearer, he steeled himself. Only one wizard this far had passed, on his seventeenth attempt at the test. Severus had heard that most gave up after their seventh or eighth time. They were already entitled to do almost any potions work, what would one level more mean?

Really, they had absolutely no ambition. Severus, personally, could not accept any other position but that of a Potions Master. Even as a child, he'd already known what he'd be - and he was determined to reach that destination.

"Saldar, Alicia, ninth time... passes, with the usual notice, 'Almost.'"

A couple of seats to right from him, a brown-haired witch, maybe around forty years of age, let out a cheerful shout. Severus clapped politely along with the others as the witch, like the wizard who had passed before her, walked to the stage. There, the Lead Potions Master tapped her badge with his wand, making a small diamond fly from an iron box to its respective place.

Even though it was almost completely unfamiliar to his character, Severus was starting to get nervous. He fiddled with his own badge, a full golden potion vial. Most of the usual nine tests had been easy to him, and he'd always passed them on the first time, with full points. Now, however, the test had been more difficult than he'd imagined even in his worst nightmares. Only full points would get him pass the test.

Lucius had lacked only ten points at his first time, which was really exceptionally well, and he'd passed on his third time, which was almost unheard of. Right now, Severus was hoping that he wouldn't lack more than thirty points, as seventy points at the first time was considered the line between a normal potions' brewer and a brilliant one.

"Snape, Severus, first time," the official read from his papers. Everyone fell silent again. Severus nailed his eyes at the official, completely oblivious to the nudge he got from the Glamoured Sirius next to him.

For a moment, it was silent as the official crumbled, like not believing what he'd read.

'Oh, no,' Severus thought. 'I probably got no points at all... Is that why he doesn't announce me yet?'

Then, the official announced, his voice hardly more than a whisper but still well audible in the quiet hall, "Passes... with no other notices."

For a moment, everyone sat still in a stunned silence.

Then, a slow, loud clapping started from the seat to right from Severus, where Sirius sat under his disguise. Almost immediately, everybody joined the applauding.

Somebody - Sirius? - nudged Severus to the back, and he stood slowly, feeling numb. The thunderous applauding followed him to the stage.

As he rose the steps, he was still thinking that it was some kind of a twisted joke. Nobody passed on their first time. As long as there'd been Potions Masters, there'd been no one who had passed the test on their first time! Even the current Lead Potions Master hadn't passed until on his third time, like Lucius.

Then, the Lead Potions Master stood before him. The old wizard eyed him carefully for a moment, then curled his thin lips into a smile. "Looks like I've found myself a follower," he murmured, then tapped his wands against Severus's badge. Another diamond flew from the well-guarded box and magically attached itself as a stopper to the vial figure.

And thus, Severus Snape joined the ranks of Potions Masters, nobody questioning his justification to that.

***.

"I have to admit, you look good in white," Sirius said, bringing him back from the memories. "You should wear it more often."

Severus snorted. "I look terrible in white and know it very well," he argued. "I'm only wearing it because it's expected from all Potions Masters in official occasions concerning our Guild. Unlike Muggle scientists, we can use Self-cleaning Charms on our laboratory robes, so practically any colour would do - it's only white for the effect." He did, however, stroke slightly the golden badge on the front of his robe. The diamond still stood there, along with a ring of tiny rubies around it, indicating his position on top of the ranks.

"And yet you know that effects are everything when it comes to the public," his husband smirked. "You're too much a Slytherin to ignore that."

"If I'm too much a Slytherin for something, then why did I marry a Gryffindor?" Severus snapped.

"You could always use temporary mental disturbance as an excuse," Sirius offered cheerfully.

The Potions Master let out a disbelieving snort. "Temporary? For the love of Salazar, my dear, we'll have eight years of marriage in May!"

"Not necessarily. You still have time to change your mind!"

Severus rolled his eyes, then smacked his husband on the arm. "Oh, shut up," he chuckled. Then he moved nearer, staring right into the sapphire eyes of his lover. Sirius met his gaze steadily. They moved still nearer, until their lips were just an inch apart.

Then, there was no distance between their mouths.

Just as they both lay on the couch, Sirius on top, and Severus had a hand snaking its way under Sirius's shirt, somebody fell out of their fireplace.

Sirius broke off the kiss, really annoyed. "Is it truly so important?" he started to complain as he turned towards their visitors, slightly flushed.

