Draco's Diary (It's Secret, Ya Know)

10^th Entry: September 6^th (Night)

Today was a very good day that ended in humiliation!

Mainly because I finally got some action!! YUS!

I boned Ginny Weasley!

Potter halted as soon as the sun went down this evening, claiming he had seen werewolf tracks. (they don't know that this was my doing...I got bored.)

Blaise gave a frightened squeak, Granger nearly jumped into Weasley's arms, while his hot little sister (thoroughly despoiled now, but I'll come back to that) seized his arm in alarm, and Pansy ran to my side with a squawk of terror. Fortunately, I was standing next to a tree and ducked behind it in the nick of time. Parkinson ran face first into the tree, resulting in a mouth full of bark and two hands full of moss.

*shudders* God...what would have happened if I hadn't been so wonderfully nimble?

Not to mention bored!

There's nothing to do on this quest! If I had of known it was all walking, walking, rationing food, walking, walking, listening to Pansy moan about her family, her pet Crup, her corns, her cramps (that had me sleeping with both eyes open) and worst of all, how much her bra chafed.

This horrified me so much that I ran to the edge of a cliff and yelled out, 'YOOHOO! COME AND EAT ME!'

And my voice echoed back to me from the chasm, sounding strangely like, 'Me beastie, me do that thing.'

Faintly disturbing, that.

Still, ominous threats from unknown entities help to break up the day nicely around here.

Would you believe it? None of them knew that we have been going around in circles! I've tried to prove it to them by dropping things around en route, like Blaise's knickers (she left them behind that night in the common room - I considered having them framed, but decided it would be awfully tasteless. They're not designer!) Potter's blankey (he sobbed for an hour, thinking he had lost it!) and I even dared to seize a pair of Ron Weasley's dirty socks.

They looked at these things with great interest, Potter crying out, 'This is good! It means we're on their trail!'

I almost wept with frustration.

How can anyone be so wilfully stupid, and yet still manage to defeat the most evil wizard in creation?

I thank my father's genes that I am this intelligent, and my mother's that I am this diabolically handsome. I blame Grandpa Malfoy for my horrible pointy ears and chin, though...

ANYWAY!!!

I'm getting off the frigging topic again.

Potter set us all on watch for blocks of two hours each. He took the first watch while everyone else lay down to sleep. I was extremely manipulative, and left a note for Ginny in her sleeping bag, saying that I desperately needed to talk, and to meet me in the woods. Although, I did leave a love poem in there which had been intended for Blaise.

It said:

My darling one,
I have always found that love is such
a sweet poison that you take too much,
And don't even realise you're drunk and in pain.
Until it's coursing through the veins.

I'm drunk on your poison.

To my surprise, she was waiting for me! I had no idea that using that old line would have such a heaving bosom effect on girls. I shall have to remember it...

Anyway, Ginny was so much in love with the poem, and me, that she wanted me right then and there! I mentioned protection, and she whipped out some condoms.

Now, I do know of some contraceptive charms (pioneered by some poor wizard with twenty-six kids!), but someone who hasn't even done their NEWTs yet would be foolish to attempt one. Mainly because they can result in lifelong impotence, permanent "softness" (if you catch my drift) and even total loss of...*gulps* equipment.

It was fantastic, she agreed to every filthy little thing I suggested, and we ended up getting jiggy with it up against a tree! That's a first for me.

Right at the end, she turned such a deep shade of red that I blushed as well.

She leaned close to my ear, and expecting something along the lines of, 'Draco, you sex god!' or even 'Draco, let's elope!'

But NOOOOOOOOOOO!!

She whispered, 'Ron's watching. I'm going to kill him!'

I turned around, only to see Ron Weasley amongst the trees staring at my moonlit backside.

He gave a squawk like a dyspeptic chicken and fled.

So, Weasley is on my death list.

And Miss Weasley is on my bedpost notch list.

That is, if I ever get back home to notch it. And that is, if there's any bedpost left to notch. When last I checked it (back in August) it resembled a broomstick twig!

Weasley is probably gonna tell Potter all about this in the morning. Probably get off on it, too, the dirty queers that they are. Sure, I may indulge in a smidgeon of chocolate highway banditry every so often if there's no alternative, but I prefer girls, thank you very much.

Maybe I should be a sex counsellor? Seems a strange career choice, but with luck I'd be able to discuss my favourite hobby 24/7!

I don't think Mother would approve, though. And I don't fancy asking McGonagall for pamphlets regarding what subjects I need for it. *pukes* BLEURGH, McGonagall!

Ah, well. No drugs, so I'll have to get to sleep like normal mortals.

Tinkerty-Tonk, and goodnight!

Draco the Well-Satisfied (For Now)