The words died on his lips, however, as they saw the state the Malfoys were in. Lucius looked pale and almost frightened, something completely unfamiliar to him, and Remus's lips were trembling, his hands clutching tightly the blond man's arm.

"Lucius? Remus?" Severus asked, sitting up on the couch and hastily buttoning the couple of top buttons of his official robe Sirius had already had time to open. "What's the matter?"

"Severus," Lucius said, sounding very tensed, and seemingly completely oblivious to the rather suspicious position they'd found their friends in. "You work under the Family Department, right?"

"Right - as well as under the Potions Master Department," the other Slytherin replied. He raised a curious eyebrow. "Why so? You look like you had run all the way from the Manor."

"You have to help us!" Remus cried out before Lucius had time to say anything. "Weasley is trying to take Olivia from us!"

Sirius's expression darkened threateningly. "WHAT?" he exclaimed. "How that bastard dares?"

"He's telling everybody that a girl abused by men shouldn't live with only men around," Lucius explained, wrapping his arms around his husband's shoulders in order to calm him a bit. "And that because she's suffered because of Death Eaters, the presence of two former Death Eaters, a werewolf and an ex-convict will hurt her mentally before long, causing her maybe even very serious mental injuries."

"Rubbish!" Sirius growled. "You've done more good to the girl than anybody else could. I'll kill him, I swear I will!"

"Calm down, dear," Severus said, placing his hand on the Animagus's arm. He had a thoughtful expression on his face. "So she shouldn't have too many men around? Or anything involving the Dark Arts?"

"Right," Lucius nodded. "And... They're going to put Olivia somewhere other than in our family until the trial is over - Weasley is going to have a trial, he seems to be very determined to spoil our lives. Could you possibly affect the other officials in any way so she wouldn't be placed in an orphanage once again?"

"Sure," Severus smiled. "I'll have her put to the Narcairs or perhaps Lilian, they'll surely help you out. Now, please excuse me - I have some research to do." He disappeared from the room, looking still very thoughtful.

"Don't worry, Moony," Sirius said, squeezing his friend's shoulders. "Sev will help you. Olivia'll be back to you before you even notice."

"I really hope so," Remus murmured. "I just couldn't bear it, should we loose another child." Then he broke down, crying helplessly.

Lucius drew the weeping werewolf into a warm embrace. He was crying as well, silent tears rolling over his cheeks as he mumbled soothingly into his mate's ear.

Sirius looked at his friends, feeling helpless. He couldn't ease their situation the tiniest bit. He could only look at them, try to comfort them in some way, but not do anything concrete.

So, he did all he could. He sat down, summoned a quill and a piece of parchment, and started writing a letter to the younger of his sisters-in-law.

*

"Malfoy Manor, master sitting room!" Minerva McGonagall called as she tossed some of the Floo powder to the green flames. She then waited patiently for somebody to appear to the flames.

Soon, somebody came. But it was neither of the men he'd expected to see. Not Remus, not Lucius - instead, there was a young girl whom Minerva had never seen. She had grey eyes, a golden brown ponytail and a little scratch on her left cheek.

"Why were you calling?" the girl asked, sounding a bit curious.

"Em..." the Deputy Headmistress started, then shook her head and collected herself quickly. "I'd like to talk with Remus or Lucius Malfoy, please."

"They're not here," the girl replied rather calmly. "They said they had some business to do. Father said they'd be back for dinner, but I doubt that - Dad looked quite upset about something." She got a bit worried expression on her face, raising a hand to seemingly subconsciously tug at her ponytail.

"'Father?'" Minerva echoed. "'Dad?'"

"Yeah," the young witch replied. "I'm Olivia Malfoy, their adopted daughter." She adopted a bit surprised look. "Although I thought everyone knew about it already," she added then. "Draco's said that every wizarding newspaper and magazine has told about me by now."

"I don't listen to gossips," the Animagus huffed. "I have no time for those. Anyway, could you take a message?"

"Sure," Olivia replied, nodding. "What it is?"

"Just tell them to firecall Minerva McGonagall," she instructed the girl. "Say that I have some information they should know."

"Will do," the girl promised. Then she bade her goodbyes and vanished from the fire.

Minerva, however, sat in an armchair in front of the fireplace for a long time, thinking.

*

Three very quiet men sat in the master sitting room of the Malfoy Manor. Severus wasn't there, as he'd left to take Olivia to the Snape Manor, where she was supposed to stay until the trial was over. He was the one to do that, because after noon of that day, Olivia wasn't allowed to be in the presence of either of the Malfoys outside the courtroom until a different decision had been given. So, in the meantime, Lucius and Sirius were chatting with hushed voiced, every now and then tossing concerned gazes to Remus, who sat in an armchair with his arms around himself, struggling against tears.

Suddenly, they heard sounds of somebody pecking at the window glass. As they turned towards the window, they saw the form of a large bird flying behind it. Sirius got warily up from his seat, walked to the window, and opened it.

A dark brown Ministry owl flew inside. It held a letter in its claw, which it dropped to the table in front of them. Without even stopping, it flew back to the window, obviously not having been instructed to wait for a reply.

Lucius grabbed the message, tearing it open. His stormy grey eyes darted quickly through the letter. Once he'd read it, he growled angrily, crumpled the paper, and tossed it to the floor.

"Lucius? What was it?" Remus asked, sounding startled.

"The bastard demands taking the Memory Charms away from Olivia's mind," Lucius said angrily. "'To prevent shocks during the trial,' he says. Prevent shocks my arse! He only wants to give her reasons to hate Death Eaters - meaning me and Severus."

"I bet he's also trying to scar her," Sirius commented darkly. "That way, he'll have more 'evidences' of you being unfit parents!"

"Whatever it is he's trying," Remus said hollowly, "it's obvious that Olivia's wellbeing is the least important matter in his mind."

"Did you ever even suspect anything else?" Lucius snorted.

"Well, what are you going to answer to the demand?" Sirius asked then seriously (no pun intended).

"Do we really have a choice?" Lucius asked, spreading his arms in a desperate gesture. "If we refuse, he'll say that we're afraid of those memories, or parts of them, changing her opinion about us to worse. And, concerning what kind of memories they are, that's the image we have to avoid at almost any cost."

"Even with the cost of Olivia's sanity?" Remus asked quietly.

"Her sanity could be restored," the Slytherin replied gloomily. "But if an adoption is once cancelled due to reasons not caused by the state of life of the adoptive parents, it can never be confirmed again."

"So, your options are the slim chance that she goes insane, and the almost certain knowledge that you'll lose her forever?" Sirius stated.

Lucius could only nod. He had nothing to add to that.

*

Draco leaned back in his chair, taking another newspaper to his hands. He began lazily glancing through it, his eyes darting from a title to another. A couple of times he stopped to examine something more closely, but then continued, not caring about the stories for long.

He did like his job, sure. Most said it was dull and boring, but he didn't think that way. At least he kept easily up to date about everything happening in the Muggle world, and he always knew what was the situation between the two worlds.

His job description was fairly simple: To look over the Muggle newspapers, searching for any signs of wizarding action getting to them. He rarely found something, and even when he did, the Muggles had usually explained the things so they would fit their senses. Sometimes, however, it was necessary that he contacted the other officials, and an "official" explanation to the weird events could be published in the Muggle press.

He tossed the newspaper aside, taking the next in pile to his hands. As he opened the first page and started to glance over the titles, he suddenly froze.

"Where are you, Olivia?" screamed the title. Draco swallowed. This couldn't be true.

But it was. The picture next to the title was of a younger girl, in Muggle clothes and her hair a lot shorter, but it still was clearly Olivia.

He started reading the article.

"On 5th of September 2002, Olivia Amber Darkholm left her home in Surrey," he read from the paper. "She hasn't been seen since then. Shortly after Olivia's disappearance, her mother divorced her father because of his violent and abusive behaviour.

"Olivia's mother, Maria Smithson, aka Magpie, married Johan Smithson shortly after the divorce. Despite the long time following Olivia's disappearance, she's still willing to believe she'll find her daughter some day.

"'I love Olivia, and I want nothing more but get her back,' says Maria. 'Olivia, you can come home now. It is safe, Marcus can't hurt you anymore.'

"Anyone knowing about Olivia is asked to contact Maria Smithson immediately. When she was last seen, she had light grey jeans, a green hooded sweater and black shoes. She has light brown hair and grey eyes..."

Draco couldn't read more. He just stared at the newspaper, not really seeing it.

I can't contact the woman, he thought. Dad and Remus would never get over losing Olivia also.

But if I can get this paper, then Weasley surely can.

And Weasley will not hesitate contacting Maria Smithson.